


Dadirri

by Emblue_Sparks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Absolutely NO MCD, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Canon Divergent from Season 12 "The Raid", Dom Castiel, Emotional self harm, Fluff and Smut, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean, M/M, Mild Angst, Minor Character Deaths, Mutual Pining, My First Smut, Please forgive me I wrote this all on my phone, Vague Reference to Rape in Hell, Very Brief Suicidal Castiel, Yugambeh/Enochian/Tamil/Sanskrit/Hindu Translations at chapters end when applicable, emotional boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2018-12-26 15:50:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 219,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12062163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emblue_Sparks/pseuds/Emblue_Sparks
Summary: When a call for help from an old friend comes in, Dean and Cas embark on a case that takes them across the ocean to an Australian paradise. The people in need of their help maintain a fascinating connection to the veil, in a manner neither Dean nor Cas could have expected. As long denied emotions and desires between them are finally acknowledged, each are forced to confront their painful pasts in unique ways. The mysteries of the case slowly begin to reveal a much bigger villain at play, however, the closer they get to identifying the evil plaguing this paradise, the more they understand the enemy which has been working against them for the past ten years. Dean and Cas must decide once and for all what they each want, and if they are willing to suffer the required cost in order to achieve true happiness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I never had an inclination to write a fic until I read In a Mirror, Darkly by anyrei and mugglerock. It's the best fic I've ever read and made me realize I do have stories to tell. Thank you girls!!! Thanks to Alison Jackson for telling me about Tamborine National Park in Queensland as a favorite vacation spot, it spawned this beast and I've loved learning about it. I greatly appreciate your help in maneuvering through Aussie culture. Thank you to Apoorva Singh, my co-author which the site will not let me give you credit for! You are seriously the best "Hey, so get this.." girl in the universe. Your ideas and amazing culture are a feast for the imagination! Thanks to TheTwistedWillow and Naruhearts for your invaluable opinions, grammar fixes, and never ending enthusiasm!
> 
> Also-I WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR-I LOVE Sam. There is no Destiel without him. After The Raid episode aired I was so mad at him and Mary I left them out of the story. But I can"t stay mad at him for too long, he is in the story but not til much later.
> 
> I'm a beginner to writing, I'm hungry to learn and gladly take criticism so please speak up if you're compelled to correct, suggest, and advise on anything you see fit!

Dean's body was twitching from frayed nerves and fatigue, an odd combination but not unfamiliar. Just hours earlier he’d left both brother and mother back at the compound after the vamp attack on precinct BMoL. Sam had said he was staying for a while; that's when Dean, unable to deal with that declaration, had promptly hit the road. Still simmering in anger from the events over the last few days, he leaned over slightly to turn the shiny radio dial, he listened for a frequency playing something, anything that would calm him or at least improve his mood to better deal with the shit weather. He grinned at the tune he found and thought,  _ must be a cheesy 80’s station.  _ He cranked up the volume, drummed his hands on the steering wheel a few times to the beat, and crooned to Men at Work.

  


“I come from a land down under! 

Where women glow and men plunder. 

Can’t ya hear, can’t ya hear the thunder? 

Ya better run, ya better take cover!”

  
  


Even after only one chorus he was beginning to feel less downtrodden. By song’s end he felt somewhat renewed, definitely more able to focus on the road. It was strange, however, not having Sammy riding shotgun, giving him disapproving looks when he sang a bit too enthusiastically, or exchanging the time honored insults of “Jerk” and “Bitch”. 

Cas never complained, though. He’d sit in the back seat, respecting the unspoken sibling order, when it was the three of them. Sometimes he’d sit up front beside Dean when the trio, on a rare occasion, was down to a duo. The angel just listened intently to Dean, saving questions or comments for commercial breaks. Once, Cas even defended his singing when Sam was worn out and clearly having a Midol moment. It had to be one of his all time favorite memories with Cas.  


He recalled it with ease, it had been in the middle of a sweltering summer and they’d been on their way back home from a case when the Journey song “Separate Ways” had come on and Dean was apparently so lost in the music he was belting the words as if he’d forgotten anyone else was in the car. His brother grumbled, then turned the volume down and proceeded to assure him that between singing and hunting, he’d done the world a favor by wielding a gun rather than a microphone.  


That’s when they heard the angelic peanut gallery suddenly weigh in from the back seat with, “Sam, are you aware humans have two voices?” Sam turned, giving Cas a look of incredulous curiosity.  


Cas continued, “The first originates in the vocal chords, the second comes from the soul. Angels find immense pleasure in listening to most people sing because of this reason. I thoroughly enjoy Dean’s vibrations as often as I can. They’re some of the most beautiful I’ve ever heard.”  


Dean had literally choked and almost swerved into oncoming traffic. He was fairly certain no one had ever used the words vibrations and beautiful in description of him. Yet an angel had. An extremely good looking angel. He hadn’t known whether to cry from the endearing compliment or pop an insanely obvious tent in his faded Levi’s.  


Sam would never let him live down either action so he opted to squeak out a wavering, “Wow, um...thank you Cas.”  


Sam had gone with stunned silence for a few more seconds, until he wondered aloud “So Cas,what do I sound like?”  


As if the angel had been anticipating the query he’d instantly replied with “Constipated, mostly”.  


Dean had roared with such laughter he’d struggled to breathe, tears had poured down his face til the road ahead had become a wet blur. Sam had turned forward again and tried to laugh it off. As Dean recovered he’d stolen a quick glance in the rear view mirror at the angel whose eyes were down but had the right side of his mouth upturned in a small, knowing smile. It was in that moment, Dean had realized he was in very serious trouble.  


Things with Cas had recently become...even better? When he wasn’t busy tracking down Kelly and her “devil-baby-mama-drama” he spent all his free time at the bunker or hunting with Sam and Dean. He couldn’t really explain why, but having him around more often calmed Dean’s inner storms. _ Oh who the hell was he kidding, he knew damn well why. _   


Throughout their journey,they’d shared countless moments where Dean felt they’d both been on the precipice of something. How many times had he gazed into those stunning cobalt eyes and seen an intense longing for something just out of reach, that same something mirrored in his own heart he had struggled to understand? He and Cas had been through so much. They’d lied, cried, died, and came back for one another. He says Cas is his best friend, but when he uses this term it feels like a joke. Best friends went to ball games, got drunk at bars, and wingmanned for each other, stood as best men at each others weddings.That’s what normal best friends did.  


The thing between him and Cas was so far beyond normal, he was just terrified to admit it. And in this, he failed where Cas did not. Not so much as a whisper had passed between them about the four letter word bomb he’d dropped weeks ago on his death couch. He knew damn well when Cas used nearly every last drop of his grace to say what was in his heart, his eyes had been everywhere but looking at Dean’s, a dead give away it was actually meant only  _ for Dean _ . None of them knew Crowley would be his unsuspecting savior moments later. Cas had said the three words he’d dared not to long for, save in the darkest, most quiet moments lying in bed at night. He’d even tacked on the “all of you” to spare Dean from any curious minds. But yet again, Dean failed to give Cas what deep down he knew he really wanted.   


It wasn’t because he worried about what anyone thought. He’d finally gotten over himself about that crap a long time ago. Dean was simply too destroyed, inside and out, to be who Castiel deserves. The worst part was that as certain as Dean was of this, he was selfish enough to keep Cas as close as he could stand without tarnishing his grace with the love from his polluted soul. Yes, the angel with the broken halo deserved so much better than the scarred and wrecked man that was Dean Winchester.  


He was pulled from his pity party by the familiar sign for the road leading to the bunker. Weeks loomed ahead with no guarantee of cases to distract him, no brother to keep him from indulging in too much self examination, and worst of all- no idea when he’d hear again from Cas. The last part seemed to make the prospect of a quiet batcave unbearable. After a few hours of rest he’d head out for an ample amount of booze with a side of greasy food, his standard issue coping diet.  


He pulled Baby into the garage and meandered through the entry down to the War Room, the weight of his current predicament and the sleepiness was finally hitting him hard. He saw a stack of books spread haphazardly about the library that he hadn’t realized he’d left out when he and Ketch had taken off.  _ I’ll put them away later. _   


He was just about to yawn but suddenly he froze. Something was off. The only thing he’d been researching when Ketch showed up was other places he would have stashed his whiskey. So why was there an empty bottle of vodka on its side in the chair? The closer he looked, he realized the books strewn around the table were those still needing translation. He and Sam couldn’t have been reading them. He drew his gun and quietly took the steps down towards the kitchen corridor. Something quickly rolled from under his foot and the rest of him clumsily followed.  


Two things happened simultaneously: his backside hit the floor and the pearl-plated pistol discharged in the general direction of the ceiling.  


“ _ Sonuva BITCH!”  _ he yelped.   


He tried to pull himself up quickly but realized he’d sustained more injury than just a hard knock on his ass. When the gun went off it had muted all other sounds, including his hand crunching down on a now broken bottle of Sauza Gold. He winced at the intense burning pain as a few trickles of blood fell down his hand and wrist, the good sized jagged chunk of glass sticking out of his palm was likely staunching the inevitable flow that would occur when he’d yank it out. Fury ignited within him, not only had some dumb shit risked a B & E in HIS home, they also apparently got shit faced? Dean was now so pissed off and riled up he was actually looking forward to facing this drunken specimen of Darwinian brilliance and blowing him..or her to kingdom come.  


As he once again tried to straighten himself and prepare for whomever had the balls to breach through the bunker’s security, he heard the sounds of commotion coming from the kitchen corridor. With his gun trained to the door, his eyes locked onto the hallway entrance, Dean was ready for whatever or  _ whomever _ came through. A figure emerged swaying, grabbing the frame for support.   


~*~*~  


Castiel had been sitting in the bunker kitchen pouring himself drink after drink. Nothing had been going well for him as of late. The search for Kelly seemed to be a solid loop of one step forward, two steps back. How other angels had gotten close, close enough to nearly kill her, and then someone else more powerful had intervened, Castiel just didn’t understand. Dagon, Ramiel’s sister, had taken her and left no trace. What interest a Knight of Hell had in a Nephil, Chuck only knew. Of one thing he was certain though, Kelly’s relevance had a shelf life equal to that of the baby's due date. It was for this reason he still refused to give up,  _ to find another way. _   


Then Kelvin had mysteriously appeared, pitching a divine mission “ensuring” Joshua’s forgiveness. This reminded him all too well of his position in his sibling's eyes, and he began to feel the crushing heartbreak heaping itself onto his current pile of guilt. Nothing in heaven came without a price, not even the love of his celestial brethren. Which had made him long for the grounding comfort and advice he had come to rely on, more heavily than ever, from the Winchesters.  


He found the brothers invading his thoughts so much more lately. One brother moreso. He’d been nearly blind with anger at them for dealing their lives away as if they meant nothing to him, to their mother. Always willing to sacrifice for the “right thing,” yet never giving value or consideration for what they themselves dared to want, or what those who deeply cared for them wanted. Castiel simply just couldn’t take it anymore, when Mary stepped in the reapers’ path, he knew a Winchester kept their word and he  _ WOULD NOT _ let Sam and Dean suffer the loss of someone so dear to them all over again.  _ Cosmic consequences be damned. _   


He hadn’t expected to express how much he cared for them in anger. Nor had he planned to tell Dean his true feelings with others present, as he lay dying. Knowing this would be difficult for the hunter to hear, he tried to carefully identify him first, then Sam & Mary, so hopefully only Dean would understand to whom the first declaration was meant, and everyone else would assume it to be inclusive.  


Even after he was healed, Dean was overly careful not to mention it, as was his way. Human love and courtship rituals remained so confusing to him; Cas had been certain, more than once, Dean reciprocated his sentiments, but for some reason couldn’t bring himself to express it.  


The longing for Dean that Cas experienced was sometimes so great he didn’t know how to contain it. Even though every molecule in both his vessel and his grace burned from the restraint he forced upon himself, he’d leave the hunters when it became too much. It was better than risking the friendship he had than revealing the truth. He sometimes wished so badly he could embrace the hunter and physically show him the passion he felt. But humans are so ingrained to think of themselves, their true selves, as their current physical gender _.  _ If he showed Dean his real emotions it would send him over the edge. Cas had already done enough to upheave his already messed up life. He didn’t need an angel, and a defective one at that, making things more complicated. He’d never risk the precious bond they already had. 

So  _ I’ll wait my friend, in this life or the next. What’s a human lifetime to a creature like myself? I’m happy just to be near you, fight beside you, laugh with you, and carry on this adventure together. When the day inevitably comes like an old friend and the light from your human eyes finally dim, your brilliant soul, more than any other, has and will remain a beacon for me in the eternal realm. _   


On the last leg of his retreat back to the bunker through Lebanon, his truck started making noises and rattles. Humans he could heal, trucks not so much. He’d parked it in front of Ladow’s Market on Main Street, and decided to walk the rest of the way because, save one stop, it wasn’t all that far. He barely noticed the crap weather as he schlepped “home,” as Dean had called it.    


First thing he’d done upon arrival was open a bottle and start drinking. He got to reading about anything that could shed light on or offer a clue as to signs of an impending Nephil birth. When none of the books yielded useful information he’d been nearly 2 bottles in, and finally felt “tingly,” so he lazily abandoned the books and sought temporary forgetfulness in the copious amounts of booze he’d left in the kitchen.  


He’d been halfway through his third bottle, when he started to get overheated. Attempts to unbutton his shirt and pull the tie off made him feel even more of a failure.  _ How can something so little be so annoying and stupid?!!!!  _  The frustration was rising and he struggled so much he growled angrily and noticed his face was wet. Then the sound of a weapon’s discharge within the bunker snapped him out of the stupor that’d been fast taking hold.  _ Have my brothers come to attack? Did Crowley send demonic goons as a joke? If it’s Rowena I’m not in the mood for any witch..bi-hiccup-tch sorcery! This is my home too DAMMIT!! I’m gonna ….I’m gonna..how did Dean put it? Kick ass and take some names!  _ He rounded the corner to the library and nearly missed it so he steadied himself by grabbing the door frame. What he saw was the LAST thing he expected.   


“Cas! What the hell man, you almost got shot!” Dean was instantly relieved it was Cas and not some witless intruder. Yet Castiel stood there looking as if he’d surely tussled with one. Despite the increasing throbbing in his ass, Dean was startled to find his body reacting to the hot mess of an angel in front him.  


His heart was racing at the sight of the trench coat lazily slipping off one shoulder. His mouth went bone dry as he noticed Cas’s shirt unbuttoned nearly all the way. Dean’s Levi’s were becoming more snug by the second as he observed how the tie was askew and his hair... _fuuuck me, that hair,_ was pointing every which way. Castiel looked as if he’d just had fantastic, filthy sex and oh how Dean wished he could’ve been the cause of that beautifully disheveled look. He inwardly groaned. _Come on now, get a hold of yourself._  


“Dean what happened? Are you hurt?” Cas reached out with two fingers in his customary healing gesture and walked, rather ungracefully, towards Dean.  


“Hey whoa, whoa there buddy..have you..have you been drinking?”  _ What the hell is wrong with him?  _ Dean reached out to steady him.   


“My apologies,” Cas burped and a hand flew up to cover his mouth too late. “It seems my tolerance for alcohol isn’t the same as be- _ hiccup,fore” _ . His bluest of blue eyes were slightly glazed and..reddish?  _ Has Cas been crying? _   


“Uh-huh. So this,” Dean grumbled, gesturing to the broken bottle at his feet and then at the one behind him on the chair, “and that.. was  _ you _ ?”   


Cas dropped his eyes rather sheepishly and crossing his hands behind his back he quietly replied, “Ah….yes”.  


Suddenly Dean began trembling with anxiety. The last time the angel got piss drunk had literally been the bottom of the ninth, at world’s end, when there hadn’t been a hope or a prayer of saving it. Luckily, for said world, the Winchesters happened.  


“What’s goin’ on? Is the baby here already?” Dean was certain Cas would’ve called if he’d caught wind of Kelly’s bouncing baby bomb dropping.  


“No,” Cas muttered tiredly.  


Dean waited a few seconds expectantly, his rear end hurting even worse and his patience with the situation was wearing thin. “Care to elaborate?” Dean finally prompted, his irritated sarcasm starting to flare.  


Cas took a deep breath, stared at the bullet hole in the ceiling pensively for a bit, then in an arduous tone confessed, “I’m utterly useless”.  


It might've been funny to Dean, if he wasn’t in pain and Cas’s red rimmed eyes weren’t a worrisome indication of some angelic mid-millennium-age crisis. Dean decided he’d rather not take this standing up so he just started sauntering towards the hall. He heard Cas gasp behind him at the sight of blood dripping from his hand. “Oh yeah.Yer gonna fix this,” he barked, without turning to face Cas and rounded the corner to the kitchen, ”and I’m gonna listen to you explain yourself. But not til I cut you  _ off _ and I catch up. So why don’t you hand me one of those bottles of whisky,” he waved towards the kitchen table, ”from the liquor store you bought and were gonna drown yourself in. We’re gonna go to my room and have a little sit down”.   


Dean entered his bedroom exhausted and coming down from the adrenaline rush. But he’d gladly stuff it all down and focus on Cas with gusto. Last time the angel had opened up to him he’d been on the verge of suicide. They were finally making some good progress with the conversation when Sam unwittingly ended it by walking into the hotel room from a dinner run. Since then, there’d been so many times Dean had wanted to ask him how he was feeling, how he’d been coping with life. But it seems as if they were always, ALWAYS jumping from the pot into the frying pan these days. He made it through his doorway and took a few hearty swigs of whiskey, with Cas trudging in behind him. Dean was figuring Cas would mojo him all better and they could get down to what was troubling him.  


As Cas sat in the desk chair he asked, “So what happened to yo- _ hiccup- _ ur hand?”   


_ Damn he’s a cute drunk.  _ He sat on the edge of his bed, looked Cas in the eye and snorted, _ “ _ Heh, heh. Funny story actually, you’ll like it. So, I came home to a mess in the library, thought someone broke in and had a party without me. I tripped and landed on a bottle which bit me in the hand and then decided while I was down there, may as well use the ceiling as target practice,” he added a wink at the end hoping for once, Cas would register his feigned enthusiasm.   


“Oh Dean I’m so sorry,” Cas bemoaned as he hung his head in his hands, “I can’t even drink right apparently.”  


Dean immediately regretted his smart assery, “Hey buddy, I’m just giving you a hard time, but really I want to help. If you could just snap yer fingers, do some glass-outta-my-hand, I’m all yours t’nite, er, this morning,” _ nothing loaded about that comment, jeez shut  _ Dean. He hoped the glass coming out super fast wouldn’t hurt.   


Cas froze in his chair, the look on his face reminded Dean so much of that night long ago when he’d taken him to that strip club.  _ Why’s he freaking out over healing me? _   


“Dean I..uh..um..can heal you but uh..the glass has to come out first.” Suddenly the floor became so fascinating to the angel he wouldn’t look up.  


_ “ _ Come again?” Dean asked, confused.   


_ “ _ I’ll remove the glass, the normal way...if you let me,” Cas nearly whispered the last few words.   


Dean groaned in contemplation, he was simply too tired to deal with slow pain and stitching himself up.  


_ “ _ Then we need to get you to a hospital,” Cas sighed, appearing almost relieved.   


“House rules Cas, we don’t go near those death-traps-in-a-box unless we’re actually dying and seeing as you recently iced a reaper for me and Sam, well they ain’t exactly gonna be rolling out the welcome wagon.”  


Steeling himself, Cas delivered the news, “Well then, I’m afraid your injury will fester unless you allow me to extract the pieces.”  


_ Oh Jeezus, I’m gonna need to drink more for this.  _ Dean lifted the bottle to his lips and drank as if it were the last drop of water in a desert. He made it halfway through and decided against spending any time with Cas falling down drunk.   


“Why exactly can’t you mojo the glass out?”  


Cas stared at the opposite wall this time, took a deep breath and confessed, “It seems when I’m inebriated my pow- _ hiccup- _ ers are lower.”   


Dean pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers.  _ Shit.  _ “Fine...kit’s in the bathroom cabinet.”   


When Castiel returned to Dean's room he found the hunter just where he’d left him. He had never forgotten how perfect it was when putting Dean back together. Now he was terrified of causing him further pain; he was the reason Dean sustained this injury in the first place.  


Cas gathered the essentials from the kit and dragged the chair to the foot of the bed where Dean sat with his hand resting on a pillow he’d placed across his lap, clearly experiencing trepidation over what was to come. 

Cas's guilt was nearly overwhelming, he would be as quick and delicate as possible so Dean didn’t suffer anymore than need be. He took one last deep breath and went for the biggest chunk first, a long section of the bottle. This piece did not require tweezers as would the rest, he got a firm grip on the top part and when he pulled back to remove the piece Dean screamed like an 8 year old girl. Not expecting such a reaction from a hunter, Cas raised his left eyebrow in question and glanced at the patient.  


Dean lifted his eyes to assure Cas he was fine but halted mid-thought.  _ What the hell did I just let come out of my mo-HOLY SHIT is he giving me the brow?  _ He momentarily lost the ability to speak, an electric current shot straight to the very thing he was hiding, rather painfully, under his pillow. “Sorry man, uh..I’ll keep that under control,” Dean cleared his throat.   


Cas went for the medium sized pieces next. Dean flinched but otherwise made good with no further complaints. However, he could not stop staring at Cas’s hands. Why had he never noticed how beautiful they were? The angels hands were strong enough to crumble his bones to dust with a mere pinch, yet here he was using them with such care and caution. Dean was mesmerized, he likened them to surgical procedures as Robert Frost was to poetry. _Oh_ _what glorious things they'd be capable of_...Deciding to distract himself he asked, “So Cas, what’s got you worked up enough to pull a Girl Interrupted?”  


The angel furrowed his brow, tilted his head, and responded, “There wasn’t any aspirin involved”.  


_ Well at least he got the reference. “ _ I mean, why are you feeling so useless?”   


The angel pondered the question, and then thought better of answering. His frustrations seemed trivial compared to Dean’s exhaustion and pain. He felt it best not to burden his friend with anymore of his nonsense.  


“It’s really not of import,” he answered with his best fake enthusiasm, continuing to remove the tiny bits of glass with tweezers.  


Dean wore that sarcastic, irritated look and said, “K, number 1-that fake smile thing you do is just creepy. And 2-I’ve known you for what, almost 10 years now? You suck at lying. C’mon, out with it”.  


_ Of course Dean would know. “ _ Dean…….it’s Kelly. Dagon found Kelly, murdered the angels that had somehow tracked her before I could and were going to kill her. How can I protect her if I can’t even find her?” he sighed, voice wavering. He was nearly done getting the medium pieces of glass out, he worked on the remaining few. “This whole thing is my fault. If I hadn’t said yes to Lucifer-”   


“You’d be dead Cas. We might all have died in that cage. We’ve been through this, it was a kamikaze move but it gave us time to plan against the darkness,” Dean shook his head, just thinking about Cas not existing was enough to send him into a panic attack these days.  


“But Kelly wouldn’t be bringing a nephil into the world if it wasn’t for me. The planet hasn’t seen that kind of destruction since the time of Utnapishtim,” he warned.  


“Utna...what now?” Dean asked, confused.  


“Forgive me,” Cas whispered gently, “That was his Sumerian name. You now refer to him as Noah.”  


Recognition sparked in Dean's eyes, “The flood…”  


Cas looked at Dean with sorrow and confirmed, “Most of them perished at this time, yes. A few survived and assimilated so as to avoid total annihilation. Their bloodlines exist today but are difficult to detect. It was devastating for my brothers and sisters to lose their children, but even they couldn’t deny the uncontrollable, catastrophic results. So unions with humans that could yield children were forbidden after the flood.”  


Dean considered this for a moment and wondered aloud, “So a human/angel union where they can’t have kids is ok? What, did they go around interviewing to see who was barren or shooting blanks?”  


Suddenly Cas’s ears got pink, his face however revealed nothing and he meticulously pulled a nearly microscopic piece of glass out. “No, they didn’t. There are unions between perfectly healthy, functional humans that will never result in offspring, the same is permitted for celestial/terrestrial pairings”.    


_ That sounded funny…” _ Hey Cas, say that again three times real fast-celestial/terrestrial, cestial/trerrestrial”  _ hmmm, feels good having Cas close.  _ Then the thought just barged right in, interrupting Dean’s warm buzz beginning to spread throughout his body.   


“Oh...oh I see. So an angel with a female vessel could get with a human female, and an angel in a male vessel can…” Dean's voice trailed off.  


“Can be with a human male, yes.” This time both their ears went pink and a severely awkward silence filled the room.  


After a few moments like this Cas decided to confess that he’d run into someone of interest. “In my pursuit of Kelly, another angel approached me. His name is Kelvin.” That piqued Deans interest.  


“What did he want with you? What kind of bullshit are those dicks with wings pitching you now?” Cas’s demeanor changed, his lips pursed and Dean could swear his eyes flared for a split second.  


“Heaven will not tolerate this child, it’s an abomination. He said they’d grant me redemption if I joined the effort to find Kelly and kill her,” he nearly spit the last part out.  


Dean’s heart was in his throat, his mouth went dry.. _ he couldn’t be thinking of doing this, he just couldn’t. “ _ So what did you tell him _?”   _   


Cas shot back angrily, “I told him to go take a flying fuck off a cloud and to shove my redemption up his righteous ass.”  


Dean just blankly stared at Cas, speechless.  _ Well I’ll be damned, I didn’t know he even knew how to curse except for that assbutt comment to Lucifer. Is it wrong that I think it's kinda kinky? Focus Dean! Focus! He’s finally sharing with you, have some control for Christs sake! _   


_ “ _ Damn right! After all the times they’ve screwed you over Cas, you don’t need to redeem yourself to them. I hope you know Sam and I care about you and would never betray you like they have.”

He sighed, “It doesn’t mean it hurts any less. I know I’ve made the right choice, but I can’t help wishing there wasn’t a price for their love which should be given unconditionally.” He made an excellent attempt to appear only regretful, but Dean knew him well enough he could see his hope was, and truthfully had been, vanishing for a while now.  


“I hope we’ve never made you feel that way Cas. We are as far from perfect as souls can get, but we know what you’ve given up for us. It’s such a heavy price you’ve paid, but even if you hadn’t then Sam and I wouldn’t feel any different. You belong here with us. Maybe we haven’t been great at showing it but we care Cas, I care, more than you know.”  _ Thank God he can’t see my face right now, if I had to look in those gorgeous eyes there’s no telling what I’d do. _   


Cas was so grateful Dean knew the encouragement he’d needed in this moment. Losing his family would always hurt. Knowing Dean’s aversion to emotionally charged moments, he opted to move forward and focus on the positive.  _ Don’t cry, it’ll make him so uncomfortable. _   


“I believe I’ve removed all of the glass. Are you ready for me to heal you now?”  


Dean was certainly ready to be rid of the pain, but whether it was the whisky, fatigue, or having the angel this close-he somehow was enjoying the intimacy of the situation and would regret when it was gone.  _ Oh well, best get it over with. “ _ Sure Cas, go ahead.”   


It didn't heal instantaneously, Dean groaned a little bit.  


_ Oh no, darn alcohol! I can’t fix it quickly enough! “ _ I’m so sorry Dean, it won’t work as fast as you’re used to,” Cas begrudgingly explained.   


“It’s alright Cas...do..do what ya gotta do,” Dean grunted out.  


Time almost stopped for the angel, the second his hand made contact with Dean's something akin to a miniature lightning bolt shot through him. It took nearly all of his strength to not put the other hand on Dean, pull him onto his lap, and kiss the daylights out of him. His skin was so warm, memories of how it felt putting this perfect man back together flooded his mind. The time they’d spent while he’d been his true self, Dean would look at him with such wonder. It was the most precious in all his existence thus far. He thought his grace would implode with grief when he received revelation to send this human back to earth and erase himself from his memory. This physical contact made his longing infinitely worse and his vessel ached with need for him.  


“Cas...Cas..” Dean’s voice shook him out of his trance, barely. “Cas uh, I think I’m good now thanks.”    


With incredible difficulty the angel managed to pull his hand away, he hoped Dean couldn’t sense the desperate need he felt.  


Dean thought for a brief moment Cas looked rather forlorn, as if he’d really struggled to stop touching him.  _ Pfft! Right, stop convincing yourself he’d want to do anything of the sort with you. You don’t deserve him anyways, you’re beyond lucky this dork still wants to be best buds. Still... _ he couldn’t help but think how nice it would feel for Cas to lay down with him, what the angel would feel like a few layers of clothing lighter next to him.   


“Look at me Cas,” he whispered. The angel was having a serious spiral, and Dean wished it was like a childhood boo boo, one he could just kiss away. “Cas,”...no response.  


He placed his left hand on Cas’s knee and leaned closer, “Hey..I’ll help you fix this. It could be you need some space from it, just for a bit. Maybe take some ‘me’ time ya know? Sometimes when you’re too close to a situation you can’t see the big picture, the solutions are usually right there in front of you, all along. Sure, you make mistakes, like the rest of us. But I’ve never seen anyone EVER try to fix those mistakes like you have, and it’s not as if you’re doing it to earn points with anyone. You’re doing it because with each mistake you vow to do better, to be better. You make  _ me  _ want to be better.”   


At this Cas looked up into those eyes like an infinite forest he could get lost in.  _ Nobody gives me these words, this hope, like you do Dean. _   


That feeling, like being on the edge of something they both knew, began to swell. They just stared into each other, not wanting to break contact. Not realizing they both were closing the distance of conventional personal space either. _Could he really want this, maybe as much as I do? Those blue eyes are so damn hypnotising, and that mouth…_  


Cas was losing his battle with restraint, Dean was getting so close he could count each beautiful freckle on the hunter's face.  _ What had he once referred to them as? Angel kisses? How ironic… _   


  
  


_ “ _ Sister Christian oh the time has come,

And you know that you’re the only one”

  
  


They both jumped back as Dean’s ringtone blared from his left back pocket. “Unbelievable...” Dean nearly growled.  _ What just happened? Did I almost kiss Cas? Oh crap that could’ve ruined everything. Clear your head man!  _

The name on the caller I.D. displayed “Tiger Mommy” and Dean was intrigued as he hit the speaker button.  


“Mrs. Tran, hi! What can I do for you?” He hoped everything was ok, this strong woman had been through too much, the worst of it because of him.  


“Good morning Dean, I’m sorry to be calling so early. I hope I didn’t wake you and Sam?”  


Dean checked his watch and replied, “No worries, 7:30 isn’t exactly early for us. Sam’s...uh, not actually here. He’s working a case, won’t be back for a few weeks. What can I help you with?”  


Cas was horrified with himself, he hadn’t even noticed Sam’s absence! But he did notice the hitch in Dean’s voice, the slightest difference in his tone when explaining to Mrs. Tran. Something had obviously transpired between the brothers.  _ Certainly picked a fine night to drink, something else was going on with Dean and I failed to notice because of pure selfishness!  _ He began silently kicking himself. He’d almost wrecked their friendship moments earlier, and missed glaring evidence something was seriously off with his friends. 

Mrs. Tran sounded worried, “ I see. Well, shoot. I’m sorry to have bothered you. There’s a case I felt you could really have helped with but I think the situation would be better with two people of your..expertise.”  


“Not to worry, Cas is here and he’d be happy to help out.” Dean glanced up and winked at Cas who was already looking more than a little confused.  


“Alright then, this is a pretty big favor. Can you both travel within the next few days?”  


It was his fault her son was dead, and he’d give  _ anything _ to go back and change that. But he couldn’t. Dean didn’t care if he had to fly to the moon, he’d never say no to Linda Tran.  _ Plus this could help Cas get his mind off Kelly for a few days. _   


_ “ _ Yep, what’s going on? What are we dealing with?” Dean motioned for Cas to grab a pen and paper from his desk.   


“My best friend from way back, Jobeka, lives on the outskirts of Tamborine National Park. Some of the locals and even a few tourists have gone missing. Her tribal elders are coordinating with the park service and local authorities but they’re limited in what they can disclose for both the tribe’s protection and well, for the same reasons you boys don’t advertise the particulars of your line of work.”  


“I see. So uh what makes this tribe so sure it requires our brand of extermination?”  _ Wendigo maybe… _   


“The circumstances surrounding the disappearances all indicate it's a creature from tribal mythology, and they are aware of the paranormal all around them. The name for it in the local dialect is Yara-ma-yha-who.”  


Dean's eyes were like saucers, “You lost me at yahoo.”  _ What? Ugh...more research.  _ Cas’s face no longer showed confusion, instead he leaned back in the chair and folded his arms, looking off pensively.   


“It’s called a Yara-ma-yha-who. Parents tell children cautionary tales about them I guess, so they won’t stray off into the forest alone. Jobeka’s daughter works at the park so she can fill you in on the details when you meet her,” she explained.  


“Alright then, Cas and I will gather more information before leaving. One more thing, I’ve never heard of Tamborine National Park, so how far of a drive is it from here?”  


“Oh you can’t drive there Dean, Alison will pick you both up from the airport.”  


_ Oh great, so it would involve a metal winged death trap. Lovely. Cas looks pleased...what’s got him turned around I wonder? _   


Dean tried his best to keep his lack of enthusiasm contained. “M’kay, so where are we flying in to?”  _ Please don’t let it be California or Minnesota. _   


_ “ _ Brisbane. You should be able to get a flight with only one stop as long as it's a large enough airport.”   


“Brisbane...oh in the San Francisco bay area?!”  _ Crap, it is California.  _ Cas did a facepalm and shook his head.  _ Did an angel just facepalm? Did my guardian just facepalm? What am I not getting? _   


_ “ _ No, no Dean, my friend is First Peoples, she’s Aboriginal. I’m so sorry I thought I had mentioned that!”   


“Brisbane Australia?!!” Dean thought he was having a heart attack.  _ May as well be flying to the moon! Maybe Cas can knock my butt out for the trip. Oh no, I don’t want to think about the cramped seating, and the turbulence. Bugs!!!! Cas made me watch that freaky Netflix documentary about all the ways Australia was trying to kill you, why didn’t I say no?! _   


_ “ _ Yes, and I’ll take care of your flight, if you could please just help my friend. Mr. Tran and I honeymooned in Queensland and met Jobeka and her husband while hiking in the park. We’ve been best friends ever since. Their daughter, Alison, is just 1 year older than Kevin..well. than he would have been. They’re very dear to me Dean, I’d never ask this unless it were an emergency.”   


“No it’s fine Mrs. Tran. Sam and I went to Scotland once...we thought we were torching Crowley's bones, so distance isn’t an issue. We’re happy to help, and a change of climate wouldn’t hurt either.”  


“Thank you so much, I’ll email you the details. Just be sure to text me soon with which airport you prefer to leave from. And please say hi to Sam for me.”  


"Ok, no problem. We’ll talk soon.” Dean hung up the phone.  _ For the love of all that’s holy what have I gotten myself into? _   


_ “ _ It appears you’ve committed us to a rather intriguing case. You know how worried I am about Kelly, if I don’t find her-”   


“Which is why you need to step back Cas. Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to look at the big picture, like I said. Ramiel is dead, I smoked Azazel years ago. Nobody is gonna be tracking a Knight of Hell anytime soon. If she’d wanted Kelly dead she would’ve hung back and let the angels complete their mission. She must want her alive for some reason, so there’s still time. Until then, we can leave this frozen hell hole, warm up Down Under, hunt this….whatever the hell it is, and even kick back a few Fosters in between. What do you say, eh?”  _ A trip to Australia where it's warm, no Sammy giving us weird looks all the time, the food is great, the beer is better, and I get to finally hang out with Cas ALONE and relax...somewhat. If I can just survive the flight and the bugs..then Hot Damn. _   


  
  



	2. Chapter 2

_ “ _ So Sunshine, you know anything about this yahoo thingy?” Dean couldn't help but perk up at the pleasant thoughts running through his mind, sleep could go screw itself. They slowly made their way into the kitchen so Dean could start a caffeinated IV drip. He busied himself with the coffee maker while Cas took out the creamer from the fridge and set it on the counter for him.

“Very little. If I remember correctly it's something like a vampire, but extremely short in stature.”

“So Frodo-gone-blood sucker, got it. We’ll need to do a little brushing up on Aboriginal lore, but we should make a supply run first. Speaking of, I didn’t see your truck when I came home, so…”

“I’m afraid it had some issues when I got into town. It was shaking and making funny noises. I wasn’t sure what to do so I parked it in front of Ladow’s Market.”

“I’ll take a look at it before we get our other stuff. Mmm, I love their fresh cherry pie rolls.” Dean's eyes twinkled as he said the word pie. He put some sugar in his coffee then turned to grab the creamer.

“I know you do. I figured you’d want one, or four, after diagnosing my truck. It’s the least I could do after maiming you this morning.”

_ Hmm, guess as much as he nearly wrecked my hand, I nearly wrecked our friendship so we’re even. “ _ Thanks Cas, but don’t worry,” he playfully smoldered at the angel,” Feels as good as new.” He turned to cap the creamer and chuckled to himself.

As Dean casually turned around and prepared to take a deep swig of time tested go juice the look on Cas’s face stopped him cold.  _ There’s that look again, holy shit how does he do that?!  More importantly, geez, what did I do to deserve it?  _ Between the return of the sex hair and that stern facial expression with the raised eyebrow something had Dean instinctively wanting to kneel and beg for forgiveness.  _ And isn’t that freaking hot. Except that in about two seconds I’ll be harder than a rock which is the last thing he needs to see. _

“Why don’t you straighten yourself up, I’ll grab my coat, and we’ll head out?” Dean didn’t wait for an answer, he just booked it to his room.

_ That was strange. Guess he’s in a hurry to start preparing for the trip.  _ Cas mojo’d himself back to presentable now that the alcohol had mostly worn off. So he decided to clean up the mess in the library while Dean got changed, hoping the straightening would calm the feelings Dean riled in him.

Once they were in town, Dean quickly identified the problem. “You just need new spark plugs; gaskets might need changing too. Let’s get it towed back to the bunker and it’ll be a quick fix when we get back from Australia. We’ll put her in the garage next to my Baby, she’ll keep a good watch while we’re gone,” Dean promised with a smirk.

After snarfing down two pie rolls and taking another two for the road, Dean drove them to a few places to stock up on hunting necessities. Cas was taken aback when informed Rowena would be dropping by the next day.

"You don’t think they’d let us check a bag full of weapons and other weird shit onto an airplane do you? One peek in there and I’ll be banned from airports for life. Not that it would throw a wrench in any of my extensive globetrotting habits, but I don’t feel like being violated by a creepy TSA agent with grabby hands. Heard those freaky bastards live for the strip and cavity search. Hard pass on that, thank you very much,” Dean shivered at that last thought.

“I still don’t see how Rowena fits into this” asked Cas, confused as usual.

“I called her before we left, she’s going to put a cloaking spell on the bag so it looks like a bunch of mountain climbing gear. We are going to be tourists after all.”  _ Just more of the hunting kind. _

_ “ _ And you’re telling me she is doing this purely out of the kindness of her heart?” Cas managed with a drop of sarcasm.

“Yeah, NOPE. But fortunately I thought ahead and figured British DNA might be useful in securing a favor from her someday. Should our fetching  _ 007  _ and M ever decide she’s worthy of their attention, I’m sure she can use their essence of BMoL in some nasty, witchy way I really don’t want to know about.”

Cas was looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and revulsion. “How did, uh, how were you able to obtain…?”

“Don’t look at me like that...you don’t think I’d..oh c’mon Cas! Ketch had a drink at the bunker, I saved his glass, end of story! And I swiped some stuff from Mick’s desk when nobody was looking. UGH, not even my type anyway,” Dean muttered.  _ Wtf!! My type? I seriously didn’t say that last part out loud, did I? Be cool, be cool. Pretend like you didn’t say it out loud. _

Cas gulped as he desperately tried to hide his surprise at Dean's words. _ Did he just say his type? As in, his type of guy he would have an attraction to? Guess that means I’m not his type either, since he’s never initiated romantic physical contact with me. He needs to have someone normal, somebody not caught up in all this. I’m fortunate he spends time with me.  _ Cas took a deep breath and allowed the disappointment to wash over him. He wouldn’t trade this feeling though. Loving Dean meant accepting that he would never return the love in that same way. Dean loved him as a brother, and this needed to be good enough, it would be good enough.

Cas seemed awfully quiet on the way home. He didn’t ever sleep, but Dean noticed the weariness had returned. Maybe he was letting the last day or so sink in; much had happened, like a whirlwind and so much more remained to be done. He was certain Cas didn’t have a passport, and his F.B.I. badge wouldn’t cut it with the airlines. Sadly, all the friends that updated the numerous fake ID’s of high quality were dead. He’d call Jody to see if she knew anyone. They made it home and Cas immediately threw himself into research. Dean headed to the kitchen for more coffee and to arrange the tow truck and call Jody.

Much of the day was spent researching the region, the local aboriginal tribe, and their mythologies. Cas seemed to find copious amounts of general mythology and spiritual practices of Aboriginal tribes. Since it was all in Enochian and translations were still being made, Dean was of little use. He was able to find a few additional facts regarding the Yara-ma-yha-who, such as a fondness for residing in fig trees so they may easily attack prey who rest in their shade. They are indeed small, like children, but possess strength greater than that of a full grown man. They are very red in color, drain their victims’ blood through tentacle like fingers rather than fangs, and then devour their victims whole. After their meal, they retreat to the branches to nap the rest of the day and upon nightfall, they vomit their victims back up who miraculously walk away, albeit with a nasty looking sunburn and are far more susceptible to further attacks which will result in complete transformation.

As far as the local tribe, a simple Google search revealed that the Yugambeh people live in the region of the park and surrounding areas, they speak an aboriginal dialect of the same name. Mrs. Tran had said Alison would be able to further fill them in upon arrival, so Dean decided to turn his attention to the preparations needed for that.

He was going to need more appropriate clothes, especially to play the part of tourist by day, hunter by night.  _ Which would mean….Cas is finally getting an upgrade from Holy Tax Accountant to whatever the hell I want!  _ For years Dean had been itching to take the guy shopping. Even though he could mojo everything clean and fix holes, tears etc...he needed something more casual, it would be good to teach him about human fashion. Well, how not to look like a dork at least. There was no way before now that he could justifiably take him on a shopping spree without Sam getting suspicious, he gave him and Cas enough strange looks and eye rolls already.

“Hey Cas!” Dean hollered from the kitchen. The angel meandered in a few moments later and sat at the table while Dean finished making dinner. “So I spoke with Jody about your I.D. and passport. She has someone she’s brought in a few times for various charges, says despite her youth, the girls’ skill at forgery is top notch. She owes Jody big time for something, so the favor was called in and she can have it all ready by Thursday. It would take longer to mail so we’ll drive up to Sioux Falls and Jody said she’d  _ Babysit  _ and take us to the airport over in Grand Island, Nebraska on Friday. Promise your truck will be fine here though,” he winked. He slid a plate over to Cas.

Cas didn’t need to eat or drink, but when Dean cooked he conceded, because he loved seeing how proud and content it made this human. Dean loved food, plain and simple. Cas took immense satisfaction from watching Dean in these moments, it was like reading a book, the book of Dean. Based on what or how he cooked, Cas could tell if he was happy, worried, sad, or in this case missing someone.

Picking up his fork Cas asked, “Are you going to tell me what happened with Sam?”

Dean was chewing, but slumped his shoulders slightly, “What made you think of him?”

“Well, aside from his obvious absence, it’s clear you're missing him.”

Dean turned both hands up at once, shrugged his shoulders, and shot him a questioning look.

“You normally have a steak with a side of steak Dean, why the steak salad?” Cas pointedly took a large bite so he wouldn’t appear ungrateful for the meal.

“I’m sure you’re curious about why he didn’t come back with me,” he took a swig of beer, “well, I feel the same”.

Cas nodded but still didn’t understand.

“I don’t really want to get into it, but basically we found out my mom has been working with the British Men of Letters for sometime. She kept this from us, but she somehow persuaded Sam that collaborating with them wasn’t a bad idea and now he is. She lied to us, got Wally killed, nearly got you killed, so what in the hell is running through Sam’s mind-I got no clue. But right now I think it's best all of us get some space because they may be alright with Wally dying and they may feel regret over nearly losing you, but for me, that just ain’t gonna cut it. I don’t know how they are justifying this, and frankly I don’t care. But there you have it, and I’m done.”  

Cas sat there, somewhat stunned.  _ Don’t be bothersome with analytic questions. If he wants to share more later then fine.  _ “I understand Dean, this sounds complicated. Thank you for the update.”  _ Please, look at my face, see that I will listen to you when you’re ready. _

He looked up from his plate to find Cas staring at him. Sure there was confusion there as always, but Dean saw concern and patience as well. Cas wouldn’t push him on the subject any further, and he was thankful. They finished dinner and Cas took his position at the side of the sink, it didn’t matter whose dish night it was, Cas always enjoyed drying and chatting when he was there. The routine of it was more comforting to him than anyone could know. They were both worn from the past few days. Dean was in desperate need of sleep, Cas was simply looking forward to the stillness that accompanied the night.

Cas was reading in the library after Dean had gone to bed, when he heard yelling from his room.  _ Still with the nightmares. _ He knocked first, then quietly opened the door. The bed was a wreck, but there lay Dean unconscious. He stood there for a few minutes assessing the situation. Dean periodically thrashed around, kicking the covers off the bed and incoherently grumbling and yelling. Cas knew it made Dean uncomfortable when he watched him sleep, but he was having a night terror. Sam and Cas had tried to wake him from these when they used to be more frequent, when he had carried Cain’s Mark, but at best all they could do was take turns making sure he didn’t harm himself in the more violent moments. They’d leave him in the early morning when the dreams had calmed so Dean wouldn’t have to feel ashamed of his vulnerability.

Cas sat in the desk chair, waiting for the inevitable kicking and swinging. As the minutes ticked by Dean would twitch and holler, yet the waves of emotion emanating from him took on a tremendously different vibe than his other terrors. Cas was accustomed to Deans paralyzing fear and crushing guilt. Now the emotions assaulting Cas were that of confusion, blinding anger, devastating sorrow, and severe longing. His eyes widened and dilated when the stinging severity of feelings hit him like a tsunami. His shoulders shook as his vessel instinctively took in a long, deep breath, an attempt to restore equilibrium. He suspected the dinner conversation was playing itself out in his dreams yet his brows furrowed as he expectantly waited for verification.  _ This is good, he’s processing.  _ This brought up his spirits,  _ his mind is dealing with things the way it should even if he refuses to during waking hours. _

Then suddenly the smile vanished, something shifted in Dean subconscious. Cas wouldn’t know who Dean was dreaming of specifically, unless it was about himself. Wave after wave of sickening sorrow hit Castiel as the connection they shared ignited. Now Cas could feel, truly feel what Dean did as he dreamed. He was reliving the night with Ramiel. Dean squirmed on the bed, tears beginning to cascade down his face. His fists were tightly bawled around his pillow which he now clung to in a fierce embrace. His shoulders shook uncontrollably between the jagged intakes of breath. “Cas, no. No please, you can’t leave me. Don’t you dare,” whispered Dean….just like a prayer.

Cas doubled over, he remembered the agony of that night. The grotesque sensation of rotting slowly, the suffocation from the black goo that came spilling from his insides. Yet none of it came close to the panic and fear of never seeing Dean again; after all angels had no heaven. Dean had kept himself together that night in an almost convincing mask of stoicism, his body's defense mechanisms were tightly in place. But in dreams those mechanisms had nothing to hold on to, defensive walls crumbled leaving the truest feelings raw and exposed. Cas nearly cried out himself from the anguish.  _ How Dean, how could you still speak, stand, or even breathe feeling like this?  _ He found himself shedding tears, as Dean was.  _ Even in sleep you can’t feel this. I won’t let you, it's too much.  _ Cas didn’t have to, Dean’s emotions were changing again. He felt rage, but not directed at himself.  _ Who then? Ramiel? Oh heavens no..not his mother.  _ Cas wiped his eyes and decided to try something, if it didn’t work or Dean woke up he could explain the night terrors and how he’d been thrashing around so.

Cas slipped out of his trench coat and jacket, neatly laying them over the chair, and loosened his tie. Carefully moving Dean over to one side, he picked up the bedding and cautiously draped it over his favorite human. He quietly climbed on the bed and snuggled in right behind Dean, folding his right arm around him.  _ Spooning, that’s what Sam had called it when I’d asked about why the couple on the mattress commercial were curled up in such a way. He had said spooning was nice with someone you care about, and then Dean had interjected with “but forking is better”.  _ Cas smiled remembering this, but his intentions were pure this night, sprung from a desire only to help.

Dean’s body was incredibly tense, the rage he felt was still flowing freely with confusion mixed in. His head began to shake as if misunderstanding something and a short “why?” escaped his lips. Cas could feel a void in Dean, a loss of something or someone.

Swiftly the void morphed into anxiety and the connection sparked anew. Dean was saying goodbye to him, _but when?_ Cas stared into the darkness of Dean’s room, focusing intently, taking in the flashes of times over the past ten years he’d departed for one reason or another, these memories of Dean's flew rapidly like a tape on fast forward. From years ago when he needed to return to battles raging in heaven, to more recently with Kelly. Cas felt his muscles slump in exhaustion, just experiencing a glimpse of what Dean felt was utterly exhausting, fatigue spread through his limbs though he was at rest beside his favorite person.

He’d always known Dean was scarred from the horrors he’d seen throughout his life. His time in hell had caused irreparable damage on his psyche, and when Cas came on board parts of him began to heal. But when Cas had to leave Dean experienced anxiety, even grief, but on a level not even he himself could recognize. He nearly gasped in shock when Dean had thought him dead from the Leviathan, he bit his trembling lip when overwhelmed by this humans crestfallen heart after he’d chosen to remain in purgatory.

Cas was feeling the progression from anxiety to panic whenever he and Dean were separated. Though their bond was strong, a speculation dawned on him. He knew Dean had love for him, but horror set in as he saw he’d become an addiction of sorts, a painkiller. When he was with the brothers, Dean's emotions were more stable. Yet the second Cas was gone, he began to suffer from the symptoms of severe anxiety. The angel legs began to twitch in response to feeling the near panic Dean went through during their time apart.

Fresh tears began to fall from Castiel’s brilliant eyes, how could he have missed this? He was so certain his presence in Dean's life, though not in the nature he longed for, was as beneficial to Dean as it was to himself. Yet here was the ultimate proof of how he continued to mess up this beautiful man’s life.

_ This cannot continue, he’ll never properly heal and reach his potential if he has this unhealthy attachment with me. What have I done to this poor man? No wonder they had me erase his memory. I have to fix this, but how? There’s no way I can abandon him, he can’t go to Australia alone. When we come back, yes. I’ll begin to separate then, he has to learn a more healthy way to cope. Once he’s found it, I’ll slip away from his memory slowly, Sam’s too. It’s the only way this will work.  _

For now at least, he could bring Dean comfort. He allowed his grace to flow into Dean's mind. Remembering the last dream of his Castiel experienced, he gently brought Dean back to that lake he found him fishing at and left him there enjoying the restful sounds of nature. The angel himself felt incredibly tired, perhaps he too could try to rest his mind, for only a little while. Castiel never physically had a heart to speak of, even the one keeping his vessel alive was not technically his. At this moment though he felt it shattering, as surely as if it were. He rested his forehead against the back of Dean's neck, breathing in his scent. He listened to the now gentle, rhythmic beat of a heart he had dreamt one day would be his and for the first time in his more than billion year existence Castiel cried himself to sleep.

~*~*~

Dean was groggy,  _ what in the hell is that tapping sound?  _ He opened his eyes, adjusting to the light from the hallway that was now pouring into his bedroom. The sound came from a heel of a stiletto which belonged to a small but incredibly feisty red headed witch.  “Och, Hells bells! I knew it!” she smirked.

Dean sat bolt upright grabbing his pistol from the nightstand, startled by Rowena and the fact that the arm of a grown ass man-angel had been wrapped around him, he promptly shot out of bed and nearly fell over as his foot was tangled in the sheets.

“What the f-How in the Hell did you get in here Rowena?!! Cas!!!! Why the fuck are you in my bed?!”

“No, need to t’get yer knickers in a bunch, I was quite enjoying this scene. And don’t pretend, least of all around me. Anyone with eyes who’s spent time with the likes of you two gets a damn cavity.”

Castiel woke to the sound of yelling, he briefly thought Dean’s mind had reverted back to the night terror. He instinctively reached out to calm him, but when he opened his eyes the scene playing out in front of him felt like his own private nightmare. Dean was standing next to the bed, gun in hand, demanding answers, seemingly pissed off at anything in the room with a pulse.

“Cas! Mind telling me why I wake up and you’re in here glued to me?”  _ Not that I’d mind under normal circumstances, but last time I checked it was customary for a person to know BEFORE falling asleep they’d be having a bedmate. He was really sleeping though, so what gives? _

Neither Sam nor Cas had intended for Dean to know they watched over him during these rough nights, let alone have anyone outside the family know he had rough nights, especially not the Mother of the King of Hell. Cas immediately got up and tried to straighten himself.  _ Wow, this must be what Sam and Dean mean when they say shit went sideways. “ _ Dean, I know this looks strange, but you were having night terrors like before, you wouldn’t wake up and I couldn’t let you harm yourself, this isn’t what it looks like.”

Rowena rolled her eyes in genuine disappointment, “Ugh, the angel has a point, if he were gonna seduce you it wouldn’t be on top of the covers with his clothes on, and certainly not  _ those clothes. _ But now I think on it, how  _ does _ an angel engage in such a practice as seduction?” she asked with mischievous curiosity. Cas shot her a sideways glance that assured her she wouldn’t being finding out from him.

_ What does he mean ‘like before’? Sounded like they needed to have a pow-wow after Rowena left, which currently felt like the sooner the better. “ _ I’m gonna ask you again Rowena, how did you get in here?” Dean demanded.

“A witch never spells and tells, darlin’” she retorted, getting weary of the stand off. “But it was you who called me for a favor, so I suggest you drop the gun and the attitude and let’s move on from these pleasantries shall we? I’ll be waitin’ in the library while you two kiss and makeup. And don’t take forever Dean, your angel may not be trying to seduce you, but I canna promise I won’t,” and with that, she turned and laughed down the hallway.

“Look man, I’m sorry for yelling at you but the whole thing just caught me off guard. What did you mean when you said that I had night terrors before?”  _ And why wasn't I told about them? _

_ “ _ When you were succumbing to the Mark, and especially after we cured you...your mind didn’t let go so easily.”

“So I had a few nightmares, what’s the big deal?”

“No Dean, night  _ terrors _ . They’re different, you would be having a nightmare and yell like some people do, but with night terrors you can’t wake up. Whatever was happening in your dreams caused you to be moving, walking...fighting. Sam and I didn’t want you to hurt yourself so he would come sit with you and even restrain you when you couldn’t wake up. When I could be here we’d take shifts but always leave you alone when you calmed before waking up. You already carried so much guilt, we didn’t want you to carry this too. It’s been a while since you had one and I fear my question last night about Sam must have stirred it up a bit. I promise you, I was only trying to help.” Cas was already drowning in embarrassment, he hoped Dean would understand.

“I really _ , really _ have had it with people keeping things from me, even for the sake of my own good. Our little family ain’t doing too well right now Cas, you’re all I’ve got. Please, please don’t keep anything from me anymore. I couldn’t take it if you did. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it. Promise me?” he asked beseechingly.

All Cas could do was nod, he felt numb. Dean breathed a sigh of relief and hugged him tight, it was the kind of hug you felt all the way down to your toes. Coming from a man who was not overly generous with physical affection, that was saying something. “I’m glad you and Sam were able to help me, if it happens again I’m sorry, but I promise to not freak out like I did just now if I wake up and you’re here.” His smile reached his eyes which seemed to regain their twinkle. “Unless you want a show, get out there and make sure Rowena isn’t digging around where she shouldn’t. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Rather than let his face betray him, Cas opted for a swift retreat to the library. He felt slightly ill, but had perfected the mask he knew he needed to wear by the time he turned the corner. There sat Rowena, perched on the long table looking like the cat who swallowed the canary.

Dean came in a few moments later with the duffle bag, setting it on the table in front of her. “Why thank you, you shouldn’t have. Really,” Rowena dripped sarcastically, “ What, pray tell have we got here?”

“It’s our weapons bag, we won’t get it through scanners or customs as is. We need you to cloak it somehow, make it look like it's chock full of carabiners and harnesses please,” Dean tried to sound polite. “And..payment?” She held out her hand and Dean gave her a black, medium sized drawstring bag. She open it carefully, peeked inside, then raised an eyebrow back at him in question. “Hey I got you samples like I said, how you extract the DNA is on you. We gonna do this or what?” Dean asked impatiently.

“Alright, alright” she acquiesced, “ Where are you goin’ in such a hurry anyways?”

Dean took a deep, impatient breath, “ Queensland, Australia on a case for a friend.”

This piqued her interest, “Where in Queensland exactly?”

Dean was done with the small talk, but it’s not in one's best interest to rile a witch who’s doing you a solid so he went along. “A bit outside Brisbane, rural. Why so interested all of a sudden?”

Her eyes widened and she muttered to herself, “Mountain climbing...we aren’t by chance going to Tamborine, are we?”

Cas suddenly stiffened,  _ a fox in a hen house couldn’t look more pleased. “ _ What relevance is Tamborine to you?” he worriedly wondered aloud.

“There are falls there, every few hundred years or so shamans gather and bless the water, riverbed as well. The stones there have a wee something special about them, and can be used in healing injuries inflicted by magic. My stores are a bit low and I don’t feel like crossing the bloody ocean right now. Be dears and bring some back for me, will you?”

“The park covers a huge area, we may not even be investigating on the side you’re referring to!” Dean’s tone was getting extremely irritated.

“Well, if you do it then I can promise discretion about your ‘sleeping arrangements,’” she threatened with a wink, “otherwise you never know what might come up at tea with Fergus,” she finally dropped the innocent facade.

“Fine, we’ll bring you some damn rocks now let’s get on with this!” Dean finally yelled.

“You’re too kind! Feel free to go for a swim,” her eyes full with innuendo at both men, “the more potent ones are at the bottom anyway.”

Cas and Dean were staring daggers at her and finally she reached in her purse and gave Dean a list, “I’ll need these to complete your spell.” Dean passed the list to Cas who took off for the dungeon to collect what was necessary. When he returned she had set up and was ready, ”Let’s get started shall we….”

Once the spell was cast, Rowena seemed just as eager to be on her way as Dean and Cas. “Now boys, don’t forget the stones.”

“How many rocks do we need to collect?” Cas inquired.

“I should think ten or so will do for quite a while,‘bout the size of golf balls if you please.” She headed toward the garage entry, clearly anxious to be on her way.

Dean loudly asked, “Which falls do we get them from?”

Rowena laughed as if he’d told a corny joke, “Exactly, they weren’t too clever or original back then were they? I’m off, do have fun. Pleasure as always,” and with that she was out of their hair.

The rest of the early morning was spent making lists, packing, and verifying they had learned what they could from the library’s resources. Castiel's truck was parked safely in the garage, Dean's Baby was freshly washed inside and out, tank was full, and they were on their way to Sioux Falls by mid morning. They took the NE 10 to Kearney, Nebraska where they’d stop at Cabela’s. Dean mentioned they’d need some new clothes due to the climate and seasonal differences. Castiel couldn’t help notice the unusual enthusiasm Dean had for such a seemingly mundane activity. No matter, he was trying to catalogue every nanosecond of this experience, good or bad, for when he knew he’d need it.

In just under two hours they arrived at the enormous sporting goods store and Dean ran through his speech again why Cas couldn’t wear his Tax Accountant get up hiking through the subtropical forest. They dove into the ocean of clothing racks and initially, Dean didn’t seem disappointed at all when Cas’s skill at pairing tops to bottoms was less than stellar. He called it another “teachable moment,” and began a basic tutorial. Cas tried to pay attention, but seemed more interested in the colors of clothing than making sure he didn't grab a wool sweater with a pair of mesh sport shorts. He only wanted to wear the colors orange and green. Orange reminded him of beautiful sunsets, and Dean noticed the angels reluctance to explain the green but didn’t push him.

Overall, it was like a back to school shopping spree with a somewhat pouty fourteen year old. Between Cas’s insistence on color choices and the distracting taxidermied animals placed around the store that the angel  _ had  _ to see, Dean had developed a healthy respect for the exhausted moms he always saw who were shopping like zombies in a race to just get in and get out alive _.  _ He wanted to make Jody’s house by nightfall so he conceded with a few items. Mostly green shirts of varied patterns were purchased, and Cas smirked as Dean begrudgingly dumped a stack of orange underwear on the checkout counter next to the mountain of other necessities and handed the clerk his card.  _ What a sucker you are! Who the hell wears orange underwear anyways? Hmm, well it’s what's on the inside that counts though, right? STOP IT. _

They hopped on to I80 to resume the five hour drive to Jody’s which passed quickly. Cas seemed more easily engaged in conversation than the last day or two which was a relief. When Dean remembered to ask about how Cas had fallen asleep, he explained that using his grace to prevent Dean's dreams from becoming violent had worn him down a bit. Dean seemed satisfied by the answer and thankfully moved on.

When they cruised into the driveway, Jody was happily waiting for them with her famous chicken dinner in the oven. Cas even consumed a little plate, though Dean knew it was so Jody wouldn’t be offended, he appreciated the gesture.  _ Sitting here with them, eating such great food and catching up feels so good. And Cas is here to enjoy it this time, don’t think it could get much better. _ Alex filled them in on how her nursing program was going, explained that Claire was on a college tour road trip with friends, and Jody made them all laugh with a few of her more recent stupid criminal stories.

As Alex pushed away from the table to start dish duty, Cas eagerly volunteered himself as dryer and the two quickly fell into an engaging conversation about her Geriatric course. Jody moved her chair towards Dean, indicating she had something of importance on her mind.

“So you and Sam have told me about Castiel, but failed to mention how close the two of you are,” she laid out.  _ Aaaand there it is, that same look I catch Sammy with so often. _

“Oh we’re not uh..he’s my best friend, it’s not like that,” he managed to stutter out.  _ Super smooth man. _

Jody thought on that a moment, then leaned forward and softly placed her hand on his. “Listen up Dean, I won’t pry but you and Sam will always be like sons. Alex, Claire, me, and you boys…” her voice began to falter, “We’ve been through things most people can’t conjure in their worst nightmares. We’ve done what was necessary to survive and torn ourselves up about it in the process. Don’t let the only thing on this earth you’re actually fearful of be letting happiness in. The girls and I deserve peace, so do you and Sam. Don’t you think for a second you haven’t earned it,” she declared in her best Mom voice.

Jody always had a gift for discussing tough topics without seeming meddlesome or judgemental, Dean had harbored a strong respect for her since day one, therefore she was one of the few people he ever dropped his wall for. Not that he’d need to, as most times she could see right through it. So when she spoke, he listened, period. He smiled, looking down nervously and chuckled out a “Yes Sheriff.” After a minute or so he looked up to see her best “I meant every word” face, it was full of love and genuine intent.

Cas and Alex came in and laid down plates holding large slices of apple pie, Jody gave Dean a dose of his own medicine with a wink, smile, and a smug “yer welcome”.  _  This woman is a Saint!  _ He dove right in and thought he’d melt on the spot from the taste of his favorite delicious dessert.

As the household was getting ready for bed, Jody slithered down the hall from her room with a manila envelope. She handed it to Dean who was sitting on the couch next to Cas watching tv, “Almost forgot these gems. As far as I can tell they are currently of the highest quality forgeries, so you should slip in and out of the country like butter. Dean don’t stay up too late, we leave at the butt crack of dawn,” she lovingly nagged and scurried back to her room.

_ Oh crap, here goes nothing.  _ Once again his heart rate shot up, he folded his clammy hands nervously in his lap after handing the envelope over to Cas. Before he could pull it back in, he said a silent prayer that Cas wouldn’t be too upset with his decision.

_ Why would he be upset about an envelope?  _ Castiel’s head whipped up and he stared at Dean who was already covering his face in embarrassment. “Just open the thing, please,” Dean muttered, wishing he could crawl under the couch and die.

Cas was amazed at Dean's behavior.  _ What on earth could make him act this way? _ Curiosity got him so he reached in, retrieving what appeared to be a small, blue notebook with gold lettering and images on the front. Flipping through the U.S. passport, he saw a picture of himself. He was just about to ask how when his breath hitched, he froze at the name underneath his picture. Castiel Novak-Winchester. A card was also tucked in the pages, a Kansas state driver's license. Even though it was just a piece of paper and a slice of plastic the name nearly brought him to tears. His face prickled with heat as he looked to Dean who was sitting as still as a statue, concentrating with inhuman effort on the tv program in front of them.

“Dean, I don’t know what to say…” he trailed off for fear of chick-flicking.

“Well, we can change it after we get back if you don’t like it, nothing we can do about it before morning,” Dean nervously laughed.

“Why would I change it? It’s perfect.”

“I didn’t know if our name mattered much to you. I know how you feel about Jimmy, even with how it ended you’d want to honor his sacrifice. Sammy and I told you you’re family, we meant it.” Dean's face was soft, Cas could finally identify his facial expression as...shy.  _ Clearly this means much to him. Possibly as much as it means to me.  _ He felt an overwhelming urge to hug Dean in this moment, launching himself to the other end of the couch, he squeezed his eyes shut to focus more on the  _ feel _ of a warm, pliant human within his embrace.

“Hey buddy, wow!”  _ Oh, can we just stay like this for the whole night?  _ He somehow managed to unfold his arms and revel in the delicious weight of this angel resting on him, with breath as ragged as his own. He savored the moment, almost trembling at the feel of Cas's heart take flight like his own was doing now that their broad chests were nearly flush. He cherished the way his smooth, hot cheek felt against his face.

“Thank you Dean,” Cas whispered as he leaned back to look at him.  _ His eyes are so happy. I need to remember this. I need him to remember this, somehow. “ _ I have traveled through oceans of stars and time, bore witness to the birth of more worlds than the human mind can comprehend. No matter where this passport can take me, my grace has never felt more at peace, at home, than here,” he confessed, placing his hand over Dean’s heart.  _ I need you to remember this. I want Sam to remember this. _

_ Well damn, color me tongue tied..for once.  _ Dean was utterly overwhelmed by the truth of Castiel's words, how they immediately anchored in the depths of his soul. There was that pull again they both felt but could not define. Dean ghosted his hand down Cas’s neck and rested it on his shoulder.  _ Was that a shiver I felt? His hand feels like it should always be resting over my heart. All I’ll ever need is right here and I’m so tired of stuffing this down. _

Cas held himself in those vibrant green eyes looking back at him, the way they’d looked at him as he’d healed this broken soul, piece by beautiful piece as if it were yesterday.  _ Oh! This current is tangible! It's running all along where Dean touched my neck! _ He  _ knew _ in that moment he’d never find another soul such as Dean’s, and he knew he’d never want to.

Cas hadn’t realized his hand had begun to curl in a fist, balling Dean's shirt up and slowly pulling him in. Oh how he would give anything to just brush his lips against Dean's, because no words could ever accurately do justice in conveying how much he revered and craved this human!

He was so very close, their noses could’ve touched in delicate kisses. Cas’s heart did a double beat as he felt the hand softly leave his shoulder and slide up into his hair, fingers brushing to the back of his head holding him with gentle devotion. His face instinctively tilted as it came even closer to this human he loved so much it hurt.  _ Maybe just one kiss, so I don’t spend eternity wondering what it would've felt like _ …

“Hey guys, I forgot my syllabus out here for my class,” Alex blurted from out of nowhere.

_ Goddammit!  _ Dean sat straight up and turned his head to the tv, and nearly passed out due to the suddenly painful shock and grief of ripping himself away from such a potentially soul healing moment.

Alex had been miraculously rifling through the fridge with the door open, blocking her view of anything that  _ may have _ been about to happen. Cas had righted himself as well, although his face did look a little stressed despite the tv showing a program about bees.

She wandered over with a soda in hand and a clear intent to converse. “Hey Castiel, you seem to know a lot about physiology and since you don’t really sleep...would you mind helping me study for an exam tomorrow?”

“Of course Alex, I’d be happy to,” Cas forced out. He really meant it, but was still trying to find his emotional equilibrium after the intensity of the moment with Dean.

Dean hopped up and said, “I think that’s a great idea, I’ve got to be up really early anyways so knock yourselves out. G’nite you two!” he hoped it didn’t sound like an overly excessive cop out, but he seriously needed some time to process the magnitude of what almost transpired.

“Good night Dean, I hope you have a peaceful night,” he replied with a wistful smile.


	3. Chapter 3

It was near 1 in the morning when Cas heard the sounds he’d been listening for coming from the guest bedroom. He darted in the room and onto the bed quickly so Dean's voice wouldn’t wake anyone. Turning Dean on his left side and carefully lifting him, Cas slid his left arm underneath his head and pulled him back to cradle him against his chest. Not wanting to relive the morning fiasco all over again, he reserved his grace for later if needed. 

This time, as he felt the excruciating sadness pulse through him he whispered a litany of Enochian prayers in Dean's ear. His breathing calmed slightly, so Cas continued to speak and in between prayers he chastely placed kisses on his head and let his tears fall silently in his hair. In a barely audible voice, he told Dean in Enochian of when he first laid eyes on him. He spoke of the complete awe his grace felt at gazing upon a soul so tortured, so grievously dismembered it should have disintegrated into nothingness decades earlier. Yet somehow it shone like a beacon, emitting a defiance so fierce even the grotesque demons surrounding it cringed in pain from the proximity.

Cas showered him with praise for fighting to keep his sanity after returning to Sam. Even when his coping mechanisms weren’t optimum he NEVER gave up. He thanked Dean for his struggle to stay on a righteous path despite Uriel's’ best efforts to derail him, as it showed him another way, a  _ better _ way. The emotions were shifting again, Dean was dreaming of the last few days with Cas, he was feeling... _ content?  _ Of course, Cas enjoyed the time as well, but this painfully reminded him of the purpose he had served for this human and he felt heartache crushing him anew. He held Dean so close, as a child might hold their teddy and sobbed. He never wanted to let go, he wished he could have known how to be better for him. Leaving was the only way he knew how to break him of this dependency.

The emotional vibe took on a new flavor, Dean was replaying the moment on Jody’s couch.  _ He was so nervous, I still don’t understand why!  _ The happiness Dean was feeling at Cas’s response to the passport was pure sunshine. His heart swelled and Cas couldn’t help smiling as he remembered it through Dean's eyes. But what he felt next shocked Castiel to his core. As he saw himself embrace Dean in the enthusiastic hug, instead of the usual hesitance he felt a longing so intense it genuinely took his breath away. Dean no longer wanted to pull away after an appropriate amount of time had passed.

He clung to Cas, enjoying the feeling of his firm, warm body against his own.  _ What was that? Something so fleeting...exhaustion, but he was rested at that moment. No, it was exhaustion but not physical. Tired...of what? What am I missing? Restraint. From what though? _ He saw himself sit back, Dean’s longing intensified as he stared into Cas’s eyes. Beauty.  _ Astonishing beauty. Dean thinks I’m beautiful?  _ Cas was sure he was blushing, even in the dark his face must be bright red. Dean felt Cas’s hand grip his shirt and gently tug him close. Cas felt a wave of love hit him followed by a secondary wave of... _ need.  _ No, this can’t be right. How many times had Dean said to him, “You’re like a brother to me”? He never felt this way towards Sam. Why was he different? Yet here it was, Dean was feeling love mingled with need so acute it bordered on pain. 

For a brief second Cas dared to hope this was true. But reality crashed through and he understood this must be part of the dependency, confusion about his feelings.  _ Why do I set myself up for this disappointment?  _ He was so weary of this ache, it never seemed to stop. And lately it was making his vessel tired too. He reached over for Deans phone to check that his alarm was set and laid back with him. No matter how much it hurt, he wanted to remember how it felt to be close with this human in the stillness of the night. He recalled the brilliant happiness in Dean's eyes as they sat so closely on the couch and held on to how it felt as he drifted off.

Dean felt his alarm go off on vibrate, he wondered how had it moved from the nightstand to under his pillow. He pulled it out and dismissed it. As he stretched he became aware of the warmth from another body next to him.  _ Damn. Hope I didn’t wake anyone last night. _ He carefully rolled over to face Cas who hadn’t even stirred yet. There was something so blissfully comforting about having him this close, as if he should have always been there. If he thought the angel beautiful while awake on the couch last night, he was flat out breathtaking sprawled out next to him in slumber. He chanced running his fingers through the dark hair, recalling how he’d secretly fantasized about it for years. When he’d found him in the bunker a few days ago drunk as a skunk, he’d felt a sickening stab of jealousy at whomever he assumed had the pleasure of screwing him into such a deliciously debauched appearance. Relief nearly knocked him over when he realized nothing of the sort had happened. He was so stunning to look at, Dean as per usual, mused that an angel that good looking deserved teachable moments of  _ every  _ variety and the fact he couldn’t bring himself to volunteer was... _ truly a fucking crime. _

He untangled his fingers from the angels soft hair and let them delicately trail down his face. He knew it wasn’t just morning hormones making him crave those delectable lips, last night he’d taken to heart what Jody said and had been so close to finally learning what that mouth of his was capable of. He would’ve let his lips silently say everything he’d always held in his heart for his best friend. When Alex interrupted, he thought in all sincerity that she might be the only girl in the world to break his heart and he wasn’t even in love with her.

He allowed himself a moment to fantasize what the kiss would have been like and then dared, ever so cautiously to kiss Castiel’s forehead. Just for a second, he imagined the heaven it would be to wake up like this every morning, holding the person he loved most on this earth. Then moving from his forehead to his ear Dean gently whispered “Cas...Castiel, wake up buddy.”

Cas had a vague sensation he wasn’t alone. His mind was awakening but his eyes weren’t ready to open. He recognized the delicious smell of Dean and without thinking threw his arms around his favorite human, buried his face in his neck, and placed a few wet kisses there.

_ Oh for fucks sake did he really just…. _ Dean very nearly lost all semblance of self control. If it weren’t for the risk of Jody coming in to verify signs of life, there’s no telling what Dean would have done. Instead he indulged one last time and ran his fingers through Cas’s already mussed hair. A purring sound rumbled from the angels chest and then he suddenly remembered himself, “Dean I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me,” he apologized.

“S’alright Cas” he whispered, _did he actually pur when I touched his hair?_ Before losing his nerve, he quickly kissed Cas’s forehead one last time, ”Cuddles are scientifically proven to do a body good. But we have a flight to catch so.. up and at’em.” _Cuddles?_ _Seriously_? _What on earth is all this? What are we doing? Feels so damn good.Too good. I’m not going to survive an international flight with a heavy case of the blues. I better take care this NOW._ Grabbing a change of clothes he gave Cas a strong, side hug for obvious reasons, ”Thanks for helping me again, I’m sorry. If I could shut it off I would. But ah...well anyways, I set some clothes out for you last night on the dresser, shoes are in your bag. I’m gonna get myself ready,” and darted out in the hall leaving Cas to collect himself for the day.

As Cas put on the clothes Dean left for him, he couldn’t remember being this sleepy since he had been human. He silently berated himself for his obnoxious behavior a few minutes earlier. The most perplexing thing though was Dean’s reaction. Normally he would’ve either jumped away as if Cas were a spider, or awkwardly and firmly extricated himself. Not that he had assaulted Dean like that before, but he knew Dean well enough that those were his most likely responses. So why did Cas remember the blissful sensation of fingers running through his hair and whispers in his ear?  _ And the kiss on the forehead? I’m aware it's not a behavior strictly sexual in nature, but Dean actually kissed me?! He didn’t push me away when I clung to him like a disturbed needy person, he kissed my forehead and said cuddles were good. It is true that physical contact is essential for a human's emotional and mental well being, maybe this is what he meant, given how he saved Sam.. but then why did he kiss me? Uh! This is so confusing, if I can’t read him correctly I might mess everything up between us!  _

Dean took longer than he should have in the bathroom, but he was already getting preflight nerves. If he had to be trapped on a plane for at least 14 hours, he refused to do so feeling like he’d been kicked in the nuts. Once he’d taken care of the morning wood, he finished the usual routine and grabbed his bag to put in Jody's car. He heard voices in the kitchen and the smell of coffee promised to further revive him. Dean abruptly stopped in the doorway though and dropped his bag. Both Cas and Jody turned, looking puzzled.

_ What. Have. I. Done.  _ Dean saw Cas leaning over the counter talking to Jody as she sipped her Lazarus brew and made an audible * _ Gulp* _ sound. Jody had no way of knowing Cas’s wardrobe never changed, so she couldn’t truly appreciate how the cut of his jeans made his ass & thighs look like a divine gift from Chuck himself. The cobalt sweater he’d grabbed while Cas was ogling a stuffed lynx at the store matched his eyes so perfectly they nearly glowed and it hugged him in areas Dean had no idea were so firm. Since Dean had hogged the bathroom with his  _ stress reduction activities,  _ Cas hadn’t had a chance to fix his hair which was looking all manner of completely fuck-tastic.  _ He doesn’t need to fix that hair, it can stay juuust the way it is. Ok stop, now they're staring at you. _

“Hey, hi, any coffee left?” He did his best to recover from his temporary stroke and not look at Cas too much.

“Sure. Knock yourself out,” Jody smiled.

“Oh I plan on it. Made sure to bring enough Dramamine to knock a grown moose on it’s ass, along with the entire Metallica library on my iPod. I’m gonna be totally unconscious,” he grinned, rather pleased with himself. Until he looked over and saw Cas giving him a look loaded with _don’t_ _you_ _dare_.

“Dean you haven’t been getting the best sleep lately, I’d rather not have to carry your lifeless body through the airport when we switch planes in L.A.” Cas pointedly remarked.

_ Ugh. Crap, that’s not gonna go over too well if I start screaming and swinging over the Pacific and Cas has to sit on me while fending off the Air Marshalls. Crap! Crap! Crap! _

Dean rolled his eyes and downed as much coffee as he could. “Fine, but I don’t wanna hear a single complaint when I have to crawl over you 40+ times cuz of a caffeine induced overactive bladder.”

Castiel almost offered to give him the aisle seat for his convenience, but then bit his tongue as he conjured images of Dean actually crawling over him. He stood up but remained leaning slightly on the counter with one hand and locked eyes with him, “There’ll be no complaint from me,” he said sternly, “Dean, you should drink all the coffee you want.”

Jody glanced at them both, then started downing her coffee to hide a smirk.

_ Was that...is he actually flirting with me? In front of Jody? You suave bastard, nobody outflirts me. Alright, let’s see how fast you cave. Teachable moment in 5,4,3,2... _

Without breaking eye contact Dean made a point of slowly putting down his coffee cup and walked right up to Cas. Closing the distance he stopped just short of their chests touching.

Dropping his voice slightly, Dean teased,  _ “ _ Well now Cas, is that an invitation or a command? If you’re gonna flirt with someone you better make your intentions clear. Let’s say I’m a girl-or a guy, I don’t judge, giving  _ you _ mixed signals. What are you gonna do?”  _ Easy as pie, now he’s gonna be so flustered! _

Except he wasn’t. Cas rose to the challenge and smoothly delivered his one up, “That’s quite simple Dean, I’ll leave no doubt as to how much I’m looking forward to bringing pizza over and thoroughly enjoying it with you.”

Dean heard glass shattering on the kitchen floor, his knees buckled underneath him as every last bit of his composer crumbled like a house of cards.

_ JUST KILL ME NOW. Mayday, mayday ..I can’t breath...maybe I really am having a stroke..Jeezus...does he realize what he’s doing? I can’t even…” _ Oh gosh Jody, you alright?”

Barely a second had passed since Cas’s silver tongue stunned the shit out of Dean. Eternally grateful for whatever had caused Jody to drop her mug, he crawled swiftly over to her in an attempt to cover up what was possibly the single most embarrassing weak-in-the-knees moment of any person in human history.

“Yeeeep, just a klutz in the mornin’ sometimes,” Jody managed to squeak. Dean could tell by her reaction that although she didn’t completely understand the pizza reference, _ and DAMN that had been smooth one,  _ she sure as heck picked up on something. Dean started to laugh it off, “Aha ha ha Cas, that was a good one, maybe you’re catching on to human nature better than you give yerself credit for.”  _ Now you’re the one flustered and backpedaling, idjit. _

_ “ _ I got it, I got it. Why don’t you guys get your stuff in the car, we need to get going in a few minutes,” she nervously insisted.

“Ok, we’ll see you in a few minutes then.”

Dean reached up for the towel Cas had retrieved for her, noticing that Casanova had retreated back to his hometown of “Outta Nowhere” and adorkable Cas was back. They both grabbed their bags and put them in Jody’s cruiser. She was out in under 3 minutes and they were off to Nebraska.

The 4 hour drive flew by, they were all a bit quiet at first, but conversation emerged like popcorn and by the time she pulled into the terminal Cas knew he would miss the Sheriff. He was glad to have finally met her and thanked her for his new I.D.’s. He gave her a hug and moved the bags to the curb. Dean had been somewhat quiet since this morning, Cas wondered how much of it had to do with his boldness in Jody’s kitchen. He hoped he hadn’t crossed the line, it seemed like Dean was having fun. This human always mystified him.

“Jody thanks so much for everything, it always great seeing you,” Dean said as he hugged her goodbye. She held on to him and whispered, ”You’d better come back from this trip one gleeful punk, got me? That angel is something else,” she winked knowingly at Dean.

“Yes ma’am” he smiled back, “Be careful, as always. Give Claire a skeezer high five from us.” And with, that they disappeared into the airport.

The second the sliding doors closed behind them, Deans fear of flying seemed to kick him in the rear end, reminding him it wasn’t going anywhere. He wasn’t sure how he’d manage the next 24 hours without sleep, it would be mid morning in Brisbane when they arrived so even a nap was out of the question. As they checked their bags, Dean nervously watched as the scanner revealed the contents and breathed a sigh of relief that Rowena’s spell had indeed taken successfully. They moved through the checkpoints slowly like cattle, Cas seemed oblivious to the TSA agent that shared an uncanny resemblance to him, although his voice was different.  

They found their gate, grabbed a seat, and waited. Dean bounced his knee absentmindedly and fidgeted with their boarding passes. “Are you alright? You aren’t upset about this morning are you?” Cas worried.

“Me? No, no that was funny Cas, smooth move man. You’re catching on. No I just can’t stand flying. We worked a case over a decade ago where a demon tried to bring down the plane. I wasn’t a fan of the friendly skies before then and been even less of one since.”

As the minutes ticked by Cas could see Dean becoming increasingly stressed. Once they boarded the small Airbus, he offered the aisle seat to Dean. He really had wanted Dean crawling over him repeatedly, but was beginning to see how severe his anxiety was and hoped this tiny gesture helped him. The novelty of flying in an airplane had Cas conflicted. He was very curious to see how it felt in comparison to Dean’s speeding in the Impala along an open highway, but at the same time it made him so very heart sick for his wings. Most of the time he did his best not to let things like this get him down, but an angel of the Lord taking a flight to LA was downright degrading no matter how you spun it.

Dean jumped slightly at the plane pulling away from the gate and proceeded to put on his Metallica collection. His hands were balled in fists on his lap and he let his head fall back against the seats headrest, closing eyes in a sincere attempt to enter the Sandman's realm. Cas was torn between peeking out the tiny window to witness the take off and visually monitoring to make sure Dean was ok. Even though his respiratory rate was elevated he seemed to have a handle on his emotions, so Cas looked for the plane's wing. It bounced furiously in the frozen wind as they began to taxi towards the runway.  _ This sensation is so odd compared to Dean’s car. I’ve seen planes take off, they go so fast...wonder if it will hurt? _

His attention was ripped away from the airfield as the plane began increasing speed in a long straight line, to his left hand which was suddenly being squeezed hard by crushing warmth. He looked down to find Dean gripping his hand, the hunters other hand looked like it might crunch the metal armrest it clung to. Dean defiantly looked ahead, but was glancing sideways and puffing out rhythmic breaths in a failed attempt to calm himself. Of all the views Cas had seen in his lifetime none were as important as the one next to him. Hoping to distract him with what he’d learned the previous night and this morning, he leaned to his left and placed his right hand on Dean's cheek, turning his face dangerously close to his own. “Look at me,” Cas commanded in his stern voice, “look at me right now and tell me  _ exactly _ what you would do if I brought you pizza Dean.”

Those words sent a shock wave through Dean and settled right between his legs. They both felt the shiver, and how his breathing was becoming more uneven, labored. The tone the angels voice took with him was almost a snarl, his own desire to obey was so strong that his body was compulsively reacting to it now on a molecular level. The need to completely submit to Castiel’s will had begun to render the typically suave Dean Winchester to a stuttering mess, much to his dismay.

“I...I’d answer...the..door”  _ You’d answer the damn door? Do you want to be “having the sex” now too? Smooth line there Anthony Michael Hall... _ his breathing continued to accelerate. Mental images of the plane crashing in a fiery blaze of glory flashed between pictures of Cas chucking a pizza on the bunkers kitchen counter and demanding payment in various forms of physical gratification went back and forth in his head. Terror and lust warred inside him as his imagination continued to fuel his panic attack.

Cas could sense the situation was not improving. Dean was sweaty and pale, his pupils were so blown only a slight ring of brilliant green shone in his wide eyes. The angel could feel fear emanating from him, but as soon as he’d issued the command he’d felt that wall of physical need hit as well. “Dean…..Dean...” Castiel sensed the conflict raging inside this man, it was fast approaching a breaking point. Dean was going to completely freak out if  _ something  _ wasn’t done to instantly distract him. In a split second decision, Cas pulled the trigger on the only option he could see  _ not  _ involving the Air Marshall.

“Screw this” the angel growled, his eyes briefly locked with Deans just before he leaned in and pressed his lips against the hunters. The electric current that sparked between them was evident the second their lips touched. Dean had been hyperventilating but instantly stilled and leaned back slightly. Their lips had barely made contact yet he’d pulled away, Cas braced for an avalanche of heartbreak and embarrassment at having misread the situation. But Dean’s eyes were the same brilliance as last night, actually.. _ they’re even brighter?  _ He was looking at Cas as if the angel was his favorite 4th of July firecracker and one of the corners of his mouth was upturned in a lazy, beautiful, wonder filled smile. This made Castiel's heart swell with relief.  _ Thank the stars I finally got something right!  _ This relief quickly turned to something else, there was a nearly imperceptible sapphire flare in his eyes as he stared a Dean's lips.

_ I know that look. Cas stared at me like that back in Bobby’s panic room years ago, heh heh...I’d told him last time somebody looked at me like that I’d gotten laid... _ Dean leaned in this time, absolutely in love with Cas’s electrifying mouth. Their lips touched and pressed again, the current started anew and spread all over them. The angel's lips were warm and soft, and they parted only a little as his tongue gently nudged along the seam of Dean's mouth, sweetly yet hungrily asking permission to taste him more deeply. Permission was granted and Dean couldn't recall anything feeling this good or making him this happy in his entire life. The pace of Cas’s kissing was mind blowing perfection, not too slow and not too hurried. There would be plenty of time on this trip to try both, he’d damn well make sure of it.

Cas felt just as deliriously lost in kissing Dean, he reminded the angel of sunshine and honey. He didn’t have a darn clue what he was doing, but hoped he was good enough this hunter would want to kiss him again. _ Hmmm...our hearts are beating together, that’s curious.  _ Cas could feel Dean smiling through the kiss. He leaned closer into Cas and slid his free hand around the small of his back. If it weren’t for the arm rest they’d be glued from the waist up which was probably for the best given how tight both of their pants had quickly become. Regardless, neither of them seemed in any rush, they were so blissfully content to keep kissing.

Dean wondered if Cas wouldn’t mind kissing the whole way to Australia, because he sure as hell wouldn’t. Just as the dreamy thought popped in his head, familiar electronic pings began notifying the few passengers on board that they could “remove their seatbelts” and were “free to move about the cabin”.  _ That sly motherfucker  _ Dean smiled to himself. He could not give a damn what else he was now free to do, nor was he as concerned about the close confines of the plane. He still felt jittery though, and knew dwelling on it would bring those feelings right back. Yet thanks to Cas he had much more pleasant things to focus on, all he wanted to do is kiss Castiel and never stop. But he could hear the beverage cart rolling in their direction, they’d have to temporarily unlock lips to give the flight attendant a yay or nay for drinks, so now was as good a time as any to come up for air.

Thank goodness they’d chosen the very last row to sit in. This flight was nearly empty and most of the few passengers had chosen to sit up front. They had a quiet little area almost all to the themselves, Dean knew they wouldn't be that lucky on the flight to Brisbane. But the thought of not getting to kiss him for 14 hours even though he was right next to him was unthinkable!

Dean tightened his hold on Cas, but still enjoyed the mild pace at which the angels tongue was lazily darting around his own, the fantastic way he’d delicately nip Dean's tongue and pull it in to lightly suck on and then let go...Cas was reveling in mappingout his mouth and Dean couldn’t be happier to let him, but rather than have an awkward moment with the flight attendant he pulled away ever so gently and began peppering the angels face with kisses, secretly wishing it were possible to leave freckles on Cas. As the attendant approached, Dean whispered, “Hold that thought,” in his ear. “Two Sprites please,” he smiled and dropped his tray, but did not look away from those stunning cobalt orbs. She put the drinks down and continued on to the small galley around the corner. The plane bounced once, he felt a minor pressure fluctuation, and then the right wing dipped the craft in its correction course as they’d finally hit optimum altitude after take off. This made Dean begin to tense, his heart rate started to pick up again but then he realized he was still holding Cas’s hand. How many times had this angel now saved him? Especially from himself? He was about to snuggle up and ask Cas exactly how long he’d been dying to lay that kiss on him, but noticed the angels trademark Labrador head tilt and a slightly greenish hue spreading across his face. Not knowing if Cas understood what was eminent, Dean quickly swiped the barf bag from the seat pouch in front of him and handed it over just in time for the fun to start. 

“Oh Dean, what’s happening? I don’t understand...there’s nothing in my stomaagghh”-poor Cas curled over towards the window as he heaved a bunch of nothing in the small bag he held to his face. Dean kept a hand on his back, rubbing gently in an effort to soothe him.  _ Oh the irony.  _ He chuckled to himself.

“What can you possibly find amusing about this?” Castiel asked in half hearted offense in a meek voice. “I feel like I’m being turned inside out,” he groaned, as another wave of nausea hit.

“Let’s see, an angel walks onto a plane and gets airsick...stop me if you’ve heard this one already,” Dean snickered. “I’m really not making light of how you feel, it’s worse with nothing in your stomach. Your muscles are working harder to get rid of something that isn’t there. I have Dramamine patches and pills that  _ someone _ convinced me would be a bad idea to use, you may as well try them.”

_ It’s weird that he is affected, he doesn’t get sick in the car. Maybe if he can get air sick then the medicine could actually help. _

Dean grabbed the wristbands, patches, and pills from his carry on and helped Cas get set up. Not being sure of angel:human dosages he started with the bands and patches until the dry heaving abated. Then for good measure he gave him two pills with the Sprite. After several minutes Dean could see Castiel’s muscles relax, he gently pulled him into his side so the angel could rest his head on his shoulder. Dean would be lying through his teeth if he said he didn’t love having Cas so close,  _ finally. _

_ Where on earth had he learned to kiss like that?! I’ve slept with women who possessed some seriously impressive oral talent in my day, but Holy Shit that angels mouth...electrified mojo doesn’t even begin to cover it. And he tastes like the ocean and peppermint with a hint of redwood forest after rainfall, maybe he visits the Pacific Northwest? _ Cas began to lightly snore against Dean's side.  _ Perfect, I’ve managed to snag an angel that barfs AND snores.  _ He rolled his eyes and smiled simultaneously to himself.

_ But he’s also the best kisser on the planet and I can’t wait to find out what other hidden talents he has. Unless, he was just doing this to prevent me from going full blown panic mode and booted off the plane…. I mean, he did technically yack after kissing me. Shit, he so doesn’t need my kind of broken. Ugh, I hope this wasn’t only to calm me down, please let this be real. If this is the only real happiness I have I’ll count myself unbelievably lucky. _

Dean settled in for the rest of the flight, grateful for Cas giving him that kiss no matter what the reason. He tilted his head down to carefully rest on Castiel’s. It was beyond selfish but that kiss had sealed it for Dean, he knew he’d never want anyone else. If Cas didn’t feel the same, then at least he had a lifetime's worth of practice denying himself something everyone else had right in front of them and took for granted. A family that didn’t constantly die on you, a home that stayed in one place, a soft,clean bed that remembered you, and someone that made your heart sing to share these things with. Either way, something had changed irrevocably for them and for the next 4 hours whenever things got bumpy or noisy and his heart rate ran amok, he pulled the memory out and lost himself in it. This was going to be an amazing trip.

As the plane touched down in LAX and taxied to the gate, Dean  _ still _ had the stupid smile on his face. But it was time to wake up the snoring and now heavily drooling creature that had adorably burrowed himself in Dean’s side. He laced his fingers through Cas’s hair and kissed his forehead. “Cas, it’s time to wake up.” The angel stretched and leaned into Dean's hand which was still running through his hair. A pleasant rumble vibrated from his chest as he lazily threw his arm across Dean's waist, his hand slid like satin under the charcoal henley and settled over the skin of his hip bone just above his jeans. Dean’s eyes rolled back in his head and he bit down on his lower lip to keep something obscene from flying out, but he was pretty sure a whimper managed to escape. He contentedly watched as Cas slowly pushed himself upright, rubbing his eyes.  _ Gaah! How can he still be so freakin’ cute when he’s feeling this miserable? Speaking of…” _ Hey Sleeping Beauty, feeling better?”

Castiel felt like he’d been hit by a bus, he dropped his hands and was met with Dean beaming at him with that thousand watt smile which reached his eyes and made them twinkle. He squinted and  returned the smile with a small one of his own, then remembered kissing Dean. That had been the best few moments of his existence... _ and then he’d vomited! “ _ I can’t believe I got sick. How are you? You didn’t panic while I was sleeping?”  _ How could I do this to him? _

_ “ _ Relax Cas, you're uh... diversion tactics worked like a dream,” Dean's voice trailed off and his cheeks turned the most beautiful shade of red before covering his face with his hands. Cas quickly tugged his hands away and held them in his own. “I’m happy to hear that. But it wasn’t just a tactic.”  _ It’s important he knows this. _

Dean let out a sigh of relief  _ “ _ I’m happy to hear  _ that,”  _  he nervously laughed, then looked up to see Cas giving him an intense stare. He could see Cas struggling with something, the angels eyes were filled with longing, and a touch of sadness. But nearly everyone had hopped out of the plane as soon as they’d opened the gate, and they needed to get off.  _ Geez, did they ever need to get off. “ _ We’ve got a while before leaving to Brisbane, let's get cleaned up a bit and maybe grab some lunch if there’s time, it could help your stomach for later.” Dean grabbed both their carry ons in case Cas was still feeling woozy from the meds and his angel followed.

After having some soup at a small cafe near their gate, they both felt better. Dean had left the plane and taken them straight to the men's room to brush their teeth, change his long sleeve henley for a t-shirt, and Cas had straightened his hair which left his admirer in mild mourning. He was trying not to show it, but Dean was getting nervous again. They were standing in line to board, and even though Cas was right beside him and Apocalyptica on his iPod was calmly reminding him that Nothing Else Matters, he still couldn’t keep from fidgeting. Cas had no idea what he would consider an acceptable form physical reassurance, so he gave him a small smile and placed his hand on the back of his arm, giving it a light squeeze, then let go. Dean gave him a nervous smile in return and surprised Cas by linking their smallest fingers together. It was such a small gesture, but for the angel who was all too familiar with this stoic hunter, he silently appreciated the significance. Especially when he noticed a few moments later, Dean hadn’t fidgeted once since his grounding touch.

The plane was much larger but by some luck they again found themselves in the rear near the crew galley. Cas was already getting sleepy, Dean had insisted he take more medicine to ensure his lunch stayed put. Yet he silently vowed to fight it as long as he could to help Dean get through lift off. He began glancing around to assess their neighbors. Aside from a little girl about 8 years old and her mother across the aisle, they were essentially alone. He settled back in the seat to find Dean leaning in closely, pleasantly staring, nearly kissing him on his nose. His eyes were locked on Cas, indicating a mixture of anxiety, and  _ humor _ ?  _ A challenge?  _ A memory flashed in Cas’s mind, he was thoughtful for a moment, then grinning he dipped his forehead to touch Dean’s, their lips achingly close...his grin vanished, replaced with a stony expression and an irritated exhale.

“Dean, we’ve talked about this...personal space?”

Dean closed his eyes, dropped his forehead in his hand and his shoulders shook with a stifled giggle. Then he brought his head right back up at eye level with the angel, and with an incredibly confused yet serious expression, grumbled out, “my apologies.”

A second or two passed just staring at each other, then they both giggled a little at themselves. Their foreheads went back to gently touching, eyes staring, and Dean took Cas’s hand again this time lacing their fingers together. He pulled their hands up between them so he could kiss the back of Cas’s hand while trying to lose himself in the two bottomless pools of blue. As the jet started picking up speed, pushing them harder against their seats Cas could sense the familiar panic rising in Dean and an idea came to him. He kissed the back of Dean's hand and began singing a song from a movie he’d recently seen at a motel one night while hunting for Kelly.

 

“So kiss me and smile for me,

Tell me that you’ll wait for me

Hold me like you’ll never let me go

Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane, 

I don’t know when I’ll be back again

Oh Babe I hate to go……”

 

“Oh Wow Cas,” Dean laughed and his smile went straight to his eyes.   _ I am sooo gone for this guy, that was really cheesy and freakin’ adorkable! _

Cas started to worry, “I don’t understand, the astronaut sang that to his girlfriend in the movie to relieve her anxiety and she had the same smile that you have on your face right now!”

Dean started laughing even harder, “Ok Cas, one-you do remember that astronauts shuttle crashed, killing most of his crew members right? And two-did you just call me your girlfriend?”

Cas’s eyes got huge, he started stuttering, “I...I..uh…”,  _ oh dear, what did I do wrong? Which question should I attempt to answer first? The second one is complicated. If I say no will he be hurt? If I say yes will he be offended? How could I forget the ship crashed? Oh my gosh! _

_ “ _ Do you..want...to be my girlfriend?”  _ Did that come out wrong? Oh no, it didn’t work. He’s having some kind of a fit… _

Dean was leaning over his lap shaking and crying.  _ Stop it..heh he ha ha ha!!! You’ve gotta stop it, Cas is being seriou-aaahhh ah ha ha ha!!!!!  _ He sat up to respond to Cas who’s face looked terrified and heartbroken which unfortunately made him laugh even harder and even more tears poured down his face. He had to dig deep but he managed to stop laughing, he put his elbow on the armrest between them, placed his chin in his hand, and delivered with a fiery smolder, “Well Cas, nobody's ever asked me that before. But sure, I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

Cas rolled his eyes in frustration and embarrassment, “I meant boyfriend.” His cheeks burned, so he looked away.

Dean was back to laughing hysterically but managed to quip, “Either way, my ass is still hotter than both Liv Tyler AND Ben Affleck so it makes no difference to me.” Dean could tell Cas was mortified so he decided to employ some diversion tactics of his own.

“Cas.”

“Cas.”

“C’mon, Cas.”

Dean once more took Castiel's hand, which made the angel turn around. Instead of folding it with his own, he pulled the left sleeve of his T-shirt up and placed it over the skin which once held a hand shaped scar. A tingle passed from his skin to the angels, a memory of their beginning. “You claimed me, you wanted me. No matter  _ how _ you want me, I’m yours. So were you serious?”  _ Please oh please say yes. I’m gonna look like a real asshole here if you don’t say yes. _

Cas had that terrified  _ please don’t take me to another strip club  _ look on his face but he stirred up enough courage to ask, “Y-You’d want to..to..be my boyfriend?”  _ Please be a yes…. _

_ “ _ Uh, yeah Cas.” Dean's cheeks went fire engine red at that point. Cas let out a huge sigh of relief. He let his hand remain on the skin that used to carry his claim, the current made his fingertips tingle as his residual grace recognized itself. Dean looked at his arm and then at Cas,  _ he will always be such a mystery to me.  _ The angel looked over Deans shoulder, and saw the little girl with her back to them, curled against her mother watching something on a tablet. He turned back to Dean who was looking at him like he hung the moon, the redness still there in his cheeks. He rested his forehead again on Dean’s, got a mischievous twinkle in his eye and quickly lay a soft kiss on his lips, then put his head on his shoulder and drifted off.

Cas was such a hard sleeper he barely noticed his patches and wristbands were changed every few hours. Dean was 10 hours in, had lost track of how many coffees he’d had, how many trips to the bathroom he’d made, and how many times he’d replayed the last 24 hours in his mind. Part of him couldn’t wait to check in to their motel and tear the guy's clothes off, but then what? _I’ve never_ _been with a_ _guy, hell I never even kissed a guy until today! What if I freak out_ _and  Cas misunderstands and feels hurt_? _God he’s so_ _inexperienced! But he’s technically genderless_ _and if that_ _extremely_ _hot dominant_ _streak he has is any indication, he might be the one needing to cool his jets. I should have gotten over myself and been his first, he deserved so much better than what he got the first time around_.  

If he never wanted a woman again Dean couldn’t blame him(and of course hoped he wouldn’t). The only person Cas had slept with was a reaper who had possessed a poor girl and then actually stabbed him to death the next morning. He wouldn’t have felt the need to seek comfort with someone else if Dean hadn’t kicked him out of the bunker to protect Gadreel. Too much time had been wasted already because of his damn stubbornness, but he hoped Cas would understand if he needed a while to acclimate in this very new-to-him relationship.  _ I guess this trip is a good place to start, we can deal with everything and everyone else when the time comes. _

“Are you holding his hand so he won’t be scared of flying?” a sweet little voice asked him. Dean turned to the girl across the aisle whose mother was asleep, and replied with a genuine smile “Actually I’m holding his so  _ I _ won’t be afraid of flying.”

“He sounds nice. Mom says boys should hold hands more often,” she mused.

“He’s an angel for sure and I think everyone should hold hands more often.”

“I think so too, people might smile more, like you and him. I’m Beatrice, you can call me Bee though. What’s your name?” she asked and confidently offered him her hand.

“Pleased to meet you Bee, I’m Dean Winchester and this snoring halo is Castiel,” he said as he shook her hand, impressed.

“Winchester? As in  _ THE  _ Winchester?” her eyes grew the size of saucers.

“Um, if you mean the firearm, then that’s me,” he answered nervously.

She looked conflicted for a moment, far too conflicted for one so young. “Sure. People confuse my name all the time...I’m not a BeeGee, I don’t look anything like a Gib, and never was a fan of disco” she snapped.

Dean laughed a little, “Well this guy here would love your name, he’s got a thing for fluffy insects. So what kind of music do you listen to, if I may ask?”

“You may. Tom Petty, The Steve Miller Band, AC/DC, Journey, Toby Keith, CCR, and Eric Clapton are my current favorites but Joan Jett and Taylor Swift aren’t bad either.”

Dean grinned, widely. “That’s some collection...which Petty album is your fav?”

“Wild Flowers,” she glowed.

_ One thing’s for sure, her Mama is raising her right.  _ “Well, Bee who likes Wild Flowers, I like a girl who can talk tunes……..”

A few hours later Cas was awake, had been introduced to Bee, and as predicted he could resist neither the adorableness of her name nor chatting with her about his favorite winged buzz dragons. She marveled with him over the discovery of their butt “waggle”, which accurately communicates to the hive where pollen was last found down to the degree and was mentioning her concern over the honey bee disappearances when the flight attendants began distributing customs paperwork.  

They filled everything out, and went through customs like a breeze. While waiting for their bags, Bee approached cautiously and looked Dean in the eyes for a moment. She gently tugged his arm bringing him on his knee to her level, “Thank you Dean Winchester,” she said as she bear hugged him, “lots of them say thank you”. He looked at her quizzically, hoping for clarification, but she just grabbed his hand and placed it in Castiel's.  

“Be excellent to each other,” she comically droned, putting on her sunglasses.  _ Did she just quote Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure?  _ Clutching her sweater in her right hand, and giving them a Spock salute with her left, she departed with a simple, “Peace out dudes.”

Dean’s breath hitched and his eyes started to tear. “Oh wow….”

“Dean?” Cas squeezed his hand in questioning concern.

“That little girl..is uh, she’s pretty awesome,” he quietly uttered.

“Most highly intuitive children are. She listens really well, to everything around her. I found her to be very enlightened, pleasant company.”

All Dean could do at that moment was nod in agreement.

  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Bags in hand they started looking around for Alison. A quick scan yielded a girl with tan skin and waist length dark brown hair laced with brilliant golden highlights that glinted in every possible reflection, a lovely trait commonly shared by the First People. She was slender, nearly as tall as Dean and was holding a Winchester sign. 

They strolled over to introduce themselves, “Are you Alison Douglas?” Dean asked.

“Pleased to meet you. Dean I assume? And Castiel?” she smiled, offering her hand.

“Yep, thanks so much for retrieving us. About how far out are we?”  _ And will there be time for a nap… _

_ “ _ We’re about an hour out of Tamborine, should be a smooth ride south given it’s late morning. Let’s head out and I can fill you in on what’s been going on,” she suggested and swooped the weapons bag over her shoulder. Dean was impressed, he’d packed that thing til the seams nearly busted. They made their way through the car park and finally stopped at a dark blue Ford Ranger ex cab pick up with flood lights mounted on the hood and front grill. She easily lifted the hard tonneau cover off the truck bed and threw all 3 bags in with ease, securing them with bungee cords just in front of the huge metal tool box. Dean stepped back to inspect the truck, admiring the added bells and whistles that would make her professional life more safe and convenient.

She grinned and asked, “What did you expect? Fried out Kombie?”

“Nah”  _ yes. “ _ Nice ride you have here, some pretty slick add ons”.

“Thanks, my Dad helped me customize it for the park. My Girl’s not brand spankin’ new, but she gets the job done well enough. Dad taught me a bunch of automotive stuff since I was little, it’s been a big help,” she proudly stated.

“Mine too,” Dean mused. “Hey I’m sorry, we didn’t pull you away from a shift did we?” he felt guilty suddenly.

“No, I traded a friend for the 4am to noon shift a few weeks back. Haven’t been working in the afternoons lately, the heat’s been getting to me. I’m off today anyhow,” she pensively answered. “Hope you both packed accordingly, March here is late summer and the humidity can really pack a wallop.”

Dean laughed, “Try Kansas in the middle of July!”

“Yeah, I heard a lot about the midwest when I was at Stanford,” she opened the passenger door for them, “Hop in, there isn’t much room in the back but Dad helped me install the bench seat here so I could fit a few more people.” Cas got in first and slid over in the middle, Dean followed just after and tried to hide a yawn.

_Dean is so tired, he needs some rest soon. At least he can sit close to me on the drive in, maybe...he will want to sleep a little on my shoulder._ They left the airport and were on the I-95 south of Brisbane within minutes. Cas listened to the two go on for a little while about a lift kit she put on the her truck, he understood the mechanics of it somewhat but they definitely shared an enthusiasm for auto parts he wasn’t sure he’d ever acquire. The conversation eventually turned to the creature in question and the peculiar aftermath.

Dean recounted to Alison what they were able to find in their library and online. She didn’t have much to add other than relaying the attacks had started in November. They had been sporadic at first, as the creature didn’t need to eat often, but then the disappearances and body count had begun building at an alarming rate. The known method of killing the yara-ma-yha-who so far had not been effective.

“So how  _ do _ you kill one?” Dean inquired.

“Our shamans cast a spell that awakens the spirit in the fig tree the creature resides in. The spirit then crawls in its ear and makes a horrible racket, the noise repels the creatures own spirit out of its body which cannot survive like that. It is believed the creatures spirit leaves this realm and it's body is devoured by local scavengers. The fig spirit returns to its tree and settles back into its previous state of dormancy, restoring the balance.” Obviously something had gone wrong because Alison had a look of continued worry as she drove.

Dean stated, “I’m guessing that spell hasn’t been working?”

She shook her head, “Our tribes shamans have been mystified, they called in practitioners from other tribes as well to strengthen the spell and cast a wider net to all the fig trees in roughly a 75 km radius. But the attacks keep happening. So far 11 people  have been killed, two of them children...7 and 13. Most were tourists, but a few were locals.” She had a notable tone of sadness, but Dean knew not to push. “The last victim was an English boy, the 13 yr old our tribe had adopted a few years back, who lived in Cedar Creek.” Alison shivered, it was evident the park service had been involved with the investigations and she had seen some traumatic things. But Dean saw something in her that reminded him of Sammy and himself. She was a survivor, grew up knowing more than a child should.

“That’s about all I can tell you at this point. The elders will probably give you more information when you meet them. They weren’t thrilled to hear my mom had called for help, but her father is a highly respected elder on the council so they trust them both. They are willing to let you guys try to help, as they feel it's better to involve other hunters than our local authorities who have no knowledge, experience, or respect for the supernatural.”

Cas noticed Dean drifting, his head bobbing left, towards his own. Soon he lost his fight and his head rested heavily on the angels shoulder. He carefully extracted his arm and allowed for Dean to burrow in, his heart fluttered at this. It didn’t escape Alison’s attention, she smiled warmly at him and then at Cas who clarified “He’s a nervous flyer, didn’t get any sleep”.

“Guess it’s a good thing my parents have insisted you both check in to your motel right away and get some shut eye. We should be there about noon and the tribe elders are hosting a dinner meeting of sorts about 7 t’nite. That’ll give you both time to recharge your batteries some.”

“How did your parents meet Mrs. Tran again?” Cas wondered and was trying to make polite conversation.

“They honeymooned over here, for a backpacking adventure. My parents visit the park often, they belong to a conservation society and they met Henry and Linda Tran on one of the many hiking tracks. They hit if off right away, spent a lot of their vacation time here. They came back often as well. Mom had me, Linda was expecting Kevin...then Henry suddenly passed. It was hard for her but Mom said she was so strong. She still came here every year with Kevin, I loved when he’d visit because I’d play tour guide and we’d run around near the trails. He was curious about  _ everything _ , always asking questions. Linda worked hard to stay one or two steps ahead of his learning rate. Guess it got to the point where she had to prepare for an episode of Twenty Questions wherever they went to keep up with his curiosity. She always made science so fun for us when she was here. Kevin was incredibly fascinated by the forest, it was something we both shared a love for. We didn't see them as often when he hit high school, his studies were really important. But we skyped a lot. He was only a year younger than me, and so much like a brother- always teasing me but with kindness behind it. I was really looking forward to having him with me at Stanford, the people I’d left for my own studies were never far from my mind. Even though he was American, he would have felt like a piece of home,” she wiped a tear away. “Well anyways, I’m glad you both are here now to help. Mom’s been so worried. Um, ya wanna listen to some music?”

“Yes” Cas replied. He could sense her sadness and thought music would be a welcome change in vibe. She turned the radio on and a popular American Country artist was singing,

 

“Slide, slide over nice and close

Lay your head down on my shoulder

You can fall asleep, I’ll let you

Dream, life ain’t nothing but a dream

Don’t wanna be cruisin’ through this dream without you”

 

_ This sounds like a nice song, maybe I can ask Dean who the music artist is another time. I wonder what kind of songs he likes? He listens to classic rock and roll, but which songs does he like most for the words? Hopefully I’ll find out. _

Cas smiled to himself, kissed the top of Dean’s snoring head, and cuddled close for the rest of the drive. Alison glanced over now and then, she didn’t seem uncomfortable with how close they were. In fact, by her smiles she found it as adorable as Cas did, so he decided he liked her.

They pulled into the Tall Trees Motel at high noon. Dean was a bit fuzzy but perked up when he saw the lush surroundings they were in. Green trees and bushes  _ everywhere _ with beautiful, colorful plants and flowers.

“Nice, just like Paradise Island here..and no ice storms to be found! What a difference another hemisphere can make.” Dean bemused.

“Welcome to Tamborine” Alison gestured all over, “glad you like it! I’m gonna head over to my parents for the afternoon, here’s my number if you need it. I’ll be by at 6:30 tonight and you can follow me over to the meeting. Rest up guys!” And with that she took off.

“I’m gonna get our room, Linda said she got us a car too which should be parked here somewhere. You wanna come in or take in more of the view?”

“I’ll stay here, there’s an incredible amount to look at….” Cas marveled.

“Yeah. It's really beautiful here,” Dean stated, without taking his eyes of Cas. Then he darted over to the office so the angel wouldn’t see his cheeks matched the beautiful red flowers hanging from the ivy surrounding the motels main structure.

He returned about 10 minutes later, keys in hand looking a little miffed. “Linda reserved a room with double queens, but it's still peak season so uh…” he shifted nervously and fidgeted with the keys, “all they had was a king. I wasn’t sure how you felt about that, they said they could bring in a cot until another room with 2 beds opened up.”  _ Crap this is so awkward! Really hope he doesn’t mind sharing, I want to wake up next to him in the morning, every morning. _

The angel’s mouth turned into a one sided smile for a second. Cas’s hand slid around Dean's waist, pulling him flush against himself. Then he raised his left eyebrow, donned that insanely dominant expression, and with a whisper in Dean’s ear that sent chills straight down south he answered, “Your recent nocturnal activities will likely require me to physically subdue you for most of the night anyhow. I’m sincerely looking forward to the convenience of being close enough to pounce when necessary.”

_ Uh...mmm..um..uh.jfc..Casanova returns. Jeezus he just can’t say stuff like that out in public,shit. Say something back !!!  _ But all that came out was a breathy “awesome”. Vitals check-  _ am I even still breathing? Excellent. Let the games begin... _

Dean’s eyes sparkled with mischief as he snaked his hand up behind the angel's neck and leaned in, his lips just far enough away that Cas could feel the warm breath from Dean’s mouth like a feather touching his own. “Cas, why wait til it's out of hand hmmm? Feel free to take a more proactive approach,” he fired back in a sultry voice. He moved in slightly as if to kiss Cas, but then swiftly bent down to grab their bags and sauntered off to find their car with a captivating smile, leaving Cas speechless.

_ It seems like he’s craving physical affection, maybe even intimacy as much as I am? I never thought he’d be so playful and receptive, his life has become far too serious lately. Not sure he realizes how much HE needed a break from things too. _

He followed the sound of Dean pressing the key fob around the corner of the motel in search of their rental car. He heard one last Beep! Beep! and the unmistakable sound of Dean's pissed off voice hollering, “Oh c’mon! Are you freaking kidding me!!!” Cas came around the corner and saw Dean's trademark dimples of discontent and asked, “What’s wrong?” The hunter looked at him but pointed the key fob in the direction of the aisle of cars and pressed once. The car making the beep! sound was the first in line and when Cas saw it he had to stifle a squeal.

“A friggin’ Smart car, can you believe this?! The damn thing looks like a pregnant roller skate and I dunno how I’m even gonna fit the weapons bag in there let alone me!”

The black and yellow car looked adorable to Cas, but he was covering his mouth with his hand and all he could get out was, “You mean a pregnant bumble bee?!”

There was no mistaking Cas’s glee, nor Dean’s offense at the lack of support so he shot back with, “One more ‘glass is half full’ comment about this abomination and so help me Cas- you’ll be following me around the park on a damn moped!”

“But Dean, it's so compact and...and smart looking!”

Deans face was utterly incredulous, “Cas, have you seen what one of these,these  _ things _ look like after a collision?” Cas shook his head. “It don’t look too fuckin’ smart, I’ll tell you that much. A bug hits that windshield and the bug will walk away, meanwhile the driver is left with a salvage title to an undrivable micro machine!”

“Let’s see if something else is available later, I think you need a shower and some rest Dean, please,” he begged, pulling his hand towards the row of rooms. Dean huffed and puffed, but followed his angel to the room. Once inside, it was blissfully cool. They hadn’t realized how warm it was getting outside until a wall of icy air greeted them. Cas shooed him into the bathroom for a shower immediately, he always noticed a remarkable improvement in Dean's mood afterwards...perhaps the water temperature or pressure was relaxing? When he had been human he needed to shower daily, but it always made him feel like a drowned cat so he was in and out as quickly as possible. He never understood what people meant by a “good soak”.  _ Oh well, Dean might want his bag and a pair of pajamas to help get suitably comfortable for recuperative sleep.  _ He could hear the shower running, he waited until the shower door was closed before quietly setting his things on the chair just inside and closing the door again. He looked through his bag and found Dean had packed him some new pajamas too, even though he didn’t sleep, usually. Dean never ceased to amaze him. He never felt uncomfortable in his “tax accountant” clothes as Dean referred to them, but he still clearly thought about what would make Cas feel comfortable, if he was willing to try. So he decided he would try, for Dean. He quickly changed, and despite the recent sexually charged exchange outside, he felt it still too presumptuous to be waiting in the bed like he was some overly eager, hormonal teenager.

He wasn’t sure what to expect, his body wanted to pin Dean to the wall and punish him in deliciously wicked ways for every wrong Dean had committed since they met. But his mind wanted to do everything right and treat Dean with the soft love and reverence his soul so deserved. This physical ache humans felt for each other was pure torture compared to the spiritual longings from grace or soul.  _ How do couples refrain from procreating in the streets in front of everyone? Does it get easier after engaging in sexual activity? Or does it make them crave it even more? _ His own experience made him a poor judge, he’d had no desire to repeat the act for a very long time afterwards...despite loving Dean so very much. He wished he could’ve lost his virginity with Dean. His vessel, Jimmy had been happily married so it was not new to him. But to Cas it had been, in hindsight he would’ve never slept with that poor girl.

But that was it, wasn’t it? He had lost his virginity to a girl, so maybe he still had a virginity of sorts to “give” to a man. Cas liked this idea, it wouldn’t be his first time having sex, but he was choosing to give this inexperienced part of him with a man to Dean, if Dean would accept this. When and if the time was right, Cas was in no rush after the things he'd seen and experienced both in Hell and here on earth. Maybe it would be too difficult for him and Dean both, but he was certainly willing to try if and when a right time presented itself. This made him feel less regretful, but he decided he wanted to let Dean set the pace. As far as he knew Dean could’ve had hundreds of experiences with girls, but he wasn’t sure if Dean had ever been with another man. He thought it unlikely given his own observations of Dean, and found himself hoping if this were true then perhaps they were more similar than he realized and their first time would really be with each other, again only if it was something he and Dean wished to work out and try..

This whole physical, sexual relationship was clouding his judgement. Perhaps it was incredibly selfish of him to want this so much. He had no clue how to begin helping Dean with his dependency on him, but if he was going to be responsible for Dean not remembering this he knew this time it would be truly consensual for his partner and he will have had a complete experience with the soul he’d chosen to love forever.

The door to the shower opened, and Cas found his heart speeding up.  _ Am I nervous? I guess this what nervous feels like. And excited. No matter what happens, or doesn’t happen, I get to hold Dean for hours not only with his permission, but his expressed desire. How am I so lucky? He LIKES me! _

Cas decided if Dean would sleep, he’d need the room more dark, so he pulled all the curtains, locked the door, and set the alarm on Dean's phone for later. He sat back in the chair, pulling his legs up in front of him and waited a few more moments. The door finally opened and out strolled Dean looking indeed far more relaxed in his pajamas, his eyes nearly the shade of emerald against the darkness of his spiky wet hair. Cas was certain his heart had just fallen in love all over again.

“I feel so much better, thanks for shutting me up and shoving me in there,” Dean mentioned appreciatively. He dried his hair a bit more and tossed the towel on the table and grabbed his phone, but set it down seeing it had already been set up. His shoulders were drooping as he pulled back the bedcovers and sunk in under the sheets. Cas secretly harbored the opinion that the image of Dean sleeping was a piece of living art that belonged in the Louvre. As Dean settled himself in the bed he looked expectantly at Cas. “Can’t fight my demons without my guardian angel, now can I ?” he playfully asked while patting the mattress beside him.

_ He doesn’t need to ask me twice.  _ Cas jumped up, slithered in next to him and in less than a second Dean had his hands all through Cas’s hair and his lips on his mouth in a slow but hungry kiss. The spark from their bond flared, Cas felt an energy surge as the muscles cinched and curled in his lower abdomen. Dean’s chest tightened in the center leaving him somewhat breathless, but both were momentarily taken aback by the frightening power passing between them. Cas needed to feel Dean's skin on his own and so began tugging and pulling up on the fabric of his shirt til it was over his head and gone. His hands roamed from Dean's ribs down to his hips. Cas slid an arm around his waist and tugged him as close as he could in a hug but let his other hand get reacquainted with Deans beautifully firm chest and arms.  

Dean was very nearly overwhelmed both physically and emotionally. Cas’s lips and mouth were incredible, from the second they touched Dean felt something like shocks emanating first from his chest then all over his body. They initially were quite sharp, almost painful, especially when Cas’s hands started moving. Once his shirt came off though it was if a dial hand turn down to a low buzz. He felt like he could just melt into his angel. Part of him couldn’t help wondering if at some point he’d freak out when it hit that he was kissing a dude, but since that first kiss on the plane he’d felt nothing but bliss. Even when the angels whiskers scratched his cheeks, a sensation he’d obviously never had before, there was no hesitation. He tried to kiss Cas slowly, show restraint, but his body had convinced itself he was 14 all over again complete with the raging hormones and insane hard on. _I just took care of that in the shower but_ _dammit all, I could cum right now just from those soft little moans Cas is making._ Dean craved more, and had trouble wrapping his head around the fact that he was almost 40 years old and having the absolute hottest make out session of his life...with Cas. Everything with him was amplified when kissing him, holding him. Dean's heart was just feeling so much...happiness and smiles and brightness, like a miniature sun shone from within. He actually smiled as his lips melded with Castiel’s. It thrilled him to no end that this angel wanted him in this way, that Cas’s hands were this friggin’ grabby, and that clearly Cas has a thing for sucking and nibbling his lips and tongue in the most seductive way. He hoped that enthusiasm would hold for the rest of his body. It was exhilarating being with someone who wasn’t quite so fragile all over, he pulled one hand from the angelic mane and let it ghost down his neck on to his broad chest. Cas’s tight muscles were strong under his touch, the revelation his best friend-no, _boyfriend_ wouldn’t break if he wanted to get a little, or _a lot_ rough had him reeling at future possibilities.

He could dream about the specifics of those possibilities forever but the nag in him couldn’t fight sleep off forever and he would be no good to Linda Tran or her friends if he didn't get a bit of shut eye before what was likely to be an onslaught of information at this meeting. Additionally, he was hoping to gain the tribe's trust as the main purpose of coming all this way was what the family business was all about-saving people, hunting things. His upbringing gave himself and the tribe common ground, he understood why they may be reserved in willing to allow and trust outside help. If their first impressions of him and Cas weren’t on point, then the trip would have been a waste.  _ Well, not a waste in every sense, Cas and I are finally together now...not too shabby of a thing to walk away with at all. _

Dean wanted to cry at the thought of breaking away from his angel. Cas’s hands were getting bold and at any moment would be getting into 2nd base terr- _ what the hell was 2nd base with a guy anyhow? Hmmm, who cares if it all feels so good, STOP NOW before the point of no return!!! _

_ “ _ Cas, as much as I soooo do not want to stop, like..ever, I don’t want to fall asleep in the middle of this. Blurred memories of any of this,” he gestured between them, ”are not acceptable. I want crystal clarity while doing this,” he lazily kissed Cas, “and this” he ran his fingers through Cas’s hair, “and especially this,” he kissed his forehead then rested his own there, holding Cas’s face in his hands and staring into those electric blue orbs.

Cas groaned in mourning of Dean's lips on his own, which made his hunter chuckle in amusement. His own body understood all too well the loss Cas was experiencing.

With a compliant grunt, Cas leaned away so Dean could get situated on his back, then rested his head on his chest, and crossed his arm over him in a protective gesture. Within a few moments, both were out cold. 

~*~*~

Dean was trying to remember something, he had to be somewhere or meet someone. It was difficult to think clearly, someone was touching his bare chest and kissing his neck, it felt heavenly. He was so groggy, why couldn’t he just slip back into unconsciousness with this nice person? He suddenly heard the familiar voice of his favorite creature in all the universe sweetly whispering his name while nibbling at his neck and down to his shoulder. Hmmmm, it was Cas... _ his  _ Cas, waking him gently, lovingly.

“Dean, we need... to.… get up and dress….. for the meeting” Cas muttered, kissing him every few words or so.

_ Right. Crap.  _ Dean took a deep breath and suddenly rolled himself over, pinning Cas’s wrists to the bed and the rest of him between his knees. He took a moment to enjoy the gorgeous angel below him who gazed back with perfect trust and happiness in his amazing blue eyes.  _ Dear GOD, how did I get this lucky?  _ He bent down and kissed him chastely once, then lightly sat back on the angels knees. Cas wore a small, questioning pout and tried to sit up before Dean slammed him back down with an evil grin, this time intent on wrecking that mouth of his. Fingers tugged through the dark locks on Cas’s head as Dean crushed their lips together. Cas’s arms clung tightly around his hunters neck and his hips began squirming and tilting, searching for something to press against. Knowing they’d never ever leave the room again if their lower halves touched, Dean kept his hips as far from Cas’s as possible while enjoying the returned enthusiasm for the rough play a few minutes longer. When the only options left were to pass out or come up for air, Dean pulled away and admired his handy work. Cas lips were swollen and his hair had nary a strand in place, he looked at Dean as if to say, “What in my Father's name was that for and why the hell did you stop?!”

Dean was still out of breath but as he got up from the bed he managed to explain, “That hair of yours was looking far too neat and tidy, yer welcome,” he winked, smiled, and ran to the bathroom. Cas was left lying on the bed wondering how on earth he’d fix the rather large and increasingly frustrating problem in his pajama pants.

Dean took care of his frustration in record time, the thought of doing anything more than kissing Cas was enough to violently shove him over the edge. The irony was not lost on him that he had a boyfriend in the next room who seemed more than willing to provide all kinds of violent shoving himself. He just didn’t want to go full steam ahead, panic over something, and hurt Cas’s feelings. If it were anyone else maybe he’d already be panicking, but something about Cas and him felt like two perfect puzzle pieces finally come together, two halves of a whole. With Castiel, his body and soul felt like they’d found their true north. The more he and his angel were together, in every sense, the closer they were to home. So maybe he wouldn't flip out after all? Every time they’d been in a fight, a jam, the latest apocalyptic scenario...no matter how far fate knocked them away from each other they always pulled back in the same way magnets do. How many times had Dean died and yet made his way home from the afterlife? How many times had the same happened for Cas? Sometimes he thought their relationship bordered on spooky with just how  _ right _ things felt when Cas was with him. Maybe there was some predestined cosmic reasoning behind it, the longer he survived the more he was open to the idea.  _ Well if we’re not too tired after this meeting of the rebellion, we can come back and test the water's some more.  _ He brushed his teeth and left the bathroom to find Cas curled up in one of the chairs, looking somewhat frazzled and still sleepy, with his clothes in a pile on the table..waiting patiently for his turn.

“All yours,” Dean said as he mosied over to his bag for clothes. Cas swiped his pile off the table and scurried in quickly. Dean giggled, got dressed, and sat outside where each room had its own little patio with a table and chairs. He noticed a boy down the corridor, maybe 8 years old with his father. They looked deep in pleasant conversation as they laughed and signed to one another. The father tickled him and his son playfully swatted him away. Then the little boy would try being the tickler. A young woman came out of the room and cheerfully jumped into the conversation. She was speaking and signing about how eating a good dinner would help him one day become a strong tickle monster who tortures little children of his own. The little boy noticed him as his family began heading out for the evening meal, and waved. Dean grinned and waved back just as Cas came out of the room all delicious in jeans, a pale green collared shirt, and the sunglasses Dean had purchased for him. It did  _ not  _ go unnoticed that his hair, although now styled more appropriately, resembled badass Cas from the days of yore with some strands askew.  _ How sweet of him, my pants are now too tight and hey look! There’s Alison just pulling in the parking lot. Aaaah, payback’s gonna be a bitch you feathered asshat.  _ It was a good thing Dean was wearing sunglasses too, Cas couldn’t see the need in Dean’s eyes, nor the glimmer of mischief.

If Castiel felt an angel on an airplane was degrading, then drama boy Dean felt equally emasculated driving the damn “not-so-Smart” car. He barely fit in the seat which would not properly adjust, the drivers setup was on the wrong side of the car, just like everyone drove on the wrong side of the road. Cas made a mental note to insist on driving back, for his own sanity more than Deans. The drive was short, as most of the tribe elders lived in the small town of Tamborine, a few lived in nearby Cedar Creek and outlying areas. They pulled into a neighborhood of homes that were arranged in a strange formations, Dean asked Alison about it when they got out.

“These houses were built quite a while ago, they keep getting renovated over the years but it used to be tribal tradition to position and build your home based on your role in a large family. Like a pecking order of sorts, an eldest sibling getting first pick of the bedrooms in a new house.” Dean could understand, he had always tried to get dibs on which motel room bed he thought was better.

“I’ll introduce you to my family,” she said with pride.

They wound around a few homes, bobbing and weaving through clothes lines and tall green grass that pleasantly blew in the evening wind. They came to a faded red home that faced the setting sun, Cas quietly looked to the horizon for a moment and Dean put his arm around his shoulder. Alison paused on her doorstep looking at the silhouette of the two, she didn’t need the magic of her tribe to see the powerful bond these guys had. She let them have their moment, in all fairness the sunsets here were pretty spectacular.

They walked back to the house and were greeted by a very tall, cheerful woman with stunning silver and black hair that spilled down her shoulders nearly to the floor like a picturesque cascading waterfall. Her face was far more dark than Alison's, her eyes danced in pure elation, even the wrinkles on her face seemed to be individual smiles making her appear quite jovial.

“Ah! Welcome, welcome both of you! Dean and Castiel, right?” she asked just before embracing them both in a grizzly bear of a hug. “We’re so thankful you’ve come to help. Linda has spoken very highly of you.” The reverence for her dear friend was was evident in her voice.

“Thank you Mrs. Douglas, and we’re the ones who should speak highly of Linda, she is quite remarkable,” Dean offered.

“That she is, and none of that Mrs. Douglas business, she was my mother-in-law. You boys call me Jobeka. Come in, please! It’ll be a few minutes still before the main event, can I get you both a beer?”

“Please,” Dean replied enthusiastically. They walked in the home that was filled with beautiful light from the afternoon sun. Immediately Dean could smell something mouth watering in the oven. He hoped he’d get to taste it... _ how long has it been since I ate?  _ The family room was inviting, a modest size space with blue and green sofas that dared you not to fall asleep once captured in their plushy comfort. The white walls held colorful native art as well as a few modern pieces. Just beyond the furthest couch was a small dining area with a round dark wood table, mismatched chairs, and a corner shelving system with an assortment of beautiful potted plants, books, photo’s and a small radio playing Bob Seger. To the left, a screen door was letting a comfortable breeze through the house, the sound of it dancing through the tall grass just outside was so peaceful. Jobeka sauntered into the kitchen for beer, her long hair and navy dress flowing behind her. She smiled warmly at someone just about to round the corner, then Dean and Cas saw a short girl in her early 20’s emerge. She too had very long hair, a deep auburn in color and midnight blue eyes. Gauging by her attire of a light yellow tank top and blue exercise pants, Dean guessed she lived there.  _ Step sister maybe? _ She seemed unphased by the presence of the incredibly tall guys standing in the middle of the family room.

“Are you the American hunters?” she softly, but enthusiastically inquired.

“We are,” Cas answered and was about to follow up with a “and you are…” when Alison chimed in with “Dean, Castiel, this is my girlfriend Shasta”.

Shasta firmly shook their hands and calmly professed, “It’s really so lovely to meet you. We all appreciate you traveling so far to help.”

“We’re happy to be here, and I sincerely hope we  _ can _ help. From what I’ve gathered, Australian hunters skills are exceptional, ” Cas said.

“Boys! Girls! Sit! Please..relax,” Jobeka fussed as she handed each a bottle of Four X brew and they settled in.

“Well, First Peoples have a long line going back to the hunter/gatherer era. At some point, priorities were such that we dropped the gathering and focused primarily on hunting for the natural and supernatural,” Jobeka explained.

A man with white hair, a modest pot belly, and fishing gear set his pole outside at the back screen door. He took off his Wellington’s, opened the door, and playfully hollered, “Wife! Where you be?!”

Jobeka grinned and jumped to greet him, “Cal! Come in! Meet the boys!” They kissed cheeks and the girls eyes lit up as he came over and kissed them both on the head, “And how are my girls?”

“Fine Dad,” they both giggled in tandem.

The guys stood up and shook hands as he greeted them, “Callum Douglas, great to meet ya!” he bellowed. He reminded Dean of Santa Claus without the beard, he reminded Cas of Buddha, little belly and all.

“How was the trip over?” Callum wondered.

“Long. But worth it, the weather is good and it seems like an amazing countryside to hunt for something so menacing,” Dean replied.

“Yeah, guess you can’t have beauty without the beast,” Callum silently took a swig of the beer Jobeka had brought him and then asked after a few moments, “met any other folks yet?”

“No Dad, they got here and crashed. I just brought them over a bit ago,” Alison hopped up at the buzzer sound in the kitchen.

Jobeka had a light sweater in hand as she came down the hallway by the kitchen. “Ready you two?”

Dean and Cas finished the last few drops of their beers, noticing Alison in the kitchen Cas asked “You all are staying?”

“Yep, Dad and Shasta don’t have the bloodline, so tribal law prohibits them from attending certain gatherings. Mom’s dad is an elder though, so she’ll be going with you and will translate if necessary.”

Callum fake pleaded to his wife, “Bring me home something still twitching, I can’t survive on plants alone!”

Alison acted fake offended, as she pulled the most delicious looking lasagna out of the oven Dean had ever seen in his life. “It’s your favorite, quit your whining,” she lightly chided. Shasta had come to help and was grabbing plates and flatware, to set on the table.

“There’s no meat in that?!” Dean said disbelieving.

Shasta chuckled quietly at him, “Nope, no cheese either. Entirely plant based. You’d be amazed at how yummy whole foods taste if they’re prepared right.”

“Remind me to get your recipe, my brother literally eats like a moose. He’d love it.”

_ “ _ Nice try Dean, you ate salad the other night. Don’t pretend like you whither on a healthy diet,” Cas said, playfully outing him.

“Yeah but it was a steak salad, I put steak all over it. Even you said I usually have steak, with a side of steak.”

“I ended up eating all your ‘side’ cuz you seemed to prefer the artery clogging taste of the butter leaf roughage.”

“I was tired and my appetite was off.”

The girls were once again in giggles and Callum sported a grin, “I promise not to confiscate your Carnivore card if you can try to sneak a bit of something back.”

Jobeka waved an accusatory finger his way and scolded, “Callum Seamus Douglas! Your promised the Dr-”

“I know woman, I know! Now get!!” Callum threw his hands up in fake frustration, grinning ear to ear. She melted, laughed, and two kissed goodbye.

They walked out the screen door into a humid, breezy, yet somewhat cooler evening. Dean liked the Douglas’s and their home. It wasn’t big or fancy, but it felt joyfully lived in and loved. It reminded him of what they were always fighting for, even if most of the world would never know it.

There was a sneaking suspicion that had been growing in the back of his mind for a while now. The British crew had rubbed him wrong from day one. They’d said they wiped out every vampire in England and nearly every monster. Which is good,  _ excellent  _ really. But in all their studying and schooling, did they find monsters who weren’t as their reputation dictated? Why were they really in the U.S.? Ketch’s treatment of the vampire was awful. She had to go, no doubt. But did he have to be so cruel?

It all gave him an uneasy feeling, a little too clean, black and white. Assimilate or eliminate, and it wouldn’t stop back home. He hoped like hell his brother would exercise more caution, this was not a choice he ever saw Sammy and him on the opposite sides of.

Cas leaned in to Dean as they were walking and quietly asked, “Did you by chance leave a way for Sam to contact us before we left?”

“I texted him, why?”

“It seems wise for him to have a means of communicating with you, should he need to, while we’re here. I kept forgetting to ask you about it.”

“He’s got my number, and for the motel too…. _ if _ he needs it.”  _ Weird timing,Cas. _

Outside was quiet, save the sounds of nature. Something was scurrying around in the grass as they walked. Flashes of fluffy white and orange periodically darted to and fro.  _ Cats out for prey, I hope. _

Jobeka slowed down a little to chat. “Now I feel the need to mention, it was not the tribe's decision to reach out for help in this dreadful matter. I made the call. They were surprised at first when I told them. It wasn’t decided against per se, but time is not our friend, especially now that two young ones have been lost. My father serves on the council, they respect his opinion. One day I will take his place, and they must respect mine.” She paused briefly, as if carefully choosing her words.

“I say this so you understand they were frustrated with  _ me,  _ for not discussing it first. If you sense they are less than welcoming please be aware, it's not directed in any way towards you boys and they really are grateful you’ve come. There’s been huge growth in the views and attitudes of the tribe for quite a while now. But you must appreciate that after what the First Peoples went through, what your native peoples went through, there’s some natural, lingering hesitation towards letting English so far into our world. I for one, think there is much for you to learn from our hunters. In turn, there’s also ample need for our tribe to evolve and learn through teachable moments from  _ you. _

_ “ _ My brother and I were raised in the life by our father, who was thrown in by circumstances surrounding our mother's death. We picked things up from a few other hunters here and there, the rest has been through trial and error. I’m not sure what knowledge or skill we have that your community doesn’t already possess,” Dean doubtfully responded.

Jobeka examined them both pensively, “All shall be revealed in due time then. Almost there, I hope you brought your appetites! When it comes to gatherings involving food, moderation is thrown out the window,” she gleefully warned.

They were on a path now and Cas could see a rather large, open area through the houses they were winding through. The sky had turned a magnificent combination of purples and deep blues. He could sense Dean was nervous, he squeezed his hand once before they walked out to the space where the smell of food wafted in temptation. A large group of men and women congregated around what looked to be a large buffet table. To its side was a long row of other tables and chairs. A woman walked by and happily greeted Jobeka with, “Jingeri!” and quickly wandered off in the direction of the crowd to alert them of their arrival.

A group of about fifteen people began walking over, Dean could tell they were tribal elders by the way they carried themselves. As they approached, he could see about half of them slow, their facial expressions were scrutinizing. The other half continued to approach though something in their demeanor changed. The youngest of them, perhaps in his late forties, seemed overly curious and made no effort to hide it. Others seemed reserved, or unsure if they should continue. Dean noticed Jobekas concern and began to brace for an uncomfortable confrontation.

One man stepped forward, clearly the tribal leader. His mannerisms and posture indicated he tread with severe caution. This leader wore a look on his face Dean had seen all his life from countless people who couldn’t comprehend what they were seeing. He was in disbelief. The look itself was not what concerned Dean, the fact this man led a nation of skilled hunters against Australia’s Most Evil and this was his reaction to them is what made Dean wonder if he should either draw his gun or pull out his best American charm. The leader's eyes flew frantically from Cas whom he regarded with astonishment, to Dean whom he reacted to with clear uneasiness. Jobeka bowed slightly in reverence and moved to speak but was cut off by a single word from the leader who was looking directly at Cas.

"Jimme” the man issued, almost as a question.

_ What? What did he just call Cas? Jimmy? What the hell is goin’ here? _

Cas instantly bristled at the word and his right hand subconsciously fidgeted as it did when he dropped his blade for a fight. The remaining elders behind him quietly gasped. Jobeka looked at Cas as if a final puzzle piece had fallen into place and she couldn’t quite believe the picture before her. Dean was itching to draw his pistol but knew if he reacted too quickly then whatever was happening would go from bad to worse and he just  _ couldn’t let Linda down. _

_ “ _ Cas? What’s going on? Jimmy, why’d he call you Jimmy?” Dean tried to sound calm.

“Minyunhi jimme?” Cas asked in consternation, “Minyung wahlu mingunn?”

Dean heard the leader speak in the tribe’s dialect, Cas was listening intently. After a few moments his posture marginally relaxed and he proceeded to exchange words with a few elders.

The leader glanced at Dean for a second, still unsure about him. It gave Dean an uneasy feeling, as if he were some vile specimen under a microscope but the man was trying to refrain from showing his horror. He moved his eyes back to Cas,and gestured between him and Dean “Bullei neubani?”

This brought Cas up short, Dean could tell he was flustered and...sad?  _ What are they asking him about? Why are they upsetting him? _

_ “ _ Yugumm,” Cas replied, shaking his head. His tone had a sorrowful weight to it, Dean didn’t like the way it appeared to make Cas feel.

“Bullei yilen tanyung” another elder stated as he stepped forward.

“Yau, yilen” Cas nearly whispered with devotion.

_Alright I’ve had enough. “_ Cas, what’s going on _?_ Why are they calling you Jimmy, did he travel here..” how to put this, “before we met?”

Cas turned and implored him, “It’s ok I promise, there’s been some confusion about us. But it’s important you let me have a few more minutes to sort this out,  _ please  _ Dean.”

And quicker than lightning, the current confusion exploded into chaos. The leader and elders recoiled at Dean’s name. They backed away. Some spit on the ground, as if to rid themselves of the very sound they’d spoken. There was a loud cacophony of “Dean!  _ Dean? _ Tcharmjung! Gulli tcharmjung! Yilen thung!”

_ I don’t understand, what the hell is wrong? Is my name a curse in their language? _

Looking to Jobeka for help, he could see she was busy talking worriedly with a rather frail looking man, Dean surmised it was her father. So he looked back towards Cas for clarity. Things had spiraled so quickly, Dean felt like a leper. “I don’t get it, how did we-  _ I _ , offend them?”

Cas frantically pleaded something to the leader before coming to Dean, putting his hand on his left shoulder, rubbing it in a gesture meant to calm, but it was obvious he was under stress. “I’m so sorry. I’m fluent in their language but in the context, here, for them, it didn’t occur to me until I said your name and they reacted. They won’t call you by your given name, it won’t be said by them.”

“Why not? Is it a curse or a spell?” Dean frantically asked.

The look on his angels face made his stomach drop.  _ Shit, this is not good.  _ Cas’s face revealed pain..or rather the anticipation of it.

_ “ _ No Dean, it’s not. Your name has two meanings, and that a single person is identified with both meanings lends to their heightened superstition. The first meaning is  _ fear _ .”

“Okay, and….”

“ The second is  _ the darkness _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yugambeh Translations-  
> Woman: Jingeri!/Hello!  
> Chief: Jimme/Feather, one with flight  
> Castiel: Minyunhi Jimme? Minyung wahlu mingunn?/Why feather? How do you know?  
> *Chief: Bullei neubani?  
> Castiel: Yugumm/No  
> Elder: Bullei yilen tanyung/But you both are very close.  
> Castiel: Ya, yuilen/Yes, very.  
> Various Elders: Tcharmjung! Gulli tcharmjung! Yilen thung!/No good! So not good! Very bad!  
> *This is from Dean’s P.O.V., it’s a need to know thing, so when Dean needs to know then you will too.
> 
> The coincidence of Jimme and Dean in the Yugambeh dialect blew my mind. Jimme is pronounced Jimmy and means "feather". Dean phonetically sounds identical to Duin, the Yugambeh verb "to fear", which again coincidentally was next to the word for feather in their dictionary. The Yugambeh noun Doan, phonetically sounds close to "D-own" and means "darkness." I merged the two for this fic, and have hardly needed to adjust meanings or pronunciations to make dialogue in the dialect complete. The dictionary itself is limited so I had to use the words listed to create a dialogue which would fit well in the story. The language and the Yugambeh people I found fascinating. 
> 
> Here is a pdf link, for anyone interested, to the dictionary provided online by the Yugambeh Museum in Queensland:  
> http://www.jabiru.org.au/wp-content/uploads/Yugumbeh-Full-dictionary-and-wordlists-2.pdf


	5. Chapter 5

Dean felt numb, except for his stomach which felt quite ill. His heart rate shot up, all his muscles were frozen, between the lack food, regular sleep, and now this hot mess, his body was  _ done. _

“I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you Jobeka, we didn’t suspect there’d be a reason to. Please take him!” Cas quickly reached in Dean's back pocket for the car keys and put them in his own. This got a small response, Dean looked at Cas, well more accurately through Cas.

“Don’t let him leave, don’t take him back to the motel. I  _ need  _ to fix this, for Dean and for  _ you. Please _ , neule guayahjil. Neule iba unyah dulgo, ngaio bujera neulongi,” he said, his voice heavy with a myriad of emotions.

She nodded her head hurriedly, “I see it, clear as day. You above all others can make them understand. To help them learn. Tell my father we’ve gone to Kubun, he’ll know where to send you. Now go!”

Cas nodded and turned swiftly back to the group. Everything in him was screaming to stay with Dean. He had been nervous meeting the tribe, worried, angry, and scared. Cas felt all of it spilling from him as the events of the last few moments unfolded. Yet, what Dean was feeling right now caused him intense physical pain, he wished he had a few moments to get in under control but all he could do was stuff it down as he approached the council with a silent prayer.

Dean trudged silently beside Jobeka as she led the way to whatever Kubun was. He hoped it wasn’t crowded, he didn’t want to smile and pretend like this whole cluster fuck didn’t go down. He wanted to fly home, then drown himself in whiskey.  _ What the hell did I expect? Fear the Darkness, really? Of all the names to have...they couldn’t have just assigned me Drinks a Lot? Or Watches Too Much Porn? God this is what I get for thinking I could have any kind of happiness. The Mark never really leaves I guess, no matter where I go it’ll always be right beside me, screaming at me every time I think it’s been put to rest. It won’t let me forget everything I’ve done, all that I’ve made a mess of, everyone I’ve hurt or killed.Thanks Amara. I really am poison, toxic down to my soul. Even the tribe could see it. The chief didn’t want to look at me, that was revulsion he tried to hide. And now thanks to me Mr. Super Socially Aware is having to salvage the situation, if it can be salvaged at all. I can’t go back home with a loss like this, I can’t tell Linda I’ve failed her again. Like I’ve failed everyone. Cas deserves so much better. _

They were following a path up an incline to a group of smaller houses, cottages really, which were nestled in a tiny hillside overlooking the other homes and open common area. Jobeka slowed a little, possibly winded. Dean offered his arm, she took it and explained, “This is Kubun. It means Hollow in our tongue, a place created for safety or respite. These days it’s mostly for tribal families moving to the area til they find a home or women and children fleeing a bad situation. We try to keep them stocked with basic supplies.” She took a ring of keys out, opening the first cottage. They entered, and she went straight to the kitchen pulling out some juice and crackers.

“Put something in your stomach young man” she lightly ordered. Dean had no appetite, he had been starving when they arrived but any urge to eat was now long gone. She must have clued in so she softly pled, “At least have the juice, you don’t need to pass out after….”

She sat quietly, looking extremely disappointed. 

“I’m sorry. My people have a good heart, they just to need learn to let go of certain notions, superstitions. Our old ways have been vanishing for a long time. We need to preserve them, but not at the cost of evolving ourselves. Who we are today, because of the past, is something of worth as well. They tend to forget this and focus only on the damage done. They hang on to certain things so tightly for worry of losing it all. We are more than just our names Dean.”

Anger and disgust welled inside of him, to the point where he could taste the bile. She had no idea how true this was. “Did Linda ever tell you how Kevin died?”

She breathed deeply, closed her eyes, and replied, “He’d been staying with friends and there had been some sort of head trauma. I didn’t want to push for a deeper explanation because of what she must have suffered with her own nightmare. We had been worried sick over here for months.”

“That’s the sugar coated version. My brother and I were his friends, he died on my watch because I didn’t place my trust where I should have, with  _ whom  _ I should have and my brother nearly disowned me for it. It was my fault, he’d still be alive if I’d just listened,” he was almost whispering as his rage simmered just beneath the surface. Jobeka’s face was pained, but not angry.  _ Why isn’t she angry? She should be furious with me. _

_ “ _ Listened to who Dean?”

“To myself. To the feeling deep down. I pushed Cas away when he needed me the most and if I hadn’t... he’d have known there was a problem and would’ve helped. Kevin would still be here. He didn’t deserve to go like that, he didn’t deserve any of the crap he went through. He was a good kid, and I failed him. So you say we’re more than our names, it’s true:

Hi, I’m Dean. I’m an Aquarius. I’m also a murderer, a closed off basket case with Mommy  _ and _ Daddy issues, I can’t resist a Hell of a deal, can’t outdrive bullets, friends tend to die because of my unhealthy sibling codependency, and don’t even ask what happens on Tuesdays...cuz apparently I can’t even stay dead even though I executed Death himself. I’m a helluva lot more than my name and everyone I love seems to pay the price for it.”

Jobeka sat there, absorbing his words. She waited for him to calm. Looking at him with concern, and also great care.

“How are you not even upset right now after what I’ve told you?” Dean questioned.

“It hurts to know more about it, but I also feel relief as well,” she replied.

“And what possible relief is there to be had?”

“I now know three more people that greatly cared for Kevin. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t carry such hurt over it. I’ve cried more tears than there are stars over that boy and his mother. But she’s forgiven you. When I called her, looking for help, she didn’t hesitate to mention you and your brother, the hunters that saved her. Linda lost her husband to fate and her son to stubborn ignorance, she has every reason to be bitter. But she’s not, she’s strong instead. You can’t change what's done, but you can control how you react to it. She fights everyday for her happiness because despite a life of mistakes and loss, she knows she deserves it. She spoke of you and Sam with fondness, if she can forgive you then so can I. Your-Castiel has, clearly. I think it's time you start to forgive yourself. Otherwise the darkness wins, and isn’t that what hunters dedicate and give their lives to prevent?”

_ Stalemate.  _ Dean exhaled harshly, unable to answer right away. He was still exhausted from the flight and minimal rest. He looked up at her, gave a slight nod, then drank the juice. She seemed to know he needed quiet so she pointed him to the couch while she busied herself cleaning and already spotless cottage.

He dozed on and off for the next hour, each time his head dropped down he’d snap it back up. He didn’t want to really crash til back at the motel. Foot fall on the porch got his heart racing, regardless of his unchanged mental state. There was a brief knock before Jobeka chimed, “Wumgin!”

Cas floated in, a little out of breath, and Dean felt a twinge of something pulling on his heart strings as he took in the wind swept sex hair he adored. Cas  _ ran _ his way up the hillside to him, when walking would’ve sufficed.  _ The idiot.  _ Last thing he wanted right now was anybody fussing over him with sweet gestures.

“Sorry that took so long,” he apologized.

“Don’t apologize, more talking means more explanation and understanding. I’m the one who called you here,” she shook her head in embarrassment, ”they can be skittish at times, but I assure you both my people are well intentioned.”

“Yes, they certainly seem to be. It took a while for them to calm down and for us to get through the elephants in the room, but once we did the conversation was quite productive.”  

“No doubt,” she chuckled to herself.

“I think you boys have had enough excitement for one night. You look like you could use a solid night’s sleep.”

“I spoke with your father, we’ll meet back here tomorrow at noon to discuss our role in helping with the situation.”

“I’m glad there will be a second meeting, I knew you’d fix this, that they’d listen.“

Cas nodded, then looked to Dean who was waiting silently by the door, his emotions were in check, but no less worrisome.

“Castiel, nyanha. Munga bullang konara djuya neulongi. Nga bugoram gumera,” Jobeka quietly informed.

“Yau, ngaio munai neeryeeng. Ngaio durungul neulongi barang. Thank you Jobeka, you’ve been very kind to us. I’m sure we’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dean walked over to Jobeka and gave her a hug.  _ Can’t change how I feel, but she’s far more kind than I deserve. _

_ “ _ See you soon. Thanks for the juice,” Dean tried convey his thanks for the chat as well in his tone. She seemed to understand.

They left the cottage, walking down the hill Dean was taken aback by the night sky. Everything was so vivid and immense. He silently took it all in, aware that Cas was monitoring him.  _ Go ahead, maybe one of us will spark a lick of sense and realize this was just a pipe dream. _

Cas exhaled sharply but remained silent. Dean didn’t even say a word when Cas hopped in the driver's seat and sped down the “wrong side of the road” with ease. It was 9:30 when they shuffled into their room, both were fatigued. Yet, what had transpired with the council in combination with Dean’s mental state was too much to sleep on just yet. Cas was hurting too, it still shocked him how much. Dean had kicked his shoes off, sat on the bed, silently waiting for Cas to begin. He sat beside him, their shoulders touching, and placed his left hand in Dean’s right. He was surprised to feel a flinch which Dean quickly tried to hide. It felt like someone cut him. “You needn’t beat yourself up over what happened,” Cas said barely above a whisper.

Dean’s eyes were incredulous as he looked back at Cas. “They freaked out the second they heard my name, which by the way, is a little too coincidental for my taste and you wanna tell me I shouldn’t be upset at their reaction?”

“You’re hurt at their reaction is understandable. However, if you’ll let me explain, I can tell you not only was theirs equally justified, but specifically why. After our discussions, they feel very regrettable about what happened and want very much to meet with you again, which you would be wise to consider.”

“They had me pegged from the second they saw me, and spit my name out like it was acid in their mouths, as they should given what it means to them. I just uh...I don’t know, guess the Mark never really disappears. It’s like a toxic black spot that I’ll never get clean and anyone I touch suffers for it.” Dean tried to untangle his hand, as if the very act of holding the angels’ made it filthy. Cas wouldn’t let him, his grip was like iron.

“What if you could get rid of it? I mean not completely, but lighten this spot, this scarring you hate so much in yourself?”

“Cas I can’t just get rid of it! Nothing will ever erase the things I’ve done, the people I’ve hurt, the souls I tor-....” Dean was on the verge of tears, but took a few seconds to collect himself.

“The scar from Cain is visibly gone, but this damage..whatever it is, I’m broken man. The Mark just physically manifested what’s been inside of me since Hell. There’s no erasing that, not ever!” His voice broke at the end, his body was slightly shaking.

“I need to explain something to you, but before I do it’s imperative you understand my intent. What I need to tell you will not be easy to hear, but necessary in order for you to grasp why the Yugambeh people are so eager to make amends with you. I want to shed light on their behavior and relay an offer which can be of profound benefit to us both,” he placed his right hand on Dean’s cheek, pulling him in so their foreheads were touching, “do you have enough faith in me to listen?”  _ Please, please Dean, say yes. _

Dean gazed into the calming oceans of blue he loved so much, which contained the only power in this world to ever still his inner storms. He searched in them, into Cas, the  _ real _ Cas and found the truth of his intent. He took a deep breath and said in earnest, “I promise to listen to you.”

Castiel was so relieved and proud of Dean. He could feel  _ exactly _ how painful this was for him, and he knew he was about to make it worse so that hopefully, Dean could choose to let it get better.

“Take your clothes off,” Cas gently ordered.

_ Wut? _ “Why?”

“Well, you can keep your underwear on if you like, I want you comfortable first of all.”

“And?”

“And if you’re naked, or nearly naked, it will be significantly more difficult for you to flee my presence when your usual coping mechanisms kick in, prompting you to leave.”

_ Damn. He knows me far too well, touché buddy. _

_ “ _ Fine. But not unless you strip too. If I gotta sit here for the world's crappiest Kumbaya session, from  _ you _ of all people, then at least give me some good scenery to check out.”

Cas’s ears flared pink.  _ He thinks I’m good scenery? This makes me very happy. “ _ That’s a fair request.”

They both stripped down to boxer briefs. If it weren’t for the serious talk they were about to have, Dean might have made a crack about Cas’s angelic ass blinding him with the Day-Glo orange underwear. He thought better of it, opting instead to silently admire the amazing vessel holding the creature that had long ago stolen his heart.  _ Ugh, breaking my heart here Cas. You are so perfect. If I make it through this, then I can’t promise this bed will. _

Cas let Dean sit on the bed comfortably, then sat directly across from him and took his hand in a grounding, supportive gesture.  _ Where to begin? _

_ “ _ Did Jobeka tell you what Jimme is in the dialect?”

“No, we ended up talking about some other stuff.”

“Jimme is Yugambeh for feather, or  _ one with flight. _ You’re not the only one they pegged right away. Given my position with my brethren, it was alarming to hear the word. You’ve no idea how sad it made me tonight when I realized that hearing someone identify my species, my supposed  _ family,  _ worried me rather than feeling joyful surprise at a human knowing  _ me. _ ”

“But how did they know? Humans can’t see your true form.”

“This is mostly true, but I believe I also said that certain special people can spy my true visage. The Yugambeh people, mainly shamans and elders, can see something. Not exactly my true form but close. They also knew what I was because they can hear angel radio.”

Dean's eyes widened, “Do they talk to the angels? Do the angels know these people can hear them? Have they told them we’re here? Are we safe? I’ve gotta call Sam!”

“Dean, Dean it's alright. We’re safe. They don’t talk to the angels, only listen. Only a handful of angels have ever visited them and they are, were good. Two were killed thousands of years ago. The rest are quiet, not wanting to involve the Yugambeh nation in anything unnecessarily, they have had no contact with them for hundreds of years.”

“Ok, and they’re cool with you being here?”

“More than ok. They’re fascinated really. My less than full ‘mojo’ as you like to call it, is of particular interest. But we can get to that later if you like. There’s a bit of a history lesson here, I’ll be as brief as possible since it’s not your preferred subject. The Aboriginal People are arguably the oldest civilization on earth. The english word ‘original’ comes from the name Aborigine. Your scientists have determined their complex culture has been around 40,000-60,000 years. For once, this is fairly accurate. Over time they developed an incredibly advanced spiritual belief system. They practiced the Dadirri, it means ‘deep listening’. In modern parlance it’s referred to as Dreamtime, though it's the very opposite of the unconscious state. Dreaming in fact, when engaged in correctly connects a person to their higher self, their soul. By making this connection they have been able to peel back some of the layers in the veil separating the natural from the supernatural. When their spirituality evolved, so did their hunting skills.”

“Making them far more effective monster killers, so to speak. Heightened spidey- senses and all that?”

“That’s one way to look at it I suppose.They strongly value this connection as it’s led to the ability to protect themselves against evil things. But it’s also allowed for contact with benevolent things too, like angels. They never speak with them, only listen and learn about things they’d normally never be aware of without the Dadirri. In times of great need, they have reached out to angels in some form of prayer, but they have reserved this for only the most dire circumstances. Part of their belief system involves community, and the care of it. Their faith in the balance of the veil requires deeds of generosity, kindness, love, and support. This belief is independent of what they comprehend happens in their afterlife. Care and aid of others is intrinsic to them, and are not carried out in pursuit of a favorable place in heaven, but because it is simply right. Humanity is family, they must treat all of it as such. Which is why they feel terrible about their reaction to you tonight. They were not reacting so much to your name as they were to what they saw within you. The meaning of your name is merely an unfortunate coincidence.”

Deans worry of where this was headed began to flare. “ _ What _ did they see within me, exactly?”  _ I really don’t like where this is going. Next he’s gonna tell me I’ll be having an alien hatching out of my chest in the next 24 hours. _

“The Dadirri not only allows them to identify celestial beings such as myself, but to perceive human souls as well. Just as they cannot fully see my true form, they cannot see the complete extent to which your soul is damaged. Yet they saw enough, and it worried them greatly. They couldn’t understand how you...it, could still function with the trauma that’s been sustained. They’ve encountered demons, so between what happened before I could get to you in Hell, the Mark of Cain, and all that you’ve experienced in general, they weren’t able to ascertain how human you are. Then they heard your name and assumptions were made.”

Cas could feel Dean's emotions rising up again, and sure enough he felt as if someone had opened his chest with a filleting knife. Thank goodness he’d made Dean strip, otherwise he doubted he could run after him in this much pain. It appeared his hunter was frozen, and Cas could see how pale he was becoming. He reached to Dean’s face with both hands, holding it, staring into the forests of green.

“When I pulled you out of the pit I couldn’t believe your soul still existed. I used all the grace I could spare to bring it-you, back from the edge of nothingness, disintegration. It took far more than one try, but I did the best I could and have been so proud of what you’ve managed to accomplish. So don’t you  _ DARE _ start spiraling on me again. I can feel it, right now. Your loss, your pain, guilt, and grief, your  _ self hatred.  _ It hurts me Dean, you are so hard on yourself always, even in your dreams you absolutely hate yourself and you’ve no idea of the pain it causes me!”

“Cas spare me this crap about you hurting! I’m sure this is no picnic for you because God knows, I know you care. But you haven't done the things I’ve done, and tonight confirms everything I’ve felt deep down. That my soul is twisted and sick with a dark poison I can never get out of my system. I thought...if I tried hard enough, saved enough people it might somehow restore balance somewhere. Not for me, but for every person whom I’ve killed, who died on my watch, or suffered because I dreamt of having something normal and good! There’s no salvation for me, if these strangers can see clearly enough to react the way they did then how the fuck can _you_ even stand to be this close to me!” Dean shoved Cas’s hands away, completely sickened with himself.

“Because I love you! I can see the poison, the twisted darkness, the struggle you have every second of everyday to not wallow in sorrow and waste away in a haze of women and alcohol. You want to, I know you do!” Dean's eyes snapped up in reaction to Cas’s words. “Yes, I know when you’re...with someone, Dean. I can feel it, it’s not on purpose and I’d give  _ anything _ not to be aware of it..” Cas nearly choked, and then closed his eyes and shook it off as best he could to move on, “but you also want happiness for others, I see how you  _ always  _ put Sam’s needs before your own, if Jody and her girls need anything you drop everything and run on a moment's notice. I see how hurt you are that the relationship with your mother is not as you’d hoped, yet the second she calls you’re the supportive son stuffing down your own feelings just to make peace. When in the  _ Hell _ are you ever going to allow yourself to want something for  _ YOU?  _

When you made that deal for Sam, where was Chuck? Did he step in to say this isn’t just? People make deals for money, fame, and power. In what universe is it ok to allow a contract to close on a soul who traded himself for love? You never should have been down there, I don’t care if it was part of some prophecy, it doesn’t matter now either because that situation went to Hell in a handbasket too! You were never supposed to be dragged down there and tortured. I don’t blame for you for caving! Your soul reacted on survival instinct once it had been torn to the point of almost disappearing, you had no choice! Most of you had no control anymore. But the part that did fought it every day for decades while  _ I  _ fought to find _ you. _ Life happens, mistakes happen Dean. You think I’ve haven’t failed, done unspeakable things to my own kind? At least you have knowledge that the people you couldn’t save are in heaven. I sent thousands of my brothers and sisters into the void. I carry guilt you can’t even begin to comprehend. But here I am right now fighting for what I want, for my happiness!”

Cas pulled Dean in and kissed him with all the love and passion he could spare from his grace, letting it pour into him. He could feel Dean resisting, refusing to give in to the need that was violently tearing through his body and soul.  _ How can he be so self destructive? I won’t let him do this to himself!  _ Cas stilled and put his hand on Dean's chest over his heart, willing him to calm and listen. He thought he heard the quietest of revelations, from the soul he’d claimed before he really even knew him.  _ Home. _

“Stop fighting Dean. Stop thinking. Let go of this hate, let go of your control if you need to, give it to me. Trust me with it,” Cas issued.

_ I can’t. Can’t do this, can’t fight anymore. I hate myself so much but I’ve never wanted anyone like I want him. How do I stop this! It hurts so much! What do I do?! _

Cas could feel the war in him, a fight was good. Meant something was still worth fighting for.  _ How to direct it though? _

_ “ _ Let go. Relinquish your control, give me your heart. With me it will be  _ home.” _

With those words, the last of the fight drained right out of him. Cas could feel it bleeding on him in waves. He held Dean’s face and kissed him again showing him with every brush of his lips, every delicate slide of his tongue that he was cherished, revered, cared for. He trailed his hands down Dean's shoulders, trying to caress away the self imposed burden of Atlas, tonight Cas decided he’d take the weight of his human's world away and replace it with the warmth of his own body. He pulled them down on the fluffy bed and kissed along his jawline, biting gently and ran his fingers through Dean's hair. Noting little sighs, he kissed down his neck and collarbone. Cas let his palm ghost all the way down Dean's ribs and past his hip, grabbing the underside of his thigh. In one swift move the two were pressed together in a more delicious way than either of them thought possible. Cas slid his hand down the muscular thigh he had wrapped around his waist and squeezed the phenomenal ass properly.

Dean’s hip jolted forward in reaction, rubbing his hard cock against Cas’s own length and damn if that didn’t send his head swimming. Dean’s hands were suddenly everywhere all at once, in his angels hair, over his face, his ass. The pressure when their hips thrust together was like rhythmic shockwaves of pleasure. They were a fury of lips, tongue, moans, grunts and gasps. It sounded erotic as hell, which only served in making them even more frantic as arms and legs tangled every which way, all working towards putting as much skin in contact as possible. Deans heart was racing, he needed more, needed to feel his angels skin against him. Cas’s hands seemed in love with Deans ass, they palmed and kneaded generously in an effort to pull him impossibly closer. Deans own hands flew south, hooking on the elastic band of Cas’s underwear, in an attempt to pull them down. But the humidity, even with the rooms air conditioning on full blast, had them both sweating and therefore the material didn’t want to cooperate.

“Off…. _ NOW Goddammit ”  _ Dean mumbled in between kisses. Fuck eloquence. Dean wanted Cas’s dick rubbing against his own and he wanted it to happen yesterday. His angel seemed to share the sentiment as he practically tore the orange underwear off himself, but what really captivated Dean was watching as Cas then used the elastic to send it sailing in an arc across the room.  _ Holy shit, now that really is a beautiful sunset! Ok, I could get used to the orange...  _ but that thought didn’t fully finish because suddenly Cas had his undivided attention as he felt the angel already yanking  _ his _ underwear off. He gave his human a brief look as if asking, “still doing alright?” He took in all of Cas for a moment,  _ he’s so beautiful it hurts. “Hell  _ yes” Dean barely got out.

In the blink of an eye Cas was back on top of him, resuming the achingly good rhythm that had been so rudely interrupted by underwear.  _ Who invented such a cursed article anyways? Never again. I prefer to wear Dean from now on.  _ Cas didn’t think his hunter would protest, seeing as he was grabbing at everything he could to keep them pressed together. They weren’t going to last long, this craving for each other that they both spent nearly a decade denying themselves was too intense. In fact, Dean had begun to feel a tightness in his chest, not uncomfortable this time, more like a stronger pulsing that mimicked his own heartbeat. But it had a lightness to it as well, it felt like a swirling mist in a bottle, if the bottle were his rib cage.

Cas laced his fingers with Deans, placed them above his head, and gazed into his favorite endless green forest as the muscles in his abdomen began to cinch and curl. His breathing pattern switched to quick and erratic, his ocean blue eyes were shifting to sapphire and Dean noticed they were beginning to softly glow.

“Dean..I..ca-..I can’t…”

“It’s ok Cas, don’t stop,”  _ please no! Anything but that! This feels amazing. _

_“_ Look at me Cas, just ahh..cum, Castiel it’s alright, I’m right here...it..ah, ahmmm, I’m cumming too.” Dean’s words brought Cas’s eyes back to his own and it simultaneously ended in fireworks for them both. Dean knew he’d never forget the image of Cas losing himself completely over him, and with him _._ _This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt in my whole life. I’ll never want this with anyone else but him._

There was no need for words. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, because they were completely stunned into silence for a good ten minutes, catching their breath. They lay there in the dark, bulbs having burst, car alarms were going off, and they distinctly heard the white noise of a radio or tv that had managed to turn itself on. Finally, Cas was able to raise his head to see if the windows were still intact and to his dismay, they were, although certainly cracked in some areas.

Sometime later Cas found one of their bath towels and cleaned himself along with an unconscious Dean. Looking at him lying on the bed, the moonlight pouring in revealed the exquisite vision that was this human. His body was an amazing specimen of the male gender, but what Cas found perfection in were all of Dean's  _ imperfections.  _ This man had been through so much and had all the scars to prove it. Cas was going to show Dean how perfect he found him. Not tonight, maybe not in the morning. But soon, he would kiss every scar Dean had to prove he loved his efforts, his intentions, his wins and losses, his joy, his pain, his faith, his heart, and yes...especially his soul. After all, that’s  _ who _ Cas fell in love with at first sight. But those scars were not kissed away so easily. He hoped in the morning Dean would let him explain the elders offer, hoped Dean would consider its long term benefits. Most of all he hoped to help Dean rekindle the faith he formerly had in himself, because ultimately that would be the only thing strong enough to heal him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yugambeh Translations  
> Castiel: Neule guayahjil. Neule iba unyah dulgo, ngaio bujera neulongi/Please, he belongs to me. He has my heart. I love him.  
> ________________________________
> 
> Jobeka: Wumgin!/Come!  
> Jobeka: Castiel, nyanha. Munga bullang konara djuya neulongi. Nga bugoram gumera./Castiel careful. There’s a strong war inside him. Also, wonderful love.  
> Castiel: Yau, ngaio munai neeryeeng. Ngaio durungul neulongi barang./Yes, I feel both. I’ll calm him now.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas awoke to the warmth of Dean's arm wrapped around him, his hand splayed across his chest and soft kisses down his back along his shoulder blades. It sent chills down his spine, and when he shivered he felt wet kisses move up to his neck and a smiling whisper in his ear of, “Mornin’ Sunshine”. He inwardly grinned remembering the night before and rolled over to face his favorite human. Deans smile reached his eyes and it melted Cas’s heart to see that he was responsible for that light shining back at him. The morning sun was just barely beginning to come through, he thought they’d have slept for longer but he knew time differences would upset their schedule. Judging by the playfulness in Dean's face as he rolled on top of Cas, and the oh-so-pleasant nudging at his hip, they wouldn’t be going back to sleep anytime soon. He didn’t mind in the least, and found Deans kisses that were traveling south down on his chest to his stomach to be very, very nice. He wasn’t sure what kind of happy ending this gorgeous man was aiming for and goodness knows he did  _ not _ want to stop. Yet he knew they needed a shower, and well, why couldn’t they have fun in there too? “Hmmm, I want you Dean” he purred as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

Dean had been busy letting his lips get acquainted with the soft skin around Cas’s belly button and hip bones. His head popped up and he turned his head south for a moment, then back up to Cas’s wide blue eyes. A wolfy grin spread across his face as his kisses turned northerly again, Well good..cuz..ya know I’d...be..a little...hurt if that morning...salute.. _ wasn’t _ for..me”. He dove into a deep lazy kiss with his angel.  _ Please Chuck, I can face anything if you just let me wake up to this every morning. _

_ “ _ Let me rephrase for you Dean”, Cas said in a low and breathless voice, “ I want you very much. In the shower.  _ Now.”   _

_ Oh the possibilities. It’s high time I taught him an appreciation for the favorable outcomes of a good soak. But first let’s test the limits, shall we? _

“And what if I resist?”

As soon as the words flew out of his mouth he found himself swept up off the bed, legs wrapped around this Iron Man of an angel, and shoved into the shower wall with ice cold water pouring down his side. He tried to move but Cas had his wrists crossed and pinned behind his back.  _ Fuck-Damn-Shit! This is really not what I had in mind. Gaaah it’s freezing!  _ All he could do was turn his head away from the ice water and hope Cas let him go soon.

“That would be a shame if you resisted, but I’ll still have my way,” Cas rumbled deep in a voice that had Dean nearly dropping to his knees again, if he weren’t already tightly pinned. Cas stood back as far as he could from Dean, admiring the view without forfeiting his hold. The cold spray didn’t really bother him as it did humans, he could still maintain his body temperature so long as his grace wasn’t running on low batteries. But he could see Dean's legs shivering, even as he felt an infinitesimal increase in water temperature. Taking pity on him he plastered his own body against Dean's backside, snaked his right arm around him, and gently nipped at his shoulder until he felt him relax.

When the water became reasonably warm, he kissed the back of Dean’s neck and pulled him under, giving him all the cozy relief. He found the shampoo and scrubbed his hair, as Dean hugged himself...playing up the chills. Cas turned him around, washed his back-taking longer than necessary with those mesmerizing butt cheeks, and enjoyed watching the suds slide down so much he decided to lean back and watched while Dean took care of the front. He didn’t even try to hide is ever  _ growing _ interest, nor did Dean hide how astonishing it was to know Cas enjoyed him like this.  

_ Note to self, Casanova obviously has a voyeuristic kink...that’ll come in handy, pun intended, heh heh. _

When Dean was finished, he offered the soap to Cas who reached out to take it but was pulled in for a long, deep kiss instead. He tempted and teased his angels mouth, showing him what his tongue was capable of. Then spun him around and pulled him in close so his back was flush to his chest. Two could play this game, and he knew Cas loved having his hair played with as much as he loved being the one playing with it. Dean revelled in the sounds that came from Cas as he tugged the suds through the dark locks.  _ If he thinks having his hair washed feels divine..hmm just wait til I get to the other sensitive parts,  _ Dean mused to himself. He began with his shoulders and back, then his thighs, he had to work on steadying his breathing as his hands rubbed and slid over the angels ass.

Cas let his head fall back onto Dean's left shoulder and as he did this he found his neck assaulted with kisses. Soapy hands were rubbing his shoulders and chest, nipples, belly.. _ mmm, Dean was right, showers really are amazing! So much better to take them with someone. _

A purring sound from Cas sent a little jolt right between Dean's legs. The angel clearly felt it and sinfully pressed his backside against Dean, who countered with a slow, gentle thrust forward. Cas tried to turn around to face him but Dean held his hand firmly on his chest. “Nuh-uh, I’m not done yet,” he whispered seductively in his ear and continued his assault along the collarbone. He knew Cas could break him in half if he wanted, his strength was no match against the angels. He was also certain Cas would play along, eager to see where this was headed. Not knowing what he liked, Dean was pretty nervous, but he refused to show it. Cas didn’t exactly know what he was doing with anybody let alone Dean, yet last night he’d put his faith in him without hesitation and both of them had the best orgasm of their lives. So he would show Cas the same faith, and hopefully give him a damn good reason to want more showers with him from now on.

He was still covered in bubblies so he took a deep breath and began slowly washing lower and lower. Mischievously pushing his hips forward, he bumped Cas right into his hand, earning a pleasantly surprised gasp which he then cut off with a passionate kiss. It relaxed him a little, losing himself in Cas’s soft lips and swirling tongue. He moved his hand from base to tip, finding the pressure and pace his angel seemed to like best. It was just as fun learning his tells as it was discovering which techniques drove him wild. Dean found himself falling in love with Cas’s reactions to his touch. He’d melt into a puddle when Cas’s kiss deepened and his body gave a little shiver on the upstroke as his thumb gently rubbed over the tip. He found it adorable when he’d get Cas close, then slow down, and in frustration his angel would push into his hand quicker, harder, making these pouty, needy little sounds. After a while he realized his apprehension was groundless with Cas, because the guy simply had zero hang ups and loved learning what he liked as much as Dean did. Which ended up being a huge turn on for Dean who was becoming euphoric with the feeling of Cas’s smooth tongue in his mouth and firm cock in his hand. His own breathing had become ragged and he was only vaguely aware of pressing his own need in between the plush cheeks of a certain, near gone celestial sighing his name.

“Dean..”

“Xhdxjgkfdnhmmm?”

“Dean stop,” Cas pleaded, equally out of breath.

_????  _ ”Why? Am I hurting you?”  _ Dammit, what if I misread him and I’m total crap at this? Oh great how embarrassing...  _  Dean panicked and his heart sunk all at once.

Cas turned to face him, “No.”

Still confused, he tried to smooth things over by offering something else, “ Uh..well I guess if you don’t like that we could tr-ooooooh” but his words were interrupted by Cas taking both of them in his hand, and rather skillfully, by the feel of it.  _ How on earth did he lear-nevermind, for the love of Chuck shut the fuck up and enjoy this! Oh yuuuummm. _

Cas pulled his face down til their foreheads touched. As he continued rubbing and stroking them together he explained, “I love how you were making me feel. My apologies now, if I pester you too much for it again, since you showed me how incredible it feels. But I want you to feel good too,  _ with _ me.”

_ Well aren’t you just so thoughtful. “ _ Hmmm, I’m not in..mm.. a position to..argue..with that..logic,” Dean grunted out.  _ He is sinfully good at this, and look at his hand...did he always have such great looking hands? Ugh, he’s gonna make me a sex addict, I just know it. It’s gonna be AWESOME.  _ He half laughed, half growled at the thought.

“Tell me what you want Dean,” Cas pleaded, touching his face and kissing him.

_ This is already feeling freakin’ awesome, umm…. _

He took Cas’s free hand, kissed his palm, and carefully placed his hand around his balls. He kept his own hand covering Cas’s, showing him how to gently rub and squeeze the way he liked. The study was quick, the learner caught on fast. Dean was so weak in the knees he had to brace himself against shower walls. Neither of them were in a mood to prolong any further. Dean felt the pulsing in his chest flare up, it wouldn’t be long now.  _ What the hell is this anyway? Never felt it before…. _ he noticed it started up last night when Cas’s eyes did that gorgeous glowing thing. The angels breathing was uneven, and again he made these moaning sounds that damn near made Dean blush. Thankfully they weren’t loud, just hot as fuck.

“Cas, that feels so amazing.  _ You’re  _ amazing,” Dean gasped. Cas looked up into his eyes and sure enough they were the palest blue Dean had ever seen them and they had a faint pulsing glow. It didn’t hurt Dean to watch them, it wasn’t the smiting look, it was like the strange thing that he felt in his chest. Different, pleasant, almost as if Dean could feel the love coming from Cas’s true self and it was somehow connected to the squeezing, swirling in his chest. It made the whole experience infinitely more intense than anything he’d ever felt before. He wanted to hold it forever, between them.

The pressure was building, the bathroom lights were flickering, and Dean was vaguely aware of glass falling on the bathroom counter as he and Cas came at the same time yet again. He momentarily wondered if Cas knew how uncommon that was.  _ Well, for sure he’s gotta know orgasms aren’t the typical catalyst for scientifically verified seismological events. But the simultaneous orgasms...is it an angel thing? _

He stopped caring for the moment and just kissed this guy he was so happy with and felt himself become even happier when this guy kissed him right back like he was the whole world.

“Congratulations Dean.”

“On what?” he laughed.

“You’ve  _ single handedly  _ managed to convince me of the merits to showering with you,” Cas smirked at him, hoping he’d get his attempt at humor. He saw that trademark goofy smile spread across his face.

Dean giggled, and really was so proud of him. “Oh that’s not the only merit, but one I can promise you every day if you’ll let me,” he replied with a wink and a smile. He held his angel in peaceful silence for a few more minutes until the water began to cool, then they both rinsed, dried off, and raced to the bed like a pair of damn twelve year olds. Neither would be going back to sleep, and they were both physically sated for the time being. Yet they were still craving each other, intensely. The room was warm enough they didn’t need clothes or covers, so they just sat in each others laps criss crossing their legs behind the other, lazily kissing and snuggling for a little while. Neither could remember a time when their souls felt such peace. Cas held Dean and they were blissfully content feeling their hearts beat in sync.

Dean’s curiosity at the windows appearance and the shattered mirror in the bathroom got the better of him though.

“Is fooling around with an angel always this destructive?”

Cas’s cheeks were suddenly bright pink. “It won’t always be like that. The powerful sensations and emotions are tremendously difficult to control. It requires much concentration on my part, but focusing on anything more than you and I will take practice. Once I become more experienced, it’ll calm down,” Cas explained sheepishly.

_ Well hot damn, be still my horny little heart.  _ Dean tried to stifle a laugh and bit his lip in attempt not to smile.

“What?”

“Consider me at your service. Feel free to use and abuse me as often as is required,” Dean snickered, and raised his hand in oath, “On behalf of windows, mirrors, and light bulbs everywhere, I pledge myself to you in your times of need.” And then the uncontrollable laughter took over him.

Cas’s whole face went from pink to fire engine red, “I  _ will  _ hold you to that, you have been warned. Now shut up and kiss me you idiot.” Dean joyfully did as he was told.

A few minutes later, after coming up for air Dean felt a twinge of responsibility to disclose something to his angel. “Hey, I know that you can heal yourself and me too if you sensed something, and this is a little late but it’s still important for me to say this. I get myself tested every six months since I tended to get sex ‘on the go’. Always get negative results, but I wanted to tell you anyways.”

“I appreciate that, but you’re right in that I could sense if you had picked up something. Thank you, regardless.”

Dean was curious again. “So Cas, I gotta ask...you don’t have to answer if it's weird but, on the subject of experience-between last night and in the shower you seem, kinda..not completely inexperienced with guys...what’s the deal?” Dean didn’t think he’d been with another guy, it hurt to consider but he had no room to fuss, and the guys sass and technique were so on point, he wondered how.

“I haven’t ever been with anyone besides, you know. I’ve done some research though…”

_ Mmmkaaay.  _ Dean looked at him expectantly.

“Sam showed me your pornography collection,” he said as if he’d just merely recited the Pledge of Allegiance.

“He did what?! But how? I had Charlie encrypt the whole collection ages ago! How did-  _ Why _ did he show you my porn stash?” _ I’m gonna kill that assface. “ _ Besides, I don’t have any gay porn in my collection,” Dean stated with a smug expression.

“You do in something called a hysterical browser. Were you looking for historical or hysterical articles about homosexual pornography?”

“One- it’s  _ Browser history _ . Two-why were you and Sam rifling through my porn? And three- how in the hell did you even get on the subject with Sam of all people anyway?!”

“I was watching a Netflix documentary on humans and sexual development a few months ago. It covered various mating rituals, in different cultures. You were out on a supply run so I asked Sam how someone finds out what their potential mate is interested in, sexually.”

Dean grinned, wishing he could’ve been a fly on the wall watching Sam awkwardly trying to explain. But then he wondered why Cas didn’t wait til he got home to ask.

“And what did he say?” Dean really wanted to know.

“He said to really listen when this person of interest speaks, try to understand their personality, their likes and dislikes. If anything sexual comes up in conversation, catalogue anything you can of what they say. Or if they have any pornography to secretly look at, it would be very insightful.”

“And?”

“And then he asked if I was wanting to impress a woman or man. When I couldn’t really answer him, he got a strange look on his face and said he was certain you had some varied and dualistic...tastes, and it might help to see what you like, just strictly as a reference of course.”

_ Oh goddammit Sammy, how in the hell would that even occur to you? _

“I asked if it would be considered a severe breach in privacy. He said only if I was the one doing the breaching, for him it’s just brotherly duty to remind you how often you underestimate his skills regarding device security.”

Dean put his head down and shook it. He was gonna kill Sammy if he didn’t get himself ganked first on some fool's errand with the Brits.  _ Was there nothing sacred anymore? _

_ “ _ Wait, so how did you get into my browser history if Sam hacked my library?”

“I quickly discovered your library had little to offer in what I would find anatomically possible or appealing. So I asked Sam how to look for some of your more recent inquiries. He seemed unphased by what we uncovered, if that’s of any concern to you.”

“Well, we’re gonna have to have the talk when I get home anyhow, tell him I’m your ‘girlfriend’ so it’s a moot point,” Dean said then kissed him before he could get snarky.

“But..why didn’t you think about asking me instead of Sam?” Dean sounded just a little disappointed a moment later.

“Probably for the same reason you didn’t talk with Sam about the stuff in your browser history.”

“Fair enough.”

“It’s ok you know, to have an attraction to both men and women. It’s strange and sad to me that so many people misunderstand this. God, well Chuck, built you to feel so much, to love so much. It was,  _ is  _ his intention for humanity to evolve and grow through powerful experiences, which includes meaningful sex with whomever a soul is drawn to regardless of physical gender. Mutual attraction and love is all that is ever needed for a soul to shine. Why do you think the rainbow has several colors? It doesn’t only serve to remind Chuck of his promise to humanity, it’s not a one way covenant. It’s also meant to remind you to love each other passionately, in every color and form it happens to take for each soul. Each color, soul, and experience is no greater than another, all are precious to Him.”

“I know I’ve been pushing it away for years. Honestly I’ve no clue what I am, had a few celebrity crushes but never questioned it until I met you. Life I guess just gave me a certain view of how things are, or how I should think they are and it’s been rough trying to sort this out.”

“Sometimes I feel it could have been easier for you if I had taken another female vessel,” Cas said quietly.

“Don’t say that,  _ ever.  _ Believe me when I say that it doesn’t matter which vessel you’re in. I want  _ you _ , my soul is drawn to the real  _ you.  _ So if I’m supposed to grow, and gender is irrelevant, then my lesson is to rewire how  _ I _ think, and be ok with wanting you in this body. Pretty sure I’ve grown a bit in the last few days, because as messed up as my soul is, it’s never been happier.” He placed Cas’s hand over his heart and kissed him slowly and sweetly. Cas felt Dean's heartbeat flutter, mirroring his own. He adored how in sync they were at times. Which is why he hated to spoil the mood, but it was for their future that he did.

“On the subject of your soul, we need to speak about the offer I mentioned last night.“ He braced himself for the onslaught of emotions from Dean. They came, in sharp slices, rather than a large mudslide. He flinched and Dean noticed.

“You alright? What was that about?”

“I think the a/c kicked on, just a chill. I’m sorry to bring it up to you right now, but I think you should listen to me and to them.”

Dean breathed deeply, trying to calm what was bubbling beneath the surface. He reminded himself of the promise he made to Cas last night, to listen. He looked at Cas and nodded, a silent gesture reassuring that he would honor his promise.

“Do you remember the word I described last night, the Dadirri?”

“Yeah, it’s dreaming or deep listening?”

“It’s a way to connect with your higher self, by doing so you can unlock an enormous amount of potential for spiritual growth, and healing as well. The tribe feels strongly your soul is not beyond repair, or rehabilitation in your case. They would very much like to help you heal, and are extending the offer of teaching you to use the Dadirri in this endeavor if you are willing to learn.”

Dean was quiet with thought for a little while. Cas patiently let him process, he knew this would not be an easy undertaking.

“What does it involve?” Dean wondered.

“Meditation techniques mostly.”

“Mediation? Really? Shoot! Ya know, I think I forgot my patchouli oil and birkenstocks back home.”

“This is not something to make light of Dean! You’ve fought Lucifer, were dragged to Hell, then rescued by an angel, met God and fought his sister. You meet a tribe of people who not only recognize angels but listen to them, they have seen straight into your soul and want to help, but  _ now _ you choose to have skepticism? Your train of thought carries zero validity.”

This brought Dean up short. Cas  _ never _ gets snippy with him.

“They see close to what I see, it’s evident how severely you suffer even though you attempt to hide it. Eventually traumas of a spiritual nature manifest in the form of physical ailments. If you are very sick or injured, logic dictates you seek help from a medical doctor or run the risk of dying from lack of treatment. Why would your soul be any different in its need for care and maintenance? This rings true for any creature with a soul and is applicable to the average person. You have not led an average life, therefore the trauma or damage to your soul is so much worse. Dean, imagine someone with 3rd degree burns over 80 percent of their body, they’ve also been put through a meat grinder, soaked in acid, and all this happened after they’d been hit by a bus. Would you expect they could brush it off and push through the rest of their day?”

“Well, no of course n-”

“This is what your soul has been struggling to do though, and it’s surely by some divine intervention your body hasn’t already displayed more symptoms and succumbed to the grievous state you walk around in. But believe me when I say your time is running out. Your soul is in such a state that you could go from a heart attack, a stroke, aneurysm...any number of sudden events. You’ve lived your life with the assumption it would end in traditional hunter fashion, ‘ganked’ on a hunt by a monster. When in reality the enemy resides inside you. I’m scared for you Dean. I know you suffer when I’m away, I feel it. I can feel it when I’m close as well. Eternity doesn’t hold an ounce of interest for me if you don’t have a full life. You may not live long in your line of work, but you can choose to live a complete life, with some real happiness if you have the courage to try. I don’t want to lose this, ever” Cas whispered emotionally. He kissed Dean and held him like a was the most delicate, precious creature in the universe..because to him he was.

“Please promise me you will think about this.”

Seeing how fiercely Cas felt about it, and feeling the truth in his words about dying at any moment...the threat of losing what they just started was too awful to think about.

“Alright Cas, I’ll try” he said, conflicted.

Cas felt a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. No matter what happened between them in the future, all Cas ever wanted was Dean’s health and happiness, Sam too. This was a step in the right direction. He was content with that answer and felt Dean’s destructive emotions flicker. They hadn’t diminished in the slightest, but a spark of hope was now there too. So Cas did his best to temporarily kiss away all but the good thoughts, he let Dean crawl on top of him and press his warm and very naked body against his own. Dean’s hands were running through his hair again as he kissed his angel fiercely, and for a few moments it seemed as if they would be getting more of that spectacular practice Dean had so kindly volunteered for but his stomach grumbled very loudly.

“Dean, I think it's time we get you some food. Anymore ‘practice’ without caloric replacement and I’ll have to carry you to a restaurant.”

It was Dean's turn to make the adorably pouty, needy sounds. But he knew Cas was right, and if they were meeting the tribe later and possibly hunting, he would need his strength. They both quite reluctantly untangled themselves and stared at each other with eyes full of hungry promises for later.

Dean threw on a navy t-shirt and tan cargo shorts, inwardly laughing & reminding himself he once told a girl he didn’t do shorts. Then he eye-rolled at having to put anything on, because covering up their lower halves was just no fun. Cas threw on a pair of grey sport shorts and of course a blinding orange shirt. Dean wanted to tease, but fondly remembered the Day-Glo orange underwear sunset of the previous night and decided to let it rest. The shirt did happen to reveal a beautifully tanned gun show and the mesh shorts made Cas’s butt look incredible.  _ How in the hell am I gonna push through a whole day without putting hands on him? His ass just looks so..grabbable.  _ STAHP. NOW.

“Dean….”

He hadn’t realized Cas was talking to him, holding the motel room door open. “Uh, my eyes are up here Dean,” he said with a little pink in his cheeks.

“Yyyyep, and they can stay there cuz I ain’t looking at them,” Dean smirked.

Cas closed the door and laid back against it for a moment. His eyes went dark, that eyebrow went up, and his commanding voice was quiet, yet it hit Dean like a blast of audible pheromones. “Can you behave yourself in front of others? Or must I resort to creative torture and punishment?”

_ Oh shit.  _ And there it was, that crushing urge to comply... _ where exactly is it coming from?  _ He felt his body involuntarily tense, as if it were replying, “ _ My attention Sir...you fucking have it.”  _ _ Aaaand now a raging boner too, friggin’ great. I think this is torture enough for right now.  _ Dean sighed, “Well let’s see how  _ you _ manage today Mother Teresa”.

Cas stalked over to him, grabbed between his legs, applying just the right amount of pressure to make Dean’s head swim pleasantly. He thought Cas was going to kiss him but he stopped just short of his mouth and seductively said, “You make it through today without incident or skepticism, then I swear when I’m through with you tonight a Saint is the last thing you’ll be comparing me with, Capiche?”

_ Jeezus fucking Christ. “ _ Mmhmm” was the only response he could muster.

As they left the room to head out for breakfast Dean and Cas saw the little boy outside his room, his mother sat on their little patio reading the newspaper and he was was fiddling with a Rubik's cube. He suddenly looked up and waved to Dean. He drew his thumb together with his fingertips and pointed them towards his mouth. Dean surmised he was asking if they were getting food, so nodded at him, smiling. The little boy gave him a thumbs up and resumed his cube puzzle.

“A friend of yours?” Cas curiously asked, left side of his mouth upturned.

“Guess so. Friendly little guy,” Dean warmly replied.

They pulled in to Curtis Falls Cafe, a local favorite Jobeka had highly recommended just minutes down the road from the motel. It reminded Cas of what humans in the US called a strip mall, with a tropical background complete with palm trees. It was a quaint little joint next to an ice creamery and lollipop shop, the perfect roadside trap for tourists. There was an inviting looking covered patio with large plants that begged you to sit down, pull up a chair, and have a mango ice tea. Inside was quite spacious and jovial. Many black wrought iron tables and chairs polka dotted the eatery, as well as tables with comfy rattan furniture. The door frames had light filigree in the corners, in a nod to turn of the 19th century architecture. The building had a large panoramic sliding glass door that led on to the patio which boasted a stunning view of Curtis Falls. Cas felt good there, lighter somehow. He chose a table facing the falls, in hopes it would be soothing to Dean.

“Good morning to you both!” a semi familiar voice welcomed.

“Oh hey Shasta, we didn’t know you worked here. It’s a nice little spot, heck of a view,” Dean stated.

“Not as great as Alison's, but I could certainly do worse. Been here almost 7 years now and I’m nowhere near tired of it,” she chimed, “anything in particular you guys are in the mood for this morning or do you need menus?”

“I’m  _ starving _ , do you guys have a combo plate of stuff?” Dean asked.

“If you’re the greasy spoon type then the traditional Aussie breakfast plate should hit the spot. Lots of protein.”

_ Protein sounds like meat, meat sounds good.  _ “I’ll take it.”

“And you Castiel?”

“Two coffees and do you have desserts?”

“Absolutely, just pulled out a batch of chocolate crossed buns. We also have cupcakes, fudge brownies, lemon bars, and cakes.”

“Any pies?” Dean wondered.

“Not the American sort, no. But we do have small shepard and mince pies.” She noted the tiny look of disappointment in his eyes.

“I’ll have a crossed bun please,” Cas said.

“Alright, I’ll be back with your coffees in a minute,” she smiled and scooted off.

Dean was gazing out the window at the falls with a serene expression. Cas felt a tremendous relief for him in these times. He wasn’t sure if even Sam realized how few waking moments Atlas was distracted enough to forget the weight upon his shoulders. Shasta came by with the coffee, but left them to their silent reveries. The view reminded Cas of their bargain with Rowena, and left him wondering if this is where they needed to obtain those rocks. He wandered over to a wall of tourist pamphlets and looked for a park map. Some of the other places in Queensland looked quite adventurous and beautiful. The Gold Coast was of particular interest, Cas always did have a fondness for the ocean and used to visit the Pacific Northwest region of North America often. He once observed a small group of shifters who populated the area at one time, a benevolent and protective sort. Last time he saw them was when he’d taken his female vessel, he was now glad he’d never told Ishim about them.  _ I wonder if Dean might ever want to visit the ocean with me, many humans seem to like beach activities and he needs a vacation more than once every 15 years. _

Shasta was returning with their food, and Dean's eyes lit up as he took in the mountain of ham, sausage, toast, eggs, baked beans, fried tomato and mushrooms. He thanked her and dug right in. Cas quietly sat down, slid the bun over to Dean and examined the park map he’d collected. “Rowena was correct, they weren’t very creative when naming the falls.” He unfolded it completely and pointed to Dean where to look. Just west of Tamborine Mountain, across the Main Western Road was a section still within park boundaries called Witches Chase hiking track which led to...Witches Falls.

“Says here on the back that Witches Falls was officially the first part of the region to be included in the National Park status. It’s really just down the road from here and the motel. We could take a look at night sometime soon, not sure if rock stealing is frowned upon, this may be a World Heritage sight.”

Dean nodded his head in agreement as he was too busy stuffing his face to answer.  _ Mmmm. Waterfalls at night. With Cas. Sounds like the perfect place to get naked and-” _ OW! Whaddya kick me for Cas?!”

Cas’s eyes were disapproving, “I thought we’d talked about this earlier.”

“Abouwt wmat?” Dean managed to mumble with only a small piece of ham escaping the corner of his mouth.

Cas continued to give him the  _ you-know-exactly-what  _ look.

???? _ Huh. Oh. “ _ I wasn’t exactly praying for that, just thinking about it. No harm in daydreaming is there?” Now Dean was worrying.

“No, but it was a strong enough longing I got the jist of it. What do you think that does to me? I can’t not react to it. So for both our sakes, I suggest you picture yourself swimming with a polar bear instead.”

Deans face went from incredulous to smug in about .005 seconds. “Now  _ that _ , my friend, is fascinating information,” he grinned with his trademark  _ I think I’m adorable  _ facial expression.

_ Oh good grief what have I just done! “ _ Dean don’t do anyth-”

“Oh what do we have here, a yummy dessert. You gonna finish this?” Dean stuffed as much of the bun in his face as would fit and continued chewing with mischief brewing in his eyes. Cas recognized the subject was finished, until Dean would inevitably decide on the perfect moment to unleash the weapon he’d carelessly just handed over.

“Oh my God, this bun is amazing! It’s so light and sweet!” He continued making little yummy sounds and then Shasta came over to check on them. “Everything alright over here?”

Dean asked, “Shasta, how do they make this stuff? It’s fantastic!”

“Um...trial and error. I’m really glad you like it though,” she shyly responded, her cheeks glowing a light pink.

“Did  _ you  _ make this?” Dean asked.

She dropped her eyes and nodded.

“So this is plant stuff, no meat?” Dean mumbled through another bite.

“Crossed buns don’t have meat, chocolate or otherwise but there aren’t animal products like eggs or dairy in it.”

“Well sweetheart, you’re gonna have to pile this recipe on top of the lasagna one, cuz my brother will love this.”

Cas sighed,  _ Sam indeed. You’re not fooling anyone human! _

_ “ _ Do you want to have your own eatery someday? Cuz really they’re superb,” Dean encouraged while finishing the last bite.

“That’s exactly what I’m saving for. It won’t be as fancy as Veganyumm in Brisbane, but I love the idea of showing people different ways to make their favorite foods.”

“Do you have more here?”

_ Dean’s gonna get heartburn if I don’t stop him. _

_ “ _ Come back tomorrow morning and you’ll find out,” she winked and took their plates.

“I’m leaving her a big tip. She’s got some mad baking skills,” Dean stated. They paid the bill and still had a few minutes before needing to leave for their meeting. They walked outside around the back for better access to the falls. After trudging and stumbling over some of the bigger rocks leading onto the pool they both stood on a large, flat rock, they could feel the cool spray from the falls and hear the rumble from the water below. They sat down for a few minutes to admire the view, Cas put his hand in Dean’s who immediately placed it over his heart and pulled his knees to his chest as though shielding something precious. Cas looked at Dean, whose eyes seemed to lighten to an even more brilliant shade of green with the tropical backdrop of palm and fig trees behind him. He loved that they didn’t need to fill silence with chatter, they enjoyed stillness. But it had taken so long for them to become  _ this, _ because of their lack of communication.  _ So many years we could’ve had this already. I wish I’d had the courage to say something long ago. He’s going to need much help if he’ll undertake the practice of Dadirri, it’ll get worse, far worse before it gets better. Please trust in me Dean, so that you can recover the faith in yourself. I love you, I love us, so so much. _

They stopped by the motel to grab the weapons bag, although it had to sit on Cas’s lap in the ridiculous excuse for a clown car. Dean was still irritated beyond belief that nothing larger had been returned at the rental company yet. But they loaded up and scooted down the road, with Dean cursing up a storm the whole way, as he struggled to mentally convert the pedal and transmission positions from how he usually drove. Cas finally stated in a tone Dean would not argue with that he would be driving for the duration until something more appropriate became available.

They arrived on time and managed to shoehorn themselves out of the not-too-fuckin’-Smart car. Dean secretly was grateful they had to walk so far to the common area for the meeting, the last thing he wanted after their first impression of him was to witness him birthing out of a goddam fluffy flying insect looking thing on wheels. They decided to leave the bag in the car, covered with a blanket. They parked in the shade so the heat wouldn’t pose a risk of setting off any of their special batches of ammo in the car, although the firework like destruction of the damn thing would be satisfying to watch. They walked the path passed Jobeka’s home, all along the winding way Dean noticed a fair amount of small rodents scurrying around, cats chasing them, and some carcasses as well.  _ At least the cats are earning their keep, still not the kind of gift I’d prefer in my yard or on my doorstep. _

Cas could sense Dean’s nerves flare and his self esteem wavering the closer they walked to the large outdoor common area. He hooked his little finger around Dean's, as he had done to him in the airport. Dean looked at him and gave only a one sided upturned smile which did not reach his eyes, but squeezed Cas’s little finger to thank him for the supporting gesture. “It’s alright, they really are very eager to meet you and help. They  _ will not _ use your given name however, it seems the superstitions run deep. So they will wait to see what name suits you best.”

_ Great, can’t wait to hear what they give me. _

Jobeka rounded a corner, she looked joyful and relieved as she saw them approach. “Jingeri Castiel! Good afternoon Dean!” she smiled and hugged them both. “My heavens Dean, how much better you look. I’m so pleased. Always heartening to witness what rest, love, and food will do to someone in need of it,” she chimed, radiating warmth.

Though he agreed, Dean wasn’t really sure what to say, he smiled back at her and nodded.

“Neulonga duringal ibru jeeunganyee bullonga gumera jajumbora gurai” she said to Cas with sincerity and awe.

“Unyah boogarahm yeenkai-ayler jajumbora neulongi nurrunyen” Cas covered his heart to emphasize the sincerity of his words.

“I’m so glad. They are anxiously awaiting you,” she said as she placed her hand on Dean’s arm, unknowingly grazing his scar, “Dean, please give them the opportunity to explain. They already carry a genuine fondness for you in their hearts after Castiel spoke with them last night. I knew right away you both would teach us something. If you can find it within yourselves, afford them the chance to give you both something in return.” She squeezed both of their hands lovingly and strolled in the direction of her home with purpose and hope.

They walked into the open community area which seemed much larger than the night before. The elders were gathered at one of the stone tables, two of them stood and started towards them. Dean recognized the leader from the night before. Their demeanor was much changed from the previous night. They beheld Cas with jovial reverence, and Dean with warmth and reproach.

“Minyagu. Thank you for meeting with us again, please come sit and let us talk” the leader quietly, but firmly issued. He smiled at them both and gestured at the large table.

Castiel looked at Dean and said, “This is Alden Bilin, leader of the Yugambeh People.”

Alden offered him his hand, Dean shook it with minor reticence. Alden’s handshake was firm, he covered their hands with his left and said, “We are truly sorry for our behavior last night. You are anomalies to us, you and Castiel. But you both are worthy of our respect, and dare I say, admiration. My people have encountered peculiar and dangerous things for many thousands of years. We dream and listen, but we don’t know everything. Our assumptions were premature, inaccurate, and we humbly ask for your forgiveness.”

Dean looked at the council members, they numbered approximately 12-15. He recognized in them the realization he once had, that things are not always black and white. He understood well it was a hard concept to grasp for those raised in the life, and it did not sink in all at once. Yet the foundation for the people was now clearly set, he and Cas were here to help. Cas had asked him to listen and have faith, and now to this tribe by extension. He concluded it was too important all around not to give them a chance. “Ok.”

“Thank you. We were given your history by Castiel, as he knows it. It seems you’ve lived an extraordinary life, and death as well. Such things are just whispers of legend here, we have much to be grateful to you for. Seeing you now, your struggle from second to second...are you aware of it? We wonder. You are stronger than you know, and even more so with  _ him.  _ To be honest, we’ve never encountered a bond such as this. Your neubung-” Castiel winced slightly at the word but tried to conceal it, “minyung yihumm kunjellin?”

_ There he goes again, what are they asking him? Whatever Alden is asking clearly makes him sad. I’ve gotta ask him about it later. _

“Neule yihumm migunn, yilnanbaugull numnum,” Cas carefully pleaded.

Alden and the others looked a little confused but left it alone. “Castiel, you were able to explain our offer?” Alden asked with a note of hope in his voice.

“Yes, I believe he understands his...condition, and is willing to accept your guidance.”

Alden looked to Dean, who nodded. “Very well, we’re thankful for this chance to help you. We don’t often let English work so closely with us in these matters, but we feel your coming here is fortuitous for both parties. Castiel, you are still planning to accept our guidance as well?”

_ Whaaat?  _ Deans head snapped to his right, Cas was already looking at him, expecting his confusion. “I may be superior in a few ways, but I am neither supreme nor all-knowing. Think on how much I’ve learned from you and Sam since we first met. I gladly humble myself to learn what I can from these ancient people, especially if it helps you.”

Dean was speechless.  _ An angel of the Lord, an entity with superhero powers, would submit himself to learn from the most imperfect being on the planet? That’s like Stephen Hawking asking a fish how to write poetry. And this angel is doing it for me? My God, how far he has fallen. He could be looking for Lucifer’s hellspawn and saving the world, but no...I had to drag his feathered ass to Australia for yoga and couples therapy! Why couldn’t he have chosen someone normal? He deserves normal, he deserves the world, and instead gets my fucking dark, defective, broken ass. Merry Christmas, holy shit! Where's the tylenol? _

Cas felt a wave of emotion come from Dean and he braced for the slashing through his chest. He hunched over, reeling from the pain, but put his hand on Dean's back so it would appear he was leaning over in a comforting gesture.  _ This is exactly where we need to be. Oh Dean, your soul is bubbling like it’s soaking in acid! There aren’t enough tears in the world to be shed for what you’re doing to yourself! At least the Elders are witnessing as well, I can see it in their faces. This will give them a clear idea of how to best guide you. I need to get this under control, you can’t know how this is hurting me.  _ If it weren't for the blinding pain, Cas would have been sobbing for Dean.

Alden and the council, were barely able to speak. They could see his soul, a flat greenish black color writhing, bleeding. They couldn’t fathom how he was still alive. When Castiel placed a hand on him, his soul pulsed as a shimmering bluish silver light coiled around it like dye in water. Never had their eyes viewed the event of grace transfer. Instantly Dean’s soul stilled, allowing the grace to sooth him just a little.

The oldest member spoke to everyone but addressed Castiel in a bewildered voice, “Gulli minyung neule mummeri! Waikaimalay! Neubani! Bullonga talngai, wahlu iba, yalnun juba. Bullungi nya wogai?” Cas shook his head, he was shocked and exhausted. “Castiel, we are very glad you’ve come to us. You will benefit from our help every bit as we from yours.” Cas nodded again and turned to Dean, “This is Jonah, Jobeka’s father. He’s able to, how to put this...see our bond. I’m not going to be learning from them just for you. I have some things needing focus as well, so you’re not the only one with something broken that needs fixing,” he tried to laugh and distract him, but Dean could sense something was off.

“We can discuss and arrange our Dadirri practice with you later, perhaps we should move on to the reason you are here, should we not?” Alden offered. They both nodded, Cas kept a reassuring hand on Dean and leaned in to listen.

“Back in November, we lost a tourist. The park closed for a few days while local authorities searched for the young man, a 20 year old with his family from Toowoomba on holiday. They found him under a large berm in Cedar Creek over on the southeast side of the park. Had the suction marks on his neck and arms, his parents described him as fair skinned. When they pulled him though, the poor kid looked like he’d been sunbathing in Alice Springs under a magnifying glass all day. We didn’t know about the suction marks til the next person went missing about two weeks later.”

“So you didn’t have any reason yet to think it was strange?” Dean asked.

“No, there are so many waterways and crevasses in the area, it’s not uncommon for people to have accidents. Locals know the areas posing danger, but tourists occasionally will seek a more ‘off the beaten path’ adventure that can lead to trouble. Every summer there’s a few close calls, rescue service might have to step in. Then every few years we’ll lose someone, just natural order of things like everywhere else. We keep our ears to the ground of course and we have a few tribal members who work in local services keeping us informed. Arri here is an officer, he was in Auckland at the time so he didn’t work the case and didn’t find out about the markings til the second victim was brought in, but the station is small enough that word gets around. Then a 23 year old from over in Kagaru was hiking with friends for the day, they said she sat down for a minute to retrieve something from her pack and said she’d catch up, but never did. Took a week to find her, an elderly woman was picking berries early one morning off of Plunkett Road east of here, out of park boundaries, found her in a small ditch under part of the berry bush. She had been worked on more than once by the Yara-ma-yha-who. That’s when we knew our trouble. They hide in Fig trees, we’ve had our hunters working in shifts. Two groups at night and two during the day searching for signs of the beast. It seems it's picking up in appetite. They normally don’t feed so often, nor do they customarily attack at night. Four of the victims were taken during unusual hours. Two of them in early evening after sunset at Rotary Lookout, an Astronomy major was next to the Palm Grove Forest off of Eagle Heights Rd and went missing sometime after a text message to a friend just after 2:30am. And another victim, a 17 year old volunteer at about 5am was jogging before his shift at Camp Tamborine, a church retreat at the north end of the park. There’s concern of closing since many children's youth groups stay there.”

“How many of the victims are young?” Cas asked.

“It depends on your definition of young. All but two were quite green, a 53 year old from Folsom, California. And a 27 year old…” Alden's face fell in immense sorrow, “my niece Kunmanara Bilin, she was a hunter. We’re still uncertain how the beast was so strong, she was very strong too. Nalo, the hunter who was with her said when he was trying to pull her down from the creature's grasp it was too strong. It might have taken at least 4 strong men to free her by Nalo’s guess, but to what end is unclear.” Alden paused, in an effort to maintain a degree of stoicism expected of someone in his role he let the momentary heartbreak pass through like a wave, then continued, “She would not have survived the struggle, the internal damage was too great. Her spine had been partially severed, her sternum was crushed which ruptured her lung and heart. Her right arm had been torn away by the end of the fight.”

_ Jesus Christ Almighty. What a horrific way to go. Claire and Alex are little shits sometimes but it I absolutely cannot fathom losing them, especially not like that. “ _ I’m really sorry, um..I’ve lost family too, and friends. More than I care to count. This crap job, it ain’t for the faint hearted, it just plain hurts most of the time. I may be having some  _ issues _ right now, but I want to help.  _ We  _ want to help. The best way to do that is to point us off leash in the direction of the last attack and we’ll find what you’re looking for. We read that the Yara-ma-yha-who are stronger than the average human, but this one’s obviously been chowing his Wheaties and then some. Ever come across anything like it before?”

Jonah stood to speak, “In the past we’ve dealt with more than one at a time, if it keeps a close enough watch on it's prey then they don’t escape, the victim can roam around in a trance like state as if under a spell. They might be reported missing, but never found if they are turned quickly enough. Being aware of this possibility, we tend to sweep our region quickly and thoroughly to prevent it from happening.”

“Are you certain it’s still one? With this many deaths in such a short time what is the likelihood of it escalating?” Cas was concerned it could get out of hand and possibly beyond even their scope of aid.

Jonah replied, “There is always that chance but we’ve been casting spells all over the region. The trees have awakened and the risk of seriously disrupting the balance of nature increases every day exponentially. If we cannot contain this problem we’ll have to shut down the net and lose what’s been our greatest weapon so far.”

“How so? Wouldn’t more tree spirits be helpful in fighting this creature?” Dean asked.

Another Elder responded, “The spirits draw an incredible amount of power from the earth when awakened, leaving only one up and pulling energy for longer than necessary has a measurable effect on the immediate area surrounding the roots. We call on them usually one at a time and only when necessary, it’s a method that has kept balance here well. Already the trees are beginning to dry and suffer, they’re a neural network after all so when one is ailing they all share in it to a degree, even the other arboreal species. We depend on this land greatly, both the First Peoples and English. We did not make this choice lightly, but the need to preserve human life outweighs the temporary risk to nature. Waking all the Fig Spirits at once was a dangerous choice but we are monitoring it as best we can, we’ll hold off on casting the dormancy spell as long as possible. We can even try casting the spell in stages so as not to shock the environment.”   _ This sounds like some straight up Avatar juju. _

The man who spoke had wisdom in his voice, it was almost tangible as he spoke. Both Dean and Cas could sense something different about him, a calm connection he shared with everything around him.  _ This guy has some serious Obi-wan Kenobi vibes, it’s kinda cool.  _ Alden introduced him as Gilrad, a local Shaman and spiritual leader.  _ That explains it. _

_ “ _ Do the Yara-ma-yha-who leave any markings on the trees? Claw marks or sucker marks?”

“Some leave sucker marks, sometimes they’ll keep strange mementos of their victims up in the trees and it can be very hard to reach, let alone spot.  Nalo said something really odd though, it looked as if the one who attacked Kunmanara Bilin had a necklace and bracelets, which is most strange, these creatures exist primarily on instinct alone. There are no higher thought processes that occur. It preys, attacks, sleeps, and that’s all. So why it would be wearing anything is peculiar. It was dark, and in the chaos of the situation, identifying every little detail was difficult.  I’ll make sure you have an opportunity to speak with him very soon though,” Alden assured.

“Do you have any more lore on the Yara-ma-yha-who? And information, details about all of the victims we can look over?” Cas asked.

“The Yugambeh Museum in Beenleigh has a unique library, some books are not circulated for public use but remain reserved for tribal members. If you’d like to do more research, it’ll only take a phone call to get you the clearance you need,” Alden offered.

“Yes, that would be very helpful, thank you” Cas replied.

“Normally we find ways of getting involved with the authorities in the formal investigations, but that would obviously be difficult here and it sounds like you have more than capable connections,” Dean added.

“I can get you copies of the profiles and reports on all the victims. The department has been through all of them several times, we’re finding it a challenge to identify a common thread among them if one even exists. But you’re welcome to try,” Arri said to Dean appreciatively.

“Thank you, let us know when we can grab them from you.”

“We will be sending a shift out tonight in the park, if you’d care to join them,” Alden offered.

“Definitely, where and what time are they meeting?”

“9pm to 2am, at Curtis Cafe which is near your motel correct?”

“Yes, we ate there this morning.”

“Good, Ok then, we’d like you to enjoy the park. It would be very helpful to become acquainted with the area. You’ll meet later this evening with Gilrad to discuss and arrange times for working on Dadirri. But for now, it’s important you both relax and enjoy the beautiful nature this region offers, it’ll be a good start to the right mindset. Pick a spot that looks interesting and have fun. Why don’t you meet back here about 7:30pm?”

“Sounds good, please call us if there’s any news in the meantime.”

“Thank you both for giving us a second chance. We’ve seen so many things over the years and lately with the losses we’ve sustained, we haven’t got the resources to fight anything else. I apologize for our reactions, they were premature and we’ve just been on edge. Sometimes we forget the Great Father sends us help and friendship in the most unlikely of forms. You’ve reminded us of that and I’m grateful.” Alden shook their hands, “Now please go enjoy. See you soon.”

They both waved and left the community area heading for the car. It was 1:30 and the heat was rising, Dean estimated it was in the high 80’s or low 90’s but felt even hotter with the humidity. Between the jetlag and emotional roller coaster back with the elders he was feeling somewhat vulnerable. Part of him was just itching to get out and hunt already. But part of him also wanted to go back to the motel and cocoon in the safety and companionship of his angels arms. It was a new feeling still, it made his heart flutter and having someone to hear him, comfort him when he needed it felt too good to be true.

They wound through the buildings and tall grass again, Dean spotted a grove of trees not too far off with some nice shade. He smiled a little to himself and took Cas’s hand, leading him to the shade of the trees.  _ If my 14 year old self could see me right now...jeez.  _ Cas was confused but didn’t say anything, he let Dean gently tug him behind a thick tree where they were mostly concealed from anyone who may have been watching. Cas leaned against the tree, tilting his head in genuine curiosity. Dean held Cas’s face in his hands, rubbing his cheeks softly with his thumbs. He rested his forehead against Cas’s for a moment, it felt so grounding to do this. It was as if their inner compasses recalibrated to each other in the stillness. He lost himself in those shining blue eyes for a moment. Tilting his head slightly he tenderly kissed this beautiful creature, whose hand slid up his shirt and rested over his heart for a second and then pushed him a few inches away, breaking the kiss.

“Dean I thought we talked about this already,” Cas scolded. Dean’s heart stung in his chest as he briefly struggled to understand what he’d done wrong. Then it dawned on him,  _ he thinks I’m trying to get in his pants. _ “I didn’t...I wasn’t going to...”  _ All I wanted was a cheesy moment to steal a kiss from my crush. “ _ Neverm-it’s ok. It’s fine,” he softly issued. He was hurt, but they needed to do what they were told and start getting familiar with the park. Backing away he motioned for them to start heading to the car, “We should get going, maybe we can get Rowena’s rocks out of the way this afternoon and hike around the Witches Chase track for homework.”

Cas was trying to figure out why Dean put up the wall just now which had finally come down the last few days. There had been hurt in his voice, but he thought it had been decided they’d behave themselves and not  _ fool around _ . As Cas examined the last few minutes while following him to the car, his miscalculation hit him. Now that he thought about it, Dean hadn’t been trying to engage in activity resulting in sex.  _ Oh why did I do that?! All he wanted was some comfort and a pleasant moment, I completely messed it up by pushing him away. No wonder his feelings are hurt. This is so confusing! I don’t know how to read when he wants affection or sex because he’s never showed this side to me before. He is so hurt inside and I just made it even worse. I’ve gotta be the worst boyfriend ever. _

He quickened his pace to get in front of him. “Dean, wait. Stop. I’m sorry. I’m new at this, you’re new to me in some ways. It’s difficult for me to interpret the intention of your affection sometimes. You make me want to lock you up in our room and make love to you nonstop for all eternity. Mind you, I’ve a far better concept of how long that is and yes, I crave you that badly. My feelings, and I guess..hormones? They’re all so overwhelming right now,and courtship rituals in general are quite confusing to me. These people needing our help and the condition your soul is in...I just, please forgive me if my ‘Dean skills’ are rusty,” he pleaded with air quotes.

“I get it Cas, I do. It’s not like they came out with a ‘Date with a Human’ at your local Cloud Cinema up there like we had ‘Date with an Angel’ down here. But once in awhile it's nice to have a simple, quiet time with someone and not be worried about crossing that finish line. I never settled so people aren’t put in danger because of me, _ remember?  _ But here you are, despite the risks. If you want me, then it means all of me, not just one part. Even though it’s a pretty good part,” he waggled his eyebrows, then got serious again. “The rest of me deep down always wanted something real, which means a helluva lot more than quickies behind a tree,” Dean explained as he put his hand in Cas’s. The angel was squinting slightly, head tilted. “Which part was confusing?” Dean asked.

“What’s this Date with an Angel about? And what’s a quickie?”

Dean sighed in amusement, “An angel falls in a guys swimming pool on her way from heaven to get him.”

“Was she sent there to save him from something?”

“No, she had been sent to reap him. She damaged her wing when she fell. He ended up saving her and they fell in love.”

“Did she still have to reap him?”

“No, she was granted a vacation for the duration of a human lifetime.”

“Did she still have her wings, her grace?”

“No, but she lived happily ever after with her boyfriend and french fries.”

Cas smiled, it was Dean’s turn to look confused. “We do have our indulgences don’t we? For me it’s PB & J’s and you. So what’s a quickie?”

Dean’s heart went pitter patter. After everything he’d survived, he’d never not be amazed that an angel saved him from Hell, and all he wanted in this world was peanut butter and him. “I’ll save that for another teachable moment soon, k?” he kissed Cas’s forehead and they headed to the car.

Turns out it wasn’t far, they left the neighborhood and turned left on Witches Chase Rd. Since it was a summer weekend, they weren’t surprised how many people they saw milling around. 

“Looks like the rock diving will have to wait,” Dean huffed, “maybe Alison can tell us how to get in here after hours”.

They hiked the track, stopping to examine the fig trees. Working on a case usually involved far too much time with his nose in a book, or extricating himself from an over eager cougar somewhere in minivan land.  Dean was relieved to be investigating in such a nice place. Cas seemed in love with the wildlife. After a while they came across a fork on the path, there were two aged stone pillars and a small sign near the right pillar that read “cemetery”. They weren’t sure which was older, the pillar or the sign. The path looked completely dilapidated, they could see a rusted and broken gate meant to deter tourists from entering that had fallen long ago. The whole vibe was off-putting and the park must have been banking on this as its own repellant from anyone entering other than at their own risk. Given that they’d already seen a few private properties set back aways from the track, they could see how most people would assume it's off limits and probably privately owned as well. “Do Not Enter” vibes abounded, but for Dean they were just “I dare you’s,” so of course heading down the beaten path was the first thing he decided to do. Cas sauntered behind, keeping a keen eye on the trees.

The path curved awhile to the left, the trees there were more thick and dense, to the point someone might not believe it was a hot sunny day at all but one of late fall in the early evening. Grave markers could be seen almost sprouting from underneath fig tree roots and some under bushes. There was a grassy area off the the right side of the path, more of a glen really, that had some very old and large markers leaning to and fro.

_ How sad these loved ones have been forgotten. _ Angels in true form went into the void when they died, there was nothing physically left to dispose of. Yet it was still tradition if they died on this earthly plane, that their blades be placed in the earth with the grip and pommel pointing to the heavens from the place where they fell. They appeared as massive, oddly shaped spires that were quite otherworldly. Some could no longer be found, humans having scavenged them for other uses, not knowing what they were. Others were now encased, eternally remaining part of ancient monuments found across the globe, their true history lost to time. Others had yet to be discovered, eons from now when the earth would finally reveal the last of it’s secrets.

At the edge of the dark glen was a small building, a mausoleum which looked as if it hadn’t been visited in a century. It’s doors were closed, but the iron locks had all but rotted away. At some point someone had gone to the trouble of wrapping the door handles with rope, but it had frayed and disintegrated on the outside coil upon a single touch from Dean.  _ Nothing creepy about death and decay here, nope. _ He used a pocket knife to cut away the inner coils of rope that stubbornly hung on. Cas helped him pull the door open which dragged along the concrete floor like nails on a chalkboard. They only opened as far as was necessary to slither in, nobody needed to be hearing that racket and decide to investigate. Spiderwebs covered nearly every surface, Dean immediately bristled.  _ There’s no friggin’ way I’m gonna die by one of the massive spiders here, what did the show call it? A Huntsman?  _ He did a full body shiver just remembering those images.

“Dean, what is it?”

“Just keep a look out for spiders, you remember the delightful breeds they have here don’t you?”

“Yes of course, I’ll watch out for them. You just poke around and do what you need to do.”

“I ain’t poking nuthin’, those fuckers are big enough to poke back and flip me off.”

He shivered again, but sucked it up and pushed on looking for anything out of the ordinary. As if an ancient mausoleum in the middle of an Australian National Park wasn’t odd enough. He noted the remnants of old candles burnt out next to glass slots which likely once held photographs of the deceased, who were laid to rest in the structure. There was an odd smell about the place, Dean couldn’t quite place it though he tried. He moved to the back room carefully, he didn’t know if any spiders could jump but he wanted to be prepared just in case he surprised one. In the very back room that he entered were strange markings on the wall and a few bones and other debris on the floor directly beneath. He took his phone out to snap a few pictures. He couldn’t tell if the bones were human or animal, so he put a few in his pocket to give Arri for lab samples. A few dried flower petals mixed with the ash of something were scattered among the bones. A larger piece of bone shaped like a wonky bowl was placed directly under the wall markings, it once held something but was now just a sticky residue. Cas stared at the markings for a while, triangles became squares layered upon one another in a twisting pattern, not unlike a mandala. Many cultures used this imagery in faith practices, this was something they’d have to ask to the elders about.

“Hey Cas, what’s that smell? It’s like tobacco, wine, and...I dunno. Something sweet. I know I’ve smelled it before, somewhere.”

“Sandalwood. Hibiscus. Lemon and tobacco and alcohol.  I would touch the altar as little as possible Dean. I’m not certain what was going on here just yet, but one can guess from the bones it was likely negative in nature. The question though is, does it relate to the case?”

“No harm in collecting a few samples to find out. The design of this structure is odd. Looks like it was renovated and added on to over the years. This section here that we’re standing in looks completely different, much older. The stone is different, the floor and walls were assembled in another way. Even the ceiling slopes and upfront it's solid and level. This room feels like it was, is, oriented in an eastward direction whereas the rest is facing south. The burial...jeez are these considered sarcophagi? Are facing east and much larger. Did they double or triple up to save space?”

“It’s still common for cultures to place family members together depending on the circumstances. For instance, a mother and child would be placed together if they perished in birth, or married couples might wish to spend eternal rest close to one another.” This brought a pang of sadness to Cas, the idea of Dean dying, and staying dead, before his time was devastating enough. Alas, the inevitable separation they would experience at a hopefully very distant point, simply due to their difference in species, was absolutely crushing him. He really tried never to think about it, but in this environment it was impossible not to. It was at these times Cas envied humans their frailty, their short lifespans, the chance of being soulmates so they could spend their time together in heaven.

Even though people often couldn’t understand, death itself was a beautiful thing. Placing the delicate shells of two souls so in love, side by side, so they may slowly return to stardust together was a romantic luxury Cas would never have. It hurt far more than he ever expected, if he _could_ choose then he’d gladly have Jimmy’s body either entombed with Deans in an eternal embrace or return to the stars with him on a glorious, blazing hunters pyre. He never questioned or regretted his immortality, never wondered what the point of it was. Then he’d been charged with saving a soul from Hell and the moment he laid eyes on this soul all that changed. Everything had been done in robotic obedience and servitude for the purpose of good to triumph over evil. The soul he rescued had wiped all the player's off the board, flipped the table, and stubbornly stood before him as his new purpose. It confounded him in every way possible and the last 10 years had been his journey to understand that magnetic pull and purpose with Dean.

He shook off the emotions as best he could and decided they should look around the outside of the building as well. They saw stark differences in the building structure that were not obvious when they first walked in. But the whole thing was in severe disrepair so even if what they found had no relation to the case it would still be wise to give Arri a heads up so it could be properly blocked off to the people who did fancy a stroll down Spooky Lane.

They started walking down the loop and heard a car coming, Dean half expected it to be the Mystery Machine given the overall appearance of this part of the track. He quickly realized though this portion of the loop with the cemetery backed up to the Main Western Road. They finished the loop and perused the rest of the park section, with another stop at the Falls. Still too many people to risk rock hunting in daylight. By now it was almost 5 in the evening and Dean’s stomach was growling. Cas insisted he have dinner, so they headed out and called Alison for a eatery recommendation. She offered Curtis’s Bar and Grill as an option which was just down the road from the cafe or over in Waterford about 20 minutes north east on the freeway there was a fun place called Fitzy’s Roadside Grill that had food & gaming. Not in a Dave & Buster’s kind of mood, and given they had a meeting back with Gilrad coming up, Dean chose Curtis’s.

Cas sat patiently while he munched on a rather large sandwich, chips, and soda. He just loved watching the happiness well in Dean as he filled his tummy and talked about simple little things, like the distillery he saw on the map and might want to visit if they had time. If this was a dinner date, then Cas was thrilled because they’d already been on plenty without realizing it and always enjoyed it. He asked if this qualified, to which Dean responded, “Depends on who’s standards you’re referring to. If you ask a 14 year kid, then it’s the perfect spot. If you ask most guys without considering what their date might want, then yeah probably. But if yer gonna do it right no matter who you’re taking out, then no. Mind you, I’m not the guy who wants to put on a monkey suit, order from menus without prices, and eat at tables providing more than one fork per person. But if you’re looking for good food and fun times, I’m definitely your guy. Something you wanna ask Cas?” he questioned, voice full of insinuation.

“I want to have a better understanding of courtship. You have the advantage of extensive experience, whereas I don’t. Can we try it sometime? Going on a date?” he asked, a little embarrassed.  _ Please say yes. He might say no. But he did just give me two orgasms in the last 24 hours so the likelihood of him saying yes to a meal customarily shared by two people in a romantic relationship is good. However, he isn’t one for fussing over anything to do with feelings, I might have put him on the spot. I messed up. Please say yes. _

Dean couldn’t help notice the bizarre look on his angels face. “What in the hell is going on in that head of yours? You look like your brain is playing table tennis with itself,” Dean asked, then immediately back peddled. _Ah crap, that came out wrong._ _That sounded like a pretty harsh response to a clearly nervous but hot AF angel who’d just mustered the courage to ask me out on his very first date. But seriously though, what the hell was he thinking about that made him look like a Looney Toons character?_

Dean held Cas’s hand, leaned into him a little, and answered with a hint of smolder, “I will, and I guarantee it will be your best first date ever. Also your last first date. Hell angel, you play your cards right you may even get lucky,” he teased as he threw a chip in his mouth.

Cas smiled in a way that was as close to a genuine laugh as Dean had ever witnessed. Yet underneath the swagger he was inwardly clutching his chest, wiping his brow, and thinking  _ Oh thank Chuck I pulled myself outta that nosedive, damn. And doesn’t he look so happy about it...if I wasn’t so darn hungry right now I’d climb on his lap and play some tonsil hockey. Hmmm, whoa there tiger. Nope _ ,  _ don’t go there. Far too much left to do tonight still. _

They still had well over two hours before meeting with Gilrad, both secretly wished they could retreat to the motel and get lost in one another, but the temptation to remain glued to one another for the whole night would be too great. Jobeka and her family were such a jovial group, they decided since it was on the way a visit would be nice. As they parked and started for their home they both stopped to look at the pleasant view again. It really was such a peaceful place. Cas noticed an odd smell this time, lemons?  _ Maybe from the detergent used on the sheets drying outside, but something else was combined with it...chili pepper? Was someone cooking? I don’t recall smelling it before. _

They wound their way to Jobekas home, they could hear laughter and pleasant chatter over the radio as they approached the front door and knocked.

“Wumgin!” Alison hollered. Cas opened the door to be met with her and Callum smiling with delight to see them. Alison was just clearing the table, her father was sitting there making notes, and Jobeka strolled in from the hallway with the usual light in her eyes and a “Jingeri!” for them both. “How goes it?” she enthusiastically inquired.

“It’s goin’ fine” Dean replied.

“We just wrapped up dinner but we’ve got plenty left over. Sit! I’ll heat some for you!” she offered, gesturing to the table.

“No, we just ate but thank you. Whatever you had smells fantastic though.”

“Roasted veggies with Damper bread,” Alison winked.

“To what do we owe this visit from such fine gents this evening?” Callum smiled and stood, gathering his papers.

“We’re meeting Gilrad later and had some time to kill, thought we’d stop by. We’re not interrupting anything are we?” Dean asked.

“Certainly not! Either of you boys ever tinker with cars? I’ve got one out back needs a bit of work, could use the help,” Callum cautiously grinned.

“I’d love to help, got a classic myself back home and I’m the only one I trust her with. I’m not too familiar with foreign engines but I learn quick, what are we looking at?”

Callum got a gleam in his eye, “Classic eh? Do tell...she’s not post muscle car era is she?”

“Nooo Sir, my Baby was born of spark and American steel, raised on Zepplin in the era's heyday, and has a battle cry of thunder heard for miles around. She’s a ‘67 Chevy Impala, my pride and joy” Dean glowed.

Callum pursed his lips, gestured outside, and knowingly replied, “Think ya better have a looksee.”

Alison finished clearing the table and turned to her mom, “I gotta go meet Shasta at the cinema now, we’ll be back later Mum.” She kissed both parents, grabbed her purse, and waved goodnight to Cas and Dean.

“Can I please help you with those Jobeka?” Cas asked, pointing to the dishes.

“If you don’t mind drying, I’ll never say no to anyone offering,” she stated. Cas smiled and grabbed the nearest towel as Dean headed out back with Callum.

~*~*~

Dean felt so different with this family, almost carefree. They cherished life and each other so much, as if they didn’t have the cares of the world weighing on them. Of course he knew it wasn’t true, everyone had troubles of some kind. It was their outlook he supposed, cheerful and refreshing regardless of being all the wiser about the hidden world around them which most people chose to show a blind eye to. They sauntered out back around the left side of the house to a small garage that clearly got plenty of use. As they walked through the open double doors Dean saw the treasure Callum had pulled through the second set of doors. It sat there practically winking at him, exuding confidence in itself while regarding him as an enthusiast.

Dean’s face lit up as he drawled, “Well hello handsome!” He walked right up to the royal blue beast as if it were a favorite relative he’d not seen in awhile. “1967 Chevy Malibu, this here’s my Baby’s badass little brother!” The hood was open so he took a peak, “Aaah, there’s the L79 engine with open air elements, 325 horsepower and a 750 Holley. This thing could outrun most other muscle cars of its time and depending on who was driving, it could even smoke the same year Corvette  _ and  _ Camaro cause everything was identical save for the camshaft. This was literally the ‘67 underdog.”

“Dean, anyone with this kind of Chevy savvy and enthusiasm is ok in my book. I already liked you, now I want to buy ya a beer!” Callum grinned, “after we fix it though.”

“Engine trouble?” Dean wondered.

“Bit of heat soak, have to wait a good 45 minutes to restart or it just won’t turn over. I bought a new starter for it so that’s needing to go in. With the temps right now what they are though I figure it wouldn’t hurt to install a heat shield either.”

“I thought that only happened with the long blocks?”

“That’s because the power to weight ratio wasn’t distributed as well in the long blocks, not many people back in the day really bothered to verify the horsepower that the muscle car industry advertised. The truth got stretched a bit, most of the long block cars got 350 Hp under the hood and the Malibu was given a 325. So between the improved weight ratio of the Malibu and the ‘not quite 350 Hp’ of the bigger beasts people assumed they had..well if this thing lost a race it was rare and only by a few car lengths. But even the short blocks weren’t immune to hot engine restarts, it wasn’t impossible.”

“Learn something new everyday I guess. I’m pretty good with wiring, I can pull them from the back of the starter and we’ll go from there.”

“Works for me, thanks.”

_ Feels so good to be working on a car again, just like a little piece of home. Don’t worry though Baby, you’re still my best girl. _

As they began their work they chatted a bit about how Callum came by the Malibu, what other cars he’d owned. The conversation eventually turned to family, Dean gave Callum a very brief history of his own.

“What about Cas? How long you boys been together?” Callum casually asked Dean. It used to be with his brother, now Cas, Dean couldn’t get over how many people over the years had assumed he was gay. He wondered what on earth he was doing to give so many that impression? Not that it mattered anymore, he and Cas were officially together, and while he wasn’t the type to ever flaunt his relationships status he certainly wasn’t going to hide it either.

“Cas and I met 10 years ago, but we finally pulled our stubborn heads out of our asses just before coming here. Feels like everything's changed, but at the same time nothing has. He’s always been family, guess now just moreso.”

“It was the same here with Shasta. She moved here when she and Alison were ten. Her parents died in a boating accident, they lived in Coffs Harbor up the coast. She was sent to live in Cedar Creek with her grandmother. Jo and I were told early on that children were unlikely, it was hard on us both but we made peace with it. Kept busy with work and our local conservation groups. Alison was quite a surprise so late in life but my, she’s a dream. I’ll never forget though the light in her eyes when she came home from school that day so excited to tell us about her new friend. That was it, they were completely inseparable from then on, like they had always known each other. Shasta’s grandmother sadly wasn’t in the best of shape to take her on, despite her heart being in the right spot. Rather than get an agency involved we had a long chat with her grandmother about letting her come to live here. She was free to call and visit as often as she liked. Shasta works part time at the senior center where she lives now so they can spend plenty of time together. When they were 15 the girls came to us about how they felt. It was no surprise to me and Jo, those two are sunshine and rainbows wherever they go. You know what changed after that Dean?”

“No, what?”

“Not a darn thing. My Alison still has that light in her eyes since that first day they met. Shasta takes care of me, Jobeka, and Alison just like we took care of her. She brings the out best in our daughter and loves her beyond anything I’ve ever seen, except for me and Jo maybe. There’s not a doubt in my mind when Jobeka and I are gone that our girls will work hard and take care of each other just as they’ve always done. What more could parents want for their child?”

“They’re lucky to have each other. A wise man once told me that family don’t end in blood. The older I get the better I understand it, and the more it dawns on me how important it is to let people you care for know it.”

“Preaching to the choir, boy!” he smiled, “I tell you about them because I sense something strong too between you and Castiel. It’s all around you both, like the air cracks and fizzles or something. A unique and powerful connection, life is too damn short. Plain and simple. Whatever problems come your way you must have faith in that connection, always. Since you’re a hunter I’ll share something with you I don’t often mention. I’m an empath, it means I feel the emotions and connections of others. I don’t reckon I’ve ever come across the sort of energy you give off, nor Castiel. When I say that, it’s in the literal sense. There’s an incredible power rolling from you two and my impression is you guys are still trying to manage it. Have you felt it?”

Dean gave a long sigh, “Oh man, sparks flew the night we first met, thought he might actually burn down the damn barn. Sometimes it kinda scares me. It’s like a pull in my chest, a magnet. It’s not painful but it is strong. I’ve been under other...influences in the past. I don’t like it, I’m not..me. Since we decided to finally just give in, it feels different though, like I’m more me, but connected somehow to him literally like you said. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, but I wish it wasn’t such a mystery to me.

“Have you told him?”

“Maybe it would help to better understand it but he’s..‘relationship challenged’ is an accurate way to put it so it’s unclear if he’ll have any reference to draw from.”

“Won’t know til you ask. I strongly advise the utmost open communication between you two. You’ll have to understand it together. Whatever this power is, it’s intertwined with you both. Wish I had more clarity but guess all I can offer is telling you it’s there, I just can’t identify it exactly. Shasta can’t either, she’s stronger than I am. Between Jobeka’s dreaming vision, me and Shasta...don’t know how us lot ended up under the same roof but nobody can get away with nothing!” he laughed and laughed. “Not even Alison, though she gets a smidge jealous at times.”

They worked for a while pulling the starter out of the Malibu, Callum decided to inform him how rugby worked, which easily made the time pass.

~*~*~

Cas and Jobeka were nearly finished with the dishes when Cas asked about the lemon and pepper smell coming from outside.

“Oh they’re wrapped together and placed just inside our doors or front patios. They’re for protection against anyone or anything meaning to cause harm. We place them just before each new lunar cycle, when the moon is at its darkest.”

“Is this ritual strictly a Yugambeh tradition? How long have your people done this?”

“Well now, this one is quite old. I’ll have to check with my father if he has any idea how far back it goes. This island has had its share of visitors over the years, long before the British came. There are tales of the flood and the earth looking much different before it happened. Of course it also coincides with the melting of the last ice age so stories of migrations from very far away still exist within the First People's memories. There had to have been influences from other civilizations left on our people at one time or another. The special archive in our museum in Beenleigh has some excellent resources, albeit very old. We decided to move our collections over there and let the experts properly preserve what’s left and digitize them. Have Alden make a call, I think you’ll find a fascinating treasure trove of information if you’re after it.”

“Yes, Alden mentioned that. I think Dean and I will be taking him up on that offer soon.”

Jobeka smiled and finished up the last dish. “It pleases me to no end we’ve got your help, and that you would consider receiving any kind of assistance from us...being who you are, I knew we’d all be learning from each other the moment I met you. I get the feeling you are unique, even among your kind. Looking forward to witnessing what your time here with us brings.”

“Unique is one way to put it. I’m not certain it’s an advantage, but I see things of value here worth fighting for where some of my brethren do not. It’s cost me dearly, but I’ve also gained relationships that mean more to me than all the stars in the universe combined.”

“I see how much Dean means to you. This is why I hope you can benefit from what we have to offer, that boy has suffered more than any human I’ve seen. How do you think he’d manage without you?” Jobeka posed to him with a look of concern.

Cas was a little startled, he thought for a moment. “I wasn’t sure how to manage his anxiety. It felt like the only solution was to leave him with no memory of me, so he wouldn’t have anything to miss. When Alden offered to help it gave me hope, I’d been hurting so much over it. It’s still unknown if it will help enough, but there’s hope now where a few days ago there was none.”

“He needs our help, no doubt there. But I wasn’t referring to him in regards to our assistance. You’re in great need as well, can you not feel how serious it is?” she asked imploringly.

“I conserve my grace as needed, there’s really no help from heaven so I manage.”

Jobeka looked at him with a surprised expression on her normally calm face.  _ Why is she looking at me like this? She knows I’m not at full power. Does she know someth- _ ”Hey Cas! It’s time to head over and meet with Gilrad,” Dean interrupted. He came in from the backyard a little sweaty, needing to wash his hands. Cas could sense a happiness in him, it usually followed him repairing vehicles. Something soothing about the straightforward interaction between him and an engine. He also found Dean quite attractive like this, and tried to think of an acceptable way to convey it.

Callum trudged in after him and asked, “If you’ve got any time tomorrow, you think you could help me install the heat shield?”

“Not sure of the exact plan yet but if Alden doesn’t have us booked then I’ll definitely be back.”

“Thank you much Dean!”

“My pleasure.”

Cas hugged Jobeka and as Dean scooted out the back door again ahead of him he promised her, “I will listen very well to whatever Gilrad advises.” She nodded and he took off after Dean.

Dean was walking at a face pace towards the open community area, now confident of the path. Cas asked, “Are we late?”

“No, why?”

Cas snagged Deans hand and pulled him around the rainwater storage and hugged him close. Dean was a little confused but wasn’t  _ ever _ going to turn down an opportunity to put his arms around his angel. “Everything ok?” he wondered aloud.

“Yes Dean. I’m happy you’re going to try this, even though it's not exactly ‘your thing’ I’m grateful you’re willing to be outside your comfort zone to get better. But I also wanted say how incredibly attractive I find you after working on cars.”

The left side of Dean's mouth went up in a smile and his cheeks turned pink. “Nah, I’m kinda sweaty and gross afterwards so, not sure how you figure, but I do love a good tune up or oil change,” he grinned.

“That's exactly what I like, sweaty and happy Dean,” Cas said with a hint of mischief.

“Ya know there are other things less greasy that yield the same result…” Dean grinned.

“Yes I look forward to getting back to that as soon as possible,” Cas nearly didn’t finish his sentenced because his lips couldn’t wait another millisecond to communicate just how precious sweaty and happy Dean was to him. He had to fight for control over himself so they wouldn’t get too swept up in the moment. He wanted to show Dean he cherished simple moments too. The kiss had started with a hint of urgency, but Dean could tell Cas was trying to make up for his earlier mistake when his lips slowed against his, only lightly brushing together. Dean adored this, he knew he came off as an insensitive ass sometimes, but kissing was so intimate and stirring for him. He felt Meg Ryan had taken the words right out of his mouth when he’d snuck out to see the romcom movie  _ French Kiss  _ when he was sixteen _. “Two people’s lips together, their breath, a little bit of their souls.”  _ He’d go to his grave before admitting he felt this way, but dammit it was the truth. Especially with how Cas kissed him, it was like every little micro sweep of his lips or soft dance of his tongue was coordinated to make him feel each gesture all over his body rather than just his mouth. In all his life he’d never felt that spark, that literal current from his chest with anyone else. He knew he’d never get enough of it, and hoped in the near future he’d have the chance to do nothing but kiss him for hours on end. Having to stop drove him crazy but there was no help for it, Cas broke away but laced his fingers in Dean's and they walked towards their meeting both hoping they’d find the strength to fix themselves, for each other.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yugambeh Translations
> 
> Jobeka: Hello Castiel!  
> Jobeka: Neulonga duringal ibru jeeunganyee bullonga gumera jajumbora gurai/His calm features tell me your love has done wonders.  
> Castiel: Unyah boogarahm yeenkai-ayler jajumbora neulongi nurrunyen/My greatest wish is to bring him contentment.  
> ________________________________
> 
> Alden: Your *  
> Castiel: Minyung yihumm kunjellin/He’s not aware, please keep it quiet for now.  
> Jonah: Gulli minyung neule mummeri! Waikaimalay! Neubani! Bullonga talngai, wahlu iba, yalnun juba. Bullungi nya wogai?/This is how he is still alive! Look! Your light, if you hold it's shine it’ll split further. Have you seen the signs?


	7. Chapter 7

They walked into the open community area to see Alden, Gilrad, and a woman they’d not met before. She looked to be in her late forties, had very long, straight black hair tied up neatly, her skin was slightly lighter than Aldens and Gilrad’s but not by much. She was quite short in comparison, but commanded no less authority. There was a look of wisdom in her eyes, but also warmth and compassion. Cas got that familiar look on his face when he recognized a touch of extraordinary in someone, Dean was about to whisper a question when Alden spoke in introduction, “Jingeri. This is Grace Parrish, one of our shamans and spiritual leaders.”

“Hello, I apologize for not meeting you earlier, but there was urgent business I had with one of the victims families this afternoon. I’m so pleased to meet you both,” she shook their hands and smiled pleasantly.

“Likewise, forgive me Grace,” Cas spoke, “may I speak with you privately for a moment?”

“Yes certainly, let’s go inside the great room here, shall we?” she gestured towards the building to the left that resembled a small community center. They excused themselves and went into the well lit, large room. Dean could see them speaking, Cas had a look of pleasant awe about him.

_ I wonder what that’s about...probably explains that look he had a minute ago. _

_ “ _ How was your afternoon?” Alden asked.

“It was good, Witches Chase track was a nice hike, the falls are beautiful and we had an interesting detour I wanted to ask you about. We came across an old cemetery and mausoleum down a neglected part of the track. There had been some recent activity in the building, I took some pictures with my phone and some samples I’d like Arri to run by the lab if you have one here in town?”

“It’s not at the station, they send evidence for testing over to Beenleigh, but it’s not far. I’ll see that Arri gets the samples tonight, may I see the pictures?”

Dean handed him the plastic bag he’d put the bones in and three others with the ash, petals, and what was likely burnt paper. Alden and Gilrad looked at the pictures Dean had taken with his phone, both men were intrigued by what they saw. “The symbol in the middle is First Peoples, you see the circle with the four petals around it”, Gilrad explained, “this is not a flower though. It means four women sitting. I’m not sure why someone from our tribe would do this at the mausoleum. It’s a very old place, did you notice part of it was much older?”

“Yeah, we saw the difference in the stone used to build the newer structure.”

“We aren’t sure exactly what the older part was used for, only that for ages our people haven’t wanted to touch it. We felt it was best to close it, well, our ancestors did. During the time of severe unrest with settlers though, warnings were disregarded and the area was used as a place of burial. It wasn’t a previous burial site for us, but stories indicated some of our ancestors wanted it closed off for a reason. When the settlers came and events unfolded as they did, it was used as they saw fit. They built the cemetery and this mausoleum, we don’t go near there save when we hunt or are summoned for a ritual of sorts. We did check there recently on one of our sweeps through while looking for the Yara-ma-yha-who, but I’ll check with Nalo and Finlay to see if they looked inside.”

“I know you’ve recently cast spells on the trees in the park, but do any of your other rituals fall into what western beliefs would classify as witchcraft?” Dean tried to ask respectfully.

“Witchcraft takes many forms, there are elements of spell work in our practice that would likely fall in that category but are only used in a positive light. Eons ago there were great tales of certain individuals who would use our faith practices irresponsibly, they were punished severely of course. Much was lost of those stories over time but the core lessons exist in the records we have in the museum. I do see components of the spell work here that look quite ancient though, the outer design surrounding the four women. It’s shape overall is similar to mandalas which were used in spells we’ve not cast in thousands of years. The bones are somewhat odd as well, I’ll do some digging in the reference books I keep at home, but I also highly recommend you look at our archives currently being digitized.”

“Will do, Alden if you could make that phone call soon then Cas and I can start to tackle the really old stuff. Given his knowledge of long dead languages and dialects we may uncover something the council has missed.”

“I can call first thing in the morning and get you an appointment, thank you for checking this out. I hadn’t meant for you both to be working, rather...communing with our nature here as it’s integral to our Dadirri practice. But it seems the last 24 hours have been quite serendipitous all around. I’m not sure if this altar and ritual are related to our situation, but we need to follow anything out of the ordinary at this point since this situation is already beyond the typical scope. We are greatly appreciative for your help and thoroughness,” Alden placed his hand on Dean's shoulder as he sincerely thanked him.

“Glad to be of service, and I uh...hope I can learn what is necessary from your assistance as well,” he stated while regarding them both.

Cas and Grace seemed to have wrapped up what appeared to be a positive exchange, and returned to them. “Gilrad I’d like you to work with Castiel if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” he smiled at her, in recognition of the wisdom in her decision.

Dean looked intensely at Cas,  _ how come you get Obi Wan Kenobi? _

Cas had a significant light in his blue eyes that usually preceded valuable thought or words. Dean had learned to trust him implicitly when this occurred. “Grace possesses a unique qualification, making her better suited to assist you in the work you must undertake. She will undoubtedly be of great help to you, which in turn means us,” he explained to Dean. He linked their small fingers of one hand and gave a quick but defined squeeze as a silent plea to heed his explanation.

“Ok, cool. So uh, when do we start?” he tried to ask casually.

“Right now if it’s ok, Castiel I’d like to go for a walk with you for our first meeting,” Gilrad stated calmly, gesturing towards the Kubun area. Cas nodded, gave Dean a reassuring glance, and set off into the sunset with the elder Jedi.

“Why don’t we go inside this evening?” Grace suggested. Dean followed her back into the building and down a hall to a room that looked very much like it was set up for a kind of kids club or youth group. Plenty of chairs, two sofas, a couple of tv’s with a Nintendo 64 and an XBox 360. There were bookshelves lining the back wall with magazines, cd’s, and books, and a variety of games.

“You mentioned that you’re helping some of the victims families?” Dean prompted as they sat down on one of the long, comfy sofas.

“Yes, we feel compelled to at least offer our assistance if something is reported on our lands of a traumatic nature.”

“How many families have taken the offer?”

“All but two, the man from California had an ex wife and daughter he was still very close with, they are receiving grief counseling there which is far more convenient.”

“And the other?”

“One of the children, a boy whose parents were deceased before the attack. The child had only recently come to Tamborine from Cedar Creek to stay with us. He had been practicing the Dadirri techniques for sometime since coming here years before.”

“Would I be able to review any files that might exist on him?”

“Typically no. Since he no longer has relatives who may take issue, and seeing that I’m aware it's to look for commonalities which may help our current situation, I would be comfortable allowing it. I do have to get final permission from Alden though, he should be fine with it but council law dictates I ask first.”

“Sure, ok.”

“I’ve been brought up to date on your situation. Surely there will be questions I’ll have as I get to know you a little more. But before we get started, it's imperative that you understand how incredibly strong we find you. A soul is far more durable than what average people understand of it. Your life, and death experiences have certainly tested its limits and here you are, still endeavoring to help others. Are you able to recognize the amount of power you possess to make this happen everyday?”

“I don’t feel there’s a choice, really. I mean, of course I choose to help people but as far as what I’ve gone through..it's always with me, I don’t go there, I do my best to ignore it. Haven’t always chosen the best methods of forgetting it, but what else am I gonna do? I refuse to check out cause I’ve been to hell and uh, no thanks. Been to heaven too and sue me, but I didn’t really care for that place either. Purgatory was the most honest place I’ve been, but after a life of fighting I don’t want to spend eternity doing that either. Only option is to make the best of it here while I can.”

“You’re fortitude is admirable. I’d like to help you learn to make the best of it here as well.”

“Cas mentioned you being qualified in some special way to help me?”

“Well yes, I can help relieve some of the weight you carry through a technique.”

“What do you mean, relieve some of the weight... Like ‘poof’ stuff just disappears?” Dean was feeling a bit agitated, it was starting to sound like the instant stain removal solution which he thought he’d been through with Cas the night before.

“Yes, and no. You need to know  _ typically, _ there is no such thing. When someone seeks clinical help from a mental health professional, the true work is done by the patient. So the same relationship here holds. What I have to offer is not medication, but think of your soul as a workbench in a mechanics garage and I am the janitor who regularly cleans so you can more effectively get your work done and successfully run your business. You do your work, you make the choices which result in the degree of your success. If your workbench does not get cleaned then eventually you’ll find your job more difficult, at some point you’ll be unable to continue, and your business will suffer or fail. When your soul has sustained sufficient trauma or damage, if it is not properly maintained, then you can suffer to the point of your struggle physically manifesting which can be dangerous or even deadly. I’m a sin eater, being a hunter you are aware of what this means correct?”

Dean was shocked and angry. “Yeah and what makes you think that any of my sin can just be digested and struck off the record?! Nothing can be erased and even if it could I don’t want it to. I can’t forget the people I’ve failed or even killed, the souls I tore apart! Clearly you’re different from the rest of your species because I’m still sitting here breathing but what gives you the right to take away someone’s wrong doings as if the people they’ve sinned against mean nothing?”

Somehow she calmly replied, “Are you aware that the spots on a soul from sin they’ve committed are completely different from those that have been committed against them? I only eat the transference of sins committed against those I counsel from that of the person who hurt them. I leave the residual trauma from that sin intact as well as the sins they themselves have committed, so it’s their choice to work through them or not. People with depression or anxiety take medication, if they stop, then they begin to feel symptoms and regress. By eating the sin transference from what’s been done to people through emotional transgressions, it helps them feel  _ physically _ improved so they are in a better mindset to accept help with the work they need to take on to get better, same as those needing medication to help deal with mental health problems. In both cases free will is left intact so the person is still able to decide on the best course of action for themselves. It’s not as ideal for myself as I’d like, but it keeps me sustained and I don’t have to take a life. Just as your Castiel has severed with his family, so have I. There was never any doubt for me that my way is a better way. Can you work with this explanation?”

_ A better way.  _ This struck a chord with Dean, as well as what he saw in Cas’s eyes as he’d told him she was uniquely qualified to help him. He had a soul, whereas Cas did not. Cas could sense lies for the most part, he hadn’t felt a reason to doubt her or he would’ve indicated to him something was wrong. He was tired, exhausted from pushing away the things that he knew deep down wouldn’t leave unless he damn well confronted them himself. Here was someone that wouldn’t lock him in a padded room at the mere mention of something out of the ordinary, someone who had left the most important people in her life to do what was right. If  _ ever _ there was an opportunity for him to even attempt to get his shit sorted out so he could live in a fraction of peace, it was now. He wanted that peace, as small as it may be, and he wanted it with Cas. He didn’t know what Cas had to work on, but if an angel was willing to try it for him, how could he give any less back?

He took a deep breath, “Fine...what do you do?”

Grace seemed to accept his resolve and replied, “I allow you to talk, it can be about anything you wish so long as it's a wrong or a sin you feel has been done to you. It won’t feel like anything, when you speak to me about it you are giving me permission to extract the sin transference from your soul and digest it. If it’s something you need to only get off your chest then you can have 15 minutes to rant and we’ll move on. If it's something you struggle to get past, you’ll have 15 minutes to lay it out and then we’ll begin constructively approaching how to process it. After a few meetings, if you are feeling better, then I’ll ask you to discuss a sin you have personally committed. I will not eat those, and will spend as long as  _ you _ feel is necessary to process and work through it. We can take multiple visits to work through a sin of yours if necessary. This is your show, so to speak. You are in control of what you want to fix. I can provide an ear and tools on how to continue processing safely and productively outside our meetings. This is the Dadirri we’ve spoken of. We can try a little in our meetings and you should practice outside of them as well. If you do this as I instruct, over time you’ll notice a measurable change in how you feel both physically and emotionally which will automatically spill over into the healing your soul. Are you willing to trust us?”

Dean nodded, _ Chuck give me the strength…. _

_ “ _ It’ll be of value to you if I can briefly explain what Dadirri is and how science has now verified that it helps, it works just as we’ve said it has for thousands of years. It’s at the very basic level, the practice of being aware in stillness. In this era our minds are flooded with information from the time we wake til the time we fall asleep. It’s a constant stream of knowledge and noise. With Dadirri you will learn to thrive in the stillness and quiet wherever you are. It’s preferable to practice it in the quiet of your home or in nature, away from white noise. But this listening will allow your traumas to come to the surface and face the light of day. When a trauma occurs, the neurons in one's brain are damaged, or if a trauma occurs in youth it can even prevent development depending on its severity. If you can practice kindness and love, live it and receive it through the Dadirri then there are mirror neurons in your limbic brain that will mimic and fire in the same way as the positive behavior it is witnessing or experiencing. When these neurons fire off, they wire together and eventually create new pathways that work in a manner close to the way it did before the trauma occurred. Your brain, through the Dadirri practice, can literally rewire itself and heal from the trauma experienced. This is neuroplasticity at it’s best. Are you following?”

“Sorta, sounds like the ultimate...fake it til you make it scenario.”

“Yes, but not just physically...remember I told you how durable the soul is? This can heal like our brains can, we just have to be willing to put the work into healing our hearts and our minds and the soul part will follow automatically. Between my particular technique and you practicing Dadirri, you have the potential to feel so much better and achieve the peace you’re looking for.”

“Guess I won’t be any worse off if it doesn’t work, so I’ll try it.”

“Let’s just start with the stillness. Do you meditate at home often?”

“I like to lay on my bed and listen to my iPod.”

“That can result in partial relaxation, but we need to completely disconnect with white noise and learn to be still in either natural sound or complete silence. Only then can we begin to build back up. You can still listen to your iPod as often as you want but the work I’d like you to focus on will start by taking 20-30 minutes a day to yourself, you can be alone in a room or find an isolated place in nature to just...be. Get comfortable, still yourself, and don’t look for sounds...if they are there they will come to you. Otherwise, learn to find strength in the beauty of silence. Let me know if you have questions or issues. I’ll give you my card.”

She set a timer on her phone for 10 minutes and allowed Dean to settle into comfort. He found silencing his mind difficult, and wondered why. It had been years since he’d even gone to sleep without listening to something. A decade maybe?  _ Oh.That was when I came back to Sammy and had to try like hell to not let the nightmares chase me out of bed howling. Otherwise I’d have to talk about it with an already traumatized Sammy. A solid decade of unwiring to do...and that's just for starts. Damn this is gonna be hard. But Cas was helping me for a while, it hasn’t been too bad in the last two days, but then again I’ve been a mix of nearly dead tired and stupid happy also. Alright, focus on natural sounds or silence. Creaking from the buildings wood settling, birds from outside, a gust of wind through the branches of the tree on the other side of the window. _

The timer went off, she seemed to perceive the attempt was challenging and recommended putting intruding thoughts into a balloon and sending them on their way to be considered at a later time. If the thoughts that popped in were traumatic then she urged him to firmly visualize putting them in his pocket and bringing instead a calming color to mind and remaining focused on that until any panic or fear he may feel passes.

“Guess it’s harder than I thought to just sit in silence, even when I’m not saying anything.”

“This is why it’s referred to as a practice. It’s a journey, not a destination. Very experienced people still practice, nobody is ever fully at the destination, if we were we wouldn’t be human. Let’s meet back here tomorrow, discuss a good time with Castiel and Gilrad. I have the day free, here’s my card so leave me a message as to the time, and please call with any questions and concerns. It really is lovely to meet you, I hope our time yields productive results for all, while you’re with us.”

“Sure, um...thanks. I’ll call you.”  _ Well, Cas got Obi Wan, but now I kinda like the Ancient One from Dr. Strange. _

He followed her out of the building and sat at one of the long tables in the open area, unsure which direction Cas and Gilrad would be coming from. He had been inside for an hour and new they needed to be on their way soon to the cafe for the meet up with the other hunters. He heard voices, Cas and Gilrad came around the corner from the path to Kubun, they were speaking in the Yugambeh dialect, but even Dean could tell Cas was feeling something intense. He desperately wanted to ask him what on earth he, as an angel of the lord, would have to work on. Yet he felt it would be a breach of privacy to ask, so he secretly hoped at some point Cas would be comfortable enough to tell him. He stood up and walked over to them, as the car was in that direction.

“Gilrad greeted him with a pleasant “Jingeri” and said to Cas in parting as he shook his hand, ”I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon at three, take care.”

“Well that takes care of my question, let me message Grace and we’ll both be here then,” he said as he texted. They quietly strolled to the car under the twilight sky. Stars had begun to appear, only a slight drop in temperature was felt but a breeze came through with some relief. Cas linked his last finger with Deans as they walked at a leisurely pace, both in quiet thought no doubt of what the last hour for each of them had brought. Cas drove them to the cafe, he hadn’t wanted to break Deans peace with vehicular frustrations, but he admitted to himself that he was curious about Dean's experience. He’d never push though, their future was on the edge of a knife. It was Dean who sensed the silent curiosity and simply offered, “I’m willing to give it an honest try Cas. That’s about all I can say.” Dean knew it sounded like a blanket placation, but it really was the truth. Until he gave it the honest try, he wouldn’t know of his skepticism was warranted or if it might work. He needed evidence to testify on and so far there was none.

“I’m willing to try anything for us.”

This seemed to be the magic words for Cas, as his eyes lit up he replied, “Thank you Dean, I have much faith in you.”

_ You shouldn’t, but I’m trying to be better. _

They pulled into the cafe parking lot a few minutes after nine, at the same time as two other cars. A group of men and women were milling around the sidewalk area that led around back to the falls. Cas saw Arri and headed over with Dean.

“Hey guys, glad you’re here. Thanks for those samples. Alden dropped them off, I’ll take them over to the Quest labs in Beenleigh first thing tomorrow morning. Come meet the group.”

He started with a guy who looked the same height as Dean but far more slim, almost too slim to be a fit hunter but he was there for a reason so who were they to judge? “This is Finlay, his brother Nalo is out right now but you’ll meet him later.”

Dean and Cas shook his hand, and both remembered the name Nalo from Alden’s account of his niece's death.

“Next we have Borobi,” Arri gestured toward a shorter, very cheerful looking young man, with a significant amount of extremely poofy hair. “And there’s Bobyen, or just Bob,” gesturing towards a very tall man with hair a deep reddish shade which looked odd against his darker skin tone.  “Tonight's feminine bad-assery is brought to you by Deedee, Minjei, and Julim.” The women rolled their eyes at Arri, but smiled and waved to Dean and Cas.

All three looked in excellent shape, Dean wondered if even he could keep up with them.  _ Underestimating the women hunters back home can get you killed just as sure as the monsters themselves. By the looks of them, this ain’t the time for a change in philosophy. _

_ “ _ We’re going to focus on the southern part of the park tonight. Finlay and I can take the Guanaba Creek section. Deedee and Julim take the Palm Grove forest just north, Minjei and Bob take the Joalah track of Cedar Creek and you both will go with Borobi to the upper part of Cedar Creek along North and Knoll Road to the Sandy Creek entrance.”

Cas nodded and they went back to the car for the weapons bag, grabbing what they could. Bobori came over with a few long range walkies for them. “If what we’re hunting has language and one or more of us is in a tight spot needing immediate help, the code is djairi, it means red..like code red.”

“Jeree what? Jiree, I’m sorry one more time, cuz I don’t wanna accidentally be screaming the wrong thing like ‘octopus’ or ‘nose hair’ to everyone so how do I pronounce it again?” Dean always felt ridiculous when using a different language, everything was so hard to pronounce.

“J-eye-ree, Djairi” Cas said slowly but perfectly repeating the accent Bobori had used. The man smiled widely at them, “I really can’t wait to hunt with you both, we’ve never had Americans working with us,” he said in a thick accent that sounded a good fifty/fifty of Australian and Yugambeh.

“Back home there’s often less hiking, running, and more walking, interviewing, and reading. It sounds like this part might be close to how we hunt Wendigo, so I hope we can keep up with you.”

“I’m certain you’ll be fine. It’s easier to access our area of the park tonight if we drive up to the Knoll Road Lookout Point and run south from there. I think we better take my car.”

“Yeah, this rental blows. Hoping to switch it tomorrow.”

They hopped in Borobi’s nondescript 4 door up 95 to North and then right on Knoll which ran along the park section’s edge. The platforms and lookout points had been cleared for the night, so the lot was empty when they pulled in. Strapped with knives, guns, salt, and a plethora of ‘who-TF-knows-what-else-we-might-need’ hidden on their persons they set out down a concrete path into the darkness. The park’s vibe did not change dramatically after sunset, like most places did. Dean and Cas expected it to feel ominous, yet the nocturnal sounds were no less jovial and beautiful than the daylight ones. The birds still chirped, the creek still babbled, the wind still gently touched each leaf and branch with the same caressing relief. Cas was in wonder as he gazed at the stars which seemed so much closer here, but Dean wasn’t fooled.  _ This all feels like a false sense of security, like someone or something is carefully inviting, luring you in before…. _ he shivered, remembering Alden’s horrific description of his niece's death.  _ This is some eyes to the skies, death from above type of crap. Gotta watch Bobori for a sense of which sounds are normal and ones that aren’t. Cas...got your ears on? Watch the trees man, cover us ok?  _ He heard a barely audible, “Yes Dean” from behind him.

It was just after 1 am, they had been roaming the Sandy Creek area before heading south along Cedar Creek. A few times Bobori, who took point, had stilled suddenly to listen. Dean noted any sounds or smells when this happened, but inevitably the hunter would relax and move on. Dean had plenty of questions for him but a hunt was never the time for it unless it was imperative in nature. They had been walking south, following Knoll down to North when there was a distinct difference in the motion of wind flowing through the trees. The general sound of wind was a more constant block of synchronized motion in one direction. This was as if all the leaves and branches were twisting and intertwining with one another, like wind was making swift back and forth and sideways motions. It was frantic looking in the dark, and sounded even more so.  _ Unnatural movement, a predator perhaps?  _ He saw Bobori turn around to face him with a finger over his mouth indicating they must remain silent. They stood frozen for a few moments, then the walkie for the first time that night went off with Minjei quietly alerting Bobori they had experienced the same thing a few minutes earlier. Whatever it was, had a northerly path it was taking and fast. 

“Is it the Yara?” Dean whispered urgently to Bobori.

“Very likely, you hear the difference in the trees yes?” he motioned to quickly move back up the creek the way they’d come.

Cas and Dean both nodded, the sound was becoming louder and the motion more clipped. “This is not the wind, it’s the tree spirits speaking with each other. It must be near for them to speak so loudly. We must follow now! If we can corner or catch it then the spirits can subdue it until the home spirit can kill it!”

They took off in the direction the trees were following. Fortunately it was a straight line up the road, making the path easy to run along as there was only a narrow section of trees to follow. But it also meant running much faster. Dean passed Borobi who was swerving in and out of the thick brown brush surrounding many of the trees. “These spirits are endurance runners?” Dean huffed as he continued to run.

“Sprinters, they can travel to a few surrounding trees near their own but are otherwise restricted. They’re speaking and coordinating like a vine. We could lose the path at any time, they move as the creature moves! So we must keep up!”

Dean heard him shout something in the walkie and a few seconds later “nguilli wumginu!” crackled through in reply. Dean wasn’t sure how long he’d been running, his muscles were beginning to tire. He was still following the sound of the trees when they reached a section of Knoll Road and the sound stopped dead. A second later Cas and Borobi caught up and all three were listening to the silence in panic.  _ Have we lost it?  _ Dean thought to himself while catching his breath? No sooner than the thought had passed, he heard the rustle of trees across the road, he took off like a track runner after the blank shot. The trees were even louder if that were possible, his adrenaline flooded over him and he thought he saw something leap down from a branch about 30 yards in front of him and suddenly veer left. It was too dark to distinguish a color of whatever it was but the trees seemed to follow it so he took their direction. He drew his pistol in case he’d get a clear shot to at least slow it down. He could hear Cas running, and Borobi was shouting what he assumed were directions into the walkie. This thing was certainly fast, Dean hadn’t seen anything in a few minutes but the trees he followed weren’t letting up so he kept at it. He heard a loud splash and knew they were close to Sandy Creek where they’d covered before. There was a big crevasse right before the creekbed dropped, so he’d have to be careful remembering where it was so he didn’t snap an ankle in half. He came out of the brush just above it but knew the creature had not, as the creek was narrow enough for it to jump. It must’ve tripped and fallen in because he could see it now in front of him, it’s speed increasing after recovering from the fall. It was very hard to see in the dark but not only were the trees a tremendous help but the brush was smashed as it pushed through, leaving an obvious trail. It suddenly took a hard left along the creek, sprinting on all fours. Dean raised his gun but wasn’t close enough yet to squeeze off an effective shot. He could no longer hear the guys behind him, nor was he going to turn to verify they were keeping up. This bastard was starting to irritate him and there was no way he was gonna let up. They reached a clearing where the creek still ran, south Dean thought.  _ No more trees for cover, you little shit.  _ As Dean maintained a relentless pursuit, it also occurred to him that should he lose the creature there, no trees were around to indicate its direction. He saw it jump in the creek and scurry further south.  _ Son of a bitch! _ The water would slow it down, but there were rocks strung alongside the creek that Dean could not navigate without risk of serious injury. He would have to follow the thing into the water.

He lept down with a splash, already exhausted, the water soaking his shoes seemed to add another ten pounds to each foot and he felt himself starting to lag. He would’ve used the semi flat stones poking out of the creek bed to push ahead quicker but they were just too slippery. He could barely make out another treeline ahead of him, but it was still a ways off. He kept pushing forward, sweat poured down his face and into his eyes. Breathing deeply and quickly in this kind of humidity gave him the sensation of slowly drowning, despite his best efforts to keep up with the Yara-ma-yha-who. He watched it suddenly jump out of the creek as the bed slightly widened, abandoning the water to head for arboreal cover.

Dean tried to use a long slab of stone next to the berms to leap upward from the creek but felt his left foot slip forward and his body rotated backwards. He put his left arm out to brace his fall, but his hand slipped on a mossy rock as soon as it came in contact, his elbow smashing onto another one right next to it with his full weight. The pain that avalanched after the incredibly loud  _ Snap  _ was blinding. His right calf was burning like fire, and the sweat still pouring in his eyes stung like hell. He pushed up with his right hand, noting his pistol was submerged when he did so. As he stood, he knew the hunt for him was done.  _ Dammit! Between my elbow and my leg somethin’s torn and/broken. Fuck! I can’t go home and tell Linda I’ve failed her again, I just can’t. _

He had no clue where he was, so he crawled out of the creek taking several minutes rather than seconds, seconds it would have taken him had he not fallen. Had he not lost the creature. Had he not failed. When he could stand, he looked around and felt extremely disoriented. Even in the worst situations, he could at least rely on the Dippers or Orion’s Belt in the night sky to point him in the vague direction of where he needed to be.  _ All I can see is some sauce spoon lookin’ thing and a few crosses. Where's the walkie? Awh shit...must’ve fallen in the creek dammit. Nothing to do but start walking, or...hobbling. _

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been walking, just that he was in shit ton of pain and he thought he was finally seeing street lights so that’s where he went. When he hit pavement, he saw houses to the left, nothing to the right. Left it was. Eventually, he came to an intersection.  _ Geissman and Main. Oh how convenient, a police station. Well Sammy ain’t here to patch me up, Cas is probably going bat shit crazy not knowing where I am, poor guy. Let’s see if somebody here can’t give Arri a buzz. _

Dean did his best to waltz in all not-so-banged-up, and  _ never you mind why I look like something the cat dragged in.  _ He smiled and asked the desk clerk politely to ring his friend. About fifteen minutes later Arri, Finlay, Bobori,  _ aaaaaaand _ Cas came blowing in the station doors like a celestial tornado wrapping him up in the hug that only Cas could give, with a side of “Dean! I was so worried, what happened!”

Dean did his best not to grunt when Cas had hugged him, but his angel knew something was wrong. Cas stood back and took notice that he was soaking wet, bleeding heavily from his leg, despite the towel the clerk had given him to apply pressure on his calf. His arm hurt the worst and when he tried to straighten for the first time since falling, the thing hung the wrong way, so a dislocated elbow could be added to the list. He’d already declined an ambulance twice, assuring the night clerk that his friends would see he got to hospital. He really wasn’t looking forward to the visit, as they headed out the double doors though Cas whispered so only he could hear, “Hold on a little longer Dean, I’ll have you right as rain.”  _ Wut? The last time you played Dr. Quinn Medicine Angel, Ishim nearly drained your battery for good. You got no business wasting anymore mojo on me, understand? _

Cas rolled his eyes, “Dean shut up and get in the car.”

He would’ve found the angels sass more amusing, but it hurt too much to laugh so he did what he was told. Arri told Finlay and Borobi to meet up with the next shift of hunters who were covering the northernmost section of the park til dawn, and that he would meet them a bit later after hearing the American’s report. Cas and Dean were sitting in the back of Finlay’s ancient Land Cruiser, before the hunters had a chance to join them Cas reached over and healed Dean as if it were nothing. No exhaustion afterwards, just a hint of a smug grin from his angel. Dean was outraged and about to go off on him when Cas explained, “You sustained a puncture wound to your calf that had mostly severed your achilles tendon which was beginning to curl unevenly up your leg. Your elbow was dislocated, the olecranon shattered, and three of your ulnar ligaments were badly torn. Multiple surgeries, weeks in a cast and boot, and months of physical therapy. Not to mention a trip to home sweet home far sooner than you would like, and bad news for Linda Tran. I’ll take the hit Dean.”

For the moment Dean was stunned into silence. He had questions.  _ Boy oh boy _ did he have questions, but they would have to wait untill they got back to their motel. Right now Arri and Finlay needed a report on what had happened. As they drove back to the cafe, he played back the evening for them in detail up to the part he no longer heard Borobi and Cas behind him.

“Dean you were in front of us, and had asked me to keep an eye on the trees earlier. Borobi was trying to follow the spirits’ path which suddenly veered right, just before we got back up to Sandy Creek. So we foll-”

“You mean left, it went left at the creek” Dean wasn’t sure himself if this was a question or a statement.

“No, it went right. We’re sure of it because I nearly caught up and was within about 15 yards of the creature as it jumped from tree to tree and then down to the forest floor.”

Finlay piped up, “Hey Castiel, Borobi wouldn’t shut up about how fast you were running. Said you could keep pace with a dingo, easy. Is that...normal for angels?”

Dean slowly turned to face Cas, his eyes the size of saucers. The angel refused to acknowledge him, he knew Dean would demand answers but he’d just have to wait.

“Um, no. Guess I was just well rested,” he could feel Dean's stare intensify, “When I had my wings, I could travel at the speed of light. But they’re so damaged now I don’t fly anymore. I was running at 24.2 miles an hour er, sorry 38.72 kmph. The Yara seemed to be accelerating incredibly fast when it took off to the right along Sandy Creek.”

Dean immediately stated, “I definitely saw it go left, the damn thing tore off  _ into _ the creek and I tried to go in after. I tried to catch up and get a few shots off to slow it but as soon as it went up outta the creek back into the bush I slipped on a slimy rock and busted myself up.  _ Dammit I’m gonna have to strip my pistol again. Hope it was just water and no gravel or dirt got in, gonna be such a bitch to clean.  _ Hey so there are two monsters then I guess? Could you see any bush bling on it?”

Cas tilted his head, “It had a necklace if that’s what you’re referring to.”

“That’s great. So officially we’re after Hellboy  _ and  _ Hellgirl. A paranormal Bonny and Clide, how cute. Maybe it draws extra power from the necklace and bracelets.”

“That could certainly explain it's speed. Sounds like your creature was of the normal variety since you almost had it,” he turned toward Dean who still had the exact same saucer eyes pointed at him.

They were pulling into the cafe parking lot when Arri tore off a sheet of paper he’d been writing on and handed it to Cas. “Directions to the closest hospital, you alright there?” he looked at Dean.

“I’m all good, Cas here patched me up nice and clean already. But thank you.”

“You can really do that?” Finlay asked with intense curiosity.

“Not at all the time, no. But when it’s necessary. It’s clear you need all hands on deck so I did what was necessary to keep as many of our player's on the board as possible.”

Arri shook his hand, looked at Cas with awe, and thanked him. Then he thanked Dean, and told him even though he’d still be out late tonight he’d make certain to drop off the samples at the lab when they opened. Finlay waved goodbye as the two walked to their car. Cas had the keys so after putting their weapons away, he sped down the road to the motel.

Even though he was healed, Dean was exhausted. All he could think about was a shower, the rest could be dealt with after a good scrub. He wasn’t even completely through the door before his shirt came off and he was marching to the bathroom. Cas set the big bag down and watched as soaking wet shorts, socks, underwear, and a pair of New Balance came zooming out of the bathroom onto the table and floor. He went to hang the the stuff up over the chairs and set down Dean's waterlogged pistol, when he noticed the shower door had been left open, indicating his presence was expected. Cas hoped it was also welcomed.

He promptly stripped and scurried in under the cool spray with Dean. Immediately he was pulled in close and just held, so he slid his arms around to settle at the small of his hunters back. Their chests were pressed together and they could feel their hearts slowly beating, synchronizing. Dean kissed his shoulder and collarbone softly, and worked his way up Cas’s neck and eventually to his cheek. Cas sighed, and hugged him even closer.

“I’m sorry we got separated, guess my Hellboy was a decoy of sorts. My walkie got dumped in the creek when I slipped. Otherwise I would’ve told you, or at least given you my best guess as to where I was.”

“I was so worried Dean, after Alden’s story of his niece’s attack I was afraid you’d been taken. Borobi must think I’m insane for running after you like I did when we couldn’t reach you.”

“Yeah….about that. Cas, what’s going on? How are you able to run like the celestial chariots of fire and heal all of a sudden? And without it powering you down? I mean, before we left you weren’t doing so well, now you're better? Better than before?” Dean asked, full of concern.

“I guess it’s coming in short bursts. It’s certainly not within my control, which bothers me. But if it helps kill the monster and save people, maybe we shouldn’t question it.”

Dean held the angels face in his hands, looking into those cobalt orbs he loved so dearly and worriedly replied, “The fact that you’re unsure about it and it’s not within your control is probably why we  _ should _ question it. I want you to have your powers back Cas, but only for you. I can’t imagine what these years here have been like for you. Losing your wings and powers that were as natural to you as sight and sound are for humans...well, that’s the kind deprivation and loss that changes you, forever. You never complain, never talk about it. It has to be devastating, and it’s happened because of me and Sam. You’ve sacrificed so much, I want you to feel complete again more than anything because you deserve it. You’re a Winchester too, but since when do Winchesters  _ ever _ get a break?”

Cas wistfully smiled at him, “My happiness and fulfillment have long been independent of my powers. Admittedly, it’s frustrating not being of as much use anymore. Being human was sensory deprivation on a level that’s painful to even recall, but it allowed me to feel things in ways my grace doesn’t. If I have you, then everything will be alright. Having my powers back gives me peace of mind if only for the fact that you and Sam are better protected. I’m here with you and function much like a human. But I can’t say no to a power boost when humanity is still unbelievably confusing to me and my primary instinct is to protect my humans as well as possible when I’m here.”

“Of use? You aren’t here for us or anyone else to use Cas. I know there were times I didn’t appreciate your sacrifices as much as I should have, but I didn't have the whole story either. You aren’t that hammer to be taken advantage of, not for heaven and nothere. The real you, powers or not, is everything to me and I wouldn’t want to be in any realm without you. Please know that.” Dean held him so tight, Cas could feel uncertainty and worry from him but he couldn’t feel from what, specifically. He also felt how tired Dean was and under the soothing spray of water, wrapped in the comfort of the hunters embrace, Cas was feeling himself beginning to power down. Not wanting to worry Dean unnecessarily, he urged him to wash and lay down and he followed suit when Dean left the shower with a promise he’d be out soon. When he was done, he could see Dean had stripped his gun and laid the parts on the table to dry. He slithered in bed beside Dean who pulled Cas’s leg up around his hip and brought their chests close. They spent the next few minutes enjoying gentle, slow kisses. Cas was relieved when Dean succumbed to unconsciousness first, only then did he loosen his desperate, iron tight grip on his own consciousness and allow himself to be pulled under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yugambeh Translations
> 
> Djairi: red  
> Minjei: Nguilli wumginu!/We’re coming!


	8. Chapter 8

Dean opened his foggy eyes, it was still dark outside but he felt movement on the bed next to him. Cas was facing him, even though he couldn’t see him Dean knew he was asleep. He reached for him, but saw Cas hold himself as if trying to self comfort.  _ Is Cas having...a nightmare? Can an angel even dream?  _ Cas began to shiver a little, so Dean pulled the sheet over him and tried to pull him in close but the second he touched his skin images flashed in his mind and a shock wave of energy burst from his chest. It startled him badly.  _ What the HELL was that?! Holy shit were those memories? What kind of fucked up Jedi mind trick is this?!  _ Dean  _ had _ to know what was going on, so he carefully reached out again and placed his hand on Cas’s shoulder. The current ran from his fingers up his arm, he did his best to ignore it and let the images flood him.

He saw himself, raking leaves...at Bobby’s? He felt an intense need to reach out..to say something. _These are Cas’s feelings?_ Crowley is there, Cas is conflicted, torn. _He’s feeling, protective? And regret._ Suddenly, like water splashing over a fresh painting, everything blurred. He could hear music, it was loud. Cas’s emotions ripped through him before his eyes were focused enough to view the memory clearly. Fear, _no. Anxiety. And severe awkwardness. I can see myself talking to Cas, in a bar? Oh geez, it’s that damn strip club. He’s hoping for courage from the booze._ Dean was so pissed at himself, why didn’t he understand what was so obvious now? _Cas didn’t want to be there, he felt so much like a fish out of water,he was only humoring me._ Dean saw the girl take him and felt Cas’s emotions screaming _NO NO NO NO, I_ _want to stay with you Dean! I just wanted a peaceful, quiet night sitting with you!_

_ Fuck! Why did I push him so hard? I was so damn selfish. He hates this.  _ The images blurred again, he heard a disagreement.  _ Guilt. Endless guilt. For what though?  _ He saw himself, arguing with Bobby and Sam. Cas was there, why wasn’t he talking to him,  _ why was I ignori-oh. He’s standing right next to me..I didn’t even know it.  _ Dean listened to himself defend Cas, “This is Cas guys! I mean when there was no one and we were stuck and I mean  _ really _ stuck, he broke ranks. He has gone to the mat cut and bleeding for us so many friggin’ times! This is Cas, don’t we owe him the benefit of the doubt at least?”  _ I remember how bad that hurt. But Cas is hurting too, his intent was pure and in his head he is screaming at me how sorry he is and how I’ve already been put through so much and he wants to do this so that we don’t have to. He wants to tell me so badly, he’s sorry.  _ Dean’s stomach turned from the feelings Cas had when this happened. He could feel an ache inside of Cas for  _ him. He had feelings for me then? Wait, wait, why? He hadn’t known me really well, I don’t understand. _

The memories swirled again and before Dean saw or heard anything his stomach lurched as if Superman had just round housed him in the gut. He flew out of bed and ran for the toilet, leaning over just in time to be sick. What in the Hell could’ve made Cas that ill? He felt a twinge of heartache along with it. He cleaned up, walked back to bed still somewhat queasy, and touched Cas’s shoulder again. Only colors..fractal images of colors and a presence... _who? Uriel, his tone, ugh he’d know that tone and malintent anywhere, but it wasn’t english nor Uriel's voice..what? Holy crap, true form Uriel, but I still can’t see anything! Uriel is laughing and sneering at Cas._ That dick pissed Dean off even now long dead _. But jeezus Cas was hurting. He didn’t want to go, he didn’t want this mission and they didn’t have to go this second, they could wait a bit longer. Why? “_ We don’t have to leave yet Uriel! Please let us stay! Just a few more minutes!” Dean still could only view colors, it was confusing to him. Uriel’s voice was dripping with disdain and desire to inflict pain, “Maybe if you see it for yourself, it’ll sever this _thing_ permanently.”

The next thing he knew they were outside, Cas’s anxiety and heartache had increased exponentially. He knew he would be seeing something that would give him pain, and the angel was terrified. It was a chilly, crystal clear night which meant he could see all too well the Impala, parked...with her windows fogged up and a handprint on the passenger window.  _ Was this when Anna and I..oh God please no! Cas was there?  _ Dean clutched his chest as he felt something break inside of him. He heard Cas stifle a sob next to him in his sleep and saw him clawing at his shoulders, trying to hold himself so he wouldn’t fall apart. “We didn’t need to come here yet, I told you Uriel,” Cas whispered to the other angel.

“I know. I  _ wanted  _ to. Besides, they can’t see or hear us if that’s what you're concerned about, is it Castiel? Or is there another reason for your aversion to witnessing an act we’ve seen trillions of times before? You’re not upset this mud monkey primate is giving his affections to another angel? Albeit, she’s a disgraceful, dishonorable one who understands all too well and yet proceeds…”

_ Anna why would you do this?! Even without your grace, you can see it. You know my feelings, and you have good in you. But it’s clear you are taking advantage of him!   _ “Dean is my friend, Uriel. He’s made no indication of affection other than platonic companionship. He’s made no agreement with me, or with anyone for that matter. Why do you speak of him as an adulterer?” Cas spat at him.  _ It's not his fault, he isn’t responsible for my feelings, I can’t blame him for how I’m feeling...it’s not his fault!!!  _ Cas was trying so hard to convince himself of this, in front of that bastard Uriel, all while pretending there wasn’t a cruise missile parked in his chest. Dean’s face was dripping with tears.  _ More of my last night on earth bullshit. Doesn’t matter that she instigated it. All of it came down to getting laid back then. It’s unbelievable how much pain was inflicted….by me. Anna knew how Cas felt? And she propositioned me anyways, I knew it was just a one time thing but dammit I’d never use someone like that. Oh my God Cas I didn’t know, why didn’t you say something? You’ve carried this pain for so, so long. I’ve been hurting you for years, why do keep forgiving me? _

Uriel gazed at Cas in dismay, then laughed sadistically, shaking his head.  The images blurred and he could hear Anna explaining the leverage Cas and Uriel had in place to ensure she was handed over. When she’d kissed Dean goodbye in the barn, it stung Castiel. She was rubbing salt and lemon juice into a wound she knew damn well she’d inflicted. Dean watched the images play out like a silent film, and felt how badly Cas wished it was himself kissing Dean, how fierce his anger was towards Anna. He was in awe of Cas’s strength at keeping himself together despite wanting to crumple in a ball of sorrow and lay on the ground for centuries tuning out the world. Then he felt the shame crashing down around Cas as the angel realized no matter what kind of strength and stoicism he displayed, his “family” could see how irrevocably this foul mouthed, stubborn, defiant human had changed him, led him astray in their eyes.

Dean felt sick with himself. Angry with Anna, furious with Cas, he wanted to raise Uriel so he could send him right back to the void. Why did people always keep things from him? He knew he flew off the handle sometimes, but once he blew off some steam he processed, and lately he’d been  _ trying _ to be more open about his feelings. There were so many mistakes he’d made that could’ve been avoided or handled differently, if he’d only known the whole story. Like, how much Cas had loved him from the get go.  _ How does someone love like that when they barely know the other person though? Why take on Apocalyptica Numero Dos for one single messed up person? And why not tell them how you feel?! _

But Dean knew why.  _ If Cas had come to me a year or even two years after we met with such a confession, Dean would have given him a handful of NOPE with a side of “way to wreck a friendship there buddy” and that woulda been that. But even years after that though, I still couldn’t have given him what he wanted, despite how I felt...you sir, Dean Winchester, are a colossal asshole fuck up of biblical proportions. Literally. Look at your angel here, sleeping for Christ sakes. And when he dreams, he cries in the fetal position and relives nightmares of how much he’s hurt over you. That’s just brilliant. Aren’t relationships supposed to bring out the best in you? We’re what..three days into dating and he’s just the picture of celestial health… _

Dean sat on the bed sobbing, the tears just wouldn’t cease. He was knocked breathless by the amount of pain Cas walked around with daily, yet never spoke of. All the little things he thought Cas was pissed at were just the tip of massive iceberg. Why had he not made the time to take him out and INSIST he talk? _ Because when people have tried to ‘be real’ with me I shut them out and the convo down. Huh...and I wonder why people keep things from me. Round and round and round it goes, where it stops nobody knows…..it’s got to stop. I’ve got to try to make it stop. _

He carefully got up, and trudged to the bathroom to wash his face, brush his teeth, and get himself under control. As he lay back down he held Cas, snuggling him under his chin. So many times Cas had fought and saved him, as many times he’d fought to save Cas. At some point they would be separated, permanent death in the future was inevitable. Cas would never be permitted to see him as often as they’d like in heaven  _ if at all, _ not that Dean wanted to go there, so all they had was here and now. He’d told Grace he was just trying to make the best of things here. Had he  _ really _ meant it? What would he be willing to do, to  _ change _ for this to happen? He drifted back to sleep awash in extreme guilt, sorrow, self loathing, and fear. But underneath all that, the seeds of resolve had already been planted and were starting to grow.

He woke up sometime later to Cas kissing his neck, whispering something sweet in his ear he couldn’t understand. Thoughts of all the delicious things his body wanted to be doing with Cas,  _ to _ Cas, flooded his mind….along with everything else that happened during the night. He flinched, remembering how much pain the angel had been suffering, not only in his dreams, but for years.

Cas sucked in his breath, grabbed his chest, but played it off as best he could. “Dean what’s happened? I don’t understand, why are you hurting so much?” His eyes searched Deans for a clue to what had brought on the mood.

_ Well now, how to explain this nugget… _

Deans strategizing was interrupted by a strange sound from outside.  _ Is somebody gasping for air?  _  The small noise was followed by a small high pitched yelp. They shot out of bed, Cas was already diving into the first thing he could find to throw on as Dean poked his head out the door. He heard him growl a “God dammit no, no, no!” and immediately retreated to put something on himself. “Cas it's that boy, his mom- you can help them, I’m running to the office to call for help!”  Cas decided to forgo shoes and darted out the door. A few seconds later Dean was running down to reception, hollering for an ambulance.

What Cas saw tugged at his heartstrings. A very distraught husband was on the ground holding his wife, sobbing over her, tapping her shoulders and face in attempt to wake her. He had been trying to yell for help from anyone that could hear. The little boy was kneeling beside him, face as red as a tomato with broken, high pitched cries. He pressed her limp hand over his tiny heart with his right hand and frantically waved in front of her eyes with his left. Cas sprinted down the hall and slid towards her other side, barely registering the action may have left his knees without any skin.

He immediately waved to the man for his attention and then signed, “What happened? How did you find her?” The man looked surprised and confused, wiping tears away and squinting his eyes. Then it dawned on Cas, “So sorry- Auslan, Makaton, or ASL?”

The man signed ASL, so Cas swiftly changed to American sign asking about his wife. “She was ill before sunrise, wanted to sit out here for some air.  When our son woke, we came out here to check on her and she was wandering over there in the garden, like this. I don’t understand what happened!!!”

Cas put his fingers to her wrist and waited. Her heartbeat was incredibly slow..31 bmp, he monitored blood pressure..79/40. Her skin looked like a second degree sunburn all over but it was ice cold. Her lips were so dry they had deep cracks split wide open but she was so dehydrated she lacked the fluid to even bleed. Cas signed, “She’s alive but she needs fluid and other medical attention quickly.”

The husband started to pull her up to a sitting position but Cas put his arm in front to block him. “If she sits up too quickly her blood pressure will bottom out, she’ll go into cardiac arrest. Leave her down,” he saw Dean running in the hallway towards them, nodding that help was coming, ”Dean has called for help.”

Cas looked up at him, then turned so the man could see him signing to Dean. “He says she felt ill earlier, came outside for air and a few minutes ago found her roaming over there like this.” Normally Dean would ask why in the heck Cas was signing to him too, but during his brief experience with Sam and Eileen he’d learned it was inclusive etiquette.

He and Cas knew it was a Yara attack, no sucker marks were visible but Dean was certain they’d find them during the thorough medical examination. He saw Cas tilt his head in the direction of the boy. Dean ran to their motel room instead, but came out a second later with paper and a pen.

Cas signed to the man, “Is it ok if Dean sits there with your son?”

The man nodded, then put his head on his wife’s chest as if to listen, tears fell over the bridge of his nose as his eyes closed in concentration. Cas understood he couldn't listen, but he could  _ feel,  _ it was a rope he was clinging to desperately.

Dean motioned to the boy he should come sit with him on the small patio, but he shook his head at Dean. So Dean did the next best thing and plopped down criss cross applesauce. He didn’t know how much the little boy could read so he mixed words with easy drawings:

 

**Mom has help {angel doodle}**

**Mom ok**

**Dad ok**

**Doctors coming**

 

He showed the paper to the little boy who read it, then noticed Cas’s knees were bleeding.  _ Crap, he’s got to be more careful. _ The boy looked at Dean with a suspicious frown, but pointed to  **Doctor** on the page and then pointed at Dean in question. Shaking his head regretfully he took the paper back and below it wrote:

 

**Me {teddy bear doodle} Doctor**

**Have sick {teddy bear doodle) I can help?**

 

The boy shook his head, but then his eyes popped wide in a realization  “lightbulb” and he darted to their room. Coming back seconds later with a fairly large, stuffed Goanna sporting an Australian Zoo t-shirt, the boy gave it to Dean and pointed to the seam in front of the right rear claw that had stuffing spilling out from a tear. He pointed to Dean in question, worried now about his lizard and mom. He received a smile and fist shaking up and down as a Yes! from Dean. He held a finger to the boy as instruction to wait, then he ran for the first aid kit in the weapons bag. He was back in a jiffy and wrote on the paper for the boy:

 

**His/Her name?**

 

The little boy sat with the pen and paper for a few minutes while Dean began patching up the patient with the med kit he and Sam always kept well supplied. Cas seemed to be keeping the mom stable, but concern was written all over him. Dean was a mess inside, he didn’t want to imagine this little guy losing his mom like he did. 

The boy gave Dean the paper as he finished treating the lizard.

 

**Boy**

**Pursivl**

 

Percival, Dean said aloud, and gave him back his patched up pet. Dean wrote once more on the paper:

 

**Me - Dean**

**{angel doodle} - Cas**

**You?**

**Mom?**

**Dad?**

 

The boy took the paper and held Percival tight. He must have decided Dean was ok, because he put his arm around him and plopped down in his lap, lizard and all to write the names down.  _ Nearly dead mom, wrecked husband, kiddo in Ninja Turtle jammies in my lap while I stitch up a busted lizard... Not the way I envisioned this morning going. Please, Please let his mom be ok.  _ About this time, people had heard the commotion, the approaching sirens, and began peaking out their windows and rooms. Most shrunk back inside, but two teenagers were brave enough to come out asking if they could help. Not wanting disturb the boy, he gave one of the teens his room card and asked her to retrieve their shoes. 

 

An ambulance pulled up, Cas immediately began speaking and signing her vitals, what had happened, and then fielded her personal history such as name, country, current meds, allergies, etc. The boy gave Dean the paper:

 

**You? Raylan Spade**

**Mom? Judth**

**Dad? Connr**

 

Dean signed “Thank you” and then started a game of tic tac toe with Raylan on the patio, letting him stay on his lap. The police pulled in minutes later and with Cas busy translating for Connor, Dean filled the officers in as best he could. When the ambulance was loading Judith in the back her husband became upset again, Cas assured Connor he’d drive him and his son to hospital. He jogged over to Dean explaining, “Until they can provide a translator proficient in ASL I need to go with him. It’ll help me get as much information as possible which we can pass on to Arri and Alden later.”

“No problem, lemme get your ID and phone so you can update me. Um, here..can you take Raylan to his Dad?”

Cas smiled and signed while Dean said, “My Cas is a superhero who needs Ninja Power to remember how to sign. That's how he helped your Dad and Mom, cuz YOU were here with the super turtle jammies. Can you and Percival go with him and your Dad so he can help some more?”

Raylan shook his right fist in the affirmative and hugged Dean, who hugged back and raised him a high five. He hopped over to Cas as Dean retrieved his things. Minutes later, Dean found them getting Raylan set in his booster seat in Connor's car. The man was still a wreck, his hands shook violently as he tried to buckle his son’s seatbelt. Dean helped him out, Connor dropped his head in frustration and fresh tears started to well. He signed a flustered “Thank you” to Dean and sat up front with Cas who had the car running.

“Be safe please, let me know what happens and get those knees looked at.”

“I promise” Cas said, his eyes conveying worry for Judith.

They followed a squad car out to the main road, Dean turned to a familiar and very tired looking face dressed in business attire. “Arri man, burning the candle at both ends?”

Arri sighed, “This is the first survivor, I pray she remains so. What happened?”

Dean reported the events while Arri took notes. Then he informed Dean, “We caught the decoy just two hours ago, around 5am. It caught her, threw her up and was likely looking for its tree to sleep in. It was banking on Mrs. Spade’s blood loss rendering her incapable of going far, which may have been why she was able to escape. One of the second shift hunters Jamuna, and Borobi heard the trees again above Cedar Creek Falls. They’d decided to use Borobi as bait, Jamuna waited in the bush.”

“Is he ok? Why was he still out?”

“He’s fine, a few scratches and a concussion. He was so amped up from the first shift that he volunteered to stay on. Lucky for him he’s got so much damn hair to cushion the knock. Jamuna, she’s exceptionally skilled with knives, pinned it to the fig tree as it tried to drag him upwards. Right when it dropped Borobi, she stuck him to the bark good, the Yara wasn’t far up at all from the ground so it kicked his forehead silly until she thoroughly incapacitated him. We summoned Kirra, another tribal shaman and hunter who was on the second shift so she could locate it's home tree. They called the others to help restrain and move it. Once the tree was located and the spirit completed the process she called in Gilrad and a few others to shut down part of the network to restore some of the balance in the park. They are working on this as we speak.”

“Couldn’t you guys have sliced and diced it yourself..I mean that would kill it wouldn’t it?”

“Kill, yes. It’s body. If you think a corporeal Yara is difficult to hunt, what kind of challenge do you think it’s vengeful spirit presents us?”

Dean realized it would only make things more difficult. It wouldn’t drink blood, but the mischief would cause the park to shut down. “Yeah, that wouldn’t work too well.”

“Nature has a balance, we try to keep it. The spirit of a tree has a purpose. For the health of the tree and its spirit, it should be allowed to act on its purpose which is to grow strong, protect itself and the immediate surroundings. The tree spirit works with its family to warn us of the Yara’s presence, we give it thanks for this by giving the Yara back. The spirit delivers it to a place of no return, a place we cannot go. She must have put up one hell of a fight. Jamuna said it had injuries, but not from her knives. It’s left ear was torn, dislocated shoulder, bite marks, broken nose, and it’s right eye was dangling. There aren’t many other predators that will climb that high for a meal and they’d not have the advantage like the Yara would.”

_ “ _ Have you had many survivors? I mean, what are her chances?”

“Only a few, but after others have died..alerting us to the problem. She did not look good, I’m afraid for her. The closest hospital with the emergency services she needs is Pindara Hospital over in Benowa, near the coast. It’s almost forty five minutes away, the air ambulance just left from the helipad, it could make it in as quick as 15 minutes if traffic is light. But she needs blood desperately, most of our emergency units out here don’t carry it so we’ve gotta hope the fluids they give her will be enough to get her there.”

“Will there be a hunt tonight?”

“No, ahhmm, no. We’ll be having the ceremony for Kunmanara Billin tonight. Tribal members only, per her family’s request. Why don’t you guys take the night off, catch a movie or something. But please have Castiel update me. Also, I dropped off the samples in Beenleigh this morning. Earliest we’ll hear back is tomorrow afternoon.”

“Ok, thanks for that. We’ll keep ya posted.”

Dean walked back to his room, thanking the two teenagers on the way who’d helped. He plopped down on the bed, he was so worried for Judith Spade and her family. He started thinking about how much he was missing Cas when the room phone rang. It was the reception clerk informing him the motel would be closing pending the investigation. The guests were being relocated to other available accommodations at no change in cost. He and Cas had a spot at the Witches Chase Cottages down the road, and needed to head over as quickly as possible.  _ Ugh, fantastic. The hits just keep on coming this morning. Well, Cas won’t be back til this afternoon probably, so I may as well take care of it. _

He packed them up, shoe horned the bags and himself into the not-so-smart car and toodled down to this Witches Falls place, whatever it was. It actually didn’t look so bad when he pulled up, he saw lots of little buildings, cottages.  _ Maybe Cas and I get a little more private space over here….now I’m really missing him.  _ He took care of business in the reception building and was enthused to find he and Cas were given the Rainforest Cottage. It sounded exotic, expensive, and definitely private.

He roamed the grounds until he found their spot and when he did, he thought he’d stepped into a dream. A brown cottage with a thatched roof stood before him, it looked like it had grown from the lush tropical forest itself. Nestled between the fig trees with vines swathed around it, stone steps led up to the front door which had full green leaves bowing and pointing to the entrance on either side of it. It looked..well,  _ magical.  _ He couldn’t wait to see the inside of it. He turned the key and the door opened to reveal a split level room with calming colors. The lower floor was hardwood, to the right was a small kitchen complete with an oven. The walls where a cool green with high ceilings. A red sofa was off to left facing the flat screen tv mounted on the wall above the door. He could see there was a patio leading to a small courtyard through the glass doors near the stove.

The open area had a table and chairs for outside dining and a huge double spa. The elevated bedroom area behind the sofa was roomy. The bed itself looked much bigger than the one at the motel, it even had beige tropical netting which draped down the sides. Across from the bed was a small fireplace, for the winter months and beyond that the entry to a spacious bathroom.  _ Wow, I can get used to this!  _ He remembered during check in the receptionist mentioning a few add on packages for night. And that’s when he had an idea...

He unpacked their things, fired up his laptop to start a few tasks, and headed to the office. A few minutes and text messages later he was on the road to Jobeka’s house in a rather good mood despite the morning's events. When he pulled into the neighborhood and parked, he texted Cas, since they should have been at the hospital a while ago. He found Callum working on the Malibu out back, Jobeka walked over with her customary glow and hugged him good morning, offering coffee and breakfast. They installed the heat shield rather quickly, before the heat was out of hand. As they sat eating the food Jobeka had brought out and chatted about the Spade family, they heard Alison's truck pull in.

“That’s strange, she wasn’t due for another 2 hours.”

She got out of her truck quietly, only briefly waving to them.

“How’s the morning Ali girl?” Callum asked, with a hint of concern.

“Morning’s good, I’ve just run out of steam is all,” she replied, sounding confused at the situation. “The heat’s kicking my arse a fair amount today,” she sounded drained...and pale too Dean noted.

“Alright, have a cool bath and get some ice water by your bed before you take a rest.” Callum shook his head as she walked off.

“Is this usual in the summer for her?” Dean wondered.

“Hardly, she’s got more energy than a chipmunk on caffeine no matter what time of year. Sure it’s uncomfortable here during the summer, but she’s a firecracker. Normally, can’t slow her down for nothing.”

Dean could hear the confusion in his voice as well.

“Car should be good to go, let’s get a full tank in town and see how it rides,” Callum suggested while tossing the keys to Dean.

“You sure?”

“You know your way around these plenty, figured you should take us for a spin.”

“Don’t need to ask me twice,” Dean gleefully stated.

He slid the key in and turned it over, he felt and heard it purr to life. It was a thing of beauty he enjoyed more than most things in this world. They took it down the road to fill up and it ran like it did the day it rolled off the assembly line. Callum had taken care of this piece of nostalgia with the love and care it deserved, Dean couldn’t help but smile and miss Baby. They pulled in towards the garage and hopped out, he started to toss back the keys when Callum shook his head and waved away the gesture, “Now Dean I’m not one to judge, but seeing as you share my appreciation for this era...wouldn’t you like to return that abomination on wheels to cruise around in something worth drivin’?”

“Oh hey, nah…. I couldn’t,”  _ but damn I really, really want to. _

Callum shook his head again,  _ “ _ He doesn’t get out enough, needs running a bit more often. So he doesn’t get rusty, ya know? I see how you are around the engine, go ahead. Let it loose while you’re here, please. I really appreciate your help with the starter and heat shield, with everything here. Besides if you, Castiel, or anybody else get in a jam on a hunt that clown car ain’t savin’ nobody and that’s a fact.”

Dean didn’t know what to say, except “I can’t argue with that logic. Thank you so much, I’ll be careful. Promise.”

“Sure, sure.”

Dean checked his text messages and found two. One from Cas which read:

 

**Went into arrest en route 2x.**

**On 2nd transfusion, still assessing injuries.**

**Connor/Raylan managing.**

 

To which he replied:

 

**Thanks 4 update. Keep me posted, glad you’re there.**

 

Then second text was from Arri:

  
  


**Petals-Hibiscus found in park, ash-mix of sandalwood incense, paper. Waiting on bones.**

 

Dean texted Arri back:

 

**Any writing on paper fragments? Is sandalwood significant? Thanks 4 update.**

 

“You look kinda deep in thought Dean, everything ok?” Callum asked.

“Judith Spade isn’t doing well, and we found some ‘left overs’ from a ritual of sorts over in the Mausoleum on the Witches Chase track. There were bones and things there, not sure if it's relevant to what's going on here but we’re checking it out anyways.”

“Seems like a lot on your plate. Why don’t you go rest a bit yourself. An excitable morning like you had will put you down early tonight for sure, if not beforehand.

_ Well, we don’t really want that to happen now do we? _

_ “ _ Sure you don’t need help with anything else Callum?”

“Nah, I’ve got a Lyre conservation meeting later and I want to check in on my Ali. Out you get boy!” He laughed and shooed Dean toward the Malibu.

Dean did as he was told, waved, and drove away. He made a few stops and arrived back at the cottage with enough time for a bit of Dadirri homework. He found it easier to relax in this new setting, although without his phone alarm he would’ve fallen asleep.Cas texted him just after it went off:

 

**3rd transfusion, drop in kidney/liver function, 4 broken ribs pre-ambulatory compressions, ruptured spleen, hairline fractures in C3 & C4, concussion. Have ASL interpreter via Skype from US Embassy til one arrives 2nite from Sydney. Hospital found accommodations for Connor/Raylan. Can u come get me?**

 

_ Damn, poor woman.  _

 

He replied quickly as he turned on the... _ double head shower..nice. _

 

**Showering, then coming for you.**

 

_ Oh shit that didn’t sound right dammit! Already went through. Ugh. _

 

**Dean, how rude. I’d prefer to see that in person if you don’t mind.**

 

Dean poked his head out of the shower door as he was furiously washing all over, he heard his phone and dried his hands off. He snorted out loud when he read the text.  _ This could be fun when I don’t have shampoo in my eyes.  _

 

He got an idea, took a few moments, then sent a message back, smirking in the process. 

 

**My deepest apologies, allow me to make amends. I humbly submit for your approval, the next best thing.**

 

He laughed to himself and quickly finished washing, drying himself off. He’d badly wanted to pull a solo act in the shower but Cas’s enthusiasm had him rethinking that strategy. Another text chimed in.

 

**That’s a BIG apology I’m glad to accept, may I archive this in my phone for later use? Seeing as how it’s not** **_technically_ ** **a dirty picture, but a squeaky clean one?**

 

_ That freaky bastard, always knew his Halo had a crack in it.  _

 

**As long as I am shown an example of what this “later use” looks like then sure, whatever makes you happy.**

 

He laughed as he quickly selected a pair of forest green chino shorts and a rather tight fitting black short sleeve henley. 

For Cas, he chose a comfy pair of dark blue jeans and a charcoal gray polo with orange lining under the collar. He was putting the clothes in a bag when another text message alerted.

 

**Certainly Dean, that would make me happy. I’ll just wait here, thinking about you coming for me. Drive safely.**

 

He read it and smiled, his heart swelled to think of the graveyard his life a few days ago felt like to now, in comparison. Envisioning Cas sitting on a granite bench in the shade outside a hospital, thinking about him coming to retrieve him or thinking about him just  _ coming...well either way it warms my heart, among other things.  _

He locked up and tore out of the parking lot, happy as can be Judith Spade was still alive and fighting, so happy that strength of spirit was seeing Connor and Raylan through this tough time for now, and happy to be seeing Cas soon.

Forty minutes later he pulled into the building with large white and cobalt blue tiling along the sides and cruised up to an angel who was indeed sitting outside in the shade. He cruised by with the window down and his shades on, “I’m normally not into to guys, but for you I’ll make an exception.”

Cas smiled and tried to quiet a laugh, “How do these aged vehicles find you Dean? This is Callum’s? What year is it?” he asked as he got in.

“Hey now…’it’s not the years honey, it’s the mileage’” Dean grinned, glad to convey some wisdom from Harrison Ford.

Cas got in and slid right over to Dean, kissing him on the cheek. Their eyes lit up when they looked at each other, wishing the kiss could be more but knowing  _ more  _ would have to wait.

Dean nodded to the back seat, “Brought you clothes, jump back and get changed. We might make it back just in time for our meeting at 3.” While Cas changed, Dean asked for more details about Judith.

“She’s been in and out of ventricular fibrillation all day. They aren’t sure if it was caused by the two heart attacks on the way or drug toxicity. They ran a sample of some mucus type substance they found on her skin while examining the redness and detected large amounts of phenothiazine. Can sometimes be used to treat severely agitated patients in-hospital. It’s an organic, natural antihistamine which explains the trance like state in which the few survivors have been found. Likely it’s in the Yara’s saliva so between the blood loss and the toxin, victims don’t get far and can be fed on until they turn.”

“Well that is terrifying and really gross. Arri said around 5am they’d caught the Yara I was after, but seemed like something or somebody had already gone a few rounds with it, that Judith put up a damn good fight.”

“Connor kept saying how strong she was, that she’d received defensive training all her life. I inquired and he said she was a sixth degree black belt in the art of Danzan Ryu Jujitsu. Raylan has been studying since he was four.”

Dean shook his head, “So if anyone stood a fighting chance..jeez  _ that’s  _ gotta be what saved her, until she could get close to the motel again anyway. Maybe the Yara grabbed Borobi to feed, to heal. God, I hope she pulls through.”

“She’s not out of danger by any means, her heart is significantly damaged. I did what I could without draining myself, the rest is out of our hands.”

“How’s Raylan doing? Seems like a cool little guy.”

“The man from social services took him to the kids lounge, had someone bring him McDonald’s, and they’ve been best friends since.” Cas crawled back over the seat and laced his hand with Deans. “What did you do all day?”

“Talked to Arri a bit, he got the samples in and a few results came back ahead of schedule. The petals where hibiscus which is found throughout the park, there was sandalwood in the ash. He’s still waiting on the paper and bones.”

“Any idea when they’ll have results?”

“He didn’t think he’d have any until tomorrow afternoon, so maybe then?”

“What else have you been up to?”

“Oh, helped Callum install the heat shield after wrapping up with Arri this morning and he was nice enough to recognize the injustice the rental company wrought upon us. So in exchange for my help, he insisted we enjoy his ‘precious’ and I for one, am grateful,” he said with a wink and a smile, kissing the back of Cas’s hand. The rest of the drive was pleasant, they both were thankful the Malibu had air conditioning. Dean had a few butterflies in his stomach thinking about the evening's plans, but did his best to keep them on lockdown. What Cas wanted, Cas would get and the better the surprise, the bigger the smile. For Dean, that smile was everything.

They met Gilrad and Grace at the community area. Gilrad looked tired but happy to see them. “Thank you both so much for helping the Spades this morning. They’re quite fortunate you were right there. Castiel, let’s talk inside today, shall we?” He led Cas into the building, Grace smiled at Dean and gestured for him to follow. Cas went to the left with Gilrad, Dean to the right back in the club room.

Grace sat on a couch, and invited him to do the same. “It’s been quite the time for you since yesterday hasn’t it? How you feeling?”

“I’m doing, not exactly a guy who works 9 to 5 and gets a solid 8 hours a night. So being amped and tired kinda  _ is _ my normal.”

She wistfully smiled, ”Yes, your trade does make that a constant, I’m afraid. Maybe we can help you tone it down though. You won’t run zen, but we can tune you to a point where you’re in between. You’ll field case curveballs better as well. Understandable if you didn’t, but have you done any homework during the events of the last 24 hours?”

“Yeah actually, I got about twenty minutes in earlier today. To be honest though, I’m not sure what good it did, almost fell asleep.”

“That’s perfectly alright, just like everything else there will be productive times and not so productive times. What matters is that you try. Is there anything you’d like to discuss with me?”

Dean took a deep breath,  _ there’s not enough time in the world for you to listen to half of what I need off my chest. “ _ Mmhm, something happened last night I’m not sure what or how but Cas had nightmares. He’s not even supposed to require sleep, I mean sure he’s low on mojo but...nightmares? And I saw them, when I touched his arm I saw through his eyes and felt his emotions. How he gets through each day carrying that kind of pain, is beyond me. Some of it I caused, some of it just involved me. But he has hurt over me so badly it made me physically sick to relive memories through him. My first response was to shut down. I felt,  _ feel _ so sick about how he hurts. But he and I have history, he’s saved me when there was practically nothing left to save. Knowing how long he’s felt this way for me and said nothing,  _ did  _ nothing.. he just suffered in silence all these years over me, it really hurts. His species wasn’t created to feel beyond faith and devotion, how he hasn’t broken yet I don’t know…”

Grace’s eyes shifted, darkened. She changed positions on the couch and asked, “It sounds like you reacted differently though this time maybe or you wanted to?”

“I still have this guilt over the pain I’ve caused him. I don’t know how to change that, or even  _ if _ I can. But it got me thinking about my coping strategies. The band aid solutions have worked in the past, until they didn’t. Our relationship has been through the ringer since day one, but when I think about what we’ve been through it all feels like a loop. A really messed up hamster wheel. There’s no way for me to tell how or what he’s thinking. Why he does the things he does. But somebody always ends up getting killed or hurt, and it’s usually one of us. The problem is that hamster gets in great shape, it can run all the live long day. But it never goes anywhere. The past has a habit of repeating itself, and I’m tired of dealing with the same crap, different day. I take on the responsibility of doing right by my brother, and Cas is family too so it includes him. If something is my fault then I can hate myself, I’ve shouldered blame for stuff my whole life because it's easier to know I was in control and I messed up rather than get hurt from somebody leaving me. So this wall goes up, the fewer people that look over and the fewer I allow over, the less risk there is of me getting hurt. The last year or so I really have been trying though to...talk more about how I feel, open up I guess?”

“That's a great thing, being able to identify what you can improve within yourself, and even greater to be strong enough to act on it. You mentioned though, something about not knowing what Castiel was thinking...have you been asking him about it? Opening up more to  _ him _ ?”

“Well we’ve talked on the phone more than we used to. He’s had business that took him out of town quite a bit and I miss the guy when he’s gone. So we’ll talk I guess, yeah. But some of the big stuff he’s done, screw ups, they might have turned out differently if he’d come to me or even Sam and just laid it out for us. We’ve considered him family for so long, we hoped he’d talk to us if he needed to. All I’ve ever asked him to do was to come to me when he was in a jam or wasn’t sure what to do. Whatever it was, we could’ve faced it together..two or three heads are better than one ya know? But he just...doesn’t. I don’t know why. He only ever had the best intentions, but there were times he didn’t trust me to help or even just listen. Not only did it hurt, it got innocent people and angels killed. It feels like I’m trying, I forgive him, but he won’t hardly talk about things that eat at him or things in heaven- pretty damn relevant things that occurred. He almost did once, but my brother walked in and it just got swept under the rug. Always seems like we’re jumping from the pot and into the frying pan with shit and we don’t have time to get into the heavy stuff. Meanwhile he goes and makes end of the world choices without telling us and then we’re left to wonder what’s going on but not enough time to figure it out because we’re too busy digging ourselves out of the last mess. It hurts so much when he doesn’t trust me or Sam to help him like a true family would. I’ve got no clue how to even begin fixing what broke and left us on this shit show loop.”

“You both clearly mean the world to each other, and have faced what sounds like impossible challenges. What do you feel is your biggest roadblock keeping you from having the life you want?”

“What, do you mean as far Cas and me? Or just me?”

“For now let’s focus on you. Other than the nature of your ‘work’ and its associated risks, what do you feel is worth fighting for? Give me three things you really want to have in the here and now.”

_ “ _ Saving people, hunting things. The family business. I want to be with those I love, hunting and helping others until it’s unreasonable or unnecessary to continue. If a bonus is allowed then my car, my Baby is part of my family too.”

“Alright, those are all good things to want. If a Yara, Bunyip, or Vampire threatened any of the aforementioned things you hold dear, what would you do?”

“I’d gank the bitch and dance while it burned.”

“I would too!!! Your family...this consists of your brother and Castiel?”

“Yeah, Sam and Cas. Also, my mom..we’re not having the easiest of reunions exactly, but I care about her.”

“No relationship is perfect, especially with family. You and your mom have challenges, what about you and Sam?”

“He and I are good, we’ve always been enough for each other. I’ve watched out for him, haven’t always succeeded, but I try. Then Cas came along about ten years ago. But me and Sam are ok, gonna have to update him on my relationship status when I get home though,” Dean said nervously.

Grace looked at Dean quizzically, “Are you concerned he won’t approve?”

“Nah, he’ll probably kick my ass for not doing something sooner. I’ve never brought up my feelings for Cas, beyond him being my best friend with anyone.”  _ But there was the convo in the confessional that one time. _

_ “ _ If you had to tell Sam goodbye tomorrow, and never see him again, do you think you’ve said everything to him you feel needs to be said?”

Dean took a moment..”No, not everything. There are things I want to tell him.”

“What about mom, things are rocky with her but same thing goes...would you be at peace leaving things as is or are there things you’ve been holding on to, either ancient history or recent business that you’d want to clear up?”

“.....................yep.”

“Is there anything you would want to say to Castiel?”

“…………………………………….yep.”

“You told me the afterlife realms hold no interest for you. You want to make the best of it here. Most of us have no idea when our last moment here might be, it could be tomorrow or 7 years from now. In your business, any moment could be your last. You have chosen to place importance on the here and now. Why are you waiting to say things to those you love when you can’t tell them in the afterlife? You said you’d gank a vampire and dance while it burned if it threatened those you love, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“This is an external threat that would keep you from having the life you want, and you would not hesitate to take that threat head on, correct?”

“Damn right.”

“Then what about an internal threat? What about the self imposed roadblock, threatening to keep you from having the life you want? It will take from you what you love just as sure as a vampire will. Why not work on slaying this threat too? Aren’t Sam, Castiel, and your mom worth it?”

“Of course they are. I’d do anything for them.”

“Then I’d like for you to think hard on what this roadblock is and why you’ve been so hesitant to remove it, why you haven’t fought it head on for those you love and the life you want. Continue practicing the Dadirri tomorrow. My schedule is tentative, I’ll text you when the day firms up. Do you have any questions for me?”

“Not right now. Thanks.”

“Then let’s conclude for this evening, alright?” She stood up and gestured for him to follow.

They walked out to the community area, Cas was sitting at a table deep in thought, or maybe discussing work ethic with an ant...Dean never knew.  _ But I want to.  _ He thanked Grace and sauntered over to his favorite celestial. “Ready to go?”

Cas looked up from his thoughts, as if startled, “What's the plan?”

“Date with an angel, if that’s alright?”

“That’s alright,” Cas grinned and his eyes twinkled. He held Dean’s hand as they walked to the car.

 


	9. Chapter 9

They drove down the Main Western Road for a few minutes and reached a crossroads of sorts. Dean pulled into a place that looked like a large lakeside residence, it was dark brown with a big green sign that read “Clancy’s Irish Pub & Grill”. It had a spacious patio with outdoor dining and white lights dangling from the rafters, they reminded Cas of Christmas lights which he loved to look at. Inside was a warm setting of wood tables and multi colored chairs, and a bar in the center of the main dining area. They decided to sit on the patio, because Dean had seen Cas ogling the lights.  _ They do set a nice mood.  _ A cheerful waitress approached and took their drink orders. 

Cas was fidgeting, “Dean I’m not sure what to do, from what I’ve seen there are so many different ways to have a date.”

“Relax Cas, wanna know how many times we’ve already done stuff that could easily be considered a date? It’s a meal usually, or a just a drink. You talk with someone you’re interested in, find out more about them. Then there can be another activity afterwards, like mini golf or a romantic walk around sunset. And maybe even more after that depending how things are going,” Dean winked at Cas.

“Oh. I’m looking forward to whatever you want to do then,” Cas’s ears turned a little pink. The waitress brought over two pints of Beamish and handed them menus. They sipped the beer, Dean sighed, “Ah just as good as I remember!”

Cas tilted his head, squinted his eyes which made Dean laugh. “Back when Sam was at Stanford and we were on our way back from a check in on him, he wasn’t aware of those, but anyways uh..we drove through Sacramento and stopped at a British pub, uuuh the Bonnlair, and we tried this stuff. Has kind of a coffee after taste but not bitter, haven’t seen it offered many places but when I do I get a pint. How’s it taste?”

“It’s interesting, creamy but not bubbly like the beer you and Sam usually get.” They looked at the menu for a bit, the waitress appeared and mentioned the specials, “We’ve got shepherd's pie, also lamb and roasted vegetables.”

“I’m definitely going with the steak, you Cas?” Cas usually ordered something he knew Dean would like so he could steal from his plate. Tonight however, since Dean was treating him to this experience, he decided to actually partake of the cuisine. “I’ll try the shepard’s pie please.”

“Alright, more beer?”

“Keep’em coming” Dean said enthusiastically.

“So why don’t you ever eat Cas? Does your mojo wipe away the vessels hunger? Does food taste weird? Guess I never really asked you before.”

“I don’t ever feel hungry, my grace is constantly refreshing Jimmy’s body, nourishing it I suppose. Also, it does kind of taste strange. Without my full powers I can get a better sense of what things taste like, but with full mojo all I get are the individual molecules...I’m unable to really get the sum of all parts..the flavor. Not to mention, I’m really not a huge fan of the digestion process. It’s absolutely disgusting. I don’t how humans aren’t insane from having to urinate so often. It was the most annoying thing about the experience.”

Dean figured now was as good a time as any to see if Cas would finally vent a little. “What else bothered you about it?”

“Toothpaste-the stuff tastes terrible,  _ needing  _ to sleep was horribly inconvenient, showering and changing clothes everyday. Figuring out how to not mess up the only clothing you have in the laundry, being hungry but not having a kitchen to prepare fresh meals, not knowing  _ how  _ to prepare meals, not having my own spac-Dean...why are you blocking me?”

“I’m listening, Cas. Just listening.”  _ Chill out, breathe deep, just listen. DON’T REACT. “ _ What about anything good?”

“I guess, feelings? Even when I had all my powers, I felt far more than my brothers and sisters. I wasn’t aware until I was human that it was possible to still feel so deeply. Some emotions were incredibly confusing, I still struggle to define them. Some were awful, I understand now why people use the term heartbreak. But as difficult as it was to manage those feelings I wouldn’t trade them for anything because I experienced the positive emotions with no less intensity. I felt joy more completely than as an angel, amusement, wonder…..and love. So even though it wasn’t always good, it was an experience worth having. Like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

“Cas, I’m glad you told me this stuff. I want you to tell me things, anything really. It’s all I’ve wanted, to know what's going on with you and how you feel about it. Will you promise me something?”

“Of course Dean, anything.”

“Humans may have more practice managing feelings but we still struggle with them too. Prime example right here,” Dean said pointing to himself, “but I’ve been trying work on it. If you’re talking to me, can you focus less on my reactions and more on what you’re needing to talk about? You can’t control how other people feel. When humans talk, most of us don’t know what the other is feeling, we can only guess. So if I’m giving off vibes that bother you, ask me about it when you’re done unloading the weight of the world on me. Trust me to speak up if there’s something I want to say.”

“You mean like over the last ten years that you’ve struggled with the nature of your feelings and failed at hiding them from me, yet said nothing?” Cas’s tone was still soft, it was a sincere question not meant to antagonize.

Dean was stunned into silence, backed into a corner.  _ Shit.  _ Cas wasn’t trying to be hurtful and Dean knew it, but it was a valid point that stung no less. He looked into the face he’d come to rely on and feel so much for.  _ This would be far more comfortable in total privacy, but I did kind of set myself up for it. It’s not an argument, shrinks probably call this ‘effective communication’ or some crap. This is the stop where I normally disembark from the feelings train, but it needs to play out. I want him, I want to be happy. _

_ “ _ I wasn’t aware you knew or even reciprocated until a few days ago. I suspected, and after a while even began to hope. I really have been trying to figure myself out, use my words more. I’m sorry it took so damn long. Grace wants me to figure out why I’ve left certain things unsaid with people I care about. She has a promise from me to try, if an answer does come, you’ll be the first to know. But better late than never, am I right?”

“Yes, I’m glad you’re with me now. These last few days have been the best of my existence. Tonight will be as well, I’m certain.”

Cas made those heart eyes at Dean which had him melting. The waitress came with their food which smelled delicious. The cuisine was fantastic, Dean tried the shepards pie and decided he needed that recipe too, this time for himself. Cas was able to eat most of it and found it quite tasty. But of course when he was finished, as per usual, Dean’s fork somehow found it's way over to ensure the angels membership in the Clean Plate Club.

Dean for once, couldn’t fit another bite of food in his belly. He took care of the bill and then they were off to the next adventure. They walked to the car and Cas opened the passenger side to get in, but stopped when he saw Dean pull out a blanket and a couple of fold up chairs out of the trunk. The sky was going to be dark soon, he couldn’t fathom what was planned, but was happy to play along. Dean was sporting a knowing smile but was keeping his mouth shut. They walked across Geissman Drive to the Tamborine Visitors Center. A few other people were laying down blankets or carting chairs around too. Dean found a spot he seemed to like and just as the others were doing, he set up the blanket and chairs to face a covered picnic area that rested in the middle of a grassy slope. Then Dean motioned to the visitors center building, they walked passed it through another small section of park.

“What’s this?” Cas wondered.

“More homework, it’s another area we can familiarize ourselves with while we wait for the night part of date night to arrive. Plus I needed to walk off dinner.”

“I’m quite curious,” Cas replied.

“About?”

“For one- why you didn’t leave room for dessert. It’s very unlike you, should I be worried? And two- what’s involved in the night part of date night.”

“I’m making room for dessert right now, which will be one of a few treats included in phase two of date night.”

They walked around the rest of the small section of park in silence. Cas always did prefer quiet enjoyment in nature, they used this time to still their minds. After a while, when the sun had set and the sky was slowly revealing a breathtaking array of stars, they began heading back to their spot on the grass. Cas became even more confused when he saw park service employees finishing the setup of large speakers behind the collection of people sitting on the slope facing the picnic area. There was also a bonfire going in a pit he hadn’t noticed before to the left side of picnic tables, and a large projector screen had been placed in front of the eating area. He was just about to ask Dean what it was all for as they sat in their chairs, when Dean chimed in with an explanation.

“This, Cas” Dean said as he gestured in a grand manner to the whole setting, ”is what’s referred to as a ‘Movie in the Park’. We have them back home too. The Tamborine Visitors Center hosts a movie night every week during summer, they encourage locals and tourists alike to enjoy the region's night sky by bribing the community at large with food and entertainment. It’s always a family friendly movie and tonight they’re showing one of my favorites. I opted out of dessert at the pub because here they have a bonfire, and it’s practically a universal constant that where there’s a fire...there’s  _ S’MORES.”  _ Dean was grinning ear to ear like a kid in a candy store.

Cas simply  _ adored  _ Dean giddy like this. It seemed his inner child was shining through, the child that should’ve had far more of these nights instead of those he spent watching Sam in a motel room or out on a hunt somewhere.  _ This is so good for him!! Pure, happy experiences!! His soul shimmers brighter when he’s excited like this. _

Cas smiled widely, “I don’t know what smurfs are but I’ll gladly try them. What movie is playing?”

“My favorite when I was a kid, _The_ _Goonies._ S-more-s Cas. You’ll see in a bit, they’re melt in your mouth goodness.”

Cas pursed his lips and made a speculatory facial expression, “Hmm. Rag tag group of humans set out to find relics that would help people they love, are chased relentlessly by evil villains who are after those same relics for their own nefarious purposes, and against impossible odds they manage to win the day... _ Nope _ , not really seeing what the appeal is to you Dean.”

Cas let Dean look at him in horror for a few more seconds to savor the moment. Then he pleaded with him, “Just tell me I’m not Chunk, kay?”

Dean's eyes widened and then a huge grin spread across his face. “‘Ya know, your voice is kinda nice when your mouth isn’t screwing it up.’ ”

Cas shot back with, “‘Yeah and your looks are kinda pretty, when your face isn’t screwing it up.’”

They both started roaring with laughter at once. “Your sarcasm is getting better man. And Hell no yer not Chunk. You’re Data.”

“I thought Sam would be Data since you always call him a nerd.”

“Nope. You’re my nerd. Sammy is Brand, the freakishly tall brother trying to take the fun outta everything. We’ve had a grenade launcher in the trunk forever and he always says no. The punk is everything to me but dammit, sometimes he needs to lighten up. Crowley’s Chunk. Or at least Chunk if he were sent to a demonic Hogwarts. How do you know about the movie anyways?”

“A gift, as part of my pop culture download, courtesy of Metatron. But I haven’t actually seen the movie. This pleases me, getting to watch something that makes you so happy.”

_ Grrr that smile of his is amazing! I wanna kiss him so bad right now! Buuuut here come the trays and trays of s’mores! _

_ “ _ Hey! Here comes dessert! Let’s grab some,” Dean sprung up from his chair and pulled Cas up with him.

Only a few people had congregated around the trays, a sign in between them said, “Two per person please”. Dean grabbed two roasting sticks with double prongs.

“Alright Cas, another teachable moment for ya. Grab four graham squares, two chunks of chocolate, and two marshmallows, then follow me.”

Cas did as he was told, watched Dean set his up, and did the same. “Now everyone likes their marshmallows different. Personally I like’em burnt. But most people like them squishy on the inside, browned on the outside. So hold them over the fire, but not too close. Wait til they get nice and plump, then put them close enough they catch fire and then blow them out real fast.”

Cas enjoyed watching the white puffs swell in the heat of the bonfire. He was careful not to burn them too soon. Dean had already scorched his to charcoal and slid them off in an already prepped graham.

Setting them aside he got Cas’s ready, “So you take the cracker, put the chocolate on, then cover the marshmallows and slide them off in between like a sandwich.”

They passed on the roasting sticks to a couple kids and walked back to their chairs. Dean handed Cas the crackers of chocolatey gooey goodness, “I present to you..the s’more.” The angel could tell how much his hunter was hoping for a positive reaction, so he did his best to put on his “fake it til you make it” face and took a bite. At first, it tasted like cardboard even as it slimed all over his mouth. But then, like magic...the molecules fell in place and he could actually get a great sense of what Dean had so highly praised!

“This is really, oh my..mmmm”

Dean smirked and said proudly, “It’s good isn’t it? Heh, heh, heh...yer welcome.”

Normally Cas would simply hold onto a food item and hand it over to Dean before the question, “You gonna eat that?” could even be raised. Tonight, there weren’t even crumbs left over. The angel actually licked his fingers, surprised at the stickiness those “white puffs” left behind. He watched Dean eat his and wondered which he was hungry for more: another s’more or Dean's mouth. Cas watched as his hunter licked off the marshmallow goo from his hands, which triggered an avalanche of pornographic images involving those perfect lips, that tongue, and a whole lot of Cas anatomy. Dean had only gone through one s’more before realizing there was an insanely hot angel looking at him like he was apple pie.  _ What the hell man? _

_ “ _ Damn Cas, which do want more, me or the dessert? And be careful how you answer, cuz one of them you’ll have to fight me for,” Dean warned, shaking his finger at him.

_ Family friendly event! Family friendly event! Family friendly event!  _ Cas snatched the dessert out of Dean's hand so quick the hunter barely registered its disappearance until Cas’s cheeks were puffy like a chipmunk from eating  _ HIS dessert.  _ At first Dean laughed, he’d never seen Cas hork down anything that fast, minus the disgusting beef fest from when Famine rolled through town. But then he felt a little rejected, since when did Cas choose food over, well..anything?

Cas noticed and leaned over, “Sorry Dean, I wanted option A but children are present.”

Dean stifled a laugh with the back of his hand. He noticed the movie still hadn’t started and it was pretty dark out. Leaning in to Cas, he laid on the best grade B smolder he could command and in a deep voice said, “Gimme some sugar baby.”

The angel nearly choked on the graham cracker when he began chuckling. He finished munching quickly while holding up a finger for Dean to wait. Then he leaned toward Dean, wore that serious expression he responded too so well, and replied “Come get some.”

Dean did, and Cas’s lips were so sweet. The spark flared almost painfully, for both of them. It had been less than a day since either of them had felt the tender pressure of each other's lips, the soft dance of their tongues. Dean’s heart went flip flop and suddenly he wished everything and everyone from the park was  _ gone _ . All he wanted was the blanket, the stars, and a naked angel completely tangled up with him. That was all, just to be wrapped up in the angel's iron embrace under an infinite amount of burning spheres that would eventually go supernova trillions of miles away and leave nothing but a brilliant silver trail in the night sky. It took  _ everything  _ Dean had to stop kissing Cas.

“Freakin’ Bruce Campbell man, the guy’s a genius. Raimi’s Army of Darkness is classic! At least Meta douche had decent taste in grade B movies.”

“I have a confession to make Dean,” Cas said shyly.

“‘Fess up then, let’s hear it.”

“I want both.”

“Bruce Campbell and Raimi? I’ll try some freaky shit once in awhile but uh...no thanks. Uh..I don’t judge though..” Dean croaked and cleared his throat.

Cas rolled his eyes, “I meant you and the s’more assbutt.”

_ Oh thank fuck. “ _ Well now, we aren’t mutually exclusive..” Dean revealed giving him a seductive wink.

“Is there something wrong with that?”

“Nope. Yer a freak and it’s all shades of awesome. Don’t ever change.”

“Why is it called a s’more Dean?”

“I dunno...maybe cuz they’re so good, after you have one you want s’more,” he winked at Cas and kissed his cheek as the movie started.

Cas grabbed the legs of Dean's chair and in one swift move pulled it right against his own like in an actual movie theater.  _ I wonder if I’m the only person in the world who wishes there weren’t any chair arms between us so I could snuggle with Dean like this was a couch... _

The movie made everyone laugh, even Cas couldn’t help smiling because he watched Dean during the parts he knew would be his favorite. Instead of Dean watching them for probably the 33rd time, he watched the kids nearby, enjoying their first reactions to those favorite parts. He loved how Dean found delight in others happiness.

When the movie ended, they gathered their things and made their way back to the car. The stars shone so brightly, there was almost no reason for headlights on the road. They pulled into the cottages and Cas of course was perplexed.

“Oh did I forget to mention the motel is closed during the investigation? We’ve been upgraded….” he said in a pleasant tone.

Taking Cas’s hand in his own he leaned into him, the weight of them together closed the passenger door. They were still for a moment, hunter and angel gazing into the beautiful eyes each had fallen for. Dean bestowed a single, chaste kiss on Cas’s lips and smiled knowingly. Then he towed Cas behind him to their new serendipitous paradise, maneuvering the path by memory and starlight. Cas followed, most curious to see this new place. The moon's rays fell on Dean as he unlocked the door to the cottage.  _ Well, here goes nothing. _

_ “ _ Welcome to phase 3 of date night.”

Cas was sure his heart fluttered as they walked in. The room was somewhat dark, but the pale green walls flickered and danced all over with candle light. The cottage smelled like a crisp ocean breeze.

“Wow, this is...”

“I know. Not too shabby, right?”

Cas walked over to the sliding glass door to pop his head out, admiring their little private area. He closed the door, kicked his shoes off next to Deans and meandered up to the next level to examine the most important part...the bedroom. Champagne was chilling in the corner, next to a dresser with a sound system on top. He stood at the foot of the bed, admiring its size and how the netting draped around the edges. Dean climbed the few steps, Cas suddenly heard a ‘click’ of something turning on nearby and felt a hand softly rest on his right hip. Gentle kisses started at the back of his neck and wound around to the left side. Dean lingered there, matching light kisses to his pulse. Music started playing, Poison’s _Life Goes On. The upgrade continues to pay off._ He let Dean take his time as the other hand grazed his hip underneath his shirt, slowly snaking its way to his stomach just above the first button on his jeans. Dean moved in front of him and slid both hands to the swell of that amazing angelic butt.

Cas’s smile reached his eyes and he whispered, “Thank you for the date, it was..it  _ is  _ wonderful.”

_ Ah there’s my smile.  _ Dean placed his forehead against his angels. It was his grounding gesture, something he needed.  _ What does he need to collect himself for I wonder?  _ But that thought went out the window and off to Neverland for all he knew, because Dean looked at the angel with eyes that could set the room ablaze. Exercising control that only came from years of experience, Dean slowly brushed his lips against Cas’s. They were sweet kisses,Cas could only feel the lightest sweep of his tongue like an afterthought. Their chests were pressed together and the current that accompanied any and all lip locks between them pulsed outward to run along the skin of their arms. Cas desperately wanted to rip Dean's clothes off, push him onto the bed, and make him scream unholy things but he wasn’t in charge tonight. So he held his hunters face carefully, because if his hands could roam they’d move far too fast.

The kisses deepened, the tip of Dean's tongue was coaxing Cas’s to come out and play. When it did, the angel felt a pair of hands inch his shirt up, up, up, and off, then Dean's decided to follow. All of that warm skin was now pressed against him, gentle hands roamed down his back, and a hungry mouth was tempting him. Dean stepped back without breaking their kiss and tugged Cas with him by his belt loops until he felt the bed behind him. He kissed Cas along his jawline and back down his neck. He gently bit along the collarbone, tapering the bites back to kisses as he moved down his chest. Sitting on the bed, he pulled Cas’s hips forward so he was standing between his knees. He showered the angels stomach with dozens and dozens of kisses, some of which would still be there in the morning. Dean smiled at that thought and began kissing lower and lower. When he got to Cas’s hip bones, he felt a hand delicately touch his face as he began unbuttoning the jeans he’d looked sooo good in all evening. His heart raced as he undid the last one, and looking up at Cas he hoped his angel was still onboard with everything. Dean found the same fire that was burning in his own eyes gazing back at him.

He turned his head to hold and kiss his angels hand that had been lingering on his face. His mouth caught Cas’s thumb, drawing it in with his tongue, he lightly sucked. It was like a question, the way Dean looked in his eyes as he did it. He could almost hear an audible click as the lightbulb went on and Cas’s pupils went kablooey.  _ Oooh he gets it.  _ At that point control went out the window, Dean pulled Cas onto his lap, grinding their hips together and running his fingers through his hair. His angel had gotten the message loud and clear, as he kissed Dean back he sucked on his tongue in the most sinfully delicious way that had both of them almost finishing right then and there.

_ This can’t happen yet! No!  _ Dean chided himself and stood up, holding Cas around him, he turned to face the bed and playfully tossed him on it. He yanked the jeans and underwear off the angel. Three seconds later both of their clothes were tossed to  _ seriously-who-the-fuck-cares?  _ and Dean was crawling over the angel like a panther ready to devour him. Cas began kissing him with an intensity which borderlined on violence. He squeezed handfuls of the hunters perfect backside and pressed his painfully hard erection against Deans for relief. The current was buzzing all over them now but in more mild pulses. Between that, music, candlelight, Cas,  _ all  _ of Cas grinding against him, Dean involuntarily rolled his eyes in pleasure and growled  from deep in his chest. His hips pushed back against the angel, rubbing them together, and both of them felt that higher-than-a-kite spiral tighten deep inside their belly’s.  _ No no no, not yet!  _ Dean pulled himself off of Cas, gasping in complaint but lying to the angels side still kissing him. Cas was in no mood to detangle so he tried to stay glued to the deliciously firm body by wrapping his left leg around him.

“Relax Cas. Just cooling my engine,” Dean whispered against his angels lips.

He pushed Cas’s hips down so he lay flat on his back, his knee falling open on the bed.

Then very slowly, trailing his fingers from that knee down the inside of his thigh Dean added while rubbing their noses playfully, “Don’t worry, I know what you want.”

His fingers teased as they inched closer and closer to the stiff erection which lay on the soft skin below Cas’s belly button. Each time they came close and his angels abdominal muscles would tighten in delicious anticipation, Dean would back off and run his fingers in another direction. It was obvious how much it drove Cas crazy, he’d try to tilt and twist his hips so that even a part of Dean's hand might brush against him. Each time he did this he was punished by a hand returning him flat on the bed, and starting over at the knee. Dean felt Cas had suffered enough when he began whimpering and noticed a fair amount precome pooling on his tummy. So he carefully gripped his cock at the base and started a sweet, slow rhythm. Dean matched his kissing to his hands movements and pace as best he could. 

Cas’s hands were around Dean’s neck and through his now spiky hair. He’d nearly lost his mind from Deans teasing but now that a warm, loving hand was squeezing and tugging in a  _ very  _ nice way he let out an obscenely contented sigh.

He could feel Dean grinning through the kiss right before the hunter hummed against his lips and said, “Hey Cas, I’ve noticed how incredibly sensitive you are riiight..here..”

Until that second Dean had refrained from letting his hand travel all the way up to the tip, but he issued those words on the up stroke and brushed the tip softly with his thumb. To his delight, Cas shuddered and moaned into his mouth.  _ Aaah,that’s what I thought. _

Dean’s heart was racing even faster as he mercilessly continued the steady tugging and brushing movements that were causing Cas to come undone.

After a few moments his voice was a bit lower, possibly from nerves, but he vowed to not let them get the best of him and said,  _ “ _ So I figure if my hand feels that good, imagine how awesome it would feel in my mouth…”

Cas didn’t have time to respond before Dean was kissing him again.  _ Oh wow, Dean is soooo good at this. What’s he doing with my tongue? Is..is he doing..oh Jesus! Dean, THAT'S what you want to do if it was in your mouth? Ooooh...Yes yes human, you may proceed…. _

Dean took Cas pushing into his hand for more as a distinct, “Hell yes” and began kissing down his neck and chest. He looked up into the angels cobalt eyes to make sure one last time he hadn’t misread,  _ oh please be on the same page as me. Jeezus this is nerve wracking. Please want this, cause I want this with you so bad.  _ What he saw melted his heart...Cas’s hair was sticking out every which way in tufts, his cheeks were flushed, he was biting his lower lip which was already swollen from the fantastic kissing, pupils were blown, and he briefly nodded at Dean.. _ ah HELL, there it is, that look. Like someone's already fucked him silly and he couldn’t be happier. That was me. Hot Damn! I did that! Ok, I can do this…. _ The Poison song ended and Berlin’s  _ Take My Breath Away  _ came on.  _ Fuckin’ A, I can definitely do this. Thank you Pete Mitchell! _

Dean peppered the angels chest with kisses, and nipped at his ribs...that was when he discovered Cas was extremely ticklish.  _ This is just too freaking adorable. Damn that trench coat hid so much from me! _ His mouth happily continued its path south to those incredible hip bones, he couldn’t help but linger there..listening to Cas’s breath begin to uneven. Dean's hands roamed from his hips to his firm thighs.  _ Jimmy must have been really into biking, jeez I never noticed how athletic he is. Again..those tax accountant threads don’t do him justice. Mmmm damn, we’re just gonna have to start putting some of that thrusting power to work.  _ He kissed down the tight muscular path farther south, slithering his right hand underneath Cas’s thigh and around to rest back on his hip so he could still his angel when he inevitably started twisting and squirming.  _ Ooooh please don’t let me screw this up. _

He began his torturous assault on the angels cock by leisurely swirling his tongue around the tip and applying more pressure to the nerve bundle just below it. A full body shiver rippled it's way through Cas and his breath was ragged. With each circular swipe of his tongue the angel wriggled and grunted, causing Dean to keep his hip firmly pressed against the bed. He kept up the swirling and tempting until Cas was nearly a whimpering mess. Wrapping those perfect lips around the head he began sucking gingerly at first, then harder as Cas started groaning and grasping for pillows, sheets, the bed frame..whatever he could hold on to.  _ Hey Mikey, I think he likes it...christ that's hot just how much he likes it.  _ Dean had a fleeting moment of panic and then it was gone. He couldn’t figure out what was more strange...the fact he was giving a blow job or that he wasn’t freaking out over it. But he quickly decided it didn’t matter because watching Cas fall apart under his effort and care connected them at a deeper level, made their bond stronger. That sensation in his chest was ever present now, especially in these physical moments and the pulsing, bottled mist felt like it was expanding or swelling. Unlike anything Dean had ever felt, it made him happy...really, truly, completely happy.

He realized Cas couldn’t keep still, he was trying to behave but he wanted and needed more. So he slipped his hand under the angel's ass giving it an enthusiastic squeeze. He could feel the stomach muscles shift and tighten under his other hand as Cas started rolling his hips carefully, slowly, sliding himself a little deeper in his mouth. Dean nudged him a bit, encouraging Cas to keep going. His eyes had been closed up to this point in concentration, but when Cas opened them Dean saw they were already glowing slightly. As if he wasn’t rock hard enough from what was happening, seeing Cas’s angelic reaction to what he was doing to him was like getting an injection of Insta-bone right into his bloodstream. Looking at the angel on his back, breathing hard, gently taking advantage of the mouth offered to him, and seeing his eyes light up in pleasure, well it was pretty much the most divine thing Dean ever laid eyes on.  _ Can you hear me Cas? _

_ “ _ Mmhmm” was all Cas could manage.

_ Keep going, it’s fine, more than fine. Please don’t stop, this is awesome.  _ Dean meant every word of it and couldn’t help the growl that ripped from his throat. The sound vibrated right through to Cas who felt it like a mild jolt of electricity he never knew he wanted. He couldn’t control the erotic groan that spilled out of his mouth and his hips rolled deeper. Dean was functioning in a hormone induced haze, wanting Cas to give him even more.

As Cas slid his length between Dean's lips his eyes shone even brighter. Watching Dean blissfully welcome him deeper was nearly overwhelming, the hunters evident primal craving for it was down right breathtaking. He couldn’t hope to imagine this even a week ago. Dean was taking almost all of him, but he was still moving carefully. Cas didn’t know which was more erotic, watching himself glide in and out of Dean's mouth or seeing how much enjoyment his hunter was getting out of it.

Cas found a pace that was juuuust right for them both, it was clear by how the lights began flickering,the flat screen tv came on with a ‘pop’, and the microwave dinged.

Before it got out of control, Dean slid his right hand from Cas’s hip to his chest, pausing over his heart. The angel placed his hand over Deans.

_ Focus on yourself Cas. Don’t worry about anything except feeling good. _

_ “ _ Mmmmmmm…..” His undulations became more shallow and quick, allowing Dean to suck harder on the super sensitive areas which in return, had the angel giving him an even quicker pace. Cas’s muscles tightened again and suddenly he was gasping Dean's name.

_ It’s ok angel, cum for me, you need this. _

Cas was so close, he tried to pull Dean off of him.

_ Mmmhmmm, nuh-uh. Are you freakin’ kidding me? Don’t you dare, I want this Cas. Give it to me, c’mon. _

Cas grabbed the headboard behind him with his left hand, a handful of Dean's hair with his right...carefully holding him in place, while his hips convulsed he groaned so loud all the windows in the cottage shook. A loud  _ CRACK!  _ resonated through the room. The angels eyes shone brightly as hot pulses hit the back of his hunters throat, giving him exactly what he wanted.

Cas continued sliding in and out of Dean's mouth at a slower pace as the pulses lessened. Dean hummed appreciatively, he seemed utterly euphoric at the fact he’d made an angel cum so hard that... _ the fucking headboard broke? Oooh my God, ha ha ha! That’s awesome. Aaah I really don’t care right now.  _ Cas was continuing his achingly slow pace, even after there couldn’t have been a drop left in him and most guys would be screeching like a pterodactyl from oversensitivity.

_???Wut Sorcery? Are we going for a round two? Holy shit. He’s still perfectly hard, I’ll be damned.  _ Continuing to ride the adrenaline high from round one which, minus the flavor he now felt girls had every right to complain about but that was still doable, he was definitely calling date night a success. He briefly wondered to himself if angels could cum so many times and/or so hard that they walked funny the next morning. With Cas maintaining a delicious pace, Dean was determined to find out. Aside from ignoring his own now painfully swollen erection, he thought he was in heaven spending the night this way with his angel.Then he vaguely heard Cas breathlessly pleading about wanting something in his mouth too.

_ It would be rude to deny such a polite request, wouldn’t it?  _ Careful not to kick the headboard lose anymore than it already was(and he was  _ not _ gonna let that go without some teasing), he adjusted himself accordingly on the wonderfully capacious bed. Getting comfy on his left side he pulled Cas over to him and kissed his tummy. His angel did the same before attentively taking him in hand. Cas learned quickly that while so far he enjoyed gentle stimulation, Deans responses indicated a preference for affections that were marginally more rough. Each of them were content to show the other the pace and intensity they were after in the moment. Up til now Cas always thought his favorite part of Dean anatomy was his ass, especially on those rarest of occasions when he wasn’t hidden under three layers of lumberjack fashion, but just a t-shirt and jeans. But now that his hands were indulgently full with that glorious accessory, he brushed his lips over the tip of Dean's cock in a feather light kiss and followed that up with a sweep of his tongue.  _ Definitely a contender for my new favorite body part. _ Dean hummed in a pleasurable response, which returned back to Cas in a vibration that went all the way down the length of his dick to the base of his spine.  _ Dean and I will never leave this room again. We’ll forget monsters ever existed, I’ll nourish him with my grace, we won’t need to say the word underwear let alone wear any ever again. _

Cas had done enough “research” on sex to know some basics, for example if he relaxed his throat then this next part would be easier. When he did just that, a gloriously sinful sound emanated all the way from Dean’s soul. He’d never heard a human make that sound, but he wanted Dean to make it over and over again. He slid Dean in his mouth like before, and got the same sound. This hunter had no idea how happy he was making him just from resonance alone.  _ Oh my God Cas..ah, damn that feels rrea...uh..really great. _ He kept the rhythm Dean seemed so content with, while feeling like he was in his own personal heaven as the most perfect mouth in the world was enthusiastically bringing him closer to the edge for a second time. Cas loved how communicative Dean was, his words made him feel tingly and he wanted all the direction this wonderful human was willing to give. It was a gross misuse of prayer to be sure, but his mouth was otherwise delightfully occupied. Given that Dean was between his legs and apparently couldn’t get enough of him...he really didn’t give a shit if the prayer police came a knockin’.

Dean couldn’t believe for a second Cas didn’t know exactly what he was doing. Maybe he didn’t have the practical experience, but whatever knowledge he did possess, in combination with his unbridled enthusiasm more than made up for it. The pressure and pull of his hand was in perfect sync with his mouth. How Cas wasn’t choking Dean had no idea but he was one hundred percent certain this was the best blow job he’d ever received in his entire life. He wasn’t going to hold out much longer and he could feel Cas wasn’t either. The sound system was slightly shaking and cutting out, Dean glanced towards Cas and could see a faint bluish silver glow..the angel would never be able hide his hunger for him. Those eyes that Dean knew and loved so well would give him away every time. That realization had him shuddering and spilling into his angels mouth at the same time as Cas finished round two. The swirling in his chest pulsed with the strongest intensity yet. Was this seriously what heaven on earth felt like? Did Cas have any idea how much he meant to Dean? Yes, this was a hormone fueled moment, but it didn’t make it any less true. He wondered if Cas understood the peace and light he brought to him.

Dean was all for trying to reach round three, in the spirit of extreme curiosity, but Cas was finally getting twitchy. Both were nearly out of breath, and for the moment, speechless. Dean kissed his tummy again, then gave his hip bone a love bite, causing the angel to scrunch his knees up in reaction and smile. Dean laid his head against his thighs and pulled his own knees in the same position so Cas could as well. They remained there cocooned and catching their breath. Cas reached out his hand between them and Dean let their fingers intertwine. The sound system recovered and Journey’s  _ Faithfully  _ began playing.

“Your turn next time,” Dean stated, smiling mischievously.

“If you like, I can substantially reduce your recovery period,” Cas replied reaching out for his forehead.

Dean laughed and swatted his hand away, “Not sex you horny dork. Date night.”

Cas’s cheeks turned a brilliant shade of red and he wore a worried expression, “Sorry, my hormone levels were abnormally high.”

“That’s not something you apologize for Cas, EVER. Especially to me, that was awesome. Plus it's normal in the beginning with someone new. I was missing you too.”

Cas’s eyes sparkled at the idea of Dean missing him, especially in that way.

“I’m not sure I can compete with tonight, there’s still so much left to understand about the ritual. Do couples always have sex on the first date? Or do they just kiss? How do you know where a potential date likes to eat or what activities they enjoy participating in?”

Dean was inwardly blushing, the thought of an angel that could smite him where he stood getting nervous about putting together a date night was actually quite...humbling. Carefully extricating himself from his angel, he decided it was a good time to try some of the champagne now, so he popped it open, poured two glasses, and handed one to Cas who had shifted his head to the pillow on the non-broken headboard side of the bed. Dean snatched a few of the many extra fancy pillows behind Cas’s head to make his side more comfy. Laying next to him, he explained while taking a sip, “1-depends on the couple, 2-same answer, 3 & 4-you know those answers because you know me. You’re overthinking it. I consider myself fairly simple when it comes to these things. I’m not too picky about food -unless it's so ethnic it had eight legs in life. Ten years ya been stuck with me Cas, what would you say are my go-to basics for fun?”

Cas immediately replied, “Eating, fucking, and blowing shit up.”

Deans current mouthful of champagne exited like stick of dynamite. He coughed a few times while attempting to wipe up the mess.

Cas looked at him quizzically and stated, “I’m not wrong.”

“Ok, you got me there” Dean coughed,”maybe start with that…let me know if you have any questions,” he finished with a wheeze.

Dean sat there, staring at him sweetly with one of those “What am I gonna do with you?” expressions when the song changed. And so did Dean's face, to a brilliant red but he tried to look at Cas as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Cas’s eyes upon hearing the first few notes had drifted, as he tried to recognize the song. He hadn’t even seen Dean's face, but turned to him for an explanation. He saw his human with his head down, ears red.  

“Dean, what’s wrong? Why is it on your playlist if you don’t like it?”

“It’s not on the playlist I made for  _ tonight.  _ My iPod must’ve reset or switched to some general shuffle mode or something when we were….”

“Why does it make you uncomfortable, is it because of the song name? The Scorpions were a very popular band, were they not?”

“Well, yeah...I liked them plenty in 7th grade, still do.”

“Then what is it?”

Dean didn’t speak for nearly a full minute. He drank his champagne, set the flute down, and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

“Back in middle school, I still watched Sammy most of the time, but my dad had started bringing me in to help on low level hunts. Vengeful spirit or two, a town suffering illness from a curse, etc. I managed, I learned, but it still scared the crap out of me. The work was important, and I saw the desire for my dad to spare other families from what we went through. I know he was broken, drank too much, was obsessed. But there was a purpose for him, skewed as it was and I didn’t...I couldn’t let him down. A kid my age shouldn’t have to see that though, I know we help people but these things shouldn’t exist, kids shouldn’t have to be terrorized by the real boogeyman. I got to thinking that if true evil could exist, then there had to be a balance somewhere. Something equally as pure and good had to be fighting for us also. Only time I went to church growing up was when we visited Pastor Jim or there was a church case on our radar so I never put much stock in the idea of angels. But one night, my dad forgot to bring extra rock salt into a house with a spirit, a real nasty one. He ran out to the trunk to grab more, said I had permission to blast that thing to Hell if push came to shove, but only if necessary til he came back. The thing trapped me in a closet, made me think it was torturing my dad. So I broke down and prayed, never actually went to Sunday school, had no clue what I was doing so I just sang the lyrics to that song that had been playing all day on the radio cuz it had just come out. I prayed for it so hard, just wanted a way out of the darkness but ah….guess Chuck decided to shelf that ‘get out jail free card’ for a better time, huh?”

Cas looked completely stunned, except for a set of glassy sapphire eyes. One very small single tear fell down his face. A very distant face, like he was recalling something from what felt like a lifetime ago.

_ Have I ever seen Cas actually cry? Holy crap. I mean I’ve got feels right now too but jeez…. _

_ “ _ It’s just a goofy song Cas, sorry. It meant a lot at the time, it took me a while to realize help wasn’t coming. Not right then anyways. After that I kinda bailed on the idea that anybody would come for me. But you're right, it was a cool band and  _ Send Me an Angel  _ was definitely a hit.”

Cas snapped out of whatever recall he was having and held Dean's face like he was the most precious speck of stardust in the entire universe. He leaned in and gave Dean the most gentle kiss the hunter thought he’d ever been blessed with.

A thought occurred to Dean, “I don’t ever remember having asked you what your favorite song was.  _ Do  _ you have a favorite song Cas?” Dean was now dying to know.

“I love to listen to you sing.”

Dean rolled his eyes and snorted, “I mean something I would’ve heard on the radio, sometime in this millenia.”

Cas nodded and turned to Deans laptop resting on the dresser next to the sound system with his iPod plugged in.

“Can you get me to the correct download page?”

Dean pulled it up for him and then sat criss cross at the foot of the bed, getting more curious by the second as to what song Cas was pulling up. If the Age of Aquarius or any crap by Barry Manilow started playing, he might lose his shit and actually consider it grounds for break up. It took a few moments, Cas yanked Dean up to stand and slithered his arms around his waist.

“Buddy…..I don’t dance.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I never asked you to,” Cas admonished while playfully slapping his ass.

They found themselves kissing again, slow and deep. Dean lost himself in feeling Cas’s soft lips lovingly brush against his own and ran his fingers through the angels dark hair. These quiet, simple moments were Dean’s heaven. Finally the music kicked on and Dean pulled back from the kiss to listen and identify. Hmmm... _ not necessarily romantic, Goddamn though that man could sing! Don’t know what I was expecting but Cas could definitely do worse. _

“Sam Cooke,  _ A Change is Gonna Come 1964”  _ Dean rattled off.

Cas looked at Dean with a raised eyebrow and surprise.

“Hey man, it may not be from my typical genre, but I do know good music when I hear it Cas. Can I ask what you like about it so much?”

“Several musicians from the era showed incredible talent, angels actually enjoy this genre very much and we feel the name ‘soul’ is apt. Do you remember I once told you that humans have two voices?”

Dean nodded his head and his freckled cheeks became a little rosy from the memory.

“Besides you, Sam Cooke possessed the most wonderful musical voices I’ve ever heard from a human. I can actually feel his songs in my grace, they’re so stirring. I was quite sad when I heard of his untimely death. But the ever constant truth in this song has stayed with me long after he was gone. It’s about the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960’s when black people were fighting for equal rights, just as other groups now are fighting for their freedom to love whom they wish, worship as they wish, some people are fighting just for the right to exist. This song reminds me that despite our discontent with a current situation, if we remain firm and do what is right then a change will come, it will happen, there will be more peaceful times ahead.”

This amazing creature never ceased to amaze him, Dean wondered if a day would come when Cas held no more surprises.  _ Not likely soon. _

_ “ _ I have another Scorpions song on the list... _ Winds of Change,  _ about similar revolutions. It’s funny how they spoke to both of us. He scooped his angel up, laid him on the bed, and kissed this beloved celestial. Then he swathed him in a tangle of warm skin and bedsheets until his mind slipped from consciousness.

Some hours later Dean awoke to terrifying flashes of a deafening wind, acrid smoke and sulfur that was so thick he thought he was choking.  _ Is this a nightmare? Shit! Did the candles start a fire?!  _ It was so overwhelming and disorienting, how nothing was solid yet shapes and colors were everywhere. Then he heard the screams, not the screams from living humans, but from souls. Fear froze him. There were the familiar sounds of blades clashing, wind and growling, drums and ripping...oh GOD not the ripping of flesh. They weren’t clean, surgical incisions..oh no. Ripping and tearing away from tissue, ligaments, tendons, and bones. It was an illusion of course, a soul had no earthly body down here. But for eternal punishment, the souls were meant to think their bodies were intact so that the pain of skin peeling from the muscles was real, the horror of impalement was happening. Dean felt sick, but he couldn’t run and even if he could, he wasn’t able to see anything correctly to know  _ where  _ to run for escape.

_ SEVEN. This is Seven! Oh my God..no no no no...not this..what is going on?!!!!!  _ He felt as if he were moving swiftly, he felt the force of impact from nearly all sides. It hurt terribly, the pain and exhaustion, it was unimaginable, he couldn’t wrap his head around it. He raised his left arm instinctively to block a downward stab while simultaneously throwing one directly behind him with his right. Making contact with it's target, his right arm pulled back to slice something open...fatally from the sound it made in both the injury and hitting the ground. His right hand spun the blade point up and immediately struck something above his head which had been descending upon him and then he pulled his left leg out of a slithery grasp to cut off whatever type of appendage had held him.  _ I don’t remember this, I don’t understand! _

“Inias! Retrieve Rachel, send her to help Bartholomew neutralize the remaining scourge in Five. Balthazar, find out what's taking Uriel so long to locate and hold Alistair!”  _ This is a dream, Cas is having another dream.  _ Dean knew he was hearing Enochian and understood it only through Cas’s memory. He couldn’t get over how powerful his angel sounded, the immense responsibility and loyalty he felt towards those in his command was fierce.

“I shall, Brother” Inias and Balthazar answered in unison before disappearing.

“Castiel, how long must we continue? He must have succumbed by now. It’s been decades, nearly forty years since you received the orders from Naomi. How many more of our brethren can we afford to lose?” Hannah’s voice was rife with grief and fatigue.

“We’ll lose everyone if we fail this mission,” he explained as he smote two demons charging him head on, ”I’ll not abandon a soul heaven deems worthy to raise from this realm.” Dean was thoroughly astounded, it had been difficult to comprehend what was happening at first, but now he understood.This was Castiel's’ war in Hell to save him.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

“Why is he not with the other souls? We’ve heard Alistair collects and keeps all kinds with him. Why are we not searching  _ his _ domain?” Hannah asked, as she smote four demons to their left while Cas disemboweled a hound behind her.  _ Why is it so small?  _

“We did before your reinforcements arrived. Alistair has particular skills and tastes, therefore he took dominion over Two  _ and  _ Seven. We nearly had him in the Second Circle,” Cas winced when mentioning it, “This boy is the one from the prophecy, Alistair will throw him aside for Ramsey to shred when he’s of no further use. But until he breaks, Hells highest won’t take any chances.”

Molten fire suddenly rained upon them. Dean heard and felt the sizzling down Cas’s back and wings. It made strange pinging sounds against... _ is it armor of some kind?  _ He screamed and was almost knocked over by another hound when his balance was thrown from the avalanche of a lava like fluid. It lunged for him, Cas’s blade went through it's head and neck before it could bite, but in the last seconds of it's death throes Dean felt it tear ribbons in to Cas’s right hip and thigh. Something landed nearby with the force of a comet, launching Cas, Hannah, and two other angels in the air only for them to crash down again in a cacophony of resonating metal.

Dean heard someone shouting at them, it was an odd noise, so much ringing. He only got bits and pieces at first. “-iel! Hann-....-now you...move!!! -ing away!!! Alistair h-.. hi-...nth!”  _ Uriel? What is he doing here? _

_ “ _ Castiel!! Hannah! Move! Get up now!” Dean felt grace pouring through him, or rather Cas, but not his own. This was someone else’s grace..others were trying to heal him. A few angels hissed at Uriel, this was a garrison defending their commander against one of their own. Cas gestured for them to calm. Dean felt Cas try to stand, he couldn't. The motion alone caused sections of his wings to fall off. More grace flowed through him.  _ How many are healing him? Two, three angels? What about Hannah?  _ Cas sat, diligently letting those under his command heal him. Uriel meant no harm, Cas was sure of it. He’d never questioned or disobeyed, but a strong connection hadn’t ever existed between them. It wasn’t uncommon, not everyone was equally close to one another and in battle conditions tensions were always higher.

Even with the blinding pain he wanted to be up, searching for the soul he’d been charged with retrieving.  _ Dean Winchester, hear me...we are coming for you, believe in yourself, in your humanity, in us. Please hear me, don’t give in! _

_ Cas spoke to me during his fight? _

“Castiel, I thought you and Hannah were still working through the Fifth. I’m sorry, but the winged beast would’ve killed me if I hadn’t gutted it mid flight. I didn’t see you down here until it was too late.”  _ Too late? Was that a fucking dragon you sliced and diced over Cas and Hannah you dick?! _

_ “ _ Where's Balthazar? I sent him to find you,” Castiel asked him. Uriel lowered his head in silence.  _ Not Balthazar, oh no. _

A few seconds later Uriel finally answered, “Alistair escaped again with the boy. He’s in the Ninth now, or that's what Hester reported. We need to move now if we’re to complete the mission.”

Castiel nodded, then issued a command “Pull Rachel and Inias back from the Fifth, we’ll need them when we breach the gates in Nine. Watch for these hounds with yellow eyes, I’m not healing well. They must have sulfur in their claws. How's Hannah?”

“Better than you brother, and ready.” Dean heard her reply, although she sounded anything but willing.

They pulled Cas up, his wings were healing, but still in bad shape. He knew they’d never recover completely.  _ Almighty Father keep me intact and able to fight for this soul until I’ve done as you’ve commanded. Grant me the wisdom to properly guide my remaining brothers and sisters as we carry out the edict for your child wrongly sentenced here. _

Images were blurred like paint, Dean felt cold, frozen...an icy sensation which tore through his soul. There was no way to shield oneself from this kind of climate. Dean couldn’t escape it, nor could Cas. Lightning struck with metallic percussions and he felt the electricity run through his angel like a transformer blowing. Icy sparks were left to randomly fire within his grace, they were painful and distracting. The wind was different here, it was so chilled Cas had to keep spinning his blades so they wouldn’t stick. Low lying black and gray mist swirled and traveled with him as he examined the environment of this circle. The smell was unlike anything Dean had ever encountered before or since his time there. Cas could recognize it immediately as the cloying residue of souls disintegrating. The growling wind he’d heard in the Seventh was now a low, pulsing hum. It terrified Cas as he realized it was no wind, but the sound of Lucifer's amused awareness of them in his realm. He knew the cage was secure, but it filled him with no less dread. His brethren treaded silently beside him, advancing with extreme caution...eleven remained from the 33 that began this mission under his command. Despite the different circle, Dean could still only see shapes and colors that were not solid, objects tended to blend together giving him the disorienting impression that the they were physically stationary in front of him but when he moved, they did as well. Cas could maneuver without difficulty and Dean wondered how. It seemed as though they were surrounded by walls, perhaps because of the way sound resonated down there. Yet the farther they walked, the more they understood the Ninth circle was likely an endless dimension of ice, mist, and darkness. The landscape was uneven, like walking along a dry, hill shaped river bed that went on forever. When Cas took steps up the slope, his feet sunk slightly as if trekking in compacted silt. But it wasn’t silt, it was the sediment of disintegrated souls from trillions of eons...time immeasurable. They’d fought through the nine realms, they’d seen unspeakable things, witnessed the slaying of beloved sisters and brothers and almost lost the soul they’d battled to save in realms Two and Seven. The memory of Two was so painful Cas buried it immediately, Dean remembered enough of that realm he understood why Cas couldn’t go there...at least not now. He’d almost spilled it to Sam that one time he finally shared with him, “ _ They tore me in ways…”,  _ it made him sick to think of it, usually he didn’t.

Each time they’d almost had Dean, Alistair was prepared, informed, and disappeared with him somewhere else seemingly impossible to access. Balthazar, the snarky pain in the ass he was, had never left Castiel's side. Dean felt Cas ache for his brother, then push it aside like emotional triage.  _ Even then he felt, when he shouldn’t.  _ This circle though, the last circle was the worst of all. Lucifer remained here, chained by the last seal to forever witness and watch over his domain. It was worse than the void, at least there the nothingness was blissful, quiet. Here souls entered when they were nothing left but dust, still material...only barely. This circle prevented the soul “silt” from the last stage which finally allows passage to the void. Here they were aware, yet unable to move, think, cry out, reflect, change anything about the eternal situation. Meanwhile Lucifer, bored within his confines, channeled and inflicted the torment of all the combined Eight circles above him upon each lingering molecule which Cas and the other angels were traveling across. Thunder bellowed around them and above them ominously as they continued along the vast incline. They looked up to see a lightning storm descending. Only when the lightning flashed did they see a militia of demons had camouflaged itself in the dark clouds.

“We must keep moving if we’re to find the boy!” Cas yelled. Uriel! Hannah! Thadeus! Give us cover, I see a platform ahead!”

Cas watched as the three angels shifted like synchronized clock work, folded their wings inward to minimize their exposure, and placed their backs together in the middle of the remaining soldiers. One by one, they raised their eyes to the storm. They continued to swiftly keep pace in the same direction as the others, placing complete trust in their surrounding comrades to be guided as they prepared to smite the oncoming hoard. The freezing wind picked up speed, Dean saw a ripple in Cas’s vision as he turned to rush the remaining climb of the steep hill where he could see the flashes of light ahead.

Suddenly Hester was running on his left, “We’d found Alastair up ahead! He escaped before we could hold him for you. Balthazar engaged him, but.. it didn’t look good when they disappeared. The boy is just over there, but heavily guarded.”  _ I don’t remember any of this happening. _

Cas could feel the energy from the lightning storm, it’s currents attracted by the soul silt conducted efficiently along the landscape and his soldiers hissed in discomfort as they were each mildly electrocuted with each step they took. Heat suddenly ripped through the air as the center three lit up the circling dark clouds above them with celestial fire. Cas ignored the heat and the pain, instead he focused on Hester. “Uriel told me, but you didn’t see him? I sent Balthazar to find out what had taken so long!”

Hester shook her head, it appeared she had more bad news to deliver. Yet as they reached the hill crest it was clear to Castiel by her expression that what awaited them in the distance was not the bad news she had intended to relay. Surrounding the platform was a army of demons, hellhounds, and wraiths. A light was pulsating in the center of Hell’s Guardian Legion. Castiel could see wraith and hound appendages being flung left and right. The outside ring of soldiers were focused on the garrison, but those positioned within circle’s center were either cringing in pain from the pulsing light or being eviscerated by it.

Time nearly stopped, Castiel couldn’t be certain of what he was witnessing, the slaughter scene unfolding in front of him made no sense. _Heavenly Father what is this creature that lays such waste to its demonic sentinels?_ _Naomi said this boy was taken unjustly, that he was being tortured_ _by_ _the best of the best. How is there enough of him left to even exist, let alone fight?!_ Never in the eons of time throughout his existence had Castiel seen such a soul. It’s light shone brighter than any other found in the Nine circles. This soul, _this boy_ , had sections of his soul torn and missing. Dark green and black stains poured from his head, ears, mouth, and other various wounds on his limbs so hideous Castiel simply couldn’t believe an entity such as this remained at all.  Most of his shape was transparent, near disintegration, but his radiance persisted, no, _defied_ all known laws of the universe.

_ This is me?! I see myself, I know this...this……………..this is me...it looks like me, and also doesn’t...but how?  _ Dean was so shocked, conflicted, and heartbroken and he knew these were his own feelings layered over Cas’s same emotions.  _ Father!!!! Noooo! …...I’ve failed you.  _ Castiel knew by the hemorrhaging fluid like stains on this boy's soul he had found him too late. Words of the prophecy echoed sorrowfully in his grace, “...and it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break.”  _ I’ve failed you Father, failed your child.  _ There weren’t enough tears in Dean's body to shed over the grievous loss and devastation he felt through his angel, sleeping next to him unaware.

Hester braced herself next to Castiel, waiting for his orders. His soldiers were unaware of how to proceed in event of a failure of this magnitude. The three angels in the garrisons center were holding the demons from above, for now. But the hellhounds had begun to swarm, the wraiths were maintaining their position around the platform. They were reserve, in case the army's first wave of assault against the angelic invasion was unsuccessful.

_ “ _ This changes nothing, the edict was to retrieve him! His salvation shall not be dependent upon his condition which he cannot be held accountable for. We move forward, we fight!” He looked at his unmoving soldiers who regarded him in disbelief.

“Brother it’s over, we’ve failed. If he’s broken himself and the seal there is nothing left to save!” Bartholomew weakly tried to reason.

“You would defy me?! I gave you a command which you  _ will  _ follow.  _ Never _ since the creation of humankind has our Almighty Father so concerned himself with a human soul save once, and that was for sacrifice. This is for salvation! He is not beyond our help, look at him!”

“We have Castiel, how are you so blind!” Bartholomew stood back, as did Uriel, Hester, Inias, Rachel, and Thadeus. There was fear and hopelessness on their faces, and something else as well.

“Do not contemplate what I see in your eyes. We knew the risks, this a just cause. Losing family is regrettable, do  _ not  _ dishonor them by abandoning the mission and the soul they died for!” Castiel pleaded.

“Do not ask us to die for one human beyond hope! We cannot...Castiel, I’m sorry, we  _ will _ not!” Thadeus beseeched, his eyes wide with terror at the oncoming threat.

“Castiel, brother please come with us. We need to seek revelation for this. Lead us out of this place, we’ll follow just come with us!” Rachel yelled.

“I will  _ NOT!!!! _  Mutinous, faithless cowards!!!!” Castiel spat in disbelief. Both parties regarded the other in astonishment, then members of the garrison parted expeditiously. Cas could do nothing except watch while over half his command fled. Then he, Hannah, Jehoel, Simiel, and Arariel stood with iron resolve to complete their task. He noticed a flicker of satisfaction in Uriel's eyes as the angel retreated hastily to save himself.

_ Those bastards left him and these angels to die! For me! Uriel brought the dragon on purpose to kill Cas! I hate them. _

Arariel and Hannah immediately turned to light up the sky, Jehoel took off several of the belts and sashes he’d brought with him, doling out tiny clay bowls and silver tubes which to Dean looked a bit like smooth light sabers and had Enochian etchings on them. Castiel was nearly overcome with relief, they might not survive this battle but with these gifts sent to them, they’d at least have a chance  _ and _ they’d take out a substantial section of the Ninth’s population.

“Many thanks Jehoel, this is unexpected,” Cas hugged him tightly.

“Naomi sends her regards, and  _ faith. _ ”  

“Hannah! Arariel! Do not use these unless there is no other way, and even then, not until the last possible moment!” Cas ordered as he handed them each two silver tubes.

The hounds had arrived and were circling the group. Dean kept wondering why they looked so small, the one that tore his ass to shreds stood nearly to his ribs at full height. It almost made him nauseated to see them charge Castiel and his remaining soldiers through his vision, it looked like they would multiply, then condense back into themselves whenever they would turn.

“Take care to avoid their claws, you will not heal quickly!”

Castiel spun his blades and braced for the attack, and when it came Dean experienced a sensation like his soul had been ejected from his body..astral projection. But seconds later he was slammed back within and felt like he’d been hit by a bus. The pain was staggering, like he’d hit a wall going 300 miles an hour and lit on fire. His mind was still aware with alarming clarity, Cas had hounds covering him. He’d flung them off only to be covered with more. Swinging and jabbing his blade, Dean could feel each making contact with flesh, muscle, and bone. Yelping, growling, snarling, and screaming were all around, pain..oh God the pain was unbearable. How could Cas still fight? Still stand?

But Dean knew, because he could feel what Cas felt. Castiel, the Shield of God who pushed through every slam, slice, blow, and bite... who returned each in kind and could see this brilliant light with more clarity as he advanced little by little. This soul was so wrecked but still  _ fighting? My God I can’t believe what I’m seeing! Your child Father! He’s fighting still! He’s fighting so hard for his freedom! How can he fight though he’s so broken? He defies the creatures that hold him, defies the powers that influence what he’s become, defies this entire realm! No soul in the history of the Nine Realms has ever done this! This is the soul Father, please this is the soul!!!! This is mine, HE IS MINE! As long as he’s fighting I will never give up, I will never abandon him! If ever there was a soul most worthy of redemption it is he, this is the soul! _

_Cas it's me! Yes it's me!!!_ Dean couldn’t help the thoughts that poured forth. _Go save me!_ Cas reached past the hounds, Jehoel and Simiel were finishing them off, though Simiel was struggling. Hannah and Arariel were somehow able to spy the demons in the storm and smite them as they struck. Cas was terribly injured, Dean could feel it. Yet he continued on, even as wraiths menacingly scurried along the ground like carrion predators waiting for him to drop. Cas waited, he was exhausted and began to hemorrhage grace from the wounds he’d sustained. As he stood there swaying, silently baiting the wraiths he could see Hannah and Arariel take to flight.

“No!! If they ground you it's over!!!” Cas yelled just as lightning shot through Arariel’s left wing. Cas yelled for him again, but there was nothing he could do. Arariel slid down the bolt of lightning by his impaled wing, it solidified like a blade when it had hit it's target. The second he hit the ground his form disappeared under dozens of demons, a blinding flash of green and yellow occurred from beneath the hill of demons on top of him. He smote as many demons as he could until his grace had been ripped from him. Cas’s rage boiled within him, decades of loss to this realm would continue no more. He assessed the wraiths, he then assessed Hannah, Jehoel, and Simiel. Each was injured, but Simiel was suffering the most with half of his right wing torn off and mortal bite wounds to his chest. His balance was thrown too much to effectively fight, let alone escape to a safe enough realm. The wraiths eyed him hungrily and moved their attention from Castiel.

Castiel spoke to him with sorrowful, but respectful candor, “Do you wish to be brought home?”

Simiel shook his head as he stumbled, his balanced lost.

“There’s none who could heal my wounds even if you managed to carry me. Give me weapons, allow me to be of use one last time brother, so you may retrieve him and chance escape,” he pleaded.

Cas nodded and yelled, “ Hannah! Retrieve Arariel’s weapons, bring them forth!”

She nodded and smote the remaining demons who’d been scratching at the ash left behind by Arariel. Bringing them over to Simiel she quickly knelt, holding his face she proudly stated, “It was an honor serving with you brother.”

He smiled at her painfully, and gave the tubes to Castiel. Shaking while he clutched the small bowls, he looked at him and declared, “This is the honorable death I choose. Let my name be spoken among the many well remembered for our deeds carried out as commanded by the Almighty Father.”

Castiel recited back, “And so it shall be remembered for eternity.”

He turned to the others to verify each had at least one tube, they could smite the wraiths and demons surrounding the boy but he suspected when he was removed from the platform the entire Ninth circle would descend. Their fight to get back home depended on defeating Hell’s last ditch effort.

“Simiel, thank you. Hold out as long as you can.”

Cas and his remaining three soldiers put their backs to Simiel and delivered blow after blow to the wraiths as they attacked. Unlike the hellhounds, the wraiths gathered behind a few at a spear point. Again Dean felt like he would be sick as their movement gave the impression of many fanning out then sliding back into themselves, he didn’t understand how Cas could effectively fight this way. The three focused their power into one beam and flashes sparked as the wraiths were sent to oblivion. A few made it through, Jehoel grabbed his blades and engaged them so Cas and Hannah could continue. Dean could hear his blades clashing and above them a loud humming could be heard.  _ Lucifer you bastard. _

More wraiths were getting through, aided by the inner circle of demons deciding to take action rather than wait to be killed. Hannah and Cas pulled their blades and began hacking the wraiths down. Both were smiting and fighting alongside Jehoel. They heard a scream from behind them, Cas turned briefly to see Simiel pulling against the power of two wraiths as they attempted to tear the other wing from him. “Goooo now!!!” he yelled at them, his face twisted in pain and resolution.

Cas, Hannah, and Jehoel swept their wings and lifted themselves above the remaining wraiths and demons. Just as the last section of the brave angels wing came off he cried and slammed the clay bowls into the ground with all the force his grace had left. Dean felt the blast wave before he saw it, then green flames ignited and exploded like a tsunami across the landscape.  _ I’ve seen that before! Where have I seen it….Ttt..Tyrion Lannister! Game of Thrones! Holy shit that’s Greek Fire!  _ The heat was unbearable, he felt Cas’s wings sweeping to get higher.

“Brother!!! You must get him now!!! We’ll hold them off as long as we can!!” Hannah screamed.

Cas saw as the wave of green swept the hill, almost nothing remained. The few demons left who were surrounding the soul cringed from the light he emanated, yet were even more terrified of an angel descending upon them. They knew their time had ended as Cas focused his energy and lit them up like roman candles. With the platform clear, he was relieved to collect the fearsome soul. He landed carefully and gracefully..softly tucking his wings behind him to seem less imposing, ever aware of souls who’d long forgotten their contact with celestial beings. He knelt on one knee and bowed his head.

Deans tears began falling anew, he held his angel in the bed, kissing his hair. He knew Cas had fought for him and saved him, but had been left in the dark as to the magnitude of the event. This angel, who desperately needed to get him out of there, was in  _ awe _ of him, Dean Winchester.  _ And why was he so damned small? Wait...getting a little larger. What?  _ Dean saw himself, he still couldn’t get over that was actually him. This shifting green and silver shadow, looked like he’d gone a few rounds with a gatling gun. Black goo poured from his eyes, his mouth. Parts of him had clearly been removed, as in dismemberment.  _ Why don’t I remember this?! Why do I remember some, but not all? This was the good part right? When Cas saves me?  _ Dean then watched as he shrunk away in terror from Cas. Edges of himself that were singed and filthy curled in on themselves. His light flickered and cut out.

Cas lifted his eyes to Deans, he reached for him carefully and asked gently, “Hello, Dean Winchester. Do you know me? I’m the one who’s called to you since the beginning.”

Dean remained silent and pulled back even farther. 

Castiel stood, tilting his head and asked again, “Do you fear me? Or do you not yet understand? I’ve come to raise you from this dominion. You are saved, I bring you passage from this wasteland of darkness,” Cas took a slow step forward.

Yet suddenly he heard Jehoel shout from above, “Brother, be quick! They are coming!”

Dean winced and scurried back even more along the platform. If he’d been intact in his vessel a drop from the height would’ve killed him with certainty.

“Please come with me Dean, I know this is confusing but we must leave now. Alistair is sure to come for you,” Cas said urgently while reaching for him. 

The name sent Dean scrambling off the platform and Castiel then realized how confused Dean was. He could barely see the angel let alone hear or understand him. Decades of torture had taken its toll, perhaps they’d even taunted him with this very trick of salvation, thousands of times. Castiel ran to the edge and saw him hanging by a large splintered piece that he must have broken away when he went over. It pierced through his hand completely and Dean was trying desperately to push himself off of it. Castiel could hear the wind again, it was full of pleasant humming from the cage.

“Castiel! Take him now! You must!” Jehoel yelled.

He reached down for Dean and bellowed, “Take my hand boy! I’ll bring you back to the light, just take my hand!”

But Dean saw himself turn his head, as if giving up entirely.

“NO!!!! You will not!!!” Cas screamed.

He pulled the splintered piece off the platform and lifted Dean as if he were nothing. As he held him, the twisted face of Alistair slithered from underneath the platform just below Dean's feet. He made a swipe for him, and Cas pressed Dean against himself.  _ That’s strange, how is he nearly the same size as me now?  _ As he gripped Dean tight with his right arm, the boy screamed in reaction to a creature so holy and pure touching him. Cas’s hand was scorching a mark on his shoulder and there was nothing for it, he would have to heal him when they were clear of this, _ if  _ they got clear of this. Cas took his blade and threw it so fast Dean nearly missed it as he felt his angel begin to sweep upward, his wings beating small winds around them. The blade missed Alastair's heart and he ripped it out of his billowing smoke of a body and jumped high enough to plunge it in Dean's left side before plummeting down to the platform. Castiel felt Dean's soul go rigid in his arms as he climbed higher and met with Hannah and Jehoel.

“No!!! No! No!” Cas cried.

He reached behind him for something Dean had previously been unaware the angel was carrying this whole time. A massive shield covered Dean's form as Castiel continued to ascend higher.  _ That’s what the pinging sound was! _ He looked down and could see the other two angels trying to keep pace, and beyond that…. a sea of demons covering the landscape they’d just escaped from. Smoke flew upwards to them, lightning was flashing down.

Cas yelled to Hannah, “Use the weapons!”

He watched as each pulled out a silver tube and pushed the bottom of it against the their hip. A button on the side with Enochian etchings was slid forward and Hannah angled her wings inward so she could spin in her ascent why wielding an enormous sword of Greek Fire. Jehoel did the same and immediately the sky above them cracked with thunder. The demons following them were incinerated, as were the ones who attempted attack from their flanks. Dean saw Cas look down at him, he was lifeless in his arms. The angel was so anxious to be gone from this place, to take him to the..’in between’.  _ Please Dean, no!! Just hang on a little longer please, don’t go! _

Each circle had a different sort of cloud cover surrounding its horizontal gate that felt so odd when passing through. Their ascent accelerated with urgency as Cas felt the soul in his arms losing it's battle. He heard a cry from below, but Castiel could no longer turn to see which angel it came from. Fire was pouring all around them as they breached the sky gate from Seven to Six. Castiel's wings were once more burned, Dean felt him lurch as the damage set in and slowed them down.

_ No! This cannot be! I’ve fought too hard to lose now!!!! I won’t give up, we have to keep going!!!  _ Dean saw purple, then red smoke swirling around them. He had no idea if Hannah and Jehoel were alive but the attempt to escape Hell was...well...going to Hell. Castiel was flying as fast as his broken and burned wings would carry him. The next gate felt like they were flying through acidic jello. The demons twisted and pulled at Cas’s wings, they weren’t going to make it. They had been so close, they’d almost breached the second realm into Limbo.

Then Cas got a crazy idea- he hoped that one or both of the angels below could hear him. He yelled repeatedly with no response. _I have no choice, if I don’t get Dean out then the mission truly has failed, I will have failed._ He pulled a silver tube out, bumping it against his hip and sliding the button he immediately aimed it downward. He issued a prayer that the other two were alive and heard him, as the Greek Fire ignited he felt the bottom of Cas’s wings ignite with it. The pain was beyond anything he could imagine, but it was propelling them upward at an incredible speed. Castiel looked upward and could see the end of the Limbo tunnel to the outside world, the human domain, in front of him. He knew each tube held three vials of the alchemi miracle. He lit the second one which clicked into place after the first one burned up. Fire was surrounding them from every direction, Castiel's wings left a trail of ash and flame behind as they rocketed past the the Limbo gate onto the earthly plain in aerial spirals which allowed angels to fly at the speed of light. _Hang on Dean Please!!! We’ll be safe just please hang on!_ There was a freezing gust of air and then nothingness.

Dean blinked.. _ what was this? There’s no sound? No wind?  _ Dean could see pale pink, orange, and indigo blue everywhere and a star filled sky. The contrast was almost painful until his eyes adjusted. Slowly their surroundings came into focus. They were on a mountain, a volcano? It bowled up like a cradle around them underneath the night sky. Cas threw his shield to his side, dropped his blade and fire weapon, and laid Dean ever so carefully on the fine indigo sand he’d been standing on. Dean could smell the ash and still see puffs of smoke from the incendiary wounds on Cas’s wings, the pain should have blacked him out but Cas’s mind would not permit it.

“Dean! Wake up! I am an angel of the Lord and I command you to wake up! Please!” Castiel whispered, it may as well have been a shout.

He softly wiped some of the black mess from his eyes and when he did, Dean's soul flickered, silver tendrils slowly uncurled and swathed around the more solid, intact sections of the emerald soul. Cas delicately removed the blade Alistair had delivered to his side. The form that lay in front of him flickered again, more strongly and Cas gasped, hoped. Just then he saw the blades wound, where there had been solid form, there was now a blade shaped section that turned black and disintegrated into what looked like silt.

“Oh no, NO please no!!!” Cas howled in terror.

He moved to embrace Dean, but yanked his hands back immediately for fear of starting a chain reaction. The sorrow Dean felt well within his angel was beyond words.

Castiel looked to the stars and pleaded, “Holy Father please!! No don’t let this happen!! He’s mine, he is the soul! This is whom I was asked to save! I fought for years and years losing brothers and sisters to every manner of depravity and evil, they bravely fought and died for him! You deemed him worthy to save! Do not let their sacrifices be for nothing! Please I ask to you spare him, spare your child!”

Castiel put his hands out and pushed forth his grace. It seeped into every wound, every severed part of his torn form. As he did this Dean saw his form flash and pulse, matching Castiel's grace. Castiel took his hands away and waited, a flicker….then nothing.  

He felt Cas break down again and beg  “Almighty Father, power of this infinite universe! Please bring him back! Have faith in him, he can do the work you desire, look at him! I will guide him, I will bring him loyalty and companionship! Please!”

Even as he was grievously injured himself, Cas sat back and pushed forth his grace yet again. It pulsed and twisted into Dean, and his form flashed and pulsed right back. Castiel slumped over him and wailed.

_ My God, what is happening? I’m here. I come back, he brought me back. What the literal fuck is going on? I feel like I’m dying, Cas feels like he’s dying? This is like some bad shock paddle scene from Dr. Sexy, M.D. Why don’t I come back? How many times is he gonna have to juice me? _

_ “ _ Oh God bring him back!!!! I will gladly give my grace for him! Does he not have a human family? Are they not heart sick for him?! No no no no no you must bring him back to me!“ Castiel shouted as he rocked and shook over Dean's lifeless form, “I will not abandon him, I will guide him, I profess unto to you he will always have my companionship! I will  _ love  _ him Father! Please! I asked you, did you not hear? Was I not loud enough, or brave enough? Did I not relentlessly fight through every realm of Hell to do what you asked of me? Am I not worthy? I asked you Father and I say to you he is the soul! He is  _ my  _ soul! I will love him, I  _ do _ love him already. I  _ have  _ loved him….please!”

Dean’s face was dripping with tears, he just couldn’t take it anymore. Suddenly, the images blurred like paint and swirled for long moments. When they cleared and Dean focused, he could see deep orange hues in the sky still filled with stars and felt Castiel lying down, too exhausted to even sit up. He had obviously remained beside his soul, which had changed... _ I look more solid now? What did the trick? _ How much time had passed? Was it early morning?  _ These colors in the sky are beautiful, but all wrong. _ He was startled by a voice, one he knew...one he hated beyond measure. Cas looked up to see Naomi standing in front of him wearing a look of unholy disgust.

“Castiel...what in God’s name have you done?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to use the Nine Circles of Hell from Dante's Inferno as a structural model of Hell. For those who've not read it, each of the Nine Circles are a unique realm of punishment best suited for the souls residing there. They are judged according to their deeds in life and are assigned the appropriate level of eternal punishment based on those deeds.
> 
> I chose this article to include for those interested in learning what each circle represents because, for me at least, Lego's are less triggering.  
> http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/culturepicturegalleries/9267162/The-nine-circles-of-hell-from-Dantes-Inferno-recreated-in-Lego-by-Mihai-Mihu.html


	11. Chapter 11

Naomi disappeared into a splash of blurriness _ , no no...what did he do? Why was she so angry? Is it because he couldn’t save me before I...chose to break? He did the best he could! His soldiers did the best they could! How can she be so angry...no, she was almost..grossed out..well bitch lets see how sexy you look after decades of Alastair's undivided attention!  _ The images began to refocus, he recognized the bunkers library immediately.  _ Thank God! I can friggin’ see normal again!  _ Cas sat in the library reading an Enochian book on the evolution of the First People's Spirituality, Dean heard himself holler from his room.  _ Still with the Nightmares. _ Cas went to his room and lay down with him. He covered him so gently and snuggled in close. His angel was worried about him, seriously worried. He saw his dreams through Cas, the night he nearly died from Michaels Lance, the rage he felt towards his mother and the aftermath of her carelessness in the company she chose. He watched as Cas saw all the times he’d left Dean and how he suffered when Cas was away.  _ Dammit, he has enough on his plate! He doesn’t need to know about this too. Or maybe he does...he should see how much I miss him. Maybe he’ll stop taking off when he sees how I feel. _

Cas was awash with incredible dismay, loss, fear, and resolve.  _ Resolve for what? _

_ -This cannot continue, he’ll never properly heal and reach his potential if he has this unhealthy attachment with me. What have I done to this poor man? - _

_ Wait, wait, wait...unhealthy attachment? Because I miss him and worry like hell when he’s gone, my feelings for him are unhealthy? Buddy, welcome to family life...just cuz your dick siblin-.........some of your dick siblings, didn’t give a shit if you lived or died doesn’t mean it's unhealthy to miss and worry about someone you care about when they aren’t there!  _ He felt Cas’s face become wet with tears, his angel was crying about a decision.

_ I’ll slip away from his memory slowly, Sam’s too. It’s the only way this will work. _

_?……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. _

Dean was numb for a few minutes while his brain processed that gem. Then as it sunk in he felt that familiar lurch, like a kick in the gut from a steel toe boot. He had to get out of there, he wanted to crawl off the bed, down the stairs, up the ceiling...anywhere that would get him away. He normally wasn’t a fan of any exercise that didn’t involve his dick but running as fast as he could, for as long as he could...in no particular direction was incredibly tempting at the moment. He peeked at his phone, 2:37am,  _ dammit!  _ No matter what state he was in, he wasn’t stupid enough to run or stroll anywhere in Tamborine proper with a red miniature Bruce Banner roaming free. He threw on some sport shorts and a sweatshirt and opted for the couch. He had a chill all the way through to his bones, as he sat down and drew his knees to his chest. He pulled the hoodie over his head and just stared out at the darkened patio. Dean wondered how someone was supposed to process what he just experienced. A few hours before he’d been deliriously happy, having his favorite celestial by his side under the night’s most wondrous display of sky diamonds. The sex had been mind blowing of course, maybe it was an angel thing but each time he’d been with Cas he’d cum so hard he saw stars. But that wasn’t his favorite part, no. Dean was happiest when the both of them were together in any sense. They could be sitting in the library at home begrudgingly doing case research or sipping coffee silently in the Impala at 5:30 am. Hell, they could be arguing over whether James T. Kirk, Han Solo, or Malcolm Reynolds was the best space Captain while folding laundry, or simply laying together with limbs intertwined as their hearts silently beat together….it didn’t matter because Dean loved having him  _ home _ . _ Just like with Sam, home is anywhere we are together. _

Reliving their greatest moments in Hell was going to take a long time to settle with him, no doubt. There was enough material there to spawn a solid decade of questions and reconciliation. Yet the things that bothered him most were not what had transpired in Hell, but in his own bedroom. How could Cas go from vowing he’d never abandon him, to deciding that leaving was best for everyone? And worst of all, taking Dean's memories with him? Those were  _ his.  _ If Cas left, Dean would..continue to exist...he had Sammy to look out for after all and he was used to losing people one way or another. But taking those memories from him and his brother would be the ultimate betrayal. It would be an unforgivable theft of free will that Dean could not, no.. _ would not  _ abide. What they did with their memories of Cas was for  _ them _ to decide, no one else. He still struggled with the decision he’d made for Lisa and Ben, he knew he always would. But he knew he’d done it ultimately not for their emotional comfort, but to save their lives. That was the difference. Nothing could ever change the fact that it was wrong, but they were alive and happy somewhere...he hoped.

Dean knew he was broken, some parts of him simply wouldn’t heal. But God fucking dammit he was  _ trying  _ to do something about it. Since his mom came back, he’d been trying to be someone she could be proud of...but the more and more he saw her flaws, he realized he was already proud of himself and Sam which was all that mattered. He’d thought Cas cared for him regardless of his issues and imperfections, especially since nobody, not even Sam knew what he’d been through with Alastair.  _ Who wouldn’t be attached to some kind of lifeline or coping mechanism after that?  _ The fact that even though it was Hell on earth without him after Cas died from the whole Leviathan thing and then when he chose to remain in purgatory, he managed.  _ Not well at all, but I didn’t check myself out either...that’s something, right? The building blocks were there to get better, I just hadn’t used them properly. _

Dean sat on the couch for hours, thinking and analyzing. So much of him wanted to leave, craved distance between himself and the situation. The sky eventually lightened to a pale blue, then oranges. He found with the sunrise he hurt no less, in fact he felt sick from it all. But instead of shoving it down and distracting himself like his instinct screamed at him to do, he continued to marinate and pull at it. He was a problem solver, and right now he  _ needed _ to solve this. Piece by piece he tried to identify what cut so deeply and why. At 7 am Cas still wasn’t awake, Dean was relieved and mystified...that was another can of worms which had been nagging at him since before they left Kansas.  _ One thing at a time.  _ He left a note, grabbed his pistol, a small knife, and snuck out the door. He jogged across the street to the Witches Chase track and meandered to the falls, in hopes that some “space” and perhaps even Dadirri homework might calm him or at least yield undiscovered insight.

He wound his way down the wooden staircase that lead to the viewing deck. The steady sound of the pounding water below was pleasant, and even better was the cool mist that accompanied it. Just the brisk walk over had released some of the tension he felt. He stood there, absorbing the smell and sounds of the forest, carefully examining the times Cas had left him. The times he could remember in the dreams Cas witnessed, revealed that how he sometimes dealt with the situation was less than ideal, but this wasn’t news to anyone. Other times he managed alright, provided he had a healthy focus. Something finally began firing in the back of his mind. When his mom died, he suffered like any four year old would. When his Dad died, trading himself for his son, he was lost. He recalled the times since his early adulthood that he and Sam were apart. When Sam left for Stanford, when he was killed in Azazel's fucked up “Last Man Standing” game, when he took off all strung out on demon blood, then when he broke through his possession and pulled Lucifer and Michael down to the cage. Hell yes his coping mechanisms left something to be desired...and when he imagined Sam leaving him again for one reason or another he came to the same conclusions. The specifics of when people left him were anything but normal, but in every other regard they were events other people have experienced. His mother-murdered, his father-saved him while losing his own life, his brother-went to college, was murdered, went through a stint of addiction, saved Dean in his dad's fashion. Obviously this didn’t all happen to one person...he was an anomaly. All of these situations had happened to other people in different ways, and anyone who goes through them may or may not deal well. But the common thread was that their feelings in reaction to these traumas and losses were not only normal, but justified,  _ human. _ The essence of the human condition is how we deal with life events, including these losses and also how we learn from them.

_ And Cas isn’t human...he’s always admitted that so much of humanity and how we function, eludes him. He is always trying to understand, and often falls short. He’s misinterpreting, or rather..not grasping the entire picture. He’s not my pain killer, because I’ve lived with pain my whole life. God knows I’ve inflicted more than enough on others, by rights I shouldn’t be alive. And I sure as Hell don’t deserve to be and who knows if forgiving myself will ever be in the cards. I miss him when he’s gone, and I worry about him. When he's home, I seem to hate myself a little less. And the world doesn’t hold the same wonder without him in it and he needs to understand this! Just when we’ve thought the other is gone for good something, some...force keeps bringing us back to each other. He’s my Northern Star, I can navigate this world without him but the thing is….I don’t want to. Doesn’t he see I’ve been trying to get better at saying what I feel? This is what he doesn’t get, and if I can find some way to make him understand then he’ll know it's not an unhealthy attachment, hopefully. _

_ He’s going to leave though, he’s decided to..and taking my memories with him! I can try to make him understand what he means to Sam and I...I’ve been saying more often how he’s family and I mean it. He’s got to know he’s more than a brother to me since this trip. But if he still wants to leave, then there’s nothing I can do. God that’ll hurt so much. _

_ And we’re gonna have a serious talk about him wiping our slates clean….I can’t believe he even considered the idea. Think that’s what's hurting the most, or what's got me so angry...I don’t know which is which right now. But maybe it's part of him not understanding? I need to find out. _

Dean sat on the railing of the observation deck and decided he didn’t need to think anymore for a little while. Maybe there was something after all to this ‘stillness’, he did feel better afterwards...even if it also felt damn goofy. He closed his eyes and let the environment invade his senses like the lulling waves of the ocean.

Sometime later he knew, he felt him..how he didn’t really know, but Cas was there.  _ Ah crap..I don’t want to have this conversation with him just yet, dammit I’m not ready! _

_ ~*~*~ _

Cas was groggy when he opened his eyes, but that’s not what immediately bothered him. There were tears on his face, a terrible ache in his chest, and no happy morning smiles from Dean. No Dean at all.  _ But wherever he is, he’s hurting...and angry……………..with me. What have I done?  _ Cas went over the events of the previous night trying to determine how he could've displeased Dean so much. He wiped the tears from his face, confused as to why he’d be crying, it was bizarre. Cas couldn’t fathom what had happened between the happy, sleepy goodnight kisses and now. It was clear though, he needed to find Dean to sort this out. Checking his phone, he found no messages. He threw on some clothes and saw Dean’s note next to the Malibu keys:

 

**Out for a walk**

 

How long had he been gone? Where had he gone?  _ Did he take his phone? His gun? Or a knife at least? Why, in the middle of this dangerous situation, would he go out by himself? He couldn’t be far if he didn’t drive. _ Cas walked outside, closed his eyes, and allowed his grace to find the direction that inevitably pulled him to Dean. He followed the magnetic force that was tugging him across the road to Witches Chase.  _ It's good he went to the falls, it’s calm.  _ Cas silently approached the area leading down to the observation deck. Looking below he could see Dean perched on the railing, as still as a statue, facing the falls. When he began down the path he saw his human drop his chin to his chest, shoulders slumping in awareness of his presence.  _ Oh. Whatever this is, it’s bad. Really bad.  _ He could tell because the closer he got to Dean the more the pain in his chest fired off like a raw, exposed nerve. It scared him, what in all the heavens could he have done to elicit such torment in this human he loved so dearly?

“Dean? I don’t understand…” he slowly attempted to reach for him but even though Dean had his back to him, he flinched and leaned away.

_ Oh no, this is really really bad.  _ Cas noticed the odd sensation of pins and needles on his face, it spread down his neck to his shoulders and chest. He backed up to the other side of the observation deck...giving him his...personal space.

“I know. Which is why I have to at least  _ try  _ to make you understand before you……….lea-” Dean's breath hitched, “Sorry, I’ve been trying to calm down for hours and sort this out so when we talk it wouldn’t be so…”  _ Dammit why can’t I keep this crap in check? _

A few tears escaped but he wiped them away quickly, hoping Cas wouldn’t notice.

“I get it, I’m an emotional train wreck who can’t cope worth shit. I’ve been trying harder lately, talking more..drinking less. In all your existence, you haven’t had a family that ever worried about you, missed you when you weren’t there, or didn’t base anything positive between you that wasn’t conditional on the scale of your use. So I’m hoping that's why you can’t really comprehend that what I feel for you and or why acting like I do when you’re gone isn’t an ‘unhealthy attachment’ “ he said using air quotes.

Cas froze at that last part, he hadn’t shared that with anyone....well, he’d misunderstood Jobeka’s meaning when she’d asked him what Dean would do without him, but she did  _ not _ seem the gossip type at all.  _ How would Dean know about that assessment? _

Dean took a deep breath, steeling himself, expending far more effort that he thought he’d need to keep himself from dissolving into a puddle of sorrow. He faced Cas who was squinting at him, a dead give away the angel was thinking,  _ “ _ How do  _ you _ know about that?”

“Ironically  _ how  _ I know isn’t what I consider the most disturbing part about all of this. It’s what your plans were for me and Sammy when you incorrectly assumed the reasons behind my behavior and coping strategies that kills me. I’ll go ahead and take partial blame, since it was me who asked you to wipe Lisa and Ben. But you need to know it was never about preventing an emotional fall out for them. Lisa is strong, and she’s raising a strong son. We didn’t work out, it hurt us both, but she was moving on and searching for a happiness she knew they deserved. I had you erase me so there was nothing left for anyone or anything to torture out of them. So Ben didn’t continue down the path he nearly became Hell bent on to be a hunter, which again could’ve gotten them both killed. I made that choice for them to save their lives. That’s the difference. If you need to leave, maybe I can't stop you. But what Sam and I do with our memories of you is  _ our choice, _ never has been nor will it ever be yours to take away. I cannot believe I’m spouting this psychobabble crap, but you erasing our memories not only takes away the ability for us to ‘grow from the experience’, it completely violates the fundamental law of free will which if I remember correctly, you fought and died for….twice. Given the example of family you were shown since the beginning of time, it’s understandable how your view of such is skewed. Sam and I, well we ain’t exactly the best example of a human family, no doubt. But all we’ve got is each other, and we don’t give up on that, not ever. We’ve told you you’re family, more than once. If you’d stick around, we could teach you how to be a part of a human fam-.....”

Suddenly a thought clicked into place for Dean. His face had a heartbreaking expression of surprise, he eyes became glassy and when it fully dawned on him Cas felt as if someone had emptied a clip of .45’s into his chest.

“That’s it though isn’t it? We’ve  _ told  _ you you’re family. We never  _ asked _ if you wanted to be, did we? Based on what I’ve seen your own family do to you, guess I can understand if you never wanted on board with that kind of situation again.”

Cas couldn’t take in everything Dean was saying. He was barely recovering from the horror that Dean somehow knew what he’d considered, even though he’d do anything to  _ not _ go through with it and only saw it as a potentially necessary sacrifice for the well being of this man he loved beyond reason. Now Dean was actually asking him if he wanted to be in his family or even considered him and Sam as such. He was an angel, he knew he’d never been very happy with his own, but barely understood what it was to be human let alone a member of a family of them.

“I love you Dean. I, greatly value Sam’s friendship……….” he struggled to find the right words, but under the current conditions and the blinding pain in his chest which was getting even worse by the second they just weren’t coming.

After a minute or two of desperately trying to get his mind and mouth to work Cas felt fissures emerge in his chest. They were tiny at first, but with each passing second they spread and grew larger...becoming fractures.

Dean pursed his lips, looked at the ground, and nodded in some kind of reckoning,  “.......uh...you caring..that’s never been in doubt. I can speak for Sammy when saying we’re sorry if you ever felt pressured or uncomfortable when we told you that. Our feelings haven’t changed though. Um…….really don’t know what to say, except….it’s…” Dean’s voice was barely a whisper.

The realization that no matter how deeply they felt for each other his angel may not want to be part of his family, was so devastating it was hard to breath. For him, family was  _ everything.  _ He struggled a few more seconds to collect himself. The forest was becoming blurry and his heart was beating painfully in his chest. He needed distance, craved it like the air in his lungs which seemed to escape much too quickly, leaving him unable to deliver his next words smoothly, without audible difficulty. So he took his time to speak clearly, carefully, avoiding things he really felt but would leave the situation beyond repair. All he could do was be true to his feelings in the moment.

“I can’t be here with you right …...this second, I don’t want to be near anybody and I don’t know how long it will last. I’m gonna walk now……………

... or sit somewhere, not sure for how long. The keys are back in the room, take the Malibu if you need it. Be safe.” 

Dean wasn’t sure how he was still upright, but he willed himself to walk past Cas, up the steps back to the track and down the path to the cemetery. He wasn’t too concerned about tourists crossing his path because if he looked half as bad as he felt, he doubted any passersby would notice a difference between himself and the far more permanent residents.

~*~*~

Cas stood on the observation deck for a solid ten minutes before a string of productive thoughts could properly form. He could still feel Dean nearby, knew exactly where he was, and that he was emotionally bleeding out because of him.

_ I’ve failed him again, like I’ve failed my family over and over. Even when I think I’m doing what’s best, I inevitably fail. I don’t understand, what use am I...what was I made for if not to help people? I couldn’t follow directions in heaven and nearly destroyed it. No matter what I do Dean gets hurt. Why did I have to be different? Why am I the broken angel who can’t stop feeling and messing up? I love him so much, and of course I love Sam too. Not in the same way that I love Dean but Sam is so kind, patient, inquisitive, and we both love his brother. I just don’t know if I can bear disappointing them! They’ve said I’m family to them, but look what’s happened to my family in heaven because of me! Sam and Dean can’t know what they’re saying when they call me that! I can’t ever destroy them like I destroyed heaven. And how on earth did Dean know my thoughts? From a week ago?  _

Cas didn’t want to move, but soon the park would be officially open for the day and he was in no mood for crowds at the moment. It went against everything in him to walk away, his body was screaming to not put any more distance between himself and his human, but nothing could be done about it. He walked back to their cottage, and decided all he wanted to do was bury himself under the bed covers. He never got the chance, as soon as he walked through the door Alden called.

“Jingeri Castiel, I hope I’m not calling too early?”

“Not at all, how is everyone?”

“Fine, fine. I managed to get an appointment with the Yugambeh Museum Curator this morning at 9:30. Will this work for you both?”

“We were walking around the park early this morning, he decided to poke around further. It’ll be only me if that’s alright?” It was as close to the truth as he could get.

“That’s fine, it’ll mostly be examining material requiring translations anyways which sounds more like your expertise. I’ll be by around 9 to collect you.”

Cas didn’t feel up to doing anything, but their purpose here was to help. He decided to see if a shower would make him feel better. It only made him wish Dean were there, so he could hold the vessel containing the soul he cherished above all others. The ache in him was relentless, but all he could do was hope Dean would calm with time. He supposed the museum would provide ample distraction and maybe their search would yield helpful results. He put some clothes on and waited for Alden to pull up outside the cottages. He did his best to focus on the problem he was going to help solve, and not the one he’d give anything to stay and fix.

~*~*~

Dean found the dilapidated path and morning overcast a nice reprieve. It was a place which matched how he felt and didn’t require him to smile and pretend. Just in case though, he walked into the mausoleum and collapsed in a heap on the floor. His breath came in hitches and gasps, everything blurred as the tears flooded out of him. Seriously?

_ What the bloody Hell is up with all these damn water works?! I’m not friggin’ seven years old!……………………………………………………………………………………………. _

_ How could it never occur to me that he might not ever want a family? It does makes sense, everyone’s always been so fucking abusive to him, even though he screws up he’s always, always giving everything he has to help others. And when he won’t shift his moral compass, the ones that should be praising him end up punishing him. No wonder he seems lost sometimes, I guess I would be too. He loves me, there’s no doubt. But it doesn’t mean he wants the same things, and no matter what- I’ll never not want family, this is non negotiable. I can be pissed that he’d even consider erasing my memories, but there’s no faulting him for not wanting to be part of a family with what he’s been through. He’ll have to make the decision whether or not he’s willing to try. Ah man, I’d hoped that even if he never felt the same way about me there’d be something about us worth trying for, or staying for. It woulda been nice having him with us in the bunker, collecting weird crap over the years I’d tease him for, watching football with him and Sammy, teaching him how to change the oil on his truck, maybe visiting a few cool places he could tell me about when they were first forming however many millions of years ago….. _

Dean sat on the cold stone floor for a very long time. This was the reason he never let down the wall. This was the reason he’d fought for years against what his heart already knew. The second he let himself trust he was worth caring for, was usually when somebody died or bailed. He felt tired, not jet lagged or crappy nights sleep tired...but soul tired. Thinking back on what his soul looked like in Cas’s nightmares and how the Yugambeh elders had shrunk away from him initially, he began to realize the magnitude of the situation. He had been hurting his whole life, but since his dad died it seemed as if he was always jumping from the pot into the frying pan. Years of shit storm after shit storm, which had left devastation, chaos, and emotional turmoil were indeed taking their toll. If his soul looked  _ that _ bad then what was happening physically couldn’t be much better. How much longer did he have the strength to keep fighting  through loss and heartbreak before his soul ultimately said “Fuck you I’m done.” It was finally,  _ finally  _ sinking in how much he really meant the words that were uttered in confidence to Grace about living in the here and now. Regardless of the outcome with Cas, his mom, and even Sam, he  _ needed  _ to get his shit together for himself.

Mini revelation-had. Sobfest-over. He recognized the need to channel whatever emotion was necessary to drag his ass off the floor and do something, anything. As gut wrenching as the prospect of Cas not wanting him or Sam as family was, he stood up and put the ball of emotional dynamite into a balloon aaaaaannd let it go. Admitting right now he had no control over it scared him like nothing else, but he chose to focus it all into what  _ was _ within his control-helping this tribe destroy the evil plaguing their lands. Redoubling his hunting efforts, he noted a smell of incense from within the mausoleum. It could be residual, but he needed to check so he made his way to the back and found a new mandala had been drawn over the previous one. More bones lay scattered, a larger bone with a dark liquid remained. He took more pictures with his phone and removed his sweatshirt so he could collect the bone bowl. When he bent over to pick it up he noticed a few bits of burned paper, as he collected them he heard a odd noise. It had a tone and cadence which gave Dean the impression of song. _ Where is it coming from? Doesn’t sound like it's outside but I’d know if somebody were in here with me.  _ The melody was haunting and sounded old. Really old. Dean would even hazard ancient, but that was a guess based only on the experience he’d had with ancient things. He couldn’t understand the language, he was listening as hard as he could to it and noted there were no repeating verbal patterns he could identify. But it was certain whomever was singing was a woman, the voice gave Dean chills.

Suddenly the floor of the mausoleum shook violently. Then cracks appeared, dust and other chunks began falling from the ceiling, a deafening groan or rumble rippled through the cemetery. Dean decided this was an excellent time to get out from under several tons of rock before they crushed him into nothing and seek wide open spaces. He grabbed his sweatshirt and ran like a bat out of Hell.  _ Note to self, Australia has earthquakes too. _ Outside he saw several tombstones cracked and fallen, the trees began making strange sounds, he looked up around him and recognized the twisting and bowing from the night the tree spirits had been running the vine, indicating the Yara’s presence. It had likely been awakened and scared by the seismic activity, Dean couldn’t have been more pleased at the timing.

He set his sweatshirt down, tucked his knife in his waistband, and switched the safety off his pistol. This was his element, this was a good channel for his frustrations and the adrenaline kicked in full force the second he spotted a Yara, hopefully  _ the _ Yara. It tore its way through the figs trees around him in a semicircle as it turned from the direction of the nearby road. The little shit was insanely quick, it would be difficult to get in a shot at that speed. Dean remembered if he did manage to shoot it, it couldn’t be a mortal wound so the shamans could finish it properly with it's home tree spirit and the balance would be maintained. He bent slightly, ready to fight should it attack, or chase should it flee. Flee it was. Dean took off sprinting, thankfully in daylight it was much easier to spot the little reddish brown Hellboy as he scurried through the trees. Sure enough he had something around his neck that did not look anatomical in nature, which meant one of two things. Either the pint sized bastard was taking souvenirs or there was something much bigger in play than any of them had suspected. Dean hoped the Yara would avoid the falls, as running through a group of tourists chasing after a mini devil with a pistol might bring unnecessary attention to the case, not to mention make things more complicated for Arri.

He suddenly heard footfall behind him, looking back he saw Bob and possibly Jamuna, who had apparently been tracking it. She was nearly as startling to look at as Bob. From what he could glimpse she had the longest, frizziest hair he’d ever seen braided and pinned around the crown of her head. She definitely gave Princess Leia a run for her money. He still kept pace with the Yara, the two hunters darted to his left and fanned out in an effort to turn it away from the oncoming falls. It veered to Deans right and he ran through the bush, hopping over rocks and leaping up and off of the fig trees trunks. They were moving southwest, away from the falls and at this time of morning, it was doubtful anyone else would be roaming around the more desolate, off track sections of Witches Chase. Any gunfire could easily be attributed to the earthquake and its damage. Dean didn’t know how, but he was keeping pace with the Yara. He could hear the Yugambeh chatter behind him, although farther away. Jamuna and Bob were still behind him, running. He was approaching a small clearing and knew he’d have a second or two at most for a clearer shot. Tracking it's inhuman movements as quickly and safely as he could without tripping over everything, he began to take aim. The clearing was just ahead, the last tree was extremely tall and a couple of its branches dipped groundward somewhat.

The Yara dropped and when it did Dean took a shot, then another right after.  _ I hit it!! In the forearm or hand, but I hit it!  _ It slowed but still ran incredibly fast in the tall grass as it shot through the clearing. It lept back up into another tree, a different species of tree which had far more foliage. He could see it struggle to reach the height it normally sought in the fig trees, leaving blood splatter and a handprint on the species it’d climbed. The tree spirits were thankfully still alerting, he followed the sounds and could still hear the two hunters behind him somewhere. The Yara had slowed but retreated to even greater heights. The trees cracked and birds were screeching and cawing loudly, almost as if they too were trying to disorient the creature and scare it's spirit away. He noticed the Yara turning, it was heading back in the direction of the road that ran behind the mausoleum. It was rocketing through the trees but Dean had the advantage of somewhat even terrain so close to the road. He was concerned that traffic might be an issue but given it was still so early in a rural area there didn’t seem to be anyone out. He dashed down the road side of the tree line for a clearer view of obstacles in front of him, he could see the other two hunters running on the other side should the Yara turn their way. Dean was running as fast as he could to keep up with the creature despite his energy waning. He saw it make an almost impossible vertical jump above the canopy, he waited to see where it would land...and it didn’t.

He abruptly stopped and looked around for signs of the tree spirits alerting to its direction. There were none, he could see Bob and Jamuna a few trees in, they were equally stunned and confused. All roamed around for a few minutes, looking and searching for clues as to where the Yara could have gone. They were close to the mausoleum but it would not have gone unnoticed if the creature had dropped down and ran along the roof or among the now broken tombstones.  

“Did you see which direction it went?” Dean asked Bob, his violent red hair sticking out all over from running.  

Bob shook his head, Jamuna said curiously, “We saw it jump up, incredibly high but it never came back down.”

“Well it had to come back somewhere. The roof of the mausoleum is too far off for it to land there. The branches are too thin for him to have continued this path. He must’ve dropped down somewhere and we missed it,” Dean surmised.

“Regardless, we now have a general idea of where it's home tree could be. The quake clearly frightened it. We were just south of the falls when it hit and the spirits had begun alerting we think just east of there. We can double our efforts in this track now,” Jamuna stated with cautious relief. Just then Dean's phone buzzed with a text.

 

**Dean?**

 

His heart ached, he was still so distraught but also full of worry about Cas since the quake was strong and caused uncertain damage. Hopefully no one was hurt or killed. If he could text though, it was good news. He texted back:

 

**Tracking w/Bob & Jamuna, quake stirred up Yara. You’re safe?**

 

“Do we know anything yet about the damage?” Dean asked.

“Nothing yet, we’re coming off of second shift. Jamuna why don’t you text Arri and I’ll check in with Alden to see if anyone needs assistance,” Bob suggested. She was already dialing, when a reply text came thru to Dean.

 

**In Beenleigh with Alden, museum had opening. May be turning around, he’s fielding calls from tribal families possibly needing help.**

 

Dean replied:

 

**Keep me in the loop**

  
  


“Arri is reporting damage at the Visitor's Center, a few businesses, and various residences have called in with damage reports both with and without injury” Jamuna offered.

Bob got off the phone with Alden a minute later, “Minor injuries in Cedar Creek, a few kids at the youth camp on the east side are being treated as well. However, the Bonner and Douglas families have called for ambulance services, it’s unclear what’s happening but perhaps we should see what help we can provide, if any.”

_ Jobeka’s family? Oh no. “ _ I’ll go to the Douglas family if that’s alright?” Dean hoped.

“Sure, thank you for your help. From what I’ve heard of Castiel and now seen from you..well, you’re clearly an exceptional hunter. We’re very glad to have your help,” Jamuna thanked, “I’ll report this morning's activities to Arri. He’ll contact you when he can.”

Dean nodded, shook her hand, waved goodbye to Bob and took off for the car to see what was happening at the Douglas home. He found the cottages intact, although theirs had a few more cracks and busts in it than he remembered. The flat screen tv was shattered and hanging by a thread, which he discovered by having a bitch of a time getting through the front door. The candles were knocked over but he’d had the foresight to blow them out hours earlier. He felt a pang of sadness when looking at the broken headboard and found himself hoping very much it could be repaired. At least he wouldn’t have to have  _ that _ embarrassing convo with the reception desk at check out, thanks to the earthquake. He swiped the keys to the Malibu, made sure he had his wallet, and ran out.

~*~*~

When Alden started receiving calls they had just pulled in to the museum. It was obvious that the quake had hit more than just the greater Tamborine area. Neither of them had felt anything, although there had been a moment when Alden had to swerve to avoid a few animals skittering across the road in an odd fashion. The museum's entryway had cracks in the roof and down the sides through a few of the now exposed support beams. The right rear section of the building, only a single story, had caved in and Alden was clearly upset by this. “The special archives department is in the basement, just below. They’ve only begun digitizing our collection. Many tribal artifacts could be ruined. What writing does exist could be lost, I need to assess what's happened. Not only am I steward of my people, but our heritage as well.”

Cas nodded, he knew the First Peoples had little to no written language, so in addition to continuing the traditional storytelling, this preservational effort to shift their cultural history to written form was vital. They carefully made their way through the main entrance and down the halls. The elevator was obviously a no go so they took the stairs to the basement where they found a few museum employees frantically trying to move collection pieces into boxes under the more stable part of the roof to the first floor.

Alden became emotional, he’d obviously not expected anyone in this dangerous situation to be bothering with “things” when they could have and probably should have run to safety. “Are either of you injured?” He asked with deep concern.

“No, but we are trying to save what we can should the building collapse,” the Curator respectfully stated to Alden.

“Castiel, this is George Halt, Head Curator. And Cora Birch, Film Specialist. I can’t ask you to do this, please let’s wait til emergency services arrive and assess the structural integrity.”

“Pleased to meet you both,” Castiel didn’t offer his hand, as both employees had delicate looking items in their arms. Instead he offered his assistance. “May I help move anything?”

“I cannot stress enough how much I’d prefer you wait outside. I couldn’t stand it of anything happened to you both,” Alden pleaded.

“We appreciate that Alden, but we chose to work here on this project because of our passion for it. You underestimate its importance to non tribal members sometimes, please allow us to at least retrieve documents which have not yet been backed up. We have extensive digital photos of every item save literary works and drawings. Worse case, the photos of artifacts will exist, but let us focus on saving the written word, shall we?” Cora replied.

Alden had tears in his eyes, “Thank you both so much. What can I grab?”

“Collection artifacts can temporarily go to a few museums in Brisbane” George informed them, “but the documents...weren’t they with you Alden?”

“Yes, we have a space they were stored in our Kubun til we brought them here. I’d be happy to take them back until a better time can be found to resume the project.”

Cas was shown to the boxes of precious transcribed literature. He carefully worked with Alden to carry them quickly to his car.

When they were done Alden insisted, “You both MUST leave. I cannot abide this. As you said, pictures of our artifacts will survive a worst case scenario. We now must concern ourselves with preservation of life. Come with us, now.”

They all conceded and cautiously left the building together, walking out just as a few policemen pulled up. George and Cora stayed to report, initiating the handling of formalities while Cas and Alden decided to hightail it back to Tamborine to safely store the boxes and give all their attention to those perhaps in need.

~*~*~

Dean raced over to the Douglas family’s home as quickly and safely as he could. When he pulled up two ambulances were parked nearby, one of them had paramedics pulling Callum inside. He ran to him, looking him over.

“Cal what happened? Are you alright? Who else is hurt?”

“Oh God Dammit I’m fine, blasted garage! Been meaning to rebuild the fekkin’ thing for years! Tinkering around one minute and the next it collapsed on me, well my leg anyhow. They’ll be taking x-rays and such, how’s my Ali girl? Seen her? Won’t tell me a thing thing, this lot” he spat, ornery as shit and out of breath as he glared daggers at the paramedics.

“No I just got here but lemme see what I can find out for you,” Dean offered and squeezed his hand.

He jetted off to learn what he could about Alison, noting cracked foundations, ripped clothes lines, and broken windows as he darted between the homes and small structures. He rounded a corner to find Shasta in tears being held by Jobeka, who was wearing a severely pained expression and staring down at her daughter on the ground. Alison was crawling on all fours coughing and gasping. She was surrounded by paramedics and had some kind of apparatus around her head,  _ for breathing maybe? Oxygen Mask?  _ She kept trying to pull it off but they were trying to convince her to keep it on.

“Jobeka! Shasta! What’s going on with Alison?”

As Shasta was too distraught to answer, Jobeka tried to explain, “She was feeling miserable last night, her feet and ankles were swelling, she had a severe headache. We'd decided to call for an appointment this morning, but we felt the earthquake and Ali heard Cal hollering from the garage. She was trying to help him but all of sudden couldn’t breath. By the time I was out there calling for an ambulance she was coughing and water kept pouring out of her mouth. We thought it was asthma, but don’t understand where the water was coming from. It’s like she’s drowning, they are trying to give her oxygen but she’s refusing…..I don’t understand!!!” she cried.

It was alarming to Dean, who could tell this was a strong, stoic woman. He enveloped her and Shasta in a big hug. Looking around the place he could see the garage had literally folded and fell over sideways. Part of the roof was splintered and scattered around like the Jaws of Life had been at it.  _ Callum must’ve almost cleared the roof but got stuck. At least it didn’t break off in stakes, he could’ve had some hideous injuries. _

“They’ll find out, it’ll be ok. Can I drive you to the hospital? Which one are they taking them too?”

“Pindara, I think” Jobeka replied.

“Ok, grab some overnight things just in case. I’m gonna try to update Cal, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Dean ran back down the path to where he saw the first ambulance but it was already gone. He went back to find Alison on a stretcher and on her way to the second ambulance. Dean was amazed at what he saw, Alison looked as if she’d gained thirty pounds between yesterday and this morning.  _ Could she be having an allergic reaction? Anaphylaxis? Ah crap, poor thing is really sick. _

Jobeka and Shasta were ready to go in minutes, they were coasting down to Benowa as quickly as they could. The earthquake had caused damage all over apparently because the traffic was stop and go once they’d hit the 95 North. Fortunately Shasta knew a few back roads and they arrived just over an hour after they’d left. Callum had already gone through a battery of tests, the bloodwork revealed that aside from his continuing battle with cholesterol and a now belligerent attitude due to lack of information on his daughter, he was fine but waiting on x-ray results. Dean was able to relay what he saw of Alison before leaving and that Jobeka and Shasta hadn’t forgotten about him, they were just trying to get what information they could given she was the more concerning patient out of the two.

“Dean” Callum implored, “go be with my girls please. I’m just a pissy old coot who they’ll air cast and boot out until results come back. I’m so worried about my Ali girl, something ain’t been right and I know my Shasta and Jo gotta be worried sick. You can tell me when you know something, anything.”

Dean nodded, “Yes Sir” and set off on a mission to find out what he could about Alison. He decided to text Cas en route to the other trauma bays.

 

**At Pindara w/Douglas family. Callum-leg injury, Alison-serious respiratory issues. Will update later.**

 

He found Jobeka and Shasta in the E.R. waiting room, Jobeka was talking with a nurse and looking frustrated. He sat next to Shasta and asked what had occurred with Alison in the last 12 hours.

She sniffled and answered in sobs, “Throughout night she was itching all over, said her skin hurt, she was sick to her stomach, said the top of her head was killing her and her eyes looked so bloodshot..like she’d been drinking. But we really don’t drink much and definitely weren’t last night because she was so, so thirsty. She wouldn’t stop drinking water. She had her feet up, I noticed she was getting more and more puffy. I told her she was not going into work today, I made her promise to let me take her to the doctor. But we felt the quake hit and she’d been wheezing a bit and coughing before she thought she heard Dad. She ran out there before I was fully dressed and by the time Mom and I could get there she was on the ground gasping. It was so weird, she’d try to get air in but every time she’d exhale water would be coming out of her mouth and she’d start coughing all over again. She kept trying to get to Dad but couldn’t. None of it makes any sense!”

Dean put an arm around her and reassured her the doctors would find out how to solve the problem. Jobeka came back taking a seat on the other side of Dean and filled them in with worry in her voice. It was clear she was losing her resolve to not panic.

“They tried to keep the oxygen mask on her but there was just too much fluid in her lungs. They let her try to cough it out as long as she remained conscious, which so far she has. The traffic has held them up but they’ll be here any minute, said they’re waiting in trauma bay 1 for her. How’s Cal holding up?”

“I think he’s broken something but internally they say initial examines reveal he’s fine. Full of piss and vinegar because he’s not getting enough information on Alison, but I promised I’d deliver more news as soon as I could.”

“We’ll wait for Ali, you can go tell him we’re alright and she’s on her way,” Shasta suggested.

“No can do. I also promised I’d look after you both. We’ll let Alison get assessed and stabilized, then when there’s something solid I’ll deliver. She seems like a strong fighter, they’ll figure this out and then she’ll kick it in the ass.”

The nurse returned to let them know Alison was being brought in and a doctor would be speaking with them as soon as they knew anything. Dean actually found himself praying for her. He wasn’t sure to whom he was praying, but in her he saw himself and a touch of Sam. He wanted all the help that could be mustered, and figured it couldn’t hurt to ask. Just then a text came through:

 

**Back in town, securing some of tribal archives in Kubun. Then heading out to help where needed. Don’t hesitate to call if I can be of any** **_particular_ ** **assistance.**

 

Normally he’d take advantage of that particular type of assistance for Alison but until they figured out what was going on with his mojo he preferred to reserve it for only the most dire circumstances. If things here turned that far south he’d definitely call, but until then he wanted to trust in the medical professionals. 

 

**Will do.**

 

After a nerve wracking forty five minutes a nurse informed them she had been stabilized, admitted, and sent upstairs for further testing and treatment. They were free to visit her, the doctor would be in at some point to discuss preliminary findings. They all made a sigh of relief that she seemed out of immediate danger and B lined it up to her room. They found her sleeping with an oxygen mask, she was very pale and still look enormously puffy and uncomfortable. While most of the tubes attached to her were connected with monitors near or above her head, Dean noticed a thick tube spilling over the foot of the bed from under the covers emptying into a bag hanging just to the side.  _ A Foley catheter….Sam had one of those for a little while after the trials, before Gadreel..whatever, it's probably the best way to get any excess fluid off. But what in the Hell has happened to her so quickly?  _

It was an awkward room, a corner room...not ninety degrees but wonky shaped, not enough space for a roommate. It left plenty of room though for three chairs which were brought in for them by an extremely young, and jovial nurse. He was exceptionally tall, of Asian decent, and exuded a confident sort of calm in how he fussed incessantly over Alison, seeing to her every need and also endeavored to make them just as comfortable. Dean lost count of how many times he’d administered meds, obsessed over the placement of lines, emptied the bag, charted the measurement and value of everything imaginable, and still attempted to cheer them up. He was so grateful for this guy and the care he showed his patient and her family. He made a point to glance at his name badge, which read Rick Biel. He would be giving him honorable mention to hospital administration because this was how every patient deserved to be cared for. After another hour of waiting, Rick finally dropped off some lab results for the doctor to review with them...if one ever showed up. Dean went out into the hall to chat with him.

“Hey man, thank you so much for how you’re treating Alison and her family. They’re friends of mine and I really appreciate it. Her dad’s downstairs in the ER getting patched up and is desperate for information about what's going on, is there anything you can tell me?” Dean asked.

“The doctor will have to go over the test results and diagnosis with you, unfortunately hospital policy prohibits me from disclosing the particulars. But I can say that her chart indicates a very high blood pressure on arrival...210/148, her heart rate was quite elevated at 166, and she was in significant respiratory distress.”

“So what, crazy asthma attack? Bad allergic reaction to something? ”

“Hardly, severe pulmonary edema. Her lungs were filling with fluid so rapidly there was nowhere else for it to go but out.”

“Her mom said it looked like she was drowning…”

“That would basically be correct, yes. She was stable enough after some IV meds to understand and consent to catheterization and get a very general idea of what the doctors are concerned about. Right now that's all I can share with you until internal medicine is available to further explain. If her mother will give me verbal consent and her father's name, I’ll be happy to call down there and see if we can’t patch you through,” Rick offered warmly.

“Yeah sure, I’ll go get her. Thanks again so much.”

Dean brought Jobeka out to speak with Nurse Rick which also gave him an opportunity to swipe the results from behind the door and call Cas.

The phone rang twice, “Dean, are they ok?”

Hearing Cas’s voice was a relief with a side of dull pain in his chest. After the last several hours he just wanted things to go back to the way they were before, cursed nightmares be damned. He swallowed it down and focused. “Cal is downstairs probably with a broken leg and just plain pissed off more than anything else. But Alison is sick.  _ Really  _ sick. She hasn’t been feeling well lately, been tired, sluggish. She came home early from work yesterday when I was helping with the car, got a headache, became really thirsty and swelled up big time. She looks like a completely different person. Then when Cal got his leg crunched this morning she had trouble breathing and they all said she had water coming out when she tried to breathe or cough. We have test results back but no clue when the doc will be in to explain. Can I read them to see if you can make any sense of it?”

“I’ll do my best, of course. Go ahead.”

“Alright...uh..says here

Cholesterol-209

……………

……………

……………

Potassium-7.9

Sodium-192

…………….

…………….

Creatinine-3.8

……………..

GFR-14”

“Wait wait Dean! Fourteen??? That explains the other values so far out of range.”

“What’s GFR?”

“It stands for Glomerular Filtration Rate. Basically it’s a percentage measuring how well her kidneys filter toxins from her body. Anything less than 90% usually means irreversible damage and inevitable transplant or death. Her kidneys are functioning at 14% and her creatinine is high, her potassium and sodium too. Kidney distress can also elevate cholesterol, it's an usually high number for someone following a vegan diet. The GFR explains the other values perfectly. Dean, she’s in acute kidney failure. I’m so sorry for her….hopefully the doctors will have good treatment options available.”

“How could her doctors miss this? There must have been signs, your kidneys just don’t tank if you’re healthy.”

“Typically the only outward symptom is fatigue. Sometimes a person's eyes or even their skin can turn yellow. But unless the doctors are alerted to something specific then often people go in after suffering for a very long time and get hit with the news. Do you want me to come in and try to help?”

“That’s not my call, I’ll tell Jobeka and Callum. I would want you here yesterday if she were my daughter but it’s gotta be up to them.”

“I understand, wish I could be of more help….” the double meaning in those words hung in the air like millstones around their necks. Both were unsure what to say next.

“Let me know what's going on there, I’ll call if something changes here.”

“Of course Dean, thank you.”

The silence when Dean hung up was deafening. His chest hurt, it felt akin to a wound picked at and slightly reopened. The thought to grab some air crossed his mind but a beautiful, petite, Indian woman looking very physician-like walked in at that moment, searching for the lab results.

“Sorry Doc, just trying to make heads or tails of the numbers here,” Dean confessed sheepishly, handing her the folder. Jobeka came scurrying in from the hallway just behind the woman.

“No harm in that, we welcome loved ones interest. I’m Doctor Virginia Matthews, from the Nephrology department. You are?”

“Dean Winchester, family friend. But uh..here’s Shasta, Alison’s girlfriend and mom Jobeka is right behind you.”

Dr. Matthews slid over to the wall so Jobeka could sit beside Shasta and listen.

“It’s lovely to meet you all and sorry it’s been such a rough morning. I understand Dad was injured and is currently down in emergency?”

“Yes that’s correct,” Jobeka confirmed.

“Alright, as far as I know you’ve not been informed of Alison's results or current diagnosis. How long has she been feeling unwell?”

“It’s been coming on for maybe two months now, last few weeks it's gotten worse,” Jobeka said.

“And she’s not been seen for any of the current symptoms?”

“No, we agreed she would be calling first thing this morning for an appointment but we all got off track with the earthquake and my husband….”

“Understandable. Well, what I have to tell you may be surprising then. I am a kidney specialist, between Alison's symptoms and blood work I can safely say she is in end stage kidney failure. Since she’s neither sustained significant injury to the region, nor has she been extremely ill in the last six months, then the only explanation for the sudden onset is a type of kidney disease. There are a few I’m suspicious of given the numbers here, but we need to do a biopsy that’ll determine which disease and from there we can review appropriate treatment options. The most concerning issue at the moment is getting all this fluid off of her, it needs to come off immediately but there’s such a large amount in her lungs we must be careful not to trigger heart failure by removing it too quickly. The IV medicine she’s on is effective, we prescribe it in smaller doses for daily maintenance, but from the output Rick’s been recording it’s still coming off too slowly. It will take a minimum of two months for a dialysis access to heal and mature enough for use so for now I strongly recommend we pop a permacath in her artery here…” she pointed to her neck and chest. “It’s a temporary placement, but it would allow her to be ready by this afternoon for emergency dialysis. We’ll keep the Foley catheter in and dialysis will run a treatment course of about three hours enabling us to pull off far more fluid and relieve the stress on her heart, but not  _ too  _ quickly.”

Jobeka just sat there, stunned. Shasta had silent tears falling down her face. It was so much to take in, but Jobeka recovered immediately.

“Please do whatever you feel is necessary for her to get better safely. I know she’ll consent to this.”

Shasta looked at Dr. Matthews and nodded in agreement.

“I’ll bring in papers to sign. Also, I’m eager to know your family history, her diet, what faith she and you practice.”

“Her diet? You don’t think it was to blame for this sudden onset do you?” Shasta asked full of concern.

“Hardly, aside from the concerning values that led to her current diagnosis I’m very impressed at how healthy she is. Which diet does she follow?”

“Plant based, we’re vegan. I always try to stay current with nutritional studies and research to make sure we’re all getting what we need and nothing indicates kidney complications if properly followed.”

“I’m very pleased to hear this! Her recovery will go quite smoothly then. We’ve been recommending the Paleo and Plant based diets to our nephrology patients for over two years now with outstanding results from those who participate. You needn’t worry that it caused harm, in fact it likely prevented her from succumbing sooner. She’s lucky to have such wonderful support. Do any of you have any questions before I leave?”

“My head is swimming right now with everything going on..I'll start a list though,” Jobeka answered.

“I’ll be here on call for the next 48 hours so please,  _ please _ call me with any questions or concerns. I look forward to speaking with you further to clarify and ease your minds.”

“Hey Doc, I have one. When you get the biopsy results back will they indicate what caused this sudden onset?” Dean wondered.

“I can definitively say that with what she likely has, we’ll certainly determine the road it took to this point. But modern medicine is currently unable to detect what specifically turns the ignition over in the first place.”

She looked like she truly wished to give them each what they wanted to hear, but as a medical doctor her weapons against disease and death were limited. This was something Dean could relate with far too well. She left the room and Dean felt he should give the family some quiet time to process. Alison was still sleeping, but the news would be easier to chew on from the people she knew and loved best.

“Can I get you both something from the cafeteria...coffee or…”

Jobeka took a deep breath with renewed resolve, “Dean, thank you so much for being here. I could use some coffee, yes. Callum can be a feisty pain in my rump when he’s unwell and this whole mess of a morning is just one big pickle. Shasta?”

She shook her head and looked at Alison with increasing strength, “I’m going to fix her. Food is medicine. She’ll feel better soon, you’ll see.”

It wasn’t a misguided declaration that her food was a cure all, but renewed faith in herself, in her role as Alison’s partner in crime for life to provide the healthiest support she knew how.

“Well ya can’t do it on an empty stomach. Why don’t I bring a few things back for you to snack on when yer up to it? May as well swing by the ER too, or would you prefer to fill him in Jobeka?” Dean asked.

“You heard the same speech I did, honestly nothing will change in the next few hours with Ali and I’d like some news on my cantankerous wombat of a husband, if you please. I gotta call Linda too, she won’t be happy about Ali but she also needs to know how helpful you and Castiel have been so far,” Jobeka winked at him.

How in the Hell she could remain so calm through this shit show of a morning was beyond him.

“Eh, I dunno about that. But certainly haven’t made it any worse I s’pose” he fidgeted, never really having known how to take compliments all that well.

He mosied out of the room into the hall and nearly collided with Rick.

“Hey, don’t worry about the phone call, I’m headed down there now.”

“I was just going to let you guys know they’ve admitted him on to this floor, south wing. I’m not his nurse but having him so close will help with the communication part for sure. I wrote down the room number for you.”

“Thanks, I thought it was a broken leg...what’s he admitted for?”

Rick gave Dean the “You know I can’t tell you that” look, but did warn him, “I can safely say it wasn’t for his pitching arm. Watch out for flying bed pans with that one dude,” he said with a grin and turned down the hall.

Dean suppressed a chuckle and headed down the opposite end of the hall towards Callum. He turned to the south wing and after a few minutes realized finding him wouldn’t be a problem. His furious bellowing could be heard far and wide.

“I said I don’t want any more of yer fekkin’ pain meds! I wanna know about my daughter, now where is she?!”

Dean could hear the hushed voices of a few people trying to calm him down.

“Of course it’s Goddamn bloody elevated! What do you think seeing your daughter nearly passing out in front of ya during an earthquake does to ya? It’s not gonna magically drop, I ain’t the damn Buddha of hypertensive solutions! Woman-you wave that shit stick thermometer at me one more time so help me I’ll kick it so far up yer arce you’ll be farting digital readings for a fekkin’ month!”

Dean was trying like heck to keep a straight face, but found it incredibly difficult. He knew whatever was happening in there, the poor nurses probably didn’t deserve Callum’s wrath. But Hell if the man wasn’t Deans hero, if he was lucky enough to reach that age he was gonna go down swinging too...sorta reminded him of Bobby, the crotchety bastard. He smiled, but decided to take pity on the nurses who were likely just trying to chart his vitals and be on their merry….so he sprinted the rest of the way.

“Whoa whoa Callum, buddy! Don’t shoot the messenger alright?”

Dean had thrown his hands up in surrender the second he walked through the door. A young woman in scrubs was making a hasty retreat backwards out of the room with the vitals cart in front of her as a shield on wheels. There in bed, was red faced Callum holding up a full water pitcher ready to aim and fire should the poor woman return. If he had more cheerful news to deliver, Dean would’ve given the hilarious scene the proper laugh to which it was entitled.

“Ah Dean, what news?!” he said huffing and wheezing, but instantly lowering the pitcher in hand to it's table tray.

“She’s stable and sleeping...but maybe not for long since she’s practically down the hall from here. You’re loud and riled enough to make Sherman's second march. Let’s take the proverbial chill pill, eh?”

“Sorry. They want to put me in a stupor, all cross eyed and drooling the stuff makes me. I don’t want anymore meds. They make me feel like a damn zombie and it's their fault I’m up here...thanks for that again Nurse Ratched, EH?!” he hollered again towards the hall to nobody in particular.

“What the Hell happened?” Dean demanded.

“Eeerrrhhh” he growled, “My femur is shattered and my hip was dislocated. Soon as they tried to snap it back in place they put a crack in my pelvis. Sent me to x-ray to confirm and sure as shit they broke the damn thing. Going on about partial hip replacement….blah blah blah. So now I’m more screwed up than when I came in and still don’t know squat about my Ali! You’re here, I promise to behave. There’s a chair. SIT. TELL. PLEASE.”

Thirty minutes later Dean was still bedside with Callum while the man cried. He was surprised to realize that if it were Claire in that bed and not Alison, his reaction wouldn’t be too different. The brat was just like him, perhaps with more of a chip on her shoulder but that was something he’d never blame or judge her for. There was always a soft spot in him for kids, Cas was certainly not her father but cared for her nonetheless, which meant by extension so did Dean.

He did his best to reel Callum back in from the guilt trip he was only too familiar with. All he could do was reassure him there was no way for even Alison to have understood what was happening to her. When Callum seemed alright, Dean assured him he was taking care of his family and that he needed to get them food. He left him with a promise to return later, hopefully with more news.

While he was in the cafeteria selecting food he bumped into Rick, who happened to be on a lunch break. “We meet again…” Dean laughed.

Rick smiled and asked, “How is our dear Mr. Douglas doing?”

“You weren’t kidding about his pitching arm. Gotta say though, can’t blame him much given that ‘whoopsy-daisy’ downstairs.”

“It’s more common than people realize, especially with the pelvis, even with the most seasoned doctors. Nature of the injury I’m afraid. I’ll do my best to see that he visits his daughter as often as possible, or at least speaks with her regularly.”

“Thanks, I’ll let Jobeka know. I don’t mean to be nosy and we just met but you don’t seem very old, yet the way you run the floor and manage Alison's care is more like you’re really in your zone. Been through hospital stays and visits a lot in my day and it's good to know the family is in such capable hands. How’d you get into the field?”

“Mmmm, recently fell into it I guess. Just felt like a worthy calling. Family business was pointing me elsewhere but suddenly there was opportunity to explore new avenues and this seemed..a very right fit.”

“Well, sure I’ll be seeing you around soon. Thanks again.”

Rick waved and Dean returned to Alison’s room with coffee, tea, fruit salads, and croissants. Alison was awake, but groggy. She’d been updated and smiled at Dean when he walked in, however remained very quiet. He knew that look, he’d worn it so often himself. She was humoring her mom and girlfriend, but all she really wanted was to be left the Hell alone for a bit to process the situation.

“Good news and bad news ladies, which do you want first?” he said sarcastically.

“Get the bad over with already please,” Shasta implored.

“Apparently Callums femur is shattered and his hip was dislocated. When trying to reduce it, his pelvis was broken and he’ll be needing surgery for both.”

Incredulous cacophony erupted and Dean did his best to calm them. “Want the good news or not?” They waited patiently for him to deliver it.

“He was admitted, so now he’s down the hall and around the corner for you to hen all ya want. Warning though, his claws may still be out if his meds haven’t kicked in but that ain’t a shocker to you girls now is it?”

He smiled as they popped up and gave him a hug before starting off to see him. As they all left, Dean turned to give Alison a wink of understanding, he saw her nod in comprehension and mouth a silent “thank you” before closing her eyes again. He closed the door for added peace and caught up with Shasta and Jobeka. He asked to speak with Jobeka privately for a minute, she gladly hung back to hear him out as Callums other daughter bounded eagerly to his room.

“I spoke with Cas before Dr. Matthews came in, he’d like me to pass on the offer of healing Alison, to the degree he’s capable of at least.”

She placed her hand over her heart, but shook her head, “bless him.” She stood in pensive silence for a bit, as if searching carefully for the exact words. “Such a kind man. I’m not sure it’s best until we have more pieces to the bigger picture, may I think on it?” she asked with sincerity, hoping to not offend by declining such a generous and miraculous offer.

“Of course, take all the time you need. He’ll understand and respect whatever

decision you make.” ???? _ Not the choice I would have made, but still hers to make. _

She drew him into a bear hug, “Your time here is signaling change Dean. You and Cas are key to it, why don’t you head back and help your angel with whatever the needs of today reveal, hmm?” She patted his shoulder, releasing him from whatever duty her husband placed upon him for now. He admired her tranquility and faith so much.

“Text me what to bring you tomorrow alright? You promise?” he said as he wagged a finger her way.

“Absolutely.”

When he got out to the car he felt his phone buzz with a text alert from Grace.

 

**I’m afraid we’ll have to try for another day, please text though if you need to reach me for anything. Stay safe.**

 

Not that the meetings were the highlight of his day, but now he’d have even more free time on his hands. Time to sit and think about things. _ That’s not gonna happen. I’ll put in the mandatory twenty minute homework but then...got to find something.  _ He texted Arri:

 

**Douglas family at Pindara, on my way back. What can I help with?**

 

He made it back to Tamborine after an hour and a half of traffic. The general area was congested with emergency vehicles and news crews. He checked his phone after getting back to the cottage and showering. Arri had finally texted back:

 

**Nothing now, but will text later. Have results, reports, profiles, etc. at station for you. Also, Nalo is available today/tomorrow for interview. Borobi, Minjei, Deedee roaming park now if interested.**

 

He finished dressing and replied:

 

**Sounds good, thanks. Can u send me Nalo’s #? I’ll set it up, then head over to the park in a while.**

 

He remembered the mess at the Douglas residence and wanted to see if he could clean anything up for Callum. Or at least secure certain items in the garage so they weren’t exposed to the heat and sunlight. He drove over to their home and surveyed the damage. He tried the extra key on the Malibu ring and went through the house making sure lights were off, air system was down, and there was no gas leaking. Something had been spilled in the kitchen so he cleaned that up and went outside to the garage...or more accurately, the heap. It looked like the shed on the side of the home was open, perhaps Cal had been going back and forth with a project. Dean wouldn’t be able to retrieve much from under the fallen structure but he did spot a few items that would fit perfectly in the shed. He found a towel and transferred a car battery over, as well as some aerosol cans that definitely did not belong in direct sunlight. He found some oil, gasoline, and several small tools which he wiped off and placed near the battery. 

There wasn’t much else he could do, but something small fluttering in the tall grass near another home caught his attention. It looked like a piece of paper but when he caught up with it's tumbling he could see it was a photograph. He picked it up and pulled back an edge which had been smashed over causing a huge crease through people in the picture. It was older, worn, and discolored but Dean instantly knew he had to take it. The memory captured in time was of a younger, mirthful Callum sitting in the driver's seat of the Malibu, with two beautifully happy little girls about the age of ten on his lap. Jobeka had obviously taken the picture which now had the crease separating Shasta from Alison and Callum.  _ This won’t do.  _ He flattened the photograph out as best he could and then did one last sweep of the home and property to make sure everything was as safe and secure as he could leave it.

He had texted Nalo before arriving at the house and found a reply, but it was from his twin brother Finlay:

 

**We’re home today w/younger riff raff. Free this afternoon, come on over anytime. Shoot me a text when u pull up, meet ya outside. Our address…**

 

He wrote back he’d be over in a little bit, he had to make a stop first. 

Thirty minutes later found him driving north along 92 which hugged the north east side of the park. He turned on to Karen Court and texted Finlay he’d arrived as instructed. There were three kids running through the front yard in swimwear with Nerf Super Soakers chasing a teenager holding the measly water hose and being good sport about it. Finlay rounded the corner behind the three musketeers with a giant water gun and began drenching the gang from behind. They squealed in surprise and delight, then turned on him with a wet dog pile. It was quite a scene, Dean couldn’t help letting a small giggle escape. After the attack dissipated Finlay popped up with a smile, “How are ya? Hoped we hadn’t finally scared you off with our spiders, monsters, and quakes.”

“I’ve yet to see a mutant spider but they just might scare me more than the other two with the way you grow them here,” Dean laughed.

“Let’s take a walk before ya go in with Nalo, just wanna give you a heads up about a few things first.”

“Sure.”

They began walking down the sidewalk, there were many tiny homes here. Several families living closely with children playing outside. It was clean and cheerful. “How is your brother doing? I’m aware of what happened and it's sounds terrible.”

“You don’t know the half of it. My brother has spent the last week pissed out of his mind trying forget the world.”

“I get it. Seeing vile things happen comes with the job. I’ve had my fair share too, it’s always hard losing friends.”

“She was my friend, my sister. For Nalo, she was his soul mate. We grew up together, she was like our triplet sister. Always she was over here hanging out, having dinner or us over at her house. Kunmanara Bilin had gifts, her IQ was 181, she was accepted into Mensa at the age of nine. It never made our relationships different, she was still our girl. She graduated three years ahead of us though, and accepted scholarships to Oxford in England. By the time she came back she was a Rhodes Scholar with Phd’s in Physics and Engineering. Nalo and I were high school dropouts. Our Dad left us about eight years ago, never came back. Mom had to work two, sometimes three jobs for us and our siblings. My brother and I couldn’t watch her do it on her own, it was too much. So we left school and got jobs to help out. When we were 20, she got pancreatic cancer, two months after they told her about it she was gone. We couldn’t let Child Services take our brothers and sisters. They don’t always get us in the same homes and the younger ones have been through enough. Nalo and I have two jobs each, our 17 year old brother is mature for his age thank God, he’s been really helpful with the kids. The tribe has worked hard to help keep us here together. When Kunmanara came back from studying in England, she had a future of endless possibilities. We had no high school diploma and a house payment. But she was so happy to be back, she always said we were family and never treated us any differently. Nalo could neither help falling for her, nor his insecurity. He never felt worthy of her, couldn't understand why she would come back here to settle for high school science teacher when she could’ve been inventing a new spaceship or a way to grow crops on Mars. So he suffered in silence for years..nearly ten years. Dean, the tension... I had to put up with it and finally demanded he say something cuz dammit she loved back, she was waiting for him to grow the fuck up and get over himself. He was finally gonna nut up but….anyways, he’s a right mess. Can’t put the bottle down, he’s alright around the kids, and even when he’s not then his wits are about him enough to stay in his room. He’s...managing today, shouldn’t have a problem recalling what you need, but if not then I’ve heard it from him both sober and drunk so I can fill in the blanks if necessary. Just needed to let you know in case you think he’s batshit crazy, he is and he isn’t.”

Dean’s stomach felt like it had twenty pounds of river rock sinking to the bottom.

“Wow...uh..I can completely understand how he’d be a mess after something like that,” was all he could say.

“So you can talk to him now, but maybe tread carefully.”

Dean nodded, “I appreciate you letting me know,” and they turned back to the house.

He couldn’t help but draw parallels between Nalo’s story and his own. Losing Cas like that would probably kill him, he hoped like Hell they could mend things.

They got back to the house and Finlay made sure Nalo was presentable to talk. Dean went into his room and introduced himself, recognizing the red glassy eyes of someone hopelessly bereaved. He sat down at Nalo’s desk and asked him to recall the night of the attack as best he could.

“We’d been hunting not far from here, over in Rodborough at the northernmost point of the park. It was early morning, about 3am. We’d been out since 1am with no sightings. Kunmanara and I started moving west along Cedar Creek and started hearing the trees alerting. But it was confusing, they were moving in opposite directions. We didn’t know at the time there were two Yara’s. We started to hear something else..and odd sound we couldn’t identify. But the Yara was suddenly there, we could make out a basic form loping through the trees and it was a clear night so we could see the tree line quite well. She shot after it and I followed. It moved along the creek for several minutes and then stopped, just stopped. We’d radioed for Bobyen and Jumin, they were coming as fast as they could. Then we heard the sound from before. It felt like it was close by and then it wasn’t, like it would come and go. We noticed the Yara had been listening and that's why it stopped. We couldn’t figure out why it would put itself at such risk for a sound. But we heard singing at that point.”

Dean felt a chill cascade down his spine, “like singing how?”

“Like a woman singing but the words were weird. We didn’t recognize them, it was creepy though. Kunmanara thought it sounded like a language she’d heard before or come across in her studies and the Yara was listening to the singing like it was a calling or summoning of sorts. It tried to follow wherever the sound was going. We were getting closer, almost sneaking up on it. It grunted with a funny rasping sound while it was trying to figure out which way to go. It was wearing something too, like a bone necklace or something, maybe a bracelet as well although it might’ve been made of something else. Odd smelling, like sandalwood mixed with another foul smelling ingredient. Kunmanara thought she would distract the Yara so I could pin it and call for our shamans. I had my knives, she was a strong badass, help was coming, we had every reason to think things were under control. When she startled it by grabbing the neck, she was flipped and dragged….she..sh..I’m sorry..sh-” he was white knuckled as he fought to keep himself in check.

Dean leaned forward, placing a comforting hand on the hunter's shoulder.

“No, Nalo man, it’s ok you don’t have to go there. Alden filled me in, it’s clear how exceptional she was and how much she meant to everyone. I really am so sorry you’ve lost her. Need to take a minute?”

“No…….no.”

“When you said the voice, the singing, was like a calling...what made you think that?”

“The way the Yara moved, listened. It’s not like we have thorough behavioral studies on these things from capture and observation. We catch them and give them back to the trees as quickly as we can so we don’t know everything about how it ‘usually’ responds to certain things. But I’d say when the voice stopped, the creature paused and listened, it moved exactly when the singing started up and then stopped when it did too. It’s behavior and movements were definitely correlated to whatever was going on with the singing.”

“So do you think it was maybe acting upon some instruction from the singing or was it trying to find the source of the singing?”

“I’d say it was trying to find the source, that's what it looked like to us.”

“And the singing itself, you said the words were unfamiliar but could you try to describe them or the tune?”

“It was like nothing I’d ever heard, but the sound creeped me out. Old and scary, like really old. Kunmanara though, she had thing for languages, one of her hobbies. She was really interested in them, especially dead ones like Aramaic, even Akkadian dialects. Anyways, she thought this reminded her of something associated with pre-Sanskrit writings.”

“This is good info man, thanks. I’m really so sorry about what happened. Cas and I are gonna do everything we can to help you guys end this bastard. You have my word. If you think of anything else, Finlay has my number, k?”

Nalo nodded, then dropped his head. Dean could see he was exhausted and done. He’d learned some interesting things to examine more in depth later. It was time to leave the guy in peace. He thanked Finlay and was getting in the car when Arri texted:

 

**At the station if you want to come over now for the information, or if you’re in the park somewhere I can meet you.**

 

Dean replied:

 

**Leaving Finlay’s now, was going to roam around Rodborough area.**

 

He rev’d up the Malibu and started out for the park. Arri quickly buzzed back with:

 

**Was going to drop Deedee off up there anyways, I’ll come to you and bring the files. We’d prefer no hunting alone, so she’ll tag along.**

 

It was only a two minute drive up 92 so he waited in the lot for them to arrive. He was completely on board with having a companion while hunting and made sure Arri knew this. There was no room for hero bullshit from anyone right now. Deedee proved absolutely lethal when Dean thoroughly embarrassed himself by screaming shamelessly as a Huntsman spider jumped from branch to branch in front of them. She threw a couple of knives and ended it nearly as quickly as Dean had spotted it.

“That thing hissed at me!! Oh my God it almost killed me, ooooh m’friggin Gawd!” he panted breathlessly while clutching his chest. Dean didn’t care at that moment that his voice was about four octaves higher than normal. Deedee raised an eyebrow at him while retrieving her knives...carefully.

“Nah, he would’ve bought you dinner and fucked you first. That was it's mating call,” she laughed. “Which means we need to be extra careful. The ritual is initiated by femalezzz,” she emphasized, “leaving their pheromones nearby. He picks up on it, does his song and dance, then they decide whose turn it is to be the Baby Mama. So keep a weathered eye, if you catch my drift.”

He actually had to check if he peed himself on that one.  _ Why can’t I just fight a damn Yara to the death, huh? Chuck, spiders aren’t cool man...not funny. Now I get the resting on the 7th day bit. You musta been drunk off yer ass after discovering what you could do with all that water and thought spiders would be the best prank ever, then had a hangover the next day but decided no take backs. F YOU Chuck. F YOU! _

The rest of the day went by rather quickly, albeit it was the most stressful stroll in the park of his life. Every sound, breeze, and brush against his clothes had him on edge, nearly convinced one of those eight legged bastards had hitched a ride and was gonna use him like a walking 7 Eleven Slurpee. This had the undesirable effect of him dipping, darting, squatting, jumping, and leaping out of the way of both real and imaginary biological obstacles...even though none of which happened to be another Huntsman. This seemed to bring Deedee great amusement, Dean knew he was overreacting but couldn’t help it. He did get familiar with this park section though, which he felt was certainly the most isolated he’d seen so far, but no less beautiful.

Night had fallen, he felt the day's fatigue set in along with hunger. He wasn’t going to cave but inevitably his belly gave him away and Deedee admitted she was ready to call it quits too. They radioed Jamuna and Finlay who’d come on shift an hour before, that they were done for the night with zero sightings to report. He gave Deedee a ride back to the department were she’d left her car, grabbed a few snacks from the gas station, and headed back to the cottages. He was prepared to shove through the front door again but was surprised to find maintenance had obviously paid a visit. The tv had been removed but had not yet replaced, the headboard had been repaired, and a few light bulbs were switched. Cas still wasn’t back from whatever he was assisting Alden with, which was fine seeing as he’d rather face the music after another shower and hopefully a decent night's sleep.

Dean felt so terribly conflicted about Cas. He’d never budge on what he felt was right, but Finlay’s account of Nalo’s ordeal was such a strong cautionary tale. His angel had died before and he’d never had the guts to share his heart, he’d been right there in that hunters place, remembering it made him heart sick. He hoped beyond hope they’d never be faced with that again but nobody ever knew.

After his shower he still felt uncomfortable at the thought of Cas being so close while they slept and left things unresolved. Maybe because he couldn’t handle the thought of being near if the angel decided he couldn’t bring himself to call him and Sam family. It made his chest ache with a slow burn, but he decided enough was enough, he couldn’t do anything more to improve or resolve the situation if Cas wasn’t there. So he may as well try to be good to himself and sleep. He pulled the top sheet off the massive bed, tucked a pillow under his arm, and set up camp on the comfy looking couch he’d officially started the day on. He hoped it closed a circle of discontent and that his angel would by some miracle be able to see how much he and Sam loved him, how much they would always love him. Most of all, that this love would be enough to convince the angel he deserved to be counted a true Winchester.

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

It was sometime after 11 when Alden dropped Cas off at the cottages. Most of the day and evening had been spent  speaking with tribal families whose homes had suffered damage and/or had sustained injuries themselves. Cas  teamed up with a few other people to field as many family assessments as quickly as possible. Then they’d relayed what was needed to Alden who was on the phone with other council members as they coordinated with local agencies. After most of those agencies closed down, even though many had extended their hours far beyond the usual, they’d focused on the individuals and families who were in need of only minor assistance. Cas made a few runs to catering businesses that were fortunately not affected and openly offering what they could to those that were. They’d learned the quake had registered as a 7.2 and wreaked havoc all along the Gold Coast Hinterland and as far inland as Goomburra and Killarney. Mt.Tamborine was a volcano, some were concerned about the activity and what it could stir up. Cas assured them, without divulging too much as to the why, that he knew for a fact it hadn’t erupted for  _ at least _ twenty million years and that they were all safe. 

When things had died down eventually and it seemed as if everyone's immediate needs had been met appropriately, Alden thanked him profusely for his help and had been eager to return him to his human. He felt Dean’s presence and hoped at this hour he'd be asleep so he slipped in as quietly as possible. Relief that his human was indeed safe and asleep washed through him, but then sadness sunk in as well. Knowing Dean had started the day in a manner so upsetting because of him was painful, it was clear he was still hurting, otherwise he’d be in bed where there was room for two. It stung him badly, but Cas knew Dean always needed space when dealing with emotional “crap”. He padded up the stairs to the bed and sat there, not tired at all. He decided he’d recount the stories of his favorite stars and their planetary systems to himself, hoping perhaps one day Dean would be interested in hearing about them...as he once had been.

Around four in the morning Cas noticed Dean started to kick and mumble. He stayed put on the bed, not wanting to jump the gun, but listened intently. Minutes passed, Dean's respiratory rate was increasing unevenly and he began making more jerking movements. Cas knew where it was headed so he lightly sprung off the bed down to the couch but stopped himself at the last step. Dean had wanted space. If he woke up to find Cas touching him in any way it might anger or annoy him, which was the last thing he wanted for Dean right now. He thought about alternative solutions, eventually an idea came to him and as Dean continued to spiral he quietly rifled through his bag and found what he was looking for neatly folded on the bottom. He pulled it close to his face and smelled it to be sure. Yes it smelled like his vessel, but in a good way since he cleaned both constantly.  _ I hope this is a suitable solution for now.  _ He scurried silently back to Dean who was beginning to grumble loudly in whatever he was nightmaring about this time. Lifting his head ever so carefully, Cas slid his neatly folded-in-half trench coat under his beloved's head and tucked the rest of it in between Dean's arms so that it rested with him just like a body pillow. Then he very wistfully retreated to the tiny kitchen counter directly opposite the couch and sadly slid to the floor to watch over him while still respecting his wishes for personal space. At this point he no longer cared if it was ‘creepy’, he enjoyed it and justified it with the legitimate argument that Dean had in fact hurt himself in the past when they couldn’t get to him quick enough. Dean was filled with worry over someone, not him but someone he greatly cared for. Cas used his grace to discover who specifically. Sam. It was dark and stormy but they were sheltered, a building..a church?  _ What’s Crowley doing there? Oh he’s tied up, and..poor Sam..he looks dreadful. His hands and arms are glowing! Are these the trials? _

“Look at him. Look how close we are! Other people will die if we don’t finish this!”

_ -Poor Dean, he’s hurting so much. He can’t stand the thought of Sam going through with this, him dying, and choosing to leave him.- _

_ “We finally have enough knowledge to turn the tide here. I can’t do it without you.” _

_ “You can barely do it with me! I mean you think I screw up everything I try, you think I need a chaperone, remember?” _

_ -Oh Sam, he wants you to stay so much. He loves you to the ends of the earth. But I know, I know exactly how you feel! I try and try and I ruin everything even though I only meant to fix it!- _

_ “You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin is? Was how many times I let you down. I can’t do that again. What happens when you’ve decided I can’t be trusted...again? Who you gonna turn to next time instead of me, huh? Another angel? Another vampire?” _

_ -How many times Dean have I let you down? Even when I thought I was doing the right thing? Just like Sam… oh my goodness how Sam is suffering here. I didn’t know, I was cut off! Metatron tricked me, took my grace and dumped me! Sam and I are the same in this, we’re tired of messing up and disappointing Dean. And I didn’t know how much Dean hurt over Sam.- _

_ “You seriously think that? Because none of it is true………..I know we’ve had our disagreements Hell I’ve said some junk that put you back on your heels....I killed Benny to save you, I’m willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you! Don’t you DARE think that there is anything past or present that I would put in front of you. It’s never been like that, ever! I need you to see that! I’m begging you!” _

_ -Oh how many times I’ve messed up Dean, how I still manage to mess up! Probably still messing up somehow right now!!! But it’s Sammy, you have so much forgiveness in your heart for Sammy. Of course you would because he’s your brother. My brothers and sisters aren’t like that. You screw up you get reprogrammed. You screw up really bad you get reprogrammed and a memory wipe. I know Dean and Sam wouldn’t do that even if they could. That was made clear even this morning, he was so mad and hurt. Obviously that can’t happen. I won’t do that. Dean I love you, even though me and Sam have screwed up so badly and you’re angry you keep forgiving us. Is this a human family thing? Or a Winchester thing? I’ve been flattered you call me family, but I guess I never really tried to accept it and live it. Maybe now I need to try and if it doesn’t work out then at least I’ve had and lifetime of expecting things to change and it never happening.You said you want me to stay. I do want to stay but I have to clean up my mess! I need to find Kelly. If I can find her and sort this mess out then I will stay with you forever I promise!- _

Over the next two hours Dean’s twitching and grumbling did not improve, but they didn’t get any worse either. Cas sat there patiently, firming his resolve to  _ try _ actively being a Winchester. Deans heart rate eventually calmed, it was somewhat light outside when he stretched on the couch and opened his eyes. “Whaddya doin’ on the floor Cas?” he said sleepily. But then he noticed the trench coat he’d been hugging on like a teddy bear and wondered even more what was going on.

“Another nightmare, not as bad this time. Just making sure you didn’t hurt yourself. I gave you your space, I didn’t touch you except to give you my coat………….I promise” Cas answered nervously.

Dean slowly sat up, wiped his eyes, took a deep breath, and patted the couch cushion next to him in a summoning gesture. Cas gazed at him as if to say “ are..you sure?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself this early Cas,” he said with a hint of a grumble. He shifted himself so his back was comfortable against the pillow he’d slept on. The angel shuffled over and he sat criss cross facing Dean so their knees were touching. His human looked like he was going to start in with something painful but Cas simply had to get his feelings out. “Dean may I speak first since you got so much out of your system already and there wasn’t much time for me to respond even when I could figure out my thoughts?”

“Uh..yeah. Go ahead.”

“I don’t know  _ how _ you discovered my thoughts, certain assumptions were indeed made and my rash solution in hindsight was a terrible one, unforgivable really. I also gave thought to you and Sam. Of course I love Sam, not the same as you at all, but in a brotherly sense. My apologies at not quickly verbalizing this yesterday morning, but when I woke up from the wonderful night we had...the emotions coming off of you and you not being here had me confused. Then to find you so upset at me and to learn  _ why... _ I just couldn’t process or respond at the speed you required which seemed to irritate the situation even further. But I’ve been able to reflect and hope you’ll afford me the time now to share my thoughts.”

_ Please don’t let this be a break up speech, please oh please. I can’t take that.  _ He nodded for Cas to continue.

“You have been hurting since I’ve met you, but also long before. You are mine, pain and all. Your strength and resolve to always keep going is both admirable and inspirational. With my limited understanding of humans, I wrongly concluded that the source of all your pain sprung from our beginning. That your suffering from before Hell couldn’t even touch the pain in your soul compared to when I brought you back to Sam. Through these years I’ve seen you struggle, make mistakes, deal with the fallout from others mistakes including mine. I’ve seen the light in you dwindling each time I disappoint you. But for some reason you manage to generously forgive Sam, and you forgive me. Then when I leave to fix a mistake, you seem to fare much worse than when I’m around. As much self hate, sorrow, and anger you impose upon yourself when I’m around..you seem to bring it front and center exponentially when I depart. It seemed to me you were subconsciously using my presence to somehow dull the pain which is just another incorrect coping mechanism. The only things I’ve ever wanted for you were health and happiness. It felt like I was holding you back from truly healing and having the life everyone around you  _ except for _ you, knows you deserve. You would have it, even if it meant at the price of me in your life. I love you that much. But as usual I made a decision without all the information...it seems to happen with us a lot. If you care deeply for someone, you don’t ever want to see them suffer. Like Ben and Lisa for you, I know how hard that was.. _ will always be _ for you and yet again you were forced to make that call and experience it’s aftermath because of me. At what point do you reach your limit of hurting people you love before you decide it's better for them never to have known you? Believe me, I have my limit. But free will should always take precedence, and it was so wrong of me to even consider it. The desire to erase myself wasn’t so I could pretend or cover up my wrong doing. I was prepared to continue existing for the remainder of my long and potentially infinite life with the memories of the two most important souls in all the universe. It would’ve been an eternal penance for the unforgivable act of taking myself away from you and Sam, and it would’ve been no less than I’d deserve. I’m still not convinced I don’t. This brings me to the other thing...the other reason I’d sentence myself to such a grievous punishment with no end. You were right when lamenting over the realization you both had never  _ asked _ me if I cared to join your family. However, as always, I’m no less flattered. The ways of God's children, your conventions and customs, your dynamics are known to me still mostly in theory, not practice. I never thought there was another way to function in a family unit other than my own, which I’ve always questioned and in turn been punished for. So I was hesitant, reluctant even to learn what being in your family was like, in the practical sense. Yet I didn’t realize until yesterday just how much I’d been preventing myself from trying to learn what that’s like. Perhaps it’s because of what Heaven has become because of me. I struggle everyday with the damage I’ve caused and can’t fathom  disappointing, harming, or destroying you and Sam. But I do disappoint you,  _ am _ disappointing you constantly. I know you both aren’t perfect and to ruin what you have would end me. This is no way to live though, not becoming yourself for fear of failing is a living death. Sam messes up and you forgive him, I’ve messed up and you forgive me. This seems to be what human families do, or what a Winchester family does. I didn’t realize that the reason I’m so afraid of failing you both, the reason I haven’t taken that step to learn how to be a Winchester is more than me loving you two, it’s because I’ve already accepted the Winchesters in my grace as  _ my _ family. I said it when I was dying and I meant it, but I didn’t truly  _ understand it  _ until now. My range and scope of emotions really are different from yours, being human really drove that home. But it doesn’t mean they aren’t there in a strong way. I can’t ever know if they’ll measure the same as yours or Sam's, maybe it’s not even important. But whatever intensity my emotions are, they are correct, well placed. If you can forgive me yet again for messing up, I promise to stay around as often as possible and actively participate as a Winchester, to love you both the way you love me...but grant me a learning curve because I know I’m gonna fuck up at least twice as much as you guys do..which is a lot.   ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….ok I’m done. It’s your turn to talk now.”

His angel looked at him with such reproach and sincerity while his hands fidgeted nervously in his lap. Dean was so completely overwhelmed with relief he couldn’t believe he hadn’t rolled up in a bawling, blubbering mess yet. Weight began departing from his chest and shoulders. Unbeknownst to him, his angel could see it leave his soul as well. He didn’t know what to say, sometimes he was less a man of words and more a man of action. Dean wanted to convey the swell of hope that was expanding in his chest, just not with chatter. Pulling Cas’s face to his, he crushed their lips together in a passionate kiss. Both jumped back as the spark lashed back at them painfully, but neither cared. Like magnets they pulled back into each other. Cas kissed him and hugged him tight, he didn’t care how needy he probably appeared and it wasn’t nearly as close as either of them found remotely acceptable. They both suddenly stopped, clearly on the same brain wave and tore off their shirts. Cas began kissing Dean again, and they both got zapped a second time but it was less harsh. When he pulled Dean on top of him, eager hands moved to linger on hips and enjoyed the urgent rocking motion that brought on the delicious friction that was building. Deans hands were busy messing up the hair he couldn’t leave alone, he was torn between taking his time to enjoy every square inch of his angel or just plowing forward, clothes and all into that abyss they were both desperate for. Dean was loving the thick, starchy roughness of Cas’s cargo shorts he still had on from yesterday against his soft, paper thin pj’s. Even better was the increasingly firm length just behind the cargo’s that enthusiastically pushed and rubbed back at him. Somewhere along the way it had become a game of rolling, nudging and circling. Cas slid his hands under the pj’s to squeeze the now second favorite piece of Dean anatomy.

_ Mmmmm...Plowing into the abyss it is angel.  _ Dean began circling and thrusting his hips in wild abandon which elicited a gasp from Cas. His own ragged breathing and sinful sighs combined with the quickening movements were driving them both closer and closer.

“Mm..hm...Deannn” Cas said, not wanting to break contact.

“Mmm?”

“I’m, gonnnna cum...” he struggled to get out. His eyes were stunning sapphires and it made Dean's hormones go berserk.

“S’kinda..uh.mmm...the point..C-cas”

“Deaan..our..cclothes!”

“Ooooh, who cares just...cum in your shhorts..aah”

“Bu..uht..Dd-”

“It can...be laundry...day. Oahh..Plleasse...man...for the love of...I’ll take care of...mmm it. Just uh..uh..just cum Cas..don’t stop..feels too goood.”

At that moment it didn’t matter if Cas had any more protests or not because they fell simultaneously into that abyss together. Windows shook, light bulbs flickered, but nothing broke this time. About the thirty seconds later, when their rapid breathing had calmed Dean began peppering Cas’s neck with slow lingering kisses. He lazily moved up to his jaw and detangled his hand from Cas’s now sexed up hair, slithering it lightly and slowly down his angels beautifully tan chest and smooth tummy. It kept traveling in a southerly path to the button and zipper of the shorts which were opened in no time at all, and gently grasped and stroked the raging hard on the angel was still sporting. Cas froze, somewhat embarrassed in contrast to Dean who smiled in mischievous delight at the confirmed suspicion his Cas could indeed have  _ multiples.  _ The angels concern did not go unnoticed.

“What? I’m not mad, I’m  _ jealous”  _  Dean whispered while nuzzling their noses in adorable affection.

“Ss..sorry. I just don’t want you to think that I’m some sex mania-uuuhh” Cas quickly slipped back under the bliss of Dean's hands in  _ all  _ the right places.

“You were saying??” Dean beamed with pride at his power to render a messenger of God speechless with only a few strokes of his hand. But Cas was unable respond, as he nearly drowned in the affections and sensations wrought upon him by his human temptor. The human who spoke seductively to him while blessing him with kisses down his chest, his tummy, his hips...

“Remember Cas, you don’t apologize. You put it in my mouth.”

_ Uuughh good grief Dean, your insatiable craving for this part of me is unbelievably satisfying to watch, and dare I say addicting. Perhaps in the name of research someday we can test the theory that you are unable to tire of it. I already know I’m not. _

Dean gleefully continued his assault towards the sweet spot, not really caring about the mess,  _ that’s what a mouth or a shower is for and I’m so happy to provide.  _ He was just about to lay some serious love on a favored part of Cas anatomy when all of a sudden he was dumped to the hardwood floor as Cas sat up and barked an urgent “NO!”

“What the Hell? Next time just say you wanna change positions. I don’t care if you want to sit up…” he issued as he pulled Cas’s hips forward in elated enthusiasm.  _ Now where were we? _

Cas pushed him away carefully while looking for his phone.  _ Didn’t think we were at the video phase yet…” _

“Uh Cas _?” _

Cas gave up and grabbed Dean's arm, checking the watch on his wrist.

“Is this the correct time?” he urgently asked.

“Yeah, why?” he really did want to know, _ after  _ he gave his angels clearly uncomfortable erection additional morning loves.

While Cas was scanning the room for who knows what purpose, Dean slowly inched forward and attempted to lean into his distracted angels lap to relieve him of his condition.

“Dean!”

“What?!”  _ Dammit!  _ He innocently jumped back, totally not giving Cas his best attempt at Sammy dog eyes.

“It’s 7:40am! Alden will be here at 8 so we can go to Kubun and look for clues as I translate the archive material,” he said as he stood, completely oblivious that his shorts were down, his dick was out, and pointing directly to a kneeling, all too willing Dean as it's favourite solution for exhaustive measures.

“Ohdearallowmetohelpdestressyoursituation” Dean mumbled while licking his lips and leaning forward once again.

"DEAN!!!”

“Well Goddammit Cas! Ya can’t send him out in the world wavin’ hello to everybody like this. It’s cruel and unusual punishment!” he sat on his ass criss cross with his head down like he’d been rapped on the nose in discipline with a newspaper.

“For who exactly?” Cas said with amusement and mild irritation.

“You!..........me. And definitely Alden.”

That brought his attention back to the issue. “Shoot, no time for a shower,” he said, looking down at his tummy.

Deans hope returned, “Oh contraire mon petite chou there is!” he said with a proud, knowing look.

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes, “Why are you calling me a little cabbage in a bad French accent? I don’t have time for riddles.”  _ That sounded somewhat harsh. _

“Term of endearment, nevermind. Moving on.”

Dean took his hand, didn’t bother suggesting he fully disrobe because he was content to observe Cas bouncing along beside him and led him into the bathroom which displayed the double headed shower.

Dean rubbed his hands together in anticipation, “Ah?? Just imagine the adventurous possibilities my sexually disinterested,crunched-for-time lover.”

Cas warmed a little at the last word and recognized he might be over worrying just a smidge. He yanked off his shorts and underwear as Dean turned both shower heads on.

“Thank you Dean.”

Dean gave him a “I got ya covered buddy” wink and loped out of the room. Cas stepped right in, not needing to acclimate to the temperature, and got to washing. Dean pulled out clothes for Cas, he’d heard on the radio that one Hell of a tropical storm was expected that evening. He hoped it wouldn't cause much further damage to the region, these wonderful people had been through enough as of late. He grabbed clothes for himself and placed them on the bathroom counter before hopping in the shower with deviousness in his heart, right next to the warm glow that belonged to Cas.

Under the soothing spray he washed himself in front of Cas, who despite all his fussiness about Alden showing up was becoming increasingly transfixed on Dean. He tried to push it from his mind, he wanted so much to stay in the cottage all day with Dean having sex and snuggling, kissing...anything his human wanted.

He left his side to place his hands on Dean's face, “Are we ok now?”

Dean took a deep breath and pulled Cas in for a warm, securing embrace. “Yeah. Yeah, we are. I’m sorry I was so emotional, I’m still kinda pissed but we can talk it out later. I have questions and you’ve got to have them too. Just don’t be out all day of you can help it. I know we need to help, we are helping, but I want some “us time”. We need help too. You’re too important to lose Cas.”

Cas lifted his head to kiss Dean, he was centimeters away from the perfectly kissable lips and then-

“Very convincing Dean, especially the gently caressing,  _ hands on  _ approach you’re attempting which makes it very  _ hard  _  for me to leave today.”

“AH C’MON CAS!!!!! Yer killing me here!”

Cas rolled his eyes, thoroughly pained at Dean's damnable efforts. They were exasperating, endearing, and effective. Which at this moment he couldn’t afford.

He grabbed Dean by the shoulders, “Your dedication is admirable Dean, rest assured that both my penis and I would so much rather stay here in bed and cuddle all day with you. All I can do is promise we shall return to you unabused and eager. “

Dean let out a snort then a long, defeated sigh and laughed.

Cas popped the head tilt and Dean smiled, lightly biting his tongue and then confessed “I think you’re adorable,” while bringing him in for another hug. “I meant what I said though, we’ll talk later. You’re more important than you realize.”

“I know” Cas whispered.

“Careful, you were dangerously close to Han Solo’ing me right there,” Dean chuckled as he kissed Cas on the nose and left the shower.

He threw his clothes on and texted Jobeka for a list of items to bring them so their stay was more comfortable. Cas quickly got himself ready by three minutes to 8. He plopped on the couch that had been cleared up, and lay his head in Dean's lap expectantly. His human placed his hand over his heart, so Cas covered it with his own and waited. After a moment of nothing he nudged Dean's arm with his forehead.

“What?” Dean asked comically.

“My hair ain’t gonna scratch itself. You seemed bent on administering physically gratifying stress reduction methods to me earlier, so go ahead...have your way with me now,  _ lover”  _ Cas grinned.

“Dirty pool old man, dirty pool” Dean grinned back.

_ Shoot, I’m influencing on him again a little too much.  _ But of course he was happy to oblige, these moments were more amazing than he’d ever dreamed. After another five minutes Alden texted he was pulling up to the cottages. Cas sat up and kissed Dean tenderly, he really did wish he could stay. But he went for the door and was almost out when he felt swift movement behind him and was dragged back in and swept up in Dean's strong arms, his favorite human was kissing him and with every sweet press of his lips, every gentle sweep of his fingers against his cheek Dean was telling him how much he was cared for and cherished. Deans light, precious sighs were pleas to come back safe and stay with him. He pulled Dean's hand to his heart in one last gesture before he ripped off the proverbial band aid and took off with Alden.

Dean found a reply from Jobeka with a small list. He gathered clothes for the first load of laundry in the little front loading washer he discovered in a floor level bathroom cabinet. He thought,  _ well this sucks. Why am I so needy today? I always want him every which way but damn. Oh the morning we coulda had…..ahem...Jobeka’s, then Pindara, more laundry, and then..eh I’ll play it by ear and see what the weather will bring. _

The morning went rather smoothly, he found everything on Jobeka’s list without difficulty, the drive to Pindara was easy peasy but Dean could definitely see the serious storm clouds brewing. He arrived with the items requested and a little treat for the family. “I stopped by Curtis Cafe before leaving town and grabbed a cross bun for each of you, I’m already missing my cherry pie roll ups from Ladow’s Market back in Lebanon so thought a little taste of home could cheer you up.”

Shasta and Jobeka hugged him and gave thanks profusely. Shasta turned to Alison and broke the news, “Sorry Ali but I make these with wheat flour which is high in phosphorus.  All I need to do is swap two ingredients which will drop the phosphorus way down and you won't even taste the difference. First day we’re home I’ll whip a batch up just for you, love.”

“Someone’s done their homework, she’s lucky to have you Shasta,” Dean praised.

“S’ok..my appetite’s still off,” Alison said quietly.” Dean noticed the white bandages on her neck and chest. She looked exhausted, but far less puffy.

“It’ll get better, our bodies know when to eat and when to go light. I’ll have you right as rain in no time,” Shasta promised.

He excused himself from the girls to check on Callum, passing a cheerful nurse with a purpose in the hall named Rick. They smiled and waved in regard, both clearly on a mission. Cal seemed infinitely more calm in comparison to the previous day, Dean was certain it was due to hearing his daughter tell him herself she was ok. The first roll of thunder rumbled in the distance, deep and threatening. At that, Dean bid them farewell and set off back to Tamborine for lunch, laundry, and case files.

When he strolled through the door, Dean grabbed a Four Ex beer out of the six pack in the cottage fridge he’d bought a few days earlier. Hanging the finished laundry, he started another load and got comfy with the files on the bed. After a few hours he’d read through all the victims files including Judith Spade. He’d taken some of his own notes, had a few theories and even made a few phone calls. Hopefully he’d get a few in return,now all he could do was wait. He decided to try Dadirri, much to his surprise the rain which had begun to fall helped relax him quite a bit. When he opened his eyes at his alarm twenty minutes later he saw through the windows the rain was pouring down in the biggest droplets he’d ever seen. It was hypnotizing and made him miss Cas. He had been so put out not to finish this morning's activities properly. Now it felt like he was craving him even more. What time was it? Two? Three in the afternoon? Who knew when Cas planned on returning? Suddenly a solution railroaded through his mind, accompanied by a perfectly wicked gleam in his eyes.

~*~*~

Cas and Alden had been at Kubun all day, toiling away at the pages of lore. They weren’t even near finished and Alden had been surprised to find many translations were incorrect. Cas hated pointing them out but Alden was so thankful and the mistakes turned out to be fascinating in how they changed the context of stories and accounts. Alden wondered who had done the original attempts ages ago putting stories to paper but he felt it likely they weren’t a member of the tribe, perhaps a sociologist around the turn of the century.

They’d noticed the weather coming in, the humidity in the air when they had left for Alden to eat lunch was stifling. Cas marveled at Aldens foresight to build a basement with features conducive to archive preservation, otherwise the entire collection would have been a heaping pile of mildew decades earlier. Cas had been in the process of translating a Yugambeh variation of a general First Peoples folktale about a few sisters when out of nowhere he began receiving flashes and images...quite pornographic in nature.  _ Ooooooooh Dean what are you playing at?  _ More images came to him of not dressed Dean doing things with his also not dressed self. These also came with feelings of mischief, deviance, playfulness, devotion, longing, reverence, and.. _ worship?  _ Cas knew Dean would use this against him at some point, he’d hoped it wouldn’t be under these embarrassing circumstances but then that wouldn’t be Deans style now would it? He tried to ignore the  _ longing _ , if one could even appropriately categorize it as such but one image in particular continued to be laced within the waterfall of fuckery Dean was assaulting him with. It seemed somewhat shocking to Cas, but at the same time called forth a more primal aspect of himself he’d been keeping in check for fear of scaring Dean off. Each time the image was looped in a string of other adventurous ideas which were riling Cas up beyond belief, he noticed it had a particular flavor or sensation..as did a few others that were randomly thrown in. Almost as if Dean was hiding them in plain sight...because he was... _ shy? Embarrassed? How could he fear I’d ever consider passing judgement on something he wants or needs from me sexually?  _ Cas could definitely tell this was something Dean craved. An ocean of relief washed over him as he realized this could work, perfectly. He could carefully let himself out while simultaneously complementing Dean’s desires. He looked forward to seeing Dean later and perhaps very, very gently testing the water's. Cas did his best to refocus on the task at hand and almost succeeded when suddenly he was hit with a hormonal wall of lust, _ need.  _ It nearly took his breath away and if he hadn’t already been sitting down he was certain he would’ve fallen over.  _ Damn it Dean!!!! This was important!!  _ His irritation flared red hot as he stood with his cottage key in hand indicating to Alden it was probably best for them both to retire for the day so as not to get stuck out there in potential hazardous conditions.  _ Perhaps now is the time for a teachable moment from me Dean, in some fucking self control. _

Cas thanked Alden for the ride as they pulled up to the cottages and bid him a safe drive back in the truly heinous weather. The rain was pouring in sheets, soaking Cas’s clothes through to his skin as he wound his way from the parking lot along the path through the cottages to the one sheltering a guileful human who had no idea of the ire he’d wrought upon himself. As Cas turned the key and pushed open the door, a thunderclap boomed behind him like a hundred firing cannons sounding and an immediate, breathtaking display of lightning. There stood Dean by the stairs, arms crossed, fingers apprehensively toying with his lip, which sheepishly gave way to a smile. Cas had a nearly imperceptible, momentary slip in his anger at the unexpected scenery in front of him. For there stood Dean wearing a recently pressed trench coat, a certain tie, navy blue boxer briefs, and nothing else whatsoever.  _ You’re forgiven my love, for everything you’ve ever done.  _ Dean didn’t seem to notice the slip and his expression changed dramatically as Cas’s eyes blazed an ice cold sapphire with inhuman lust. Something snapped in him, akin to a dam breaking.  _ Well Dean, it appears we shall neither go gently, nor quietly into the night after all. _

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

Dean had a mild case of tummy butterflies, he hoped Cas would like what he came back to. He seemed game for what they’d done so far. He knew he’d be back soon, Cas sent a 10-4 on receiving his ‘imagery gifts’ via text stating a simple:

 

**Leaving now**

 

So he patiently waited by the stairs for his angel. He heard the door unlock, it flung open just as thunder and lightning ripped through the sky. Cas was quite the sight with a backdrop not unsimilar to a slow-mo waterfall in one of those Guy Ritchie films. His hair fell in front with water droplets descending like a shower, some clung to his eyes lashes which made those beautiful windows to the soul even more pale than usual. His forest green t-shirt was plastered to his fit form accentuating his chest, abdomen, and muscular arms. His now skin tight black jeans, were molded to those powerful thighs.  _ Gawd DAMN Merry Christmas to me!  _ Dean thought as he took in the glory of Cas. The angels expression turned suddenly, he prowled forward and flicked his wrist which blew the door shut with a smash. Dean's thoughts shifted from festive to  _ is he pissed? Oh shit! He’s pissed! Holy Hell he might kill me! Oh shit! Oh shit! I’m dead meat. _

Cas reached for the tie, pulled Dean around and slammed him against the wall between the door and the small desk nestled at the bottom of the stairs. The hunter found himself pinned by Cas’s forearm and his hands above his head, wrists crossed against the wall. Angelic eyes flared at him, then Cas stood back slightly to examine his prey in further detail. He moved his right arm that had been pinning Dean’s chest, and took the lapel of his coat in hand.

He gazed at Dean questioningly, asking “mine?” Cas’s eyes marginally softened in anticipation of a response.

Dean wanted to say yes, he really did, but upon opening his mouth no words would form. His throat was dry and his breath hitched, all he could do was nod. Cas pressed his whole body, drenched clothing and all against Dean, it was ice cold including the right hand sliding around his hip and beneath his underwear to grasp a handful of his ass. His other icy grip kept Dean's wrists still pinned above him. Cas dipped his head slightly, to tenderly kiss along his neck were the lapel of his coat rested. Two, three, four sweet kisses were enough to lull the hunter into a false sense of security right before his angel struck and punctured the skin of his neck centimeters away from the artery with lethal accuracy, biting and sucking in a sadistic tug of war. Unbeknownst to Dean, a trickle of blood had escaped and was dripping down his chest. For all he knew it was water from his angels perfect mane blessing him. He wouldn’t have cared if the cottage had been bombed at that moment, he was so far gone in a haze of euphoria and lust. Cas withdrew from his neck and peered into Dean's eyes, assessing him.  _ Still alive and conscious. _

He let go of Dean's ass and wrists as he peeled off his soaking wet t-shirt and chucked it to the floor with a squishy, water logged sound. Dean had let his arms begin to fall but quicker than lightning Cas had them pinned again with a threatening look in his eyes. The hunter gulped in surprise and got the message he was not to move them again, not to so much as twitch a muscle without permission.

Cas slipped the tie between his index and middle fingers just below the knot, lifted it slightly and quietly stated matter of factly, “mine.”

Again Dean couldn’t seem to form a word and opted to nod in awe at the usually weird, dorky little angel dominating the shit out of him.  _ Casanova returns… _

Cas lowered the tie slightly and let his hand cascade down the fabric as the other fingers ghosted down Dean's tummy leaving goosebumps and chills in their wake. He released his hold on Dean’s wrists again, with a promise of punishment in his eyes should he be disobeyed. Sliding both hands into the trench coat behind Dean's back he lightly yanked the hunters lower half forward away from the wall, and right against his still drenched jeans which were becoming painfully tight. He took the tie in his left hand, curling it around his fist, he tugged and held it to the left, exposing the trickle of blood that had made its way down Dean's chest. His right hand happily found it's way back to Dean's backside, so he began kissing and licking the mess that had escaped his neck. He worked his way down the hunter's chest, the trail stopped just above the nipple which Cas kissed softly and then bit, making Dean jump. Cas began sucking the pain away as he enclosed it in his mouth voraciously. Dean was teetering on the edge of not knowing which way was up or down, if he should be terrified or turned on. It felt like he was an insatiable mix of both. He was already shy and bit twice by Cas and honestly felt worried to find out where those incisors would strike next. Yet it was like a train wreck...he couldn’t look away, he  _ had to know.  _ Cas was suddenly on his knees in front of him and before Dean could protest his angel was kissing the inside of his thighs ever so softly. His brain said  _ don’t you dare go there  _ given the last few minutes, but his hips and already rock hard dick betrayed him with some suave,  _ come hither  _ motions. Cas’s hand cupped and squeezed between his human's legs. His eyes shone in a violent royal blue, and he growled inhumanly at Dean, “ _ MINE”. _

Next thing Dean knew he was gasping, stuttering, twitching, and something warm was happening down below. His head was swimming and he really thought he lost his damn mind. _Wha? What just happened? Did I just pee? I just peed myself, in front of Cas, think I’ll go crawl in a corner a die now thank you very much. Or did I cum?_ _Yep. I came._ He glanced down to check, apparently he was extremely thrilled about Cas’s latest claim on him. _That’s not any better asshole! Holy shit! But what was I supposed to do? Not like I could control it! I musta skipped over the chapter in the Celestial/Terrestrial Relationship Guidebook that covered what to do when your angel boyfriend is growling like Zool and looking at you like your his fucking Keymaster!!!!_

Cas merely gazed up at him in examination, with a raised eyebrow. He kept a firm hold on Dean despite the sticky evidence still seeping through. Something felt funny, Dean’s breath was ragged in his post orgasm state and the normally satisfying feeling that accompanies it began...going away. Not disappearing, no no no...more like it was being rewound,  _ taken away.  _ He gasped, it didn’t hurt but he equated it to a child having his candy  _ taken away. _ Only the physical, sexual version of it…..complete with the overwhelming desire to fuss and cry. If he wasn’t so stunned while it was happening he may have actually thrown a toddler fit because he felt so unjustly bereft.

But there wasn’t time because Cas had pulled his underwear down in front just barely enough to get what he was after, which apparently included draining the life out of him. When Dean looked down he didn’t see his angel gazing back at him for direction, approval, or to revel in his reaction. He wasn’t looking at Dean at all. In fact, the thought briefly crossed his mind that his mental presence may not have even been necessary. Cas was so far gone in his little world, his mouth enjoying every inch of him for nobody else but himself. Dean thought that was pretty much the hottest thing he’d ever seen in his life, and it felt even better than it looked. He felt awkward with his wrists still crossed against the wall but given that Cas was sucking him off like his life depended on it he decided he could deal. Oh he’d deal forever if need be. While Cas had pulled down his underwear in front, his hands worked their way up the backside to hold and squeeze Dean's butt while he lovingly sucked and tugged with his mouth. The angel looked positively blissful and started making needy little grunts and sighs which vibrated all around Dean's nether region. He started spiraling again, it felt so good but he didn’t want to finish early again...he’d been wanting to draw out time with Cas, cum  _ with him.  _ Which couldn't happen if the angel was bent on sucking him dry. That's exactly what seemed to be happening as Cas eagerly took Dean’s full length and even somehow managed to squeeze his throat muscles which gave the delightful sensation the head of his cock was being massaged and damn if that wasn’t the best thing ever. Dean bit is lower lip and closed his eyes, he was in heaven. Then Cas pulled off, gently pinned his cock to his belly and gave the boys some lovings too.  _ I was wrong, this is heaven. _

Dean wanted so badly to run his hands through Cas’s wet hair but was afraid he might get his dick bit off for even thinking about it. He was spiraling again quickly and tried to tell Cas, but he was still so stunned at everything that had happened since Cas blew through the door his voice just wasn’t there. But Cas seemed to know and put him back in his mouth for more attention which had him jerking and spilling there in no time. Dean was thoroughly spent, or so he thought. As Cas continued to hold him again, that strange sensation crept in.  _ No no no no no no!!!!!!  _ He doubled over and began shaking. Cas stood up and pulled Dean up with him, placing his arms behind his back, holding them at the wrists. He walked him up the stairs to face the corner of the bed. He slowly kissed Dean's neck, he could feel him tense as he pulled off his trenchcoat.

Dean started to pull at the tie but heard a growling command behind him, “Leave it.”

He dropped his hands, the right side of his mouth turned up in a smile, pleased his angel liked the whole idea. What it brought out in him though was unexpected, but made sense in some strange way. Bossy Cas always had a way of stopping him in his tracks...since he’d found him drunk back at home he’d felt his reactions to Cas were on a more primal level and had no clue how to explain it. He just knew it was hot as fuck and  _ needed _ it. His cravings were never too far out in the weird, he’d have to chalk this up to a profound bond thing maybe as he’d never felt as strongly about it with anyone else.

He could hear Cas peeling off his jeans. His emotions were conflicted as on one hand his angel looked fantastic in them all tanned, shirtless, and water still dripping down his chest.  _ Good Gawd _ he’d wanted to lick all the water off Cas’s skin himself, maybe let a few droplets escape down below... _ jfc what is wrong with me? Have I always been this orally fixated?  _ But on the other hand Cas as the good Lord made him was a sight to behold, and there were no articles of clothing no matter how enticing, to impede his view. Didn’t matter anyways because Cas was no longer wearing anything. Dean felt the angels cool skin against his back and the enthusiastic evidence of how much he wanted Dean too, pressing against his right cheek.

Cas nudged Deans knees to either side of the bed corner, he reached around front to the tie and curled it around his left fist again this time pulling Dean to turn his head so he could kiss him. He teased his hunter, Dean would part his lips, his tongue would try to lick Cas’s mouth but he’d pull away at the last moment. Dean wanted Cas’s lips on him so badly, he stretched and twisted to reach him. When Cas decided Dean could kiss him he leaned in to rest his forehead against the hunters...a brief moment to recalibrate, ensure his human wasn’t scared or unwilling to continue. But all he felt was trust and a renewed need. So he captured Dean's lips and kissed him deeply, reveling in his human moaning obscenely into his mouth with surprise as he reached with his right hand and began roughly stroking him the way he knew was favored. Dean was beside himself with the need to cum, and no longer be a victim of orgasm theft. Cas’s hand felt so good as he squeezed all the way from the base to the head. He couldn’t stay still, he’d thrust back hard into Cas’s hand with every downstroke. It seemed the harder he moved, the more Cas would praise him with kisses and urge him to cum in his hand.

“Awh, Cas yer killing me...this feels...so good.”

“That’s kinda the point Dean,” Cas darkly repeated this morning's line and coiled more tie around his wrist, pulled just a tad harder and whispered in Dean's ear, “Show me how strong you are, show me how powerful.”

To make sure his human understood, he tugged the boxer briefs down to his thighs, pressed himself directly behind Dean and slid his dripping erection underneath his cheeks so it was rubbing his balls and gave one single hard thrust. This elicited a tremendous, bellowing groan from Dean.

“Show me,” Cas growled, with a hint of Zool in his voice which sent Dean thrusting has hard as he could into Cas’s tightening grasp.

Dean just couldn’t help his volume, normally he wasn’t fan of loud romps, many a porn flick had been abandoned midway through due to ridiculously loud and obvious fake fuckery. But Cas was pulling some unholy shenanigans that made him want to scream. Thanks to the booming storm, their activities would go unnoticed.

“C..cas..uuuhh please let me cum...ppleeeaze” Dean begged with overwhelming desperation.

“I haven't prevented you once Dean,” he grumbled with a hint of amusement.

“Y-you know what I...ugh..mean ah-h ffu-”

“Ooooh my love,” Cas silver tongue sooothed, ”it’s time you discover I too can giveth…….”

“Aaahh...jjeeez fuuuuuck Cas” Dean yelled as thick hot ropes of white covered Cas’s hand.

The aftershocks seemed to last longer each time but all too soon he felt his angels wet fingers rubbing a spiral pattern on his skin under his belly button and the heartbreaking sensation of the rewind.

“And I too can taketh away,” Cas almost sang in the most sinful voice Dean had heard, which was saying something.

Dean twitched and doubled over with the loss of another orgasm. Tears threatened to pour down his face...the physical sensations were a bitch to lose but now all kinds of deep seeded emotions were bubbling to the service which just blew.

He felt his underwear being shimmied down around his ankles, he stepped out of them when prompted, then found himself being pushed forward onto the the bed, tummy flush with the cool bedspread. He silently fought to keep from sobbing. He wasn’t sure what he was craving anymore but it was intense, primal. Feeling kisses behind his knees he jumped a little, Cas’s soothing hands rubbed slowly up his thighs and then kneaded and palmed his cheeks Admittedly, it felt reaaaally good. So did the kisses that followed. He didn’t recall anyone ever  _ actually _ kissing his ass but it was so pleasant he could be happy to fall asleep like that. It was not meant to be though, Cas crawled up his body slowly and pushed his right leg up. When he covered Dean with his warm body he moved his hips and made lazy circling motions with them. His angels hard on made him nervous, which confused Dean. He was still unbelievably turned on but feared this could be that freak out moment.

Cas rubbed between his cheeks and in a knee jerk reaction Dean panicked, “Whoa! whoa! You don't come in hot like that! Not how it works!”

Cas laid flat over Dean and pulled his arms in close, covering them...covering all of Dean really in a swaddling gesture. He kissed his cheeks and his hair...and moved down to his neck.

Working up to his ear he purred, “Assumptions are dangerous Dean, I think we’ve established that,” biting the soft skin of his ear lobe.

He pushed himself above Dean so he could kiss and nip all over his back, and sucking along his ribs. He playfully bit and sucked the soft skin all along his right side, pulling his hip up away from the bed slightly. Dean was getting rev’d up again and began to press his length against the bedspread for friction. Outta nowhere he heard and felt the sharp crack! of his angels wide palm on his ass.

“Whaat?”  _ Sonuva bitch that’s gonna leave a mark!...well I hope anyways. _

_ “ _ Unless you plan on rolling over and engaging in masturbation while I watch, then you will leave yourself alone. You are only allowed to cum by my hand or my mouth are we crystal clear?”

“Uh-huh”  _ yes angel. _

Cas flipped him over onto his back, pushed up his knees and began rubbing his dick against Dean’s with circling, deep thrusts.  _ Fuuuuck meee Cas I gotta know what research you’ve been doin’.  _ Dean’s hands flew to his angels ass, gripping, pressing, pulling his hips to counter every delectable movement. But of course he wasn’t able to leave his hair alone for long. His hand was almost to Cas’s neck when one of his angels hands shot out and pinned it by his head, then he reached down and yanked Dean's other hand to pin.

“I’m doing the touching tonight, remember?” he said darkly.

His eyes had never lost their glow, they were so beautiful and as frustrated as Dean was, they reminded him of how much his angel wanted him, needed him. Cas bent down and swiped his tongue along Dean's mouth, demanding entrance. As he built the friction between them he bit and sucked on Dean's tongue, driving his hunter insane. This time he’d let himself go with Dean. He knew his hunter needed it. He wouldn’t keep it of course, no. Cas had one last request to grant before they’d rest. He couldn’t help watching as they came together, Dean screamed expletives while Cas said his name in quiet reverence. Both in awe of each other.

“Cas….please don’t do the rewind thing! Please just let me keep this one, c’mon” he pleaded as he felt Cas’s fingers begin the patterned spiral on his skin.

Tears flowed freely from his eyes. It was almost enough to make Cas break.

But he was an angel on a mission so he pressed his index finger to Deans plump wet lips and said “ssshhhhhhhhh, do you trust me?”

He nodded through the sobs, he felt emotionally exhausted. He didn’t know how much more he could take, but yes he trusted his angel.

“I got your messages today very loud and clear. It was a most inappropriate time, as we were close to another clue.”

Cas got up from laying on a tearful Dean who appeared genuinely panicked at the idea of him leaving. He stood at the foot of the bed and gently tugged Dean down towards him a little bit. He looked confused but listened intently, still behaving with his arms above his head, crossed at the wrist.

“But I made sure to pay attention to the avalanche of sexual imagery you saw fit to assault me with... _ pray to me for.  _ One image in particular caught my attention as it repeated more than all the others but had a twinge of shyness to it.”

Cas lifted his knees on the bed to either side of Dean and started scooting back up to him. 

“It’s mild in the grand scheme of things, yet quite submissive on your part. To me it looks _deliciously_ enticing, yet given your history, I want to make sure it’s something you’re completely comfortable with.”

He moved further up Dean's body, straddled his tummy..then continued further towards his chest. He looked down at Dean who gazed back at him with wide eyes and red cheeks.

“As long as I’ve lived, believe me I’ve seen a lot. Don’t  _ ever _ feel like I would judge you for something you want to try or need from me. Tell me you understand.”

“I understand” he answered, heart rate increasing. “Yes I want this. With you. I trust you.”

Cas brushed the back of his hand against Dean's cheek. “Remember, the rule ‘don’t talk with your mouth full’, does not apply here,” the angel said with a sinful twinkle in his eye. “I love to hear your thoughts when we’re together.”

Dean was feeling better already, he was about to get his daily oral fixation satisfied by the most beautiful man on the planet. While in turn Cas would get to watch like the broken halo’d deviant he was.  _ What a fucking pair we are. _

Cas scooted up a little more, he reached above Dean to uncross his wrists and lace their hands together before pinning them down again. His knees dipped down over Dean's shoulders to the mattress taking his weight off of his human. The angel tilted his hips forward and angled them down, he watched as Dean parted his beautifully plump lips and eagerly welcomed Cas’s impressively hard length into his mouth. The angel was very slow at first, gentle. He issued his own prayers none of this would trigger anything from Dean's past.

It was no surprise really when Dean hummed and moaned contentedly. Cas could see he was indeed very euphoric.

“Aaah Dean, you really are beautiful, generous, strong, and  _ insatiable.  _ I quite enjoy how much you want me. You make me feel good, special...desired. So does your mouth, the way it wraps around me, how thick I look between your lips...and how it gets even thicker when I slide it in and out. It's hypnotizing to watch..you’re amazing.”

Dean made a mental note to cancel his Dirty Talk 101 teachable moment, everybody had room for improvement but Cas’s natural aptitude was fucking brilliant. Dean was greedy and wanted more, his angel was stunning like this and sweet, each gentle forward thrust with his cock was like a caress against his lips and tongue. Cas wasn’t fucking his mouth so much as he was making love to it. Which melted Dean's heart completely, but after the theft of so many... _ how many is it now, 4?  _ Four mind blowing orgasms he’d been robbed of today, he had zero patience and politely asked Cas if he could take a rain check on the feels and just go for the fucks. He sent him images consisting of a bit more  _ thrust.  _ In return he got quicker, more shallow movements which he knew Cas LOVED.  Dean could hear Cas’s ragged breathing,  _ Mmmm, angel this is goood. Let loose Cas, be rough if you need to cuz I won’t break.  _ Dean sent visions of the angel thrusting like he  _ really _ meant it, he wanted Dean to talk to him well there it was.

Cas slowed, “I could hurt you Dean, I want to do that too but let’s be realistic.”

Dean sent a vision of Cas letting go of his hands so they were free to roam. “Of course I will, but first I want you tell me why.”

Cas slowly pulled out for Dean to actually speak. He caught a brief flicker of something but then it was gone. “What was that? Tell me,” Cas insisted.

“I just like it, I don’t know,” he said while getting fussy the activities hadn’t immediately resumed. He reached with his neck as far as he could but Cas kept himself frustratingly out of reach.

“Not a satisfactory answer,” and Cas pulled himself back even farther which flustered Dean even more.

He put Dean's wrists in one hand and scooted back a little, he was able to look Dean in the eye with his own glowing orbs which demanded an answer. Dean remained silent, but his cheeks turned pink.

“Fine, then you can watch me finish on my own,” and as proof Cas rubbed up and down his shaft quickly, brushing the tip..indicating to Dean he’d make quick work of it too. This sent Dean into panic mode. It was amusing for Cas as he didn’t know what was more upsetting to his human, not getting any more orgasms or not giving Cas one himself.

“Gggrrhh! Fine!” Dean growled, “your hips and your thighs...I have a thing..I dunno. As soon as I saw you without pants on I’ve had a thing..curiosity about how strong they are and how awesome they must look when they’re really moving. Happy now?!”

_ Wow I feel so tingly all over! He likes my hips and thighs...their movements are so primal. Oh Dean, my handsome horney human! That’s just so sexy and cute. “ _ Yes, now was that so hard?”

“Yes  _ it  _ is! Now put it back, you promised!”

“No, I promised to let your arms go. But since you did what I asked, I’ll give it to you.”

He released Deans arms and resumed giving Dean what he wanted so badly. Cas did his best to indulge Dean without hurting him. In truth it felt phenomenal to “let loose” a little. He could sense Deans pheromone levels rising, and wanted to time it just right. It wouldn't be long, his human's mouth felt like warm, wet satin pillows that molded, tugged, and squeezed perfectly around his dick and it was driving him insane.

“Dean..you’re so... good.. to me, ohh don’t worry, I’ll be good to you, I’ll give you what want,” Cas’s groaning and grunting alone were like music to Dean's ears.

Cas sat up and scooted back a little, shifting the work from himself to his human.

“Sexual gratification accompanied with powerful emotions is energy Dean, energy my grace can siphon and redistribute how I see fit.” Cas said as he carefully reached back, placing his hand gently on Dean's tummy under his belly button then turning to see Dean eagerly sucking on him was just it...the moment when his body shuddered and came hard against the back of Dean's throat while he simultaneously gifted Dean all four of the orgasms he previously took.

His hunter had been unaware this was the endgame all along. The entire cottage shook violently with thunder, lightning, as well as from the weather outside. Light bulbs blew, glass shattered, and somewhere another car alarm went off. Dean had already placed his hands on Cas’s hips so when the orgasm times four hit him like a freight train he yelled and grasped Cas’s hips so hard he knew he’d be seeing bruises for days. Cas’s eyes pulsed the most beautifully radiant blue, the aftershocks rocked through him as Dean’s washed through wave after wave.

They both were desperate to catch their breaths and stayed put for several minutes. Eventually Cas pulled his right leg over Dean to join the left and slid down on his tummy next to Dean's side.

“My apologies, I may have overshot with a few things,” Cas sheepishly confessed.

Dean's eyes were filled to the brim with emotions, but hearing his badass, dominant-as-fuck boyfriend concerned about over doing a few things cracked him up.

As he laughed he looked over at Cas, saw his back and his eyes got huge, “Whoooooaaa whoa whoa buddy, you’re not the one that overshot. Holy crap! Lemme get a towel, do NOT move,” Dean laughed from way down in his belly, smile reaching his eyes.

He thought it was definitely kodak worthy but it was also gross and who the hell would he reminisce with about it besides Cas? He found himself laughing even harder at the ridiculous idea and he grabbed a towel out of the bathroom, observing how incredibly light he felt. Sure he was exhausted, but something was different. A kind of emotional tension had loosened and the wonderful swirling in his chest was so expanded and buzzing it was akin to what he imagined a helium balloon felt like.

He came back, took one look, and made an executive decision. “Shower time, let’s go!” he said smiling like an idiot.

Cas raised an eyebrow but carefully got up and moseyed on in under the cool spray. Dean was right behind him, enthusiastic to experience the roomier shower but to his dismay, immediately felt a shocking need to be close with Cas.  _ How weird, he’s right in front of me but I miss him _ ,  _ really want him holding me. Am I being needy? Oh God I don’t want to be needy after what just happened. Suck it up jerk, pull yourself together! Shit though, I really do just want to be held so bad. _

Before he could even act or speak his angel wrapped him in his arms. Dean just slumped over in relief, it felt  _ good _ to be receiving such affection after the emotional roller coaster experience. With  women he’d always wanted to make sure they felt satisfied and respected when it was time for the inevitable “adios” that he came to so dislike. Not many of them save Lisa and a few others, tried to be affectionate after their playful hay rolls. Secretly it was his favorite part, for him it briefly satisfied what he needed the most. Cas held him with strong, reassuring arms. He kissed Dean's neck softly, slowly. He delicately rubbed his back under the water and whispered serene Enochian words sweetly in his ear. The overall vibe was as far from seductive as one could get, yet no less satisfying of spirit. Although Dean could not understand them without Cas’s dreams, the words  _ felt  _ like those of awe, reverence, and the purest love. Cas kissed the right side of his neck and as he did so, Dean felt the familiar tingle of his angels grace flowing through him. When it stopped he peered into Cas’s eyes with question. Cas responded only with a light caress of his lips to Dean's, then grabbed the soap and washed them both. He took extra care and time with Dean, massaging his back, arms, chest, even his right cheek which still bore the handprint. Something about it pleased Cas far too much. This, he decided to leave. It would disappear in a matter of days but until the next time he let this side of him come out to play,  _ if there hopefully was a next time _ , he could enjoy seeing this nostalgic lovers claim as often as Dean went without pants. By the looks of it, the storm didn’t plan on high tailing it out of the hemisphere any time soon.  _ What a shame to be stuck indoors in such a tropical setting, whatever shall we do to pass the time Dean? _

Eventually the water cooled too much and both dried off, Cas pulled the comforter from the bed to wash later and beckoned Dean to lay with him. He felt safe and loved as he placed his head on Cas's chest, warm and powerful arms snuggled him even closer. They remained silent for a while, Dean sensed he was being given time to process the unexpected dynamic which occurred during the incredibly satisfying afternoon. There was much to discuss in regards to just where Casanova had been hiding all this time, resolving the memory wipe issue, the bizarre dream experience thing, and case information they’d both discovered. All were equally important but Dean's curiosity was not going to let it go, just as he was about to speak Cas softly encouraged him, “You had a question in your eyes before, what would you like to know?”

“Was I in danger of not healing?”

“No, but I had surprised even myself. And surely you’ll want to avoid explaining certain...marks.”

“........................................................sort of.”

Cas was greatly intrigued, “Please explain.”

“Nobody needs to know what goes on in our private life. But……..”

Cas could feel Dean’s shyness emerge and prompted him to share, “What are you nervous to ask for? I told you there’s nothing you could ask of me I’d ever be judgemental about.” He kissed Deans hair and ran his fingers down his back in a reassuring gesture.

“You could leave marks that are left in more private areas…..”

“Such as?”

“Like the handprint I’m sure I've got on my ass. I actually miss the scar on my arm,” Dean absentmindedly ran his fingers over the bruises Cas could’ve healed but didn’t on his hips and tummy.

Cas then understood that Dean equated marks obtained during sexual activity or intimate moments in general with the claim he’d made on him in Hell. They reminded him he belonged to Cas, that he’d chosen to keep him long after he’d returned Dean to the earthly plane. This made Cas feel extremely satisfied. Dean couldn’t see the huge smile on the angels face, if he did he might’ve buried himself in the sheets and never come out.

“These I’ll be happy to leave alone if you wish. You still have more questions.”

“Yeah, there something you need to tell me about yourself Cas?”

“May I assume you’re referring to my slightly dominant sexual inclinations?”  _ Oh no oh no oh no, did I push it too far? _

“Slightly?!” Dean laughed.

“I’ve gaged some of your reactions, and some of the things you find appealing indicate our preferences are compatible.”

“Oh yeah I’ll say.”

“It’s something I’ll have to keep in check, be careful with. It’s not always perfectly within our control.”

“Our control? It’s an angel thing?”

“It’s an angel/human thing, nature of the universe. The balance is technically off, given we are indeed a different species. So nature dictates and pulls forth the instinctual tendencies of the physically stronger species in order to claim and protect the other.”

Dean sat up and asked, “Wait so the handprint that seared into my arm was you basically peeing on me?” Dean asked half amused, half grossed out.

The look he received was from an angel who was anything but amused. “No.”

Cas was silent for a few minutes...Dean supposed gathering his thoughts. 

“It didn’t scare you?” Cas had to be sure, he would keep this part of him locked away as best he could forever if it wasn’t something Dean was amenable to.

But his human got a hungry look in his eyes and placed their foreheads together, “No. Something about it, how I react.. like you said it pulls at me, like a compulsion. Dunno if I can control  _ my  _ reactions to you but based on how good I feel right now, I don’t think I want to.”

Cas confessed, “I don’t want it to be like that every time, I feel like my instinct is separate from my mood. You’re experienced, I like it when you’re in charge too. It’s.....exhilarating honestly.”

“Yeah….not sure I come across with that same panache like you just did. That was a whole other level Cas, those moves were smokin’ ” Dean shyly admitted, lowering his eyes.

Cas held his face so he could look in those forests of green, “Your brand of seduction is no less enticing Dean. Do  _ not _ underestimate your ability to make me wish you’d fuck me into next week.”

_ Omfg...umf. Well shit.  _ Quicker than lightning Dean was on top of Cas pushing his hands through his hair, “Keep running that mouth angel, yer gonna make me an addict. How in the  _ HELL  _ did you learn to talk like that?”

“I’ve been around a while, observed...didn't really have a need for it til recently. Pleases you, does it?” Cas asked with a hint of mischief in his eyes.

“It’s occasionally rendered me speechless,” Dean admitted, sure that Cas could feel exactly how much it pleased him. He buried his head in the angel's neck, enjoying the closeness.

Cas raised an inquisitive brow, catalogued the response for later use.  _ Speechless? Ah, so many other uses for such an exquisite mouth, I promise to find you something Dean. _

“Cas, I’m sorry for kinda freaking out earlier when I thought you were going to...uh..”

“Engage in penetrative sex with you?”

Dean nodded his head, but didn’t speak.

“I’m very familiar with human anatomy and what's involved, it needs to be thoroughly discussed,  _ if  _ it's to happen at all.”

Dean sat up and looked at him quizzically, “If?”

“Yes, if. Have you considered it?” Cas looked back at him with his adorable head tilt.

“I don’t know. I’ve been waiting for a moment when everything different about us would hit me, when I’d get uncomfortable and I was afraid if and when it happened it would hurt your feelings. When I thought you were going to...now I’m sure it was more out of concern that you weren’t aware of what it involved than us actually doing it. Guess the best answer is that I’m not in a rush, I know you’d never hurt me. For my part, this is something to try when it feels right for both of us.”

“You couldn’t possibly hurt my feelings, it makes sense that you might require some time to settle with all this. But you may not understand my part without an explanation,” he said nervously. Dean could tell the vibe hand changed.

“You know I’m a warrior of God, fought more battles than perhaps even I can count. Seraph’s are powerful, a step just below Archangels. But we consist of love, purity, and light. If I told you of the things I’ve witnessed..it’s quite certain your mind would be unable process it, you literally wouldn’t survive, let alone view me in the same way. Just as you have sustained traumas, so have I. One of those is what I saw in Hell.”

Dean could see a shift in Cas, the discussion had turned quite somber. He sat up so Dean was in his lap, legs wrapped around his back. Cas brought his arms around Dean and held him close.

“When I was searching for you we nearly succeeded twice early on. Both times Alistair caught wind somehow and escaped with you just before we’d get close enough to pull you out,” Cas’s voice was trembling, “Do you remember 2?” he winced like he was in pain or bracing for it.

Dean tried...everyday...he tried to forget the second circle. The realm he’d almost slipped and told Sam about... _ they tore me in ways... _ Dean shivered, confirming what Cas feared.

“Yet, you are willing to do this with me?” Cas more or less asked to himself, in complete wonder at Dean.

“Willing to  _ try.  _ I guess maybe it would replace bad memories with good ones? Cas, I trust you. I...if it..maybe regardless of my past I won’t like it, won’t know. Things happened there, didn't know if you knew or not. But you wanted me to fight for my own happiness, why let Hell keep something that is ours? Both of us lost and suffered there. If ever there was someone I consider trustworthy of this, it's you.”

The courage Dean was showing absolutely took Cas’s breath away.

“Then you need to know how afraid I am of doing you harm, you’ve worked so hard to get over these things. But, I am in my own way suffering from a kind of post traumatic stress disorder.”

Dean was full of question, “From Hell?”

Cas nodded, “From what I saw happening to  _ you.. _ and the other souls. I can’t talk about it Dean, not to you. Maybe not ever and I’m sorry. You’ve been curious, but respectful of what Gilrad helps me with. This is part of it. I want so much to be with you, he’s helping me to move through this. I’ve seen you suffer so much, the possibility that I could bring any of your misery back after you’ve done your best to make peace and function.….it's more terrifying to me than you could imagine. But here you are, the one who went through it, not merely a witness, and you’re willing to trust me.  _ You  _ make  _ me  _ want to be a better angel Dean. I promise to always keep trying. Please understand it's my problem, not yours. I’m not saying no, like you said...we can wait til it feels right.”

“Cas I had no idea, I mean I knew you lost family, knew you were injured...it was Uriel I know it. He knew where you were when he gutted the dragon that burned you, he did it on purpose, he was feeding Alistair warnings. If he hadn’t betrayed you then maybe it wouldn’t’ve taken so long and….it doesn’t matter, we’re here now.”

Cas’s eyes became huge as he listened to Dean. He waited for him to explain  _ how _ he knew about the dragon, and Uriel. Maybe it was connected to how he knew about his planned memory wipe.

“Are you aware you’ve been dreaming Cas? I’m worried about you,” Dean whispered.

“I’m dreaming? How is this possible? How do you know?” Cas asked in alarm.

“You’re upset when you sleep, which is weird enough that you even need sleep. But when I touch you...there’s some kind of like mental connection I guess and I can see and hear, even feel everything from your perspective. I can understand when you're speaking Enochian, you were in your true form when you got me from Hell weren’t you?”

Cas seemed to be struggling, processing what Dean said. His eyes were darting from side to side, his breathing became uneven. Dean wondered if angels could have panic attacks.

“Hey, what’s going on Cas? Tell me please,” Dean held his face and looked at him imploringly. This seemed to help a bit.

“Tell me what you saw Dean, when I was dreaming. I have no memory of this.”

“Um, well ok I guess the first time was when Uriel dragged you out...to that night in the barn with Anna. You didn’t want to go, but didn’t really want to explain why  either. He was being such a dick, especially when me and Anna wer-” Dean felt the guilt hit him like a semi truck at remembering how much pain Cas was in seeing them together in his car.

“Dean it's ok, why are you upset about being with Anna?” Cas asked as his chest began hurting with sharp slicing sensations.

“Because of how  _ you _ were hurting. Cas I could feel your heart breaking. You loved me even then, but you were trying so hard not to blame me for being.. _ me.  _ Uriel was such an asshole knowing how much pain it caused you and I just went ahead with more ‘last night on earth crap’. I had no idea how much you suffered. I know you didn’t want to work with Crowley, you felt so guilty lying to us about it.”

Cas was wide eyed, but doing his best to listen. “Did you know how I felt about you then?”

“Of course not. How would I? I mean you gave me some super loaded looks at times, but I thought it was an angel thing, trying to understand humanity and all that.”

“Then why would being with Anna matter if you didn’t know how I felt?”

“I...you walked around with so much anguish, I could feel it. You never said a thing, angels aren’t supposed to feel but you do and it makes no sense how you could even continue breathing with that kind of pain. And I  _ know _ if you had told me how you felt then it would have been a disaster but it’s awful how you’ve carried this and told no one.”

“We don’t talk much about ourselves. Especially if we are different, it never yielded positive results,” he got a distant look in his eyes for a few moments. It was extremely sad, but he snapped back and prompted him, “Tell me what you saw of Uriel.”

“He was snarky with you, even when under your command. When you’d found me surrounded by the guardian legion he  just had the whole sneering face of victory, leaving you to die for the cause he never believed in. He was thrilled to leave you to your fate and anyone pathetic enough to stand with you. He was banking on none of you making it out, especially you.”

“I always hoped I was wrong about him but after Naomi pulled my rank it was clear, yet I couldn't do anything about it. What else did you see?” He seemed very curious about what this new connection meant for both of them.

“.......saw you fight for me, lose brothers in horrible ways, the Greek fire, how we met...how you got us out of there to some strange place. Then Naomi was so pissed-”

Cas had steadily become more and more stiff, almost like a statue and his breathing was becoming panicked again.

“You saw Naomi? What did she say?” Cas seemed almost...scared, but Dean couldn't tell if it was the whole sleeping and dreaming thing or the time in hell triggering him.

_ My God I went through torture but he’s gone through it too. Who thinks of angels and the crap they’ve seen? It never occurred to me they are affected by what they see too. _

_“_ She just seemed mad, like you brought me to the wrong place or maybe you didn’t fix me right? She kind of blurred out and that's when your dream changed to when you were thinking about erasing yourself from my life and Sammy’s, fuck you very much. But how is this all happening?”

“I’m not one hundred percent sure, maybe I’m unknowingly bringing my grace too close to the surface when I sleep and when you touch me it transfers.”

“Is that what happens when we’re together? The current, like electricity, I’ve felt it since the first time you kissed me...it packs a wicked punch the longer we seem to go without..uh..physical contact,” Dean said a little embarrassed but incredibly curious.

Cas looked into Dean's eyes with astoundment. “You can feel that too?”

“Y-yeah...is it bad?”  _ I didn’t know if it was good but didn’t think it could be bad. Crap I kinda liked it at a low buzz, what did that girl say on the cartoon vamp movie? Zing? Jeez I’m a goofy asshole. Please don’t do something and take away the zing. _

Cas got an almost smile on his face and a definite sparkle in his eyes as he leaned forward and timidly pressed his lips to Deans. There it was, almost imperceptible due to their recent activity, the beautiful current between them reminding Dean that the night they met, sparks actually flew. As Cas brushed Dean’s lips gently and deepened the kiss his hand absentmindedly rested warmly over his human's heart.

Dean felt the twirling mist moving, swelling in his chest.  _ Is his heart swirling like mine is? This feels amazing. I’m so happy. How can he be this good at kissing?  _ Dean slid his hand over Cas’s heart, letting it linger. The storm outside was raging on in stark contrast to the tranquil haven inside created by the two intertwined, completely lost in the feel of each other. Cas laid back against a mountain of pillows, pulling Dean onto him. There was no rush, no sense of urgency to their movements. Cas adored feeling the weight of his human pressed against all of him, surrounding him with strong arms and gentle hands,touching fingertips lightly to his cheeks.

Dean’s lips told him in reverent sweeps how thankful he was to have found him in this lifetime, his satin tongue caressed languidly around Cas’s own, conveying the quiet joy Dean found in his company. His sweet, warm breath that ebbed and flowed in a delicate exchange were prayers long kept close to his heart and finally shared in the silent delight of their intimate contact. This was pure, undiluted  _ Dean.  _ Cas could literally feel Dean's soul reach for him in a way the human mind could never comprehend. Dean was unaware of this on a conscious level, Cas knew but certainly didn’t mind, it brought him peace.

Their bodies responded to each other in the natural, physical sense...both thoroughly enjoyed the delicious sensations the hard pressure brought between them. Yet Cas finally understood Dean's words completely, that it wasn’t always about crossing the finish line but relishing in the precious, quiet intimacy of simple kisses and touches. The concentrated elation, pleasure, and... _ song  _ emanating in tidal waves from Dean’s soul washed over Castiel in the most beautiful sounds and colors his true form could feel. He knew humans could become overwhelmed and cry with joy, this was a rare moment he felt he almost might. The pull between them was palpable, it was a measurable sensation which both perceived as grace and soul calling and reaching towards each other. The buzz and tingles were literally electrifying, yet given the buffer of physical vessels, were not able to fully connect.The closest they could get was through the bittersweet kisses neither of them ever wanted to cease. Time lost meaning, they lost the sound of massive raindrops pelting the roof like arrows against a shield. Lost the frantic chaos of the tumultuous wind as it curled, twisted, and shook the foundation of house, home, and forest. Lost the cares and woes of the world as they fell into the loft and light their very beings were vibrating with.

Hours passed as if they were moments, Dean had never known such peace and perfection. Nor the odd sense of recovered familiarity, images would occasionally flash in his mind, unbidden. Turquoise and burnt orange sunsets, stars larger and closer than he’d ever seen or thought possible raced through his mind. Indigo beaches shining with diamonds and yellow mountains with glass spires overlooking an ocean of green meadows and forests pulled at something in him. The images were completely foreign to anything in reality or imagination that he could recall...yet there was something about….something about this wondrous landscape... _ home.  _ He flashed an image of the meadows and forests to Cas.

It was pitch black outside other than a flash of lightning striking every few minutes. He could feel and hear Cas gasp, then smile as he kissed him. “That's beautiful Dean. Ho-...how did you think of it?” Cas pulled away slightly, but kept his arms around him.

“I didn’t  _ think _ of it, the image just shot right in..some others too. Were you thinking of them and I saw, kinda like the dream thing?”

Cas was quiet, breathing peacefully in the dark. “No, not at all.”

“I’m not complaining, but what is this uh, buzz, spark thing exactly?”

Cas shifted on the bed to lay next to Dean, letting his fingers trail across his chest and tummy. “It could be residual grace recognizing itself when we touch. You’ll always have some of mine within you,” he said with absolution and to prove it he ran his palm gently over Dean's shoulder which yielded a mild current passing when skin touched skin.

“I hope I never lose that,” Dean confessed. Just then his belly grumbled, they both laughed.

“Please tell me you had lunch,” Cas lightly scolded.

“A sandwich, promise. What time is it anyways?”

Cas hopped up, and sauntered down the stairs to grab the first phone he could find. “11:42 pm” he answered while opening the fridge to forage for Dean, who busied himself with lighting candles. Somehow the power hadn’t gone out but thanks to Cas and his still unhinged angel orgasms they were in need of new light bulbs.  _ It was like 5 when we got out of the shower, we were just kissing...jeez, time really flew. _

Cas had started putting together another sandwich for Dean when he felt a cozy, loving body press against his back and arms folding around him. Before Dean had time to blink Cas whirled, pulled him  up around his hips, and had him pinned between himself and the refrigerator. Both of them let out a huff and a groan at the marvelous angle and pressure their current position gave them.

Cas’s eye’s flickered in the dark, he leaned in and just barely grazed Dean's lips, then teased him with a drop of Zool in his voice, “You should eat Dean, you’ll need your strength if you plan on kick starting another round with your.. _ Gatekeeper.” _

Dean was only briefly stunned by his angel having picked up on  _ that _ , though felt a shiver go right through him.  _ Oooo- this is hot.  _ Somehow he managed a modicum of self control when he replied, “Mmm yeah but a sandwich isn’t what I want in my mouth.”

Cas growled back, “If your body could be  sustained on protein alone believe me I’d be happy to feed you  _ all..” buuump, “damn,” thrruust, “day”.. _ the large appliance knocked hard against the wall each time the angels hips pounded his human against fridge door.

Dean bit his lip hard as Cas nipped at his neck, he felt the vibration of a low rumble from his angels chest like a pleased feral animal. His eyes rolled, closed, and any rational thought he might’ve possessed at that point went adios. But that’s when Cas gave his neck one soft kiss and put him down like the last 10 seconds never happened. With his heart racing and his voice all cracked he asked, “What the hell Cas?”

His angel had resumed setting up a meal but turned to him, “Get the bed linen and wet clothes started in the wash, then quickly eat your sandwich,” he said firmly, smacking Dean harshly on the ass.

A smirk turned up the right side of his human's mouth and then it hit. He bent over and grunted as the blues began to set in hard. Cas went over, straightened him up, and carefully rubbed his palm against the heavy weights causing discomfort.

He promised in the grumbled tenor his human responded to so well, “Do what I’ve asked and I’ll kiss your owies all better.” He turned back to the kitchen and heard Dean limp up the stairs and declare, “Yer a dick sometimes you know that?”

“Takes one to take one Dean, just remember that,” he mused as he washed his hands, pulled out a plate, and threw together what he hoped was a decent meal.

He heard Dean painfully scoff then laugh. The laughter was music, it meant Dean knew he’d keep his word, trusted him to take care of his every need and he’d learn every last one of them over time. Dean  _ letting  _ himself be cared for was rare and it pleased Cas more than he could ever let on. He felt full of purpose and it satisfied that intrinsic need to protect his human in all the ways possible. When Dean came back he sat on the couch, watched his own personal episode of the Naked Chef...he definitely preferred this unrated version above all else. Cas brought him a sandwich, sliced fruit, and a beer. Then he sat next to him and made sure he ate every bite and downed the beer. Dean was quiet, Cas took it as a sign the food was satisfactory. Deans phone was ringing upstairs so he meandered up to grab it, it went to voicemail but it wasn’t a number Cas recognized. The mailbox was empty so he put the phone down and when he started down the steps he saw a very unconscious Dean with his head tilted back, eye closed. Cas smiled, rather pleased with himself.  _ And so the day ends with a sexually satisfied, emotionally content, nutritionally sound, fantastically naked Dean.  _ He was still mystified by humanity, always would be. Yet he was pretty sure most people considered themselves damn lucky to hit the hay with just one of those boxes ticked. The fact he was responsible for his boyfriend clocking out while having checked each one, convinced him that he’d done a pretty stellar job. And after taking his comatose lover up to bed, he figured he’d celebrate with a beer of his own.

  
  



	14. Chapter 14

Cas eventually finished his beer, pulled the comforter out to dry along with the other clothes, and snuggled in next to Dean for the night. He wasn’t the least bit tired but would never in a million years pass up the chance to be close with him. Sometime around three am Dean’s heart rate sped up, his arms were twitching, and was.. _ giggling?  _ Cas was confused, his dreams were rarely pleasant, what was he so delighted about? He had to know, he was desperate to learn what other things brought happiness to him. He wrapped his arm around Dean, spooning him...this was a new favorite for Cas. He got bluish clear flickers, he felt wet, or rather Dean did but he was  _ really, really  _ happy about it! Suddenly Dean had the sensation of flying through the air, Cas heard a child yell ‘cannonball!’ and then he plunged into a weightless wet environment.  _ Swimming pool?  _ Then he felt Dean take a deep breath, he was  _ spitting? Water? It tastes funny.  _ He heard splashing and more giggles. 

Dean began calling Sam, ‘Maarco!’ Cas couldn’t hear a response but felt excitement like Dean had heard something. ‘Sammy! Here! Pooolo!’

Cas didn’t know what swimming and Marco Polo had in common but it all felt like such joyful play and he was so happy Dean was dreaming pleasant things for once. The dream changed and  _ oh! I can see now, we’re in the bunker! This is Dean's room, I remember this..oh. We helped him, me and Sam with the Mark of Cain. He’s just sitting quietly on his bed looking at pictures of his family. He’s happy to see me, I was happy to see him too. Wait, he’s clearing the bed, for me? He’s so relieved I’m home and he’s back too. He hopes I’ll sit and stay with him? But Dean, this is so confusi-your confused. Yet you still wanted me to just stay and talk with you and oh my gosh you wouldn’t have minded I stay and watch over you???? Dammit why in did I have to say I had a ‘female’ in the car? Ugh, why oh why? What was I trying to prove? And he’s hurting again...because he wants me to stay and I didn’t. Oh Dean all this bravery to save the world and you couldn’t just ask me to stay? Yes you do deserve to have a friend! I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you! You try so hard to do what's right even if you are giving up happiness for yourself, Dean when are you gonna let go of that chokehold? Let others fight for once, you deserve some peace!!! I’m so sorry for leaving, I didn’t know you wanted me to stay that badly! I would’ve gladly sat with you all night just talking about all the different kinds of pies there are in the world! _

_ Wait..now it's changing..what on ear- the garage, Baby..Baby makes you happy of course. But..but why are you feeling..mischief? Trouble? My God you are all messed up, your jeans are dirty..although I must say they are hugging you in all the right places..good grief all that grease, your han-yuuuum oh your arms all shiny with sweat. I mean looks like she needs a fair amount of work if she’s hemorrhaging all the oil-hey there’s me! Wait a minute though..I don’t remember this, when did this happen? When did I ever get under the car? I don’t even know how to work on a car and I’m all gross, when did I get those clothes? _

_ “I can’t get at it Dean I’m sorry, wish I could fix the leak” _

_ “It’s alright Cas, we’ll get her right as rain, always do. She’s a true Winchester, brought her back from the dead plenty of times.” _

_ When would Dean EVER let me work on the car, he doesn’t even let Sam work on the car! You're telling me it's ok, I’ll get the hang of it? Hang of what? It’s your car?! Are you..maybe..teaching me some stuff? Are we doing a project? What did you wipe out of my hair? Awh you’re kissing me and your hands are around my waist. Mmmm that looks like it feels good, jeez Dean you think I look soooo-what? Wait a damn minute-no I do not look ‘fine as Hell’ all nastied up like that! You do, but I look like a bum. Oh now hey...I weigh too much for you to pick up and set onto your beloved like that and..yanking, no almost ripping my pants off? Where's Sam? No no no Oh my god Sam could come into the garage at any second and be scarred for life! What! Holy Hell Dean ON BABY?? ON YOUR CAR??? Saamm where are you? You need to save your brother from himself before he wrecks Baby! _

_ Aaaahh. This is something you WANT to do. But oh your poor car...don’t take it out on her! We shouldn’t violate her like this! What are you doi-..on poor Baby oh my gosh! She doesn’t need to witness you-sacrilege! Oh. You’re getting entirely too much pleasure out of this! Aaaagh! Mmmmaybe she can be fixed, well now..heyyyy-umf..ok maybe she won’t mind..yeah ok she’d be downright thrilled she helped wingman THAT maneuver for you. Jesus fucking Christ Almighty Dean!! How are you?! Uuuum that looks..suuuuurrre. Oh what this poor car has seen and been an accessory too! I looove watching you move like that Dean holy shit-ok I’ll find a way to pay for that, we’re definitely going try this sometime. _

_ Alright, you need some privacy here. I want to see how this plays out but I just need to leave you be. Save something as a surprise. Fuel for the morning Dean. I’m so happy you’re finally not having a nightmare. _

Around six am Dean started turning and stretching in his sleep. He rolled over, mind still out cold but other things were very much awake.

Cas could see clearly which things were awake. _ How am I just supposed to let that go Dean? Hmm, I have a promise to keep and since I’m a man of my word, following through is essential. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you suffer like this...even if you don’t know you’re suffering yet? I mean, when you wake up it's a statistical certainty you’ll be wanting my participation in solving this problem, begging me to relieve it somehow anyways...and you did suggest several days ago I take a more proactive approach. So really I’m following your request...alsoIjustreallywantit. _

Dean awoke to a very pleasant situation between his legs.  _ Well hiya Cas, yesssssss good morning to you too Sunshine.  _ He took his time waking up completely, listened to the rain and howling wind as it pelted the cottage, smiled how Cas gave him the best morning lovies ever. As much as he enjoyed it all he realized he wanted Cas, wanted his mouth on his, to feel the weight of his warm angel all over him, and to smell and taste his skin so close.

“C’mere Cas” he lazily drawled and pulled his angel up to his mouth, letting his body sink deliciously on to his. He kissed Cas deeply, running his fingers through the hair he loved so much. His other hand roamed down Cas’s back, cupped his ass, and he pressed his hips flush against him indicating what he wanted. His angel smiled pleasantly through their kiss.

“Want..to feel..you moving against...me” Dean tried to say clearly but their lips kept wanting touch. So he sent an image from the day before of Cas’s Top Ten moves that showed Cas  _ exactly  _ the cravings Dean had for him. His angel hummed in satisfaction at how much Dean enjoyed from their indulgent afternoon. Cas began rubbing his hard, leaking erection against Deans. He loved the feel of his human’s hand gently urging his movements. Dean loved the feel of hard muscles under his angels ass and thighs working their magic. The rhythm Cas eventually found though was by no means meant for endurance, he’d gone from a cozy, lazy morning sesh to fast and hard in no time. And Dean was beyond thrilled because despite all the activity from yesterday, he was surprised at how  _ not _ worn out he was. Cas took both of them in his hand and Dean nearly went through the roof from sensitivity, it was almost too much.  _ Ok, maybe I’m a bit worn out. _ It took a lot of concentration to push through for a minute, his breath became extraordinarily ragged, he bit his lip as Cas buried his head in his shoulder and relentlessly sucked on his collar bone. Before he knew what was what, Cas had the entire bed slamming against the wall, his thighs straining and moving Dean very much like he did against the fridge door last night.  _ Oh gawd Cas yesss! Holy Hell angel keep goin’. _

The pressure wasn’t building anymore so much as it was exploding, the windows shook and it felt like the earth moved. Whether or not it was them or the storm, neither cared. All that mattered was the waves of liquid heat spilling between them, their gasping uneven breathing, the emerald and blue oceans staring back at each other, and the fierce pumping rhythm of their hearts in sync as they held onto what was most precious.

When they caught their breath Cas opened his eyes to see Dean grinning at him with such wonder and devotion...and amusement. “What has you in such a delightful state?” Cas playfully wondered aloud.

Dean rolled his eyes, “How on earth do you go from Holy Tax Accountant to Deviant Sex God, then back to adorkable like that?” snapping his fingers.

_ Sex God? Dean that’s such a nice compliment!  _ “You like the sex god thing?”

Dean smirked, crossed his wrists above his head on the pillows, and tried to shimmy down the bed but found it difficult with an angel solidly on top of him.

Cas’s eye’s flared a royal blue and he gripped Dean's wrists hard against the pillows.

He slowly reached his human's ear and his voice rumbled “I’ll give you this one pass Dean, submissive displays of any kind illicit reactions I may not be able to control. Unless you want to add ‘sex in public’ to your rap sheet let’s make sure to keep this between us, shall we?”

He then proceeded to kiss down Dean's collarbone to where he’d left a mark minutes earlier.  Certain Dean would be satisfied with that for now, he got up and yanked him by his leg down the bed. “Shower!” he chirped, like he’d started a game of tag. By the time Dean was sitting up Cas had dashed into the bathroom, rev’ed the water up and was washing.

_ Well ain’t he chipper this morning. Wish I could still move with speed of a teenager too.  _ He laughed to himself and thanked the stars for such a wonderful morning. As soon as he stepped into the shower, Cas scurried out.

“Where are you off to?” Dean prodded.

“Your breakfast,” Cas practically sang.

“I can make my own, you don’t need to do that.”

“Yes I know, I’m definitely not taking over as chef, believe me. But all you have are sandwich ingredients and that’s something I can make..please let me?”

It felt weird to Dean, but hey if Cas wanted to dabble in the kitchen he’d let him dabble as much as he liked.

“Alright then, have at it!” he grinned.

Cas popped his head in and gave him a kiss on the nose, then left to play Julia Childs. Dean wondered what the day would bring, if the weather would clear up enough to go out or if it was another shut in. If he was being honest he knew damn well he’d pick door no. 2. But he did hope to get some calls back from those he left messages with yesterday. He finished washing up and dried off, the smell of food and coffee was calling him.

He pulled out some underwear and was starting to put them on when he noticed Cas standing at the counter, still playing Naked Chef, and looking wistfully at him.

“What?” Dean wondered.

Cas’s shoulders shook as he chuckled to himself with his gorgeous arms folded across his tan chest. “I kind of prefer our current dress code.”   

Dean immediately snorted and tossed the underwear behind him not giving a crap where it landed, “Cas, you are so awesome.”

“No, I just don’t like pants anymore. Or underwear. You’ve ruined me for all clothing apparel. I’m not sure I can go back to my suit, tie, and trench coat after such a liberating experience here.”

“They’ve got colonies for that you know,” Dean fired back absentmindedly.

Cas looked curious for a moment so before anything tumbled out of his mouth Dean immediately said “NO.”

Dean strolled right up to him, snaking his arms around his neck, and winked. “Yer welcome though. Don’t be too quick to throw the clothes out, I’m sure we can put’em to good use again….” Dean mumbled as he smiled knowingly with a bite of toast in his mouth, kissing Cas on the head.

Cas’s eye’s flashed swiftly and a maniacal expression spread across his face, “Go ahead Dean, make my millenium.”

Dean laughed, and then choked on his toast. “You are somethin’ else, ya know that?”

“Yes. I thought I made that clear the night we met?” he replied with that adorkable head tilt Dean loved so much.

That made Dean laugh even harder, he grabbed the ham and tomatoes Cas decided to get creative with and fried for him. Sitting on the couch he motioned for Cas to sit with him. They sat there while Dean ate, and both had their coffee, listening to the storm still pitching it's temper tantrum. After breakfast Dean cleaned up the kitchen, thanked Cas the cook with a disgustingly fluffy assault of hugs and kisses, and flopped himself belly first on the bed again...checking his phone messages.  _ Hmm, maybe it's the reception from the storm. Anyone in this hemisphere has got to be affected.  _ He grabbed the pile of notes and went through them while remaining quite comfy on the massive bed. He noticed Cas on the couch with his eyes closed, like he was listening, no..being still.  _ Guess they’re having him do that part too. Makes sense, must be good for his vessel.  _ He continued pouring over notes and files, refreshing his memory and looking for anything he could have missed yesterday. Eventually he heard Cas come up the stairs, crawl on his back, sitting lightly on his hips and give him a very relaxing back scratch.

“Anything worth sharing with me yet?”

“Eh, I left a bunch of messages yesterday with the victim's families. Haven’t heard back yet, probably because of the storm or time difference. I did talk to Nalo, Finlays brother, about Nina though. That guy has a rough road ahead of him. He and his brother are already raising their siblings, working multiple jobs, but Nalo was in love with Nina. They grew up together all three of them and she went off to Oxford for school. She was a member of Mensa, came back here to teach high school science and help her community. He said when they were hunting the Yara, it did have a necklace and bracelet. He said it stopped and listened to a voice...it was singing. I heard the exact same thing the morning of the earthquake. It was a woman's voice and it's sounded creepy as Hell and really, really old. Nalo said Nina thought the same thing, guess she had a thing for dead languages or whatever. I wrote it down somewhere hold on.”

“Dean make sure you don’t use the name Nina outside of this cottage. They refer to her as Kunmanara, and any other deceased relatives or friends as such, it’s a general substitute for a first name. They believe if their loved one hears their name being spoken it will disturb their spirit. It’s taken very seriously. So it would be wise to remember that.”

“Huh, that’s different. Good to know. I really don’t want to rile anyone so thanks for the heads up. Wondered about the two names...didn’t know if she had an Aboriginal name and an English name or what.” He rummaged through his pile of notes while Cas continued to scratch his back. “Ah, here it is. She said it sounded like pre sanskrit or maybe even older.”

“There’s not a whole lot older than Sanskrit. The Aboriginal dialects are some of the oldest in the world still spoken. There are a few other language families it could belong to, however without me hearing it I can’t say for certain.”

“Soon as the weather clears up we can head out and do some poking around in the park again. Nalo said the Yara stopped, and listened to it. Right in the middle of pursuit. The voice, it had been running away from them but when it heard the voice it stopped dead in it's tracks listening to it. Kind of like it was trying to find the source. The forest is its predatory grounds, they feed on humans so why would a woman singing make it pause while being chased, much less try  to find it? This doesn’t sound like a typical Yara problem, I’m starting to worry there could be something bigger behind it.”

“I’m inclined to believe you. When and where did you hear the singing exactly?”

“When I needed some space, I went to the mausoleum and saw some more stuff there right before the earthquake hit. It sounded like there was a woman  _ in _ the structure itself with me but of course nobody else was there. No signs of spirit activity, and I looked outside but couldn’t see anyone.”

“And where did Nalo and Nina hear the voice?”

“They were up in Rodborough Park, towards the northernmost point of the park near Cedar Creek. Oh wait, I forgot I took pictures..there was a new mandala painted on the wall. What can you make of this?” he showed Cas who squinted and zoomed in on the design.

"I can see the differences between the first mandala and the second. The first is Aboriginal and the second is more distinctly Indian, and very ancient. There has been speculation as to when the first migration from India began. I believe it was roughly 55,000 years ago. Plenty of time for certain influences to have been made. But it's relevance in the mausoleum and now possibly with this voice...it’s very confusing. In modern times, people have been immigrating from India since the 1900’s. Certainly traditions were brought with them but the influences from the ancient times already took hold. The Indian Mandala in pre sanskrit, means ‘container’ or ‘essence’. In other words your higher self or soul. Mandalas are spaces for reflection and meditation, to connect with this higher self.”

“Like the Dadirri we’re practicing, it can help you connect with yourself on a higher level through basically stillness and meditation,” Dean connected the dots.

“Yes, that’s right. But as time went on and the teachings of Buddha were spreading, the container part was also thought to represent layers of the universe...or physical world around us. So the discovery and deeper understanding of the bridge if you will, fostered the connection between the physical world with the spiritual.”

“The veil…..” Dean trailed off.

“Exactly.

“Arri still hasn’t gotten back to me about the rest of the results, but in all fairness I don’t see how he’s had time to sleep let alone deal with the earthquake and now this system blowing through. Hopefully he can send me some kind of news soon though, even if it rules something out” Dean sighed and dropped his head against the mattress as he tried to remember the last time he got a back scratch.

“So have you any theories as to a connection between the victims?”

“Yeah, they all got abducted by little red men,” Dean said as he shoved the papers away, succumbing to his angels touch. He felt very calm, then curious.

“Speaking of which,  _ are _ there little  _ green _ men? Aliens, Cas ?”  _ Can’t believe I’ve never asked him this! He’s like the Encyclopedia Brittanica of the Universe, now I gotta know….. _

Cas playfully rolled his eyes behind Dean's back, _ “ _ Perhaps we should concern ourselves with the vermin that conduct the kidnapping and probing here on earth for the time being.”

Dean tried to flip over and face him but failed, “Wait so there  _ are _ actually butt probing aliens out there? Or just non inquisitive little green men?” Both laughed, Cas was amused at Dean's sudden interest but still wouldn’t budge from this side of vague on the matter.

“It’s far more complicated than you could guess and not quite what you think. But rest assured you are not alone and not unique at all in your existential curiosity. Just like on earth there is a balance to be kept, but on a much grander scale. I will say it’s a situation best left...undisturbed. One day I promise to tell you more.”

“Fiiiine, keep your secrets! And I’ll keep mine,” Dean said, as if he actually had any from Cas.

His angel raised that eyebrow, laced his fingers with Deans, and lay over his back holding him close. “I happen to know a few already Dean, your collateral is nonexistent,” he said humorously. He sat back up, crossed his arms, and allowed Dean to turn over on his back and confront him face to face.

“What, pray tell oh pious creature, have you pillaged from my brain now?” Dean leered.

“That’s for me to know and use when  _ you  _ least expect,” Cas promised, “payback.”

_ Oh. Crap. “ _ Tell me.”

“No.”

“Tell me.”

“Nyet.”

“Cas,  _ Tell me..” _

_ “ _ Nein.”

“Tell me or….”

“ _ Nej” _

_ “ _ Cas dammit tell me!” Dean was getting frustrated but laughed.

“Yugumm.”

“Cas I swear on all that's holy!!”

Cas raised his hands, “Fine. Wahlu ninyeire gumera gaureima ya talgunn tchooegabullei.”

“That doesn’t count c’mon!”

Dean took advantage of Cas’s knees being within perfect reach and started pinching just above the kneecap in the meaty part with his thumb and index finger. A look of shock flashed across Cas's face as he twitched and tried to pull them up but succeeded in doing nothing but giving Dean the wiggle room he needed to flip them both over so he was on top. Then he went in for the kill with Cas’s ribs and delighted in his angels dismay at his vessels betrayal.  _ I can’t believe he’s this darn ticklish. It’s cute, he’s so damn cute! I really don’t get to hear him laugh ever. _ Dean did his best to hold Cas’s arms away from his side so he could keep tickling him. He didn’t know if Cas was generously giving him the advantage or if he really was so sensitive that tickle torture was his kryptonite.

_No, I’m the kryptonite. This guy is as_ _strong as Superman_ _and_ _he’s rendered a giggling mess by me? What’s wrong with his mojo lately? Seriously..this worries me._ Dean didn’t want to kill the mood so he immediately busied himself with peppering those sensitive ribs with soothing light kisses, then worked his way up to Cas’s chest, he slid his left arm under his angels neck and pulled Cas’s right hand in his own, folding them both just under his chin. Still so much was left unsaid between them, Dean was so happy, but there was always, _always_ that other shoe which inevitably dropped and if he wasn’t careful..would shatter his heart. When did he ever get a break? Especially one this damn good? He wanted more than anything to believe this perfect angel wasn’t dooming himself to be with him somehow. Track records showed when Cas got involved with the Winchesters the celestial shit hit the fan and one or all of them had to fight for their lives. He wanted so much more for this beautiful creature than the curse of himself. _Better tuck this away so he doesn’t know...diversion time._

Cas wondered why Dean had stopped tickling him so abruptly. His chest flickered with pain briefly and he feared something had happened. But it passed instantaneously and here was his human showering affection and smiles upon him. He thought perhaps it was Dean's subconscious flinging something to the surface. But Cas let it go and got lost in those forests of green and felt his heart flutter when Dean kissed him sweetly. He loved being held like this, these quiet moments had become infinitely precious to him. He briefly wondered if they’d ever be able to leave each other alone for long. They’d have to set some rules when they got home or poor Sam would consistently be shocked and afraid to roam the halls of his home comfortably. That simply would not do. He couldn’t see them staying in Dean's room either, it being right next to Sam’s. Not that they were particularly loud, but the freedom to not be worried about it as much was appealing. Especially if the mutual inclination to get a touch aggressive arose. He wished the showers were more private...that he would leave for Dean and Sam to sort out, the brothers seem to have developed a functioning system for personal procedures of that nature over the years. Cas sighed in content, a being such as himself had someone he belonged to and a home with a beloved brother waiting on the other side of this adventure. He hoped with all of his grace Dean was as happy as he was in this moment. He certainly seemed to be, given all the loving snuggles going on in that huge bed. It was interrupted however by Dean’s phone ringing, his human closed his eyes and took a deep breath in minor frustration. He held Cas’s face and gave his forehead a quick kiss before answering.

“Hello?”

Cas sensed the call would bring much needed information and so he left Dean to employ his well honed investigative skills in peace. He decided to look through pictures on his phone he’d taken of archival photos...many were cave and rock drawing, diagrams, and clay artifacts. He websearched mandalas from around the globe and compared them to the ones he’d seen briefly in the collection. Two things were necessary for him to move forward with his part of the case. He needed to spend more time in the archives with Alden or one of the other council members well versed in tribal history, and it was imperative he hear the strange song that had been heard by Nina and Dean. The storm in no way had let up, any attempt to go out in those conditions would be very irresponsible so all he had left was the internet, thankfully it was still working somehow, and he could make a few phone calls to Alden, Jobeka, and her father Jonah.

He decided to check in with Jobeka first, he’d been wondering how Alison and Callum were doing anyways. It was a short conversation as Alison had pulled off enough fluid during the first and second treatment to be released with the expectation she follow up with the nephrologist and continue weekly dialysis treatments at a clinic closer to home. Callum was undergoing surgery for his hip so Jobeka and Shasta were in the process of getting Alison comfortably situated at their hotel across the street. She suggested Cas chat with Jonah about the Indian migration, she did remember hearing a few stories throughout her childhood. He would also have more insight with the mandalas, and language history of the region. She did manage to ask him about the lemon and sandalwood items around the homes in their neighborhood and indeed they did come from Indian practices but she wasn’t able to pinpoint a time frame when the influence took hold. He thanked her and asked that she keep them informed about Callum.

He decided to text Connor Spade for an update on Judith, she was still in the Cardiac I.C.U. Her condition had improved somewhat but they were struggling to find an effective arrhythmia medication and were contemplating a pacemaker. It would still be awhile before she could be moved to the regular cardiac unit. Raylan was doing well and had even been introduced to a little friend whose grandmother roomed next to Judith.

Next he called Jonah who was staying at Jobeka’s home to keep an eye on things. He was able to offer that the First Peoples culture, not just the Yugambeh tribe, had placed the odd smelling items to ward off evil for thousands of years. The recipe was extraordinarily simple and most family kept it in large stores, refreshing the ritual at the end of each lunar cycle. As far as the haunting song was concerned he hadn’t heard anything himself but was aware of it through Nalo’s account and informed Cas that remnants of ancient Indian dialects were found in all First People languages from many thousands of years ago, his best guess was that for at least 20,000-30,000 years they’d had steady interaction with other continents and archipelagos. This abruptly stopped about 10,000-12,000 years ago when sea levels rose dramatically fast, closing off several migration routes. They both knew it was the Great Deluge from the Bible which caused this and briefly discussed the few times angels had intervened in the fate of the First People.

The necklace and bracelet on the Yara was indeed very curious and upon sharing everything Cas had learned between Dean and Alden in the past few days even Jonah considered the situation to be more complex than originally thought. He assured Cas that many rituals involving animal bones and talismans, jewelry, and other various items where benevolent in nature yet he was aware of a few that could be quite harmful. They were carried out with some rather disturbing intentions and revealed whomever bestowed the bone jewelry upon the Yara was incredibly powerful. Jonah felt very strongly that the species the bones belongs to which the Yara wore, would be a clear indication of not only what, but whom they might be dealing with. He mentioned almost absentmindedly that he hoped they weren’t rat bones. This caught Cas’s attention.

“What significance do rat bones have?”

“It’s more Indian than Aboriginal, but bestowing jewelry made from rat bones binds them to you. You could bind someone for various reasons such as obsession, protection of others against the person you’ve bound, a way to control a forced bond..like control the actions of someone, or some _ thing.” _

_ “ _ Jonah, I don’t wish to alarm you or anyone else but have you noticed an increase in the rat population over there? Or is it normal this time of year to have so many rats roaming around?  We've noticed the increase in the number of cats earning their keep just from the few times we visited.”

“Now that you mention it I have. It’s definitely the season in which populations increase but I was commenting..oh when was it? About two weeks ago, mhmm, said something to Alden and Grace about it. That was before Kunmanara Bilin was killed, and Nalo was the first to notice it on the Yara. I need let Alden know about this, finding that Yara needs to be the top priority. Soon as the weather gives us even a slight break we need to get a group out there. This should have been a red flag earlier damn it. We just didn’t put it together because of the season.”

“Perhaps it was intentional, what or whom would have the power to bind a Yara? It’s hard enough for your skilled hunters to track and take one down within a few weeks when you suspect one is present. How would someone go about catching one?”

“Difficult to say, there’s been a few cases through the ages of powerful shamans that chose a very dark path powerful enough to do it. Demons  _ could _ potentially have that kind of power but they usually prefer to wreak the havoc themselves, it would be out of character but not impossible.”

“Please speak to Alden about this as soon as possible.  We've put calls out to interview the victim's families for anything that may have been missed pattern wise that could be of use. Let us know when a group goes out, I need to identify that language and we both want to help.”

“Certainly, I’ll let you know what I find out from Alden. I thought I’d read something years ago that mentioned when an animal's remains are used in a dark spell the local species of that animal is affected...drawn in if you will, to the source of that magic. Upsetting the balance always means environmental imbalances, many people often overlook the signs our earth gives us when something is wrong.”

“Glad I could make the observation, even though I thought it at first trivial.”

They hung up, Dean had finished his phone call and was writing notes quietly on the bed. Cas wanted to lay down with him again, but needed to give him space too. He felt at times the carnal needs of his vessel were relentless. His grace ensured he needed virtually no recovery time after sex so even though his higher brain function distracted itself long enough to give Dean's body a rest, his lower brain function felt more like it was a Hellhound in perpetual heat. It was miserable. And wonderful. Something he never thought he’d have, he laughed at the irony that he loved and craved the torture of it all. He laid down on the couch, listening to the rain and wind, he’d witnessed storms far worse. The Great Flood was heartbreaking and devastating on so many levels because it affected the angels in much the same way it had the surviving humans. Obviously Utnapishtim and his family were not the only survivors, but there had truly been so few humans left. It’s an awful thing to lose your family and friends, but to fear there was no one left at all anywhere...the abandonment people felt was something he’d heard was beyond tragic. He had thought that finally this event might be the silver lining, the one thing that angels would have in common with humans. Though he hadn’t wanted it to happen, he felt the loss of his nieces and nephews could’ve been lamented  _ with _ the humans. A shared loss on which to build a foundation rather than the humans being viewed as objects for their pleasure or disdain. But it seemed the loss convinced his brethren that the humans were truly worthy of only their pity and disgust, and so the divide grew even further.

As Cas recalled memories and stories of eons before while lounging on the couch, Dean had decided to get the daily Dadirri out of the way. When his phone alarm vibrated he felt somewhat drowsy, he quietly padded down the steps to look at the tanned perfection that had draped himself across the couch.  _ I’m standing here like a creep, just like I used to fuss at him about. What an asshole, I didn’t know back then. I could stand here for hours now and watch him. He’s so beautiful, makes me wanna cry.  _ Dean wanted Cas so much, lately his body felt like the energizer bunny. But he'd also never felt so emotional around anyone either, it scared him. The cottage was keeping them safe from the raging storm outside and it occurred to Dean that Cas was his shelter from the storm. Everything Cas had ever done was to protect Sam and him, save them from even themselves at times. He made plenty of mistakes and they were always so busy cleaning up the messes they’d never been able to slow down enough to really, truly make sure he understood how much he meant to them. Dean could now understand how Cas believed himself a failure, yet in truth he was the opposite. He never accepted his mistakes and moved on, he didn’t stop until he'd righted them as best he could and took full responsibility, and still carried the aftermath like chains to the past. They were so alike, never resting until broken things were fixed and working, well functioning again anyways. This creature had chosen him, a stubborn pain in the ass.  _ I’m expected to believe I drew the winning lotto number? Pfft! Ha! I drew it alright, Cas is my winning Powerball. But no way do I get to keep it. There’ll be fine print somewhere, always is. Screw it though, I did win with him and if anyone tries to tell me different then they can just try to pry this golden ticket out of my cold, dead, and bloody hands. He’s mine, he’ll alway be mine, for as long as he wants to be.  _ He had sinful things in mind given the display in front of him. But the overwhelming urge to curl up with him and just  _ be,  _ won out. He carefully sunk down against the back of the couch on his side along Cas who moved over a little to welcome his favorite human. Dean snuggled into Cas’s side, right arm flopped over his chest and legs tangled slightly. The sound from the fierce wind and pings of heavy raindrops became lulling. The last thing he remembered before drifting off were cozy arms holding him near a heartbeat which more often than not these days beat in perfect sync with his own.

~*~*~

Dean stood in the middle of a massive field, greener than any green he'd known. The wind was blowing slightly, little swirls kissed his skin. He realized he didn't have any clothes on, but it didn’t seem to matter. The sun was more dim than he’d seen, in well...ever. But it was not difficult to see, like during twilight time. There were...stars out? Something was out in addition to the sun high in the sky which made spotting enormous mountains in the distance much easier than it should have been. It wasn’t unpleasant though, it actually felt easier to see the details in the landscape. He wondered where he was. 

_ Yes Dean, where is this? Something tells me we aren’t in Kansas anymore. But it looks similar to Kansas. _

Dean scanned the horizon and found an unbelievably massive home set on a hilltop. It looked like a beautiful blend of ranch style and craftsman architecture. The closer Dean got, the more detail of the home popped out at him. It was forest green with white trim, and had mahogany doors and shutters. Dean thought the size of the home was simply incredible, single story homes just weren’t this tall. It could’ve easily reached to three stories or maybe even four, like a dollhouse but it stretched far and wide over the hilltop and was clearly single story. Cas felt Dean surmise the ceilings must be vaulted and made for giants. He climbed the steps and admired a beautiful porch swing to the right nearly the size of a double bed.  _ Perhaps a new kind of family style porch swing? _

He went through the front door without even knocking, normally it would have been such an odd thing to do but something about this place felt eerily familiar. Like he’d spent time here before...but couldn’t remember when or even if with whom. The open floor plan made the place look cavernous, and despite the dim sun outside, light seemed to fill up each room to the point that even the dust motes looked like a glitter parade. It made focusing on anything for long difficult. Dean saw beautiful wood furniture everywhere and couches of lightly worn, treated soft leather. The decor pleased Dean... _ best man cave on the planet  _ was his exact thought. In a game room of sorts there was a large pool table and a bar, a huge bar with a beautiful wooden sign with the name San Jack Saloon carved in with intricate western style filigree. Dean was impressed there were beers on tap and walked over to investigate. He grabbed a pint glass and immediately pulled from the tap labeled Family Business Beer,  _ how could I not? _

As he enjoyed the first swig he roamed around the Casa Gargantua to peruse the rest of the home. An open library came into view which drew his attention. There were several new books, but some older ones too...familiar...his copies of Vonnegut were there,  _ how cool. And Dad’s journal! Enochian tablets and volumes of...well I don’t know but what is this place, really? _ He rounded the corner to find a lovely kitchen which looked lived in, loved, and warm. A row of yellow mugs lined the counter next to a rather fancy looking Keurig Coffee Machine and a big jar of honey not far off. He heard a noise...from  _ a garage? _ Setting the beer down, he began roaming the halls for an entrance to an attached garage, echoing sounds guided him to a door through a laundry room he was pretty sure he could play a round of golf in, and finally into a garage fit for a match between Manchester United and Liverpool. _ The sheer size of this place is so strange. _ He turned towards a sound, one that felt like  _ home. It’s my Cas! Aaaah, tight t-shirt and Levi’s, this must be my blue heaven. _

_ Dean, this is so peculiar. Where is this dream? Why am I getting deja vu? You’ve looked at me like that before, I’ve looked back at you like that before! _

Dean walked up to Cas who was smiling at him with so much love, but startling sadness behind those amazing blue eyes.  _ Morning Sunshine! _

**_Morning Star_ ** ! Cas and dream Cas said in unison.

_ Why ya working on Baby? What happened, is she alright?  _ The regal Impala looked so banged up, almost a twisted piece of scrap. So much worse than the wreck with Sammy and Dad.

_ No Dean, but she will be I promise.  _ Cas reassured Dean with a gentle hand on his shoulder which pulled him into a heartening hug..it oddly felt like a painful goodbye.

_ Why are you sad? _

_ It’s time Dean. Time to go. _

_ I don’t like how sad you are Cas. You’re coming too right? _

_ I will be with you, yes. Always. _

_ Then why are you so sad? _

_ Our time here is precious Dean, I will miss it greatly. _

_ But we’ll be together, that's all that matters. _

_ Yes, we will be together. _

Cas lead Dean to a side door and it was so very, very dark down the hall. Dean knew he had to walk down the hall, there was no choice. It wasn’t the end after all, just...tough, a tough journey ahead. But someone was waiting for him, someone who loved him and needed him. Cas said he’d go with him and they’d always be together. He didn’t want to go, but he knew he could do this no matter how difficult. Cas held his face and even through the sadness spilling out in waves of blue he had such love for Dean, he knew everything would be ok. Cas kissed both his eyes closed, then kissed his forehead. He gave him one last kiss on his lips with a breath of grace and commanded, “Rise now, my Morning Star.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yugambeh Translations  
> Cas: Wahlu ninyeire gumera gaureima ya talgunn tchooegabullei/ You like love stories and wore women's underwear.


	15. Chapter 15

_ This is impossible. How? It was gone, I made sure of it. Naomi ordered me to. How is he… _

Cas couldn’t breath, could barely think straight. His chest was hurting and he felt like he could shed enough tears to flood the planet all over again.  _ The framework is different but it’s there, I don’t understand. Nobody ever recalls it, once it's gone it never returns. Yet it's there, sequence and all. Oh Dean you have no idea how special you are! He’s waking up, take a deep breath. _

Dean felt drained, he wasn’t sure why he fell asleep in the first place. But he was wrapped up with Cas which trumped any other feeling in the world.

“Good sleep?” his angel asked.

“I guess. Sorry, I don’t know why I conked out like that. Feel kinda weird, didn’t have a nightmare though right?”

“No unpleasant dreams. You aren’t used to giving your body rest when it needs it Dean. Four or five hours broken up here and there every night isn’t acceptable and you know it. I wish you were more kind to yourself. You have been better since coming here though.”

“Gee I wonder why” he said with a quiet, silly tone. He scooted up to kiss Cas and pulled the angels leg around his hip, for a few moments they just enjoyed the coziness of each other in silence. Dean’s phone rang again, his body was mildly frustrated but they both knew the more calls came in the more information would help everyone all around. He detangled himself from Cas and answered before it hung up. It was just as well, Cas was still reeling from Dean’s dream and needed to process.

Dean spent the next several hours on the phone as clusters of people called in. Cas was quite pleased that something was happening, given the weather their hands were still tied but every bit of information got them closer to solving this case. He just wished there was something at the moment  _ he  _ could do. A notification on his own phone brought him that purpose.

**Alden calling Council meeting. Storm to abate tonight, shooting for late gathering at 22:00. Dress for rough weather, will hunt if safe enough.**

Cas got up and began pulling out weather appropriate clothes for himself and Dean. Then he made him a sandwich, and decided they needed to make a grocery run first chance they got. When Dean got off the phone he gave Cas a questioning look, “Something up?”

“There’s a meeting tonight, and a possible hunt later. You slept lunch away,” he said as he winked and set the sandwich down. “Sit, eat, talk.”

Dean happily did as he was told, “Well, I am getting a pattern of sorts. Since Arri probably had Joe Schmoe from the department interviewing the families before realizing the culprit, I doubt they thought to poke and prod like only I can.”

“Ilikeyourpokingandproding,” Cas quickly said under his breath.

“What?”

“Hmm?”

Dean cleared his throat, “Anyways, Jake Seneca, the twenty year old from Toowoomba, the first victim...recently came out to his family. Family and friends seemed cool with it, no enemies. Celeste Burr, twenty three years old from Kagaru, the second victim was a physical medium, no enemies. Third victim was Kirk Farnsworth, twenty two years old, was the Astronomy major from Brisbane. He was stargazing over at the Palm Grove Forest section, was granted membership to Mensa at the age of 13 for aptitude in highly advanced mathematics. Danny Nason, the seventeen year old volunteer at that kid's camp down the road, mom reluctantly told me he thought he was an empath but the family wasn’t too pleased about that assessment as it sounded akin to the 'devil's work’. Kit Jorgenson, twenty years old and his sister Cara, twenty one, from Alice Springs practiced white magic that ran in their family. They were taken up by Rotary Point. Next up is Scott Dersch, fifty three year old tourist from Folsom, California. He was a musical genius on the piano and nearly every other instrument. His ex wife said he could pick up a flute or a banjo, hear a tune and play it back perfectly with only having heard it once. They divorced quite amicably about four years ago, despite the reason being he’d fallen in love with his best friend of 37 years and said friend being a guy. I haven’t heard back yet from the parents of Ryhs Cobb, the seven year old. Maybe tonight we can ask Alden about him. Then there was Nina, a Mensa member. Judith Spade, from Grants Pass Oregon...other than being able to kick my ass along with the red devil himself, was there anything of note, anything extraordinary Connor told you about her?”

“Other than Connor mentioning that thing with the olympics, no.”

“What  _ thing  _ with the olympics? Dean asked, eyebrows raised.

“He said she was a gold medalist in the olympics, she competed in the Judo event.”

“I thought you said she did Jujitsu?”

“It’s virtually the same, only a few small differences. Perhaps some of the Jujitsu techniques she studies aren’t allowed, with practice she could easily compete in Judo.”

“Uh, kay. Well I’d say that’s an enhanced athletic ability unless we can determine she’s a psychic bisexual scientific witch or who knows what else...maybe check in with her husband again.”

“Fine, wasn’t there a child, Jesse?”

“Yep, I have the autopsy report. Let’s see if that photographic memory can recognize him.”

Cas looked at him funny but Dean handed him a photo of the deceased before he could ask what he meant. Upon examining the photo, Cas indeed could recognize the youth as Jesse Turner, the boy Dean and Sam tried to help years before but had slipped through their fingers. Graces’ reports indicated the child had significant powers, they had been helping him for sometime to continue controlling them. How he’d ended up in this very area they have no idea.

Cas was going over the toxicology reports and other blood work when Dean finished his sandwich and offered, “So basically these people technically could be viewed by some as 'out of the norm’, some even possessing extraordinary abilities.”

“Yaaaa, Dean I’m definitely seeing anomalies in his blood work. The level of myokine proteins in these samples are off the charts.”

“We already knew he was only half human. Is the myokine how the demon part manifests itself?”

“I’m not familiar much with the medical indications of demonic bloodlines. Most souls are turned, not born. But in theory because Lucifer spawned the first demons, and if any of them conceived _ children, _ the common ancestry could yield similar results.

“I thought Nephilim children were half human, half angel.”

“Yes, and he was half human, half demon. The the level of protein markers here indicate overabundance of physical strength. Given the powers he had, and anyone with diluted nephil ancestry with above normal strength…”

“You said there are descendants of the nephilim from the flood, but to survive they had to assimilate and now those with the bloodlines are difficult to detect. Is blood work the only way to tell if someone has demon or nephilim ancestry?”

“I believe over the millennia certain side effects did present. You saw how powerful Jesse was, the nephil woman had abilities too. This child Kelly is carrying already possesses immense strength. A nephil’s muscles would likely be overdeveloped to a degree just as Jesse’s are as well...see in the picture?”

“I was wondering about that, he was almost twenty when he died, I guess if you worked out hard enough maybe it could get to that point but it almost reminded me of those pictures of cattle with way too much growth hormone.”

“There’s a condition..muscle hypertrophy. Myokine is a protein growth inhibitor and in patients with excessive muscle mass and density it’s found in much larger amounts, naturally occurring of course. There aren’t any downsides really, and not everyone with this anomaly is of the nephilim race, or maybe demonic for that matter, it’s just an indicator that they could be.”

“Would you say there are enough of these myokine proteins present to potentially give someone an olympic level athletic ability?”

“I would say that’s an excellent possibility, yes. Even a human with diluted lineage, say an eighth or one sixteenth could manifest this condition. It seems I need to pay Judith a visit and get a look at her lab work to verify.”

“I agree. What’s going on at your end? Have you heard from Jobeka?”

“Yes, they’ve discharged Alison and she’s resting at the hotel across the street. She’ll be starting dialysis a few days from now and Callum had his hip surgery this morning. I also spoke with Jonah, there’s a greater connection with ancient Indian culture here. That lemon and sandalwood stuff is a hand-me-down tradition. Also Jonah agreed the bones on the necklace need to be analyzed because if they are rat bones, then it’s likely someone has bound the Yara to them for frightening purposes and that takes tremendous power. Hopefully what we have to share with them tonight can help give everyone a better direction. I’m just not sure though how we would track someone behind this. If we return the Yara, the connection to the binder would be broken, it could make the situation even worse. I hope the meeting is productive.”

“I’m glad I grabbed those windbreakers last minute then. We’re still gonna come back soaked to the bone, I better ask the desk for more towels. Can’t give Mal back to Callum looking like we had a few mud wrestling matches inside.”

“You should get some rest before we head out. Unless Ryhs Cobb’s family calls, you’ve done all you can do aside from sharing with the council what you’ve learned.”

“I can think of a restful activity involving us both,” Dean smiled shyly.

_ He never gets shy about that, why on earth…”  _ that’s unbelievably fun Dean, but by no means restful,” Cas chided playfully.

“Nah Cas, that’s not what I…” he chuckled then took a deep breath, “will you kiss me?” he asked, pink spreading across his beautiful freckles.

_ Oh. He has the sex drive of a teenager, swears like a sailor, and he gets nervous asking me to kiss him? Dean you are so wonderfully endearing. _

It seemed Dean had only blinked and then he was carefully laid on the bed by his angel cuddling close. Cas happily whispered, “As you wish” and granted the request until it was time to go.

~*~*~

When they stepped outside dressed in their waterproof hiking boots jeans, t-shirts, and windbreakers it was like wandering through a hurricane sauna. The rain had ceased, but the wind whipped furiously around them and all the moisture in the air hung like steam right after a shower.  _ So much worse than Kansas, I feel like my lungs are drowning!  _ Dean was surprised at the minor difficulty he had breathing deeply enough. He’d never experienced this kind of humidity. They lay towels on the seats in the Malibu and carefully made their way down the wet and windy roads to the community area where the council was waiting inside the main building. Long rows of chairs had been set up and the smell of fresh coffee percolating reached them as they walked in. Gilrad greeted them cheerfully, he’d hoped the earthquake and storm hadn’t scared them off. Dean assured him the Huntsman spider he encountered a few days earlier would have far better luck convincing them to leave the country than Mother Nature’s temper tantrums.

Grace had found her way over as well and expressed her regret at having to miss a few meetings and hoped all was well with them both. Dean had a second while Cas and Gilrad were engaged in a discussion about fig trees to mention there were things to discuss when next they met. He saw most of the hunters coming in together and congregating by the coffee, he excused himself and Cas so they could grab some as well. Bobori and Minjei began speaking with Cas in the dialect with a tone of impishness. Dean of course waited patiently for Cas to translate.

“It seems the People have decided on a suitable name for you. From what they’ve seen of your hunting skills and technique they feel it’s a good fit.”

_ Uh oh. I know I’m not the Flash or anything but I can hold my own. This could go either way though based on my first night or when I freaked out over the spider. At least let it be something cool like Hawkeye from Last of the Mohicans or something. “ _ Let’s hear it,” he said, bracing himself. They began in Yugambeh, Dean wondered why but thought maybe they were nervous. So Cas dutifully translated.

“Uh..it seems you’ve reminded them of an animal native to this forest…..”

_ Crap...what a koala? _

“..it’s admired for it’s speed, cunning, and intelligent evasion tactics…”

_ Doesn’t sound so bad… _

“Wa’iam” Borobi said.

Cas’s eyes got wide and he asked something in the dialect. “Ungjurrajumm?”

“Yau” Borobi smiled.

Suddenly Castiel burst into laughter. It wasn’t loud but given that Dean had never seen him laugh, really laugh hard...like ever, it was alarmingly. He had tears coming out his eyes. He was bent over, his hand on the table with the coffee carafes holding himself up. _What the heck man?_

_ “ _ Wa’iam. Means  _ squirrel”  _ Cas cackled.

_ Really? I’ll stick with the darkness thank you very much. _

_ “ _ I promise not to tell Crowley,” he said wiping his tears.

All Dean could do was glare at him and try to explain to Minjei and Borobi “Inside joke back home with a coworker,” without letting on he wasn’t thrilled.

Last thing he needed was them feeling offended, but he kinda got the sense the name was more a friendly, silly gesture. He was fast and agile, more than once people had made this observation so it wasn’t a complete insult. Whatever, as long as they weren’t offended by his name and didn’t say “hey you” all the time he’d deal.

Arri scrambled over to Cas and handed him a folder, “Take a look at these real quick if you can,” he said and looked at Dean, “Things have been held up at the lab but they faxed this to me this evening.”

Cas nodded and started flipping through, the contents which captured his attention immediately. They sat down and Cas was about to say something about the scans of the burnt paper but Alden walked in.

His presence drew attention and everyone grabbed a seat. He addressed them and apologized for the late hour. He allowed Arri to speak briefly about relief efforts in regards to the earthquake and now the storm. The rain had briefly subsided but was expected to begin again sometime around three am. The system coming in was much smaller, the wind was expected to die down but doplar had indicated some thick areas of potential microburst. So they needed to be cautious around terrain known for crevasses and severe drops in case of flash floods or mudslides.

Arri asked Dean to present his findings with the council, which he did rather nervously. To his relief he wasn’t laughed out of the room. Grace filled in the blank about Ryhs Cobb which strongly supported his theory, his ability was similar to that of Jesse Turner but his parentage could be verified, she’d collect lab work to submit. His powers were similar to Jesse's but nowhere near as powerful. The tribe had concluded when he was five he had kinetic abilities that were limited to inorganic items and objects. Everyone was surprised to learn Dean and Cas had met Jesse before, the fact that Cas had tried to kill him had been left out of course. Dean said they needed to get a look at the lab results for Judith Spade to confirm the suspicion she was of a nephilim bloodline.

Next up was Cas, who confirmed the second mandala was indeed from antiquity, his best guess placed it around 45,000-55,000 years old. He admitted to not having been “stationed in the neighborhood” at the time but had studied the planet's history upon his return and it's style strongly matched what was popular at the time. He also shared that although it was not enough to be definitive, the pictograph samples in the scans look consistent with Indian dialects of the same time period. He also informed everyone that the fragments of bone belonged to a rodent species, as reported from the lab in Beenleigh. The tension in the room became instantly palpable, it was apparent everyone knew rat bones were never a good sign in that corner of the globe when magic was involved.

Arri suggested at that point the hunters take advantage of the break in the weather. Everyone was on duty tonight including a few hunters from nearby tribes who'd graciously answered the request for help that Alden had made. Jamuna broke them off into teams, Cas and Dean were thankful to stay together this time.

“So we’re going to try something different tonight. Bait” Jamuna said with a loaded tone.

“How so? I thought human was the only course it preferred on the menu,”  Dean asked.

“Nothing’s changed. We’re just going to be far more present and less obvious. Instead of darting around hunting, each team will be preoccupied with an activity of their own choosing,” she said with a hint of pleasantness in her voice, “now any preference on where you’d like to set up camp?”

“How about the Pine Grove Forest section?” Cas asked. They hadn't really scouted that area much.

“We’ll leave you to it then. Whatever you do, do it like you mean it. None of the victims were behaving in a threatening manner, each just minding their own business. Figure it's worth a shot. Here’s a few radios, try not to lose them. Best of luck,” she left with a wink.

They hopped in Mal and slowly made their way up the road, north east to their chosen section. The road was clear and went through the forest on a little road where it opened to flats. The wind was still strong but the rain for now had completely stopped thankfully and the moon would even peek out every now and then. Dean and Cas carefully sat on the hood of the car holding hands and just looked at each other. A human and an angel, each certain that the face looking back at them was God’s most beautiful creation, one they didn’t deserve but cherished anyways. Lightning struck, it looked close but they surmised it hit passed the northernmost end of the park. Two seconds later thunder boomed all around them, both smiled...ominous and dangerous sounds had become synonymous with them from the night they met. It was oddly romantic sitting out in the middle of a thunder and lightning storm waiting for something lethal to approach.

“Must be Thursday,” Dean teased. Just then rainfall hit like the heavens had opened.

“That didn’t take long,” Cas laughed, hopping up to get back inside.

They both closed their doors at the same time, and Dean was already overheating despite wearing only a t shirt under his windbreaker. He ripped the thing off and used it to wipe the excess rain out of his hair. It was wet, spiky, and made his green eyes shine even brighter. Cas couldn’t help but hold his breath looking at this picture before him...the mussed hair, black t-shirt showing the firm muscles in his arms, and the blue jeans that were snug in all the right places. He laid back against the driver's door, arms folded across his chest in this stunning restored classic..it reminded Cas of a bygone era and Dean was  _ his  _ Rebel without a Cause.  _ Oh geez, my pants are getting tight. I can’t believe this is happening right now, we’re supposed to be hunting!  _ He shifted uncomfortably in the seat. Dean glanced over with a questioning look. Cas tugged at his windbreaker in hopes it covered everything.

_ What’s his deal I wonder? Kinda like the way he’s giving me the once over... “ _ You getting too warm? It’s awful muggy in here, I can turn on the a/c…”

“N-no, I’m not hot.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, I put you at a solid 6,” Dean smirked.

Cas squinted his eyes, the precursor to “I don’t understand that reference.”

Dean chuckled,”Relax I’m kidding. I happen to think you're a twelve at least.”

The head tilted to the side and Dean burst into laughter. “The scale from one to ten of how hot someone is? One is...well your personality must be great and ten being the hottest you can get.”

“By hot you’re referring to...how attractive someone is?”

“Yep.”

“You think I’m a twelve? That sounds impossible given the range of the scale and the lack of variation aside from the values within...oooh……………………………………………...you mean I’m impossibly attractive?”

Dean just laid back against the door trying to suppress a smile while delivering an intense eye smolder. The impact of Deans compliment took hold and it did nothing whatsoever to help the growing situation in his jeans. He shifted again to alleviate some of the pressure.

Curiosity got the better of Dean, “Something wrong Cas?”

“No, why?”

“Kinda shifty tonight, you nervous?”

“No.” Before he could stop himself he shifted again. Now Dean would not let it go.

“Did we buy those a size too small Cas?”

“No they’re fine, I wore them the other day, remember?”

“Delightfully. Then why do you seem so uncomfortable?”

“I-I’m not..it’s jjust..uh,” his eyes were getting bigger with panic and he absentmindedly tugged again on the windbreaker.

“Looks like that windbreaker is bothering you...it should probably come off.”

“No I’m f-fine, honestly.”

“You  _ are _ fine. But you don’t look like you're feeling fine,” he drawled as he sat up slowly and began to lean over towards Cas.

“Hmm respiratory rate is elevated, pupils are dilated, nervous, adjusting yourself…” he kissed Cas’s neck a few times and gave him a sharp bite. He felt Cas lean into him a little and exhale sharply. “I miss you Cas...think I know what the problem is.”

“W-what?” Cas asked shakily.

Dean's sneaky hand maneuvered under the windbreaker lightening fast and confirmed his happy suspicion. “Mmmhmm,” he kissed and lightly sucked on Cas’s neck, “you need to cum”. Dean gently squeezed and rubbed the bulging length that Cas’s jeans were painfully covering. His angel grumbled pleasantly but then remembered himself, “We’re supposed to be hunting!”

“We’re supposed to preoccupy ourselves, I’ve chosen the parts of you that clearly need the most distraction..” he trailed off as he disarmed Cas of reason and logic with his velvety tongue caressing his mouth. He heard Cas softly moan, resigned to his blissful fate. As nature rumbled on loudly outside, Dean flicked on his iPod without missing a beat and seconds later Cas heard the ticking of cymbals and the quick needling of an electric guitar, followed shortly after by the rhythmic booming and deep reverberations of drums. Cas briefly smiled to himself,  _ Leave it to Dean and his flare for the dramatic to go 'parking’ and throw out AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” as a mood starter. _

Dean’s fingers ran through Cas’s hair, then carefully tugged his head back which gave him all of his throat to kiss and bite. Cas had quickly learned through his time with Dean he definitely enjoyed this and at times secretly wished his human would destroy his neck in the heat of the moment. It surprised him how easily he understood Dean's desire for marks left during these times and that he craved them as well. His hormone levels were rising rapidly, the light teasing of hand just wasn’t going to cut it. He placed his hand over Dean’s to press and rub even harder through the jeans against his erection.

_ Ah, greedy angel. I love this.  _ He began yanking at Cas’s windbreaker with his right hand. Suddenly it was off, and Cas was leaned back against the passenger door. Dean pulled up the front of Cas’s shirt with his left hand, leaving the angel pouting momentarily from the loss of sweet pressure. He was swiftly silenced with a kiss and Dean's right hand resuming the light teasing. Again Cas’s impatience took over as he gripped Dean's hand to show him how  _ not _ in the mood he was for games. He heard nearly silent laughter as Dean began kissing and sucking the skin of his chest. Cas’s abdominal muscles cinched and twisted when Dean wound down his tummy with his tongue leaving a wet trail. He wrenched the front of his jeans away from his skin and he kissed even further south. Cas rolled his hips forward in reaction and just as Dean was one kiss away from bliss they both stopped cold. Despite the music and the weather, both of them heard something..like someone or something had slumped against the car.  _ Oh no no no no no no, this is so uncomfortable! Not right now! No more fooling around on hunts! _

_ “ _ Don’t move a muscle Cas,” Dean very quietly whispered. Cas nodded in response.

The sound came from the passenger side and became louder. It changed to a raspy, grunting...kind of squishy breath. Dean got the distinct impression whatever made the sound had paused again above their heads by the window, the hairs raised on the back of his neck and a chill ran down his spine. He couldn’t explain it but somehow he  _ knew _ it was peering at them through the window. “Kiss me Dean,” Cas whispered.

_ Unbelievable..not now Cas. _

_ “ _ Yes now dammit, right now kiss my stomach..if it thinks we’re alerted it’ll take off,” Cas whispered as best he could through gritted teeth.

Dean did as he was told and kissed him. Of all the things he’d faced over the years, for some reason having this red devil mini hulk peering in and watching them gave him the shivers like nothing else ever had. Perhaps it was because of how Alden described the horrific death of his poor niece. Maybe because of the blinding rage that boiled in him as he watched Raylan Spade’s eight year old heart break when he thought he’d lost his mama. Or the reason could've been because every one of its victims had qualities that made them different, with the potential for good or bad and not one of them had gone darkside like he had….it was too much. The wrath in him, the fury he felt for the radiant lives these people would’ve had and now didn't ripped through him. Tonight it would end.

Cas felt the surge in emotion from Dean, this was not something he wanted to stop. But he took Dean's hand and placed it over his heart in a stilling gesture only  until it was safe to unleash him. The look on his human's face broke his heart but was necessary for something deep down in his soul. It briefly reminded him of the Hellhounds in the guardian legion, there was only two outcomes...let them kill or be killed. Since Dean knew the Yara was not to be killed he didn’t worry. Yet his own natural instinct to protect him despite the hunters lethal capabilities was rising.

The Yara’s rasping continued and was actually helpful as Cas could selectively filter out noise and have a better idea of its position. When he heard it go back around the trunk area he had Dean carefully sit up and draw his pistol.

“Turn the volume down, only slightly” Cas ordered.

He radioed their position quietly in Yugambeh and quickly turned its volume down as well so the response wouldn’t crackle loudly and give them away. The Yara had both hands on the trunk and was facing east out towards the open flats. It turned its head slightly as if another sound had caught it's attention. “Do not physically engage it Dean, you can wing it of you must, but let me take it.”

“What will you do? Your mojo is unpredictable, what if it harms you?”

“I don’t think this will be the case.”

Dean shot him a 'How the Hell do  _ you _ know for sure?’ look.

“I believe the magic on his bindings can be syphoned to a degree, my grace should hold him until the shamans can arrive. Have faith, please.”

Just then the Yara’s attention was pulled sharply to something back in the forest. It skulked back towards the road they’d followed through the trees. Dean and Cas needed only glance at each other and they both shot out of the car as quickly and quietly as they could, leaving the doors open. Fortunately the Yara was completely transfixed on whatever it was hearing or seeing. They hoped dearly it was the voice Dean had heard, given Nalo’s description Cas felt it was paramount in getting a chance to identify the driving force behind the Yara bindings and attacks. They followed it swiftly across the remainder of the flats back to the forest without it noticing. They were exceedingly cautious about giving it distance and as soon as they all were under the canopy they had to move much slower so as not to startle it.

Dean saw Cas suddenly go stiff like a statue. Then he heard it too, between the thunderclaps and remaining wind blowing itself out through the trees. If they did not already have the Yara in sight, the grapevine communication of the tree spirits would have been utterly confusing due to the wind. There it was, that voice Dean had heard near the mausoleum, or in it..he still was not convinced it hadn’t been in the structure with him. He just couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation yet. The course took on an abrupt change due west in the direction of Eagle Heights Road to the Joalah section. The Yara was listening intently and scurrying quickly towards the now very audible song. Dean had kept a close eye on Cas, he had absolute faith him, but not his mojo. He knew, just  _ knew  _ the fluctuations were unpredictable. Chuck help them if it flickered off in a crucial moment making him nearly human when the super strength Banner Beast was in close proximity. Cas froze like a tree for a moment, his face went bone white and Dean thought he’d pass out or throw up. He was listening to that creepy ass voice he’d heard, even now it gave him the chills. Cas’s face went from shock and confusion to something Dean couldn’t quite recognize.

The Yara suddenly whipped around, his eyes flared a brilliant red, he bounded towards Cas, reaching at him. They tumbled down a small ravine together and Dean went into full blown panic mode. Rain was pouring down even through the thick canopy everywhere like a waterfall. The microburst was anything but micro. He saw the tangled mess of two figures and leaves swirling everywhere. It growled furiously as Cas grabbed an arm, Dean saw his angels face covered in the stretched sucker fingers. The Yara was screaming and growling in his face, but turned it’s head at Dean's approach. Then suddenly it was thrown back against a fig tree by a blast wave from Cas as if he weighed no more than a baseball. Cas’s eyes “flamed on” as Dean called it, and his hand was extended as his grace held the beast as if he were pinned. The Yara pulled, he almost escaped and leaned toward Dean.

“No!” Cas rumbled inhumanly. 

The creature was jolted and slammed back as if on a line and fell to the base of the tree, one arm dangling from dislocation and nearly torn off. The look on Cas’s face was that of frightening defiance, even Dean had never seen such vengeance from his angel. The Yara was immobilized for now. Cas stood there with a terrifying silverish glow emanating from him, which gave Dean the impression Cas was conducting an assessment of him...verifying he was alright rather than maintaining sole focus on the creature. He’d never seen this side of Cas in all the times they fought together. As stressful as the situation was, Dean was surprised to find himself comforted by it...and a little turned on. The air changed infinitismally, then from behind all of them a familiar, gravelly voice broke through the elevated tension and monsoon like rainfall.

“Well, well. What have we got here? Hello boys.”

“Crowley! What the-”

“Now, now Squirrel….or should I say Wa'iam,” he looked directly at Dean with a disgustingly amused grin. “You can’t possibly think my mother requests favors and I don’t know about it? I am, above all else, the grand purveyor of accords, bargains, contracts….any of this sounding familiar?”

“What the Hell do you want? Leave this place alone or so help me I will-”

“Or you’ll what?!” Crowley barked, his eyes actually flaring red. “I live in Hell...my inferiors are disrespectful twats, you boys are always mucking things up, my mother hits more marks than than the world's best sniper creating the most unbelievable traffic jams in my processing department, Lucifer refuses to shut his bloody face and incites riots on bad days, spreads poor moral on good days, the only female who’ll listen to a word I say without egregious contempt is that bitch Ramsey. So tell me Dean, what in the name of Castiel’s jackass of a father will you do to me?!!!!!!”

Dean stood there absolutely stunned into silence. Crowley was clearly simmering with crisis of his own. He’d saved Cas, putting himself at fatal risk and Dean couldn't remember the last time he saw the King flash his PMS peepers in wrath. Maybe dialing down the reactionary attitude wouldn't be such a bad idea.

“Get to the point Crowley, we’re a little busy in case you haven’t noticed,” Cas snarled at him, full flame display still on.

“Bless me, the neon halo deigns to speak. You both are ungrateful curs you know that? Especially you Rainbow Brite, last time we parted ways I believe I saved your life, so the least you could do when I show up wearing a brand new Zegna three piece in this weather offering my assistance is show me a modicum of respect,  _ ARE. WE. CLEAR?!” _

“To do what do we owe the pleasure on such an evening?” Dean asked, trying his best to sound less irritated.

“It’s come to my attention you’ve got a rather nasty Yara problem. One you’re just now realizing might be a bit out of your scope of expertise. If I’m right, and this Yara is put down without asking it ‘what gives’, then you’ll have doomed the continent. I'm merely offering to provide the ultimate interrogative tool.”

“You can’t interrogate these creatures, they don’t even have a language. Thanks, but no thanks,” Dean sassed.

“It doesn’t have a language, yet it’s a magical creature which is likely being controlled by a higher power with even stronger magic. You think maybe, just maybe the King of Hell might have access to the kind magic which can make the impossible, possible? Mmm?”

“What’s in it for you? The King of Hell doesn’t just turn over a new leaf, huh? What’s the catch?” Dean demanded. Despite Crowley’s odd evolution from his demon-nearly-turned-human days, the apple didn't fall far from the tree and that family never looked out for anyone accept #1.

“We may be after the same thing here but until I know for sure, consider this a freebie.”

Dean looked at Cas who just rolled his eyes. It looked strange because he was still pushing full mojo.

“Yugambeh hunters should be here any minute so you’d better be quick.”

“Oh but you know I’m not,” Crowley smiled like a snake.

“C’mon!”

Crowley pulled out a slingshot from who knows where and then a strange looking stone. He handed them to Dean with the threat upon penalty of dismemberment should he break it or miss.

“This is David’s slingshot and stone. King David, to be precise. Hit the Yara with it right between the eyes.”

“How is that supposed to help us interrogate the thing? We need to talk to him, not knock his ass out cold!”

“That’s precisely what we need to do Dean, and also why you cannot miss. It’s a Hand of God, we’ve only one chance. When the Yara is rendered unconscious it’ll break the bond temporarily and I can use my grace to rifle through it's mind for memories which could give us clues to who is controlling it. You need to take him down the same way David defeated Goliath. Quickly!” Castiel urged.

_ Yeah no pressure. I haven't fooled around with one of these since I was about nine years old back at Bobbys. _

He grabbed the weapon and took a deep breath, there would be no practice shots, no do overs. Cas stepped to the side and juiced the Yara with more of his grace to hold him still for Dean. It struggled violently and snarled at them. The rain and wind tore through the trees, and then they slowed as if their spirits sensed something important was happening, was needed. Dean stepped back and pulled the sling towards himself. He lined it up as best he could and let it fly. He saw it spin in slow motion, angles and corners of it glinted with light from Castiel’s radiant glow. There was a brief flash of light and a wave of thunder clapped as it hit its mark. On contact the Yara dropped to the ground. The second it hit, Cas placed his hands on it's head, near its temples. Dean didn’t know how Cas could stand touching it. It was slimy and looked as if it hadn't bathed in years. His angel was able to get passed that, his eyes were still lit up beautifully and his face was blank as he concentrated on whatever he could extract from the Yara’s mind.

Cas could see images and visions of how the Yara hunted. He could see it’s home tree and recognized it by Witches Falls. It looked like it may have a few items up in the tree that were not natural.  _ Momentos? _

_ It remembers being brought from another location...northeast perhaps? It walked here...with someone. Dirty clothes, dingy grey, and peach? Tattered, torn, holes, a few clasps and tiny pearls, some are missing. A Sari! An Indian Sari. This is a woman. They are walking at night only. But from a long distance. She catches things and gives them to the Yara. It keeps them, it has a forced sense of devotion to her it doesn’t completely understand. She speaks to it, it doesn’t understand but finds a small amount of comfort in her voice. She speak several tongues. It doesn’t understand any of them. It’s allowed to roam during the day, to feed if necessary. Mostly it naps, comes when it's called. She’s providing for it like a child. This is Tamborine area finally. She walks in the forest, I can see her more clearly now. Her hair is so very very long. So many things in her hair, so dirty. But she is clearly very beautiful. Her eyes glow, a deep orange. She has gray in her hair but the rest of it's raven black...it’s stressed..something happened to her. Her face is worn, the gray isn’t natural for someone so young, something has happened.. vengeful, so vengeful. The henna on her skin, the patterns and symbols are so very very old! Tamil! Yes, it’s pre sanskrit oh my! She visits the Yara at night, sometimes very early in the morning. She sings to it, and tells it who to attack!!!! She lives in darkness, somewhere very dark. And wet, moldy smelling, this smell is awful. Like mud. There’s no sound here. It's so quiet, the Yara doesn’t like it, it likes the comfort of her company in a way but it hates this place. Where is it? _

Crowley became frustrated, and huffed. “ _ You _ shut your cakehole,” Dean fussed. He heard voices coming. Crowley rolled his eyes, “It’ll be less than helpful with them knowing about me. You’ve got my number-”

“What’s the country code for 911 again?” Dean snarked.

“Still with the poor taste in humor I see. My number hasn’t changed..you’d better use it. You wouldn’t believe the most damning times or places I manage to appear and with whom I barter for information,” he threatened as he bore holes in Dean, then turning to Cas, “Happy honeymooning,” he dripped more bitterly than sardonically, then disappeared.

_ He didn’t just say what I….there’s no way he could... he knew about my new name..oh crap I hope he doesn't know about me and Cas. But with what he just said, why would he say that unless.. Don’t give a damn what he thinks, I just don’t want him finding Sammy or Mom and saying something before I do. Or, someone else. Someone who would see Cas as my weakness. Ishim already saw me as Cas’s weakness and we both almost died. Ever since he saved me from Hell and decided to stick with us he’s had a target on his back. He always will because of who me and Sam are.  He needs someone better, and even if I manage to get myself better he’ll always be at risk. Crap, I feel like I’m gonna puke. _

Deedee, Bob, Julim, and Finlay arrived seconds after Crowley vaped out. They saw Cas holding the Yara and Dean quickly assured them it was not dead. Deedee radioed for Gilrad and Kirra, who had been on call at the Tamborine Visitors Center since it was the epicenter of most attacks and activity. They chalked it’s unconscious state up to Cas’s mojo without even an afterthought, which was a relief because he really didn't want to lie to these people he'd grown so fond of. Dean was content to let them question Cas about everything. He noticed Cas rubbing his chest absentmindedly and hoped he hadn't been injured, the sucker marks on his face had healed almost immediately. Gilrad, Kirra, and Grace arrived and began their rituals to summon the tree spirits. Other shamans were en route as they’d needed several to cast such a wide net to begin with, so they’d need as many to shut it down. Relief was tangible, at least in this matter.

After thirty minutes or so they left the group with instruction to report to Arri and Alden at the police station. Dean was quiet as they did their best to mop up the inside of the car. They had no trouble getting to the station despite the rain and found a warm room with more towels and coffee waiting for them upon arrival. Cas again did most of the talking and Alden agreed that the effort to comb the archives for lore should be doubled now that they had a very vague idea of what and whom to look for. He would meet with the elders very early in the morning, Cas could join them at his leisure and Alden encouraged them to get plenty of rest, he and Arri thanked them profusely for their invaluable help. Both of them ambled out of the station, Dean was exhausted and frustrated with himself. He just didn’t know what to do, the idea of them not being together made him physically ill, but imagining him always in harm's way because of him really hurt.

Neither of them spoke on the way back to the cottage, Cas knew something was wrong. He could feel it of course, his chest was aching badly, but he did his best not to show it. Giving Dean time to settle with whatever he was warring about was all he could do until they got back and he could bring it up. He had a suspicion it was something Crowley said because his chest didn’t start hurting until after he’d disappeared.  _ I don’t think Dean is ashamed of our relationship...I don’t feel that from him but I keep misunderstanding so I don’t know. Maybe this is harder for him than I thought. He feels upset, guilty about something. But I don’t have any idea what! Crowley did threaten to show up unannounced, and he knew the nickname the people gave him. He’s spying on us but how? Is Dean afraid he’ll show up at the cottage? Maybe if Dean is struggling with this he shouldn’t feel obligated to tell Sam, or anyone else. I know this can be a sensitive subject for humans still, even though it shouldn’t be. I guess we could try to be quiet about it...for as long as he needs to, even though it makes me sad. But why is he feeling guilty? _

As they trudged into the cottage soaking wet and tired Dean just felt worse. He really was trying to think of a solution, trying to look at what he could change in his life to make the situation better for Cas. Even if he gave up hunting for an average Joe life, that would leave Sam on his own in that life. He knew Sam never wanted it, but he'd been sucked back in so many times that at this point his conscience wouldn’t let him stop if he tried. So he just couldn’t leave Sam like that. He tried to think on what he could make better about himself that would somehow change how Heaven viewed him and Cas but so far nothing was coming to mind and it made him feel  incredibly sorrowful. He kicked off his shoes as Cas had done and kept wallowing.

Suddenly Cas pinned him against the wall, the same wall as a few days earlier but this was no playful romp. Cas was beginning to identify when Dean needed time to process versus when he needed to be snapped out of a recognizable downward spiral, and he would have none of it.

“STOP. NOW. Dean, you would not be the soul I have loved if you were different. I don’t what this 'better’ business is about, if you are referring to yourself then you are already better by giving the Dadirri a chance. Don’t doubt yourself, ever. You’re mine, imperfections and all...I want you to feel better about yourself, to be proud of your accomplishments, and also...someday...of us.” He dropped his hands and started fumbling with them nervously.

“Someday? What you mean someday? I’m proud of us now,” Dean declared, but started to panic in confusion.

“If you’d rather not tell anyone back home right away..I’ll understand. I  _ do understand.  _ People here know, the bond is obvious, we couldn’t hide it if we tried and they don’t mind. But back home, it’s new for you and I can wait, be discreet...until you’re comfortable with people knowing.”

“When did I ever give you the impression I was afraid of telling anyone? I’m a private person, but keeping part of us behind closed doors and keeping us in the closet are two different things entirely. Sam has obviously suspected something but hasn’t treated me any differently. If somebody doesn’t like it then the door can hit’em in the ass on their way out, but it is  _ my _ life. I’m not gonna go out hunting monsters wearing rainbow suspenders or hang a bi flag off the bunker garage, but you and me aren’t hiding this, I’d never want to. Don't tell me you think I’m capable of being that disrespectful to you!”

“I can feel you’re upset about something, about us. You’re having negative thoughts about yourself and you weren’t feeling upset until after Crowley left. It’s the only thing I could think of that bothered you. It seemed plausible you were concerned he’d find out or already knows about us. Am I wrong?”

“First of all, Crowley is upsetting. That’s it. There’s no need to even finish the sentence. Second-yes I am concerned because he _does_ know. Not might, _does._ Did you not hear what he said? I don’t give a crap about his judgement either way, what _bothers_ me is what he’ll do. Sam is the last person who will have a problem with us being together, but he deserves to hear it from me in person. Same with my mom. What worries me is who he’d spout off to in trade for something. Ever since you dragged me from Hell you have disobeyed, torn up the rule book, betrayed your family and I get it. I’d have done the same thing if I were in your shoes, but knowing me has made you public enemy number 1 and that won’t ever change. If it was bad before when we were just friends-....you saw what Ishim was capable of. I will always be on somebody’s kill list, you deserve so much better than my crap life.”

“I understand your concern, but honestly you and I have died and come back a few times, I don’t want to not do something or not be with someone because there's risk involved. Living for so long, being at my happiest these last ten years even with my mistakes, made me realize I don’t want to die for good regretting not following my heart, so to speak. So if you’re on somebody’s kill list I’m likely already there next to you,” he reassured Dean.

“Or under you,” he leaned in and kissed Dean's neck. He felt Dean relax against the wall.

“Or in front of you,” he whispered and placed a soft kiss on his human's lips.

Then he delicately reached his arms behind Dean's waist and peeled his drenched, chilled shirt off and did the same with his own. He held this human who at times was so emotionally delicate, it was a frightening reminder of just how close his soul had been to complete disintegration. Cas’s skin remained warm as he wrapped himself around Dean. He kissed him softly along his collarbone as nimble fingers unzipped and divested him of his soaked jeans. Cas could feel and see Dean shivering so he took off his own pants and snuggled them in bed, spooning him close and kissing his neck and hair. Hours had passed since they had gotten riled up in the car, his desire for Dean was no less. Yet the need to administer calm reassurance to his lover would always far outweigh his own physical desire.

He recited to him the Epic of Gilgamesh in the ancient Sumerian tongue quietly, emphasizing the beautiful relationship between the demigod king and his soul mate Enkidu. Both men had been beasts in their own right, committed arrogant and selfish deeds. Yet upon meeting one another and surviving the fight that ensued, they went on to bring out the best of their humanity in one another. They quested for immortality, searched, and fought together through many perils. When Enkidu died in his arms, the hero demigod finally learned to see his own humanity and mortality was what made him strong and worthy. He let go of the notion that his celestial heritage made him great and forgave himself his past. Enkidu had taught him to love himself and understand he deserved love in return. So by this knowledge, he loved and cared for his people, making him one of the greatest, wisest, and selfless rulers of antiquity. Dean listened intently, he didn’t understand the language of course but found it soothing all the way through to his soul. He loved to hear Cas speak in other languages, it fascinated him. Somehow his soul though understood the intention, or vibe of the words. It didn’t matter if Cas was speaking in english, or any other language...his soul responded as if a guitar string had been strummed. His angels voice had always reached through to his soul, he didn’t realize it right away but it was there, like the pulling sensation he’d felt so often and now that electrifying tingle when they touched. It was as if their grace and soul recognized the sound of each other and it brought both excitement and peace all at once. Whatever Cas was telling him, Dean could literally  _ feel  _ that it was close to his angels heart. It calmed his nerves, and when the story had finished, he rolled over to kiss him in thanks and fell asleep nose to nose with his favorite creature in the whole world who would always have his heart.

~*~*~

Dean awoke the next morning feeling refreshed. He could hear the rain pouring down outside, there wasn’t any wind though, so he was optimistic the system was wearing out and would be gone soon. He looked over at Cas, the angel was lightly snoring but looked dead asleep. It worried Dean, something felt off. Maybe he used too much mojo the night before, he was fairly depleted after healing Ishim, holding Hellboy still last night couldn’t have been easy. Then reading it's mind afterwards, he seemed to do alright. Cas wasn’t good about discussing state of condition unless he was asked point blank, or if something was very wrong then he’d divulge why there was a task he couldn’t complete. But he always gave his all, even when all of him wasn’t always there to give. He wanted to check for signs of life so he kissed him and rubbed his back. Cas was warm as always, but very very still. He was breathing normally of course, but apparently the kiss wasn’t enough to break sleeping beauty’s spell.

He pulled Cas’s leg over his left hip, rubbed his back some more, and kissed his neck while humming “You are my Sunshine”, and still no response besides a deeper sounding snore.  _ Good lord he must be wiped out. I know last night was necessary but we’re gonna need to have a chat about our definition of absolutely necessary. As much as I enjoyed that orgasm to the 4th power a few days ago I did not want that at Cas’s expense.  _ Regular sex with Cas was amazing already and he could bring out Casanova all he wanted, just minus the torture thief business. He squeezed him and kissed him, then got up to start more laundry with their wet clothes. He decided if his angel was too tired to venture out for breakfast, then breakfast would come to him. Throwing something quick on, he wrote a note to Cas and headed out as silently as he could.

He ran down first to Curtis's Cafe to snap up whatever goodies were recipes _a la_ _Shasta_ , then made a very quick run to market. Next door he saw a used bookstore, it had been a while since he read a page turner so he dropped in to see what they had. He roamed the narrow bookshelves and enjoyed the way the carpeted, uneven hardwood floor creaked under his feet. It was the kind of spot that was old, had character. He noticed toward an end aisle a book was out of place, so he reached to snap it up and find it's home when something about the cover drew his attention. It had an ancient wall, light beige and cracked, and a bearded man holding two lions as if they were no bigger than small bobcats, which decorated the front. He’d seen the picture before, probably in one of Bobby's books or in the bunker. The Epic of Gilgamesh. He’d heard Sam drone on once upon a time about the guy being the world's first superhero or something. He had this weird twitch to check it out, so he grabbed another book, one he’d seen the movie version of loads of times but always wondered how the book measured up. He’d read a few others by Chuck Palahniuk and liked them, so with the ancient superhero story and Fight Club in a bag he ran back to the car to avoid getting soaked and zipped back to Cas.

He opened the door to the cottage expecting his angel to be in the shower or dressed and waiting for him, instead he found Cas still as a corpse in bed, snoring. Dean furrowed his brows in worry but decided to give him until ten am, they hadn’t gotten in until just after two am so maybe he was just really tired. Dean put some groceries away, snarfed down one of Shasta’s pastries, and got some coffee brewing. Wanting to remain in keeping with Cas’s prefered dress code, he stripped down to his green boxer briefs, put a pastry on a plate, tucked one of his new books under his arm, and brought a cup of coffee. He climbed in bed next to Cas carefully and began reading for a few minutes. Just before ten Cas rolled over on top of Dean, he rested his head on his human's chest and took a few moments to wake up. Dean couldn’t be happier with a conscious bed mate and a cuddly one at that. He kept reading and ran his fingers through his angels hair, til said angel was practically purring. A head full of hair going every which way and a set of stunning blue eyes stared at him from under his book. “Morning Sunshine,” Deans smiled, more pleased than ever.

“Morning Star,” Cas said without even thinking.

“What’s that?” Dean asked in genuine curiosity.

“Oh I must still be dreaming, nothing.”

“If this is a dream then don’t ever wake me,” Dean moved his book. Cas saw the front and his eyes grew large with question.

“Have you read it? Or were you there when they made the first cylinder seal?” he laughed.

“I know the story well Dean, it’s one of my favorites.”

“Yeah Sam went on about it once, sounded kinda cool, it had wandered from it's spot on the shelf at the bookstore by the market this morning and something said 'read me’ so I splurged.”

“Hmm, let me know what you think of it when you finish,” he said pensively with that one eyebrow raised.

“I can pause, breakfast in bed sleeping beauty?”

They both chuckled and Dean handed him food and drink, watching him consume every morsel and sip in satisfaction. Once the meal was done Cas sunk back in bed, pulled the sheets all the way over their heads, and peeled Deans underwear right off of him. Then he tugged the hunter directly on top of him so Dean's forehead was nestled in his neck and the rest of him was all warm, soft skin against skin. Both of them could have gone a round or two if prompted, but seemed to crave the feeling of each other wrapped up, their hearts pulsing in sync. Dean realized that despite their friendship and camaraderie over the past decade, they’d had such precious little time to just be normal happy people enjoying the mutual companionship over coffee, a board game, even a movie. They always seemed to be rushing and worrying over an end of the world scenario, the quiet moments of this morning where just so  _ normal _ , it literally felt like they’d taken a deep breath from the monstrosities of the world and could take a little time to just  _ be.  _ Deep down, Dean envied regular couples sometimes with a steady 9-5 during the week and who could wake up like this to lazy weekend mornings. He wondered if he could ever have that with Cas, then quickly put it out of his mind not wanting to ever dare hope for such a mundane routine. He was thrilled to have this morning and any others like it that saw fit to visit them.  

After a while of listening to the pattern of the rain, Cas knew he needed to start his day, so with a sigh he asked, “Shower with me?”

“As you wish,” Dean answered in sincerity and enthusiasm.

Cas rolled him off and got the water warmed while Dean made the bed and put the dishes in the sink. The angel was already covered in suds when he walked into the shower, he took a few minutes to adjust to the temperature and then found two hands covered in bubbles rubbing his shoulders and arms. He let his head rest on Cas’s shoulder while his angel washed him, even this little trivial thing felt strangely indulgent. When the soap was rinsed off he decided he needed some kisses so they spent the next several minutes doing just that. He realized the feeling of a scratchy face lightly brushing against his own wasn’t so odd anymore, he’d come to love the feeling of Cas and his perpetual five o'clock shadow. In the middle of the moment though a thought barged in as he remembered something from the night before.

“So did you recognize the language last night?”

“I was speaking to you in Sumerian, I’m fluent even though it's not been spoken in it's earliest form for nearly 7,000 years.”

“Oh. Oh wow, that’s cool. But I was talking about the song, I heard it too when the Yara did and it looked like you heard it, otherwise I can’t explain that look of shock on your face.”

“That really startled me to be honest, it is indeed a pre-sanskrit tongue, unbelievably old. Tamil is it’s name, originated in India and it belongs to a Dravidian language family that began in Africa roughly 65,000 years ago and made its way to Sri Lanka and then over to India.”

“Holy crap, I thought we didn't really have developed language until maybe 10,000-15,000 years ago! That’s crazy!”

“No, what’s crazy is that the song wasn’t only in Tamil. It also contained Enochian as well. It was a..lullaby of sorts. I’ve never heard it before, it was incredibly beautiful. I’ll have to write it out at some point today, maybe there’s something of relevance in the words.”

“Uh..wait..so what does that mean? Is this a fallen angel doing this?”

“It means we don’t know. Any number of things could have happened. Maybe this is an ancient spirit, although from what I saw she looked corporeal enough. Perhaps she knew an angel, we won’t know anything more until we comb through everything in archives for clues. Which is why I should be over there helping. Sorry I slept so long.”

“You ok Cas? I’m really worried about you. You’re super juiced one minute and then laid out the next. No more sex mojo til we figure this out alright?”

Cas begrudgingly nodded his head, “Regular sex is ok though still?” he asked looking very concerned.

Dean laughed exceptionally hard, “Am I wrong to love how much that thought just panicked you?”

Cas smiled, “I’ll survive, it would just be painful without it.”

“Good for you, I wouldn’t. I’m an addict, you’ve got me hook, line, and sinker. Go be Sammy and do research for the day, I’ll be waiting here for whatever kind of mischief you wanna get into,” he said and then kissed him one last time before they both hopped out.

He threw Cas some jeans with an orange and green button up shirt. It made him cringe, but Cas was thrilled with it and that's all that mattered. At least if he wore the green pullover Dean was grabbing for him it would cover most of the blinding patterns. Cas emerged from the bathroom with teeth brushed, face shaved, and just over all gorgeous. Dean didn’t want to let him out of his sight. But there was nothing for it.

A few minutes later they were ready to head out and Dean just couldn’t help himself, “I hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you go.”

Cas turned and gave him a look that screamed, “Don’t you throw that cheese at me.” Dean giggled and said, “Sorry I had to.”

He pulled him in for a hug, and kissed him once more before sighing and dragging them out the door into the rain. He dropped Cas off with Alden and headed back to the cottages for a day of whatever-the-hell he darn well felt like.

After checking in with Jobeka, he discovered Alison was feeling better and they’d be coming home later the following day. Callums surgery went well and he’d be moved to a transitional care facility closer to home for a few weeks while receiving physical therapy. He decided to get Dadirri out of the way so he sat on the bed and quieted himself. He let the sound of the rain invade, he didn’t focus on it but carefully let it in. The window he’d opened near the bed let in cool air but not unpleasantly cold. The smell from the damp cottage grounds came in, it was a woodsy, earthy smell with a hint of hibiscus. He did his best to let the sounds, smells, and temperature wrap around him, to be present within his stillness and not occupy his thoughts. It was a very serene experience and he suspended himself in it for quite some time. Occasionally he would get flickers of emotional disturbances, but initially they came and went swiftly. The woodsy smell in the air began to take on a smoky scent. It was fine at first, but then it began to intertwine with the emotional sensations.

Dean would try to put them in a balloon and send them away, but more would pop up. After a while he realized his heart rate had increased and the emotional current was coming on more quickly with flashes of memory. His heart rate really picked up as he found there was no stopping the flashbacks. The screaming, the smoke, the sound of bone crunching and flesh ripping overwhelmed him. He remembered Grace said to clear it and focus on a color, one that was calming.  _ Blue, every shade of blue. Cas’s blue.  _ He thought of the sky, he thought of Cas’s first tie he always wore backwards, he focused on the specific shade of Cas’s eyes when looking back at him with pure love. He felt the simmering tension lessen and when he opened his eyes he saw everything as if through a faded blue lens. His heart rate was still elevated and a fresh emotional onslaught hit him unexpectedly. Guilt. Unbelievably crushing guilt for being so weak he’d tortured others just to not feel the pain himself any longer. He grabbed his phone, blinking for a few seconds realizing he’d been still for over two hours. His hands were shaking as he texted Grace. He got an immediate response:

 

**In Brisbane for two days but have windows open. Can I skype you in 30 minutes?**

 

He responded affirmatively and laid back on the bed, struggling with what happened. He couldn’t pinpoint where it went south, one minute he’d been practicing correctly and the next all the crap started. His phone chirped with another text but this time from Cas:

 

**Dean?**

 

_ Christ how does he know so much? It’s one thing if he’s with me and can read thoughts or facial expressions, body language, etc. But how does he KNOW when he’s nowhere near? _

 

**Was doing Dadirri, stuff came up. Talking with Grace in a few minutes. I’ll be ok, promise.**

 

He lay back on the bed and tried to clear his thoughts without much luck. So he busied himself with straightening up the cottage, doing dishes, then he sat his butt down and listened to some of the softer musical pieces of Apocalyptica. Finally Grace called in on Skype, he paused the music and answered.

“Jingeri Dean, tell me what’s going on, how are you feeling?”

“I’m hanging in there..uh..had some stuff happen when I was doing Dadirri and had a hard time shutting it off. I did what you said, putting in a balloon bubble thingy and it just kept hitting me. So I tried the color thing and that seemed to work. I was doing everything you said correctly, the Dadirri was going really well and suddenly it just went all wrong.”

“How long were you practicing?”

“I forgot to set my phone alarm and I guess it was a bit over two hours. I didn’t even feel it honestly. It was really relaxing, felt like I was in some kind of zone.”

“Well unfortunately if you let it go for too long in the beginning in can get away from you. How long have you been practicing for the other times?”

“Twenty minutes with my phone alarm.”

“I’ll have you go back to that for a little while until we sort through this event. What was your trigger, do you know?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s different for everyone, some people even have a few triggers. It’s something in your senses, a sight, smell, sound, taste that reaches out to your subconscious and triggers difficult memories.”

He tried to think on what he was experiencing when that first flicker of emotion had invaded. Sound-Rain. Temp-cool. Smell-woo-that had to be it.

“I had put the window up so more nature sounds could get in and I smelled the wood from the trees on the grounds here. It was fine at first but it started getting a smoky smell, I don’t know if somebody close by was cooking on a wood stove or something was really burning, or if it was all in my head.”

“Ok, so a wood burning smell, fire. Let’s assume for now it was real. Because either way it was real enough that it brought you back to a bad place. I have a very brief description of your history so if there are areas you would like to go over I’m happy to help or if you’d rather not then we can focus for now solely on the emotional distress from that time and troubleshoot.”

“I guess both? I don’t want to take up too much of your time though.”

“Not a problem, I have a few hours before my next engagement. This is what I live for! It’s hard for you to confront any of this and you've begun, these issues are expected and as long as you are willing to work through them with proper guidance I promise you’ll feel better!”

“Ok then..um..then shortly after we arrived here I’ve started having an unusual connection with Cas. When he sleeps..which also worries me, I touch him to comfort him because he has these nightmares and as soon as I make contact with his skin it’s like some mystic whammy and I’m with him in his dreams. I’m in his head, I see what he sees and feel what he feels. So far it's only memories but it's brought up a lot of stuff for me. Is that normal? From the Dadirri?”

“Definitely  _ not _ from the Dadirri. This is interesting and I feel it's strongly to do with the bond you and Castiel share. I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing, but more or less like reading someone's diary. Reading someones most inner thoughts and experiences can be wonderful but also brutally honest. Would you have been happier not reading that diary?”

“I didn’t do it on purpose. I’m not in that habit. But If he’s upset about something and starts flailing then I have to do something cuz a sleep fighting angel is a lot like the Incredible Hulk.”

“Of course, we don’t want anyone to harm themselves. I’d recommend waiting to see if it passes on it's own before engaging him. But did you experience anything that brought up stressful events or feelings?”

“I got a first person playback of how hard he and his garrison fought and died to save me. I saw myself, my soul and how damaged it was, is. So yeah...it’s been tough.”

“That’s bound to stir up a lot of suppressed dust. Today's event would have happened at some point given your past but the dream you witnessed likely sped up the process. What’s the strongest emotion from it that you’re struggling with right now?”

Dean closed his eyes as he called forth the emotions, he tried to control his breathing as it once again simmered to the surface.

“Take your time Dean, don’t worry.”

“This...it’s so hard for me to talk about, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, take your time. You called me when you were struggling which means you  _ want  _ to work through this so please take all the time you need.”

Dean took a few moments and a shaky deep breath, “It’s the guilt..and shame.”

“Can you assign each emotion to a particular event or string of events?”

“The guilt is for the souls I tortured. The shame is because of the relief I felt when they took me down, handed me that knife, and pointed me to the next rack over.”

“Why is there shame in relief from horrific, never ending pain?”

“Because I knew the price of that relief. When I saw myself in Hell through Cas’s eyes, I was so far gone. There was practically nothing left of me. I understand now, when I had done the torturing I was becoming a demon. So the pleasure I felt wasn’t really my own. It sickens me to think about it but I understand now having seen what I looked like, it wasn’t me. But that was after years of torturing others. When Alistair pulled me down I had a relief so strong it was like a drug high. But I was me then, and the relief was me, knowing that it was at the expense of cutting into others. There’s no forgiving that,” he cried, a single tear fell down his face.

“The relief you felt was involuntary Dean. It was a natural, uncontrollable response to the absence of pain. You couldn’t stop that emotion anymore than you could stop a freight train by stepping in front of it. I understand your guilt, this is also a response in this particular case that will never leave. I’m sorry to say it but with a trauma this severe and what little I know of your character, you will never let this go. That being said, I can help you learn how to release some of it and how to perhaps balance the rest in a way you’re comfortable with. Is this a solution you’re willing to consider?”

“It sounds...realistic. Yeah.”

“Good. Now let’s examine how this awful experience you had may have helped in some ways. Don’t misunderstand! I’m not talking about the obvious impact of the lingering effects of your trauma. I’m talking about identifying periods in your life where a choice was in front of you and maybe without this experience you would have chosen differently but didn’t. Can you think of anything, given the incredible things you’ve witnessed and gone through that would’ve ended much worse had you not experienced Hell?”

He fought to come up with big choices he had made and if Hell had weighed his decisions.

“Saying no to the Archangel Michael, I’m his true vessel. Not only did I not want to fight my brother in his kamikaze move to allow Lucifer in, I didn’t want to go back to Hell if I lost, and more than anything else...the lack of control I’d have is what scared me the most. Like when I was turning from what I was doing in Hell. That lack of control scared me so much. I didn’t want that. So I guess that might’ve turned out differently if I hadn’t had such a strong experience there to remind me.”

“Ok, that’s definitely a plus. Any other times?”

“Uh..well when I took on the Mark of Cain. I didn’t want to, I just didn’t see any other way. I did awful things then too, but maybe...maybe it kept me from turning more quickly? I don’t know…and then when I was in purgatory, I met a vampire named Benny. He was such a good guy, really. I never looked at vampires the same way after that. Not everything was black and white. So when this British Men of Letters guy, Ketch, caught one he was being so vicious to her. I was able to get what we needed from her with a different approach. We still had to kill her, but I’ve become far more humane than the asshole who would’ve done who knows what to her.”

“I ask you to find these events, these choices, not in an effort to 'turn a frown upside down’, but so you can now hold them like a flashlight when things get dark. They’ll be a light to guide you because you’ll know they were positive choices you made despite your trauma from Hell. Some good came from this horrific time in your life. It’s very important you remember this Dean. You have suffered more than any soul I’ve ever encountered, but there is so much love and hope and good in you. You are not beyond redemption. You deserve happiness so very much. Let Castiel guide you to this.”

Dean nodded and was quiet for a few moments. Grace allowed him to gather his thoughts and then asked “What’s on your schedule for today, is Castiel with you?”

“No he’s with Alden today looking through lore about the woman he saw in the Yara’s mind. He said the song he heard was a lullaby and not only was it in Tamil..a language that predates Sanskrit, but he said he recognized Enochian in it as well. So they are combing through everything they can today to find something, anything that may be of help in shedding light on who she could be.”

“And you? What are your plans today?”

“Given the weather and my lack of translation skills I was gonna hang back here and read, just chill.”

“That’s  _ exactly  _ what I’d like you to do. Relax, don’t practice anymore Dadirri today. Only twenty minutes tomorrow. What will you be doing then?”

“Not really sure yet, depends on what they find in the lore but later in the day I might help Jobeka and her family get settled back in.”

“Ok, why don’t you text me your availability for tomorrow when you know it. I’d like to call and check in with you.”

“Sure. Uh, thank you Grace. I really do appreciate your help.”

“It’s what I’m here for. Go get lost in your book and I’ll chat with you tomorrow!”

They hung up and Dean laid back and just sat for a while. He did feel better after speaking with Grace.  _ Ugh, but I forgot to call Crowley dammit. May as well get that over with. _

He dialed the number and his stomach twisted into a ball, this would not be a pleasant conversation.

Crowley’s gravely charm crackled from the other end as it picked up. “Oh  _ now _ he sees fit to call me, after a morning of what I assume must have been incredibly important market runs and trendy used bookstore perusals. What, out of crumpets and your copy of The Notebook? Hark! Dean what news?” he sneered.

Dean took a deep breath, pinched the bridge of his nose with his finger and thumb, and did his best to keep himself in check. When it came to Crowley and Rowena, it seemed he was usually at their mercy for something vital and couldn’t afford to offend their sensibilities, feigned or otherwise. It infuriated him to no end.

“Cas got in it's mind, saw a woman in traditional ancient indian clothing. She cared for the Yara, they traveled a great distance here on foot, mostly at night. The Yara was bound to her by magic, it didn’t like wherever she’s set up camp. Cas said it was dark, wet, smelled gross. He said she had very long black hair that seemed to have prematurely greyed by the look of it, she seemed too young anyhow. And that she also sang, some sort of lullaby in Tamil and Enochian. Right now he’s digging in tribal archives for more clues. Does this fulfill your informational requirement?”

“For now, yes.”

“Why are you so interested? What kind of crap are you trying to pull, huh?”

“The kind you pull yourself out of, you ungrateful moron. Just once maybe you could see the favors I’ve done for you lot, some even  _ sans avantage moi même.  _ I’m not the devil himself you know. Admittedly in this case it’s somewhat self serving, but order must be restored after all. Let me know what your  _ celestial Duricel bunny dreamboat _ comes up with will you? Kisses” and with that he hung up.

He growled furiously as he heard the line go dead.  _ He had to get that last damn twist of the knife in there didn't he? God I wish I could use that smug face for target practice. _ Yet he was right, Crowley truly was a pain in the ass of epic proportions, but he had done Sam and him a few solids over the years when he really didn’t have to. And he saved Cas, for that he’d be forever grateful. He  _ could _ start showing a sliver of gratitude, it was just hard because he was  _ Crowley.  _ Whatever, he'd sort it out later. The conversation had him twitching, so he did the unthinkable for Dean Winchester, he put on his windbreaker, hiking shoes, and took his butt for a walk.

He figured the Witches Chase loop was long enough to get it out of his system but not so long he’d be worn out for Cas, he had plans for them later. So he pulled up the hoodie and strolled out of the cottage with the mind to clear his head for a while, maybe poke around the mausoleum one more time to check on any recent activity. The park grounds where like a ghost town, between the earthquake and the storm the forest looked pretty disturbed. The falls had debris strewn about, he saw two park service rangers surveying the area but didn’t want to be told to leave so he stayed out of view and headed down the darker path towards the cemetery. The leaves were wet and mushy, it was an unpleasant smell. He went through the pillared warning zone and down the Scooby Doo path and found the cemetery in ruins, nothing had changed since he’d fled when the quaking had started. He struggled to get through as the cemetery looked like a graveyard for tombstones. So many jagged pieces of rock were poking up, there was barely a flat piece among them to safely step on but he slowly made it to the mausoleum entrance. He peeked in, it was a mess inside. Until the structural integrity could be vouched for he wasn’t willing to risk going inside. He could see something new had been painted on the back wall, not so much over the mandala but around its edges. He took a few pics with his phone, reaching in as far as he safely could so that when the lab zoomed in they wouldn't have as much pixelation to contend with. Then he realized he could try to send it to Cas, since the lettering seemed large enough maybe Cas could decipher it much quicker than the lab. He texted it to him and then went on his way down the rest of the loop.

He made it back about an hour and a half after he left. He’d gathered more evidence and felt much better after the walk. When he got back to the cottage he found the door cracked open a bit, his nerves got the best of him and he reached behind him to the band of his sweatpants for his pistol. Then he heard someone curse as they dropped an object that sounded metallic, Dean carefully popped his head in to be greeted by a maintenance employee who was having a bitch of a time getting the new flat screen up. He introduced himself and asked if he could help. They guy was hesitant, clearly letting a guest work on their own room was frowned upon.

Dean was friendly and insisted, “I do all the wiring on my car back home and that really is an awkward angle for a tv. I don’t have anything going on today, don’t make me sit on the couch and watch you struggle….that’s gonna be awkward for both of us. I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

The man conceded with relief and seemed thankful for the help. It took them about forty five minutes and then it was finished. Everything checked out and Dean was looking forward to zoning out a little with Cas later. He thanked the man and then realized he needed another shower. It felt so strange now to take one without him, he missed his angels company. When he was done he put on a pair of boxer briefs and sprawled out on the bed and resumed reading. It truly was an interesting story, he found the fight between Gilgamesh and Enkidu amusing, it reminded him of how he and Bobby had shot Cas up and he had stabbed him the first night they met.

Some of the best friendships started with the strangest beginnings.

 


	16. Chapter 16

At 5 o’clock he got up to begin meal prep for dinner, he read for a while longer and then around six he received a text from both Cas and Alden.

 

Cas:

**On my way back, translated the picture along with rest of the song.**

 

Alden:

**Coming back with Cas, he is fatigued. I’d advise rest if possible.**

 

_ Oh no, I thought he'd slept off whatever mojo power up had drained him. Seriously what is going on? Good thing I had a calm night planned. Time to put that huge hot tub to use.  _

He went out to the covered patio, there was only a fine mist outside, with the weather system well on its way out of the area, the temperature had risen somewhat so it would be a very comfortable night to sit out and soak. He ran the water, turned on some music, lit a few candles, and began cooking dinner. A little while later Cas came ambling through the door, green pullover in hand with some papers. He looked tired certainly, but not as bad as what Dean had imagined.

He tried to play it off for Dean and perk himself up with a smile.  _ It is a fantasy come true after all for many humans to return home and find their love in a state of undress preparing a meal. Despite my fatigue I’m appreciative Dean, very appreciative indeed.  _ Of course his beloved human couldn’t be fooled and so strolled over and wrapped him up tight in his arms.

“Are you alright?” Cas asked, full of concern.

“Yeah, rough patch, but Grace was a big help. She’s gonna call and check on me tomorrow.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Mm, maybe later...I have a treat for you tonight,” he said with smile,”but first you’re gonna to need to get naked.”

Cas’s eyes lit up, “You mean there’s another treat besides getting naked with you?”

Dean thought his heart would just melt into a puddle right there. _ This guy is so perfect. _ He got the biggest heart eyes, his cheeks went bright pink, “Yer killing me Cas, you’re too awesome for this world buddy. And yes there’s another treat. So strip. I’d offer to help but I need to set dinner on low first.”

Cas went upstairs, shimmied out of everything, and hurried back down to Dean. He was pulled onto the enclosed patio and saw the massive bathtub had been filled up to the brim with bubbles. Cold beer and bottled water were on a nearby table, and Dean had hooked up his iPod again so the speakers softly played Tesla’s “Love Song.” He got into the tub which felt so wonderful, as Dean took off his underwear. He motioned for Cas to scoot forward, the angel looked a little curious but did as he was told. Dean slid in and let his angel lay back against his chest as they both were pleasantly submerged. He ran his fingers through Cas’s hair getting it wet, he grabbed the shampoo and thought his angel had died from the sound he made having his hair washed with some tropical fruity scented stuff and the bubbles all around him. Dean couldn’t resist shaping his hair into a mohawk, and then left it like that. He put his arms around Cas and pulled him even closer to whisper in his ear with humor dripping in his tone, “So how was your day dear?” Cas’s shoulders shook a little as he giggled.

“It was fine, long, we went through many documents and found a few possible leads on who the mystery witch woman could be. I translated the song, at least the part I heard. It’s quite lovely, the mix of Tamil and Enochian is haunting as well as the tune. I’m not sure who it was meant for though. It could be for a child perhaps, or a romantic love. Did you ever notify Crowley?”

“How did you trickle down so quickly  from child, to romance, to Crowley? Ugh. Yep it was short and sweet. Thankfully.”

“I know we needed to update him and you were concerned about him showing up. Also I texted Connor Spade, he was able to send me pictures of her lab results...I explained we are working with the local municipalities through a private agency to investigate recent disappearances and we may have a lead but it required checking for certain toxins. So he gladly sent me this morning's draw results.”

“And what did they show?”

“As suspected her myokine proteins are indeed high. Not nearly as high as Jesse Turner's but enough to say she is from nephilim ancestry.”

“So how did that happen?”

Cas turned and gave him a look like, “Do I really need to explain the mechanics again?”

“Of course I know _ how _ it happened, but why was it not dealt with however many years ago? I thought this was a huge deal, it creates a massive power surge or something, I mean where were you guys when it happened?” Dean asked curiously.

“Given the amount of myokine proteins in her blood I’d say her great great grandparent would be a likely candidate. I wasn’t in the area,” he sounded like he was somewhere far away.

“So is she safe at the hospital?”

“Yes, she should be fine. The hospital is far enough away out of the proverbial blast radius.”

“Ok did you tell Alden?”

“Yes of course.” Cas had turned completely and was now comfortably situated on Dean's lap, snuggled in close with the warm water between them. He ran his hands through Dean’s hair this time and softly said, ”I worry about you.” His eyes were close to glowing in the dark save for the light from two candles. Dean nearly lost himself in them, he loved how much peace they brought.

“I worry about  _ you.” _

_ “ _ I’m strong, I’ll keep you safe.”

“It’s not my safety I worry about most days...and nights.”

“Why should a human worry so about an angel Dean?”

“Because at the very least..'I have been, and always shall be, your friend’ as a great man once said” Dean replied, a hint of sadness in his voice.

“I don’t plan on meeting that same end, however noble.”

“I really don’t think I could survive it if you did,” Dean said in a whisper. He pulled Cas down to his lips in a crushing kiss. The spark ignited to life between them, the water seemed to have intensified it as the current ran along their arms and legs. Dean sunk down a bit more in the tub for Cas to get a better angle but the angel had other ideas. He sat back in the tub and pulled Dean onto his lap, kissing him slower and deeper. He held Dean's hips and drew him in even closer. Cas reached between them and began stroking Dean slowly, gently. He knew what Dean typically preferred but he was not in the mood for anything rough or fast at the moment. He wanted to take his time making it pleasant for his hunter who deserved so much to be shown powerful, yet unhurried expressions of love. He also kept in mind the dinner bell would eventually go off, but hopefully not until after Dean did.

Dean wanted Cas fiercely, the angel seemed to want him just as much but his slow ministrations made Dean oddly more emotional than he already was. His kisses were long and sweet, his tongue swept slowly along his own, coaxing Dean down from the fast track to the speed the angel was after. Cas’s other hand rested at the small of his back, just at the swell of his cheeks. Deans arms were so firmly wrapped around his angels shoulders, as if someone were trying to tear him away. He just couldn't seem to get close enough. His abdominal muscles twisted and curled in delicious anticipation as he leisurely began pushing against Cas’s hand to counter his movements. Soft sighs fell from Dean's mouth, he was so lost in Cas’s precious touch he couldn't help it. He became aware of a sensation, or need he hadn’t felt before. A physical need, or an ache of sorts, for something...just deep down in his tummy somewhere. It was curious, it frustrated him, and most of all it made him even more feelsy to the point where he thought he could cry because he was just so overwhelmed with emotion. Nothing else in the world mattered but the beloved angel his soul yearned to meld with.

Cas reveled in Dean's responses to his touch. He loved making him feel this good, he only wished Dean felt like he deserved it. Lately, he’d felt from him a glimmer of hope that was testing the waters and so Cas did everything he could to foster and nurture that hope. To show him every way he knew how that he deserved every kind of love, to be valued, cherished, understood, appreciated, worshiped, and taken care of. He needed Dean to feel this, to _know_ this, accept this, and most importantly, to _live_ this. He could feel Dean needed something..more, but he seemed unsure of what that was himself. He moved his left hand from Dean's back, trailing his fingers along his hip in the warm water and slid his palm below his right hand, rubbing and gingerly squeezing his balls. Cas immediately noted chills and goosebumps all along Dean’s skin, his heart rate rose slightly. The angels technique elicited a few quiet gasps from Dean, who began tilting his hips even further upward, though keeping the same tortuous pace. Cas felt the sexual tension building, normally he kept his hands only where Dean had shown him he preferred. Yet the severe angle in which he was tilting his hips had Cas's hand grazing a little further beyond the boys to the area he panicked over before. Tonight though  he didn’t seem to mind, in fact Cas could tell Dean was still wanting something but _couldn't quite put his finger on_ _it._ So Cas decided to do that for him, at least to delicately try anyway. He swiftly switched hands so that while Dean gently pushed his cock into Cas’s left hand, his right was giving the boys attention. If it happened to go farther than that on account of how Dean was moving, he’d gauge the reaction accordingly. It didn’t take long, the thrusting became deeper and his fingers brushed over the sensitive entrance. His sweet human shuddered and tensed for a brief moment, Dean drew away from Cas’s mouth to look in the oceans of blue. He thought for a second Dean might “freak out” as he called it, but those forests of green conveyed only love...and trust. His lips were back on Cas’s in an instant, and he resumed the previous rhythm which had allowed Cas access in the first place.

He was pleased Dean was so very brave, it was a small step but a step forward nonetheless and something for now, Cas could be comfortable with. He only hoped he could prove worthy of that trust, so he was as gentle as possible. He lightly pressed and rubbed circles there, in no rush whatsoever. He’d never felt stimulation in the area himself, but had read about how incredibly sensitive it was so he was careful to monitor Dean and let him indicate how far he was willing to take this. So far his hunter seemed very amenable to staying right where they were.

Dean wasn’t sure Cas meant to touch him there but when he did, he let it sink in a second and realized it actually felt.. _ nice. More than nice, I love his hands, love to watch him hold me and touch me in so many ways. That was gentle and really good, oh Cas it’s ok, you can do that again if you want.  _ He kissed Cas to reassure him, he knew how afraid his angel was of bringing forth anything which might set him back. Dean was thankful that in this moment the only things in his mind were Cas and how good he was making him feel. He didn’t know what to expect, he knew he might lose his cool at anytime. But in his heart, he  _ knew  _ this touch from his angel was what he wanted. Cas continued to circle with his fingers, gradually increasing pressure. Chills rippled down Dean's spine, the pressure was sending messages to nerves he didn’t know he had and rocketed all through his abdomen. His muscles began cinching and contracting in his tummy. Deans fingers were slipping in Cas’s hair because of the shampoo, he tried to grip a few locks with both hands, but couldn’t seem to hold on. His breath was ragged and he couldn’t stop the desperate sounds he made. The only thing grounding him were Cas’s lips as they played a heated game of catch and release with Deans. He felt the wave slowly build from way deep down in his belly and roll through his body and as he came white specks of light flashed in his eyes. Pulse after pulse wracked through him, and for a second he thought he might’ve passed out. It was the longest, most intense orgasm by far he’d ever had. As that sunk into his heart and mind, he was so blissfully happy it had been with Cas. Cas who was still rubbing and stroking him delicately through the aftershocks which he thought would never end.

It took a while for his body to stop twitching and shaking, all he wanted was for his angel to hold him forever. Cas eventually put his arms around Dean, pressing their chests together. Dean of course felt that amazing, mystical swelling his chest.

“I love when you’re this happy Dean. I wish you could see how it makes your soul shine,” Cas whispered in awe as he looked at him.

The left side of Dean's mouth turned up in a goofy smile, he was still a little out breath but replied, “Sex with an angel...it does a body good.”

He and Cas kissed for a few more minutes and just when Dean's hand was moving south to return the favor the oven buzzer went off. Dean slumped over and growled in irritation.

“It’s ok go, dinner won’t finish itself,” Cas nudged in jovial smart-assery.

“Look at you all sarcastic with a mohawk. Badass Cas..it suits you.” Dean shot back, inwardly impressed. Cas tilted his head and squinted his eyes.

Dean laughed, “Ah jeez where’s my phone I need a picture of this.” He looked around and saw it on the table with the beer and grabbed it. Cas was still adorkably confused sitting there surrounded with bubbles and a foamy hair do. Dean clicked the camera icon and snapped a photo. It was Cas at his best, pleasant and inquisitive all at once.  _ I’m definitely going to make this my home screen.  _ He felt quite mischievous and started typing on his phone.

“Dean, what are you doing?”

“Sending this...just..just hold on…”

“Who are you sending it to?”

“Just don’t worry..hold on…” but as he faked typed he very clearly and deliberately mouthed the name Crowley.

“Dean don’t you dare! What are thinking? Have you become mentally ill? Don’t you DARE send that to Crowley!”

“What? He already knows, and partners should have incriminating things to hold over each other...since we have boatloads of stuff on him I figured the least I could do for saving your life is throw him a bone,” he teased with a maniacal smirk.

Cas made a swipe for Dean's phone, while somehow Dean managed to swat the angel's hand away and give him a fake grumpy look, dimples of discontent included.

“Dean don’t! GIVE. IT. TO. ME!”

“Hmmm bossy Cas, keep it up and I might do just that…” Dean said with a mocking smolder.

Cas stopped and squinted, “..are..are we still talking about the same thing?”

Dean quickly stashed his phone in a safe, dry spot and shot back with, “That’s for me to know and torture you with!” Then he splashed Cas in the face. The angel had an incredulous look on his face and sent a wall of water back at Dean. The hunter wore a huge grin as they both chilled there in a standoff, then suddenly a hurricane erupted from the tub as two grown ass men engaged in an epic water fight. The spray and splatters went everywhere and soaked everything. Dean and Cas went at it for only a minute or two but it seemed much longer. It ended with both of them wrestling each other in a tub half emptied of water, somehow Dean had “captured” Cas and pinned him to the opposite side of the tub

with his arms behind his back, Dean had one arm around his front and neither could stop laughing so hard they were almost crying. The oven buzzer went off again, Dean sighed and hopped out, leaving a wet, soapy, not so mohawked angel looking indeed like a half drowned cat in a bathtub. 

Dean quickly threw a towel around his waist and turned of the buzzer. He pulled the dish out of the oven and to his relief it still looked perfect. He turned off the oven, set the baking dish on a heat safe glove, then grabbed he and Cas some underwear and t-shirts. His angel was still drying off when he tossed his clothes onto a wet chair next to the tub. He  balanced two plates on the other arm headed for the outdoor patio meal area. Then he grabbed utensils, and the beers from near the tub, and made a semi grand gesture to Cas towards the table, indicating that dinner was served. The angel sat down and enjoyed that pleased look Dean had with himself when he provided those he loved with a good meal and even better company. “What do we have here?” Cas asked.

“I saw how much you enjoyed the Shepard's Pie on our date and thought I’d take a crack at it myself. I hope it's at least half as good.”

“I know it will be, your culinary talent is more than proficient. Anyone lucky enough to sit at your table is blessed Dean.”

_ Jeez, you’re gonna make me blush. That’s...really nice to hear.  _ His ears got pink and he couldn't help the shy smile that crept over his face as he pulled the napkin on his lap. “Thanks Cas, that means a lot. Food and family are my favorite things. I’ve got both right now so I’m pretty darn happy….” he trailed off.

Cas noticed the tiniest twinge of sadness there at the end. He reached across the small table to place his hand on Dean’s. “I look forward to sharing many meals like this with Sam and your mother as well.”

“Yeah, I hope so. Who knows, maybe someday we can organize one Hell of a cook out and have Jody and the girls out too one of these days.”

“I’d love that, they seem very kind and it would be nice to visit with Claire too.”

“She’s such a rascal, reminds me a little of myself. I think if she’s open to it, then occasional visits would be cool.”

Dean sat for a minute, normally he would’ve been eight bites into Cas’s two by now and yet…he couldn’t help pause.

“Is everything alright?” Cas asked with concern.

He took a deep breath and had a look of wonder in his eyes. “Yes...I..I guess I’m just thankful. Do not misunderstand, this ain’t a blessing by  _ any _ means. But thinking about the people we still have with us even though we’ve lost so many...we’re here in this cool place getting to help another group of amazing people, new friends. And I’ve got you. I’m trying to do better,  _ am  _ doing better. I’m thankful for this time right now, glad you're here with me.”

Cas got a smile so wide on his face Dean thought he’d be blinded by his radiance. He squeezed Dean's hand, not wanting to ruin this humans beautiful epiphany by more feelsy chatter, he lovingly said “e

Eat before your stomach rumbles and ruins the conversation.” Dean smiled back and dug in.

Cas made a show of critiquing the Shepards Pie. He knew Dean could handle general criticism, he blew off anyone who didn't like his singing, and he could let sexual rejection roll of his back like water. There were two things in regards to Dean you simply  _ did not fuck with…. _ woe be to the unfortunate person who dared speak ill of Baby or Dean’s cooking. You ever wanted to put an arrow through Dean's heart all you need do is diss the car or the feast and your ass was grass. So he toyed slowly with his beloved, let every facial expression he knew how to emote cross his face. He set down his fork, sipped his beer, and sat back in his chair. With a blank stare he softly said, “That’ll do.”

He watched in jubilation as horror dawned on Dean's face, then he smirked and offered a quiet “Kidding.”

“You  _ Assbutt!” _ Dean howled and threw his napkin in Cas’s face.

“Dean, you know I’m a terrible liar so believe me when I say this- I love your Shepherd's Pie like you love Cherry Pie. This one can easily compete with the one at Clancy’s. Thank you,” he said as stuffed a another bite in his mouth.

_ What a brat. I could deal if he didn’t like it, his taste buds are….different. But damn I’m glad he likes it. _

Dinner was pleasant, both had seconds, and thought about thirds but decided against it. They were downing more beers when Cas remembered his translation of the song.

“Perfect timing for dessert. You grab your song, I’ll grab the goodies,” Dean drawled.

Cas briefly wondered what Dean had managed to find, but sat back outside and waited patiently. The evening had cooled slightly, but still felt nice and some of the nocturnal forest wildlife sounds had come back after the storm. Dean came back out grinning and holding a small box. “I found these in the bakery section of the market this morning. It’s not pie, but still tasty.” He opened the box in front of Cas who peered in and saw four large cookies topped with swirled whipped cream and tiny flecks of coconut shavings.

“They look light and fluffy,” Cas smiled.

“Coconut Cream Dreams..or so the label says. Take one Cas.”

“I shall, I’ve never seen you this pleased over cookies.”

“ _ Everybody deserves a cookie,” _ Dean chortled and plopped down on Cas’s knee while he took his first bite. It was lighter and softer than he expected, and not as sweet as American desserts. He liked the mildness of it and took his time to savor each bite.  _ Cas must like it because he hasn’t stopped chewing or said a word.  _ He looked over and read Cas’s handwriting.  _ I’ve never seen his handwriting before, it’s absolutely perfect, like a gothic font in a word program. _

 

_ ~Slow and steady. In sheer silence, _

_ Enter my love’s eyes, oh dear symphony of a good night’s sleep. _

 

_ Take my beloved on a trip to the dazzling stars and on the beautiful moon where faeries will play with him. _

 

_ Don’t be afraid my love, beautiful fireflies will lighten up the road of your dreams. But first open the door, as they await you on the other side of the road. _

 

_ My love don’t be afraid to travel the world of your dreams, and come back to me when the light of the sun calls. Oh dear symphony of a good night’s sleep, take my love to the world of his dreams.~ _

  
  


_ “ _ Cas, that’s...interesting.”

“It is though, isn’t it? This cookie is delicious by the way, thank you so much...coconut molecules are really marvelous.I’m unsure who she would be singing to, but it’s lovely.”

“Kind of scary too seeing as how she’s a murdering sociopath. Any luck with theories on who she could be?”

“There are several legends. Some were written down, some passed down orally. They’d like to continue investigating, see if they can find anything that would help narrow down the possibilities. We already found something of interest.”

“Aaand that would be?”

“The song I heard last night, the same one the Yara was drawn to, was not a human woman singing. I can’t speak for what you heard or Nina and Nalo, it’s likely neither you nor nor them would know the difference. The song I heard was one repeated by a bird, the Lyre species specifically.”

“So what is that, like a parrot only smarter?”

“No, they are remarkably talented at repeating sounds, even full songs if they hear it enough. And not just songs, instrumental music too. It's easy to see how humans would mistake their singing, the sound is nearly identical to that which it’s copying. So now we need to hunt Lyre birds as well. Not to kill, but to track.”

“Well I think Callum told me he and Jobeka are part of a Lyre conservation society here, maybe Jobeka might know someone who could safely put tracking devices on a bunch of them to follow their activity over the next few days. I’ll call her first thing tomorrow.”

“That sounds like a good plan. Can I please help with dishes?”

“Only if you’re willing to kiss the cook” Dean smirked.

“I’m willing to do more than kiss, but if a kiss is all that you ask….” Cas said as the rest of the sentence was lost when he tenderly brushed Dean's coconut flavored lips. They tasted so good Cas ended up nearly devouring him and left Dean breathless.  

After a minute Dean detangled himself, with some difficulty, but a movie was coming on he hoped Cas would like and they really needed to get the dishes done beforehand. Cas eagerly jumped up and help clear the table. Dean didn’t know why he was always so eager to help with dishes, but of course he appreciated the contribution to chores. He washed and Cas dried, it amused him how close Cas stood, as if they were joined at the hip. As soon as the kitchen was clean they mosied up to brush their teeth and hop into bed. Dean curled into Cas’s side and lay his head on his chest while setting the right channel.

“Another classic from my younger years….” Dean stated enthusiastically. A man on the screen with a shoulder bag was walking down a curved corridor in what looked to be a sports stadium. Before the title could even grace the screen Cas blurted out, “Yer killing me Smalls!” complete with the frustrated hand gestures.

Dean laughed because references now sounded so funny coming out of Cas’s mouth. “It’s the great Gambiiiino!” Dean droned back at him grinning. They snuggled back together and Dean lightly ran his hand along the other side of his angels ribs.

Cas was thrilled to watch Dean get excited about another of his favorite movies. The Sandlot was indeed a modern American classic, it also made Cas extremely sad because it was the epitome of what Dean and Sam never had. A group of friends in a regular  neighborhood, hanging out and playing baseball, enjoying the dog days of summer. He would always ache for what the two of them missed growing up, he loved them dearly and hoped whatever he brought to the Winchester family table would improve and brighten their future. He kissed the top of Dean's head, then got lost in the story of preteen boys living the baseball dream and ogling the pretty lifeguard at the community swimming pool. He laughed when the boys called Scotty “Smalls”, felt a little sheepish when Hambino Porter explained annoyingly what S’mores were to Smalls and how to make them. He was proud of Squints’ death defying maneuver to get Lifeguard Wendy close enough to kiss him. He kissed Dean when his human confessed, “That was a smooth move, I don’t even know if I woulda had the guts to do that!” He almost cried at the end realizing how much alike he and Smalls were. In the beginning he was the odd, dorky little guy that enthusiastically stumbled to find his place among the gang. Often he didn’t understand the game logistics, references, and even famed athletic stars. He’d formed a special connection with Benny “the Jet” Rodriguez, and by story’s end he’d been adopted into the Sandlot family. He decided this was his favorite movie so far. Dean was definitely his Benny...a handsome guy he looked up to, a man more of action than words, generous to others, a motivator who kept everyone in line, he always stood up for what was right, and remained the truest friend for years. He wondered if Dean considered him his Smalls. “Thank you Dean, that’s a special movie I wouldn’t mind watching again sometime. Does Sam like it too?”

“I question his taste in entertainment sometimes but anyone with judgement bad enough to not like this movie can live in the garage. Which is why he sleeps in a corner at the end of the hall,” Dean chuckled as he turned the tv off.

He looked at this treasure next to him, this insanely alluring man. Dean wondered if Cas looked like the description other angels had given in reference to themselves. He knew whatever his true form was, he would be in awe of it. Something within him could recognize Cas no matter what. When Jimmy had temporarily regained his body, it was as if a wall had come between them. Sure he wanted to help the guy, he was a good family man. But it was Castiel who captured Dean’s heart so completely. Whenever those oceanic eyes met his he felt, no he  _ knew _ , it was not their physical forms regarding each other, but soul and grace. Time would eventually tell if when grace and soul were all that remained, they could continue together for eternity. But for now Dean would enjoy every bit of emotional and physical pleasure he could give this divine being.

He carefully climbed on top of Cas, kissing his chest slowly and softly. His angel had been so loving and sweet with him earlier, his body was buzzing with desire to return the favor. If Cas needed rest and sleep it worried him greatly, but the only way he knew how to administer a restful environment was to nurture him with human comforts. He’d provided a good soak, plied him with food and beer, presented wholesome entertainment, and saved the best for last. Cas’s skin was mouthwatering, something scented from the tropical bubble bath lingered. He could sink his teeth in all night but he needed to slow himself down. Licking and sucking the taught skin down to Cas’s nipple gave the angel goosebumps. Dean teased it with his moist lips while rubbing the left one with his thumb, he felt Cas’s muscles harden under his touch and the angels hands through his hair. His nipples seemed quite sensitive so Dean took his time with them. Swirling his tongue around the one in his mouth, he studied Cas to find out what he liked best. After teasing for quite a while he delicately took just the bud in his mouth and sucked. He heard his angel gasp and the surrounding muscle flexed involuntarily, pushing against Dean's mouth. He released it, then Cas brought his mouth right back down urging him to continue. Each time Dean let go, Cas’s hand would bring him right back and he’d envelope more of it, sucking a little harder. Dean was pleased to discover that Cas was so receptive.  _ The better to torture him with.  _ The other side got equal attention as well, by the time Dean was through Cas’s breathing was any but patterned and calm.

He kissed and sucked his way down to the glorious hip bones, leaving a trail of love marks. He especially loved making them on the soft part of Cas’s tummy around his belly button. Dean had slowly been creeping down the angels body, both Cas’s knees had fallen to the side to comfortably accommodate his humans delectable torment. He peeled back the waistband of bright orange underwear slowly, kissing and sucking the skin underneath. Dean wanted Cas in his mouth so badly already but withheld his lips from going there. The underwear had only begun to be pulled off but he couldn’t help but swell with pride at the impressive strain on the material front and center. In a moment if tooth rotting fluffiness he lay his cheek against the large bulge, slid his hands under the angels ass and gave him a huge hug. It end in a contented sigh and a quick kiss on top of the material. He tugged the orange down more and kissed Cas’s hips and tops of his thighs until he could pull no longer without flipping him over to yank the backside down as well. He kissed the swell of Cas’s cheeks, taking his time with this side too. He knew his angel had a thing for his ass but Dean couldn’t get over how athletic every part of Cas seemed to be and his backside was so well toned. He kneaded,massaged, and kissed Cas’s butt cheeks and found them kind of mesmerizing... _ what don’t I find mesmerizing about him? _

As more underwear was peeled down, Dean kissed his thighs and behind his knees. The underwear was no more, he turned Cas back over and as he did, he could see two faint, luminous blue orbs gazing back at him. He would never get over how that made him feel. Awe, wonder, humility, and lust all curled within him. 

He climbed halfway up the bed leaning over Cas and lightly traced along the juncture of his hips and thighs with his fingertips and followed with his tongue. Dean felt Cas’s stomach muscles cinched and twisted, he was trying not to move too much. His angel remembered all too well what too much squirming got him...or  _ didn’t _ get him. But having his mouth so close was proving difficult, it wasn’t only his tummy muscles twitching in anticipation. Dean swiped his tongue across the base of his cock which lay flat on his perfect stomach. He tenderly rubbed Cas’s balls with his right palm and brought one to his mouth. He took great care to be as delicate as possible, hoping if Cas didn’t like it, at least it wasn’t because he’d hurt him.

Cas couldn’t believe how much emotion was rolling off of Dean, the whole night his feelings had been nearly overwhelming. He’d been worried, he’d been sad, he’d been blissful and content. Now he was nervous, yet full of devotion and passion. Cas could feel how ardently  he endeavored to please him.  _ He needn’t worry as much as he does, I love everything we’ve shared. He’s so amazing at this. There’s bound to be something this vessel will find less pleasing, but it wouldn’t be a reflection on Dean's skill, surely he doesn’t fear I’d think that? Especially not now, oh heaven his mouth feels soooo good there.  _ Cas had to try even harder to stay put as Dean massaged his balls one at a time, sucking on them leisurely. Warm sensations traveled up into Cas’s belly, he couldn't help shifting and tilting his hips but as soon as he did Dean stilled them with his hands. Cas was getting impatient, so while his precious human continued his prolonged assault he grabbed Dean's hand and placed it on his ever hardening length in a not-so-subtle hint. Dean inwardly smiled and thought to himself,  _ I love when he’s so needy.  _ He was all too happy to cave and happily began rubbing him, while his mouth continued just below.

Cas seemed completely euphoric which pleased Dean to no end. He remembered how hard he’d come earlier with Cas, maybe he could return the favor. He carefully crawled up Cas’s body, still lightly stroking him so as to not incite a one man riot. He slid his left hand under his angels neck and touched his forehead with his own. Cas cupped his cheek softly and quietly asked, “What do you want try?”

For all his experience, he still found himself shy with Cas in some ways. He’d never hesitated to use his particularly foul mouth in the past for things he’d wanted to try. But here he was, cheeks burning and tongue tied for some reason. He sent Cas an image, or a kind of flashback feeling from earlier that night in a questioning manner. Cas kissed him passionately and sighed as Dean's tongue teased his own. “Thank you for showing me, yes please.” He held Deans face and kissed him for quite a while in appreciation for his request even though he'd been shy. So of course Dean lost it when that angels mouth melted with his lips, his hands went straight for the hair of their own accord and messed it up good and proper.

_ Focus! You wanted to try, remember?  _ So he tore himself away and leaned over to retrieve a bottle from the nightstand. He didn't open it yet, just set it on the bed as he scooted down nervously and concentrated a bit on something familiar and happy that he loved doing. He eagerly took Cas in his mouth and sucked lightly on the tip, then let his tongue languidly roam around it. His angel let out a very pleased groan and swept an appreciative hand through his hair. This definitely calmed Dean's nerves and also boosted his confidence, if he could please his angel doing this then maybe he had a shot at making the next kind of stimulation just as mind blowing. With renewed faith in himself, he grabbed the bottle and squeezed some of the liquid contents onto his fingers. Thankfully it was warm, so he went back to massaging the boys which Cas had issued zero complaint about. The angel was twisting and tilting his hips in anticipation of Dean on him again. He was beyond satisfied when his mouth happily slid down to the base of his cock and back up to the tip. Cas seemed suitably distracted by all that attention so Dean gradually let his fingers slide further south until they lightly nudged the sweet spot.  _ Please don’t let this suck. Or hurt. _

Cas found Deans apprehension so unfounded, and also endearing. He felt him approach with the same sweet gentleness he’d shown in the bubble bath. Just like Dean, Cas found the light stimulation very pleasant. He wanted to encourage his apprehensive human, so he concentrated as much as he could on relaxing. He began tilting and pushing against Dean's touch for more pressure and was happy to get it. He felt new sensations that sent shocks deep in his tummy, and couldn't help his uneven breathing. Dean really was amazing, Cas was so content he thought the happy radiance inside him would burst through.

Dean kept carefully circling the delicate entrance, Cas seemed to be begging for more. He grabbed the bottle and applied more lube to his hand just to be safe and very, very slowly worked his finger inside. Cas’s hips started a gentle, leisurely rhythmic motion rolling and undulating. Dean continued sliding his finger in cautiously and stroked his angels cock, it was awesome watching Cas so lost in all the sensations. Eventually his finger swept against something that felt different and at that same moment Cas’s hips jerked forward and he kind of yelped. Dean immediately froze, “Oh crap I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” he felt a sudden wave of panic and horror in his stomach.

Cas grabbed Dean's left hand to keep it in place and pulled his face up to his own and kissed him hard. “No” the angel growled at him as he pushed against his hand, “Do that again...do.not.stop” and he squeezed Dean's hand to urge him on.

Dean smirked, happily surprised with himself. He made that squinty look with his eyes when he was watching something unfold that pleased and amused him. His resumed his work, brushing against the spot that electrified Cas. Dean gazed at Cas as his angel struggled with the oversensitivity, he was careful not to move too fast or put too much pressure there. He couldn't believe how tight it was, with great care he worked in another finger. Then he lazily slid both in and out at a pace that had his angel groaning and writhing in a way that was obscene. Dean ensured he nudged and pressed against Cas’s prostate at the angle that seemed to drive him crazy. He indeed looked like he was losing his mind which put the stupidest grin on Dean's face. Seeing the result of his effort was unbelievably gratifying, and so he tried to take it up one notch further. Kissing down Cas's tummy he moved down and let his mouth find the angel's cock which had become so impossibly stiff it was smooth as marble. He thrust deep and hard into Dean’s mouth with a mesmerizing rhythm, while low growling sounds emanated from his chest. The sounds gave Dean chills and encouraged him to keep going. Cas’s pace quickened, he blew caution to the wind and let his body take over in a frantic, desperate piston-like motion just as Dean had been urging him to do for days.  _ Jesus Christ Cas, you’re fucking hot like this! _

_ “A-a-ghh, Dean..d-don’t stop, please don’t..stop. God it...feels so good.”  _ Cas didn’t know what to do with his hands, pillows were flying everywhere, the bed was shaking….Dean never knew the corruption of an angel could be this heavenly. He felt Cas’s muscles tighten around his fingers as he exploded in his mouth. The tremors and pulses seemed to go on forever while Dean continued gently sucking him through wave after wave of intense, slowly descending pleasure. Several minutes passed and Cas was still breathing ragged. Dean lay happily on his tummy in a daze, waiting for him to calm. “Please feel free to try that again...anytime Dean,” he said still a bit out of breath. He yanked Dean up and kissed him silly. “Thank you, for telling me what you wanted..and for trying it.”

“Hmmmm... I love when you let go like that Cas, you shouldn't hold back so much. I promise to say something if it’s too much, k?”

“Alright Dean, you win” Cas whispered, running his hands through his hair. He kissed him again with sweet brushes of his lips, which could’ve gone on indefinitely but nature was calling his human so he lay back and awaited his return. When Dean came back, Cas was out cold.  _ Yup, I did good tonight.  _ He slithered in bed next to Cas and silently thanked the universe for bringing them together. He snuggled into his neck and drifted off peacefully.


	17. Chapter 17

Dean didn’t know what time it was, he could see the faint light of the sun beginning to rise, but just barely. Movement on the bed had stirred him, he looked to see Cas on the other side, halfway down. He was making distressing sounds and chucking pillows in front of himself in an odd manner. Remembering Grace's advice he thought better of trying to wake him, so he watched from his side. Fifteen minutes passed and Cas had become more agitated, it made Dean nervous.  _ What could be bothering him so much I wonder? Could it be more Hell dreams? Battles from eons ago?  _ He wished Cas never had to fight, he knew he could handle it...he used to be so badass. Yet he was so kind and caring, he really was too good for this world. Suddenly Cas swung hard as if he were blocking an attack from someone. His fist split the wardrobe on his side of the bed in half, large splintered pieces stuck out menacingly. He fell off the bed and kept blocking, like he was trapped in the dream.  _ That’s it, he won’t get hurt but I can’t let him go Muhammed Ali on this place. Bell wrung, he’s done.  _ Dean scurried across the bed to him carefully and placed his hand on the angels shoulder, calling his name. He got a sliver of what Cas was dreaming and then before he registered what was happening Cas grabbed his arm, pulled him from the bed and slammed him into what was left of the wardrobe. He tried to yell, but only blood sprayed out of his mouth as he coughed. The last thing he saw was Cas drawing his right arm back before making contact with his chest. He flew into the wall and the corner woodstove faster than he even thought possible, then everything went black.

Cas woke up on the floor next to the bed a little bit later. He was disoriented and confused.  _ Why is the wardrobe destroyed? And there's blood all over it!  _ He looked up to the left and saw plaster and insulation peeking out of the wall, blood pouring down as if someone had begun painting in a messy, careless manner with a dripping wet roller. His eyes followed the streams of thick dark blood and his heart shattered as he saw Dean laying on the floor in a scene right out of a horror movie. He hurried over to him and felt for a pulse. It was faint, but he needed to heal him quickly because his scanning already picked up that his brain was swelling from a skull fracture and he had seconds left before bleeding out from the stove handle that had ripped through his femoral artery. He knew there were other mortal injuries but he couldn’t heal him until he’d lifted Dean’s leg off the broken handle. He did so carefully, finished his scan, and then placed two fingers on his human's forehead, allowing his grace to stretch and flow into every part of this precious soul. Minutes went by, whereas he used to heal him in less than a second. It was working, yet it was also a testament to how serious his injuries were. Cas healed him to the point he could feel himself becoming exhausted. Flashes of the first time he healed him hit like jolts of electricity to his chest. With each pulse he thought he was dying inside even more. He began feeling Dean’s heart rate strengthen. The love of his existence was covered in blood, but he would wake soon with no pain and likely no memory of what happened...just like himself. He backed away gently from Dean over to the wasteland of a wardrobe, and held his legs to his chest, shaking violently.

_ How could I have done this? Me? I vowed I’d never hurt him...two of his ribs had been snapped and tore through his left lung, several vertebrae have been crushed and broken, his entire pelvis shattered, and the stove handle had gone right through his leg. And if I had been asleep any longer he would have died! He would have been lost to me forever...I would have deserved it.  _

Dean woke a few minutes later, he wasn’t sure what had happened. He saw Cas between the bed and the wardrobe, his eyes were wide and red. He was looking at him as if he were terrified,  _ what in the hell happened? There’s blood everywhere! All over me? It looks like the freaking Chainsaw Massacre in here! Oh no...Cas..he...but this wasn’t his fault! He didn’t mean to!  _ Dean got up and moved toward him, “Cas I’m ok! I’m-” he tried to reassure Cas, but as soon as he’d reached for him his angel jolted away from him and in that second the light went out from his eyes. It was like he wasn’t there and Dean felt it, like a switch turned off inside him. It was just like when he’d left him with Meg years ago in that hospital.  _ No no no no no! _

“Cas you can’t do this no, No!”  _ What do I do? I don’t know what to do for this! I want him back! Gilrad might know..where's his phone?  _ He looked around and found it on the desk downstairs and pulled Gilrad’s number. He was expecting him to be asleep, it was 5 am. On the first ring the man answered, “Castiel is everything alright?”

“It’s not Cas, it’s..no it's not alright. There was an accident, something happened with his grace. I’m not sure, but he’s gone, comatose or something. I don’t know what to do,” he whispered, trying to keep the tears away.

“We’ll be right over. Don’t touch him, but talk to him, the sound of your voice will help. Try to be calm, if you can,” Gilrad instructed him. Something in his voice was pained, Dean noticed. He hung up and realized neither of them were dressed. He threw on some sport shorts and a t-shirt, he tried to tell Cas to get dressed but he just stared into space. Gilrad has said not to touch him, so he lay some clothes next to him and spoke softly.

“Cas, please listen. I’m not mad and I’m ok. I don’t know what just happened but you didn’t mean to. It wasn’t your fault, you were dreaming, about fighting...with me. The Mark was taking over and I was the one hurting  _ you.  _ I hurt you so bad and I’m sorry. You didn’t even fight me back, just blocked my punches and took everything else. Oh God Cas I’m so sorry for that! It took months to get those images of what I did to you out of my head. And you didn’t mean to hurt me now, I know it. Gilrad is coming, he’ll try to help. Please get dressed,  _ please.  _ He’ll be here soon. Don’t go away, don’t leave me please. I know you’re in there. Come back to me!”

Dean didn’t remember ever wanting to touch someone so much in all his life. He wanted Cas in his arms, to hold his face, kiss his forehead. Everything in him screamed to even just hold his hand, he felt like his soul was reaching for Cas but trapped in a body that wouldn’t allow it. He he wouldn't risk making things worse. Even though he was right next to him, Cas felt a world away.  _ Dammit I knew something was wrong! I should've made him tell me, maybe then I’d have an idea how to help or even prevent this mess.  _ Dean whispered to him how he and Sam missed him when he was away, that Sam had nobody to nerd out with when he found some bit of lore he deemed utterly fascinating. He told him how much he thought about him at night in the bunker, knowing he was there brought him so much comfort. Dean tried again and again to motivate him to get dressed. Nothing. Finally he heard a soft knock at the door. He let Gilrad in who proceeded to introduce him to the “we” part of his earlier statement. But not before recoiling at Dean. “Are you alright? Do you need to go to hospital?”

“No I’m fine. Whatever happened, he healed me. Sorry I must look pretty tore up.”

“You sure, you’ve no more wounds?”

“Yeah, completely healed.”

“If you insist. This is Kirra and Gus, they’re also tribal shamans whom I believe can help.”

Dean felt something very off about this-  _ why was Gilrad and apparently other shamans up at this hour so readily available? Why do they look so exhausted? _

“Um he’s up there on the other side of the bed..I couldn’t budge him to get dressed. Didn’t touch him, like you said. Did I interrupt something? I get the feeling I didn’t wake you from a sound sleep?”

Their faces were extremely somber, Gildrad took a deep breath and offered, “Something’s happened, I’ll let Kirra fill you in. Why don’t Gus and I take a look at Castiel?”

“Um, yeah…” Dean felt his body tense for really bad news, he looked at Kirra for an explanation. She looked very similar to Grace, small and slender, exuded the same calm, yet she was clearly older because her waist length hair was completely bone white.

“I’m so sorry to meet you under these circumstances, let’s sit on the couch shall we?”

Dean walked over with her and sat silently, waiting for her to expand on Gilrad’s comment.

“Borobi and Minjei were killed this morning," she whispered their names as quietly as she could, "they’d been looking for clues with Finlay and Jamuna based on lore which Alden had shared with them.”

There it was, that kick in the gut he just knew had been coming. “How? What happened?” he barely whispered.

“They were over in Palm Grove Forest, at about 3:30am, Jamuna heard them over the radio, they were hearing the song. They didn’t know if it was a woman or a bird. There was some communication trouble, the radios were cutting out. Finlay and Jamuna were in the area but by the time they got there he was gone, she for fought another half hour but passed in the ambulance.”

“I’m so sorry. I hunted with Borobi, he was a happy person, despite the situation. And so was Minjei, she….” he faded off, between Cas and this news he was shaking slightly.

“Was laughter wasn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“Minjei in the dialect means laughter. She named you, did you know?”

“No, I had no idea who had.”

“That first night, she heard how quick and agile you were, then later when you hunted with others she heard them speak in admiration. It's-it was her favorite animal of the forest. Always thought it was a bit of a cowboy among local species.”

Dean had at first had it was goofy, especially since Crowley had already assigned him that moniker. But hearing Kirra speak, he couldn’t help but see the critter in a new light. He wished he could’ve spoken with Minjei a little more. Gus and Gilrad were whispering quietly upstairs in Yugambeh, Cas was still on the floor presumably. It made Dean incredibly nervous that nobody had been able to get through to him. He saw Gilrad calling someone and wondered if it was in relation to Cas or the hunters. All of a sudden he heard Enochian, he stood up to see Gilrad on the floor with Cas and a faint glow was between them.  _ What in the Hell is going on? Do all of the shamans speak it? _

_ “ _ It’s all right, Gilrad is the most versed of us in angelic matters. We don’t know much, but it’s been passed down and he’s also intuitive so he’ll have a better idea than most about what's happened. Speaking of, can you tell me about it?”

Dean went over the events as he remembered them with her. She seemed a little surprised about him dream sharing but otherwise listened intently. He felt sick, he didn’t understand what was wrong with Cas’s grace or if there was something he should or shouldn't have been doing to prevent this. Once again he came back to when Cas saved him, the angel had also doomed himself. Dean was a curse for this angel and it broke his heart. Kirra was asking him something but he couldn’t respond, he just couldn't speak. She said something to Gus, and then to Gilrad in the dialect. Then she too was on the phone speaking with someone in Yugambeh. He could hear a change in the men's tone and looked up to Cas standing with them, he was back but clearly beyond distraught with himself and holding his chest as if in physical pain as well. They helped him dress and got him walking to the steps. He look exhausted on top of everything else which made Dean wonder just how bad his injuries had been. As Cas walked down the stairs Dean went towards him and wanted to talk. He saw Cas look at him in response to his name being said, a tear rolled down his face and he quickly turned away. It felt like a shadow was was cast over his entire body, Dean got a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.Gus went to Dean as Gilrad took his angel out the door. He kept looking around Gus who was in front of him, he needed to know what was going on and where he was being taken.

“He’ll come with us for right now. We need to assess him further, please understand,” he put a kind hand on Dean's arm, “ we know very well what you mean to each other. We’ll get him back to you as soon as possible. And don’t worry about any of this,” he gestured to the mess in the room. Dean looked at him with extreme curiosity.

“Just don’t worry, we’ll have it taken care of. I’ll have you come with Kirra, we feel it's best not to leave you here. Grace has been notified of this mornings’ events, she’s on her way back as we speak and wants to see you as soon as possible.”

Dean felt the weight of everything sink in, “Guys I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you into our problems, especially not with B-...more hunters gone.”

Kirra piped up, ”We don’t choose when difficult times arrive. Finlay and Jamuna are being seen to, everything there is left to do for Borobi and Minjei our Arri is taking care of right now. He’s got his entire forensics team out there and our other hunters will be going out when they're through, albeit in larger groups. You and your angel have been of invaluable aid to us, please let us do the same for you.”

Dean was yet again overwhelmed by the tribes’ generosity. He nodded and collected Cas’s ID and phone to give Gus. “Do you mind if I take a separate car, I may need to pick up Jobeka and the girls later today.”

“Of course, follow me over to the community area. There’s food and coffee, we’ll talk more with breakfast in our bellies, we can get you cleaned up there as well.”

He’d almost forgotten that although Cas healed him and he had fresh clothes on, his own clothes had a fair amount of blood on them. Dean grabbed another shirt, his phone, ID, keys, and headed out behind her. Gilrad, Gus, and Cas were just leaving the parking lot when he walked to his car, he could see Cas sitting in the back seat with his head hung very low. Waves of sorrow, guilt, and fear washed over him.  _ He never had trouble with his grace until he met me. Every year he seems to lose more, I’m poison to him. _ He swallowed hard and did his best to stuff his emotions down for now. He wished he could go somewhere dead quiet to either run until he passed out or sit and do Dadirri. Maybe he’d have a chance later. He followed Kirra out the parking lot, he noticed when they turned onto Beacon Road that Gilrad stayed on the Main Western Road. When Dean and Kirra pulled into the parking area he asked her about Gilrad.

“They’re going to his house. Most of his supplies are there and he has helpful books and spell ingredients. If Castiel cannot receive help from heaven, I’m confident Gilrad's home is the next best place. You may have difficulty seeing it now, but it's really so fortuitous we’ve come together now, at this time.”

Dean hoped she was right and followed her around the houses to the community area and into the main building. She unlocked the doors and went straight to the kitchen area to retrieve something. Dean was beginning to find comfort here, the main room which had hallways leading to other small rooms had artwork which were cheerful even in their tone. Maybe it had been all along and he hadn’t really examined them until now. Kirra handed him a ring of keys which were labeled with numbers.

“Go up to cabin two in Kabun, take a shower, relax. When you come back I’ll have breakfast ready, hmm?”

Dean took the keys, “Thank you, I won’t be long.” He walked swiftly up the winding path to the cottages. The weather had dramatically improved, the morning sun slow to rise, as if giving the world time to adjust their eyes to her. It was already a little warm, but not uncomfortable as he climbed the hill. He remembered that first night here, how miserable he’d felt as he stood in the same spot. It already felt like years since that day, so many things had happened. Yet here he was, feeling the same gut wrenching guilt in a place created for respite, the irony was not lost on him. He looked out from the hillside, the view that first night had been brilliant. It was no less breathtaking during the day, the rolling hills, greenery...so picturesque, so very much like something out of a movie _.  _ He unlocked the door, went in and found the tiny bathroom. He hadn’t even looked in the mirror since waking up and what he saw was startling. Blood was dried on his mouth, chin, all down his neck. He took his shirt off to find he looked as if he’d gone swimming in a pool of it. Fortunately he’d swiped another t-shirt right before he’d left so he had that to change into, and his black sport shorts wouldn't show anything so that was a plus. The shower was tiny in comparison to the one in he and Cas were staying in. He doubted the both of them could even fit in this one.  _ I miss him so much. I know he’s really upset with himself. But he didn’t even want to look at me. Doesn’t he know there’s nothing to forgive? Who knows what kind of mojo issues he’s having, I just hope he’s ok so he can come back. Oh God, what if he’s mad? What if he’s finally had it with me and all my crap? Does he blame me for losing so much of his grace? This hurts so damn much. Cas...please don’t be mad at me, I’m so sorry for everything that you’ve been through. Please forgive me. _

When he was done he quickly got dressed, but took his time walking back to Kirra. The view was nice and he didn’t want to talk about anything just yet. There was a cool breeze which was refreshing, and most of the forest sounds had come back. He walked into the building and immediately smelled something yummy cooking. Meandering into the big kitchen, he found Kirra at the stove frying a variety of goodies.

She smiled warmly at him and pushed a fresh cup of coffee at him, “Sit and drink.”

He did as he was told and walked into the main room to find a table. Moments later she laid down two plates loaded with toast, sausage, fried veggies, ham, and baked beans. “Eat.”

_ She’s gonna eat all that? She’s the size of Dr. Ruth with a Lumberjack appetite! _

_ “ _ I’ll fill you in on a few more details regarding what happened this morning, then you’ll find a spot outside that suits you, to practice Dadirri.”

He nodded in surprise,  _ God Bless this woman. _

_ “ _ Arri’s forensics team took photos, they’ll be sent to the lab should Castiel be able to identify the markings or not, as a matter of policy. But there were some things carved into them. When Finlay and Jamuna found them they had been cut, repeatedly and very deep. It’s unclear what the weapon was, if any. Some of it initially has looked like random slashes, but made with an intense rage. They’re faces, heads, ears, chest….it was very, very bad. The rest of their bodies were the same but their chests were clear save markings, in an unknown language. As I said before, he was already gone when they arrived but she was trying to speak. It was difficult to make out what she was trying to say, her mandible wasn’t completely intact. But the two words she kept trying to convey where ‘she’..she something, and ‘jimme’.

Dean’s head snapped up so hard it actually hurt. “What d-do you...feather, angel? She..as in she is an angel..the witch?!”

“We don’t know.”

“Or is it about Cas? Did Finlay and Jamuna say anything about that being on the radio? Did they hear them say that on the radio or when they got to her?” Dean was starting to panic but Kirra placed a calming hand on his.

“We don’t know, Finlay and Jamuna have given their report to Arri and someone recorded it, the paramedics were given instruction to record anything she said. As soon as Arri is able to break from the investigation long enough, he will fill us in.”

_ This is all such a mess, where do we even begin to look for this witch? How? What will we do if we find her? Then what? This is so much bigger than we thought. _

_ “ _ I advise you to let tomorrow's worries rest. You cannot be in a good place to receive Castiel and care for him, if you do not care for yourself first. This is very important. To love and care for others as we wish, we must first love and care for ourselves. Eat.”

_ Yes, I’ve heard this before. I’m trying. _

He stuffed down what he could, which was most of the meal. Kirra turned him away firmly when he started in on the dishes, nudging him gently to the door. She called after him though, “Set your phone alarm. If you’re not back in twenty five minutes, I’m coming after you.”

“10-4” he answered back, realizing Grace had likely warned her.

He walked briskly towards the houses and found that tree, the one he’d tried to kiss Cas under last week. The ground was slightly damp but only in certain spots. He set his alarm and got comfortable. It surprised him how much he craved the stillness, as emotional as he was. Normally he’d find something to drink, shoot, or kill in times of distress. He considered this fairly distressful and yet none of those go-to strategies sounded appealing. He stilled his mind, the nearby forest sounds were quiet and comforting. He let them be near his mind, but not consume it. The breeze came and went, it swirled around him a few times and it was a little easier to hold it at arm's length...he acknowledged its presence but did not let it distract him.

When the alarm went off he found himself a little less stormy inside. There was still plenty of guilt fuel to keep him going but he did feel a difference. He got up and brushed himself off, then headed back to the community building. When he walked in he saw Grace sitting with Kirra having coffee. She got up and rushed to him, taking his hands in hers.

“How are you? Was Dadirri alright?” She asked, her face was warm but Dean could tell there was definite concern there as well.

“I’m..trying to deal. Dadirri was fine, yeah. I’m sorry to pull you away from your business in Brisbane.”

“I spoke at a conference yesterday, I had elected to stay on but had no obligation. I would’ve come back anyways given the circumstances.”

Just then Kirra’s phone rang, she answered and there was tension right away as she spoke in the dialect to someone. Dean heard her say the word Pindara and became worried. Grace’s eyes got wide as she took in whatever news was unfolding. Kirra quickly hung up.

“Is it Cas?” Dean asked, the panic simmered again.

Kirra shook her head while she grabbed her keys, “Deedee, I’m not sure what’s happened but her brother is asking for Numbeel Toong.”

“It’s that bad?!” Grace asked with shock.

“Afraid so, I will call you when I’m done. Need to leave right now, may not make it as is,” she said, her voice full of emotion as she ran through the front door.

“What’s Numbeel Toong?”

“Last Lamentation, you know them as Last Rites. From what I gather, Deedee’s brother rushed her to Pindara in the middle of the night with an emergency. I’m not sure what happened but it sounds as if there’s nothing left to be done. This is such a difficult morning. I need to call Alden, please sit down, have more coffee if you’d like and I’ll be back in a minute.”

_ Oh my God what’s happening? Three good hunters in one day? This can’t be coincidence. What if this is somehow linked with Cas’s grace? Could the witch be doing this? Maybe she knows an angel is here and she is syphoning his power somehow. But then  _ _ how does it explain the times he was really juiced up? _

Dean grabbed more coffee and thought on this for a while. He still hadn’t come up with anything when Grace came back she refilled her cup and sat with Dean. Both were a bit shaky from the events of the morning. Grace tried to brush it off by engaging him in conversation.

“Tell me about Dadirri this morning, you were outside, more exposed to the elements. Did anything unwanted come up?”

“No, I uh..I was actually was wishing I could find a place and sit or even run after what happened this morning. Then Kirra told me to go outside and it made me feel better. Normally I’d drink, hunt, or go for target practice but I just wanted to sit outside and kinda..stop time, tune everything out.”

“Maybe seeing a little of the appeal and benefit?” She smiled a little optimistically at him.

“Yeah, I suppose. Have you heard anything from Gilrad?”

“Not yet, I know they’re doing everything they can for him. It sounds like he is taking what happened very badly.”

“He’s gotta know I’d never blame him. He couldn't help it, it wasn’t his fault. And he healed me. I’m all better. He shouldn't be so hard on himself, it was a reaction not a choice.”

“Much like the relief you felt in Hell, which we’ve discussed. I told you you couldn't stop that feeling for anything, and under those circumstances I doubt the Pope himself could’ve lasted that long. But nobody, not me, not Cas will convince you to let go of that guilt. We cannot control what other people do or what they feel. If I told you your feelings of guilt are groundless, that if it wasn’t you torturing the souls it would have been someone else, would it make you feel any better?”

“Hell no.”

“Then his feelings on this matter are just as valid as yours in regards to your past. Nobody can change how you feel about it, but yourself. It’s the same with him. You have had a father, a brother, and friends you’ve cared about that have  _ loved _ you over the years, and now your mother as well. Until you, he has had no one. He is a part of your world, but you need to understand you are his  _ entire _ world. From the sounds of it he nearly killed you. How do you think that makes him feel? He knows he didn’t choose what he did. He knows it was merely a reaction. For him though, that difference is irrelevant, because either way he would have lost you if by some miracle he hadn’t awakened in time. His feelings about it are very important, to even ask him to shove them aside because someone says 'it’s alright’ invalidates his pain completely. This is something you both struggle with and must work on.”

Dean hadn’t thought about it that way, it infuriated him when someone tried to make him feel better by coming up with excuses as to why something wasn’t his fault….because it still happened. Only thing that helped was keeping busy..and time.

“What do I do? I’m going nuts here….”

“Allow us to do what we can for him and give him space.”

“How much space?”  _ No no no, I want him. He needs to be back here with me, I want hold him and tell him everything’s al-...shit. _

He dropped his head in his hands, feeling his heart rate rise. There was nothing...nothing  _ he _ could do and he knew it. Grace seemed to sense this epiphany and offered a solution.

“Let’s talk about your favorite subject.”

“Hungry, Grace? Sure it’s not yours?”

Fortunately with her field, she was able to take that as the light hearted razzing it was.

“I’m gonna need a lot more coffee for this…”

  
  



	18. Chapter 18

An hour and a half later they were both walking out of the community building feeling a bit lighter, Dean had gotten brave and offered her a couple of sins of his past. The sun was beautiful, the temperature had been climbing while they were inside which normally would be a sign that life was cheerfully returning to normal. Grace's phone rang and she hurriedly answered. Her concerned face wrinkled in sorrow as she shut her eyes tightly in response to the confirmation that Deedee was gone. She spoke in the dialect, calmly and professionally asking questions and listening to Kirra’s answers. After a few moments she hung up and was silent, collecting herself. Dean placed his arms around her, she was obviously a tough soul but everyone had their limits. The tribe had their fill and it wasn’t even nine am yet. Dean hoped this would be the last of the days bad news.

“Kirra will stay with Deedee’s brother and other family until affairs have been settled at Pindara. He noticed her up and down a lot in the night, pacing and coughing. She thought it was maybe asthma or a cold coming on. About 1:30 am she had severe pain in her shoulder and wasn’t breathing well at all so he rushed her down there. By the time the doctors diagnosed her with acute Pulmonary Embolisms she couldn’t breath on her own. X rays showed her lungs were riddled with blood clots, the most confusing case they’ve ever seen. No prior respiratory problems, hadn’t been ill, in very good shape. It was a sudden onset. Oh! There’s so much to be done! The Sorry Business will be tonight, I need to make some calls, get things together and made.”

“Sorry Business?”

“Yes, when tribal members pass the community shares in their loss. We do not let a family mourn alone. We gather, we cry, we eat, we sit with the family and support them. A loss is felt and observed by everyone because like a pebble dropped in a lake, the ripple affects us all in some way. It’s a big affair, and now we’ve lost three...three hunters, protectors of the people. This will be huge and there are many preparations to make.”

“Let me help, please. I need something to do. Other than getting Jobeka’s family situated later and Cas...not having him with me.. please give me something to do. Should I call Jobeka and update her?”

“No no no, uh this is something we must do. It’s not exactly forbidden, please understand it's just our way..we don’t allow the news of a member's passing to be given except by other members. I know you mean well, you’re very kind and I will take you up on your offer to help, it's simply too much for a few to undertake. I’ll call her, let me make some calls and visits. I’ll need to speak with Alden again immediately, and also with the families to begin coordinating. Let me make a few lists and phone calls then I can send you off on errands. Thank you, thank you for coming here when you didn’t even know us. Thank you for helping after we reacted the way we did. Your heart pulls you through the things you don’t expect to survive, and shines for others who think the same. Never forget that,” she praised. Dean had no clue what to say to that, and she could tell so she moved on, “Anyways let’s get going.”

Their day was a very busy one, people began showing up at the community area to help shortly after they heard about Deedee. Dean was sent to a specialty meat store to collect two pigs, two roos, and dozens of pounds of chicken. He stopped by a catering business to pick up towers of platters with various finger foods. He helped set up tables, helped prepare the pits for the meat, and helped make several market runs so the bereaved families would not have to worry about food during this difficult time. He found the people lived the word “community” in every sense. Many tribal members had come to support the efforts. They’d been told about the Americans involvement and approached him with gratitude and kindness. They’d obviously been told about his name because they addressed him as Wa’iam, he seemed to mind less and less.  Not because he was getting used to it, but because of the reverence in their voices when they spoke. It became clear that yes, on the surface the name was a little silly, but the deep admiration and respect underneath were very real. The tribe was curious about the Americans and asked where Castiel was. The only honest reply Dean could give was that he was working with Gilrad and Gus.

At 2:30 he was starting to go crazy without news of Cas. He had finished his last market run and was bringing in bags when Grace found him with a pained look on her face.  _ Oh God not Cas, no no don’t let there be something else wrong with him please. _

_ “ _ We’ve just received a call, Finlay took Nalo to Pindara two hours ago. He found him this morning in bed puffy and yellow so he rushed him in. They recognized right away he was in acute liver failure but upon further testing, well, they’re predicting complete systemic failure. With assistance, he’ll last maybe a few days.”

_ Holy Hell what is going on? That family has been through enough! _

“Grace I am so sorry, poor Finlay must be a mess, is someone with him? Is someone with the kids?”

“Yes we’ve sent someone over with his family, Kirra was concluding with the other business when she heard about Nalo and is staying with him. This is very serious, we aren’t sure how this is happening specifically but it's safe to say this witch is cursing us and if we don’t find a solution quickly then I’m afraid for all of us.”

“Yeah, you’re not kidding. This is..really really bad. Please let me know if I can help his family in any way.”

She nodded and grabbed a few bags from him. After he’d brought in the last one he received a call from Gilrad, finally.

“How is he? Is everything ok?” Dean asked as he braced for bad news.

“We’ve got him somewhat stable, he’s very tired and upset.”

“Why has he been needing sleep, why is even dreaming?”

“This isn’t something we’ve encountered before, we’re still looking for answers. He’s practicing Dadirri at the moment, so while he’s distracted I need to ask you something.”

“Ok, shoot.”

“We had kind of situation a little bit ago. Gus was outside and someone appeared to him claiming to know you.”

“Who?”

“He had a british accent, Gus was very rattled because he knew this man wasn’t human, said he had an awful face. But he handed Gus a rolled piece of parchment, said it would help the angel. It’s a spell, I have most of the ingredients, the rest he gave to Gus in a wooden box. He said he knew we’d call you to verify and when we did to remind you to give him a call. Is this someone you trust?”

_ Pfft! Yeah, about as far as I can throw him. _

_ “ _ For the most part, yes. His name is Crowley...he’s an associate of ours. King of the friends in low places I’ll say for now.His connections have proven useful in the past.”

“Alright, this spell will take quite a while to prepare and complete. In the meantime we’re working with him on the emotional part of what happened. He’s quite withdrawn, terrified of hurting you again, and confused about why you feel so guilty.”

_ “ _ How can I not? Ever since he met me his whole situation has been a slow descent back to Hell.”

“He doesn’t see it that way, it's painful for him when you are so very hard on yourself. You need to begin improving on this, sooner rather than later.”

“I’m trying, really I am.”

“We know, just keep it mind please.”

“Please call me with any news. And don’t tell Cas about the visit or that the spell came from Crowley...it’s just best not to.”

“If you insist.”

“I do. Thank you for helping him, it means a lot.”

“We’re glad to.”

Dean took a few minutes to digest the conversation.  _ Why the Hell would Crowley bother to help me? Why would he help Cas? Why is he helping these people? Obviously it’s self serving to a degree. He said he might be after the same thing, we need to find out what he knows. _

He dialed Crowley who picked up on the first ring. 

“Wa'iam, got my care package along with a truckload of concerned shaman I take it?”

“Yeah about that...what the Hell are you playing at exactly?”

“Ulterior motives, hidden agenda...take your pick. I’m all about transparency these days.  _ Dream boat _ needs to be up and at’em if you are going to catch this witch….tribe members succumbing to her wrath yet? Natives getting restless? You think she’ll stop at hunters? Not much time before there’s a complete breakdown of their leadership structure and then what?”

“Are you saying you know who this is?”

“I’m saying I strongly suspect but I cannot confirm without your intel, learned anything new?”

“There’s a song Cas heard and some of the other hunters too. He said it was pre-Sanskrit...a Dravidian language..Tamil. I took a picture of his translation.”

“Tamil is pre-Sanskrit only in regards to its origin on the timeline in evolution, but the Dravidian family is separate altogether from Tamil..which incidentally is still spoken today.”

“Yeah Cas knows this I’m sure, he was just sparing me the snoozeville details.”

“My, how considerate .”

Dean ignored that statement, “Here I’m sending you the picture, read it and let me know if it jogs your boring memory. Oh and another thing, there were markings carved into the hunter's chests, we’ll get those pictures back soon and Minjei was trying to say something before she died. They said she kept saying the words 'she’ and 'jimme’..it means feather or angel.”

“............................................................”

Dean could practically taste the silent sarcasm dripping through the phone. “Whatever..just look at the picture and call me back alright?”

“Tad busy at the moment, will get to it as quickly as I can,” he said, hellhounds barking and howling in the distance. “Not her you imbecile!” Crowley barked at someone, Dean heard the yelp of a hellbitch and him shouting in another language as he hung up.

_ May as well check on Jobeka while I’m at it.  _ He texted her about where they were taking Callum and what time to pick them up. She responded quickly and he set out to tell Grace.

“How far is Upper Coomera from here?”

“About twenty minutes or so, why?”

“Callums going to a Transitional Care Unit for a few weeks, I need to get the girls from there but want to stop in and check on Jonah first, do you mind if I leave for a bit? I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Of course, you’re a wonderful help. Thank you. Give the girls a hug from us please. We’ll see you soon.”

He drove over to check on Jonah, the elder was keeping himself busy with house chores Jobeka would resume when she arrived back home. He was more quiet than usual. It was very well due to all the news everyone had been hit with, perhaps the elders took it the hardest because they knew what was out there and in this case felt so helpless to stop it. Dean had noted since day one he was a frail looking man, but he had proven to be of strong mind and continued to remain as physically active as someone that age could. He quietly assured Dean he had everything he needed and he didn’t want to take up space in the Malibu in case Alison had any medical equipment to bring home. Certain the place was in good hands, he made a quick stop in town before heading to Upper Coomera.

He found the Brygon Creek Transitional Care Home easily enough, and brought with him a package tucked under his arm. Jobeka was still signing paperwork when he came through the front door. She remained cheerful as she left the counter to give him a big hug, but he could see in her eyes the wariness of someone in mourning.

“Dean, I’m so glad you found us alright. How’s everyone holding up back home?”

“I’ve not met any of the families yet but others have come. They’re shook but strong. The Sorry Business is _serious_ _business,_ our hunting community back home is similar, but not nearly as close knit. The people here are lucky to have such support when things go south like this.”

“We’re family, we’re all related...all connected. We went to Linda when Henry died, Kevin was different of course. If someone we know suffers, we all do. We cannot see it any other way. No doubt you’ve been tremendous help. Thank you so much for being here.

How are  _ you _ doing today?” she said, looking at him knowingly. 

_ She didn’t need to know about this.  _ He played her game and put on a small smile. “I’m ok. Never a dull moment with this I suppose.”

“Give him a little time. You are everything to each other, anyone with eyes can see it. He needs your support...for you to have faith and confidence in yourself right now more than anything.”

Dean nodded, “Working on it.”

“I’m finishing up his admissions, he’s just around the corner in room 3 with the girls...go on in and say hello.”

So he strolled off in search of a hopefully not in-a-pitching-kind-of-mood Callum and his girls. He found them in a sunny room, Shasta was sitting at the foot of his bed laughing about something. Callum sounded like he was in the middle of a hysterical fishing story. Alison sat in a chair by the window listening, she had a small smile on her face but Dean recognized the look in her eyes. She was struggling with something very serious below the surface and was trying desperately to keep her family from being worried.

“Dean! How are ya?” Callum bellowed.

“I’m alright Sir and you’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you. The car is doing great by the way, he’s in good hands.”

“Never doubted, never doubted. How’s home holding up eh?”

“They’re struggling, but rising to the occasion nonetheless. Alison, you look much better too. Glad I can get you home and comfortable today.”

She thanked him politely and quietly.

He turned to Callum and offered him the  package he brought in, “I have a little something here that’ll hopefully keep your eyes on the prize whenever you feel like biting your physical therapist in the next few weeks.”

“Eh? What’s this? You didn’t need to bring me anything boy,” he sounded a little irritated and touched at the same time.

“I think you’ll disagree when you open it.”

Callum opened the package held in a thin, brown wrapping tied with twine. He uncovered a blue pewter picture frame with two matted 5x7 pictures. The top one Dean had found on the fridge in their house. It was an old photo of a very young Jobeka sitting in the driver’s seat of Mal. She leaned against the window, her long hair spilling down her shoulders. She looked like she was crazy in love with whomever took the picture. The one below it was the photograph he’d rescued the day of the earthquake. In between the two photographs were two beautifully embossed words in cursive-  _ Clan Douglas. _ Both photos were copies and had been digitally cleaned, he had the originals safe in other frames as well. The store had done a really great job of clearing them up, the line between Shasta and Alison and Callum was only slightly visible. Callum sat there in silence for a few moments, his eyes welled with tears.

“I went back to your house that day, to make sure things were locked up or out of the sun. This picture had been picked up by the wind so I saved it, I don’t know if it had a big crease in it before or what but I knew you’d want to hold on to it. So…”

“Jo always fussed at me to put it in a frame, I just kept putting it off. You’ve brought all my girls back to me Dean. It means more than I can say. Thank you,” he reached to hug Dean after wiping some tears away. Dean turned to find Alison at his side giving him a hug too, then Shasta joined in. Dean's comfort levels with personal space were being fiercely tested but he was also happy he’d been able to make them more content on such a tragic day.

Suddenly Jobeka was in the room, “Good heavens what’s happened? Well if we’re hugging Dean for whatever reason let me in on the dog pile, one can never have too many!”

Dean thought this could be one of his silliest moments ever but just decided to enjoy it. Callum showed Jobeka the pictures and she was very touched, she faked nagged him with an “I told you so” about the picture and kissed him on the cheek.

“Get these girls home Dean, they need a break from my grump arce,” he said with a wink.

“Yes, Sir.”

They waved him goodbye and were back on the road home. The drive was quick, he asked Jobeka about Lyre birds and if she knew someone that could arrange the placement of tracking devices on as many birds as possible. She had an idea who to call and said she’d take care of it. They were all happy to be home, Jobeka made a quick phone call to the Lyre conservation society and got the ball rolling in that department. She was anxious to be helping out and quickly unpacked and headed out. Shasta needed to check in with her grandmother and asked if Dean would stay with Alison for just an hour or so until she got back.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Alison grumbled, “Dean you’re welcome to stay and  _ visit  _ with me, but I’m not an invalid. Or if you’ve other things you need to do I promise you both I’ll be fine,” she assured them as she plopped on the couch.

Dean knew something was up with her so he took the opportunity to stay. “I’m cool here for a bit, I want to know more about the forest. You’ve got incredible knowledge about it, maybe there’s something we’ve missed.”

“I promise to make your favorite pizza for dinner when I get back,” Shasta said and kissed Alison on the head before taking off.

“Grab a beer if you want, I’ll have some lemon tea,” she hollered to Dean who was roaming toward the kitchen. He brought her back a big cup full while he opened a Four ex and sat down too.

“Oh I’m sorry, can you get the small purple cup in the cabinet, I’m supposed to be measuring my fluid intake, can’t go above 55 ounces a day and that cup is an even 8 ounces. I can measure easily with it. The cabinet just above the stove.” Dean hopped up and grabbed it for her.

“Thank you, what do you want to know about the forest?”

“Where a witch would hide. Cas caught the Yara, read it's mind. He said he could see she was in some place dark, it smelled wet and earthy. The Yara didn’t like it at all but was drawn to the witches voice. She’d need room to keep things, like for spells and stuff.”

“That’s a good question….the trees are dark except for night, they do smell gross up in the branches but getting that high is totally unrealistic. There are some crevasses that are pretty wide and even one or two that lead to caves but they’re extremely hard to get to, it requires a license and a guide. Even the Yara would find it really difficult to get in and out of there. We are aware of some honeycomb like pockets under Mt. Tamborine thanks to a recent sweep by ground penetrating radar. But I really don’t see how someone could even find entrance into them. I’ll need to think on this a little more, I’ll do my best though.”

“I’d appreciate that. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, managing.”

Dean gave her that look of his...when he raised his head slightly and squinted his eyes that said, “You sure about that?”

“What am I supposed to say? Things are a shit storm right now. Daddy Chupacabra is gonna need help for months, Mom will have her hands full with that. Shasta has two jobs and worries about her grandma. They do not need my sick butt depending on them for anything.”

“You know that’s total crap right? I know you’re strong and independent. All of you are, but part of being in a family is not only knowing they’ll have your back even when they’re busy, but  _ letting them.  _ It’s a hard concept to hold on to, believe me...I know. But wouldn't you do the same for them?”

“Of course I would, I just hate being a drain, not pulling my weight. My parents are older, this is going to be really hard on them.”

“No doubt it will be, but that’s life. From what I understand you and Shasta do more than your share around here for your parents and others too. So maybe you need to allow the playing field to even on it’s own by letting others do what’s in their hearts to do. Community isn’t a one way street.”

“I know, it’s just really hard to get hit with this out of nowhere. We try really hard to be healthy, Shasta and I eat well, we are always out hiking or running or biking. There’s so much I can’t do right now, and so many instructions. And the clinic….”

“I really don’t know much about that part, I’m sorry.”

“Have you heard what they have to do to my arm? This neck thing is temporary. They’re gonna go in and reroute my vein and artery so that they can put huge, long needles in three times a week. They’ll pull my blood out of my body slowly and it’ll go through this thing...it...back in California some mexican restaurants have this damn machine that spins this Horchata juice drink around constantly and it reminds me of that! They put chemicals in my blood and then they slowly put it back in my body it just looks confusing and gross and I can’t stand the thought of sitting there for hours each week like that! If I didn’t have Shasta, if I didn’t have this family I wouldn't, I straight up would not go. I’d rather lose all my hair, lose my boobs to cancer and chemo and get fake ones than have to go through this crap. It’s like I get the one illness which treatment is what I’m most frightened of. Then there’s the waiting. We’re catching up here but it’s not like in the U.S., there’s not a lot of organ donor awareness here. I could be chained to the damn machine for years. I could die waiting for a kidney. I don’t want this, not for myself and not for my family.” Dean could see she was shaking, he sat next to her and gave her a hug.

“It’s strange how we can go through life seeing the most incredible things, the worst monsters...and the seemingly smallest, most mundane things are what gets us the most. For you it's needles and your name on a list, for me it's airplanes. It makes no sense we can fight the evil in the world that exists but ordinary things can be what terrifies us. But what if Shasta was in your shoes, what if she had to face this and she was just as scared. What would you want her to do?”

“Tell me how she feels.”

“Why?”

“I can’t understand or help her if I don’t know what she’s feeling.”

“Then when she comes back I think that’s exactly what you should do. Give her the chance to help you. You can learn about this situation together. She’s got a pretty fierce nurture streak, I think she’ll be amazing with this. Not everyone has a girlfriend who would go to the lengths she has to care for you in all the ways she has. Plus she’s now learning to tailor it specifically to you. Something tells me she thrives on this and if you don’t allow it, she’ll be hurt.”

Alison took a deep breath and a few sips of her drink, “Alright.”

“What’s good on tv at this time?”

“Let’s find out,” she said sleepily as she grabbed the remote, turned it on, and handed it over to him.

He flipped through the channels and found a travel show all about American desserts.  _ What luck! Wonder if they’ll have pie….. _

Shasta came in a while later, Alison had fallen asleep on Dean's arm and he was drooling over the State Fair foods...Shasta watched in fascination as they featured deep fried Twinkies and Snickers candy bars.

“They really make those?”

“Oh yeah...they taste like heaven on a stick but yer stomach will scream at you later for it, believe me. I need to get back, are you both good here? Need me to run to the store?”

“Nah I grabbed a few things on my way home but thanks. I really appreciate you staying with her. She needed some cheering up.”

“Well, I aim to please.”

“I hope you’re able to learn what you can to end this woman. You’ve already been so helpful.”

“I want to catch her too, it’s going to be tough but we’re getting clues and puzzles pieces which I hope will all make sense very soon.”

“Take care, Dean. Please tell Castiel hello from us.” She hugged him and he left for the community area.

When he arrived Alden approached him, the man was full of burden and exhausted. Yet he still had warm words for Dean. “How are you friend?”

“I’m doing ok, how are  _ you?  _ Is there anything I can help with for tonight?”

“You and Castiel continue to do so much. You barely knew them, but you hunted and fought here. You and Castiel know what a loss this is, you understand when many would not. Please honor us, stay here for our ritual and mourn with us as part of our community, if you will.”

This was huge. Dean knew exactly how hesitant they were to let outsiders get even a glimpse of day to day life here, let alone their war on evil. During his time here he’d caught glimpses of newspaper headlines and articles, news programs speaking about struggles the First People had to fit in with other cultures that had long ago forced themselves upon their land. It was indeed very much like the Native Americans back home. Still a divide, still a fight for equality and representation. For Alden to speak for the people, especially when their first meeting had gone so badly because of what Dean was, and invite him to partake in this ritual was a very, very big deal.

“Of course, I think I’m the one who’s honored. Castiel will...be here if he can. But thank you, yes I’ll be here tonight.”

“I understand, hopefully he’s feeling better soon.”

“Me too. Will Arri be here tonight?”

“Absolutely, he must.”

“Ok, thank you.”

“I’d like you to get rest. We have enough help at the moment, why don’t you go back to the cottage for an hour or two. But come back with an empty stomach, we tend to cry and eat a lot.”

“I appreciate the heads up.”

Alden walked away surveying the area, so many directions to go all at once. Dean vaguely wondered how a man prepared himself for a role such as the one Alden had. The man was full to the brim with emotion. He felt so much responsibility and love for his people, it looked like he could sit and cry a river of tears for those who had been lost over the last few months, but he held it back with dutiful stoicism so he could be the rock his people needed right now.

Dean meandered through the door of the cottage exhausted. The day had been so very long, it felt like whenever they’d get their head just above water another wave hit. He took his clothes off and headed for the shower. He got to the top of the stairs before noticing the carpet in the bedroom had been pulled up, the hardwood floor had been polished, the stove and wardrobe had been replaced, and the wall was patched up for now, but needing a coat of paint. It blew him away how generous the tribe was. He had been wondering how he would explain such a charge on Linda’s card, but it seemed maybe somebody had pulled some strings, had a few extra pieces of furniture in storage from the original bulk purchases that were made. He made a note to graciously thank Gilrad and Gus for that help. He stumbled into the shower and stood there under the spray, he missed Cas so very much. The ache in his chest was almost too much to take.  _ Will he let himself back in my life? Or is this it? I can understand how he feels, because I almost killed him too. It made me sick for months remembering what he looked like. Please Cas, be willing to give us another chance. _

He finished his shower and dithered over what to wear. He got the sense this wasn’t a formal group and the situation was so sudden he doubted many would be worrying too much about the latest fashion trends. Yet he wanted to show the proper amount of respect the occasion dictated. He opted for his standard boots, blue jeans, and a fitted grey short sleeve military shirt with black and brown patterns. He’d already done Dadirri, he was too high strung to even attempt a nap. He remembered his Gilgamesh book so he lay across the bed and got lost in a quest for immortality.

An hour later he decided he should head back over. Arriving hungry wouldn't be a problem, he hadn’t eaten since breakfast which was before 7am.

He pulled into the parking area which was normally empty or near empty. There were so many cars parked that he had to find somewhere else and walk about half a mile to where the pavement ended and the tribal homes began. He could hear the rhythm of funeral drums and the smell of fire pit roasted meat wafted in the cool evening breeze. The sun had begun setting, the sky was an amazing orange with slivers of purples and reds.

Dean wound his way around the homes to the open area where he finally understood why it was so big. Hundreds of people had gathered and more were coming every minute. He felt very out of place and scanned the crowds for any familiar faces. The smell of food called him and he thought perhaps there would be someone he knew by the community building. As he carefully pushed through the crowd he could see three massive funeral pyres in the center of the open area. All four sections of the area were lined with men wearing black shorts made from a sturdy material wrapped around them. They each were covered in a powder which was in sharp contrast to their jet black skin. Each were sitting with their legs crossed, hitting hollow sticks together in unison to a rhythm that was likely thousands of years old. Drums were played vigorously in the four corners by men wearing the same black shorts. Near the pyres a few men wearing yellow wrappings danced and skirted along the ground in random,  predatory motions, some tossing dirt or dust in various directions. The people that were gathered around to watch the display were chanting in the dialect. This chanting sounded almost jovial, however the faces participating were anything but. Tears flowed freely from men, women, and children alike. Dean got the sense the evening was only warming up. He’d never been comfortable with any grandiose public displays of emotion, but tonight he decided to shove himself out of his personal comfort zone. Borobi, Minjei, and Deedee were skilled and devoted to their people, he would push any personal discomfort deep down to properly mourn and honor them. A little dose of culture would serve him well.

He continued on to the meat pits, Bob and Julim were handing out huge platefuls of food.

“Wa’iam Jingeri, how are you?”

“I’m ok, how are you guys holding up?”

“Been better. It helps having hundreds of family members though,” Bob replied wistfully.

“I can see, it’s an interesting ritual. Sorry it's necessary.”

Julim nodded her head, “Will you eat with us tonight?”

“Sure, it looks good thanks,” he said as he took a heavy plate. “Have you seen Grace?”

“She’s inside making drinks with Jobeka, she’ll be happy you're here. Been asking if we’ve seen you.”

“I’ll go check in then, thanks.” He took a few bites of the meat, it must have been a roo because it's flavor was very gamey but not unpleasant. He wandered into the building, many people were inside but he got to the kitchen easy enough. Word must have spread fast of the American hunters because only a rare, inquisitive look was made in his direction both outside and in, so far. Dean heard Jobeka before he could see her in the ocean of women busying themselves in swarms.

“Aha! Jingeri, you’re here and you look as though you’ve rested some. How are you finding everything?” she said as she moved gracefully through the throngs to hug him.

“Slightly more elaborate than back home. But it’s very educational. I feel honored to mourn with such exceptional people. Is it expected or appropriate for me to offer condolences to the families at some point?”

“It’s not, but you aren’t the exception. Part of our custom is that bereaved families do not speak…. to other tribal members, sometimes even each other for a period of time. We appreciate you asking, your respectful condolences will be passed on to them at the time the silence has been lifted and they’ll be well received. How is the food?”

“The pork and chicken are great, this stuff here is gamey, but still delicious.”

“That’ll be the roo, I’d advise some veggies with that, it can sit quite heavy in the tummy if you catch my drift. You need something to drink, what would you like?”

“Just some water or iced tea if you have it?”

“Tea will be ready in about twenty minutes, here’s some bottled water. I suppose you're feeling like a fish out of water right about now…”

“A little, yeah.”  _ Wish Cas was here. _

Grace spotted him and her eyes lit up a bit. She began navigating through the crowd and upon reaching him, she placed a key in his hand, hugged him, and said in his ear, “Kubun, go.”

He stepped back and looked in her eyes, she nodded.

“Can you put this in the fridge for me, promise I’ll finish it...I just….”

“Just  _ go,”  _ she smiled.

He handed her his plate and did his best to carefully maneuver out of the crowded building without bumping into anyone very hard, even though he felt like blasting them aside like bowling pins to get outside. Once the doors were open he had a little more room to dart through the groups of people milling around. He opted not to run even though he desperately wanted to, it would bring unnecessary attention to someone already out of place at an extremely somber event. He walked briskly through the homes to the path which wound up the hill towards the quiet little cottages. Dean found his heart pounding, thundering in his chest. He was so incredibly nervous, he suddenly felt ill. His skin was tingling, his mouth went dry like a desert, and his palms got all clammy.  _ What if he’s mad at me...even if for just feeling guilty? What if he’s done with me for good? God I wouldn't blame him. Or what if it’s the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” thing...not sure I could handle that. Chill out, be cool, yer gonna make yourself sick. Be cool, be cool. _

Cas sat in the little cottage, his stomach felt strange and his heart was beating fast. He wasn’t used to this sensation and it bothered him.  _ What am I supposed to say to Dean? Sorry I almost killed you. Again? That sounds too blunt and insincere. He’s probably going to be afraid of me, he already feels guilty...it’s hurt so bad all day. Oh no, I can hear him coming! I feel sort of like I did on the airplane…. _ He heard Dean approaching, he could feels his nerves too and still his guilt. He heard the key in the door and his heart fluttered. The doorknob turned and his heart skipped a beat. Dean walked through and when Cas took him in he thought heaven had instantaneously merged with terra firma.  _ Oh he’s so perfect and beautiful! I missed him so much, I’m so sorry Dean! Am I crying? Don’t cry, don’t you dare it’ll make things so much worse! Don’t even start. _

Dean stepped in the cottage and found Cas sitting on the couch as far away from the door as he could. He was hunched over, hands folded in his lap and his eyes were unreadable. Dean thought he looked so small sitting like that. Gilrad had obviously stopped by their place to grab him some clothes because he had on light blue jeans and a navy polo shirt with a gray collar that would make his eyes pop even in the dark. It took everything in him not to rush over and throw his arms around Cas. Instead he opted to sit at the other end of the couch. They were each silent for a few seconds, then Dean couldn't resist and without even thinking he reached his hand out. He only meant to hold Cas’s hand, but his angel flinched and recoiled from him. It startled him and hurt worse than he ever imagined was possible. Cas took a deep breath and held himself as if in complete misery.

“I...don’t know what to say to you Dean. There aren’t words for what I’m feeling right now. I can’t..put it..”

Dean could see the struggle, knew how hard this was for him. He recalled what Grace said about choosing his words carefully, and that whatever Cas was feeling was right, correct, and valid even if it made no sense to him or anyone else.

“You don’t have to, not right now. I’m here and I’ll listen when you're ready. Don’t know about you but I’m not going anywhere. Not ever.”

He looked at Dean with a bit of surprise, there was so much emotion in his face. It pulled at his heart strings to see Cas trying to identify what he was feeling and searching for words to it all. It was adorable and heartbreaking all at once.  

“Cas, I’m sorry you’re hurting so much right now. Wish we could change that. Not trying to be a smartass but this ain’t the first time you’ve used me as a punching bag. My life is spent surrounded by things that try to kill me, if I thought that little of you we would’ve parted ways a long time ago. You’ve suffered so much the last ten years...so sorry, for all of it.”

“It’s been worth it, every last second. And all of it was my choice, one I’d make repeatedly. But nothing can excuse what I did, what almost happened.”

“I know. Honestly I’d feel no different if the situation were reversed. Nobody could tell me it's ok and just wipe it off the table. So I get it. But we need to stay together right now and solve whatever this problem is with your grace, not push away. Didn’t notice it until we got together or a little before actually. Maybe it's an emotional side effect of us having a relationship. If this is the case, then we both need to learn how to manage it. Otherwise all I see is us alone and hurt, it makes me sick to even think about.”

“You’d be willing to stick with me, even if I go off again at any time? I could really kill you Dean! Do you have any idea what that would do to Sam? To your mother?”

“I know what it  _ did _ to Sam. He hit a dog, got it treated, and walked out of the Vet with a shepherd and a girlfriend. He hurt of course, but he made an honest to God effort at something normal. Eventually this is bound to happen, permanently. Mom, she’s making her own life. Kinda made it clear she’d rather be out with..well anyone but us I guess. I know she cares it’s just, well anyways in this line of work I’m gonna be taken out by something eventually.”

“That right there is what I’m not ok with! You’ve given your life, more than once for this world. Why don’t you fight for what you want! You don’t want to die by a demon, or a vampire, or a woman in white! So why is it 'ok' to die by my hands? Can you not fathom how I'd feel after that? Do my feelings about it not matter to you?”

“Ok that’s not what I meant,”  _ shit this is going downhill quick. _

“I know you think you deserve it. When will you realize how much you mean to those around you. When will you accept the magnitude of  _ our _ loss when you die, permanently? You’re not only minimizing your own self worth when you do that, you’re criticizing the choices of the people who love you. You’re saying that the choices we make to value you, keep your company, love you, and feel the devastation of your absence are not worth anything and therefore we aren’t either!  _ When _ are you going to understand how much it hurts Sam when you speak with this attitude? When will you learn how much it  _ pains me _ even when you just have these thoughts! Dean everyone has done things they’d give anything to go back and right, but if you keep fighting against the bad in this world and you continue to save people there isn't a power in the universe who could deny you redemption! I don’t accept it. I don’t accept your lack of self worth. But I guess nobody can make you see what you don’t  _ want to see!”  _ he hollered as he got up from the couch.

_ “ _ Dammit Cas I’m trying!” Dean barked as he flew up too, terrified Cas might try to leave. “Yes I was skeptical at first but I tried it because you're everything to me. I feel something different inside, it's small but it's there. I have done  _ everything  _ you have asked, what Grace has asked, and I haven’t half-assed it either! This isn’t going to happen overnight! You told me recently...you said ‘despite our discontent with a current situation, if we remain firm and do what is right then a change will come, it will happen, there will be more peaceful times ahead’.”

“That was about a song!”

“Does it make it any less true? If I’m giving the Dadirri %100 effort no matter how woodsy hippie dippie this stuff seems and _me_ of all people am telling you that I feel a difference, that I will keep trying for us, for myself...are you just gonna consider me a lost cause cuz I have my down moments still?”

“No, it just hurts so bad when you don’t value yourself!”

“I’m trying. But it’s not going to be easy or quick. Have faith in me...even when I don’t have faith in myself. I’m asking you to do this, because I promise to do the same for you. We need it and we  _ deserve  _ it.”

Cas felt it, finally the glimmer of acceptance from Dean and that he meant every word he said. They stared at each other and then Cas flew into Dean's arms and buried his head in his human's neck.

“I’m so sorry Dean, I can’t guarantee what's going to happen, maybe it’ll go back to normal, maybe we can fix it by practicing the Dadirri I don’t know, but I never wanted to hurt you. Please know that, please forgive me!”

“Of course I do. I know you never meant to and I’m sorry for whatever you saw when you woke up, for how you felt. Oh God I missed you!” and just like that Dean's lips were on his angels, crushing them to his own. Cas’s hands held Dean's face and he kissed him back just as hard. The current jolted them each harshly. Cas’s fingers traced along Dean's lips, his human laughed in a deep tone, “Glad that’s one thing that hasn’t changed.” They pulled back together like magnets, Cas’s hands went straight for Dean’s ass and Dean's went straight for the hair. Within seconds they were both breathless and desperate for each other. Dean pulled Cas up around his hips and set him down on the kitchen counter, tugging the angels legs to wrap around his waist. Cas was grabbing at Dean's zipper, once his jeans were undone he reached around and slid his hands down the back to grab handfuls of his favorite human. Dean's hands simply would not leave that hair alone. He knew Cas had fixed it, but he didn’t care, he’d help him straighten it out later... _ later..wait, wait..what are we doing? We can’t do this right now. Not here, not during this time. It’s not ok. Dammit I don’t want to stop. _

Dean groaned, “Cas...Cas...we gotta stop. Sorry, we shouldn't be doing this here. It doesn’t feel right. Alden invited us...all I want to do is rip off your clothes and be naked with you all night long but we need to get back out there. We owe Borobi Minjei, and Deedee and proper goodbye.”

Cas looked at Dean like he would cry, it just slayed him. So he tugged the collar of Cas’s shirt aside and kissed the skin of his collarbone and sucked a bruise there. Then he kissed Cas long and deep with lazy sweeps of his tongue and whispered, “mine”. Cas smiled, grabbed a handful of  _ not  _ Dean's ass and growled, “mine” complete with glowing blue eyes...which almost made his knees buckle and drop him to the floor. “Old Zoolie you” he chuckled and kiss his nose. Pressing their foreheads together Dean whispered, “later”, and Cas nodded. They straightened themselves up, Dean helped fix his hair...but not too much. As they walked out of the cottage the stunning array of stars hit them full force. Even Cas felt how small they were in comparison to a universe that was bigger and held more mysteries than Dean could ever imagine. They meandered down the path to the proceedings. The drums were still going, the food was still cooking, and the people were still chanting with incredible emotion. When they got closer to the mass of people who had gathered around the community area, Dean laced his fingers in with Cas’s. He pulled him to the front of the community building and through the doors. Jobeka happened to be right there handing out drinks and saw them.

“Ah you two, come here” she sighed and hugged them both, “come get your food, it’s over here.” She handed Dean his plate and asked Cas if he’d like a drink, which he politely declined.  

“The sun has fully set, the families can come at anytime. If you’d like to see the ritual perhaps find a comfortable spot outside. This can go on for many days but the aspects you’ll find of interest will happen tonight. Please ask if you have any questions.”

“Thanks Jobeka we will,” Dean promised. They headed out and eventually found a spot on the opposite side of the open area. Many, many chairs had been set out so they found two, a few people were bouncing and chanting in front of them but weren’t blocking the view. The rhythm of the drums went on and became comforting in a strange way, their synchronicity was symbolic of the People banding together and pushing forward through trying times. Dean picked at his food, it was very good and he noticed a very beautiful hand taking pieces of roo off his plate every once in awhile.  _ This is so cute, why doesn’t he ask if I’ll get him a plate? I don’t mind sharing, it’s just funny. I’m glad he’s here, it feels so much better having him close. _

The drums started changing their pace, and Dean saw more drums had been brought out, it was a much deeper and more full sound. He heard a Didgeridoo from somewhere, it was faint so perhaps it was meant as an undertone in this ritual. The vibe had changed all around them, it was in the air..more sorrowful and very raw. He noticed women around the area emerging, they wore long black skirts and white shirts with ¾ sleeves, some wore small wreaths in their hair. They held loose branches with long green leaves and swatted them side to side as they danced and chanted. The men with the black wrapped shorts came back with oil lanterns and placed a few near the pyres, but not too near. The drums got louder, the emotional climate was elevating. Dean was at a loss for words, the anticipation was swelling. Something was coming, or  _ someone.  _ Moments later he could see a large group arriving, dancing in a cluster. Just before they set foot in the open area they broke off into three sections, each moving toward a different pyre. Men wearing the same wrapping but in bright red were approaching, they had white powder and paint all over their bodies, some wore yellow and white beads around their necks. More women came behind them wearing black dresses which resembled sarongs with intricate yellow and white polka dots forming a straight line down the front. They danced and swatted their branches from side to side as well. Behind the women, children of various ages were dressed in the same garb as the adults, many danced behind them, those that were too young had hollow sticks they hit together in time with the drums. Nearly every man, woman, and child were crying.

A second wave of men in red shorts approached, they were carrying the bodies of Minjei, Bobori, and Deedee. Each group split off towards a pyre, Dean understood each of the three groups were comprised of the entire family left behind by the deceased hunter. The women chanting and swatting the branches slowly began collecting around each body that was carefully carried to their respective pyre. They started to wail and bow when in close proximity to the bodies, which Dean could now tell were wrapped with incredible care in death shrouds. The men in black shorts had brought steps out, three for each side of the pyres. The men in red who carried the bodies lifted them high above their heads and one by one took the steps so each of them could support the weight and lay the deceased gently on the pyre. The men cried but did not wail, it seemed this was reserved for the women. They placed their hands on the bodies and bowed repeatedly, letting tears flow. Minutes later they stepped down and allowed women carrying various items up the steps to place beside the bodies.

Cas leaned over and explained, “They take the deceased’s worldly items to burn with them.”

“Ah, I’ve heard of that custom before.”

“This is quite mild. Some First Peoples tribes place the body on the pyre without the flame. They wait weeks for the body to decay in the sun and then take the bones, paint them ocre, and they will display them or carry the remains around with them.”

Dean face was frozen in a very uncomfortable expression, “Still need to work on that fact filter of yours I guess.”

“That’s nothing, some Egyptian funerals consisted of eating the dead after they’d essentially been barbequed over-”

“Cas! Sometimes less is more buddy.  I’d like to finish my own barbecue without likening it to...ugh crap too late, I’m done. It’s all yours.” He wanted to spit out what he had in his mouth but feared that could offend anyone who happened to be watching them, this was the  _ last _ place he needed that to happen.

Cas dug right in with zero issue and continued to watch the proceedings with unchecked curiosity. Family members took turns placing items next to their dearly departed. Even the little children were brought up to lay something of importance next to their beloved aunty or uncle, and as they did so they cried. It pulled at Cas’s heart. Dean was very near tears himself, it brought back difficult memories. He’d cremated several hunters and friends over the years, it never did get any easier. Seeing these children though...he knew death was a part of life and something everyone needed to be aware of. But the genuine, soul crushing sorrow these children felt at the loss of their beloved family members stoked the fires of rage in him. He wanted to go to these children and hug them all, tell them there weren’t monsters in this world. Every child had a right to grow up feeling safe and secure, he was damn well going to do his part to make that happen for as many children as possible no matter what continent he happened to be on.

Several chants and songs were sung, all accompanied by dancing or movement of some kind. Late into the night Alden approached the open area, he addressed his people wearing the customary red wrapping, powder and paint, he also had unique designs placed on his black skin. His hair was combed out, more poofy than usual and he wore some kind of wreath, it was more simple than the others but distinct in it's design. He spoke in the dialect, the tone was full of heartache, but there was also a strength behind it. It was the strength of his family, his community, his duty to them as he remained a firm beacon in a time of doubt and fear. The man had great power and influence, yet he publically humbled himself to mourn with his people as an equal. Dean understood very little, only a few words that he’d picked up from his time there.

Cas leaned over and briefly explained, “He speaks of Dreamtime, when the earth and all its inhabitants were created. Guardian spirits watched over them, guiding them. Their connection to the earth grew and they dreamed, the order of things and the relationships formed with each other evolved for a need to protect those that could not protect themselves. The Rainbow Serpent appeared less frequently as the bond between human and guardian spirits strengthened. They protected the land together and there was harmony. Other humans from far away lands came, they shared their views and the First Peoples shared theirs. A beautiful blend occurred and harmony continued. The history of the People has had it’s ups and downs, strife arose among the People and even among the Guardian spirits. There was a break for a time, relationships were mended but ever since, the Guardians chose to withdraw and witness. They still witness and watch.”

Alden began speaking in english now, a prayer:

_ Father our Creator, of all our Aboriginal nations. You have lived among us since time immemorial. We have always known you. Tonight we are coming together again on one of our battlegrounds to cry out to You for mercy and justice for Your children, our warriors, for their families. We sometimes feel overwhelmed by these things. Our love is strong and our sorrow is great, it is difficult to say goodbye to our family. We give You back the children You blessed us with for a time. They were lights in a darkness that never sleeps. We pray you accept our brother Kunmanara Bunji, our sisters Kunmanara Yindi and Kunmanara Jiemba. Please ease and guide their journey to the sky world. We pray your Spirit will continue to help and encourage us to grow strong hunters and leaders of our people so we may defend our communities and our nation against those that would oppose your purpose for us. Please hear our cries for justice. _

The men in black shorts lit the oil lanterns and placed them so the pyres would light. The Didgeridoo played again, it was a quick sound...almost as if to startle the people into dance. It played in low tones and the rhythm was nearly enough to get even Dean moving. Then another type of instrument could be heard above this deep one. Acoustic guitars were joining in but had a different rhythm that still complimented the Didgeridoo...it was familiar. Dean knew the pattern, the tune. Just before he could put a name to it Arri stepped out from a corner Dean had not seen him in. He was also dressed in the customary fashion with paint and powder. His voice was loud, much louder than Dean would have ever guessed. As the words floated out of Arri’s mouth Dean was shocked, the voice was not that of a serious, downtrodden officer but that of a man gifted with the ability to sing right alongside Luciano Pavarotti if he so wished. It was this, the words from a song he knew that was full of hope for the future from a man who currently had the weight of the world on his shoulders that moved Dean to tears. Yet, Arri stuffed his worry and weariness down to deliver a precious goodbye for his friends. Tears fell down Dean’s face as he listened to the most beautiful, very much Australian version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” After the first few lines the People joined in with enthusiastic passion. They cried from the depths of their souls, but also smiled. They hugged each other, and cheered loudly when the pyres were fully engulfed as a gesture of acceptance that their friends, who would be missed beyond measure, were now well on their journey to the afterlife. Feeling others around them, Dean looked to find Grace standing next to him,Jobeka and Gilrad were next to Cas. They sang and put their arms around their American friends, an acknowledgment of inclusion and shared mourning. Dean noticed the weight of Cas’s head on his shoulder, so he rested his own against his angels. This was one of life’s experiences, one of those moments that stay with you forever. Dean was grateful to have met such exceptional people he counted as friends. The reason was clear why Linda came back summer after summer with Kevin, so he would know what Bobby had taught he and Sam. Family don’t end in blood.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prayer Alden offers in the funeral ritual is one I adapted from The Redfern Prayer written by Pastor Ray Minniecon in 2009
> 
> www.CreativeSpirits.info,  
> Aboriginal culture - Spirituality - Redfern prayer, retrieved 1 October 2017
> 
> Source: https://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/spirituality/redfern-prayer#ixzz4uAtMWAes


	19. Chapter 19

After Arri stopped singing, the Didgeridoo and drums rolled right into another traditional piece. Many people continued dancing and chanting. Dean remembered that the rituals could continue on for days. He felt the day's stress and sorrow settle in and he fought off a yawn. He needed some information from Arri, but since Jobeka, Grace, and Gilrad were there he decided to take advantage and ask them a few questions as well. 

Turning to Grace he wondered, “Has Alden narrowed down any of the lore which could give us clues on who this witch woman could be?”

Gilrad spoke up, “Most women in our myths are deities, very respected, so we are hesitant to invoke their wrath by even suspecting. He’s been calling other tribes in Queensland to hear variations on the Seven Sisters story, the myth of our Jirun, the group of stars that is the Pleiades constellation.. to see if they have any variations that would illuminate us. It’s a common legend among all First Peoples tribes.”

“What is the legend?”

“Wardilyka was a man in love with seven sisters, he spends his nights chasing them across the night sky hoping to catch one for a wife. Jakamarra is the Morning Star, he too is in love with the sisters but as he is from a different skin group he is prohibited from marrying them. He chases the group, keeping a watchful eye that Wardilyka does not harm them and waits until nights last shadow before resting for another nights chase.”

“So it could be one of these sisters maybe?”

Before they could answer Cas asked Grace, “Are you sure it’s not 8 sisters?”

“That’s one of the constants throughout the storytelling across our nation. It’s the story of the Seven Sisters,” she reassured him, with a curious look in her eye.

“When I was combing through lore with Alden, before and after the storm, we found very old pages that described this same story but with eight sisters, and one of them did marry.”

“We need to speak about this with Alden,” Jobeka stated.

They all began walking towards the community building, the activity looked like it was nowhere close to dying down anytime soon. Dean suspected it would go straight through the night. On their way to Alden they were stopped by Arri.

“Jingeri, how are you?”

“We’re ok, you’ve got an awesome voice man, that was a joy to hear,” Dean complimented.

“Thank you very much. I have some photos from this morning to show you of the markings on Kunmanara Bunji and Yindi. I hope Castiel can interpret them more quickly than the lab. I was on my way to see Alden, may I show you inside?”

“Yes we were about to do the same,” Jobeka responded.

They all made their way in the building and found Alden sitting on a couch speaking with a few people. Arri signaled him and he held a finger to indicate he’d conclude momentarily. They sat down in the same large room at the table used to present or speak to the council. Arri had a file with him which he lay down, he warned all of them before opening it, “This was bad. I’ve seen things in my career but rarely crimes carried out with such rage. I show you this as a means to help eliminate the terror in our community. It’s forbidden to display photographs of any kind of our deceased, unless an investigation is involved. But know now, these photographs are upsetting.”

Everyone nodded and braced themselves while Arri opened the file, then looked around to make sure nobody would stroll up to the table unawares. He laid out the pictures and everyone covered their mouths. Jobeka immediately turned away and Gilrad placed a comforting arm around her. Bobori and Minjei had been brutally attacked. Not even Dean could imagine the weapon responsible.  _ A machete wrapped with barbed wire hacking repeatedly would do far less damage. How poor Minjei was able to even speak...maybe the witch missed her arteries on purpose. _ Oddly though their chests had been spared save the strange carvings. Each body bore a different symbol or writing.

“They’re pictographs, Tamil. It's a warning or threat. On his chest reads 'Mere Krodh se’ and on hers 'savdhaan Rehna’. It means ‘Beware my wrath,’” Cas informed them.

“These pictures say that threat is pretty damn valid. Any news on Nalo?” Dean asked.

“He’s on life support, Finlay’s holding out for a miracle but it doesn’t look like there’s much hope. Kirra elected to be with him tonight,” Gilrad explained.

Alden came over, he looked very tired under all the paint and powder. “What can I do for you all?”

“We have a question about some lore in which some of our archives may indicate a few inconsistencies,” Grace responded.

“Alright let’s go down the hall,” he invited them and gestured in the direction he wished to take.

They went into the room Dean usually had his meetings in with Grace. “We do have archives the museum was trying to sort through due to inconsistencies in previous records. They discovered documents containing stories and accounts from various time periods when our attitudes were not something to be proud of. I had given permission to the museum to begin digitizing them,  planning at some point to bring them to light, in hopes we’d never repeat those mistakes. I’m not sure if this matches what you’re referring to, but I wanted it out anyways.”

Jobeka explained the discrepancy in the Seven Sisters story and asked him if it sounded familiar.

“Castiel you and I had just started going through that account before the storm really kicked up right?” Alden asked.

“Yes, I felt it best we pause for the weather and upon our return, we both became distracted by some genealogy records. But there was definitely mention of an eighth sister,” Castiel recalled.

“Well is there anyone in the council who would maybe be the keeper of these discrepancies...or at least have specific knowledge of them? Secrets are juicy and don’t die easily, if at all” Dean issued.

Alden got a concentrated look in his eyes, looked at Jobeka, and within a few seconds gave a name, “Jonah.”

“I’ll get him,” Gilrad said, and he darted out of the room. 

For the estimated ten minutes it took to collect Jobeka’s aged father the occupants of the room sat in silence, traumatized from the day and now the photographs were just too much. It was a blessing Bobori had passed quickly, and a testament to Minjei’s strength and spirit she fought as long as she had to convey a couple of vital words. No one deserved to suffer like they had.

Gilrad returned with an exhausted looking Jonah, Dean seemed to notice the already frail man was somehow thinner than when they first arrived. A chair was brought for him, he sat...and appeared quite nervous. Alden laid out why he had been summoned from such an event. Jonah sat there for what seemed like an eternity in silence.

“Biung? What is this silence? If you know something, even something small it could still help us,” Jobeka implored. There was more silence.

“Biung!”

“Jonah, what is this? I order you to tell us if you know something. Tell us now, or Nalo and others will die, is this what you want?”

Jonah was trying to hold out but he finally caved, “Only one is told in a lifetime to keep the secret. Nothing ever happened, not for thousands and thousands of years. It seemed unlikely anything would, and when the Yara’s began taking people it didn’t fit, it didn't line up with what I was told.”

“Told what?!” Alden asked, emotions beginning to show.

“Of what happened eons ago, of what could happen.”

“This is not the time, nor the place to be withholding valuable information Jonah, time is precious, and we are running out. I’m sorry to speak to you like this but you are trying my patience, tell us what you mean  _ now,”  _  Alden ordered.

“The sister, the eighth sister. Shaheena.

In Tamil, it means gentle falcon. She came, with her sisters and the rest of her family so long ago. We don’t remember specifically, but the story is old enough that it describes a forest covering the Great Barrier Reef.”

Cas gave the correct time frame easily, “ sea levels didn't rise until about 13,000 years ago with the last ice age, so this means she is at least that old if not far older.”

“It’s said her ancestral line were Gonds, from India. Australia and India were once joined on a supercontinent called Gondwanaland. Even a 100,000 years ago sea levels were much lower. Not until the melting of the last ice age did it become impossible to travel as easily as before. Many landmarks are now submerged that allowed for migrations to occur. Her ancestors were part of a massive migration which took them across Rama’s Bridge to Sumatra and Jakarta, then Papau New Guinea, and finally over a chain of Islands through the Torres Strait to our mainland and down the coast. They brought their traditions with them, they were white witches. Her family settled in this region and were known far and wide for their incredible healing abilities, they were revered medicine people. Her parents were blessed with many children, fourteen in all, eight of them were girls and everyone of them known for their gentle hearts and incredible beauty. Many, many men sought a bride from that family. None of the sisters were very inclined to marry, save one. Shaheena fell in love with a man from somewhere else, a different tribe. The man had done many gracious deeds for our tribe, but this union was not permitted because he had a different skin color. They married in secret, but they were soon discovered. One tribesman in particular had been exceedingly persistent in his pursuit of a bride, in fact he wanted all eight. Feeling cheated that one was married he went on a rampage after the sisters. Shaheena’s husband was fond of her entire family even though their marriage had not been permitted and feared for her sister's safety. When he pursued and fought with the greedy tribesman it was revealed her husband was a guardian spirit, who of course possessed incredible power. Our people felt certain Shaheena’s marriage was not only blasphemous but that he was dangerous because he could kill the sisters and others in his efforts to stop the greedy man. Blinded by their ignorance they searched the spirits home and found a weapon they were certain would kill him. They chased after her husband and the greedy man while the sisters continued to flee. There were many warriors against him, it’s said he tried not to kill anyone, his intention was only to stop the greedy man. Yet he could not fight him and fend off so many warriors at once. He killed a few of the warriors accidentally and the remaining men were so enraged they killed him. In the process the greedy man fled, he continued his pursuit of the sisters and it is said he chases them all through the night sky. The guardian spirit follows them through the sky in his bodiless form, still trying to protect his wife’s sisters.”

“Jonah, what happened to Shaheena?” Alden asked impatiently.

“She was of course furious and devastated with the tribe and her family for their prejudice and ignorance. She took vengeance on the warriors one by one with magic she had been taught, but ordered never to use….a black magic. She was stopped, but only by another guardian spirit strong enough to end her. It’s said she may come back one day to continue her vengeance. There would be signs.”

“What kind of signs?” Alden asked.

“Natural disturbances, seismic activity, violent deaths.”

“What part of this story and the last few months have not seemed relevant to you? You’ve been silent this whole time, English and Aboriginal both have been lost and yet you’ve said nothing?!!!” Alden voice raised significantly.

“I didn’t know! We have Yara’s here from time to time, sometimes they make a few more before we can stop them and we all know this!!! The deaths are tragic but the victims are in a trance and go to sleep after their heart stops, they're not violen-”

Alden exploded in a fury of rage and tears, he slammed his fists down hard on the table, nearly breaking it, “You’ve seen the pictures of my niece Jonah...you know what that thing did to her!!! She was the daughter I never had! You tell my brother, who’s locked up in Ashmore so doped up on psych meds he doesn’t remember his own name, that she didn’t die violently and in immeasurable pain..don’t you dare say these deaths weren’t violent!!!”

Dean and Arri grabbed Alden and pulled him back before he could do anything to Jonah. The man was shaking badly, so they put him on one of the couches and Grace went to find him a drink. Jobeka had been silent until now, but her astoundment that her father had been keeping this from everyone quickly turned to anger.

She tried to remain calm as she asked, “Biung, how could you not share this? How could keep this from us? These hunters came at a time when this information could have ended the terror on our land, they’ve already helped us more than anyone has been able to. Why would you have kept this from us? From them?”

“We do not involve English in our affairs! We don’t involve them in our hunts! What you did, calling the English behind our backs was a betrayal to your people!”

Alden flew off the couch and screamed “ _ These _ English saved a woman's life so she may grow old with her husband and son!  _ These _ English discovered there were two Yara instead of one!  _ These _ English captured the one that killed Kunmanara Bilin and saw that something much bigger was against us! It’s your lack of trust, your ignorance, your shameful prejudice that has betrayed our people and lead to unnecessary death! We mourn our brother and sisters tonight because of you!!! It was your daughter's strength to act upon her intuition and call for the help we needed, the help at the time we were not ready to accept that has kept our entire tribe from being slaughtered on our land! It's you who is to blame Jonah!!!”

“Biung! I don't understand. You and Waijung did not raise me to think like this. She would be so ashamed. I am ashamed!” Jobeka cried, fresh tears spilling down her face. “Your grandaughter could very well die waiting for a kidney, her life will be chained to a machine. Is this is what you want? If I wasn’t the woman Waijung raised me to be I’d call for your stoning!”

“Jobeka you think she could be part of this?” Dean asked.

“My daughter has been the picture of health her entire life, she works at the park and roams there far more than the hunters even do. She’s been ill for a while but how could this come out of nowhere? We’ve no medical history of it and you’ve seen how we live, how we eat. I can’t see how it’s not likely related. If the witch is using DNA to target her victims then possibly anyone could be next, especially tourists. Even the hunters from other tribes. Alden you need to call and check on them.”

“I’ll make the calls,” Alden assured her.

Deans wheels were turning and a thought ran through his mind.  _ Cas, if this witch is targeting people with illness curses can another witch undo the curse or...stoning! Stones...the ones Rowena wanted us to get from Witches Falls! Didn’t she say they cure magical injury? Maybe Rowena can help! We need to talk with Crowley now! _

_ “ _ We have connections with a witch who  _ may _ be able to help with this. She’s pretty powerful, I’m confident if there is a way to reverse the curses for Alison..I’m hesitant to even hope for Nalo, then she will know how it’s done. But we need to leave, I’m not comfortable...with conducting this business near your people. Do you mind if we take off while attempting to contact her?”

“Do what you must, there’s no time to waste. If there’s a spell involved may I send Gilrad and Grace with you to assist?”

“That would be perfect. Thank you.”

They each hugged Jobeka who was crying silently. Arri put his arm around her and assured them he had a handle on things there. They exited the building and wound around and through the throngs of people who didn’t seem likely to be going home anytime soon. They all piled into Mal with Cas riding shotgun and sped off. Dean slid his hand across the seat to hold Cas’s, who then warmly squeezed back.

“Gilrad, I’m going to summon a guy I know. I don’t want to bring him anywhere near your people if I can avoid it. He is trying to catch this witch too I think, for reasons I’ll extract one way or another but that means there will be other forces at play your community does not need to mix with, especially right now. This is one of those friends in low places we’ve had the unfortunate necessity to require dealing with, however in this case it will work in our favor. But I will park the car some distance from where I’m summoning him. The less you know, the better.”

“I’ll trust your judgement. That’s fine, I’m happy to stay with Grace.”

Dean drove north to Rodbourogh Park were he’d hunted with Deedee, he parked in the lot and Cas got out too. Dean hugged him, “I can’t have you leave them, not after what we saw was done to Bobori and Minjei. They’re safe with you. Crowley won’t do shit to me.”

“How are you so certain of this?”

“Call it a hunch, plus I get the feeling this is too big for him to mess up, for now he’s focused on the same thing we want.”

“I don’t like this, I wish I could go with you.”

“Well you know what they say, 'you can wish in one hand….”

“I don’t know what they say….what does that mean, who’s they?”

“Nevermind, I’ll explain later. I’ll be fine. Be back before ya know it!” he winked at his angel, gave him another hug, and took off jogging west down Cedar Creek road. Ten minutes later he was standing in the middle of Cedar Creek Reserve and dialing Crowley.

“What, no entourage Dean?” Crowley teased as he popped out of thin air, scaring the piss out of him.

“Jeezus Christ Crowley!!”

“Not even close. But it seems you are keeping me at a distance from your friends, which makes me your dirty little secret. I feel so special.”

“I didn’t call to flirt dammit.”

“Shame. Well then, tick tock. What’s the demand of the hour?”

“I have information, much more but there’s few people,  _ good  _ people that could die if they don’t get help. Can you ask Rowena to make a concoction or write a spell that can reverse an illness curse, a really bad curse?”

“Withholding from me while asking for another favor? You bargaining skills are getting a bit rusty. Here’s how this’ll go, you give me the information. I’ll track down Dear Ol’ Mum, but you know her as well as I do….no guarantees. Really, you’ve no other choice. What say you?”

There was no other choice Dean could think of at the moment. Time was indeed sensitive, he had to play along. He retold the entire story as quickly as he could.

“That’s indeed my girl. Finally. Well done Wa’iam. Except there’s a few things this Elder has either left out or were lost to time. Shaheena, or  _ Altina.. _ meaning flame.. as she called herself after her husband's unfortunate business, was indeed married to a guardian spirit with amazing power. Can you think of another being that description reminds you of?”

_ Guardian spirit...bodiless form...in the sky _ .  _ Why didn’t I put that together before?! _

_ “ _ Angel?”

“Not just any angel. Zadkiel, the Archangel. The Aboriginal warriors at the time were far more physically fit out of necessity for survival...would’ve given Schwarzenegger a run for his money in the Mr. Universe competition. Anyways, ran him through with his own blade no less. Nasty business, my understanding is he tried to prevent his sisters-in-law from marrying a Jabba the Hut type fellow. Even tried not to harm the warriors too. When Altina was informed of her husband's unfortunate end she understandably became so distraught she miscarried the child she'd only just told Zadkiel they were expecting. Easy to see why she went darkside. She worked her way through the warriors families, then the warriors themselves. Then she started in on the Elders for their bigotry and ignorant laws. I admire the girls style. She destroyed tribes up the coast and didn’t seem likely to stop. It took the Northern Territories region and the Torres Strait Islander nations joining with a couple of angels to finally bind her and hand deliver her to us. She’s been in a cage ever since, just biding her time. I do so appreciate you helping me retrieve her.”

“You knew? And you just let this happen?”

“Oh I didn’t know. I suspected. The clues you handed me confirmed. The records have become a tad disorganized down there, I read what I could about her and sent some riff raff sniffing around. I think it would be best for everyone if she just goes right back into the hole she’s resided in for the past 18,000 plus years or so. Moral and respect for authority has been a bit lacking in Hell as of late. I bring her back and that will change.”

“So..wait a minute how did she escape in the first place? Or is that why 'moral and respect for authority’ has been lacking? You weren’t able to keep her from escaping and now you look incompetent and unworthy of your position?” Dean said in a smug tone, thinking he’d hit a nerve.

“Hardly. Her cage has almost the same sigils as Lucifer's did. Zadkiel gave Altina quite the power up on their wedding night. The angels bride has it coursing through her for all time thanks to a binding spell she put on herself to keep it safe. It’s a fraction of his grace, yet Hell wasn’t taking any chances, but I digress. You Winchester’s have this brilliant way of screwing things up so heinously you wonder why you’re at the top of the universe's shit list. Just as Sam sprung dear Luci,  _ you  _ let a few Disney Villains out yourself Dean.”

“What the Fu-”

“Amara ring a bell? When you unleashed the Darkness it also popped the lock a few fuzzy cuddlies down here as well. Now I’ve managed to clean up your mess over the last two years, all while running here and there for you morons and your little halo too. But this one has been quite good at evading my best and brightest. Then you Honeymooners hop the pond and zero right in. Your intel has been appreciated, now I think it’s high time you start cutting me some bloody slack. For starters you can stop addressing me in tones dripping with disdain. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes” was all he could muster. It was a kick in the nuts knowing that Crowley had saved Cas’s life from the Lance injury, provided some kind spell to fix his broken mojo, and now to learn the King of Hell been cleaning up a bigger mess than he’d ever realized happened because of his choices...the guilt nearly took his breath away.

“Moving on...oh yes,” and he disappeared.

_ Well that’s just fucking great. Took the info and ditched. Did I expect any less? Shit! How am I gonna explain that I screwed up and have no means of helping Nalo, Alison, and anyone else that becomes a victim? I just keep fucking up every chance I get.  _ He turned around and yet again almost crapped in his pants.

“Jee-will you STOP doing that!!!!”

Crowley stood there with an examining look on his face. Finally he asked, “Retrieved the stones Mother asked you for?”

“No, not yet. Been a little busy.”

“I’ll say.”

“Ya know what Crowley? I don’t give a rats ass-”

“Ah-ah...tsk tsk tsk...thought you were on the clock if I’m not mistaken?”

“Yeah.”

“Get those stones and she’ll give you the spell.”

“What. Now?”

“She’s in no rush, feel free to wait til more are dying...or don’t.”

“So if I get them and bring them right back she’ll give it to me?”

“No, you go get them, bring them to me, I’ll give them to her, she’ll give  _ me  _ the spell which I’ll pass on to  _ you.  _ Understand?”

“Fine, I’ll call from here when I have them.”

“Do.”

Dean watched him disappear and then took of running. Five minutes later he was breathless, sweating, and trying to relay the conversation with Crowley.

“So we need to go to the falls right now?” Cas asked.

“No time to grab swim shorts, every second counts,” Dean huffed. They raced down the road back to Witches Chase. Dean and Cas exited the car, Gilrad and Grace did not.

“Aren’t you coming too?” Cas wondered.

“No, we’ll be alright here. It’s ten rocks, you’ll be back in a flash.”

“But isn’t there safety in nu-”

“Cas! C’mon!” Dean harped, “Oh when was the last time the water was blessed?”

“About forty years ago. Why?”

“Need to know how deep to dig.”

“We won’t be long,” Cas promised.

Once they got to the water's edge Dean explained, “They were giving us some privacy, I mean we’re not gonna go scaring the fish right now, but we have to strip down to underwear or less for this. So..privacy.”

Dean began stripping and took everything off, as did Cas. The water was cool but not ice cold like most waterfalls. They waded in, it would be difficult finding rocks the right size in the dark with some of the storm debris along the pool floor. Cas was happy to trouble shoot though, one frustrated huff from Dean after coming up for air empty handed and he lit the pool up like the Light of Elendil.

Dean smiled in awe at his out-of-this-world boyfriend, “Thanks Cas.”

Both of them dove and Cas lifted some of the heavier branches and boulders out of the way so Dean could more quickly retrieve what was needed. Once the task was complete they both swam ashore and used their shirts as towels. Both struggled to get their jeans on with less than perfectly dry skin. Dean was was abnormally quiet, he was emotionally drained from the funeral, he wanted to hope so badly this would help Alison and Nalo but was too afraid of the crushing sadness if it didn’t work. And then there was the news he'd not only let Amara out but now these deaths...all of them were on him.

“Dean?”

“We’ll talk about it later, ok Cas?” he walked over to fix his angels hair. He loved it dripping wet, the memories it conjured sent his head swimming but it was neither the place nor the time for that. He pushed his hands through Cas’s hair, arranging it the way he preferred...with a touch of sexy flare. Then kissed him slow and deep. That delicious buzzing felt amazing. He placed his forehead against his angels for a few seconds, then they gathered the rocks and took off. Dean found a plastic bag in the trunk and dumped them in and sped down the road back to Rodbourogh Park. Leaving them in the car again Dean ran back to the Cedar Creek Reserve. He phoned Crowley and upon arrival, he handed over the dripping plastic bag.

Crowley rolled his eyes but held the bag far away from himself and pinched it between his index finger and thumb. 

“Allow her a moment to authenticate,” he snapped and was gone.

Dean just loved standing around partially soaked in a disgustingly humid environment at an ungodly hour by himself. Fortunately Crowley came back in two minutes flat, hands in his pockets.

Dean was about to lose his cool when Crowley pulled out a rolled piece of parchment. “Today's your lucky day...or night I suppose,” he droned as he handed Dean the spell. “You must be certain that the items you remove from the hex bags are human. If it's not, the victim will die immediately. Removing the human items will only pause the illnesses advance, you must say the incantation afterwards to severe the curse permanently.” 

“Give her our thanks,” Dean said as he took the parchment and started to run off, “and you too. Thank you. I mean it.”

The King of Hell rolled his eyes, snapped his fingers, and was gone. Dean took off like a bat out of Hell towards the car and it's occupants. When he hopped in Mal he gave the parchment to Grace who read it out loud. Gilrad had all but two ingredients which he said he could obtain in the forest and at a friends house. On the way to the friends house Dean asked Cas if he’d known the husband was an angel.

“I suspected, and it makes sense. Two angels died here a very long time ago. Guardian spirits do sound very much like angels and in the collection Alden has there where many pieces of art depicting them with circles around their heads..like halos.”

Grace agreed and added, “This is not unique to our tribe. Our entire continent has art depicting these spirits in this manner. They are a strong presence in most art among our people, ancient and modern alike.”

“So if she was pregnant then she would have birthed a nephilim. How would she have miscarried something so powerful?”

“Human emotion is one of the most powerful forms of energy in the universe. Imagine the sorrow of losing your husband who was innocent, while you, a magical medicine woman are able to tell hours after conception you’re pregnant. Likely the pain was so great, her magic amplified it and the fetus was so young it just didn’t survive.”

“It would have been half human, half archangel. Unique like Jes-Kunmanara Turner, like Judith Spade. All our victims are unique on some way. Maybe she feels like if she cannot have her unique family then nobody can. But wait though...Alison isn’t advanced yet enough in her dreaming to be an elder and see things you guys see, she’s not an empath like Sarah or Callum. So what gives? Does this mean she really is sick?”

Grace corrected him, “But she is unique. Her mother is Aboriginal and her father is English. She’s also gay. She fits the pattern. I mean this in a positive way, if we can get the spell right we can help her too. I really don’t think it would work on someone who is genuinely ill and not from a curse.”

“I see what you mean Grace, I too hope for this,” Cas offered.

They pulled in to Gilrad’s friends home. He ran to the door and a few minutes later was let in. Dean saw the friend was English which would explain why he wasn’t already at the funeral. He guessed that they must be good friends to go banging on someone’s door at 2am for some weirdo random spell ingredient. Moments later he was back in the car asking Dean to drive straight over to the Joalah section of the park. When they arrived, Gilrad once again hopped out and darted off into the brush. Just as before, he was only gone for a few minutes and came jogging back to the car.

“Take me back to the community area, I’ll drive Grace back to my house to prepare the spell. You and Castiel can go to Nalo and Alison's houses to look for the hex bags.”

Dean and Cas went straight to Nalo’s after dropping Gilrad and Grace off, they made sure one of them would call Finlay’s younger brother as a heads up. He met them outside and the poor kid looked exhausted but still managed to greet them pleasantly, “Hey I’m Toba. What are we looking for?”

“A hex bag, it’ll be small...maybe between the size of a golf ball and a baseball. It won’t be easily visible. It should be outside, seeing as you have the lemon chili protection stuff on your porch. But whatever you do, don’t open it. If you can avoid touching it then leave it alone and holler for us. Look  _ everywhere... _ I’m not kidding.”

“Okay, will do.”

They all three went in different directions, Toba took the west side of the house, Cas the east, while Dean scoured the front just to be sure. He checked for any loose panels, holes on the sides of the concrete steps, and he even checked a few of the first row of roof shingles he could reach. Cas searched the rain water storage container when he was finished with his side of the home. He did the same with the back end of the home as well. A half hour later all three were sitting on the front porch sweaty, dirty, and frustrated.

“Have you checked every square inch, even under the house, maybe there’s recently disturbed dirt, loose pipes, or a loose panel we missed?” Dean bemoaned, out of breath.

“Well there’s a female elbow thread on our water pipe that’s been loose for two days now, but how on earth would someone put one in there...it would cause probl-...oh my God lemme... I need to get a tool!” Toba yelled as he ran off.

They could hear him rummaging through a room in the house, he came darting out and zipped past them to the west side of the home. Dean and Cas followed rapidly and Dean held the pipe steady as Toba gripped the wrench and twisted it all the way off. It fell off easily enough but none of them could pull anything out because their fingers were too large. Toba ran inside again and came back with pliers and a pair of large tweezers.

Dean grabbed the pliers first and tried in both directions, but they wouldn't reach far enough. Next he tried the tweezers and found something. It was wet and dark even under the porch light once he delicately pulled it out and ran to the front to examine it. Cas got up close and personal, handling it with the utmost care.

“The bag is made from human skin. The thread is in poor shape, please hand me the tweezers.”

Toba did and Cas was extremely cautious removing the thread. The bag opened and they found a few bones, hair, a tiny pebble and a few other items they couldn't identify. Cas held his other hand over the contents and there was a faint glow as he concentrated.

“The hair is from a wild pig, the bones…”, he took a shaky breath, “they’re human, infant.”

“We need to get the bag to Gilrad and Grace, but remove the bones. You can do it with the tweezers. Toba, get us a few bags please. Both will need to go with us,” Dean instructed.

When everything was properly bagged and tagged they thanked him for helping.

“Thanks man, I can’t promise anything just yet, but there’s hope so hold on to it,” Dean reassured him.

“Thanks, tell Finlay to call me with an update and I don’t care what time it is.”

“Will do, get some rest.”

They got back on the road and called Grace, informing her they managed to find the bag and were bringing it over. They were by no means done for the night, so they asked for an update on Nalo as soon as one was available. They quickly and carefully dropped it off, confident it was is capable hands. Then they headed back swiftly to Jobeka’s house. They knocked on the door and Sarah answered, rubbing her eyes.They briefly explained their mission and she too wanted to help. She quickly got changed into work clothes and brought out all manner of tools from the house. She also unlocked the shed which was now full, Jonah had had the yard picked up, big pieces of rubble removed so they might have to pull everything out if a bag didn’t turn up elsewhere.

Alison was out cold in their room and all were grateful she remained undisturbed. They tried to be as quiet as possible and like Finlay’s home, they each took a side. Shasta even brought out a ladder so Dean or Cas could check the roof. They looked as thoroughly as they could up there and then moved downwards to the side paneling of the house, checking for loose boards. They looked under the eaves with a flashlight she’d brought out. They unhooked every pipe they could reach and looked through, Shasta said they’d had no water issues as far as she knew. They checked the rain water storage just in case. Next they looked under the house, Dean allowed Shasta to check as she seemed to have a nonexistent fear of spiders which he couldn't decide was really concerning or really awesome. They checked for holes in the concrete, they scoured the laundry lines, and looked all around the property for disturbed ground. They took out everything from the shed and even went over each tool, container, and anything else which might hold a hex bag.

Alison had been ill for a while so Dean, not being willing to give up the ghost just yet began digging all around the property, and even under the house along the edges. They could still hear the faint drums of the funeral in the distance. The sunrise had begun, and eventually the drumming softened. When Jobeka arrived back home it was fairly light out and all three were sitting on the porch covered in sweat, dirt, drinking water, and silent as graves. The yard looked like it had hosted a buried treasure party but Jobeka gave not a damn. Dean looked up with tears in his eyes and shook his head. It was like failing Mrs. Tran all over again.

“I’m so sorry, we found one at Nalo’s but there’s nothing here. Short of taking your home apart piece by piece. I’m sorry Jobeka,” Dean said trying not to cry.

She walked right up to him, placed her her hands on his face, “Don’t you dare think there’s anyone out there who’s done or would've done more for my daughter than you. We will get through this somehow, we always get through the rough patches. I know exactly how hard you’ve tried to help her, and why. It means the world to me Dean, no matter what the future brings you need to know this!” She bear hugged him and asked, “Now would you like a bit of good news?”

He nodded hesitantly, there wasn’t much that could cheer him up in this mood though.

“I was standing next to Alden when Grace called from Pindara, Nalo is awake and breathing on his own. He isn’t out of the woods but the doctors say his vitals are improving every few minutes and they are confounded, but so pleased. Hopefully he will continue to improve and maybe come home in a few days.”

The relief in Dean was so great he almost lost his balance and fell over. He knew Nalo had the emotional road from Hell in front of him after he recovered from this. Yet, he hoped with the love and support from his family and community he could find enough strength to move forward and someday open his heart again.

“That’s really great news. It’s good to finally have some,” Dean said, trying to stuff all his emotion down for the time being.

Shasta popped up and said, “Please don’t leave yet!” She was inside for a few minutes and came back out with fresh mugs of coffee and some buns for them. “I changed a few things for Alison but as predicted, they taste the same. Had time after pizza last night so….eat up, you both look like you’re gonna drop.”

Dean politely had one, it tasted wonderful but he just wasn’t in the mood. He did his best to stuff one down, they sipped their coffee and saved the others for later. Checking his phone he noticed that he’d missed a call from Gilrad, but got the text  about Nalo via Grace. Shasta stretched and yawned, “Well I need to shower and head out for my shift at the cafe. Can’t wait to get back and just have some quiet time with Alison, I want figure out what other recipes I can tweak for her.”

Dean admired her constant positivity, she knew what was within her realm of realistic and did everything she could for her girlfriend. Jobeka began nudging them lovingly back to the cottage for shower and rest.

“We need to put the yard back in shape,we can’t leave it like this,” Dean insisted.

“You can and you will, I’ll not have you making yourselves worn down and sick. Nalo’s little brothers and sisters do chores here every now and then, this’ll give them something to do and they’ll be paid. We’ll load them up with Sarah’s treats and I’ve been known to slay with a Nerf Super Soaker,” she mused mischievously.

Dean looked surprised and impressed, Jobeka was the grandmother or elderly Auntie of every kids dreams. They thanked Shasta for the coffee and treats, and asked that Jobeka keep them in the loop in regards to any and all developments. They climbed into Mal gingerly, so as to not to rub too much dirt into the upholstery. There were no other cars on the road even though the sun was up and shining her love on the world. Dean was silent on the way back, trying hard to properly process what Crowley revealed he was responsible for. He hadn’t popped the latch on those creatures, only Amara. But he may as well have. People here died because he always seemed to make the choice with the worst unforeseen consequences. Who knew how many others died before Crowley honed in on the destructive and lethal actions of the other creatures he’d unwittingly unleashed. He knew people made mistakes, life’s lessons continued until death. But most people got a hangover or two, then decided to exercise more control. Most people called in sick one too many times on their first job, then learned to prioritize on their next.  Most people didn’t act to save their brothers life and cause the death of hundreds. Most people didn’t doom themselves for a weapon to kill a demon. Most people didn’t sacrifice themselves for their brother and turn on souls in Hell to torture them. Every time they were up against impossible circumstances that would destroy the world, which happened far too often, they averted the obliteration of billions at the sacrifice of hundreds.  _ How is this ok? Why do the few lives matter less than the billions somehow miraculously still here? Don’t they have a right to live? When will this stop? When can we ever just go back to fighting vamps, wendigo’s, and gin? _

He pulled into the cottages and they went inside. Cas put Shasta’s pastries in the fridge while he started the shower. Dean noticed he also grabbed the clothes he let drop every which where and put them in the wash before joining him under the cool spray. They were both filthy and neither could stand the thought of cuddling until the grime had been washed away completely. Dean had turned his back to Cas, leaning against the tile wall on his side. His heart was so incredibly heavy with guilt. Everything in him, every instinct told him to just wallow in it because nothing could be done and nothing would ever change. But he was trying, trying to dig deep and push very uncomfortably against his instinct and accept what he couldn't change. Accept it and begin to weigh the number of people he had saved against those that were tragic, collateral damage.


	20. Chapter 20

Cas silently watched from his side of the shower, feeling the back and forth sway of Dean's emotions. He knew Dean hadn’t told him everything, that was obvious. He knew it was strongly correlated with the guilt that had been slicing in his own chest all morning. But something was different in him, instead of drowning in the guilt which was his modus operandi, Dean was choosing to tread water. He fought against a current which he usually let sweep him downstream and over the falls until he or Sam would drag him out. He was so very amazed and proud of him. He hurt for him, and not just physically. Cas wished he could take the sorrow and guilt from Dean and bear it himself for a change.

He noticed Dean began washing again, he was scrubbing himself very hard over clean skin. Then his human's emotions began wobbling, it had been like watching a young child ride a bike for the first time. There are falls during the learning process, but eventually the falls become less and less. Dean was falling at the moment, where seconds earlier he had been brave enough to push off and then fight to stay upright on that bike. This would be the first of many falls, but he had chosen to start learning and that bravery needed to be reinforced, rewarded. Cas rushed to him, took the soap away, and held a shaking Dean. He didn’t ask him questions, he didn’t soothe him with reassuring phrases. He simply rinsed him, dried him off, and brought him into the bedroom he’d made sure to darken before getting in the shower. Cas held Dean’s face in his hands and looked into the vast forest of green, the most beautiful, captivating eyes he’d ever seen in his countless years of existence.

“Ngaio bujera bullonga mi,” he whispered in Yugambeh and kissed Dean’s eyelids as softly as butterfly wings.

“Ngaio bujera bullonga yellin,” he quietly purred and he brushed Dean's lips, capturing them in a chaste, yet firm kiss.

“Ngaio bujera bullonga moro,” he crooned and delicately rubbed his nose against Dean’s.

“Nagaio bujera bullonga joroghon,” he kissed him fiercely, teasing Dean’s tongue with his own dancing around it.

“Ngaio bujera bullonga tallun,” he said secretively in his ear. Then he bit Dean’s neck, hard enough to make him tense but not break the skin. He withdrew after gentle kisses and gazed at him with eyes that blazed sapphire. Dean’s heart rate shot up and his breathing was slightly uneven.

“Ngaio bujera bullonga dulgo,” Cas praised as he placed his palm over Dean’s heart. Before he removed his hand he felt Dean’s soul shudder with the feeling of home, he smiled to himself and kissed the skin that held a patterned beat behind it, matching his own.

“Ngaio bujera bullonga dunnara,” he breathed almost silently, as he slowly knelt while peppering his ribs with sweet kisses.

“Ngaio bujera bullonga mohn,” Cas sighed, kissing and sucking marks on the soft, pliant skin around Dean’s belly button.

He trailed further down with his moist tongue. “Ngaio bujera bullonga jun,” he voiced in a husky tone and slid Dean in his mouth gently at first, then more aggressively.

Dean’s hips punched forward a little from the warm contact of his angels mouth. Cas pushed his human's hips back and he fell lightly on the bed.

He kissed all the way back up to Dean’s face and breathed, “Ngaio bujera wahlu,” and placed his forehead against Dean’s. He could feel both their hearts pounding, and slowly they found each other, beating in sync.

Suddenly, Dean kissed him with an almost painfully intense passion and need. He held Cas’s face with his left hand and pulled him in an even closer embrace with his right, crushing them together. Cas wanted Dean so very much in that moment, his body was hurting from the need to be with him. He’d always wanted him, but this desire was beyond anything he’d experienced so far. _Yet I can't ask that of him, not unless he says something first. I’m damaged too, by what I witnessed but something so deep inside me wants to wipe the slate clean, and give him new precious memories. Oh Father, I'm shaking but I can’t help it!_   And then the wall hit him. Dean’s emotional and physical urges were off the charts, so much so that Cas couldn't tell where Deans ended and his own began. They both were becoming overwhelmed by the physical and emotional need for each other. _I can feel him struggling with something, he’s conflicted...but about what?_

Dean felt the tremors from Cas, something was different with him. His kisses were like desperate, passionate questions he’d never given voice to. _I can tell Cas wants, no...needs something, but he’s holding back. I wonder if he wants me as much as I want him. I need him, he’s my everything. I have to have him! I just….but maybe he can’t. I can’t blame him for that, maybe I can’t either but I..I want to try!_ Dean sat up, grabbed Cas’s knees and pulled them out from under him so he landed in his lap. His hands yanked his angels hips forward, then he lay back a little on the pillows and Cas followed, refusing to break their kiss. His angels hips began a frenzied friction between them, Dean cupped and squeezed his cheeks urging on the exquisite movements. That need between them both became even stronger. Dean placed their foreheads together, his hands brushing through his hair. 

“Dean tell me, please,” Cas whispered.

_How can I? He said himself he is struggling with this. I don’t want to push him, but I can’t help wanting him so bad._

“Dean...please...say something,” he begged as the friction intensified. He felt the other wall go up, “No, don’t ever close me off like this please, please don’t. You can tell me anything, ask me anything. Just talk to me.”

“C-Cas..I-I..need you...I want you so bad. But you don’t have to..it’s ok, I understand,” he confessed, shaking now himself. _Dammit why do I have to be so needy and emotional?!_

“If you need me, then I need you only twice as much,” Cas gasped, taken aback by Dean's confession and strength. 

“I just...just want to try, if we can’t it’s ok but I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.”

“I’ve always wanted you Dean, always. Maybe it would be easier for you...if, if we’re just like this...the physical sensation is close to what you’ve experienced before,” Cas quietly proposed. 

“You’re in control, you can slow or stop...if this doesn’t work..I won’t be disappointed Cas. You need to know that. We can try again or not...it’s ok,” Dean reassured him. 

Cas nodded that he understood, then his human leaned over to the nightstand and retrieved the bottle from before, then squeezed the contents onto his hand. Both their hearts were racing, Cas had never experienced a cardiac event of this magnitude, no matter how normal it was. It took his breath away, he had to focus in order to calm himself. Dean took Cas in his left hand while letting the palm of his right pleasantly graze his balls. Cas kissed Dean and his kisses were like reverent praises. Praises for the bravery he showed in attempting to avoid further emotional self harm. Praises for putting both his physical and psychological discomforts aside to fight for something he wants. For putting himself first, when all instinct told him to do otherwise.   
Dean’s fingers smoothed along their path and Cas shivered as they brushed against his sensitive entrance. They circled lightly at first, then increased in pressure. Cas pushed against Dean's hand asking for more. He was given more, and jolted slightly when Dean carefully found and pressed against the sweet spot. Cas sighed at the delicious pressure and tenderness from Dean, the man who brutally tore through purgatories most vicious to find him. His hunter, his avenger in many ways, was using the most gentle of touches to completely undo him. He slid another finger into Cas, opening him even further at an achingly slow pace. There was no hurry, no need to finish before running off somewhere. Their bodies were so in sync, their hearts beat at the same time, Dean could almost feel the euphoric waves in his own tummy as he teased Cas’s prostate. A third finger stretched and tempted the angel, his arms rested lazily around Dean’s neck but the more intense the tightening in his tummy became the more firmly he held on to his human. 

“I don’t want to stop but I’m close, and I want you Dean,” Cas confessed. Dean’s heart rate went through the roof, he rested against Cas’s forehead for a moment to calm his nerves. 

“Your heart rate is awfully high, is this too much?” Cas asked in genuine concern.

Dean shook his head, “No, not at all. Just...you’re so perfect. Y’know that right?”

The complement gave Cas the sensation he was melting into a puddle right there in Dean’s lap. “You’re perfection and love. I’ve waited so long for you Dean...not just in this sense. You can’t know what it means, but I’ve waited eons for this,” Cas whispered as he placed his hand over Dean’s heart. 

Dean’s eyes lit up in the best smile Cas had ever seen from him. The angel grabbed the bottle and poured perhaps too much on Dean but he didn’t seem to mind. Better too much than not enough, they both unknowingly thought simultaneously. Cas held Dean and his hand began that rhythm the man loved so much until they both were in such a frenzy for each other they couldn’t wait any longer. Dean leaned back slightly against the pillows which were numerous and fluffy. Cas leaned into Dean, kissing him as he held and pressed him against his sensitive hole and began very, very gently pushing in. It didn’t hurt, but the feeling was so new that the angel was glad for the mindful, tenuous pace. As Dean oh-so-slowly nudged himself further in, he couldn't gauge Cas’s stillness and worried that this part was difficult. He wondered how to divert the angels attention to something else pleasant, when he felt his hard length rubbing blissfully against his own tummy. He reached for Cas and stroked him a few times but then felt him brush his hand away delicately and shake his head. _Ok, no distraction loves for Cas during this part, got it._ After a few moments Cas sat up carefully and sunk down so Dean was all the way in. He looked in those beautiful green orbs and saw so much emotion he wasn’t sure if his grace could take it. Whatever his lover was feeling was the same thing, mirrored within himself. Dean pulled Cas down again to his lips, he needed his kisses now more than ever. His angel felt warm hands move from his hips to his cheeks and gently squeeze. Cas was more than ready and as he began tilting his hips in a cautious rocking motion he felt Dean’s hands hold him more firmly, it was so perfect. 

“Cas, please open your eyes. I need to see you, make sure you’re ok,” he begged. 

His angel opened them and Dean saw the most stunning shade of blue glowing and swirling in front of him. He couldn’t describe it if he tried, there were no words. Cas was moving in a very slow but steady rhythm, the swirling mist-in-a-bottle sensation in Dean's chest was expanding more than it ever had before. If he didn’t have Cas’s eyes tethering him to this point in space and time he wasn’t sure where or when he’d end up floating off too. The feeling of being in his angel, him moving all around was something beyond himself. Cas’s breathing was more intense, he leaned back so he was almost sitting up which pushed Dean in even deeper which seemingly sent him into orbit. Cas watched as Dean's eyes fluttered in bliss, he knew the feeling. Every downward movement he made had his human nudging against his prostate, it sent shockwaves every which way in his tummy. His abdominal muscles were twisting like crazy, nerve endings felt like they were on fire in the most unbelievable way when Dean started carefully thrusting into him. He could tell Dean was getting flustered about something, but of course he realized quickly what it was as soon as he reached for his hand and urged him to rub his cock like he’d wanted to before. Cas could see him relax immediately and enveloped him in a lover’s embrace. The sensations were becoming overwhelming, Cas felt so full and by now Dean's hand was skilled in the art of exactly what he liked. He wasn’t sure which was better; pushing into his human's hand or sliding back onto the hard length that filled and stretched him beyond what he thought he could take. He wanted this to last forever, but his body was nearing a point when he wouldn't be able to stop from going over that edge. _I don’t want to disappoint him and finish this soon, but he makes me feel so good it can't be helped. I love you so much Dean, you’ve no idea how long I waited for a soul such as yours, as perfect as yours. This is better than any hope or dream my grace could conjure. A human lifetime with you would be my heaven._

Dean wished he could last longer but Cas felt so incredibly tight and the way he was moving was gripping him in all the right places. His angel was the picture of all things divine in this world, why this celestial being had chosen to keep him went beyond comprehension. Yet for once, he let himself be washed in the purest of love he yearned to be able to return a fraction of with his feeble, human heart. _I want to be the man you think I am. You deserve so much more than what you’ve been given and this is so beyond anything I ever dared hope for._  Cas crushed Dean’s chest to his own as he shuddered and came, his blue eyes never left the multi shaded forests of green. Dean felt Cas tighten around him and his own release followed. He held Cas so close and a single tear fell down his cheek. Cas kissed the tear away and looked at him in wonderment. His soul was actually shining, Dean had no idea, but Cas could see it and in that moment it looked healthy and strong. Over the last several days the angel had noticed infinitesimal changes in it. Now, in the euphoric moment it shone brilliantly, just like it used to long ago. Dean looked at him with a mildly surprised expression as he processed what had happened between them. So full of emotion, his eyes released a few more tears and he hugged Cas. He buried his face in his angels neck and said, “You’re everything I’ve always wanted Cas. I’ll never want anyone else as long as I live.”  
Cas was too overcome to reply for a little while. He enjoyed the pull in his chest to Dean’s and reveled in the synchronicity of their hearts. Finally, “This was even better than all I had imagined, thank you Dean. The feel of you inside me is too good to describe. Can we stay like this forever?”

Dean smiled and his face went beet red, he was so Goddamned happy he didn’t know what to do with himself. “I wish we could stay like this too buddy. But we forgot to turn on the air conditioning, feels like a swamp in here, I’m a sweaty mess. We’re gonna need another shower.” He kissed Cas’s chest and squeezed his ass gently, massaging his cheeks in a lazy, loving way. Cas sighed, he’d be so happy to go another round but they were indeed a mess. He let Dean finish his lovies and carefully remove himself.   
“I’ll get the air on, go start the shower and get in,” Dean suggested, he couldn't help kissing Cas again. 

Cas stood under the cool water letting in run down his body which was singing with happiness. He couldn't stop smiling, this was what he’d wanted for so long. Then Dean came in and it was even better. He hadn’t even bothered getting himself soaked yet, he just strolled right in, grabbed his angel and crushed him with a hug. Cas pushed him back a little under the water and began washing him. He could see that Dean's soul had returned to its typical state but there was still an improvement there from even just a week ago. Time. It will take time, but the choice has been made and the healing has begun. Yet, Cas could feel Dean’s emotions flicker and wobble again, though not as severely this time. When Cas had finished scrubbing his back he turned and placed his forehead against his angels. Cas waited patiently, either for Dean to speak or to merely enjoy the moment of closeness. 

“There’s something Crowley said that I didn’t bring up in the car.”

_Yes Dean, please tell me. I want to know, let me help._ “I knew there was something else but didn’t want to pester you.”

“He told me that when I unleashed Amara a few other things came out of the proverbial wood work too. Some things which were kept in cages, under sigils similar but not identical to Amara’s and Lucifer’s. He’s spent the last few years tracking them down and returning them to Hell. He retrieved them all but one, Altina. She’s eternally powered up by her husbands mojo which she bound to herself. Crowley said it was kind of like what he’s done to Lucifer in his vessel. So I did more than release the darkness...this is all my fault too. He’s been cleaning up my mess and never said anything until now. I’m trying not to go south on you Cas. And for myself, I know what’s done is done….but it hurts so much worse knowing Minjei, Deedee, and Bobori are dead because of me. No matter what I do or how hard I try to save someone, other people end up dying. I hate that it always seems to end like this. It’s such a fucked up life.”

“I wish I had all the answers for you. You and your brother always try to make the best choices with the information you have. I’ve not often been good at communication which has led to my messes you’ve cleaned up. You must know my intention is always to do what’s right as well. Allow me a Sam moment if you will, he’s rather fond of this series so we must remember to “Choose between what is right and what is easy”. The right choice is always the right choice, even if it is a very difficult one to live with. None of us are void of mistakes but you wouldn't be the man I love more than anything in this universe if you didn’t do what you thought was right. You put others before yourself, often to your own detriment. I know you’re working on that, this situation is no different. All I can offer is my unconditional love and say with absolute truth, when you are hurting...I am hurting along with you. I feel your pain. I share it,” Cas explained.

“I appreciate that Cas, you’re always willing to go through crap with me. I just hope we can find a way to kill her. She did so much damage in her time, feels like we’re up against the darkness all over again.”  
“After you’ve slept we can check in for any news,” Cas suggested, “I’m proud of you for trying so hard Dean.” 

The two stood there treasuring each others mouths, teasing each other with their tongues. The mood had lightened up a little and Cas just beamed at him, eyes glimmering with love. “Seriously Cas, I’m so addicted to you. One day I wanna spend a whole 24 hours kissing and making love to you over and over and over…..wanna know how many times I can make you cum.” Cas giggled, “awesome” he declared in a Dean-like tone, “on one condition.”  
Dean furrowed his brows and tilted his head in a very Cas-like expression. Cas giggled even harder, after a split second on the uptake.“I want another 24 hours to return the favor, but….the focus will be on you and only you.”  
Dean’s face looked like it was trying to register winning the lottery and being told the US had run out of pie in the same moment. 

“I may not be experienced but I can say from eons of observation, you are an exceptionally generous lover. Being with you is the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt. I’ve also noticed that even when you are thoroughly enjoying yourself, thoughts and concerns about my satisfaction are always running in the background. This is a wonderful thing, I love you so much for it. But you need to learn it’s ok to think only about yourself sometimes. That afternoon when I found you holding my tie and coat hostage on your delicious body, you didn’t really let go and focus on yourself until the third orgasm in. So I’m giving you fair warning that one of these days I will delight in sexually exhausting you, but will not allow you reciprocation of any kind.”  
Dean was speechless... _thank you??? How dare you???_

Dean tucked his head in Cas’s neck, then nodded. The water was going to run cold soon, he let Cas down with a kiss on the cheek and a smack on the southern one. They swiftly washed and then scurried back to the bed. The cottage was definitely getting cooler, much to Dean's relief. He laid down on his left side and patted the bed behind him, Cas gleefully shimmied up to him. 

“I remember when Sam once told me something about sleeping...er..about sleeping positions,” Cas whispered.  
“Do tell” Dean insisted.

“Well you said something too and now I’m experiencing difficulty deciding on who I agree with.”

“Now you really have to tell...if it involves actual sleep then Sam is the snoozeville expert. If it involves positions..not sleeping then I’m the expert.”

“Don’t underestimate your brother like that Dean.”

Dean shot straight up and turned around, “What the Hell does that mean?!” His hair was smooth on the pillow side and spiky everywhere else.

Cas laughed and tugged him back down, “Relax. All I meant was, be nice. I’m sure his sexual skills are more than proficient. I don’t dwell on it though as he’s not the Winchester I’m hopelessly in love with.” _Was that jealousy? Jealous panic? Oh Dean you’re so cute like this! You never need to worry, I’ll never love another soul like I do yours, silly human._

Dean settled back down, “What is the existential sleeping crisis keeping you up at night..or morning?”

“Sam explained spooning, you said forking was better.”

“Given how little I usually sleep and why, can you blame me?”

“No, and you have been better since coming here.”

“You don’t have to choose Cas. It’s ok to like both. I never said I didn’t like spooning, just that forking was better. Now I find myself pretty pleased with both. I reached my quota of one this morning thanks to you.”

“Your welcome, now get your fill of the other.” Cas kissed the back of his neck, wrapped his strong arms around his favorite person, and enjoyed watching Dean fall asleep. He never had a more pleasant rest of spirit than holding Dean while daydreaming about their wonderful morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yugambeh Translations
> 
> Castiel: Ngaio bujera bullonga mi/ I love your eyes  
> Ngaio bujera bullonga yellin/ I love your lips  
> Ngaio bujera bullonga moro / I love your nose  
> Ngaio bujera bullonga joroghon/ I love your tongue  
> Ngaio bujura bullonga tallun/ I love your neck  
> Ngaio bujera bullonga dulgo/ I love your heart  
> Ngaio bujera bullonga dunnara/ I love your ribs  
> Ngaio bujera bullonga mohn/ I love your belly  
> Ngaio bujera bullonga jun/ I love your penis  
> Ngaio bujera wahlu/ I love you


	21. Chapter 21

Dean awakened to the smell of shepards pie heating up. Cas was innocently standing in front of the microwave, watching the food turn around while leaning over on the counter giving him a rather wonderful view. He tiptoed down the stairs, scurried across the hardwood floor in stealth mode, and pressed himself between Cas’s cheeks. His angel stood calmly and leaned back against him, “Hello Dean.”

“You weren’t surprised?!” Dean asked disappointedly.

“I can hear you moving and even if I couldn't, I could see your Wile E. Coyote ass in the microwave’s reflection.” Cas turned around and snuggled into Dean's chest, “How is my sleepy beauty this evening?”

“Missing you in the bed, but otherwise great” he glowed and held his angel tight. “Are you sore?” He sweetly rubbed Cas’s cheeks to be sure.

“Not at all.”

Dean’s tummy grumbled. “What time is it?”

“Just past five. Gilrad texted, he’d like me to meet with him tonight at six. Grace isn’t sure if she can make it but will try anyways. Sit. Eat,” he lovingly ordered as the microwave dinged.

Dean turned to see Cas had laid out placemats and forks on the coffee table. He roamed over, plopped himself on the couch, and eagerly awaited dinner with his angel. It made him happy that Cas liked the meal well enough to even eat the leftovers. When his angel placed the meal on the table and sat next to him Dean kissed and thanked him, then dug in. As he chewed, he realized when they got back home there would be no more Naked Chef or Cas _ ual _ dress code. Not without Sam needing an ample supply of bleach for his eyes. It made him a little sad, he’d make sure they have some getaways though and he’d be bringing Cas home to stay where he was loved the most, where he belonged. Nothing compared to that.  _ Could I really have Cas, Sammy? Maybe even Mom might come back, or hopefully visit. This is too much, there's no way I could get to have all three. Not that lucky. I’m thrilled to have Sammy and Cas.  _ Dinner hit the spot, both went for seconds and finished off what was left. Dean hopped up and started the dishes, Cas remained seated only for a few moments to appreciate Dean who was gloriously naked and doing the dishes.

_ The man needs company.  _ Cas trotted over, grabbed the dish towel, and helped contribute to the chore. The two stood there smiling and joking through the work, naked as can be, happy just being together. When they finished, Cas checked his phone for updates, while Dean practiced Dadirri. When he was through he found Cas was already dressed and had laid clothes out for him.  _ I’m impressed, this is not horrible.  _ He found a light green t-shirt and dark jeans and boxer briefs beside him. Cas wore a black fitted t-shirt with tan cargos. They hadn’t even left yet and Dean wanted to throw him on the bed and make out like rabid teenagers. Cas had a strange look in eyes, almost pained but he swept Dean up and lay him gently down on the bed, covering his body with his own. Cas held Dean’s face as he looked down, cherishing him, taking him in.

“It’s difficult for me too Dean. I can’t help how good how I look. Wish you could appreciate the restraint I use when I pass by a mirror, jeez... if you only knew how badly I want rip my clothes off and screw myself. It’s important to know you’re not alone when you think about unzipping my pants and bending me over the counter” Cas confessed with the most serious face to date.

Dean was laughing so hard he was crying. He’d never heard such sarcasm from the angel, it was so unexpected, uncharacteristic, but wonderful. It took him a few moments to recover.

“Confidence is key angel. It’s good to know you’re not full of yourself,” Dean teased while wiping his eyes.

Cas climbed onto Dean's lap as he sat up and looked in the pools of green, “I’d rather be filled by you,” he said softly.

Dean threw his head back and groaned, “That’s not helping Cas! But I’m happy to oblige next chance we get.”

He kissed his angel sweet and slow, then lifted him as he stood and set him down. With his keys, wallet, and phone in his pocket, shades on his head, he grabbed Cas’s hand and out they went.

They drove to Jobeka’s and found Gilrad there enjoying some iced tea with her and Alison on the front patio. The yard looked like it had been put to rights as well as one could expect.

“Boys, Jingeri. Did you get enough rest?” Jobeka smiled, the stress of the last two days showing slightly on her face. Dean appreciated her effort to maintain an even keel.

“Yes thanks. How are all of you doing?” Cas asked.

Gilrad nodded only, clearly he’d had little to no sleep.

“We’re doing. Been busy here today, got a little sleep this morning. Kids came over this afternoon and had a yard party as you can see. I think I might go see Cal later and call it a night. Oh! Nalo is sitting up, able to speak a little. Finlay won’t leave his side to get decent sleep bless his heart, but he sends his deepest thanks to you both.”

“That is great news, happy to hear it,” Dean smiled.

“Ready Castiel?” Gilrad asked as he set down his tea. “Grace is on her way from Beenleigh, but she isn’t sure if she’ll get here in time.”

“Yes.” Cas squeezed Dean’s hand, then he walked off with Gilrad.

“It’s fine, we can reschedule. See ya later buddy.”

The phone was ringing in the house so Jobeka jumped up to answer, Alison and Dean were left on the porch by themselves. She'd been silent since they’d arrived and looked a little tired and pale. Her big brown eyes looked up at him, clearly she needed to say something.

Dean sat next to her as she started to shake. “Hey…” he said as he took her hand.

She hugged him and buried her face in his shoulder. “Thank you Dean” she sobbed.

“For what?”

“What you did this morning, for Nalo. For me.”

“I’m happy we could help Nalo, not sure that family can take anymore hits. But Alison I’m so sorry….we tried,” Dean said, feeling angry but with nobody to blame. There wasn’t, this was nature and life taking its course. Time was her villain, not a witch. He’d tried walking a mile in Death’s shoes and failed miserably. Somethings you can’t change no matter how badly you want them to. Some people you want to save and can’t. He only hoped she could improve her quality of life with the treatments, maybe get lucky with kidney donor in the future.

“You did try and it means everything to me! I'm scared out of my mind but I have my parents, a girl who someday I hope will be my wife, and they all love me as much as I love them. There’s a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on my table and people wanting to help me. That’s more than two thirds of the planet has. Your talk helped me Dean, helped put things in perspective. My mother told me about Kevin, I feel the same way she does. You’re so hard on yourself about what happened, but I know how lucky he was to have you, Cas, and your brother as friends. Bad things happen, despite the best intentions. He had your friendship, we’re glad to have it too.”

“You guys are really amazing, this place..it’s pretty special. I know why Linda brought Kevin back here, you’re her family. Who knows, Cas and I might come back for a visit.”

“We’d love it, you can come anytime.”

“Same with Kansas, though I’d recommend autumn...otherwise it’s either death by humidity, death by ice storms, or death by tornadoes. Then you’ve got the paranormal mixed in. Yeah...autumn is good.”

They both chuckled, Jobeka came out and sat with them while they were in a heated debate over who was hotter, ScarJo or Ruby Rose. She handed him a Four ex and put in her two cents, “If I were a lesbian I’d be all over Wonder Woman...Gal Gadot...good heavens the legs on that girl. I’d pick Wonder Woman for sure..”

Dean nearly spit his beer out, Jobeka was so awesome. “Can I switch to super heroes Alison? I like her too Jobeka, Hell my brother even said he thought I was

Wonder Woman.”

Alison and Jobeka both laughed, “What did you say to your brother?”

He shrugged his shoulders, took a swig and answered, “I said thank you.”

They sat on the porch for a little longer and Alden stopped by. The poor man had definitely not slept a wink but had been able to get home long enough for a shower and change of clothes. Jobeka welcomed him into her house and herded everyone else in as well. She served everyone some scrumptious, dairy-free ice cream Shasta had made the previous nite. Alden made his way to Dean, he hugged him tightly and thanked him for saving Nalo. It was humbling for Dean, he had great respect and saw much of himself in this leader, whom currently was quite downtrodden but trying to do right by his large family, to protect them. They discussed the lore he’d tried to go through during the day in between meeting with the hunters families for Sorry Business. He’d been able to come up with very little and Jonah had been less than helpful, he’d chosen silence after Dean left with everyone the night before. Alden was extremely worried for his people, he felt they were fish in a barrel at this point with so little to go on. Dean promised he and Cas wanted to do everything they could to help.

“You and Castiel have been a tremendous help, I fear many other brothers and sisters would also be dead now if not for your intervention. Cas’s knowledge and gifts are a blessing.”

Gilrad had come back, Dean checked his watch and it had been over an hour. Alden regarded the shaman, but looked around expectantly. Dean heard him speak in the dialect to Gilrad, “Illi neulonga neubung?”

Gilrad tried to smooth his features but couldn't quite hide the worry in his tone. “Neule weina djuya Kubun.”

_ There’s that  _ word... _ neboong something.That word that Cas doesn’t seem to like _ .

“Hey, is Cas with you?” he asked Gilrad.

“He’s back in Kubun. You can go, but be aware...this is difficult for him,” the shaman gazed at him to ensure he understood.  _ What’s difficult? What’s happened?  _ He sensed that Gilrad wouldn't say anymore and so decided to take off. He nodded at Gilrad in understanding and made for the back door. Jobeka was just coming in from grabbing more ice and Dean suddenly remembered to ask.

“Hey I’m gonna go meet Cas but there’s a word I keep hearing since we came here and I noticed he has had a weird reaction to it, I’m not sure why but can you tell me what it means?”

“Depends...if it ends up being foul and inappropriate I may be too embarrassed,” she nervously laughed.

“Alden and a few others have said something like  _ ne-boong,  _ what does it mean?”

He watched Jobeka's face go from pleasant to somewhat serious. She looked at him as if she were hesitant to respond. A few seconds later she placed her hand on his shoulder and replied, “This is something you need to ask  _ him. _ It's not my place to say, you’ll understand when you ask. Why don’t you go do that?”

_ This is making me really nervous, what if I don’t want to find out...maybe it means I’m cursed. Why did I eat so much dinner, hope I don’t get sick. _

“Yep, that’s the plan.” He bounded out the back and weaved his way in and out of the houses. Drums were lightly playing in the open area when he approached but he turned left on the path which went up the hillside. Dean could see Cas sitting on the porch of the second cottage, his heart sped up like a bullet train.  _ What could this be? Is it his grace? Jeez my stomach is hurting. Please let him be ok. _

As he got closer the feeling in his stomach got worse. Every nerve ending in his body was firing off and he noticed his mouth was suddenly very dry. When he got to Cas he sat down next to him. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what this was about.  _ Maybe if I start with something else first….. _

_ “ _ Cas…...what does  _ neboong mean?” _

Cas’s head snapped up to look at Dean. He seemed like he was in pain and scared. “Where did you hear it?” he asked.

“Heard Alden say it a few times, maybe Jonah once. You don’t seem to like it, you look sad or something when they’ve said it.”

Cas fumbled nervously with his hands, “I don’t take offense to the word.”

“Well, what’s the problem? Why do you kind of flinch when they’ve said it?”

Cas took a deep breath and looked like he was bracing himself “................................................................................husband. It’s the Yugambeh word for husband.”

“Why do they ask you about it? Is that what they call it when two guys are in a relationship? They consider us married or something?”

“They saw..see our bond and don’t understand why I don’t refer to us as married.”

“How does our bond appear to them? What do they see that gives them this impression?”  _ This is weird. _

Cas’s eyes were darting all over the place, Dean could see this was upsetting him but he needed to know  _ why _ . His own heart was pounding, the suspense was too much. Cas reached towards Dean and placed his hand over his heart, willing it to slow.

“This Dean. I gave you my heart.”

“Well..yeah you did. You have mine too” he sad putting his hand over Cas’s.

“No..I-...This  _ is  _ my heart. You’re alive because of it.”

Dean was having a hard time processing, he didn’t fully understand.

“How?”

Cas began rubbing the center of his chest in small circles, as if he had a mild itch. He dropped his hand from Dean’s chest and resumed his nervous fumbling.

“When I got you out of Hell, your soul was fading. Alistair..he-”

“Stabbed me in the side with the blade, I saw it in your dream. Then you brought me out...you were so injured Cas. I don’t know how you managed to save us. You were trying to save me but my soul was turning to silt. I saw you pour your grace into me, even as you were hemorrhaging from your own wounds. But nothing was working...you were so upset. So was Naomi...she asked you what you’d done..I saw my soul looked better but I didn’t know what you did and she was so mad at you. What did you do?!”

“I gave you my heart! It was the only way to save you and I couldn't lose you. I loved you too much. Angels have a soul component within our grace. It’s very much like a heart, the power radiating from it is immeasurable by human standards. I gave you mine so you wouldn’t die.”

_ Is this what I’ve been feeling lately? But...he.. _ ”How can you live without it? Humans can’t live without hearts.”  _ How..why would he? Why me? _

_ “ _ Your heart's function to keep you alive. Ours is……………” Cas was shaking, he was terrified.

“What..yours is what? How is it different?”

Cas tried to speak more than once, his paralytic fear was also scaring the shit out of Dean, who was already close to spiraling from the mere fact he’d been traipsing around for the last ten years with celestial heart transplant like he was the next Tony fucking Stark.

“We give it to the one we choose to marry, to bond souls with. When they are exchanged and placed within each others grace it binds us in marriage or soul bond.  I never held you in any obligation in that sense, I just couldn’t let you die. I fought so hard to find you!” Cas could feel Dean’s disbelief, his confusion setting in.

Dean stood up, “Well take it back.. I’m alive, you succeeded and I’m here. My heart works fine. Keep it, we’ll have a good life and when I’m gone maybe some years after you can find the angel of your dreams.”

That thought pretty much crushed Dean, he wasn’t sure if he could still breathe. But he wanted to give Cas his heart back, the guy was gonna live forever and he didn’t expect him to pine for eternity.

Cas recoiled as if Dean had slapped him in the face. He turned and it looked as if he might get sick. A tear fell down his cheek as he he said, “I can’t.”

_ What?  _ “Say that again?”

He turned back to Dean,“I can’t...it..it’s bound to you, it’s in your chest but it reaches through every molecule of your soul. Not only would you die, but your soul would disintegrate.”

“You can’t fix this? Cas why would you do that?”

Tears began falling down the angels face which was bone white.  _ Fix this? I thought..I felt how much he cared. This..I don’t understand...please let this be a bad dream. He used to.. but we…. I expected him to be angry, this is why I didn’t tell him. But.. he doesn’t want my heart? _

_ “ _ Angels can only give their heart once. When it is given, it can’t be taken back. I knew it would be unlikely you’d return any of my feelings, I never held you accountable! I did it because I love you and wanted to save your life!”

“You blew your one shot at love and happiness for all eternity on me?! You didn’t even know me Cas! How could you think that was ok? How can you think it’s alright to make such a commitment to someone you don’t expect anything from? Do you think that low of yourself that you don’t deserve eternal happiness with someone that can live forever? Oh my God Cas what have you done? I’m human...my lifetime to you is less than the blink of an eye. I know you love me but how can you waste something like that on  _ me _ !” Dean couldn't help the tears pouring down his face, the pain from knowing that Cas threw away his chance for love on him took his breath away.

Cas doubled over in agony, his shoulders shook violently as he sobbed. Dean’s lack of self worth was like a dull butcher knife sawing it’s way slowly into his chest. If Dean didn’t keep it under control under control it was going to kill him as surely as an angel blade through the chest.

“Why would you marry someone and not hold them accountable?” Dean demanded. Then it registered…” _ Uriel, he’s made no agreement with me, why do you speak of him as an adulterer?” _

_ Oh my God. I cheated on him, I really cheated on him...so many times! And he knew! Each time I was with someone he knew and he just shoved it down no matter how painful. How could he do that? How could he pretend it didn’t happen? _

“God dammit Cas! I take this seriously! If I ever decided to get married it would be because I was so out of my mind in love that the thought of being with someone else would make me sick! Why wouldn't you tell me you did this?”

_ Oh ….he doesn’t want my heart..or me. He..must not be in love with me like I thought..or hoped. He must be referring to marrying someone else. This hurts so much more than I ever thought possible!   _

“You are still free to marry any human you’d like. It’s an angelic marriage, not a human one. If that’s what you want...I’d never stand in your way.”

_ Is this what it feels like to die? I don’t think I can handle the pain...can’t think of him with anyone else. But if that's what he ever wanted then……..the flickering..it’s started again. It’s so unstable.. _

“It's still a marriage Cas! You really think I'm the kind of guy that would listen to this and still think 'oh it's ok, the angelic marriage part doesn't matter, the fact that he loves me and saved my life doesn't matter, I'll just go ahead and marry someone else..cuz it's a human thing'.You never gave me the chance to be the husband you deserve even if you didn’t care you were wasting it on some human.”

_ And why is that? He never told me...and I didn’t remember… _

_ “ _ Why don’t I remember Cas?” Dean asked but desperately hoped his suspicions were wrong.

Cas had been trying to hold himself together with his arms crossed, rocking back and forth slightly in an effort to listen to Dean. His mind had been slipping for several minutes but he held on for dear life if for nothing else than to make Dean understand.

“I erased your memories,” Cas barely got out, then ran around the side of the cottage to throw up.

Dean felt like he’d been hit by a rogue planet.  _ What else has he not told me? How long was I gone? He took my memories….worst violation… _

_ “ _ How long was I gone? After Hell..before earth..how long was I gone?”

Cas couldn't remember a time when he’d suffered as much as in this moment.  _ I need to hold it together, it feels like it’s expanding then shrinking, back and forth. _

“Four years. For four years you were with me and we were happy,” Cas sobbed and clawed at his chest.

“I’ll never know because you took it,” Dean stated, wishing he could rip his heart out.

He heard Cas gasp, but turned to walk away. He couldn't see every ounce of color drain from the angels face. For the first time in his life Dean understood why some people said they wanted to die. Anything…. _ anything  _ was better than this. He needed to get away, not walk it off, not meditate it out, no. He needed to leave. There was no way this was going to blow over tonight to be discussed in the morning. The future was a big question mark, but for now he needed some serious space.

Cas called after him, but all he could reply was “I can’t.”

Cas took every bit of sanity and strength he had left to reach him. “ _ Dean.” _

Dean stopped and turned, his eyes shone with the most brilliant green through his tears.

“Chuck didn’t answer my prayer for a long time either. I was tired of messing up, tired of heaven's agenda and politics. I was done with punishment and reprogramming. Everyone else behaved, everyone else did what they were told. I just was so unbelievably tired of being different and alone. So I thought maybe if I could find a soul...a rebellious one like me, anywhere in the universe maybe I couldn’t mess up...it was one soul only that I wanted to watch over, to help, to  _ love _ and for that soul to love me back. I wanted to not feel so wrong and alone anymore. But of course I committed a blasphemous sin even in my request. We aren’t supposed to want for ourselves, only the greater good and for my prayer, I was exiled. Upon my return I was given orders to retrieve a righteous man from Hell. The second I saw you I knew you were the answer to  _ my _ prayer.”

_ This is the soul! Father did you not hear me? Was I not loud enough? Am I not worthy? This is the soul! My soul! I love him...I have loved him. _

The look on Dean's face was of shock  and pure heartbreak. That did it. Cas felt Dean shatter as he gave him one last look then walked away.  

_ I..I-can’t hold this much longer. Oh God this hurts so much. He doesn't want me...he wants to rip my heart out. It’s like a prison for him...he wants me to fix it...like having it is a burden. I don’t understand..I’m not that bad at reading human emotion..or so I thought. Was I just someone to.. fill time? Have I misunderstood? Do humans feel like this about fleeting exchanges...and something much greater for those they truly love? I know I’m different, I can’t feel with the same emotional depth as they do...but I know I love him as much I can, with all of my grace. He’s never...never told me he loved me. I thought for sure I felt it so there was no need for him to say it. He’s been through so much I never expected him to..but I thought I felt it. Maybe I didn’t..more misunderstandings and mess ups. He said I blew my chance at love, with someone I could be with forever...is it my species? Surely he’s not..he doesn't...he can't be of the mindset  that he couldn't love me because we're not the same...I can’t think about existing without him. All I know is that I love him more than anything I’ve known...and apparently...that’s not enough. And he wanted to rip his..my heart out. He doesn’t know what that means...he doesn’t want me! Why did I kiss him on that airplane?!!! I was selfish! I feel like I’m dying and he’s so mad at me! C-can’t stand t-thiss………... Enough. This has to end soon..it will..I have to control it and leave. Can’t get out of the area quick enough without my wings….maybe she could do it... _ Cas got up and started walking, at first he wasn’t sure which direction to take but something was off...and then he heard the song. It was such a beautiful song...haunting, but lovely.  _ She could do this...it’s an awful burden but Dean beats impossible odds...better to save all of it if I can..just..darkness...quiet...stillness finally...done..here..or there...Sam..s-s-sorry Sam, wanted to make him happy, thought he was... I did try, really....sleep...it’ll be peaceful..still..lovely nothingness...everyone will be ok.  _ The angel ambled through forest for a while on autopilot.. searching it out, knowing the song this time was meant for him, calling to him. It wouldn't be long now…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yugambeh Translations
> 
> Illi neulonga neubung?/ Where is his husband?  
> Neule weina djuya Kubun/ He's waiting at Kubun


	22. Chapter 22

Dean was beside himself with crushing guilt, anger, and heartbreak. He shook and felt sick.  _ Why? Why me? Everything bad that’s happened to him since he saved me….Chuck what were you thinking sending him to Hell? Is he really that high on your shit list? What do you have against him? All the guy ever tried to do was help people, then help just one and he’s been through shit storm after shit storm for me. All because he asked for someone to be with. Because his dick siblings treated him like a dog. He could have anyone, you could have made anyone for him that would live forever! Why did you send him to me? I’m an insignificant human! And because of the eons of abuse he believes he deserves a human, he values himself so little he’s willing to settle for someone he doesn’t expect to uphold the sanctity of this soul bond thing.  _

_ This hurts so bad... and how could he just take my memories? Why? I had four years of happiness with him and a lifetime of fighting, losing everyone I love, Hell...this is what I’m left to remember. Was it too much to ask for me to even keep memories of pure happiness? What’s the motivation here to continue? Shit I can’t handle this...it hurts too damn much. And now he’s cursed himself by chaining his heart to my broken one. Oh God Cas..why? You mean so much to me...but you doomed yourself by saving me the way you did. I wanted so much for us...I don’t know what to do now… _

The tears were flowing in such quantity down his face he could barely see straight. He didn’t realize he'd headed for Jobeka’s house until he nearly ran into Grace who was standing outside talking to Gilrad, Alden, Jonah, and Jobeka.

_ Oh great I’m a mess and now they’ll be dragged into our crap. Like they don’t have enough on their collective plate. How friggin’ embarrassing. _

He tried to wipe his eyes before anyone saw but Grace grabbed his arm and her eyes became wide when she looked at his face.

“What’s happened Dean? Where's Castiel?”

“I-I can’t..talk about him r-right now.”

“ _ Did  _ you talk to him? Did he talk to  _ you?” _ Gilrad asked in a panicked voice?

“Yeah...he said he gave me his heart and we’re married but he wiped my memories. I can’t..he never told me, he took my...how do I even…”

“Did he tell you about his grace?” she asked, extremely concerned.

“He said he gave me his heart..a soul component built in his grace to save me.  _ Me.. _ he just wasted it on two seconds with a human when he could've held out for better, he could've had forever.”

All of them stood still as statues….there had been a vibe of chaos Dean’s subconscious had picked up when he stumbled upon the group, but not really paid attention to.

Gilrad moved closer to speak with him, “What have you done?”

“Oh my God Dean, you’ve doomed us all. He tried to tell you and you left him?” Jobeka cried, dropping to her knees.

“What are you talking about? Told me what? Why are we doomed?”

Alison came out of the house crying with Gus behind her. “Mom I’m going to the park, I have to. Come with me or don’t but I’m going.”

“Alison you can’t! We don’t know what’s out there! Please let us call for help!”

“There may not be time! We’ve already lost hours! I have to find her Mom, please!” she yelled.

Dean felt like he was in the middle of a tug-a-war with a cement truck on top of him. “Alison, is something wrong with Shasta?”

“She’s been missing for hours. Her shift ended at four, she was going to come straight home. I thought maybe she'd decided to check on her grandmother. She never showed up and when I text her all I get is the same message...to meet her in the park by Witches Falls for a night hike. She knows I’m not strong enough yet for that. She’d never have me meet her there, especially with all that’s been happening. I called the cafe, they said she’d been acting strange, then up and left at three this afternoon. Something bad has happened to her, I know it!”

Gus declared, “I’ll go with her, I’ve called Kirra and Bob to meet us in the parking lot.

Jobeka was beyond distraught and torn, she looked to her daughter, then to Dean, then back at Alison.

She took a deep breath, “Dean you  _ HAVE _ to go back and find Castiel..you  _ have  _ to. You don’t understand what you’ve done!”

She turned to her daughter, “Alison just wait a minute please!!!”

“What have I done? What’s going on with his grace?” Dean demanded to know.

Gilrad anxiously explained, “We’ve been working on it with him. We weren’t sure if it would help or not but there were a few things he’s been wanting to tell you for sometime. Being cut off from heaven, he’s had no guidance or help, not even any explanation-”

Suddenly an ear-splitting, booming sound ripped from the earth all around them. The ground shook violently. It sounded as if the entire continent was cracking and exploding. A deep humming came from below their feet, then a blinding flash pulsed from the top of the mountain into the heavens above.

Everyone except Dean began screaming, he was so confused. He imagined this was what a fallout was like, they were all waiting for the blast wave to hit and annihilate them.

“What the Hell was that?!” Dean yelled.

Gilrad stood, holding his forehead in his shaking hand, “Castiel.”

“What?! What do you mean?? Did he just blow up? We have to go find him!!!”

Gilrad held up his keys and began jogging,“His grace has been unstable for sometime. Haven’t you noticed?!”

“He’s been sleeping, dreaming, and sometimes he’ll have almost his full grace back.”

“What are angels made of?” Grace and Jonah followed.

“I don’t know.. light, stardust?”

“What happens before a star falls Dean?” Grace asked, her voice was pained.

“............it flickers, pulses, and dims, oh my God. Are you saying Cas just went nuclear?!!”

Gilrad closed his eyes before opening the car door and sighed, “Always we think so small. What happens with nuclear incident?”

“Hiroshima” Dean replied as he got in the front seat, Grace and Jonah in back. Why the hell Jonah was choosing to come Dean had no clue but it wasn’t a high priority at the moment to find out.

“He’s made of stardust, among other things...the building blocks of life. So an incident with a celestial being would not be limited to nuclear fallout.”

_ Oh Jesus Christ no…” _ Supernova.”

“But that didn’t happen. I don’t know what we’ll find...”

_ “ _ I don’t understand how...his grace has faded over the years, one angel took some of it and he’ll never get it back. He’s not as powerful as he once was..but I don’t care about that, I never have. Why didn’t he tell me?!”

“We had convinced him to, he’s been terrified of what your reaction would be,” Grace stated.

“How is this even happening though? Angels fall, some might become human, some die...how does an angel go supernova?” Dean didn’t have a clue what it all meant.

“Angels are built to obey. They have a prime directive, to follow their orders and commands from Heaven. If they choose to fall, they obtain free will. But they still have a prime directive, it shifts from following heavens orders to following their heart. Humans are built to handle strong emotions, if we suffer we can compartmentalize. Castiel loved you, longer than you can imagine. He has always put your free will first, he was willing to let you go, to have a long life even without you remembering him.”

“Gilrad he took my memories, he chose to erase them. That’s a violation I don’t think I can forgive.”

“He took them because another angel..a..uh.. Naomi commanded it. He initially refused, so she threatened him. If he didn’t do it she’d hand you to Michael on a silver platter and erase  _ his  _ memory so there'd be nobody to help you. He couldn't stand not having you even only in his thoughts so he chose to give you a life of free will, free of what you both shared. He tried to step back and watch, but...your medium friend wouldn't listen, so he accidentally and regrettably harmed her. Knowing your fate with Michael and Lucifer, well.. once he’d seen you and you him, he couldn't tear himself away. So he remained in your life, still willing to let you be with whomever you chose. He never even hoped you'd return his feelings. Not wanting to destroy the precious friendship that had developed, he denied his heart the thing it wanted most, you. Over the years his grace has dwindled and been stolen, yes. But by denying what he wanted most, he denied his prime directive which for an angel is suicide. When angels suffer as he has by ignoring his heart, their grace becomes unstable, malfunctions, and..well... his grace became a walking supernova.”

“How could he not tell me this!!!! How could he stay silent for so long? Didn’t he know? Couldn't he feel it?”

“He felt it, but didn’t understand it, didn’t know... there's very few who choose to fall, and even fewer that choose to deny their prime directives. How many angels do you know like Castiel?” Grace asked.

“But there had to be stories..rumors, accounts of something..Hell, look what happened to the nephilim, couldn't this unrequited type of thing have happened then?”

“He wouldn't have known then because he was in exile. He learned of their stories after he was allowed to return. He had done something, I’m not sure what...but he was exiled for a very long time. He missed out on so much of earth's history,” Gilrad explained.

“How long?”

“Twenty five thousand years _ -Earth years. _ ”

_ He..was exiled..for praying to be given a friend? Me..For twenty five thousand years? So he was alone...for possibly hundreds of thousands of years? For his prayer…. _ Dean had no love for most other angels but at this moment, had he the means, he would’ve lit the entire Heavenly Host with holy fire and walked away laughing. The rage he felt at what they’d done to Cas burned through him. What Chuck had allowed to happen to Cas, to him, to so many because he couldn't handle his creation lit him with a fury so intense he felt he might actually go nuclear himself.

“So what, he’s gonna die, if he hasn’t already?” The horror of it had Dean feeling like he was having an out of body experience.

“We realized right away there was something wrong with his grace. We’ve been working on ways to try to either control it’s detonation or help him complete his fall...to somehow extract his grace safely and diffuse it in a desolate area. But so far we’ve not been able to, it’s like we’re missing part of the process. All we’ve really been able to do with the Dadirri is stabilize it somewhat by calming his vessel. He’s been happy here mostly so that was a huge factor, since emotional instability was the main contributor to the problem...your time here has been good for him. It would have occurred soon anyways, but we’re glad to have had a chance to aid him in not wiping us and half the galaxy out in that moment. We need to find him and assess what’s happened” Grace divulged with extreme concern.

“So...emotional instability…” Dean couldn't get enough air in, it felt like he was having a heart attack, “the fight we just had...he was so upset. Shit..I didn’t know everything..we were both so upset. I pushed him to this didn’t I?”

Grace glanced over with eyes full of tears, “This is counter productive to you both right now. It was going to happen anyways Dean, let’s focus on getting to him first ok? If he’s still alive he’ll need you to be functional.”

_ Fuck. I did this. I pushed him...I could see him hurting and shak- “ _ When he said I hurt myself it hurts him too…”

“You carry his heart within yourself, you cannot be emotionally harmful to yourself without it harming him. So yes” Gilrad stated.

“So the last ten years...all my guilt, my anger...has hurt him too?”

“Dean….yes” Grace admitted.

“So this whole time, on top of wanting me and me not remembering or even returning my feelings, knowing when I’ve been with someone else, he’s had to shoulder all of my guilt, anger, and regret too?”

“Yes” Grace and Gilrad answered.

“And then his own crap from heaven…”

“Yes.”

Dean briefly lost consciousness for a moment. Gilrad shook him in the passenger seat. It took a few minutes to regain his clarity, “How did he not implode years ago from all this? I never knew how much he was hurting until I felt it in his dreams...he never shared any of it with me. All I ever wanted was for him to talk, about anything! I tried a few times but we’d get interrupted or he’d brush it off.”

“It’s considered blasphemy for angels to have individual feelings. Everything about them is programmed to serve the greater good. To have feelings at all..that differ from their objectives and missions is a sin. It’s easy to see why he’s hesitant to share anything with anyone.”

“You know why he was exiled? Because he felt so alone for being different that he prayed to find one single soul like himself, someone he could love and would love him back. That was the reason they exiled him.”

Grace burst into tears, Gilrad sighed.

“The last things I said to him were in anger…” Dean whispered, so crushed the air just left him.

“Let’s find him first….”Gilrad quietly said as he pulled in to Witches Falls lot. Alison, Gus, Kirra were waiting.

They all began on the track, and before they even reached the falls they heard the song…

“What is that?!” Alison hollered.

“That’s the song the witch sings. If she has Shasta we need to follow it,” Gus said.

It seemed to be leading them towards the mountain where they’d heard and felt the explosion. At this point Dean was all for going in whatever direction led him to Cas. He didn’t know what he’d find, part of him wanted to curl into a ball and tune out the world but he needed to find his angel, dead or alive. The thought nearly knocked him over.

They moved when the song began again, it would sometimes flicker in and out...it made sense now to Dean. It wasn’t a perfect replication, he could hear the subtle pauses and ticks, but it was close enough. Suddenly he knew exactly where they were being led. It had been there the whole time, Alison had said the park discovered pockets of open areas under the mountain, honeycomb-like chambers with ground penetrating radar. The mausoleum housed several drawers, some quite large. Cas has said it was customary to bury husbands and wives together, also mothers and stillborns. When he heard that song for the first time he was certain it was in the mausoleum with him. There was no bird, no Yara.. of that he was certain. But the witch had been close and the more he thought about that proximity and why, it gave him the chills.

“I know a way into the mountain,” Dean huffed as they raced along the hiking track. They followed him to the entrance of the cemetery and through the gates. It was far more dark down that path, he wished they had flashlights but nothing now could be done. He only hoped they could get into the mausoleum, after the earthquake it wasn't a high priority fix and there were several slabs that had fallen and may have collapsed the structure itself from the aftershocks. The tombstones were still toppled and broken, scattered all over.

“Be careful, look where you’re stepping. We need to get into the mausoleum...there’s an entrance in there to where she holes up.”

He carefully jumped and sprinted through the crumbled marble orchard. A few pieces of stone which had fallen with the quake lay haphazardly in front of the mausoleum door. Dean and Gilrad were able to move all but one, with Grace and Gus’s help they cleared it and carefully made their way in. The structure was anything but sound, however nobody would turn away on such a technicality given there were lives at stake. The song swirled through the air in the mausoleum and gave everyone the chills. It sounded identical to what Dean had heard. They climbed over slabs of stone and chunks of glass, a newer mandala had been painted on the back wall and under it they could see and smell evidence of new offerings. Dean went directly for the sarcophagi against the back wall on the bottom.

“I’m gonna need help pulling the casket out and we’ll have to be careful...not sure how stable this place is anymore.” He took one end of the casket drawers hanging handle and Gus grabbed the other. They both inched it out slowly, and found the remains of two skeletons. One adult size with fresh hibiscus around the head like a halo and another delicately placed around the remains of an infant held close by it's mother. These were of course not the remains of Altina and her child but the fresh flowers placed so carefully were an obvious sign of her presence and activity. Dean and Gus continued to gently pull out the casket, there were too many stones lying around to place mother and child flat on the floor. Gilrad and Grace moved what they could so that the casket was propped up at a 45° angle and supported so it wouldn't fall over. Dean began pushing on the inside walls of the sarcophagus. Toward the back there was a section of wood rather than stone which dropped straight down but without a flashlight it could've dropped 10,000 feet for all he knew. Alison had a flashlight on her phone so he grabbed it and crawled back in the small space. It was so dusty and riddled with cobwebs his heart nearly stopped twice at the thought of what might be lurking there ready to pounce. He pushed the section of wood out and immediately the song started again. He could see steps that led down a hole of sorts...normally he’d be making hobbit jokes right about now but not knowing Cas’s fate it was the last thing on his mind. He just hoped they could all fit down there.

“I’ll go first, the steps don’t seem too bad but squeezing through could be a problem for some us.”

He backed out and put his feet in first, inching forward he flipped onto his stomach and shimmed backwards until he felt a draft by his feet and began to lower them. It was freaking him out beyond belief, but he stuffed it down because all he could think about was Cas. Being the tallest among the group, he was a good test and fortunately he passed. Once down onto the first step, he whispered for Grace or Alison to come next. They both got through in a breeze and Jonah came next, then Gus, Grace, and finally Gilrad. They had no light save the phone, it was so dark that even holding the phone far out in front of him, he found himself instinctively putting his other hand in front and stepping cautiously in case they hit a dead end or the steps dropped off. It smelled unholy in there, the dirt was wet and moldy. There were other scents, perhaps dead animals or live ones...hard to tell in this setting. Dean got the impression this was the closest he’d ever get or want to get to an Indiana Jones Temple of Doom moment with the dark hallways crawling with bugs. Every step they took disturbed the tunnel, dirt and dust fell on them constantly, and his stomach turned as crunches could be heard everywhere they stepped.  It had started out at a stifling temperature, they all were drenched in sweat as they made their way down the stairs, but the further they descended the colder it became. Yet, there was no relief to be had because the thought of what awaited them was so terrifying it was all they could focus on. Nobody knew if Shasta and Cas were alive or dead, nor did they have a plan in place once they did find them. But it wasn't the first time Dean had gone into a trap guns a blazin’ without a hope and a prayer of a favorable outcome.

Their descent began to widen and fan out, the ground became more even. The stone steps covered in earth were so aged that with every trudge forward they crumbled. The song picked up again and the voice was eerily close, with seemingly nothing but dirt around them the sound didn’t bounce or echo and it felt alarmingly near, as if she were serenading them from two feet away in pitch black.

“Dean put the light out” Alison whispered.

He shook the phone and it turned off. At first he couldn't see for shit, he thought it would be the perfect moment for the witch to pop out and turn them into a steaming pile of intestines. A faint, flickering light began to appear like a candle at the end of a long tunnel. The group became aware of the hallway widening and cold moisture in the air. The hallway veered to the right and the ground became more solid. The few sounds that were audible had a faint echo. Jonah suddenly made a kind of gasp and then a hissing sound behind them.

“Jonah, minyung wahlu munai?” Grace asked quietly.

“Thung wulbungunn” Jonah whispered in reply.

“She is very close,” Grace stated.

The smells of mold and death were stifling, nearly everyone had their nose and face covered. Every sense was assaulted by the environment, Dean was reminded that Cas had said the Yara did not like where the witch had chosen to reside. The group carefully rounded the last corner and found themselves in a cavernous pocket of the mountain which appeared to be an ancient room carved within the mountain from a time lost to memory. The ceiling was extremely high, perhaps thirty to forty feet or more and at the edge of the room wide stairs led to an altar and candles. Dean squinted his eyes, even with the candles it was very difficult to see and even harder to breath. He heard a scream from Alison at the same moment he spotted Cas at the foot of the stairs in the far right corner, lying in an unnatural position. Shasta was unconscious and pinned to the opposite wall by something that resembled bone, piercing her arms and legs in a chilling position reminiscent of the crucifixion. Both Dean and Alison sprinted towards them and were instantly thrown back as if they’d hit an invisible barrier.

“Unyah kubun,” a terrifying voice calmly sang behind them.

They all whipped around in reaction to the unexpected salutation from the woman standing against the left side of wall they’d passed upon entering. She was horrific, yet beautiful to look upon. Her hair fell far below her waist in a brilliant cascade of black and silver, it curled and waved with leaves, small twigs, and other debris giving her the appearance of a wood nymph or some other natural forest spirit. Yet they knew she was anything but a spirit. Her sari was browned with dirt and mud, ribbons of it stuck out every which way, tangled from eons of neglect. Her eyes glowed an orangish yellow and her pale face caused them to cringe from the soft, sinister smile she wore in greeting for them. Dean tore his eyes from her to see if Cas was breathing, in the dim light it was hard to tell but it looked like he wasn’t.

“Cas..” he managed to softly cry out, his voice breaking with emotion. Tears fell as he realized his angel was probably gone. He couldn't see any scorch marks from his wings, but in the caverns’ light he couldn't see much of anything.

The witch’s head snapped towards Dean, she slunk over to him with inhuman speed like something straight out of a horror movie. Grace and Gilrad were startled by the unnatural movement and jumped back, Dean looked up just in time for her to appear inches from his face. Her eyes bore into him with a hatred so fierce it sickened him.

“Bullonga jimme?” she asked him with venom dripping in her tone.

He sat up and growled right back in her face  “Yau,  _ unyah neubung”,  _ then grabbing her hand he pressed it to his chest. She ripped her hand away as if it had been shocked.

“Neulonga dulgo?” she murmured. She stared off into space for a moment, then leaned back into him with a cruel gleam in her eyes….which began glowing a cerulean blue. She laughed at Dean in obvious victory, his face showed only rancor but inside he was falling apart, piece by piece.  _ The bitch has his grace,jeezus Cas no... she must’ve ripped it out of him. I can’t...can’t think..wanna kill her. _

_ “ _ Altina!” Jonah yelled more loudly than anyone expected he was capable of. He began speaking to her in an ancient tongue, Dean thought he could hear some Enochian woven in with Jonah’s speech but he was so broken at the thought of Cas being gone and his grace in this she-bitch it was hard to think straight. Her face froze like it was made of stone at Jonah’s words, anger burned and simmered within her. Dean could hear Gus begin to plead in Yugambeh with her, she whipped her head towards him with alarming precision. He cringed but began uttering words in the dialect and rolling his hands together. Light emanated from his hands and he pushed it towards her with ferocious strength. She barely lifted her hand to block it, with a sadistic smile she sent it sailing to the other side of the cavern. It hit just above Shasta’s head and a chunk of stone was cut, it slid and dropped down but not before cutting her head as it fell to the ground and crumbled.

“Shasta!!! No no no!!” Alison cried, she ripped off her shirt and tried to reach her girlfriend again but was thrown back once more. “Please!! Please let me through!” she sobbed hysterically at Altina.

The witch scurried over to her in the same manner as Dean but grabbed Alison by the neck and lifted her to full height. She tilted her head in examination, smelling Alison and scanning with the grace in her eyes that once glowed blue for Dean.

“Wahlu kilung ngolongmai, yana! Nya bullongi munai bullogahn yaghurrie….” she threw Alison halfway across the room to Shasta. She landed hard, her leg snapped with a grotesque crunching sound. Gus began another spell but before the words could leave his mouth Altina turned her wrist and Gus fell, neck broken and dead before he hit the ground.

“God dammit NO!” Dean bellowed, getting up from the floor.

Jonah had already been speaking in the ancient tongue again, and in response Altina began laughing with evident sociopathy. She spoke back in mocking intonation, tempting him or egging him on.

“Ol Ipamis pon mahiyam! Ol ipamis noasmi kris, rakshati gaha ollor ol atman! Olani gemeganza nenni ol pratikar niis loncho samay!” Altina screamed in both amusement and rage.

It was then that Dean felt something in the cavern change, the vibe was shifting second to second indicating someone or something was arriving...a wind kicked up from out of nowhere and swirled around everyone. Grace ran to help Alison while dirt and dust were thrown in every direction, Alison grabbed her shirt and shielded Shasta from the debris. Grace took off the silk scarf she’d been wearing and slipped it under Alison's hand applying pressure to the head wound which bled profusely. Gilrad tried running to Cas but the witch threw him back, slamming him into Dean. They both fell over onto the floor as something moved over them. Both immediately had the chills and felt the presence of an extremely powerful being. Jonah kept his chanting and the witch stared at him with demonic fury, she tried to move her arms to stop him but found she was unable. Her eyes blazed and she screamed at him, cursing him. He reacted as if being flailed, cuts and chunks of skin were flying from his face and neck, blood from his head and back sprayed the walls yet he refused to cease his spell. Dean could see faint glimmers of something incandescent moving along the cavern floor and around himself, Jonah, and Gilrad. He nearly threw up from fear when he realized it was an enormous snake slithering and coiling around all of them. He tried to pull out a knife but Gilrad yelled “No you mustn't!!! Listen to Jonah! He’s calling her forth!”

“The witch? She’s gonna kill us all if this thing doesn’t do it for her! I’ve gotta get Cas outta here!”

“Not Altina, our Mother, the Rainbow Serpent! She is called upon only in the most dire of times and only by the most powerful shamans in existence! Let her be!”

Dean had always heard of various cultures having a Rainbow Serpent myth but never gave credence to the validity of it. He was learning this train of thought was lethal. The more the serpent coiled the more it became corporeal, Dean could see the the colors glistening off her scales with every turn and slither. Altina became increasingly more furious, screaming at Jonah who was deflecting her spells now, despite being grievously injured. She was being squeezed so tightly her eyes began bulging and their color quickly shifted from orange to blue and back again.

“He’s summoned her to bind Shaheenah, it’s one of the only beings powerful enough to hold her while he continues casting other spells. He must know one to finish her off!” Gilrad yelled to Dean. They were standing side by side but the wind was so strong and loud it was hard to hear him despite their proximity.

Jonah began waving his hands and arms in an oval motion, placing emphasis on the turn of the outward movement and its direct opposite. It appeared as if he would be flinging something toward her and also pulling something back. It hit Dean that the motions were that of a boomerang. A faint light trail began following Jonah's hands as they flung around above his head and around his body like an oval hula hoop. He moved faster and faster, the light became a more solid ring around himself. Dean could see the serpent's head next to Shaheenah’s head, it shook then glared at Jonah. She opened her mouth and hissed at him, as if signaling it was time. The witch could barely move her head and was screaming so loud their ears were hurting as if a banshee was crying. Jonah made one last long, grand movement and forced the light out from himself, it shot at the witch and wrapped around her head. The serpent uncoiled slightly as the light moved from her head to her neck. It didn’t release her head but continued down as if it were a never ending ribbon, swathing her in it's light as it continued the path, enveloping her struggling form. Jonah was winding up and pushed forth the last syllable of his spell, he pulled the light from her in many different directions, breaking her into pieces and then drew all of it like an elastic band back within himself. He glowed like dozens of orange and blue planets and moons orbiting one another, it was the most stunning thing to behold. Suddenly it seemed he would detonate, the pulsing behind each orb was getting stronger, so strong that everyone still alive had begun raising their hands in front of them to shield themselves in vain from whatever event was doomed to occur. As the light from within Jonah seemed it could hold no longer the serpent raised herself, hissing, shaking her head and body which made odd clicking sounds. She struck so fast it was a flash and blur, consuming Jonah, light and all, then disappearing into the void. The sudden silence was deafening as dirt, dust, and all other manner of debris settled in the wake of Jonah’s disappearance.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yugambeh Translations
> 
> Grace: Minyung wahlu munai? / What are you feeling?  
> Jonah: Thung wulbungunn/ She’s close  
> _________________________________
> 
> Altina: Unyah kubun/ My hollow  
> Altina: Bullonga jimme?/ Your angel?  
> Dean: Yau, unyah neubung/ Yes, my husband.  
> Altina: Neulonga dulgo?/ His heart?  
> _________________________________
> 
> Altina: Wahlu kilung ngolongmai, yana! Nya bullongi yaghurrie /You will die soon anyways, go! See to your feeling spirit girl.  
> Altina to Jonah(in blend of Tamil & Enochian): You cannot destroy me! This cannot be done save by a creator spirit! I shall have my revenge for all time!


	23. Chapter 23

Dean could hear the sobs from Alison and Grace's attempts to sooth her. He could hear Gilrad trying to make a call for help from his phone, though it seemed there was no service. He thought he might’ve even heard voices from back deep in the tunnel but he couldn't concentrate on them, they moved in and out of his mind like fading pieces of speech. All he knew was Cas, his angel, was lying there with no breath, no heartbeat, no grace, and seemingly no life. There weren't any wing burns but he hadn’t been stabbed by a blade so perhaps their absence didn’t mean anything….or maybe it meant something. Dean just didn’t know, because all he heard and all he knew was his own voice screaming at Cas to wake up, screaming at him to breath, and the impact of his fists as they hit and compressed his angels chest, cracking and splintering his ribs in the process. The movies get it wrong….the shows….tv..always get it wrong. They don’t show the deeper compressions necessary to keep the heart beating, they don’t allow you to hear the pitch of air that comes out in all possible tones, they damn well don’t let you hear the sternum and ribcage crack and break which indicate you’re compressing correctly. It’s sickening, and all most people see is the tip of the iceberg on those stupid emergency shows. Dean was on autopilot as he performed CPR on the lifeless body of the love of his life. He just wasn’t letting go, he could never let go. 

Voices from the tunnel where louder now, but he didn’t care, they didn’t effect him. It was only him and Cas...the rest of the universe was stopped, on pause, in slow-mo. But many people were there now, some he knew, some he didn’t. He wanted only those that could help, if they couldn't then he wanted to be left alone with Cas, to save him all by himself. The echos were deafening... _ why is it so loud?  Goddammit get the fuck off me! Don’t touch him he’s not back yet! Touch me again and I swear it’ll the last thing you do! Gilrad Goddammit don't let them touch him! What’s wrong with you why the Hell are you pushing me? Seriously what the fuck is that light getitawayfrommeyousonuvabitchorI’llkillyo-  _ the last thing Dean remembered was a pained look in Gilrad’s eyes before the shaman somehow blasted him with a light.

Dean awoke to the sound of a car engine... _ that ain’t Baby but it sure sounds nice! What is it? Hmm..not Malibu..Mal..Callum..Jobeka.. Gilrad...shaman, spell, witc-CAS!!!!! CAS!!! “ _ CAS!!!” He screamed and gasped for air all at once.

“Calm! Dean we’re going to the hospital right now, we’ll be there in fifteen minutes just hang on!” Gilrad pressed his left hand against Dean's chest and kept the other on the steering wheel. Both were absolutely filthy, Gilrad was covered in blood but as Dean tried to process what had happened, what was still happening, he looked himself over and couldn't find any besides a few drops from his mouth probably from when Gilrad was knocked back into him.

“What did they do to Cas? Did they get him breathing? Did they get his heart beating again?” Dean frantically asked.

“I don’t know, the ambulances were rushing both Castiel and Shasta to the HeliPad when we left. I’m sorry I had to knock you out, you were confused and became combative, you weren't allowing the paramedics to work on him.”

Dean couldn't...he just couldn’t. Terrified, sickened, shattered, destroyed...none of those could hold a candle to what he was feeling right then. So he just remained silent until they drove into Pindara parking lot and ran into emergency to hear the status on Cas and Shasta. Both were in the trauma bays, both had a heart beat, although Shasta was in A-Fib and Cas was brady, he wasn’t breathing on his own. As Jobeka, Alden, and Arri raced in they were all told both still were fighting. It seemed like hours had gone by, Dean knew he should say something to someone...people where talking, nervously asking questions around him. He should be polite, supportive even, but part of him had snapped and survival mode was all he knew. This meant half his brain had checked out and the other half would only be capable of acknowledging a doctor come to bring him news on Cas. Just then a doctor did come in, but it was for Jobeka. Alison had been brought in via regular ambulance services and was in the process of being admitted. Alden went with her while Gilrad stayed with Dean. Finally a doctor called for the family of a Castiel Novak-Winchester, Dean trudged forward like a robot and Gilrad followed behind as they went to a quiet room down the corridor. Dean braced himself, it looked like one of those small rooms in which families were given bad news about a loved one that couldn't be saved. Dean started shaking so badly he almost couldn't form words.

The woman who’d summoned them from the waiting room introduced herself, “Hello I’m Dr. Sierra Addams, who is next of kin for Mr. Novak-Winchester?”

Dean raised a very shaky hand that was beginning to get clammy.

“What is your relationship to the patient?”

“He’s m-my husband, I’m Dean Winchester” he whispered almost inaudibly, his voice breaking with emotion.

“Nice to meet you Dean. What can you tell me about his medical history?”

All he had to go on was what he knew of Jimmy so he was as forthcoming as he could be. “He’s perfectly healthy, always taken care to stay in shape, takes his vitamins. No allergies to medications or latex that I’m aware of.”

“That’s good to hear. I’ll cut to the chase in regards to your husband's condition, his heart rate stabilized finally, he sustained a few broken ribs, minor cuts and lacerations but the challenge now is that he’s currently unable to breathe on his own. Imaging shows bruising of the lungs which we expect to find when CPR is administered. We’ve done imaging to check for head and neck injuries, there appears to be none and yet most of his neural waves are inactive. We categorize this lack of activity as Background Supression, which means he’s hovering around ten percent function overall. Can you tell me what happened to him?”

Dean shook his head but Gilrad piped up and explained, “A few of our friends, Alison and Shasta who are here as well, were out for an evening walk in Tamborine, we received a text about an animal attack so we all went to find them. Castiel called saying he’d found them but when we got there we found him like this.”

Dean was thankful for Gilrad’s explanation, normally he was quick on the draw with creative reasons for being strange places at strange times but he couldn't think straight at the moment.

“What’s his outlook? How long til he gets better?” Dean quietly questioned.

“We really can’t say. If the body induces a coma naturally to protect itself and/or heal we’d typically see Burst Suppression waves which are more frequent in their patterns, even a medically induced coma would emit far more activity. Your husband is hovering in area very few recover from, and if they do their lives are quite impaired. Without knowing what happened it would be dangerous to attempt any kind of treatment. You’re on holiday here correct?”

Dean nodded his head, “Yes visiting friends in the Tamborine area.”

“Does he have an Advance Directive back home?” Sierra asked delicately.

“What’s that?”

“Documents outlining his specific wishes in case of an event such as this.”

“No, but he trusts me to make decisions in his best interest.”

“I see, well we can wait...perhaps give him some time to see if he regains any function, however, it’s imperative you understand the odds in order to make the right choice for you both. We’re waiting on a few more tests then he’ll be moved upstairs to the Neuro I.C.U. We’ll call you once he’s settled and you can be with him. However we can’t allow either of you in the unit until you’ve cleaned up a bit I’m afraid. Immunity is significant concern for our patients there, we have a few sleeping quarters here for acute patients with family from out of town. You’re welcome to clean up in one of them.”

Dean thanked her and Gilrad said he’d go back to grab clothes for him from the cottage and get cleaned up himself. Two hours later Dean was showered, changed, and being led through corridors to the Neuro I.C.U. A kind nurse greeted him with a pleasant, calming smile as he walked into the room. He’d placed a chair for Dean on the side of the bed with the least amount of leads and tubes. It was an overwhelming picture to take in, the nurse was familiar with this so he was quiet and calm when introducing himself.

“Hello Mr. Winchester, I’m Marcel. Feel free to flag me down anytime you have a question or concern about your husband. We encourage you to touch him and talk to him as much as you’d like. The monitors like to alarm often, but we oversee from the nurses station and will silence them there. Usually it’s a minor notification, but we we evaluate and come in right away when necessary. The visiting hours on our I.C.U.’s are 24/7 so don’t ever feel rushed out. Also, please let me know what I can do or bring for you to make this more comfortable.”

_ Glad someone nice will be with Cas.“ _ Thank you..Marcel, was it? You can call me Dean.”

“Yes, please call me for any reason Dean. I’ll leave you for a bit now.”

It was 1am and Dean had the silence and solitude he’d been craving from the moment he’d arrived. How things had gone so wrong so quickly was something that just wouldn't sink in. Part of Dean’s mind seemed to be shut off, the part that cared about anything else in the universe outside the four clear walls of the room he now resided in with his sleeping angel. He sat there wondering if he’d ever be lucky enough to see the deep blue brilliant life in his lovers eyes again.

**Day 1**

Dean wouldn't eat. He listened to the doctors and nurses, responded with the most intelligible answers he could muster. The information was absorbing in his mind when medical staff spoke to him, he kept it locked tight in his mind. Grace came and sat with him, not a word passed between them. By choice he got up, sat on the little couch, and practiced Dadirri while Grace placed her hand in Cas’s where Deans had been for the last 12 hours. He was grateful for that, and afterwards reclaimed Cas’s hand, existing in silence with Grace for another 7 or 8 hours until she needed to go.

**Day 2**

  
  
  
**Day 3**

  
  
  
**Day 4**

Dean passed out from lack of food, Grace insisted he get soup in him when he stubbornly indicated he couldn’t stomach anything. Normally he’d flat out refuse anything, it was his typical M.O. But he knew how well that had worked in the past, so he ate four spoonfuls. Then he chucked it right up. He wasn’t doing it on purpose, he kept himself hydrated with plenty of water. He wanted to be strong for when Cas woke up but his stomach wouldn't get on the same page. So the nurses brought in juice and protein shakes. He dutifully drank them. Grace continued her persistent company each day, despite the guaranteed silence. Dean appreciated the gesture more than she could know, he just wasn’t capable of bringing himself to say anything to anyone. Not even to Cas. Not a word, nor a prayer. The words simply wouldn't come. Yet he drank water, forced himself to consume a few sips of liquid nutrition, and practiced Dadirri. Most patients never woke up, but Cas wasn’t most patients and Dean would cling to that last sliver of hope with his very last breath.

**Day 6**

  
  


**Day 7**

  
  


**Day 8**

Dean had his overnight bag with him. He showered each day, but didn’t care to shave. He put dozens of songs on his iPod, Marcel allowed him to put the bed rail down so he could rest his head comfortably next to Cas and listen to every Sam Cooke song ever released.

 

**Day 9**

Dean began singing to Cas, he found it was the only way he could communicate to him, the only way relevant words would come. So he sang along with Sam Cooke for hours on end until his voice disappeared. He did it because his angel had said he loved both their voices and two is better than one.

 

**Day 10**

Jobeka came to see Dean and Cas, she never uttered a word but sat next to Dean and placed her arm around him, she was pleased when he leaned into her. She stayed for a few hours, kissed Dean on the cheek, squeezed Cas’s other hand, and with a smile she left. He felt badly about not asking how Alison was, but he figured he might completely lose whatever composure he was managing to display if Shasta hadn’t survived so he thought it best to let it be for now.

 

**Day 11**

  
  


**Day 12**

Grace visited and made sure to bring him some chocolatey milkshake goodness. Dean sipped on it all day. She also brought a few other items such as Cas’s ID, cell phone, and the books Dean picked up at the used bookstore. He plugged the charger into the phone and forgot about it. He played more songs for Cas, some they’d listened to the night of their first official date, some from other quiet moments they’d shared. Dean sat with him for hours lacing their fingers together and kissing his hand. He drank, he ate, he practiced Dadirri, and held Cas. Sam had been texting more frequently, his intuition was dead on that something was amiss, but Dean refused to acknowledge it. He kept him at bay with blanket replies, but assured him he would notify when they were headed home.

 

**Day 13**

Dean didn’t need to hear the doubt in the specialists voice, he didn’t want to sense the lack of hope in other staff who periodically wandered in to check up. In fact all the interaction he wanted was from Marcel, he was a positive person without being overly cheerful or annoying. He took Dean's feelings seriously, never pestered him to get rest or eat, and never casually threw about the perfunctory “it’ll be ok.”

Taking out his iPod, he brought up Cas’s favorite song for possibly the 70th time, closed his eyes, held his angels hand, and sung softly beside him. He’d grown to love the song passionately and let the notes his voice serenaded with pull from the depths of his soul…

 

“ _ I was born by the river in a little tent _

_ Oh, and just like the river I’ve been running ever since……. _

 

_ There been times when I thought I couldn't last for long.  _

_ But now I think I’m able to carry on. _

_ It’s been a long, a long time coming _

_ But I know change gon’ come, oh yes it will” _

 

Dean sang until his voice disappeared again and stared at Cas for a very long time, wishing he could see the beautiful oceans. But he needed to distract himself from going completely south so he pulled out his Gilgamesh book and read the last few chapters to Cas, all that was left was a whisper in his throat but he would finish this story come Hell or high water. He was stunned at the end. The story itself had been amazing but as he turned the last page he saw handwriting below the last paragraph, Cas’s beautiful, perfect handwriting:

“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend”-Martin Luther King Jr.

 

_ Dean, _

_ Know your enemy as I know him, love him as fiercely as I love him, and he shall be your enemy no more. _

 

A dam broke inside Dean, everything he’d felt from the time he saw Cas in the cavern, all he’d wanted to say to him poured out like the Great Deluge. Tears finally came with streams of words, devotions, and prayers all at once. He held Cas’s face carefully and placed his forehead against the being he loved more than life itself.

“Jesus Cas I’m so sorry! For everything! I never knew what you carried, how it hurt you. We could’ve had so much longer together if I’d gotten over myself and been who you needed and deserved! You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in this life and the next, you’re perfect and beautiful and you never stop caring or give up, especially on me. When I’d given up on myself, you never did. When I wallowed in misery and hated myself you must’ve felt like you were dying, because I sure did... but you pushed through it to stay my best friend. It’s true...I know my enemy, like you know him. He’s been here all along waiting for me to love him. I never understood until now, I can’t be the best version of myself for you and Sam the way you both need me be until I forgive and love myself. You’re the best version of  _ me,  _ you show me everyday how I should be treating myself and I need you to come back because I love you Cas! Dammit!! I love you so so much...please, please don’t leave me, not after all we’ve fought through to get here! Angel, human, or alien I don’t care Cas just come back to me please!” he begged as his voice barked and cracked with heartbreak.

The monitors were starting to alarm and Dean jumped in fear and shock. He reached out for Cas but quickly pulled his arms back around himself, “oh no..no no no….oh God Cas no you can’t ..can’t..you  _ can’t  _ go. I’m sorry...I’m so sorry I love you don’t do this…... _ please……”  _ There was no adrenaline left in Dean's body, it had been on a constant burn the last two weeks and at that critical moment he had nothing left. His world was crashing down around him like the most fucked up game of Jenga. No matter how skilled or steady his hands, he could not pull Cas safely out from the falling structure, nor could he save himself. He dropped his head on Cas’s stomach, threw his arms around his angel and just cried hysterically for who knows how long. The monitors suddenly stopped...all of them...at exactly the same time, the air in the room fizzled a bit, and Dean heard a voice, calm and firm.

“Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I’ve encountered on my travels,his was the most... _ human.” _

_ It’s a beautiful thing to say, oh it’s Nurse Rick..hoooold the fuck up-  _ “Who the Hell are you?! What are you? Chuck? Gabriel? You think think this some game?!?!?!” Dean’s voice boomed as he shot up out of his chair and sent it flying across the floor. “He’s dying and you come in here quoting Captain Kirk? WHO ARE YOU?!”

“Never pretended to be anyone I’m not. I’ve only ever been exactly who I am, and always will be. Rikbiel, lower tier Rit Zien.”

Dean’s red rimmed eyes became huge with realization and fear. “Hospital...a multitude of people suffering, in pain. This must be the ultimate Caesar’s Palace Buffet for you...I’ve got news for you ..over my dead body..and his.”

Rikbiel smiled in calm, mild amusement and said, “Dean you misunderstand completely. When this one here cast us out of Heaven, I saw my chance... ran as fast and far as I could with it. Surely you can understand the pressures of working in a family business, a life you seemed predestined for, but certainly never wanted. Everyday I deny the very nature of the purpose my father made me for, instead I choose to save people. It’s far more satisfying than I ever dreamed. I come today with glad tidings, for you both...if you’ll allow me to explain?”

Dean wasn’t sure he could handle anymore surprises that didn’t result in Cas returning good and alive. He merely looked at Rikbiel in curiousity. Then Gilrad and Kirra entered the room, their faces full of nervous, excited energy. Kirra approached Dean carefully, “We prayed, for him..for you both. We looked everywhere we could think of for a way to help Castiel. Rikbiel heard our prayers and offered a solution.

“A solution? To heal him? Bring him back to me?” Dean asked flatly. He couldn't afford to put hope in a place that wouldn't yield results.

“Yes, but he’ll be different Dean. Almost completely human. This will be devastating for him,” Rikbiel cautioned.

“I can work with devastated Rick, can’t do much with dead. As you apparently know, this won’t be unchartered territory for him.”

“You hold his soul within you, rather the part of our grace and light that functions as such. It’s more powerful than you can ever imagine, overkill for just one person. It cannot wholly be removed from you, but your friends here should be able to extract about half and place it back within Castiel. A transplant, so to speak. We do many here at Pindara, although I’m certain this will be the first of it's kind. I’ve secured a bed on my unit for the procedure….should you agree to it. They’ll remove the soul and I’ll bring it here. I’ll also infuse some of my grace to ensure it anchors within him successfully. It would in no way be part of your bond, and would diminish in time, leaving him roughly 95% human. Is this an option you’re willing to contemplate?”

It took Dean a few moments to register... _ they’d take half of Cas’s soul from me and it would bring him back…” _ It won’t affect our bond? Like, dissolve our marriage or anything?”

“Heavens, no. Your soul, his grace..they’ve been settled together for a decade and now recently..eh...activated I guess you could say. No, nothing in this universe will affect that bond.”

“Then Hell yes. When can we get a move on?” Dean’s voice cracked and wavered. He hugged Rikbiel tight, the angel returned the hug with equal intensity and smiled, “Now.”

As they all prepared to leave for the other unit, Dean gave Cas a kiss on the forehead and whispered in his ear, “Don’t give up just yet...please angel, hear me. I’m coming, help is coming. I love you Cas. See you soon.”

They walked on to Rikbiel’s unit and Dean followed him into a small corner room with one bed. Gilrad and Kirra came in and he noticed they had backpacks with them. “Spell ingredients, supplies...you’ll be asleep of course. We’ll wake you when it's complete,” Kirra explained to him.

Dean made a request before he went to sleep, then laid on the bed nervously. Rikbiel gave him one last smile before lightly touching his forehead, and he was out.

~*~*~

He remembered Rikbiel touching his forehead, now he opened his eyes and the angel was there next to him, with a pleasant greeting in his expression.

“Did it work? Is he alright?” Dean asked frantically.

“My part is finished, it’s done. His soul is residing comfortably inside him. Now the last part,  _ your _ part, has come. He must return slowly to avoid shock and confusion to his vessel, also for his recovery to appear miraculous yet realistic nonetheless. Castiel waits for you upstairs, breathe life into him Dean. Give him a reason to live.”

_ What of he doesn’t want to see me? What if I’ve hurt him too much this time? Not sure I can survive that. But even if he hates me...he’s alive. _

_ “ _ Dean whatever you’re thinking, remember what you both have endured already and that he’s remained by your side despite it all. If he is to return, you must bring him back with strong faith in yourself and your bond,” Rikbiel advised.

Just then, Dean knew exactly what he needed to do, and it  _ had _ to happen before he saw Cas.  

“Is Grace here?”

“Gilrad is, he’s with Castiel, I’ll get him” the angel said as he loped out of the room with a pep in his step.

Moments later Rikbiel returned with Gilrad, who looked very inquisitive.

“Is Grace around?” Dean asked.

“No but she’s nearby with Callum. Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Sorry man, I need Grace for this. It’s kind of her thing…..”

Gilrad got a huge grin on his face, similar to incredible relief. “I’ll get her right over.”

When Grace appeared in the room she looked frazzled and panicked. Obviously Gilrad hadn’t specified the nature of the urgency so she rushed to sit beside Dean. Looking at him she began to see a difference from the shell of a man he’d been the last few weeks. “What’s happened, I’ve missed something big haven’t I?” she whispered, hope returning in her tone.

“We’ve returned a part of Cas’s soul to him, now Dean will bring him back,” Gilrad proudly declared.

Grace’s expression lit up and she shook from happiness. Covering her mouth with both hands, her eyes shimmered and she turned to Dean, taking him in.  “You’re finally ready, aren’t you?”

The fear of what he was about to do was paralyzing, the only thing that terrified him more was permanently losing Cas. His angel had shouldered and lived with far worse and never said a word, if Cas could survive that kind of pain for him, Dean would face his own pain for his husband, only all at once. So he took a deep breath and nodded, his fists were knots in his lap.

“I think we’ll leave you both to it then,” Gilrad sang cheerfully as he and Rikbiel left the room.

Dean didn’t know how long he sat there with Grace, he lost count of how many tiny hospital boxes of tissues they went through. He would refer to this pivotal afternoon for decades to come as “the purge.” Starting with those that had sinned against him, he told Grace everything, he spoke of every person he could think of in his life that had hurt him in one way or another. Then he wanted it out, all the toxicity and hate his soul clung too and forgave each of the people who'd sinned against him.

He took a break and downed some water, then ripped off the band aid and pulled every sin great or small from his soul. Each one felt like he was ripping out barbed porcupine quills as he confessed sins he’d committed against others that shaped his life into what it had become. Then he confessed the darkest of sins….against himself. It pained him more than almost every other confession combined to admit the years of harm he’d done to himself and by extension Sam, Bobby, and so many others. But he found that hurting Cas was the hardest thing to let go of.  Like the Dadirri practice, forgiving himself for his sins against those he cherishes most, including now himself, would take time and constant focus. But if this meant he could have a full, healthy life with Cas then he decided he’d finally place the necessary trust and faith in himself. So, after letting go of so much turmoil, he finally believed when he faltered Cas would be there to remind him how worthy he was of happiness.

“I’m so proud of you Dean. My heart truly breaks for the life you've had to live and the people you’ve lost. You’ve finally let go of so much, I wish you could see how nicely you’ve cleaned up!” Grace exclaimed.

Dean's eyes squinted into a smile that read, “I’m just about done. I need to save Cas and then I may need a 72 hour nap.”

“How do you feel?” Grace asked.

“Really, really tired.”

“I expected as much. Let's get you up to Castiel,” she advised and helped heave him off the bed.

It was dark outside, Rikbiel had come to him in the afternoon so between the soul transfer and his purge with Grace, he’d obviously missed a good portion of the day. The only thing his heart wanted was to be with Cas, now that he cleared up several lifetimes worth of sin spots and smudges, he hoped it was a kindness to himself that would echo in Cas’s soul and give him the healthiest start possible in this new life. He walked through the door to the Neuro I.C.U. a drastically changed man. The first thing he did was sit next to Cas and lace their fingers together. Dean ran his fingers through the dark brown hair he’d dreamed about for a decade. Leaning over to Cas’s ear he spoke to his husband with reverence and awe, “Castiel...if you can hear me, it’s time for you to come back. Your place is with me,no one has ever fought harder for what they wanted than you. I met my enemy, spoke with him, have begun to love him and like you wrote, he is my enemy no more. Fight one last time to be with me please and I promise to fight for myself and us everyday for the rest of our lives if you’ll let me, if you’ll have me. I love you more than even a being like you can imagine, I want you with me for the rest of my life as my best friend and my husband. You need to come back because...it’s your turn to take me on a date and I’m way too curious about what you’ll come up with to let you get out of it. So please...buddy, I love you...come back.”

~*~*~

Dean didn’t remember falling asleep in the chair, holding Cas’s cold, limp hand. As he awoke to a brilliant sun spilling it’s bright rays into the hospital room, he became aware of a sensation that had been missing. One he’d craved more desperately than he ever thought possible. He opened his eyes and lifted his stiff neck to see Cas’s fingers curled ever so slightly around his own. He looked up at Cas and saw blue eyes staring at something in the corner of the room or on the ceiling.

“Cas, can you hear me?! Squeeze my hand if you’re awake, please?”Dean asked, hesitant to hope too much.

Slowly he felt an index and middle finger curl and let go. Cas’s eyes didn’t move at all, nothing else changed for several hours. Then Cas twisted his neck a little, but still stared at the same spot on the wall. Marcel was still working so Dean asked if the monitors had shown any different activity.

“I can’t say at the moment, but some sections of his waves were recently sent to the doctor for a more thorough evaluation.”

_ Well that’s good news. “ _ When do you expect to have results?”

“The neurologist usually has them back within 24 hours, sometimes sooner.”

Cas held his hand with two fingers for the rest of the day and night with no more or less intensity. The next day he blinked far more often and squeezed Dean's hand with all 5 fingers, but not firmly. He kept turning and twisting his neck slightly and when Dean asked, Marcel explained he was likely uncomfortable with the breathing equipment. If his condition improved in a few days the doctors would consider taking the tube out. Dean prayed to him for hours, trying to be quiet yet soothing for recovery. Cas still hadn’t looked him in the eye, but he had so much to heal it wasn’t yet considered a concern. But when the breathing tube finally did come out, he didn’t even attempt to speak. In fact now that he was free to talk if he chose, he passed the time staring at the wall or with his eyes closed, save for when a doctor or nurse was in. He’d respond by blinking or moving something when asked, but he never spoke and barely looked at Dean. His fingers and hands became stronger though and didn’t feel like letting go of Dean's hand, despite it being clear he was capable of doing so.

Days passed and they received visitors, Alison hobbled in with an air cast on her leg but a smile on her face. Dean didn’t want to ask about Shasta, in case this was a brief moment of stillness for her in grief but apparently Shasta had in fact survived and was resting at home. Dean felt so relieved for them both. Jobeka came by as well, Dean offered his condolences to her regarding Jonah and she just hugged him in appreciation. Grace and Gilrad both stopped by daily. Cas continued to improve, the physical therapist cleared him to walk around the unit with assistance and managed fine with it. He never let go of Dean's hand as they wore a slow divot in the linoleum around the I.C.U. race track from hundreds of laps. He ate and drank as told because he'd lost about twenty pounds, and Dean knew every trip to the loo was a thorn in Cas’s side. Two weeks after he woke up, his tests were such that he was moved to the floor below to finish recovery. Rikbiel kept a watchful eye on them both during his shifts. Late one night when Cas was sleeping, Dean asked if it was normal for him not to talk. He was thrilled Cas was back but began to worry why he wasn’t trying to communicate. Thoughts crept in that maybe he really had done it for good this time and his marital status unbeknownst to him, had been demoted back to friend zone. Rikbiel assured him it was very common from a human standpoint, the body had gone through tremendous trauma and the shock of being human was a beast in and of itself. It would simply take time and patience.


	24. Chapter 24

Finally the day arrived when Cas was discharged from Pindara. The doctors were all flabbergasted, yet very pleased at his recovery. Marcel came down to say goodbye, Dean appreciated the chance to thank him for his brand of low key care. Grace brought the remainder of their things from Jobeka's house, she had her hands full with recovering daughters and husband. Dean felt her slip an envelope in his hand before leaving. Rikbiel was quietly enthusiastic as always and hugged them both. Something silent seemed to pass between he and Cas before they got in Mal and sped off into the wild blue yonder. It was early morning when they took the opposite direction that led to Tamborine, Dean could tell Cas was curious but hoped if he became curious enough he’d ask their destination on his own. He supplied the car with plenty of water and healthy snacks, a burger sounded phenomenal but he decided to attempt one less a week from now on. Both needed to start taking care of themselves.

Dean stopped every two hours for bathroom breaks but drove straight past sunset and into the night. Cas was trying to stay awake but Dean had consumed plenty of caffeine for the trip he knew would last until morning.

“Go ahead and get some shut eye Cas, I’m good. Promise.”

So Cas curled up with Dean's sweatshirt and zonked out cold for the next eight hours. When he awakened they were just pulling into a narrow, long driveway shaded by deep green foliage with beautiful yellow and orange flowers. Dean stopped at a small office with a sign cheerfully welcoming guests to the Daintree Forest Cascades. He was back in a flash and drove down the narrow road slowly, enjoying the stunning scenery of the region while looking for their spot. Turning down a dirt path on the left, the canopy slowly opened to a quaint round home that looked like it had sprung from the forest. The wooden structure consisted of multi shaded striations of timber and had windows from ceiling to floor in every direction, giving its guests a full 360° view of the forest. The inside looked warm and inviting with rich, natural wood walls decorated with aboriginal art, cool tile floors, and comfortable looking furniture.  A spiral staircase leading to an open loft which sat in the middle of the home, begged anyone to come up and play fort. Dean was pleased as he looked around and set both of their bags on a bright red sofa by the door. Cas looked quizzical so Dean finally caved with an explanation.

He took an extremely nervous deep breath and said, “This is the Daintree Rainforest, the oldest rainforest on the planet, but you probably already know that. Uh..the pictures I googled got to me when I was looking for...well, we’re just a stone’s throw from the Great Barrier Reef and there's a private beach for guests there.”

Cas took a step closer, still looking at him inquisitively.

Dean apprehensively rubbed the back of his neck and blew out some air. “Never thought I’d be lucky enough to get married. It may not have been the most conventional ceremony,” he cleared his throat, “I may not remember exchanging vows, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna miss the chance to have a honeymoon with you. If...you’ll still have me…” his voice trailed off in a whisper.

Cas dropped his gaze and stood still for a few seconds. Dean’s heart didn’t know how to take the silent gesture and he began to panic. But then, Cas very slowly took Dean’s hand and laid his head lightly on his shoulder.

Relief flooded through Dean like a cool breeze on a hot day. He was certain more time and patience were needed, but this was the foundation they could build on. He noticed Cas moved his head from his shoulder, to his heart and paused. Then he walked to the sliding patio door and went outside to investigate their extremely private surroundings. Dean followed, happy to lag behind processing the tiny occurrence he considered miracle. The early sun was bright but the forest canopy provided nice shade by the waterfall and pools in what was essentially their backyard. Cas cautiously stepped down the rocky embankment and stood on the huge boulder by the waterfall and looked over.

“This is Cooper Creek. Upstream should somewhere should be the seven tier Alexandra Waterfalls,” Dean mentioned.

Cas looked at the house above, the view would be lovely anytime of day or night. He slowly climbed up and walked a few feet upstream to the very large pool. Dean watched as he kicked off his flips flops and tested the water. Stepping into the pool, Cas looked the picture of quiet and calm. He walked around a bit, safely shifting from one foot to the other so as not to slip. At it's deepest, Dean gauged it might come up to his waist but without checking he hoped Cas wouldn't misstep and fall. He didn’t though and when Cas was up to his thighs, he scanned the forest around them as if looking for someone or something specific.

“It’s private Cas, it’s ours,” Dean shared, wondering if that was the concern.

Without hesitation Cas stripped, folded his clothes neatly on a boulder, and plopped down criss cross applesauce in the pool. It was all so endearing and adolescent in nature, Dean couldn’t help the elated smile that reached his eyes. Now was not the moment though for him to join in. He felt in his heart it was right to give Cas this time to do whatever moved him, even if it meant sitting in a creek naked, playing like a five year old. He’d never been a child, and Dean of all people understood the precious sanctity of those pure, jovial experiences. So he quietly walked back inside to retrieve a few water bottles, he put one on the boulder next to Cas’s clothes without disturbing him. The hammock built for four on the covered patio looked more his speed right about then so he shuffled over and followed suit with Cas’s dress code.

As he folded his shorts to set down, he felt the envelope Grace had given him. Unfolding it's contents, he climbed into the fabulously soft fabric to watch Cas revel in the beautiful paradise and read the the letter she felt was important enough to send with him, but open at his leisure. There were two letters, one addressed to him, the other addressed to Alden and the elders from Jonah. He started reading the one addressed to himself first.

 

_ Dean, _

 

_ First and foremost, we wish to thank you and Castiel for what you've accomplished here. Our community, and by extension countless others, can rest easily after months of terror because of your efforts. The skills you possess allowed us to examine the evidence and facts in alternative ways which we were not prepared to accept before your arrival. We're exceptionally proud to know you and Castiel, and feel confident about reaching out in the future to our American allies should the need present itself. _

 

_ You have honored us by graciously accepting our guidance in more personal matters, even though it challenged and will continue to challenge your notion of conventional assistance. Our hope is that the Dadirri will become a comforting aspect in your day to day lives so you both may reap its many healthy benefits.  _

 

_ Lastly, I’ve included something we found at the home of Kunmanara Taungurong, (Jobeka's father) after that night which will hopefully serve as insight and resolution to this story you're irrevocably a part of. We feel strongly it should be shared within our unique community, along with other examples which Alden had previously mentioned. Our history with the English has been a long and difficult one. Reconciliation will continue to be a joint effort on both sides for generations to come. It is an arduous undertaking, and by no means does it require forgetting the past. Our intention in sharing difficult events and attitudes within our tribe is to spread awareness, so forgiveness towards the English may continue but also so we may acknowledge, and learn from our wrong doings and forgive ourselves. Kunmanara Taungurong’s mistakes and steps towards atonement will serve as one of the many reminders of how badly we as a nation need to practice forgiveness for all, to trust in humanity regardless of past conflicts, and remain open to valuable connections no matter their origin or species. _

 

_ We wish you both a happy, healthy, well earned vacation, and look forward to your return. _

 

_ Warmest thanks, _

 

_ Grace and Gilrad _

  
  
  
  


_ Alden, my fellow elders, and my family, _

 

_ I humbly ask you read this letter in it's entirety, so you will understand who I am, the reasons behind my choices, and how deeply I regret them. You are owed this explanation at the very least, though even my last act on this earth will still never balance the consequences of my choices.  _

 

_ Since the age of ten it was clear I was not like other Yugambeh children. Certain oddities, gifts if you will, made themselves known to me. Just as some Buddhist monks are taught how to recognize signs of reincarnation, so are some practitioners of Vaishnavism, a branch of Hinduism. I was approached by a practitioner who was certain the Lord Vishnu himself had chosen to bless me with certain qualities, powers. There are  ten avatars he is most known for presenting himself as, two of which are Buddha and Rama. But many other times he will grant someone with the ability to do his work to a degree...work on a smaller scale as he attends to the universal one, so to speak. My mentor's claim of Vishnu’s blessing within me was verified by others and so my studies began. I learned he comes or blesses someone when the cosmos is in, or nearing periods of severe disturbance or unbalance. _

 

_ Whenever righteousness wanes and unrighteousness increases I send myself forth. _ __   
_ For the protection of the good and for the destruction of evil, _ __   
_ and for the establishment of righteousness, _ __   
_ I come into being age after age. _ __   
_   
_ __ — Bhagavad Gita 4.7–8

 

_ As the years passed my connection with Vishnu and his blessing grew through practicing Vaishnavism and also Dadirri. Then in my early adulthood it was revealed that because of his powers within me I had attained a connection not only with the great Lord himself, but my higher self. This, I was told, had happened very rarely. My powers in spellwork increased exponentially yet I found it necessary to hide all of this from my family and friends for fear of ostracism and exile.  _

 

_ I was told of a great evil which would likely come in my time, that it was the reason Vishnu had chosen me to use the powers he blessed me with. Once, a powerful witch among my kind had experienced great tragedy and as a result, chose a dark path. She caused much devastation and death before a guardian spirit working with warriors of our land could bind and imprison her for all time. It was unlikely, but not impossible for her to escape her confines and if she did there would be signs.  _

 

_ A few years ago I could feel a sudden change in the environment, and also within me. Lord Vishnu spoke, he said the time for his purpose with me was near. The prison that held the witch had unwittingly been opened by someone, and soon my people would know this man responsible. Hate began festering within me, it was not an appropriate reaction yet I did nothing to staunch it's flow. I look back and see it was not so much hate as it was fear. I feared what would happen to my people, feared what needed to be done, and I abandoned the responsibility and trust Lord Vishnu had placed in me. He blessed me with wondrous abilities, but he balances good and evil, he allows free will at all times.  _

 

_ The signs were upon us, yet I did nothing of what Vishnu had prepared me for because the very man responsible for this great evil, the man shown to me by Vishnu, had come to us by my daughter's call for help. How could I aid the person who had already caused us so much loss? I see, now that Lord Vishnu has abandoned me, that it was only by my blind hate, fear, and cowardice that my people have been betrayed. Lord Vishnu had chosen me, worked within me to forgive this man even though he hadn't known he was responsible. I was supposed to have forgiven him and aided him to work with us so we could restore the balance Lord Vishnu eternally endeavors to maintain.  _

 

_ It wasn't until the deaths of our three best hunters that he was through with me. Never had someone reached their higher self so quickly he said, I had been ready to join Vishnu after this life, ready to end the cycles. Yet because of my choices I now have to continue on with the cycles until I learn from my mistakes. It wasn’t until I suffered the loss of connection with him, his abandonment, that I understood my own mistakes. I prayed to him relentlessly and made countless offerings in the mausoleum. It was there I discovered Shaheena was a devout follower of Kali, Goddess of destruction and power. We were up against something far greater than I could have imagined. I tried replacing her altar with that of offerings to Vishnu in hopes it might deter her. But when it became clear how involved my part must be in this conflict my choices were that of cowardice and shame.  _

 

_ Finally Lord Vishnu heard my prayers and saw I was ready to help, but it was too little too late. He said the only way now was to call upon the Rainbow Serpent for help to bind her, while completing a spell which would take all of her power into myself and beg to be delivered into the void were neither she nor I could bring further harm. There I would be stripped of all power and then returned to resume my cycles and lessons. My hope is that a situation may soon present itself for me to carry out Vishnu's command so that not only may I help restore balance and prevent further death, but earn your forgiveness for my shameful deeds. Words cannot express my sorrow at what we’ve lost because of my inaction, mistrust, and prejudice.  _

 

_ This is my story, such as it is. May you learn from it and feel at least a small sense of resolution from what I am endeavoring to accomplish.  _

 

_ Jonah _

 

_ _______________ _

  
  


_ Damn. That's a lot to process. It certainly explains why he was so eager to head out and look for Cas. Obviously the Rainbow Serpent took him up on his offer. If he was blessed by this Hindu God it makes sense he was able to wield enough power to end her for good. This can't be easy for Jobeka, hope she's ok. I just don't understand why he wouldn't help me. He knew before I did the reason she was freed, he could see how I wanted to help. Maybe it was my soul, he saw my soul and it gave him even more reason to distrust me. Well it's done, the threat is gone and the community can get back to normal..er..whatever normal is for hunters here I guess. Cas and I can work on finding our new equilibrium. Gotta take care of him….. _

Dean greatly looked forward to helping put weight back on him by cooking good meals and giving him plenty of healthy activities. It looked like he was practicing Dadirri the last time he could keep his eyes open for anything length of time, so he left him in that peaceful moment to recharge himself, slipping into a restful slumber.

He woke up in late afternoon, hearing Cas inside the house rummaging for something.

“You hungry Cas?” he asked as he walked through the sliding door to find him grabbing a big bag of pretzels in one hand and his Fight Club book in the other.

“Oh, guess so. What time is it?” Dean wondered, checking his watch. “4:45..why don’t we head out for an early dinner and stop for some groceries after?”

Cas put his clothes on that where sitting on the couch and put the pretzels in the kitchen, walking away with a handful. Dean threw his stuff on, grabbed the keys and they took off down the road to the neighboring seaside town of Cape Tribulation. They found CJ’s Bar and Grill, it was a cozy spot right on the beach, both were quite taken with the pristine sand and brilliant turquoise water of the Reef. Both had roasted roo with baked veggies, Cas became a member of the Clean Plate Club all by himself which thrilled Dean to no end. Then they went for an early evening stroll along the beach that had been tempting them since their arrival. They grabbed a boatload of good food from the local market, then headed back to their little piece of paradise. Settling in for a movie, they plopped on the couch and Dean found “Return to Me”, a David Duchovny movie he’d never gotten around to watching. In the story Duchovny’s character loses his wife in the beginning to a car accident, it was clear they were soulmates. A year passed without much recovery, and then he meets a delightful waitress he finds intriguing. He fell in love only to learn a year earlier she was the recipient of a heart transplant, and both were shocked to discover his wife had been the donor. Cas rested his head on Dean’s shoulder, Dean failed miserably at not crying. He decided it was an awesome, feelsy movie he wanted to see again and to Hell with anyone who made fun of him for it.

Feeling tired still, and trying his best to listen to his body when it spoke, Dean meandered up the staircase to the bedroom loft. Once again they were blessed with a massive bed which he was all too happy with flopping upon once properly stripped of cumbersome clothing. Cas had opted to stay on the couch, resuming his read of Fight Club. Later in the night though Dean awoke to find Cas resting his head on his chest, listening to his heart. When he realized Dean was awake, he startled and sat up.

“Still beating I hope?” Dean lightly mused with his eyes still closed. He opened them to see his husband staring with a strange expression of perhaps panic or fear.

“Cas, what’s going on? You ok?”

He was clearly becoming distressed over something so Dean lightly touched his face. Cas leaned into his hand, then slowly bent down to brush his lips against Dean’s. It was a sweet kiss, soft at first but it quickly turned frighteningly urgent. Before long Cas broke the kiss, shaking violently and sobbing in the crook of Dean’s neck.

He wanted to ask so badly what was wrong, but feared it would put undue pressure on the situation if Cas still wasn’t ready to speak. So he held him tight, willing to let him cry all night if need be.  _ It makes sense, with what he’s been through..maybe this is a good thing, letting it out. I’m just relieved he wants comfort from me. _

Cas kissed up his neck, tears fell down his face and onto Dean’s cheek. He crushed their lips together one more time before letting out another sob. Placing his forehead against Dean’s he finally broke his silence.

“I c-can’t hear you...or feel you anymore! I’m trying b-but there's nothing..I don’t know what to do! It feels so...so..severed, I want to feel you Dean, I miss your thoughts I don’t know what to do. D-doesn’t feel right, it’s not right…it hurts and I’m scared. It’s too much,” he wailed, shaking and gasping.

A wave of guilt smashed into Dean as he took in the confusion, pain, heartbreak, and panic Cas was feeling.  _ This is the second time around….I turned him away when this was completely new, completely unexpected, so he had no one to help him through this.  _ He became angry with himself, yet something stopped him cold.  _ No. I can’t do this, can’t change the horrible choice I made. But I can be here for him now, always.  _ Dean sat up and pulled Cas onto his lap, rocking him slightly. It was too overwhelming even for him to find the right words of comfort in that moment. So he did what he hoped might soothe his angel. He sang the song he never planned Cas to hear, the song that got him through one of the scariest times in his youth, the prayer he’d issued to God when he thought all hope was lost.

 

“The wise man said just walk this way   
To the dawn of the light   
The wind will blow into your face   
As the years pass you by   
Hear this voice from deep inside   
It's the call of your heart   
Close your eyes and you will find   
The passage out of the dark   
Here I am   
Will you send me an angel   
Here I am   
In the land of the morning star”

 

Halfway through the song Cas froze, his sobbing subsided to minor hiccups and tremors. He looked at Dean with serious question in his eyes, “Morning Star? The land of the Morning Star?”

“I can sing another song if you don’t like it, sorry-”

“No it’s beautiful, you’re beautiful..I’m just so sorry Dean!” he cried with tears falling anew.

“What’ve you got to be sorry about?”

“You..yo-.....Morning Star..it’s you. It’s us. You always called me Sunshine because you said my grace was brighter than our sun, brighter than even earth’s sun. Your favorite time of the day was actually evening, when stars would be out against a dark and light split sky. It was in a binary system...our home, the in between. You loved the evening sky because it was both day and night at once, like nothing you’d ever seen before. It was in a different plane..a different time, we lived our happiest times and made our home in the Morning Star constellation. The planet was literally the land of the Morning Star. You’d greet me everyday saying 'morning Sunshine...and I’d reply with 'morning star’. But you’ll never remember because of me,” he lamented.

“I know now why you did it Cas, I would’ve done the same had Naomi threatened me with the same fate. I know about your grace and how lucky we and the entire solar system are not to have been obliterated. You can’t imagine how sorry I am you went through all that pain alone. All I ever wanted was for you to open up to me, to stay with me and Sam. Friend or husband, Cas-from the get go I always felt deep down you were somehow family. Guess now I know why.”

Cas still had tremors but was silent. Dean wanted to know what else was eating at him, now was the time for Cas to bear his soul, so to speak.

“Hey. What else is going on upstairs, hm?”

Cas fidgeted like he was gathering the courage to really dig deep. He wouldn't look Dean in the eyes, which was worrisome.

“You know how I feel about you, how I’ve always felt. I thought I could sense your emotions as well, but maybe not. You wanted to give me back my heart, you wanted me to fix the situation, even after I explained it’s permanent. You said you take marriage seriously...that if you decided to get married, it would be to someone you were so crazy in love with you couldn't think about being with someone else or it would make you sick”, Cas took a shaky breath, “If you don't consider this a serious thing, if you feel trapped or you’re not able to reciprocate the same emotions I have...then it can’t be helped. I won’t begrudge you a human marriage with someone you do feel that strongly for.”

His stomach suddenly lurched from fear Dean might take him up on that offer, and it left him so upset he couldn't control his body's reaction. He fought to keep dinner down, but didn’t know how long he could succeed.

Dean felt Cas physically shake and begin to heave.  _ Goddamit I did say that...but he completely misunderstood what I meant. I’ve got to start being more clear. _

_ “ _ Listen to me Cas, I want to make myself crystal clear. The first thing on my mind when you said you gave me your soul component in your grace, was that I’m ok now...so you can have it back and it might just help solve your problem and you’ll get better. I meant I wanted to give it back so you would be stronger and healthier as an angel. You gave me your heart and I’ll NEVER give that back, it’s  gift, we keep those.

About marriage, I did say that, and knowing you it’s easy to see now how my words could’ve meant something different. I felt, and still feel I cheated on you. I wasn’t aware that's what I was doing but it doesn't make me feel any better. Because of that, along with so much else I’ve struggled with forgiving myself for...I feel like you deserved so much more than my messed up self. I do take marriage that seriously, and feel I broke vows I never knew I made. The reason I got so upset is because of how crazy in love with YOU I am, hearing you say you’re ok with someone not loving you back broke my heart. THAT made me feel sick because there is literally nobody I will ever love more than you. It hurts that you think so little of yourself..like I thought about myself. You deserve all the love in this universe, we both do and I wasn’t given the chance to be who you deserved. I didn’t even give myself that chance, until now.

YOU are who I am crazy in love with, and will be forever. I want you, only you. I want to be your husband, best friend, soul mate. Please tell me you understand this,” he gazed right into those teary blue eyes and placed Cas’s hand over his heart, “that you believe in THIS.”

Cas threw his arms around Dean and hugged him more tightly than he ever had before.

“I’m sorry about never telling you everything, part of me wanted to believe deep down your feelings would lead you back to me, and they did.”

“Intuition is something best not ignored. You were right that I loved you..do love you. A big part of this mess between us happened because we weren't laying everything out about how we felt. Ya gotta start talking to me Cas, and I realize with your background it’ll be a hard thing to get used to. Just...know you’ll never be judged or punished for sharing your thoughts and problems with me, or even Sam. When humans marry, we promise to love and cherish each other in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for better or worse...it's not only my duty to listen to you and help when you need it, it's what I want to do. Guess it's the opposite of what you grew up with. Just..do what your heart tells you. I went to Hell over a deal to save a soul, you were exiled due to asking for one. Both of us were punished for following our hearts and spent far too long regretting the results...but we’ve ended up with each other now. Let me take care of you Cas, please promise you'll let me.”

Cas still had a death grip on Dean, but nodded his head. They held each other for a while until Cas got up, Dean didn’t even need to see his face to ask why because his whole demeanor was that of frustration as he trudged to the loo...again. When he returned, Dean curled him up close and spooned with him until morning.

~*~*~

The sun was up and shining when Dean opened his eyes and smelled coffee. He stretched and realized even though Cas wasn’t beside him warming the bed, he had renewed faith things would continue getting better with time. He heard Cas rifling through the fridge and was pleased his appetite was on the mend. Deciding to check if he needed help in the kitchen, he spun down the staircase and sauntered in pleased to find they were still following the same dress code. As soon as their bellies were full they’d be free to explore all the private delights on the property. He cozied up to his husband... _ never in my wildest dreams did I expect to call him that. _

Cas had been making a fruit salad when a warm, delectable Dean pressed him against the kitchen counter gently and snuggled him from behind. _Mmm hugs, kisses on my neck, gloriously handsome and very naked husband_ _plastering his front to my back...I do believe my prayer was indeed granted-with interest._

“Mornin’ Sunshine,” Dean whispered in Cas’s ear while smiling.

Cas set down the knife and wriggled around to face him. “Morning Star” he softly said back, burrowing into Dean's chest. They didn’t speak much for the rest of the day aside from romantic sentiments. It was a quiet sort of day, but by no means inactive. Both ventured into the wild and private blue yonder with only the basic necessities-shorts, flip flops, water, and a pocket size bottle of lube...should the need arise. To their delight, it arose plenty. While roaming through the creek pools, they quickly discovered that the massive boulder led down to a perfect natural hideaway right under the waterfall. Dean held Cas’s hand tightly as they slowly stepped down. His recovery was miraculous but not yet complete, his equilibrium was shaky and his muscle mass needed building. He held still while Dean snaked around him a few steps below. Then he gestured to his shoulders and told Cas to “hop on”, which of course yielded Cas’s best labrador head tilt to date.

“Hop on my back buddy, it’s called a piggy back ride” Dean explained, amused by Cas’s expression.

“How is swine involved?” Cas asked.

“No idea, but you put your arms on my shoulders and your legs around my waist.”

“I like it already” Cas stated and did as he was told. Deans grip was firm and his feet steady as he masterfully navigated the mossy creek stones leading down to the waterfall just below.

Dean walked right through the serene cascade into a section of rock which bowed over like it had been carved into a little shelter. There they found a smooth, wide ledge drenched by a perpetually refreshing mist and a thin layer of dark moss.

“This certainly feels inspiring,” Cas said absentmindedly as Dean set him down with care. Both looked at each other at the same time with something brewing between them. He couldn't help but notice how the contrast of Dean's wet hair made the green in his eyes pop. He didn't want to tear his eyes away from how the water droplets dripped and slid down his taut skin over the firm muscles of his chest and tummy.

“It is pretty awesome, had no idea it was here but damn…” Dean was struggling between sweeping Cas onto the ledge and passionately making love to him, or keeping it on lockdown because even the mere mention of it if Cas wasn’t ready would make him feel like an asshole.

“Dean. You’re warring with something..am I right? Don’t think about it, don’t hesitate, tell me what you're feeling.”

_ Shit.  _ “Conjugal, at the moment.” There was silliness in his voice, but a gentle, elated love in his eyes as he looked intensely at Cas.

“Live in the moment Dean,” Cas quietly implored with need in his baby blues.

Deans heart skipped a beat and then raced in his chest. He bit his lip and slid his hands gently around to the small of Cas’s back, then delicately pulled him in. Resting his forehead in their grounding gesture he queried, “You’re feeling up to it?”

Cas pressed his hand over his beloved's heart, which he would now always share part of. In the quietest of voices, soft against Dean’s ear Cas entreated, “Husband, make love to me.”

Dean melted and replied, “As you wish.” He pulled down Cas’s grey sport shorts for him to step out of, then dropped his own, both kicked out of their shoes. Never had it felt so good without a stitch of clothing on. The mist cooled them off and Dean decided he was thirsty for the satiating water dripping down Cas’s chest. Starting just below the collarbone, he captured beads of water with his tongue and stole them with kisses. He followed one bead down it's path to a nipple which a took in his mouth and sucked on. He felt fingers run through his wet hair and a pleasant rumble from Cas’s chest. Possessing the knowledge and skill to draw out mind numbing pleasure in this perfect being was beyond satisfying. He’d missed Cas so much and was taking all the time in the world to show him. Dean pulled Cas to the ledge to sit while he comfortably situated himself on his knees, but Cas began scooting back.

“Nuh-uh,” Dean toyed as he leaned in  and tugged him by the hips to the edge again so he was between Cas’s legs, his favorite place in the whole world. “Oh how I’ve missed you,” Dean growled hungrily with a ravenous expression. It took a second to realize whom Dean was addressing, Cas smiled down on him and laughed.

“I might love him as much as I love you Cas. Infatuation, fixation...you name it.”

“About to recite a sonnet are we? Do tell…” Cas purred.

“I’m serious..” Dean stated as he kissed Cas’s tummy, “He’s always happy to see me, responds well to love, swells with pride at my praises, blushes when I steal a kiss or slip him some tongue, and reminds me of a lollipop that I don’t want to stop sucking on. But wait! There's more….he looks so delectable all the time and fits in my mouth perfectly which I can feel he gets so excited about and I do too cuz really I just love making you feel good. Allow me to demonstrate…”

“I assure you your f-feelings are enthusiastically reciprocated,” Cas offered, as he felt the moist warmth of a tongue making a delicious sweep around his already thick head. Dean took immeasurable delight in drawing this out. He edged Cas with his mouth, losing track of how many times he pulled him back from that blissful edge. Making sure  to give equal attention, he'd crawl up and rain tender kisses on his tummy, chest, and lips to remind him how very much he was loved. He couldn't resist getting lost in Cas’s oceans of blue. It finally dawned he’d never see those eyes light up with his angels true form shining back at him again. He felt his own eyes stinging a bit as that sunk in.

“Dean?”

_ It's alright, really. There's never any physical, tangible proof of love. It's something we feel and believe in _ .  _ I’ll miss that light, but I know he’s still here with me, as much as he always was. I FEEL him in my heart and it’s proof enough for me. _

_“_ I love you Cas, you’re everything to me. My whole world, my life...my angel, always,” he confessed as a few tears escaped.

Cas was overwhelmed to hear Dean would always consider him his angel. As lost as he’d felt over the last ten years, the struggle to understand who he was and why he’d always been different had ended with Dean. Not only was he the answer to the prayer he’d issued eons ago, Dean was the light calling him from the confusion and darkness within. The command to save the righteous man marked the beginning of true self discovery. He didn’t comprehend until now, when Dean whispered that beautiful sentiment, he was finally at peace with who he was. Not just because Dean was, but because Dean never placed expectation on him to be anyone but the best version of himself. This human had taught him that species did not determine who he was, title or rank did not determine who he was, his successes and failures did not determine who he was. It was the choices he made when following his strong, unwavering heart that made him who he was and that it's right to be at peace with those decisions even when the results fall far from the expectation. He wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t completely angel, nor was he completely human, but he was finally himself and loved it. Cas would be eternally grateful to Dean for helping bring him to this contented state. He snuggled his face against the ever growing scruff on that incredibly sexy jawline. Just when he thought his husband couldn’t possibly be any more handsome, he’d change one little thing and he’d fall in love all over again.

“You're the most beautiful soul in all creation and were destined to be mine from the moment I prayed thousands of years ago even though I didn’t know it...you are worth every second of that wait. I loved you even before I knew you, our bond is stronger than time itself and can never be broken. You’re the light of my entire existence.”

While that mystical current was no longer present, both felt a swirling lightness in their chest and recognized it as the love and happiness of the other mixed with their own. Dean gently pressed his lips against Cas’s, then slowly brushed and swept their tongues together in a languid dance. He felt the hard evidence of Cas’s need lovingly push against tummy and mirrored it with his.

“I want you Dean…” Cas pleaded.

The bottle sat beside them on the ledge,he applied a liberal amount and began bringing Cas to a trembling, pleading mess once more. When he could no longer control his own aching need, he rubbed more lube onto himself and carefully pressed against the tight entrance. Dean sighed with pleasure as he slid passed the tight ring of muscle into the snug heat of Cas. This perfect being looked incredible splayed out underneath him, all flushed from his attentive efforts. Moisture from the falls mist clung to his skin like dew, droplets here and there would cascade down his chest and spill over his ribs with each ragged breath he took. Dean was utterly mesmerized watching Cas as he gradually slid inside until he could go no further. He angled Cas’s hips upward and as he started gingerly moving inside, his fingers lightly raked down his chest, passed his tummy to his abdomen where they lingered and teased just shy of that fantastic piece of Cas anatomy. Dean enjoyed watching Cas’s eyes droop and bore holes into his own. He loved how with every gentle thrust of his hips, Cas seemed to cautiously meet it with his own powerful counter movements.

They met a slow pace which allowed Dean to thoroughly bury his cock in Cas and stretch him in the most deliberate and delicious ways. Even with his grace gone, Cas seemed to anticipate rather well what Dean needed and wanted. He took his husband’s hand, wrapped it around the only other professed love of Dean's life and began rubbing himself into it. That motion alone squeezed around Dean who gasped and moaned from the intense sensation.  _ Jfc..he knows so well what’ll send me into  _ orbit. In fact it felt so good, Dean refused to let it end so quickly. He pulled away from that cliff by stilling himself, he let Cas move, twist, and circle his hips all he wanted and was thrilled to watch him to do it. When he’d calmed enough to resume, he lay on Cas and rocked into him deep and slow, driving them both beyond madness. He drew on all his self control and made love to Cas for hours under that waterfall until they couldn't tell if they were drenched and shiny from sweat, mist, or both. Neither really cared, all that mattered to them was chasing that feeling of being filled, stretched, and stroked into blissful oblivion by one another. When they came, it was together, and to the thundering sound in their ears of two hearts beating in precise and precious unison. They held one another for a long time, enjoying the serenity of their own perfect Kubun. There were just no words for what had passed between them.

Eventually the exploratory mood returned and they emerged from the waterfall to check out all the pools. Cas seemed to know nearly every species of neighbor they had and pointed them out to Dean, he didn’t mind until some of the eight legged crew were on the tour which sent  him running for the hills. They never made it to the bigger waterfalls due to the fact that neither one of them could keep their hands or mouths to themselves. Dean had never tested his stamina as much as he did that day. Cas seemed to have a never ending supply which Dean chalked up to him being the equivalent of a teenager. Nevertheless, what Cas wanted he got, and Dean enthusiastically persisted in every attempt to exhaust him. After all a sleepy, sexed out Cas was a happy Cas. They walked back to the house in late afternoon, Dean collapsed in the hammock and pulled Cas on top of him. They snuggled and dozed until the stars came out. When they awoke, and Dean playfully dumped them on the grassy side, both bellies were grumbling. They were hungry and needed a shower.

While washing off Cas asked,“Dean will you teach me how to cook?”

Dean’s face lit up, “Yeah, sure. I’ll get out and see if there's an extra apron,” he said while cheerfully scooting out for a towel.

Cas seemed pleased to be acquiring new human skills. He wondered what was on the menu as he dried off and wound carefully down the stairs. He was amused to find his husband wearing an apron...and nothing else.  _ How am I supposed to concentrate when he looks so edible? This might be a lost cause seeing as how I’m naked too... _

Dean heard him, turned, and explained in a completely serious face while wielding a knife, “First rule of cooking Cas, dress appropriately.”

“If you were shooting for 'kiss the cook’ then congratulations. For those of us about to dine, we salute you.”

That elicited a chuckle and Dean replied, “Well I can see that, how sweet of you to bring such a good looking distraction to the fray. However, for the sake of you putting on healthy weight, we probably shouldn't have engaged in a sex marathon without bringing snacks today. So for the time being, as much as it pains me...and believe me it does.. I’ll ask you to put that away.”

Cas inwardly groaned but agreed and grabbed the spare apron that had been laid on the counter for him. Chef Dean taught him how to make lemon chicken and rice, instead of frying the veggies like he usually, did he steamed them.

Dean definitely preferred fried veggies, but being the problem solver and innovator he was, found a decent blend of seasoning which made them tolerable. Cas nearly choked on the pepper and decided it was the human version of Raid roach killer. He wasn’t trying to be rude or critical, he just couldn't stand it. Dean wasn't offended in the least and made him a P B & J to go with the veggies and rice the ex angel palate was tolerant of.

After dinner they snuggled on the couch for another movie, Cas found himself quite lost in the land of Deadpool sarcasm but found almost as much enjoyment in watching Dean laugh til he cried. 

As they trudged upstairs to bed Dean asked him a half serious question, “Does my soul look like an avocado had sex with another avocado?”

“No..” Cas stated quietly.

“The last time I saw it was through your eyes, when you rescued me from Hell and after you’d brought me back from the brink.”

Cas sighed as they crawled into bed, “The last time I saw it, there had been an improvement but...but yes an improvement.”

“But what?”

Cas smiled wistfully at him as Dean curled into his chest. He kissed the top of his head and explained regretfully, “You were extremely upset and your emotional state was causing further damage.”

“So..y-you can’t see me anymore, can you?” Dean whispered, letting the impact of his words sink in. This was another loss for Cas which must be devastating and he hurt for him.

“No. It makes me very sad. I know it's difficult for you to understand but it's the equivalent of losing my hearing or sight. Your soul, damage and all, is so beautiful to me. Imagine if you couldn't see my face anymore. You love me, you’d manage, but it would be a significant loss would it not?”

“It really would, yeah.”

“I still see your human face, do you even realize how sexy you are?”

It shocked Dean to realize his face and ears had gone beet red over his husband's assessment. He knew he wasn’t bad looking, women had commented over the years that he was easy on the eyes, but when Cas said he was sexy it turned him into a bashful puddle of goo. He burrowed into Cas further, hiding his smile. Once again Cas had made him feel like a 14 year old who’s crush just told him he's cute.

“Did I offend you?” Cas worried as he tried to coax Dean from his side.

“Nah, ya just made me feel mushy is all.”

“I haven’t seen you with facial hair very often, are you growing a beard?”

“Depends, you think I should keep it?”

“You're very handsome no matter what, but I do like it...between your whiskers,physique, and penchant for plaid, it does lend to a steamy lumberjack look,” he said, rubbing Dean’s face gently.

“I thought you weren't a fan of that look, kinda made it clear when we were after the Luciferian Vince Vincente and you were in a snit.”

“I was working with Crowley and had it with your shit. My apologies, even angels can have their moods. It’s not gone unnoticed you’ve chosen strictly solid colors ever since. Dean, when you are at your happiest with yourself, your most comfortable...that’s what is attractive to me. The rest is all bonus. If you want to grow a full beard and wear plaid everyday for the rest of your life I’ll love it. Admittedly though, my favorite look of all is when you're dressed as the good Lord made you and smiling at me.”

_ Stop dude...just STAHP.  _ Dean couldn't handle any more niceties so he just shut him up with sweet, tender kisses for a while. The day had been heavenly, but Dean knew between all messing around on hard surfaces and hiking they were going to feel it in the morning.

“Whaddya say we check out some more of the amazing shoreline tomorrow eh? We can pack a bunch of food and spend the day having fun in the sun? A swim might do us good.”

“I’d like that very much,” Cas yawned and cuddled Dean back into his chest, “thank for a perfect day Dean.”

“Mmhmm” was the reply, followed a few seconds later by a pair of light snores.

 


	25. Chapter 25

The next morning both of them felt like bruised bags of bones. They stumbled downstairs getting coffee, Dean noticed Cas winced as he sat down for breakfast. They looked at each other and said simultaneously, “Mistakes were made.” 

Dean was apologetic for the soreness, but Cas nearly grumbled over his mug at him to never apologize for good sex. So with pink cheeks, he suggested stretching out sore muscles in the ocean might do them good and Cas pleasantly concurred.

  
  


“I ain't got many friends left to talk to   
Nowhere to run when I'm in trouble   
You know I'd do anything for you   
Stay the night but keep it undercover   
I just want to use your love tonight   
I don't want to lose your love tonight”

  
  


Dean laid back on the vast amount of towels and blankets they’d hauled with them to Buchan’s Point. He couldn't resist bringing along some tunes and sang happily to Your Love by the Outfield. They’d left the house quiet early to embark on the two hour drive along the Captain Cook Highway. Cas was confused as to why they were trekking so far to a beach when their stay at the Cascades included a private one of their own. 

“We can visit ours soon, tomorrow even if you want,” Dean reassured him.

They’d traipsed through the sand finding the perfect spot among the other beach goers and arranged their little picnic area. Then in a cheesy display of romance Dean kissed Cas, slowly at first, then pulled them down on the blankets, and proceeded to take his breathe away with an epic, passionate kiss.

Cas was stunned at first, so thrilled that words were lost on him. Then he remembered himself and where they were. Sitting up, he whispered forcefully, “Dean we’re in public! Won't these other people possibly be offended or uncomfortable?”

Dean smiled at him knowingly, looking deep into his eyes he suggested, “I’m thinking not. Take a close look.”

Cas slowly turned and took in their fellow beach mates. When they’d arrived, Cas was first impressed with the beauty of the place and too focused on setting up to observe anyone else in detail. Now that he was in fact taking a closer look, he was pleasantly amazed. He saw women walking and holding hands, he saw men swimming and playfully splashing each other. He saw heterosexual families of mixed race happily making sand castles with their children. He saw other gay couples with children eating and smiling, and even spotted a woman laughing as two men who were holding hands  snuggled and tickled her. Some people wore clothes and some did not. It was so jovial and free, he couldn't help but smile. People were outside comfortably sharing the enjoyment of the day with the love that felt true to them. He grinned back at Dean, kissed his nose, and said, “This is how Chuck meant it to be.”

“I did my research. This is a popular, comfy place to a variety of couples, but also an unofficial 'clothing optional’ beach.”

Cas immediately began removing his swim shorts.

“Hey! Whoa! Whaddya think yer doing?” Dean asked.

“Opting for no clothing,” Cas replied nonchalantly.

Dean rans his hands through Cas’s locks  and leaned in close enough to kiss him. “Buddy, I love you with no clothes. I love us with no clothes. I’m also not sharing. Your delectable body is mine, and mine alone. No judgement on anyone else here but call me old fashioned, I prefer nobody covet my husband except me.”

Cas understood well, his dominant side it seemed had transcended his near-death experience, but he was choosing to keep it under wraps for now. The thought of anyone ogling Dean flared something in him too. But he hadn’t been stripping to show himself off, nor did he wish to admire anyone else. The urge to take his clothes off came from his “zero shits given” attitude he’d always maintained about bodies in general. Naked was natural and he wished everyone could be comfortable with themselves and others in the state they were born. He explained this to Dean to reassure him of his intentions.

“I figured, but feel free to give zero shits around me whenever we’re alone Cas,” Dean chortled.

“I want to go swimming,” Cas stated.

“Not without sunblock you're not. You may tan like the God of Sex but you gotta  take care of yourself from now on. Plus I heard tropic sun can be extra damaging.”

Cas was happy Dean thought of these things he never would have on his own. He laid down on his tummy so Dean could put the lotion on.

“It's feels weird. Why?” he asked, kinda grossed out.

“It’ll dry, just give it a few minutes,” Dean promised as he took his sweet time greasing up the already tanned back of his gorgeous husband.

Cas caught on though and playfully teased, “Is this your way of legally enjoying rubbing something sticky all over my back in public?”

Dean snorted, “busted.” Then he laughed even harder at himself for the inappropriate pun. “Ahh, I mean guilty as charged.”

_ Oh my God yer such a nerd. It’s a good thing he didn’t get that. Shut up.  _ He finished applying sunblock on the hard to reach places and then let Cas put some on him. Cas did not like the lotion. Cas was not pleased. Cas did not refrain from expressing his extreme distaste for the “greasy, snot-like substance” he was asked to spread over his beloved’s skin.

“Alright, alright I got it Cas jeez. We can pick up a bottle of the dries-on-contact spray stuff on our way back. Let's go play.”

It did not go unnoticed that Dean barely let go of Cas's hand the entire day. Especially in close proximity to other people. He was cuddly all day. They loved the warm water and swam out as far as they dared. They enjoyed snuggling and kissing closer to shore. Dean thought it was the cutest thing ever when Cas got tired and hopped on his back, playfully demanding dolphin rides to and fro.

“Can I be a Humpback instead?” Dean mischievously asked.

“No.”

“Why?”

“I’d rather be the one humping your back Dean,” he whispered sinfully, then slid his hand down the front of Dean's swim shorts.

“Promise?” Dean turned his head and asked with genuine curiosity. His grip on Cas slipped while distracted by the notion. He got loose and pounced, dunking Dean in the water, he swam away grinning.

They roamed up and down the miles of shoreline. They swam until they could barely move their limbs.They brought enough food for five and so stuffed their faces silly until they felt their bellies would burst. When Cas put his sunglasses on and laid back for a nap, Dean found himself needing to throw a towel over his lap because his husband glistening in the sun was so damned hot. He put his own shades on and tried to convince himself to calm down. When that didn’t work he decided to Hell with it and just stared at him, conjuring pleasant scenarios for their private beach.

Eventually it came time to pack up and head back. Dean was returning from the loo when he saw a guy talking to Cas, the guy looked entirely too interested. So he began making his way over to them when they parted before he had a chance to tell the guy to buzz off.

“What did he want?” Dean asked.

“He said he and his boyfriend saw us and wanted to invite us to some social ritual I think...probably dancing.”

“Dancing?”

“Isn’t swinging some kind of dancing, from the early half of last century?”

_ Hold the fuck up. “ _ Cas did he say swing dancing? What were his exact words?”

“He wanted to know if you and I were into swinging and if we’d like to join them.”

_ Oh my God. “ _ Cas what did you say to him?!”

“I thanked him for the invitation but declined his offer. I said my husband isn’t interested in doing that with me so I doubt he’d do it with anyone else. Dean, it's not that uncommon for people to dislike dancing, is it? You're certainly not the only one. He looked somewhat confused when he walked off. Maybe he’s lucky and all his friends like to dance.”

“You said WHAT?!” Dean stood there shocked. He didn’t know if he should laugh hysterically at the gross misunderstanding or be furious by the inaccurate notion the guy walked away with.

“Do you want to swing? Should I have accepted? I’m sure they’d be still amenable to us coming...we should offer them a ride.”

_ Ok now that's funny right there.  _ Dean was in fits and giggles over the situation and Cas's innocent ignorance made it all the more amusing.

“I’ll bet they'd be amenable to us coming and they’d definitely wanna ride us..er.. with us.”

“What's so funny?”

“I’ll tell ya in the car.”

When Dean explained what the real kind of proposition was, along with Cas’s blunderous response which made him look like an asshole, he was roaring with laughter. Cas was so embarrassed he couldn't even look at Dean for a solid hour.

Finally he worked up the courage to apologize for unwittingly sharing to strangers that his husband was neither interested in, nor properly seeing to his sexual needs.

“It's ok buddy, live and learn. Guess you were lucky they didn't insist right then and there you needed to be shown the proper interest.”

Once back at the house, they showered and barely made it through dinner without falling asleep face first in their plates. It was right up to bed, both were snoring within minutes of lights out. Over the next few days they busied themselves with all manner of fun activities such as off road quadding, snorkeling on the reef, hikes to the Alexandra Falls and Mount Sorrow, and the Daintree Wild Zoo, hanging out at their own beach, but peppered in between were days they stayed in their own private paradise. They were so content just swinging in the hammock together reading and dozing, retreating to their waterfall sometimes to make love or just to lay there enjoying the feel of complete disconnect with the world and hear nothing but the soothing sound of water and their own two heart beats. Dean loved teaching Cas to cook, asking him to tell stories of times and places long forgotten, and telling him every night and every morning how much he loved him.

Cas found the serenity of their getaway calming and could feel himself getting stronger. He loved learning new things from Dean everyday, like how to cook, how to change the oil on Mal, how to do laundry, although there wasn’t much since they mostly went around au natural. Dean asking about ancient times in heaven and on earth was surprising since he used to pursue historical information only for case purposes, yet Cas enjoyed telling him anything he wanted to know. In turn, Cas requested Dean regale him with a happy childhood memory for each ancient tale he told. He found the adventures of Sam and Dean delightfully entertaining. It made Cas joyful when Dean shared with him and so often he'd finish with, “I'd forgotten about that one.”

He wanted to bring all the happiness in the world to him, but felt it was equally important for Dean discover every ounce of pleasantness from his own past. In doing so Cas hoped it would serve to bring a more harmonious balance inside him, especially for any hard times ahead.

He was so proud of Dean choosing to continue Dadirri everyday, wanting himself to get better. He could see such a difference in him and his heart was full to bursting with love. Dean was also making healthier choices with food, begrudgingly of course, but every choice he made was his own. He also contentedly followed Cas whenever he ventured out for daily cardio walks and hikes, on top of the big touristy ones they took advantage of. He’d never be a nut of the health variety like his brother, but little changes add up and make a difference. The evidence of this Cas could see and feel in his own body. He’d always been aware of the human body’s frailty, so as soon as he’d felt strong enough he started his own little fitness regimen of sit ups, push ups, planking, and other various isometric exercises. Jimmy had done well caring for himself, so in addition to wanting as long a life as possible with Dean, he was compelled to honor his vessels choices by treating it well.

Cas also appreciated how understanding Dean was about his raging hormones. He thought himself a sexual deviant before he became human because of how much he craved it, now he was simply insatiable. Not once did Dean seem irritated when Cas either attacked him in a lustful fit, or sweetly seduced him into an afternoon nookie session. In fact it seemed the more Cas needed him, the more Dean let go of any lingering shyness he had...and became more open about asking for things for some reason he’d been shy about.

On one lazy morning they’d slept in, Cas woke Dean up with what he referred to as “blowies”. Dean thought it sounded so silly and cute coming from Mr. Nerdtastic, he wasn't about to correct him, or interrupt him. That morning he was keen on letting him do whatever he wanted, which in this case was to test the water's a bit. Dean opened his eyes to Cas, happily bobbing his head up and down under the thin sheet.

He playfully said aloud to no one in particular, “I didn't know ghosts could give blowies.”

Cas wasn't into mood to talk just yet, so he grabbed the sheet and folded it around himself even tighter. Dean laughed until he felt Cas's hand slide farther south than it had in awhile. He stilled, not in panic-but wondered where the bottle was he kept on the nightstand. But the more Cas’s hand moved over that sensitive spot, the more comfortable he became as he realized his husband was already a step or two ahead. He was gentle with Dean, just like the first time at the cottages. So gentle in fact, he found himself needing and wanting more.

“Cas..um.. it's ok, if you wanna..try something different” he panted, already getting quite rev’d. It was feeling pretty darn good and the ache deep in his tummy told him to be brave and let Cas venture through unchartered territory. So he tried relaxing as much as possible, while Cas rubbed and pressed circles around and inside the ring of muscles. Then he felt a finger carefully push in farther, it felt weird. It didn't hurt, but it wasn’t all that pleasurable either, despite him knowing Cas was doing his very best to make it so. He redoubled his efforts to relax during the bizarre intrusion, Cas slid another gentle finger in and began to stretch him further while also providing his mouth for distraction. That was a nice part he could focus on quite well. Suddenly he felt Cas brush against something that initially yielded an alarming sensation. It took a few seconds to process whether it felt good or not. It definitely did and Deans tummy was assaulted with wave after wave of new feelings. He also was beginning to mildly panic at emotional feelings that were bubbling up to the surface. It was inevitable given his history, but he willed himself to focus on the pleasant sensations. Reminding himself firmly it was his angel, cautiously, sweetly and with loving intent providing the sensations. As bubbles of darkness would surface he shot them down with happy, sexy memories with Cas and held them tightly. He refused to let the darkness win.

He also wondered if maybe what Cas was doing was something his body was fine with, but wouldn't ever be hog wild for. That happened, right? Not everyone likes everything...Yes it felt fine but the craving in his tummy was recognizably now, for something more. Perhaps it was a “go big or go home” type of scenario. He wanted Cas, he wanted him with such ferocity his body began shaking. Having Cas's warm body plastered against him, moving inside, and holding him with firm, reassuring hands sounded pretty good.

Dean ripped off the sheet and tugged Cas up to him. His eyes were huge as he asked with grave concern, “Did I hurt you? Are you having a hard time with this?”

“No, it's ok I promise you,” he held Cas’s chin and looked him right in eye's to reassure him there was no problem and he’d done nothing wrong. “You were good, honest. I-I want you Cas, I think I’m ok to at least try. But if you aren’t then it's still ok, you won’t disappoint me if you can’t.”

“Are you feeling anything..like are you having to push things away?”

“Just flashes, darkness, but you're here and you're making me feel good. All I think about is you, I can kiss you, smell you, touch you, and it goes away.”

Cas's heart rate was racing. He hoped Dean wanted this and that he could give this to him. In truth, he was afraid it would bring him back to that place, but here was Dean..far more the victim than he..wanting the purest of love from him. Asking his help to wipe their slates clean and take what rightfully belonged to them. This is what Cas had dreamed about for him, to see the man he dearly loved finally recognizing he deserved to have what he wanted and if need be, to fight for it. Cas was quite scared, but he would show no less courage. They would conquer this by keeping and holding their love for each other at the center, so it outshined anything threatening to take it away.

“Yes, I want this. I want you so much” Cas declared.

He got what he needed from the bottle, laid on his left side next to Dean who was still comfortably lying on his back. Cas tugged at his left thigh, tilting his hip up a little. He kissed his husband with the same tender reverence he wanted to show him while making love. Dean was aching for him and delicately moved against Cas's erection. For a few moments they both enjoyed moving like that, then Dean begged him to start.

“Please, please tell me to stop ..if-if you..need to,” Cas urged.

Dean nodded in response, looking at him with wide eyes full of need. Cas nudged against Dean and very, very slowly began pushing inside. It was so warm,  the sensations were almost overwhelming. He went as slow as he could, kissing Dean in an effort to distract him from the very strange, first time feelings. He’d gotten past the tight ring and decided to pause, giving time to adjust. Dean’s breathing indicated he was stressed, but keeping it under control.

It was difficult not hearing his thoughts or sensing his feelings, but humans managed all the time. They’d just have to work on being more vocal. Cas already found the idea appealing, he’d loved the few times Dean had let slip something dirty in the heat of the moment. He resumed when both seemed ready, feeling a deliberate push against him was reassuring that Dean was doing so well. Yet he was no less gentle, just in case. He couldn't believe how good Dean felt, and his little sighs and moans kept him in a steady frenzy. The beautiful man he was married to trusted him completely, so he would do his best to be deserving of it and make him feel as phenomenal as possible.

All was well until a few moments later,Dean had stopped his movements and just breathed as calmly as he could. Cas was maybe halfway to the sweet spot so he nibbled his neck and whispered Enochian words of fiery passion and devotion. He began lovingly stroking him, which seemed to help.

“Talk to me, please...I can’t hear you. I miss your thoughts, tell me what you're feeling.”

Dean's eyes were shut tight, his breathing was the same as on the plane when Cas first kissed him. From that memory alone, Cas could tell Dean was really struggling and it wasn't what he wanted for him. But he didn't want to throw in the towel just yet. Possessing a trick up his sleeve, he stilled his hips and twisted himself over Dean’s.

_ Ehhh, I don’t know...uugh, I love him so much but this just feel-WHAT IN THE HELLLLLLLLL is he doing???!!! That is some straight up Cirque du Soleil contortion-ooooooh yeeeeeeaaah. _

“Oh my GAWD Cas, how are..ooo...yooo..mm...doing this?” Dean honest to Chuck wanted to know, but also appreciated that when you get surprised with sex and a blow job simultaneously, you don’t question it. YOU ENJOY IT. Cas had proven time and time again his oral skills were out of this world, so if he was willing to get that bendy to help Dean through this part, he was gonna push through come Hell or high water. His respiratory rate increased and he put all of his energy into chilling out, letting Cas do his thing. Dean found himself far more calm when he focused on the wondrous things Cas was doing with his mouth. Once again he managed to time the movement of his hand and mouth perfectly, and before Dean knew it Cas was nestled in niiiiice and snug up where it suddenly felt amazing.

Cas pulled off his cock, replaced his mouth with his hand to keep the good times rolling, and kissed his tummy then his ribs. He nibbled up to his back and shoulder, grumbling in a sexy, gruff voice, “Is that better husband?”

Dean was speechless, all he could do was nod rather enthusiastically. Cas tilted his hips again and pushed in deep, stretching him slowly so he could watch the fireworks spread across Dean's face.

“It's aaall good once I start pushing right there isn’t it? I know that feeling. You give me that feeling and it's perfect.”

Dean bit his lip, when he felt Cas slide home his eyes rolled right into the back of his head and his husband smiled darkly.  

“Aah, Cas jeezus..uh.. that's just...awh man..kiss me, please just kiss me.”

“As you wish,” Cas hissed before crushing their lips together and teasing him with his tongue.

The languid, deep nudges against his prostate continued and Dean found he barely maintained a grip on his mental faculties. With every leisurely, careful thrust Dean saw stars and felt shocks of pleasure firing off deep inside him. He was fairly certain he sounded like some drunk and drooling half witted idiot. Occasionally dark flashes and feelings would surface, like getting zapped after scooting across carpet wearing socks. Holding that favorite color of blue in his mind when his eyes would close of their own accord helped chase away anything threatening to tarnish this experience. When they’d open, he'd be drawn from the edge of his past into the real ones gazing with pure love for only him.

Cas felt his heart would burst from so much emotion, but part of him was holding back a side which craved far more command of the situation. It was difficult to manage, being mostly human again with overwhelming feelings pulling him in different directions all at once.

_ I have to keep this on lockdown, at least for now til I’m sure he’s ok with this and wants to do it again. The only way to do that is to drive him crazy with things he likes. But there are things I like too…. _ So he rested his forehead against Dean's, enjoying the glorious motion and pace they had. Surprisingly Dean, as overcome as he was in the throws of passion, sensed Cas needed something.

“Tell me Cas, you still ok?….” he sighed.

Oh Dean! Still not focusing on yourself! But you are unfailingly kind and I love you for it.

Cas had to know if he was in good shape so far also, he stared right into the green forest with utmost certainty and answered, “Yes, all is well. You?”

“S’goo-d Cas.. really, good. Promise.”

“I love you like this Dean, you look amazing and you feel amazing. Don't want...to stop.”

“Then don’t stop...please anything but that. I feel so full..you’re so thick..so m-much better..had..no idea it was….this….good.”

_ Such sweet things you say……. _ Cas took Dean’s hand to show him what he was after. “I want to watch….” he stated in a low, firm tone.

Dean flashed a brief smile of amusement and satisfaction that his earlier suspicion was correct. More than willing to play right into his husbands voyeuristic predilections, Dean happily did as he was told. If it were even possible, Cas’s pupils dilated even further, and his expression shifted from innocent love to pure, unadulterated lust. His slid his hand south to massage Dean’s boys appreciatively, while taking immense gratification in observing how the variety of stimulation was breaking his favorite human apart.  

“God Dean I love you like this, letting me please you, giving me your trust, your body. It's perfect, you're perfect. Mmmmmm, it's going to feel so good cumming inside you.”

Dean looked at Cas, who seemed as lost in a euphoric state as he was, and felt a dull ache begin to spread from deep inside. He pushed back against him, his stomach muscles tightened and curled. Reaching with his left hand across Cas, he grabbed a handful of that gorgeous hair and pulled him in for more kisses.  His muscles were squeezing, twisting, and contracting every which way. He wasn’t chasing anything anymore, there was no holding back, no putting up a wall, no trying to push through because everything was hitting him from all different directions. No matter which way he moved, or not, something was gettin’ some love and he was gonna burst from stimulation overload.

He could hear fantastic rumblings of satisfaction from Cas, obviously pleased in that awesome way which usually had him weak in the knees. He was spinning higher than a kite as Cas devoured his neck while moving in that mind blowing range of not too fast and not too slow. Suddenly everything cinched deep down inside and he felt his orgasm roll through and hit like a tsunami. He was gasping and groaning uncontrollably and felt the shockwaves from Cas too, as if they actually swayed back and forth between them. Thick, hot liquid exploded over his hand onto his tummy and kept going with each sinful movement perpetuated by the tight pulses still happening inside him.

_ “ _ You're everything I never dreamed I could have,” Cas declared as he desperately tried to catch his breath.

Dean was too stunned to speak. Not only was he trying to get enough air in, he felt like he was having an out of body experience. Or out of this world maybe. Inside, he felt so bright, like he’d unlocked a sun which had always wanted to shine in his chest and would never let the darkness that had settled there back in. Cas moved to get up and Dean grabbed him, pulled him on top, and placed his hand over his heart. Their foreheads rested against each other as they still were trying to catch their breath. He cried when he felt their hearts beating in simultaneous rhythm. Their hearts and souls were irrevocably intertwined and truly, perfectly at home with one another. He couldn't help the flow of tears pouring down his face, nor did he want to. Love was pouring from Cas, he could feel it, really and truly feel it. His Cas had always loved him and miraculously he’d loved him back, even without the memory of their in between. It was indeed beyond time and had the power to pull each other from the darkest places which they’d found themselves, in life and in death. His arm wrapped around Cas and his hand touched his face as he kissed it all over through the tears.

“Don't get up just yet. Cas lay here and hold me please,” he asked.

Cas held him...cocooned him actually. They stayed like that for a long time, before Cas realized Dean had fallen back asleep.  _ Guess that took a lot out of him.  _ He very cautiously got up from the bed and wiped him off. Taking a shower, he mentally ran through the list of things he planned to organize. He couldn't leave now though, not after what happened. He wanted to be there when Dean woke up, to kiss him and make sure he was still alright. So errands could wait, it was always good to cuddle with that gorgeous man anytime.

Dean woke up burrowed in Cas’s side, he didn't remember falling back asleep.

“Sorry, damn, that was an asshole thing to do,” Dean apologized.

Cas tilted his head, “Why would you equate getting rest with being an asshole?”

“It kinda implies the sex was boring...which it absolutely was NOT.”

“No it was not. It was wonderful and perfect, so I consider you resting after something so intense a compliment. I like it when I’ve worn you out...in any sense.”

“Well then mission accomplished, you were so awesome I was rendered  unconscious in post-coital bliss,” he lazily smiled and rubbed his scruffy face against Cas's bare chest.

Cas beamed, his heart was doing flip flops, “That's a very nice compliment.”

“Did your heart just have a wobble?! I felt it...you ok?!” Dean shot up in worry.

Cas's face was bright pink, “No I’m fine.. promise. I-I believe you actually made my heart skip a beat,” he whispered shyly, pulling the covers over his head.

“Shoot Cas, yer turning me into a pile of goo here,” he replied in his own bashful tone.

“Speaking of….you need a shower!” Cas laughed.

“Fair enough, care to join?”

“Care to..yes. Will? No.”

Dean's face was curious.

Cas asked, “Are you alright with what happened? I mean really ok?”

“More than ok. It was the best morning ever, I feel so good right now. Thanks to you it's gonna be one more Cas-centric addiction I have.”

Relief flooded him, “You’ll never hear me complain about such an addiction. I fear I’m afflicted as well.”

“Then let's drown in our addictions today, up for round two? What the hell was that bendy move by the way?” Dean cooed, eyebrows mischievously waggling.

“Jimmy was born with an anomaly in his spine, I’m glad today it proved advantageous.”

“I’m a huge fan of that move.”

Cas grinned so wide that Dean had liked it. The brave, freckled wonder was reeling at the thought of getting to have sex all day long, but the poor guy got shoved off Cloud Nine unexpectedly.

“I love that idea too, but you need to give it a rest. It's easy to overdue, despite how badly you want it. I’ve taken the liberty of planning our day tomorrow, which you’ll need energy for, so I’m going to run out for a bit. Shall I bring anything back for you?”

Dean was immediately beyond curious, “What is on the itinerary?”

“I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you...and I’d rather not,” Cas mused.

It pained Dean to let him go out on his own, so human and fragile. But he knew it was unreasonable to go with him everywhere, so he stuffed the apprehension down and let him go. However, not before riling him up like the lovable shit Cas knew so well. The intrepid newbie was forced to leave with a large bulge in his shorts and an unapologetic grin from Dean stuffing his face with a sandwich and waving from the window.

He returned a few hours later to an early dinner and a husband eager to suggest a night hike. Cas was thrilled and grabbed a few things before they headed out towards the Alexandra Falls. They’d been there not long before, so navigating the trail was at least familiar, albeit quite a trek. It was a four mile hike one way but setting out early with good fuel in their bellies ensured a successful journey. Both were drenched in sweat by the time they arrived and so the first order of business was a swim. As the sun began to fade they were walking through a beautiful canyon, trudging knee deep in the creek and enjoying the sounds of nature from the forests twilight shift of critters. Cas suggested they rest on a rather wide slab of stone jutting out in the middle of the creek. They decided it would be a cool spot for Dadirri, so they sat back to back and allowed the stunning environment to lull them into perfect stillness. After a while Dean opened his eyes and was pleased to see   the phenomenon he’d heard about and hoped to experience with Cas.

_ I’d rate this as “exceeds expectations.” _

He carefully sat forward and slowly made his way around to face Cas who thankfully still had his eyes closed. He leaned in and gently placed a soft kiss on his lips, then waited. 

 

Cas slowly opened his eyes and first saw Dean inches away from his face, smiling brightly at him. Then Dean sat back, allowing the night scenery of the forest take Cas's breath away. As they sat on the stone, thousands upon thousands of fireflies floated around them. The lightning bugs lit up the lush forest in such a way that neither of them would question the possibility they’d wandered into a magical realm. 

“Dean this is so lovely,” Cas marveled.

Careful not to disturb the swarm currently hovering peacefully around their chunk of rock, Dean scooted back into Cas and sat between his legs, leaning into him.

“Supposed to be the end of lightening bug season any day now, thought it would be cool to check it out. I never got to run around and catch’em as a kid but I figured the show could be worth it if we were lucky, if not then at least we got some good cardio and a swim in.”

Cas ran his fingers through Dean's wet hair and whispered a quiet “Thank you.”

As he leaned his head back on Cas's left shoulder, he grabbed his hand too and laced their fingers together.

“Mother Nature gives us some of the best shows, this does kinda of feel like an other-worldly Avatar Tree Spirit moment which is cool. I know how hard being human is for you Cas. I can’t take back kicking you out of the bunker the first time, how you managed so well on your own amazes me. You're managing now far better than anyone would expect. But I’m here now, for better or for worse. You deserve to experience all the good parts of being human. So here we are sweaty,soaked, exhausted, and for sure this stone slab is a platter serving us up for somebody's dinner….”

Cas expression turned suspicious and doubtful about whatever Dean's punchline was.

“What I’m trying to say is, I want to show you the worthwhile parts of being human. Not all of it consists of bad toothpaste and always having to pee. I want to show you the best side of it so you don’t regret losing your grace so much.”

Cas realized what he was trying to say and explained to Dean why he never need worry about it.

“I have spent more years than your species could ever conceive of with my grace and all the associated ‘powers and perks’. In truth, I feel part of me is missing and now in its place are a number of discomforts and inconveniences. Yet I can’t help but view my situation in the simplest of terms. With my grace, my family didn't accept me, I didn't accept myself. Now my grace is gone forever, but I have a human life with a human family that chose me, loves me..just for me. After all my years, you can’t imagine how perfect it feels, what a relief it is. I will NEVER see this as a downgrade or something to regret.”

“You make me happy Cas. I’ve never been this happy before.”

“Well there is one thing that would make me happier………”

Dean wore an expression of intense interest, he never could resist learning new ways to make him happy.

Cas carefully pulled something out of his backpack and placed it in Dean's hand. His husband looked down to see a mason jar and Cas holding another.

“First one to catch enough lightning in a bottle to read by gets out of laundry t’night!” he proposed with a twinkle in his eye. He kissed Dean’s cheek, then tore off downstream leaving splashes and a fiercely competitive husband in his wake.

They were exhausted by the time they trudged in the house. Cas had lost to Dean who was surprised he caught so many fireflies so fast. They immediately released them once a swift judgement was made on Cas’s dimmer than dim jar. After a shower in which both fell asleep in the middle of, they stumbled into bed like zombies.

 


	26. Chapter 26

The following morning Cas had his will power severely tested as Dean made every damnable effort to engage him in one form or another of sexual mischief. But he ultimately stood his ground, much to Dean's astonishment.

“Calm yourself, really you should be saving your energy Dean,” he advised..again.

“WHY? Or are you trying to lose at bottling sexual tension too?”

Cas shot him an amused look, “That’s low for even you. It would defeat the purpose of the surprise if I divulged the why, but since you're so sexy when you beg, I’ll leave you with the simple explanation for today……It's my turn,” and with that he walked off leaving Dean to chew on it.

Cas heard his rather loud “Aha!” moment as he stood in the kitchen drinking coffee while Dean showered.

As Dean rounded the corner with a towel around his waist, water dripping everywhere and an ear to ear grin plastered stupidly across his face. Cas cut him off before he could even start up.

He pointed at Dean to emphasize he was in no mood for his adorableness, especially after the morning's nearly successful and very tempting sexual advances, “Not a word! I don't want to hear it! You're NOT adorable! Go get dressed.”

_ It’s date night! Er..day, or maybe an all day thing? What on earth could Cas have planned? Oh..what if this is all weird stuff? Doesn't matter if I get to watch him wear my favorite smile all day. _

“Hey Cas! What are you wearing?” he peered over the first floor to see Cas finishing his coffee, still dressed as the good Lord made him. He looked up at Dean, took a sip of coffee, and maintained his stoic expression.

Dean half spoke to himself, half asked Cas, “Is it Naked Thursday again already?”

That got an eye roll at least. “Naked Thursday? Dean, since when have we assigned a day of the week? If anything it would be Clothes On Thursday since that's realistically about as often as we cover up.”

“C’mon, just don’t wanna get overheated and gross cuz you've grievously misjudged the dress code or who knows what….”

“Bring pants, long sleeves, and tennis shoes to change into that you don’t mind getting dirty. You bought us both black pants didn’t you? Grab them and bring us along some dark shirts too.”

He was quiet for most of the drive to phase 1 of date...whatever.

_ What on earth has he got up his sleeve? _

Dean thought as they pulled into Cape Tribulation Fruit Farm at high noon. Cas had his sunglasses on, his hair was thoughtfully windswept and sexed up in retaliation for the crap he’d been put through earlier that morning. He wore a pale orange button up with grey shorts which hugged his ass and thighs in the best way possible. Dean had to give it to him, even with the orange he could carry out sexual revenge like no other.  _ Sun. Of. A. Bitch. this is gonna be a rough day for keeping my hands to myself. _

_ “ _ Lunch time. Hungry?” Cas's eyes danced with excitement and hope.

“For more than just food of course,” Dean replied with his ‘challenge accepted’ expression.

“Apologies now then, as this farm accommodates only one type of appetite.”

“One’s better than nothing,” Dean mused.

They walked through an old barn which had been converted into a fruit stand and Dean's attention was immediately diverted to the produce for sale that looked like it was from Planet X. Weird and wonky shaped, multicolored, and multi textured items were on display and samples were handed out in copious quantities. Normally Dean wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this because he knew from personal experience it usually attracted his favorite kind humans, of the hippie-vegan-fairy-fortune-teller variety. Yet, Cas had planned the day. No matter the outcome, his husband had done it with the special brand of thoughtfulness that only he had, which Dean loved plain and simple. Not to mention he was a fan of food, so  _ when in Rome. _

They made it out of the barn with samples of dragon fruit to munch on. Dean had to admit, the mild flavor was different but pleasant. They walked to the large patio out back decorated with large umbrellas shading welcoming, tropic colored tables nestled in between bright plants. Cas ordered them beers, a sample platter to share, and the Jackfruit tacos….which took Dean some coaxing and a solid kick under the table to distract the lingering apprehension left from that one Tuesday ages ago.

“There's no meat Dean, you won't die from food poisoning.”

“What kind of taco doesn’t have meat?? If there's not meat, it's not a taco,” Dean stated..then he looked confused.

“That’s the spirit! If that's what gets you through...then it's not a taco. But you're still trying it.”

The tacos came, along with the sample platter and beer. Fifteen minutes later the beer was gone and so was everything else on the table.

“Sam would love this place, gotta ask them for the recipe,” Dean mumbled. “The chocolate pudding fruit wasn’t half bad.”

“Is that why it was gone in three minutes and I never got to try it?”

“You did too!”

“Nope, I had the mamey sapote...that creamy one, I did not have the chocolate fruit. Didn't even offer me a bite….tsk, tsk. So selfish Dean,” Cas mocked, but of course he was thrilled Dean tried something new and healthy, and then ate it all up. He was even happy about the selfish part, he needed to think about himself sometimes.

They had to walk through the barn again and Cas expected to go straight to the car. He turned though when he realized Dean wasn’t right behind him, but jumped up and down on the inside with victory as he saw Dean's arms full of the chocolate and dragon fruits, and a few other weird ones, while waiting in line.

Cas walked up nonchalantly and asked, “For Sam?”

“Yeah……..No..Shut up,” Dean softly barked, then inconspicuously leaned over and laid a quick peck on the side of Cas's head. “Lunch was good Buddy, thanks.”

It was a shy, but sincere statement which made Cas feel good that phase 1 was a success. They put Dean’s treasure trove of fruit in the back seat and Cas sped down the road to destination numero dos.

They drove into the parking lot for Daintree Wild Zoo, where they'd visited a few days before. Dean looked confused..again. Cas stood by one of the side buildings across from the main entrance checking his phone for the time.

“Wow, you were really into those bats weren't you? What is it with you and fuzzy winged things, eh?” Dean smirked as he recognized one of the Wildlife Large Animal vet staff waltzing over with enthusiasm.

“Just smile and wave Dean, smile and wave.”

_ Well aren’t you Joe Cool. Why do you have to be so cute? _

_ “ _ Castiel, I remember you and...Dean is it? You sure asked a lot about the bats. So nice to see you again, I’m Izzy if you remember. We’re thrilled you’ve volunteered, as it happens today is tremendously busy, a group is coming in tomorrow but today we're really needing help...two unexpected drop offs early this morning,” she nervously rambled and fumbled hurriedly with her keys.

_ What in God’s name has he signed us up for?! Are we feeding something? I’m not feeding the Crocs, Cas can play Steve Irwin Reptile Whisperer all he wants, I will not go out as Croc chow! Maybe we should’ve reviewed appropriate date activities, and how wrong wildlife encounters can go…. _

Cas was chuckling to himself as he watched Dean attempt to maintain his composure while assuming he’d signed them up to clean the Goanna enclosure or feed the Pythons.

Izzy led them through the building which felt like a pleasant mix of country vet office and country vet residence. They were brought to a room with two long couches and other very plain looking wooden furniture arranged along the walls in an odd manner. She asked them to sit and said they could get started when she returned. The back screen door led out to a modest sized enclosed back yard with a latched gate revealing it attached to a small, landscaped field type of area further out. Not the sort of property you expected to see zoo-adjacent. Cas burst into laughter at Dean who looked like a deer caught in headlights. Here was a lethal, fearsome hunter of the supernatural sitting on the couch utterly terrified of whatever the poor woman would return with.

“It's snakes isn't it, just tell me now Cas. Why did it have to be snakes…..”

“Relax Dr. Jones. It's not snakes, crocodiles, or bats. None of the above. I'm certain you’ll warm to this immediately,” Cas soothed and held his hand.

“You possess an incredibly powerful skill which you frequently underestimate, in fact you're the best I’ve ever seen at it. Others can greatly benefit from you sharing this skill, it sounds like today is one of those days,” Cas quieted his voice to still Dean's nerves, but also to hold his attention as Izzy returned along with a man.

“This is Victor, my assistant.”

Cas received a half-filled pillow case from him, and Dean from Izzy. Something warm and alive had been placed in Dean's arms and as the top of the pillowcase opened, two large ears flopped out and a rather long foot, belonging to a baby Kangaroo.

Victor explained, “Both Mums, by poachers early this morning. They're orphans now, they’ll need physical contact for several more months, you guys are really doing us a favor. I’m not off for another two hours but by then my daughter's will be here to help. We lose far too many that don’t get enough love at this crucial age after such a loss. Thanks so much.”

“I’ll be in and out of here a bunch, and close by so just holler if you need anything or have any questions. They've been fed, just snuggle them and enjoy- Ooh hello there!” she sang as a larger roo, about the size of a 1 year old child hippity-hopped in the room. “This is the zoo’s welcome wagon, Avang.”

“Mother?” Cas asked

“In the Kabi Kabi dialect, yes. She’s two years old and loves to care for the orphans we bring here. A big help in her own way. She's can’t hold them, but as long you're ok with it she’ll paw around and give them kisses. A lover that one is,” and with that, Izzy took off.

Dean’s baby roo looked up at him with wide eyes, shaking.

“Hey there little one, it's alright.”  _ Oh you poor thing. _

His heart melted immediately and he snuggled the pint sized bundle close to him.

Avang hopped right up to Dean, sniffed the small joey in his arms, and gave it a lick. Then she moved to his side between him and Cas, placed her right paw on Dean's arm and tugged lightly with her left on the makeshift pouch to inspect the baby's feet.

Cas was silent as the grave with his joey who had fallen asleep already to some gentle ear rubbing. He was very content in the moment, watching Dean turn into goo while interacting with the baby and now the sweet caretaker who clearly approved of him.

“Jeez it's too bad, wonder how old they are.”

“I’d say roughly four months, far too young to leave their mother. Without this kind of touch and affection they will die.”

“Affection.. that's the powerful skill I possess?” Dean wondered aloud in skeptical disbelief.

Cas nodded seriously, “One of a few. I also said you underestimate it, far too much. You need to hear something and please know my intent is not to alarm you. It's to explain the significant impact of this gift so you'll better understand the miraculous power you have. The fact is, a human infant who is fed and changed regularly but not touched, will die as surely as if starved..it would be truly starved in a sense. Which is scientific proof of how strongly our physical, emotional, and spiritual health are connected.

Dean closed his eyes tightly, “Please do not ever tell me how you know that to be a fact.”

“Hmm, well that fact Dean…. it saved Sam’s life. The innate love and affection you possess and gave him as a baby, literally saved his life.You cared for Sam so well, despite not receiving nearly enough affection yourself after the loss you experienced at such a young age. He is such a kind man Dean, no parent is perfect, you shouldn't have had to be his parent...but aren't you proud of the man your brother is?”

“Yeah. Of course I am.”

“He would not have survived without you, this is certain. You gave him the love and affection he needed when your father was too broken to do it himself. I’ve seen your soul in so many states, but never does it shine more brightly than when you are experiencing pure affection with someone. It’s a gift, and it heals you as well. It's healing you now, even though I can’t see.”

Dean pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows as if he was surprised to find himself agreeing.

“When I saw a pamphlet in the gift shop a few days ago offering this Kangaroo Cuddle Care experience, it seemed worth looking into because of the mutual benefit involved. My hope is that you continue caring for yourself in this way, in some capacity when we return home.”

“Workin’ on it,” he promised while rubbing the roos face with his thumb and trying to absorb the revelation about Sam.

_ I saved Sam as a baby? I’ve done plenty for him, but had no idea I saved him way back then. Just remember feeling so sad and it made me feel better holding him. He cried a lot too, so I held him to let him know I loved him. Didn't know that actually saved him….. _

“Plus it's fact that humans experience an increase in certain hormones when engaged in touch. I’ve witnessed how brilliantly happy you are when we're just kissing and snuggling, but I’m not the center of the universe. You need to branch out and begin sharing it. Something cuddly and soft is usually a safe start. I’ve shamelessly used your compulsion to help young ones in need to demonstrate the perks of such a charitable exercise.”

That expression of amused speculation spread across Dean’s face, “Been used for far worse, I suppose. They are kind of cute.”

_ Alright, alright. I gotta admit this is pretty neat. Kudos buddy. _

Avang bounced over to Cas, so he lowered the pillowcase for her to check out his baby. She fastidiously fussed over the sleeping roo with great care and concern. Then she looked at Dean and bounced back, holding her arms out to him as a toddler would. He gazed questioningly at Cas.

“They're quite social, pick her up and see what she wants,” Cas urged with contentment on his face.

Dean leaned over with his left arm and scooped her onto his lap. She pawed at his baby again and then reached up his arm, and rested her head on his shoulder.  

“Is she...she hugging me?” Dean grinned.

Cas was elated, he nodded and told him about an internet clip he’d once seen of a rescue sanctuary in Alice Springs where caretakers would walk the grounds and be lovingly assaulted with roo hugs.

Dean was impressed and Cas could see it by the way the smile went to his eyes. He wouldn't mention it, not a word. With Dean, it was best to let him be and savor the moment. This hunter put on a gruff facade most of the time. Yet it was written all over his husband's face, he was a softy for this stuff and he was eating it up with a spoon.

Avang hopped around the room over to some other furniture, up and through the open drawers and shelves playing for a while. She made her way to Cas eventually, sat in his lap too, and fell asleep against him with her giant feet in the air. The vet checked in with them occasionally, though they didn't need anything because all three roos were a breeze. Dean’s had calmed when he spoke to it quietly with very light bouncing, like in Mama's pouch.

Victor came in later with two young girls, and Izzy, “How’d it go? They look far more calm now…”

“They were great, such a shame about their mom's,” Dean said.

“All we can do is give them love here and teach how to be proper kangaroos. You both are the first to cuddle them, so ya get the honor of naming them. Both boys..what’ll it be?”

“Oh…uh, ” Dean said in surprise, he thought for bit and stated, “Kevin.”

“Kevin it is! You?” Victor asked looking at Cas, who apparently already had chosen due to the smile on his face.

“Charlie... the name is considered appropriate for either gender, isn’t it Dean?”

_ Idiot is gonna make me cry. “ _ Yep, she’d love it.”

“Kevin and Charlie, welcome to the family!” Victor bellowed. “Thanks a million guys, we have a roo cam online through our site and post updates if you ever  want to see how their doing. And come back any time.”

Walking out to the car Cas asked, “Be honest, your mood is improved isn't it?”

“Kinda hard not to be. And I’m never eating another roo. They're too damn cute,” Dean confessed with the right side of his mouth slightly up turned. As Cas drove them out of the zoo lot, Dean had to give credit where credit was due.

“Gotta admit-you had me worried there for a minute, thought you'd turned into the big guy from Harry Potter with some fetish for deadly things. I’m not really one for pets, but it was nice to give them some comfort after what happened. Just don't tell Sam, he’ll start a campaign for a bunker guard dog,” he snorted.

Cas didn't need his grace to see Dean enjoyed the experience, he drove them to destination numero trés with growing confidence that his first attempt at putting together a date wasn't terrible.

They arrived at Stewart Creek Paintball Complex forty five minutes later and Dean’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

“Whaat? Awh, Sammy and I always wanted to try this!”

Cas was pleased with his response, at least this time they were going into the activity with Dean already enthusiastic. He could drop the worrying, and just have fun with his giddy, man-child of a husband getting violent, sweaty, and messy. The thought reminded him to cover the seats with the towels he’d brought along. Dean grabbed the bag with their clothes and they headed in to rent the rest of what they’d need.

Three hours later they were in the locker room changing out of clothing drenched in sweat. Dean was covered in purple and blue paint. Cas had only two splatters which he’d received after their games, for his remarks about Dean’s. Both wore huge grins and recounted the afternoon's greatest hits back and forth the whole way back to the house. Cas always had his back in a fight, it was no surprise he’d impressed everyone in the arena...the ex Shield of God was a warrior after all, battle strategy came as natural to him as breathing. His serious commitment and focus on health in the last few weeks greatly aided his ability to keep up, it almost felt like old times...without the fear of the world ending should they lose of course.

The sun was hanging low in the sky when they strolled in with their fruit and dirty clothes. The soreness from getting pelted began settling in for Dean, though he wouldn't dare complain. He’d been through far worse, and he had too much fun to consider it a discomfort. Cas ordered him into the shower while he started their mystery dinner, but as he watched Dean pull off his clothes, he took in all the red and purple bruises from the paintballs.

_ Oh my gosh Dean your body!! You poor thing! I’ll have to kiss all those better….ugh! You look so sexy with your hair all messed up and paint still on your neck, and that gorgeous smile-for me... If I didn't have plans for us in a bit...breathe..breathe... _

“Don't take too long in there, I have to shower too!!” he hollered, chopping and layering like a maniac. When Dean returned from the shower, Cas planned to have the food baking in the oven so both hands were free to grab….well, everything.

Dean strolled out ten minutes later sans clothes, just as Cas preferred him.  _ Who am I kidding, I freaking love it too.  _ He froze when he found Cas standing at the kitchen counter, drinking a beer, and staring at him….eyebrow raised in that fucktastically dominant expression he’d not seen in weeks. His skin tingled like he’d been zapped, and a very strange relief rippled through him. He darted off l up the stairs to the bedroom, wondering if he was seeing things. What he discovered waiting for him released a flood of emotion he hadn’t realized was building since that night in the cavern. Laid out on their bed was a carefully pressed, white button up shirt and next to it rested blue boxer briefs and the tie matching his angels cerulean eyes. Dean gulped, and his eyes became full with emotion because this was another part of their bond which had carried over, transcended what had happened. Obviously humans had these predilections as well, but it was an additional reminder of how this beautiful creature was so intuitive with his every need. He wiped his eyes and stuffed down the water works, he could hear Cas getting in the shower downstairs but he didn't need to discover him feelsy over this of all things. He might misunderstand and then a necessary explanation before the fun even begins would ruin it.

Dean loved Cas beyond reason, angel or not, whatever made him...well, HIM, was what Dean wanted by his side for the rest of his days. One thing was clear- having experienced sex with Cas, he knew it was not the grace which made it so extraordinary. It was their bond, which unbeknownst to them both until recently, began hundreds of thousands of years before Dean was born. He was so grateful the dynamic had crossed over with him.

Dean was aware he held on to duty, responsibility, and obligation too tightly at times..so much so that he’d begun at some point having trouble shutting off and letting himself be cared for. Yet, now he finally understood why he trusted Cas with his heart, mind, body, and soul so completely. It was because he, Dean Winchester, really was the answer to an angel's prayer. He had been made specifically for Castiel, Angel of the Lord, the Shield of God. Yes, there was the fact he and Sam had been keys to the prophecy..which was chalked up to the Heavenly Host selfishly grasping for control amongst themselves like childish bullies while their monarch father was away. Though, perhaps in order to prevail against such impossible juvenile tendencies of unsupervised celestial titans, someone knew...long ago, that Dean couldn't stand up to them alone. Maybe God or maybe another power entirely, had peered through the mysteries of space and time, to foresee that this world’s survival depended on a bond as strong as theirs. After all-warriors could not effectively engage in offensive battle with only a tool of defense, nor would they succeed in defending themselves exclusively by wielding a weapon. Castiel was an angelic shield by design, and Dean an angelic sword by prophecy. Though they had been created eons of time apart, their future was destined to move forward and eventually end...together. Suddenly he felt this epiphany take anchor in his soul with absolute permanence, restoring a faith he’d been missing for years.

Other questions swirled in his mind, along with the realization that he had been made for Cas, an idea took hold. Dean wondered, what if Cas had gotten it backwards? He was currently in no danger, there was no rival for affection, so no display of a claim or protection was necessary. Even if there had been, Dean himself would’ve shot that down real quick. As a human, he didn't merely react favorably to some sexually dominant predilections which Cas possessed, given their difference in species. Even when Dean himself couldn’t see he was at his limit and needed to let go of his death-like grip on control, his husband was instinctively sensing and reacting to HIM. To see to and care for his HIS needs. Not any external threats as had been explained. Which also meant when Dean went weak in the knees at Cas’s commands, he wasn’t actually getting a kink high from the power dynamic-although admittedly, he did think it was pretty awesome. It was his body singing in recognition and relief that his husband, his soul mate, would be lifting his burdens for a time in a sense, to ensure he was...recalibrated, grounded. Cas not only had been granted the soul his heart had desired for so long, but gifted with the instinct and ability to keep him in a healthy place, to thrive.

Dean now wondered if the angels severe disdain for him wasn’t out of pure jealousy. Rage and jealousy that an angel had the heart to ask for love, had endured THEIR sentencing...not God's, only to walk out of exile and be given the very mission which would deliver that love to him on a silver platter.  _ We won, you righteous dicks. _

A quiet exhilaration was buzzing in the room as Dean put on the boxer briefs. He nervously dithered over presenting himself with a clean cut, buttoned up look of a bygone era, versus the endearingly disheveled, sexed out appearance of a weird dorky guy he was totally over the moon for. It would all come off anyhow so in the spirit of easy access, he left the top button undone and the tie slightly askew. He’d just plopped down on the bed to chill when Cas climbed the stairs naked and soaking wet, droplets from his hair fell and cascaded down his chest...suddenly leaving Dean feeling parched and licking his lips. He did his best to stifle a tiny, involuntary squeal and smoothed down his..er Cas’s tie.

“Are we out of towels?” Dean asked.

“No.”

“Ah..no”  _ Of course there's no elaboration. _

Cas walked right up to Dean and slid his hand under the shirt, teasing the soft skin around his belly button. He took one look at the backwards tie, glanced at Dean with an unreadable expression, and began to fidget with the second and third buttons...slowly...remembering how Dean seemed to have a  _ thing _ for his hands as well as other parts.

As the buttons were undone one by one, Dean could feel Cas’s wet fingers graze his tummy and chest, giving him chills. There was something very arousing about him messing with the shirt while standing there drenched and dripping everywhere, not giving a damn whatsoever. The top button was already undone and the tie adjusted to rest against the skin of his neck. Both of Cas’s hands roamed over his chest freely, then scratched down his belly to his hip bones. A sharp intake of breath from Dean preceded his abdominal muscles clenching and contracting in response. It hadn't hurt, but it was unexpected and left him vibrating with anticipation.

Cas slid his fingers under the tie, just barely touching the skin underneath where it had laid, and praised him.

“I so enjoy your attention to detail…” Cas practically hissed, “such efforts deserve reward, hm?”

Aaaand just like that Dean found himself unable to speak, but capable of an enthusiastic nod.  _ What is up with my voice? How does he do that! _

Taking a step back, Cas hungrily stared at the minor changes in Dean’s attire since joining him upstairs. Shirt unbuttoned, tie pointing southerly to my-blue-heaven, red fading scratches against tan skin, and now a beautifully distinct bulge underneath the gorgeous shade of tightening navy around his waist.  _ Yes, this will do for a start… _

_ “ _ I too have noticed a small detail which seems to capture your undivided attention, repeatedly.”

Dean’s curiosity was peaked, he tilted his head in question.

“You’re looking thirsty. I’m wet. Remedy the situation.”

_ Fuuuuuck yes.  _ Dean’s pupils went berserk and he found himself actually salivating in response to Cas’s words. He closed the distance between them and without breaking eye contact, ran his left hand through Cas's hair so the moisture ran down his neck and back. Cas waited patiently as Dean walked behind him, then shivered, feeling a warm mouth kissing and lapping up the trails of water trickling down his back. That mouth was very, very thorough and paid marvelous attention to the entirety of his backside.

Once it began its northerly path, hands ran through his hair again at an angle causing mini waterfalls along his neck. They were collected with enthusiasm, and some permitted to escape, dripping over his chest. Dean kissed and licked over Cas’s shoulder as he walked around to face him again. He gripped handfuls of Cas’s hair, tugging this way and that so droplets spilled and splattered. This was one mess he was happy to clean up.

He went for his neck, sucking on his pulse which was racing. He bit and sucked again sharply which elicited a gasp from Cas, he started to pull back fearful he'd hurt him, but a hand flew up behind Dean's head and held him against a now raging pulse...begging for more. He couldn’t help the smile he desperately tried to hide as he resumed a feral-like assault on that reactionary spot. As Cas held him there, he let his hands slide from his hips down to his ass, squeezing and kneading appreciatively for well,  _ everything. _ He stood there for several minutes groping and biting, enjoying how every rumble, growl, and sigh from his husband went straight to his dick which was already lovingly pressing and rubbing against Cas’s.

Wishing he could linger but needing to move on to other sensitive areas, Dean gripped another handful of hair, making sure water fell and spilled over both nipples. He remembered how sensitive they were and gladly showered them with copious attention. His own heart rate was increasing, but it couldn't be helped. He enjoyed his ‘reward’ with enthusiasm and zero apologies. Having spent a fair amount of energy on his upper body, Dean licked and sucked all the way down the tummy that had begun showing an impressive layer of muscle, building itself back up. He briefly wondered exactly how fit Cas wanted to become and therefore how much work it would require on his part not to be outdone in the physique department. Resting comfortably on his knees, he’d gotten down to the sensitive zone between his favorite part of Cas anatomy and hip bones. Dean hovered in the area, wondering if the reward had been a package deal. He suddenly found Cas's beautiful hand dripping with more water which he lightly brushed against the bronze skin below his belly button, gifting him with droplets that poured down the length of his cock and glistened as they clung to his already swollen head. Dean’s needy mouth quickly swallowed it and sucked gently at first, pleased at how Cas’s muscled thighs immediately tensed in response. As his mouth happily worked to increase the suction on the growing length, he ran his fingers up and down the beautifully athletic muscles with soft, feathery touches. His efforts to please were further rewarded when Cas cupped his face with both hands and proceeded to carefully slide himself in and out of Deans mouth a few times.

Pulling back out, Cas rubbed his thick head against the wet, plump lips that were pouting at the loss and pleading for more. So he gave him more, he gave him all of it at a stunningly quick pace just as Dean had always implored him to do. Immediately the hands which had been tenderly grazing his thighs were gripping his ass, tugging him forward, encouraging him to continue taking pleasure from his mouth as fast and as hard as he wanted. So he did just that until the delicious ache in his tummy began twisting, prompting him to slow and then still himself before the point of no return.

Dean understood why he’d slowed, as glorious as it would be for him to cum like that, he wasn't ready for the good times to end any time soon either. So he contented himself quite well for a few seconds by gingerly sucking on the tip and when Cas delicately pulled away, he quickly kissed it before it was out of reach. He felt tension on the tie prompting him to stand, Cas slid his hands around Dean’s hips and down the back of his underwear to squeeze and enjoy his ass. His teeth grazed the skin along his neck and collarbone under the shirt, which hung loosely from his shoulder.

Dean was certain he heard a quiet, “such a good boy,” uttered under Cas’s breath which had him biting his lip and tensing from an electric shock sensation between his legs at those words of approval.  

The navy underwear was certainly testing it's integrity, Cas felt the deliciously hard length doing its darndest not to be obnoxious, or rather Dean trying to behave.  _ Another A for effort husband. _

Cas had been slowly nudging him backwards and when they bumped into the dresser he paused, lifting Deans hand to his mouth, he sucked on his thumb while unbuttoning the cuff of the shirt. Doing the same for the other side he became aware of the restraint Dean was employing to stay still against the dresser. He grabbed the tie and pulled his husband to the foot of the bed, standing behind him Cas pulled the shirt off his shoulders slightly and bit the skin as it appeared from under the falling material. Chills were visible on Dean’s skin, Cas loved that he elicited such a reaction.

Once the shirt had hit the floor, he motioned for him to turn around and sit, which he did..waiting expectantly for another instruction when Dean was heartily surprised by Cas kneeling and kissing his tummy. Casanova pulled the navy down juuust a tad and swirled his tongue around the tip. _Aren't I supposed to be doing what_ _he wants_? _I’m not complaining at aaalll...he wants to give me loves then I’m happy to oblige..Hmmmmmmm._ Cas contented himself showing Dean how nice it feels when he does the same for him. _Aaaaannd it does, I do like this very, very much. Especially when he makes those needy little sounds!_

It went on like that for several minutes, then with a slightly wicked grin to himself, Cas flipped him over on his tummy quicker than lightning, and Dean felt his underwear being tugged down in back showing his beautiful cheeks and before he knew it his ass was in the air, receiving a handprint so loud he was amazed the sound hadn't shattered glass. He closed his eyes, bit his lip, and thanked his lucky stars the love of his life was just the perfect level of freak. It was so damn good..the handprint felt like it would be there for weeks, and the best part was-he wanted more. So his husband gave him more, one on the other side to match. With each impact from a palm he felt himself getting even harder. In between each impact he felt the warmth of a hand rubbing away the sting.

He just about levitated from sensitivity and need when Cas started rubbing his dick in between his cheeks. That still somewhat new ache flared deep down in his abdomen, and he was aware of the leaking moisture from the front of his underwear that had pooled enough to seep through. He wanted Cas so badly and his control was slipping further by the second. Then he heard the lube bottle open and Cas began opening him up. Part of him was simmering in panic at being in such a vulnerable position, but the part that knew this was Cas, knew he’d never do anything to hurt him, was able to override anything negative threatening to surface. It still felt weird, despite Cas laboring in his efforts so gently, with such loving care, it just wasn’t Dean’s thing. Yet it was the only way to get to the phenomenal part he was craving so intensely. He pushed back against Cas's hand and felt another finger slide in slowly.

Finally Cas flipped him over again, ripped off the underwear, and with fire in his eyes for Dean he carefully pushed in. His face was pure ecstasy to watch, it was lust and love, dominion and reverence, purity and sin all in a single, cautious thrust of his hips. Suddenly he scooped Dean in his lap while holding him in a way that allowed for sliding down at his own pace. It surprised him how strong Cas was, he saw him doing exercises everyday to bounce back but knew these things took time.

He held on to Cas, wrapping his arms around broad shoulders and decided to challenge him.. _ because what's he gonna do to me? Spank me some more? Yessss please! _ He wanted Cas to talk, share his thoughts, even if they were dirty ones..Hell-ESPECIALLY if they were dirty ones. The few times his angel had let something inappropriate fly out of his mouth it sounded twice as filthy and three times as fun. Something akin to a celestial sailor lurked in that mind and it had obviously been wanting out. Not to mention it sent an electric shock down to all the best places.

“What do you want? Hmm? Don’t hold back. So quiet and proper...c'mon Casanova, let aaalllll that breathtaking deviance out for me,” Dean pleaded.

He teased by lazily swaying his hips, sinking down on him a little more. It seemed his husband hadn't been aware of that little nickname before now and damn was it well received. Cas instantly curled the tie around his fist, twisted it behind Dean, and then grabbed his ass with his other hand to squeeze and urge his movements.

Looking into Dean’s eyes with dark, primal need he growled, “I want to feel you moving in my lap, to watch as you take every inch of me.”

_ Yeeessss Cas... _ Dean rewarded the confession by pushing Cas back a little to rest on his elbows and began moving in a deliberately sinful manner. Biting his lip, he moaned in pleasure as his prostate  rubbed against his angels cock which was now completely buried inside him, sending fireworks every which way. Cas laid back completely, grabbed Dean's ass with both hands and squeezed his cheeks, then smacked one especially hard. Between the vibration and his prostate getting hit juuuust right Dean thought in another few seconds he’d shoot past the finish line. Then Cas started up again with that silver tongue of sex.

“Mmm that's good Dean, ride me as hard as you want. It’s all yours, every inch, let me see you pleasing yourself on me.”

_ Well fuuck.  _ “Uuuuh Hell angel, keep talking and I’ll keep pleasin’.”

Suddenly Dean got even more adventurous and hopped off only to face the other direction, just so Cas really could watch him take every inch. He wished he could see Cas’s face but this had always been one of his favorite positions before..with women..and well, if he was being honest, he found himself wondering what this side of it was like more than once. He was amazed to find he loved this way too, and so did Cas..he couldn't stop moving his hips to counter Dean's. They both got close a few times but backed off, it felt too good to give in so soon.

Cas was eager to have the upper hand again so he sat up and bumped Dean off his lap. Startled, Dean turned quickly and was shaken by the look in Cas’s eyes. He was staring at him like an unholy predator about to devour his prey. Every molecule in Dean’s body was screaming to stay put, while his hands were being placed on the headboard. The tie around his neck was yet again curled around Cas’s left hand and the right began roughly stroking his cock.

The warmth from his angels body against his back enveloped him as he heard a nearly crazed whisper in his ear, “I need you like this…”

Something in Dean snapped...as if a tether or chain had finally separated. He craved this so fiercely, felt the immeasurable need for it ripping through his mind, body, and soul. “I need..need it too. Please...talk to me, Cas.”

A kiss brushed against his neck, “As you wish,” and then a bite replaced the soft lips which had been there a moment earlier, causing an extremely pleasurable sensation not unlike a mild bolt of lightening running through his entire body. Chills rippled over his skin as Cas pushed inside him, which oddly enough began stilling a restlessness he’d never been able to identify. A sigh, more beautiful than anything Dean had ever heard, escaped from Cas’s lips right behind his ear and resonated in his heart.

Then a litany of Enochian words and prayers fell from Cas’s lips as he thrust into Dean, who had no idea what he was saying but suspected it was a blasphemous mix of reverent prayer and celestial filth. It raised the hair on the back of his neck in the very best way. He pushed into Cas’s hand, loving that his angel’s touch was heaven on earth and became lost in overwhelming sensation. When he pulled back, his tummy would curl in response to the wave sent forth from the delicious thrusts his husband gave him. He tried, but there was no controlling the moans and gasps coming out of his mouth.

“Dean you're so brave...so precious to me. Your body is perfect..made for me.”

_ Flattery will get you everywhere you fucking gorgeous God of mind blowing orgasms.  _ Cas’s words had such power over him. He would always miss being able to send him his thoughts but hearing him say such pleasant and dirty things out loud was unbelievably satisfying. He tilted his hips and pushed back against him with more force, the delicious punching sensation against that tight spot inside sent him into orbit. He could actually feel his already marble hard dick becoming even harder with each bump from Cas.

“You want it deeper?” Cas growled.

“Yes...yes..show me how hard you can fuck,” he breathed out and reached back to grab a handful of Cas’s hair, “I need..I..I”  _ Holy shit what was I gonna say, hmm Cas this is goooood. _

“It’s alright, I know what you need Dean...you need me to take care of you, for me to fuck into you, hitting that spot right there.” Dean screamed and almost blacked out as Cas’s hips delivered a thrust at the most perfect angle.

“You need to give me complete control, to trust that I can read your body like poetry and knowing each time precisely how long to enjoy sucking on you before pulling back from that edge. How deep to stretch you inside before those sweet muscles in your belly begin to curl, hmm.. or how rough and quick to give you my cock til yours is cumming so hard you forget the world you're living in.”

Dean didn't know if his jaw was on the floor in ecstasy from sensation or Cas’s words..probably both. All he knew was he didn’t want either to stop.

“You need to feel me moving in you, making myself feel good because that's what gets you off. You love making me cum don't you? Someone as thoughtful as you should receive the same effort and attention. Someone as perfect as you should be made to cum several times a day. You need to be rewarded for all that you do with that kind heart, you need to be fucked and made love to thoroughly,” he rumbled while circling with his hips, “you deserve that.”

Dean was quickly becoming so euphoric from hearing Cas finally give his inner sex demon a voice he thought he truly might actually forget the world he was living in. It felt like an out of body experience, he had zero control over what his body was doing or reacting to anymore.

“Mmm.. I love when you completely let go like this and think only of your own need. You like when I fill you up, don’t you?”

“Fuuuuhmmm” was all he could respond with.

“I’ll take that at a yes. You also like my hand rubbing your cock, squeezing just hard enough.. teetering on the edge of the perfect amount of pain correct?”

“Hmffnmmm” Dean's mind was losing all grip on reality as he felt everything inside suddenly cinching, contracting, and pulsing.

“That's what I thought. I love making you feel like this Dean, you deserve to cum  hard with something thick and deep inside that's filling you up properly.”

_ Jesus Fucking Christ Cas! Damn!!!  _ Dean felt himself exploding all over Cas’s perfect, warm hands...the bed comforter, the pillows...

“And I’m the lucky one because I can feel you squeezing me right now while you're cumming….ah..uh..mmm it's mmm, you're milking every..last..drop..from me..and you don't even have to try, your body is seeing to my needs automatically. Mmmmmmmmmm…………………..oh fuck Dean you're so perfect….I love you so much…

Dean thought it was over, that things couldn't possibly get any more amazing and he would just lay for a while next to the snuggling warmth of his sex god husband...but Cas swiftly pushed him to the other side of the bed, carefully wriggled away, then slithered under him faster than lightning. He looked down at Cas who resumed rubbing his still dripping cock wondering what on earth this expert orgasm giver had in mind. He didn't have to wait because before he knew what was what, his husband was swallowing him down with fierce need in his eyes.

“Cas, buddy, h-h-hate to disappoint but I doubt there’ll be enough led in that pencil for a while….”

“Have you...ever….tried?” Cas asked in between kisses. “Please. For me. Try. No pressure at all. Just try,” Cas pleaded so sweetly, with eyes as innocent as an…. angel.

_ You manipulative, celestial shit. Not sure I can get past the sensitivity, but when a guy as hot and wonderful as you gives me a mind-blowing orgasm and is begging me to let him suck off another one... well what's a boy to do? _

“Hell then angel...I make no promises, but go ahead, give it your best shot,” Dean consented, sliding in slowly to the blazing heat of Cas's mouth. He heard mumbling that sounded almost like a “thank you” and inwardly giggled at his husband who had switched from sailor to Mr. Rogers in a split second. Firm, warm hands gripped his cheeks as he pushed himself gently forward and watched his angels brilliant attempts to raise the nearly dead. At first he was unbelievably twitchy, as predicted, yet as he pushed through the sensitivity, he found Cas applying the perfect amount of delicate suction and tongue work to keep him in the game.

Within a few moments of intense concentration, he was thanking the good Lord for his husband's tenacious talent. Lo and behold he’d managed to get Dean passed the iffy part and now had him believing he could really go the distance to reach orgasm no. 2. Cas gave his dick the same attention from earlier, focusing on the tip which had Dean working up a frenzied rhythm. Normally that wouldn't cut it for him...but he usually didn't go for two shows a night either.

Cas was in heaven that he was focusing so much on himself, and he happily let him while softly massaging the boys below. He loved feeling of Dean's fingers roaming through his hair, messing it up every which way.

It was getting very messed up indeed as both of Dean's hands held the beautiful locks while watching his cock pumping in and out of his delectable mouth. He found it mesmerizing and surprising that he’d be able to cum in his angels mouth so soon after the first monster sized orgasm he’d just been given. His muscles down below started rolling, the delicious build up which typically lasted seconds to minutes suddenly skipped ahead at light speed, it happened so fast he didn't have time to give a courtesy warning.

Everything locked up and he gasped, trying to apologize to Cas who smacked his ass. He startled and pulled away in reaction but obviously wasn’t finished, Cas’s hand flew to his face trying to block himself from it, but not before he got an eye full and started hollering for a towel. Dean had been so caught up in the moment he didn't realize how close to the edge of the bed his knee was until he found himself on his butt, on the floor, nightstand lamp in his hand, and lube bottle knocked over and leaking. He was confused when he realized Cas was absolutely howling with laughter, still covering his eye of course.

“Cas I’m sorry man! It just happened so fast I couldn't tell you in time..ah shit, sorry!”

Cas was trying to explain in between hysterics, “I didn't slap you to stop Dean, I was ok with that..I slapped you to quit apologizing for good sex...and then you misunderstood and backed away too quickly..now this! You..bahhhaaa...in the tie...with the lamp..ha ha!! And the lube! Ha ha ha!!! Oh my God..you’re right, Crowley really should see this!!!”

He began looking for his phone and Dean flew up off the floor yelling, “Don’t you fucking DARE!!!!”

He launched himself over the bed and managed to grab Cas’s ankle to stop him just before swiping his phone off the wardrobe which tumbled him over onto the floor. Now both of them were dying from laughter. He pulled Dean from the bed down on top of him and held him tight.

After the laughter died down he asked, “I didn't offend you earlier?” Cas finally asked.

“Hell no. As usual angel, you exceeded expectations,” Dean glowed, “feel free to talk like that anytime the mood strikes.”

“It might strike often,” Cas said in fair warning.

“We’ll both be lucky then,” Dean grinned, then kissed Cas appreciatively.

“That was so awesome...ugh..I love you so much...it’s gross, really.”

Cas shook with laughter, “What's gross is you haven't given me a towel or my shirt or something. I could get an eye infection.”

It was Deans turn to laugh and as he searched for the shirt he joked, “Yeah well that's whatcha get for playin’ with my boomstick.”

“You and your Bruce Campbell lines…”

“Hail to the King Baby, King of Grade B anyhow... best lines in the business. Heyyy, what's that smell?”

Cas's face went pink, “Dinner.”

Dean noticed Cas's change in color and laughed. “You’ll talk dirty in bed, but get red in the face over a compliment about your food?”

“You haven't tried it yet….”

“I can’t wait. Is it….ahhh is this Shasta’s lasagna recipe huh?!” Dean exclaimed with enthusiasm.

“Among other things. It’ll be ready soon, let's get cleaned up,” Cas suggested offering Dean his hand.

Later they sat down to dinner and Dean was beaming. “Caaaas! This is superb, great job. I'm proud of you man, lasagna can be time consuming and tricky. Plus this stuff actually has no meat or dairy right?”

“Right. But Shasta said not to scare you away from dabbling in plant based recipes down the road, since you are trying to make little healthy changes. She emailed me one of Jobeka's old recipes. Hence the baked chicken parmesan.”

“I’m really so proud of you, this is delicious. No clue what's in it, don’t care. If this is what healthy tastes like then we can do this more often. Never gonna give up my burgers and hot dogs, but this stuff is pretty darn good. You knocked it out of the park, make it anytime ya want back home. Sam will definitely love this. He’s gonna get such a kick outta you in the kitchen.”

_ I'm so happy he likes it!!!!! Dean likes my food and says to make it again!!! I want to keep learning so I can let him relax more often. Sam too. They can drink beer and keep me company, and I can take care of them too sometimes. Maybe even their mother… _

“It makes me very happy you like it Dean, I love taking care of you.”

“You always have,” Dean replied, now it was his turn to go pink. “Honestly Cas..this was the best date I’ve ever been on. Not only did you check all three boxes,” they both laughed remembering what those were, “but did them in new, unexpected ways. Got me trying new things, which earns you major points for originality.”

“Oh I'm not done!!!” He remembered, jumping up and grabbing something from a kitchen drawer. Dean was most curious and waited for enlightenment. A dvd was slid over to him from the other side of the table. He took one look at the movie and smiled so wide his eyes twinkled.

“Caaaaas, did you rent me porn?”

“I'm not sure, but it looks like your type of..what was it? Grade B humor?”

“Lesbian Vampire Killers...huh, haven't heard of it,” he said and read the back summary, “don’t think it's a porno, it's got that British late nite host..James Corden! Actually, it looks pretty funny.”

The movie ended up being a huge hit, Dean laughed so much he ended up crying a few times. In addition to lesbian vampires, there were other cute girls..alive..but not all of them made it, a jail bait Vicar’s daughter, an evil vampire queen, a psycho ex-girlfriend, and a cross dressing werewolf. The two main characters were Jimmy, a guy trying to get the mysteries of women, and his hornball best friend Fletch, who was just trying to get laid. In order to win the day, Jimmy ended up having to wield a prophetic sword that hilariously resembled a cock. Dean laughed so hard he fell off the couch. Normally he and Sam weren't interested in scary movies, the facts were always wrong and their life was already one long, bad scary movie. But this one was so ridiculous and funny Dean couldn't wait to show Sam.

Dean was still laughing when they went up to bed. He snuggled into Cas's side and asked, “Last day tomorrow….what would you like to do?”

“Let's go to our beach.”

“Your wish is my command,” Dean whispered, “Thanks for an amazing day Cas. You're awesome.”

~*~*~

They spent their last day having fun in the sun. Dean had made sure to buy the quick drying sunblock spray, Cas was very appreciative. They swam until they could barely stand and stumbled back to their blanket, they napped, and stuffed their faces with junk food. Cas was quiet for a while, and then brought up a subject that was difficult for them both.

“I have something to discuss with you. It's not pleasant, but I hope to make it an easier subject for you from now on.”

Dean could see Cas was pretty nervous, which made him nervous, but let him say his peace.

“Oh? Let's hear it.”

“I know how upset you are about not having your memories of our time together before I brought you back-”

Dean held his hand up to hush him, “I didn't know what Naomi's leverage was, I don't blame you for what happened. Just sucks those memories are gone while the other ones….hmm, nothing can be done about it.”

“What if they aren't gone? Not really, if you could get a glimpse of our time together, would you want it?”

“What are you saying Cas?” Dean’s eyes got wide with wonder.

He held Dean’s hand over his heart and explained, “I have grace in me Dean, Rikbiel gave me some of his to ensure the transplant took hold. It's finite, it won’t last forever. I can't give you your memories back, but I can share mine with you...if you’ll consent.”

“You need the grace to do it though, don't you? What if something happens to you Cas? What if we get in a wreck tomorrow, then what?”

“Then what? I'm almost completely human Dean, this is something that could happen. A month from now, or twenty years, it could happen. We’ve lived the last ten years afraid we weren't enough for each other, I don't want to regret anything with you. Not sharing what I have of that precious time when I can is definitely something I will regret.”

“Will it burn everything up?”

“Most of it, yes.”

Dean was terrified of letting Cas roam around grace free. Yet he knew keeping that fear would prevent him from truly enjoying what time here on earth they did have. Just like Cas, he didn't want any of it spent with regret.

He held Cas’s face and kissed him softly, “Yes, a-alright.”

Cas smiled at him and confessed, “While you were dreaming once, I thought you had at some level remembered part of what I’ll share. Once a memory is gone, there is no retrieving it, period. Yet, like so many other things, you defy all the odds. There is indeed a memory or two you have, but watching in your dream it was clear how disguised and layered it is, you would never recognize it for what it really is. You’d dismiss it as some wild dream, likely you already have. I’m going to share my memories now, all four years of them...it’ll be strange and extremely emotional. They're my emotions, keep that in mind for the next few seconds and in turn, I’ll allow you time to process them.”

Dean nodded nervously, his heart fluttered and stung because he knew this would be the last time they’d ever have something of this nature pass between them. He steeled himself for an unknown sensation as his angel held his cheeks with warm hands and kissed him.

Slowly he felt the grace weave from his angels lips to his own, it traveled down to touch his soul, soft as feathers, it surprised him to recognize it wasn't Cas's grace. It had a different feel to it, perhaps an angel's grace was like a human's fingerprint, each one is distinct in it's own way. He didn't think there was a signature to it, grace had all looked like grace to him in the past. This felt pleasant enough, but he ached to feel his angels true touch of home. He was soon distracted though as flashes sparked in his mind, almost painfully. A connection was trying to be made, he could feel Cas pulling at the grace surrounding his 'soul’. Then like lighting a match, a slow heat gave rise to faint images that at first were sharp and jagged, but steadied and became a solid flow of warmth.

He saw the volcano Cas had brought him to immediately after their escape from Hell. His angel was carrying him, so many emotions he felt! Sorrow, relief, exhaustion, anger, protectiveness, disappointment, and most of all-a fierce love. He could see his form, more solid than when Naomi had been speaking with such hatred and disgust. He was weightless, Cas carried him as if holding a towel draped over his arms. They were traveling down the slope of the volcano to... _ home.  _ This place was beautiful, the sky was a strange combination of colors. Looking straight up Dean could see through Cas’s eyes that a majority of the sky was a burnt orange and the sun was massive. It vaguely reminded Dean of when Sentinel Prime brought Cybertron into earth’s atmosphere in one of the Transformers movies. The brightness was in such contrast to earth though, despite the ability to see everything with alarming clarity it was very dim.The horizon in all 360° was a completely different color. The burnt orange of the sky faded and gave way to a brilliant turquoise hue which had stars more vivid than he’d ever seen. Some brightened and dimmed, some were close enough to witness their flares.

There were gleaming yellow mountains in nearly every direction, Cas took a path which led to foothills. The foothills would be Alps in comparison to the ranges Dean knew. The mountains on this alien landscape were infinitely more large than anything he’d ever seen, than anything he could ever conjure in his wildest imagination. Cas carried him through the foothills for a very long time, until the sky had changed to a purplish navy color, oranges and pinks were now appearing along the horizon. A sphere with green and white striations, similar to Jupiter was rising. He could feel himself awaken in his angels arms and marvel at the heavens above. Cas spoke to him in Enochian, explaining it wasn’t a moon like he’d guessed. It was the rising of the second star in their binary system. This was the Morning Star constellation and the sun would take approximately two earth months to rise and set.

Flashes of time went by, they spent days out in the open, traveling along landscapes that were so stunning and unbelievable they rivaled the moon of Pandora in Avatar. Once in a great while Dean would glimpse what could’ve been city skylines, it was hard to tell where occasional cloud cover ended and they began. He’d never seen structures such as these, some of them floated and blended in to the very environment as if invisible. During this time of travel Dean began to know Cas, it made his angel so content having him for companionship. He could feel Cas's love for him, his pride as he very slowly recovered from his wounds. Cas possessed vast amounts of knowledge in comparison to himself, but not once did he feel pity, impatience, or even boredom in his company. In fact, as they became more acquainted, he treasured Dean’s impressions and insight about this world, and enjoyed listening to his heart whenever thoughts went to Sam, Bobby, and all others he held dear back home. Cas found Dean to be uncomplicated, simple, truthful, full of passionate love, curiosity, and wonder. These were characteristics he considered of great value, and Dean was in awe to learn his angel viewed HIM as a hero, a soul of powerful faith in the connections he shared. Cas longed for that kind faith so deeply, and yet was immensely thankful to just know his human, this shining example he hoped to someday emulate.

Dean could feel that Cas's love for him never wavered, but grew stronger as days turned to months. They finally came to fields as far as the eye could see, all were a brilliant green. The grass blew in a never ending, comfortable breeze towards a hill on the horizon. On the hill was the most gargantuan structure Dean had ever beheld in all his life. It managed to glint even in the dim sunlight, a vivid pale blue and pewter shade, which in some areas looked almost transparent. It was far more wide than tall, had no windows, and yet it clearly allowed a wonderful amount of light in. The shape of the structure was similar to a crown, and had spires which twisted for what looked like miles into the sky. Dean felt a sort of peace wash over Cas as he reached for his hand. When they touched, it was soul and grace mingling, they both beamed at one another as the surprising intimacy of it washed through them..causing immense joy. The touch of grace and soul felt like sparks igniting back and forth between them with far greater strength than back here on earth. In this land, their truest selves needed no vessel or barrier from this connection, Dean was beginning to understand this realm really was an “in between”, a place completely outside hell, heaven, and earth.

Cas spoke a word to him in Enochian, it vibrated in his soul like a familiar note from a guitar string...it meant  _ home.  _ He was feeling shy, apprehensive about showing Dean his home,  _ their  _ home.

_ Why oh why would he be shy about this? It looks like the Emerald City of Oz! Bigger even, and it's just a home! But it's our home.  _ Dean was in awe of it as Cas took him room by massive room, showing him around. It was so much brighter inside than outside, the light was somewhat easier on the eyes and seemed more like the natural light on earth. Cas was most excited to show him his library, the room was so tall and had shelves so high he couldn't see an end. Stone tablets, some ancient and some new, lined these shelves. Cas was pleased to show him some at his height which he could understand.

More flashes of time flew by and Dean saw himself through Cas resting outside on a comfortable looking..couch swing? It was large and Dean loved sitting outside to read or be read to by Cas. His angel took great pleasure in seeing him smile and watching him rest. His soul was still tremendously damaged, yet little by little he could see minor improvements as the flashes of memories played out in his mind.

Cas noticed Dean's favorite times to be outside coincided with the rising of the second sun. He’d take Dean over the hillside to a beautiful lake, where the beaches had indigo sand lined with trillions of diamond like stones that seemed to illuminate when the sphere was at its highest. They’d sit there and star gaze for ages, watching shimmering streaks of silver and blue shooting across the sky. Cas enjoyed Dean’s inquisitive mind and adored when he'd sat on the beach asking for stories about the stars, their systems, and how they came to be.

During times of restfulness for Dean, when his soul would temporarily be powered down by Cas to heal, his angel would depart for another realm of their home to work on...him. This was difficult for Dean to watch through Cas’s eyes, his body had been far more injured than he’d ever realized. Cas approached the healing with the fortitude of a skilled surgeon, but with the love and care of..well, an angel. He understood Cas kept this process far away during these years so as not to upset him. He’d been through so much already and this celestial creature wanted to show him only pure love and light for as long as possible. He felt Cas become sad once in awhile, knowing their time there would not last forever, but he took comfort in the knowledge he’d be his guardian on earth until he was destined to transition and enter heaven. Months and months passed happily for them, Dean was slowly healing and often they’d spend time... _ in union?  _ He saw himself meld with Cas, their soul and grace blissfully intertwining, it was powerful for Cas, it must have been for him as well. Dean understood this was a spiritual form of making love. The sensations were every bit as pleasurable as when they physically made love on earth, but very different because there were no vessels involved. They felt layered and intermingled, knowing each other in every way imaginable.

_ It's that feeling..the swirling mist in a bottle! Well, no more bottle.. that was my body I guess. This is so open though, oh my God..my soul, it was my soul reacting to him this whole time! My soul knew him, his grace! Every time we’ve kissed or made love I’ve craved him...like wanting to crawl into him or meld and it was my soul wanting to join with him again!!! _

It was beautiful, passionate, pure, and heartbreaking all at once. Dean couldn't believe how many things his body and soul had been trying to tell him all these years, especially in the last few weeks. So many things from what seemed like a lifetime ago, they were happy...really, truly happy. Cas spoke to him with such kindness, patience and love. Whenever the second sun would approach its cycle he’d shower Dean with love and praise, calling him his beloved Morning Star, because Dean favored this time in the sky, and would always call him Sunshine. They existed in light and love, the elation they felt at finding each other, falling in love, and learning from each other was the most peaceful in all of Cas’s existence. Soul and grace couldn't hide anything from each other, not in this realm or any other. Cas KNEW Dean loved him back just as much. The truth of their bond was clear and bright, and was reflected back within each other.

After a time, Cas would feel apprehensive, he’d get the sensation he was being summoned and didn't want to answer. It persisted and finally during one of Dean's “power naps”, Naomi appeared to Cas while he was working on Dean's body.

“Why have you ignored me Castiel?” she asked with irritation in her voice.

“I’ve received no orders, no revelation for sometime. It's always been clear when you want something..you ask, otherwise you're content to pretend I don't exist,” he replied, not looking up from his work.

“You’ve spent far too long here with your.. _ human.” _

That statement elicited resentment, “I’ve spent far too long here period. Why are you concerned now? To what do I owe this visit?”

“You're to return him. He’s needed back on earth.”

“You need him back on earth?”

“His brother does, he’s not fairing well with the grief of losing him.”

“This wouldn't happen to coincide with the time frame of the prophecy?”

“His brother is suffering greatly Castiel, it's time he goes back!”

“Where was your concern for his brother when he died? When his brother, who knew he'd be going to Hell, was suffering over what he thought must have been happening to him down there?! You aren't concerned in the least for his brother! Is he close to self harm? Is that it? Is he in such mourning that he’s ill and the vessel is at risk of dying before your precious prophecy can be fulfilled? Your timing is quite telling. Don't use faithless excuses to justify to ME the need for his return! I am well aware he must go back, prophecy or not. I’ll bring him myself, but don't you dare pretend to me it's out of concern for anything but your precious plan!”

“You won’t bring him back. Fate will not play out as it's meant to with you tethered to him through the  _ affiliation  _ you share,” she clarified with condemnation.

Dean felt Castiel’s..grace..flicker, as a human's heart would if told they’d be having their soul mate ripped away.

“You can't mean what you're saying. He’s my soul, we’re bonded..I must bring him back and remain with him, guide him in our Father’s work. I promis-, he’s my responsibility. I’ll stay with him to do as heaven commands, that's what you want, right?”

“No. It never was. It was never the plan for him to stay away this long. You were to retrieve him from Hell, immediately repair any urgent damage, and send him straight home! It is not our problem you developed this...attachment, this...thing with him. You made that choice on your own Castiel. I do not have to reap the consequences from your choice, I simply have to ensure your compliance with heaven's orders. So what I want is for you to wipe him and hand him over. Are we clear?!”

“I can't...I..can you not understand? You're not bonded..you cannot know what you ask of me. I can’t!” he firmly stood his ground while horrific panic and fear set in.

“I cannot understand, nor do I ever want to! He will go back, and he will do so with no memory of this...whatever it is you two do here.”

“I…can’t, no..no.” Dean felt Cas..it was as if his entire existence was being twisted and shattered. All he ever wanted was a companion, to love and guide. He’d been punished for asking, and now punished again for having, Dean was being taken from him.

“You can’t? Or won’t?” she asked, already with her plan in place.

“I won’t.”

“Very well, you leave me no choice. Both of you will be wiped. Michael will have no trouble convincing him of what must be done.”

The floor felt like it was being yanked out from under him. He would rather suffer an eternity of loss, but keep his memories. Bottom line, if he didn't remember Dean then nobody would help him fight when he’d need it most. He wouldn't be able to say no to Michael, he might not even if Cas was with him, but he had to try to get to him somehow. At least if Cas remembered, then he could find a way of staying close to Dean. The pain though of his human...his soul, not remembering what they shared the last few years was blinding. Four years of blissful, happy, loving marriage would be lost... shattered, ripped apart when neither party would wish it so. Dean knew if angels could cry his Cas would've been crying oceans of tears. The brutal injustice of what had been done to both of them made it hard to breathe.

“No..I’ll do it. Fine. I’ll do it,” Cas said, feeling like he was committing murder, he really was in a sense.

“You have one earth day. Then bring him to us, as I’ve asked.“ The heartless bitch disappeared, leaving Cas incalculably broken.

He stood next to his work bench for a long time, paralyzed in sorrow and fear. He’d known the day would eventually come when Dean returned to his brother, but Cas expected he would be returning him, memories included. Suddenly, Dean saw himself walk into Cas's room to the work bench. He felt his angel shut down anything threatening to bubble up and create panic for him. Even as his celestial heart was breaking he kept Dean's happiness and well being a priority. Cas smiled at him with such love and devotion.

He heard himself say, “Morning Sunshine!”

To which Cas replied, “Morning Star” with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

Dean saw himself glance around Cas and ask, “Why ya workin’ on me? Am I alright?”

He felt Cas's amazement at how calm he was with seeing his body, especially the shape it was in. He was a disaster really, natural injuries were easy to heal, but hellhounds are a completely different story. He’d done what he could, but he would have to hand his body over to heaven's most skilled to get it ready in time to...to..oh..he couldn't think of it without losing his composure.

“No Dean, but you will be I promise,” he felt Cas reassure him, pulling him into a tight hug. Poor Cas was falling apart inside, how was he expected to let go of his soulmate, his husband?

_ “Why are you sad?”  _ Dean heard himself ask.

_ “It’s time Dean. Time to go.” _

_ “I don’t like how sad you are Cas. You’re coming too right?” _

_ “I will be with you, yes. Always.” _

_ “Then why are you so sad?” _

_ “Our time here is precious Dean, I will miss it greatly.” _

_ “But we’ll be together, that's all that matters.” _

_ “Yes, we will be together.” _

“It's time to rest a little more Dean. I’ll sit with you awhile.”

They walked back to their living quarters, Dean rested against Cas who was trying to think of another way around this. Part of him so desperately wanted to flee, take refuge in another dimension. He knew they'd be found though and the punishment would involve them both. That would be unacceptable. There really was nothing to be done. Cas's shining form was shaking as he reached toward him.

“Dean, I’m so sorry. My love for you will never cease, even if you can’t  remember….it surrounds you always. Please understand, I can’t live without one of us knowing the truth and you deserve to have your family back. I hate letting you go like this...love you so very much. These have been the best years for me, because of you, thank you. You're the light of my universe, of every universe! The answer to my prayer was beyond what I could have ever dreamed of. I promise to watch over you from afar, please do your best to have a good life. If..i-if you find someone in this life that brings you h-happiness, it's ok, I want that happiness for you..even if it can’t be with me. I forgive you for not remembering me, if we ever meet again. Like you’ll hopefully forgive me for this. Keep my heart, treat it well because if you do, you’ll be kind to me. I love you forever.

Cas’s light was shaking everywhere as he touched his forehead, he felt like a blade was plunging into him as the memories were no more. Dean stood, in a trance and his angel lead him to a side door and it was so very, very dark down the hall. He held his face and even through the sadness spilling out in waves of blue he had such love for Dean, Cas kissed his forehead. He gave him one last kiss on his lips with a breath of grace and commanded, “Rise now, my Morning Star.”

~*~*~

Dean was aware they were on a beach, it was sunny and warm. Yet he was silent, couldn't say anything for a long time. He couldn't move. He felt Cas kiss his wet cheeks, he could hear his husband's sniffles as he too cried while holding him. They both were still for some time, absorbing the impact of what had been done to them.

When the sun began to set, Dean finally was able to speak.

“I love you Cas, I love you more than heaven and earth and everything in between. Nothing can change what they did, what they took from us. I can’t change the last ten years, but I forgive you. Hell...I even forgive the angels that did this, because if I hate’em then it means I’m holding on to them in part of my life. Hate doesn't even begin to cover what I could feel for them, but they aren’t worth any of my time or yours. I want them gone from us, forever. Family doesn't do that to you. You're my family Cas, you and Sammy, and my mom. Always have been, always will be. You’ve got to know that I will love you until the end of time itself. I love us. We can hold on to that time, indefinitely. You’re the best part of me, thank you for that.”

Cas could only nod, because at that moment he felt a million different strings in every direction sever from somewhere inside, which had been holding on for dear life for the past ten years. Just like that, they were cut and floating away, forever.

They walked back from their beach to the house. It was time to prepare for their journey back to Tamborine, and then home in Lebanon. They packed quickly, not having much with them to begin with. Dinner was delicious left overs and Cas remembered dessert from the night before that he’d meant for them to have. It worked out better this way anyhow, because Dean wanted to sit and watch the stars come out. Cas rev’d up the little fire pit out back, Dean brought out a blanket, and they ate s’mores.

“When you showed me your memories today, I could see them clearly like I see my own. When you were an angel and you'd dream, it was different...there was so much light and things moving but then again not really. What was that?” Dean asked.

“The human mind isn’t able to visually process all of the spectrum like angels can. You..and now me too, would only be capable of seeing a portion of what I used to see, so it's understandable how disorienting that was for you. Today I made sure you could see as clearly as possible. It wasn't the time to skimp on image quality.”

“Thank you for that.”

Cas squeezed his hand while stuffing his face with more dessert.

“So when you and Uriel came to Sam and I warning you were going to smite the whole town...you were trying to stay close to me?”

“Yes.”

“You took a mission under your rank, to be near me. You put up with Uriel supervision, for me?”

“I proved incapable of command when the rescue mission in Hell was deemed a failure. I showed questionable judgement when I bonded with the human I failed to rescue in the condition which I was charged with retrieving you. I was found untrustworthy when despite orders to wipe your memory and leave you to fate, I appeared to you...when summoned. It was feared I’d inevitably commit total disobedience when it seemed I was growing fond of you.”

“They could've exiled you again, sent you somewhere else under another angels authority. Why did they put you near me when they said it should've been left to fate?”

“Because thus far, they believed I’d still not properly learned the lesson of obedience. What better way to punish me, to hurt me….”

“....than to leave you close enough to see me, but never touch. And on top of that, everybody knew about us, everyone viewed you with the same disgust as we’d view a person guilty of…”

“.....beastiality, essentially. But Dean I stayed long after Uriel because I loved you. Nothing you could've done would have been unforgivable, it's been painful at times of course. But even when I’ve hurt, my grace was..is always at home by your side, whether you remembered me or not. I meant it when I said you were worth the wait.”

Dean would never get over this. It would humble him for eternity. “I’m glad you waited,” was all he could say without becoming a blubbering mess.

“Something Rikbiel said to me….that our bond had recently been.. activated, what did he mean by that?”

“You were finally in a place to begin accepting me, accepting your feelings for me. Even though your soul recognized me from the in between, has known me all this time, your choice not to act upon your true feelings kept our bond inactive in a sense. When I kissed you on the plane and you reciprocated my feelings, that's when our bond flared to life. It had merely existed in a state of dormancy, only sparking or flickering briefly at times since I came to you in the barn. When you kissed me back, when we would become physically intimate is when we began actively living our bond, our marriage.”

“Could it be why I haven't had any real difficulty being physical with you? I’ve never been with another guy, I expected to freak out for a while, honestly. But it never happened.”

“I would have understood if you had, but yes...you accepting me finally in your heart and us having the active bond since the first kiss allowed you to be completely at home with it. Especially since we’d had four years already of spiritual intimacy, even though you can’t remember.”

“As hard as it is knowing certain things now, I’m glad you showed me Cas. We did have some really amazing times there. Where is it exactly? It's not in this dimension is it?”

“No, it exists here in this one but looks very different.. it's not the same really. Where we were, only grace and soul can reach it.”

“You made the whole planet our home?”

He shook his head and took a few moments to organize an explanation. “No, only our structural home. Remnants of cities elsewhere were ruins from another civilization that left trillions of years ago.”

“You built our home before you rescued me….”

“Yes.”

“Cas...was that where you were exiled?”

“Yes. I, had a lot of time on my hands. It was the first place I thought to bring you once we got through limbo. It was quiet, angels know of its existence but rarely go there. You were in such bad shape it seemed the right place for you to recover, undisturbed. I knew my home was comfortable enough.”

Dean really didn’t know what to say at that point. So very many emotions to process and absorb from the day swirled around in his mind. Cas of course was aware of this, and remained silent. Regardless of how long it would take to settle with all this new information, Dean was beyond thankful to be sitting next to Cas under such an ethereal, star filled sky. He snuggled into the warmth of his husbands arms as they watched for shooting stars.


	27. Chapter 27

They left the Cascades long before sunrise and this time took a few days driving back to Tamborine. Dean gave the letters to Cas, given the plethora of time to read them. He didn’t have much to offer except that he realized long ago nobody, especially angels and deities, were perfect. He was glad the Yugambeh people were now safe and could begin healing after such an ordeal. 

They enjoyed their journey back south, Cas even found another song he really liked which had popped up on the radio as they cruised down the beautiful coast and it brought a bright smile to his eyes.

 

“Once upon a time,   
Once when you were mine   
I remember skies   
Reflected in your eyes   
I wonder where you are   
I wonder if you think about me   
Once upon a time,   
In your wildest dreams   
  


Once the world was new,   
Our bodies felt the morning dew   
That greets the brand new day   
We couldn't tear ourselves away   
I wonder if you care   
I wonder if you still remember   
Once upon a time   
In your wildest dreams

 

Once beneath the stars,   
The universe was ours   
Love was all we knew   
And all I knew was you   
I wonder if you know   
I wonder if you think about it   
Once upon a time   
In your wildest dreams”

 

“That's Wildest Dreams by Moody Blues Cas,” Dean explained.

“It reminds me so much of us!” Cas smiled in reverent jubilation.

“Yeah..guess it kind is. Huh,” Dean realized, now having the memory of their “in between.”

They stopped in Whitsundays, along the coast for the night and left before sunrise again the next morning. Pulling into Brisbane in the late afternoon, they decided to take in a rugby match. Cas was surprised because American football and wrestling seemed to be the only sports Dean showed interest in.

“Couldn't pass up seeing a game between the two teams..not with names like these…” Dean smiled.

Looking at the tickets Cas saw it was a match between the Brisbane Broncos and the North Queensland Cowboys. Dean came back to their seats with food and drink. He tried to explain what Callum had told him about the game. It was very suspenseful knowing how little protective gear was worn during the match, even Dean flinched a few times seeing the replays and watching as player's were carried off the field bleeding severely. Brisbane won, they found a hotel, and ordered desserts from room service. When they awoke from their diabetic coma in the morning Dean found a barber shop in town as they were both in need of a haircut. He made sure Cas didn't get too much off the top, after all, he called it sex hair for a reason. Dean tried a new style with the sides trimmed much shorter than usual, Cas didn't compliment him on it, he didn't need to because the hungry look in his eyes said it all.

They pulled into Jobeka's neighborhood around noon and were greeted by all the girls.

“Jingeri! Welcome back!” Jobeka cheered.

“Thank you Jobeka” Cas replied and gave her a hug.

Dean couldn't believe how well Alison looked in comparison to the last time their paths crossed at Pindara. He said as much and the girls smiled knowingly in response to the complement.

“You tell them,” Alison said to Shasta.

She shook her head shyly, “Your news.”

“And what news might this be?” Dean asked, full of curiosity.

“When we both were in hospital, she started the evaluation process. We found out yesterday Shasta hit 5 out of 6 markers for blood and tissue typing. Next month she'll give me one of her kidneys.”

"That is such wonderful news!” Cas smiled.

They hugged both girls and went inside for some iced tea. Dean quietly offered Jobeka condolences for her father.

“It’ll always be a mystery to me..even with that letter. You spend your life thinking you know someone...hmm. At least people will know, will hopefully learn from his mistakes.”

She seemed at peace with it somehow. It would always hurt, but others could use it to make different choices in the future, and continue working towards the much needed Reconciliation.

Callum, who was on the couch, perked and got up slowly to welcome them. He asked Dean how Mal ran during the trip and was pleased to hear the car ran smooth as satin. Dean and Cas spent a few hours making sure it was looking shiny and new in appreciation for the honeymoon transportation. Then they cleaned up and headed over to the community area for one last meeting with Gilrad and Grace. However, not before having a slice of American style cherry pie Shasta had made for them.

“Is this another vegan recipe?” Dean wondered.

“Of course, and here is the recipe...for your brother,” Shasta handed it over with a smile.

“I swear to God this time it's for me. By the way, Cas nailed your lasagna. Seriously it was amazing, thank you.”

She and Cas exchanged winks, they hugged her and headed over to the community area for the meeting.

“Dean, I really must say how well you look. Inside and out,” Grace said with satisfaction, as they sat in the familiar kids club room.

He smiled shyly and confessed, “I feel better. Honestly, at first I thought there was no way this new age hippie crap was gonna work. But I can see how it helps, Cas and I both kept with it on our trip and we'll do it once we're home.”

“I'm very glad to hear this. I’d like to continue speaking with you regularly for a while if that's alright? Perhaps we can skype once or twice a month, there will certainly be times of difficulty ahead. It’s the nature of trauma sadly, but I’d be honored to help you learn to navigate when stress from the job gets a bit out of hand. With what you’ve learned so far, things can be tinkered with to make your lifestyle stresses more manageable.”

“Yeah, I’d like that. But you can’t eat any sin on a long distance call can you?”

“Where humanity is concerned, there's always plenty to go around,” she laughed, “you let go of an enormous amount, it was a fantastic start to a happier and healthier life Dean. Yet, there’s something I’d like to ask of you which would serve as self maintenance. Nobody is perfect and it's inevitable you’ll make mistakes, and knowing your character...guilt will tag along. So I’d like you to do something which will continually remind you of your worth.”

“Ok, what it is?”

“Be charitable. Not with money. Not with items donated you no longer need. The specific maintenance your soul requires to stay healthy, is time. Give of your time Dean. Pick a charity or organization back home that speaks to you and help when you can. There are several places which will gladly take volunteers popping up whenever their whacky personal schedules permit. But do this regularly so when guilt and low self worth creep back in, and believe me they will try, the time you give to help others will remind you of the positive impact you are choosing to make. An infinitely generous man once said something which applies to you perfectly…’Be kind to yourself, so you can be happy enough to be kind to the world’.”

“Ok, yeah..I’ll find something then. Grace, thank you for seeing something in me when I refuse to even look myself. Thank you for helping me pull my head outta my ass when it was buried so far up there I didn't know which way was out.”

“You're extraordinary Dean, and you’re welcome. Now give me a hug and let's go find Castiel eh?”

He gave her a grin, a big bear hug, and they wandered out into the main room where Dean found a huge amount of people milling around and the smell of barbecue wafting in the air.

“What's all this?” he asked Grace.

“It's your sending off party. Alden held a tribal meeting, called the entire region in to report all that's happened in the last month or so. He wanted every last one of our people to know the English who helped end the evil that came here.They in turn demanded you and Castiel be celebrated. So tonight eat, drink, and be happy in the knowledge that there are now many others in this world who are pleased to consider you part of our family.”

Dean didn't quite know what to say, sometimes it's best to enjoy a moment, or an evening...a very loud, yummy, smiling, evening. One with a kind, generous, obnoxious family who delights in singing your praises and isn't satisfied until you’ve told every story and eaten all your belly can hold, then..only then will they roll you home and put you to bed with endless smiles and thanks.

Jobeka dropped them off at the airport the next afternoon. Dean and Cas were thankful to have gotten some time to speak with Gilrad in the morning, they wanted to say how sorry they were about Gus and appreciated his help tremendously. They learned that Judith Spade had recovered enough to be flown home to Oregon with Connor and Raylan...all of them passed on their infinite thanks. Nalo made a full recovery, hadn't touched alcohol since his discharge from Pindara, and immediately began seeking consistent help from Grace for better coping strategies.

They hugged Jobeka who began crying and made them promise to keep in touch, she felt they were overdue for a vacation so when injuries were healed and kidneys were functioning they’d be hauling their Aussie behinds over the ocean for a visit.

“We have so much room in the bunker we don't know what to do with ourselves most of the time,” Dean confessed.

“Thank you both for everything, really. I told you your time here would be beneficial for both sides. We feel so blessed to know you, please come back anytime.. you're family now,” she smiled tearfully.

As they boarded the plane Cas kept a close eye on Dean for signs of panic. So far he seemed cool as a cucumber. When the plane began it's taxi down the runway Dean took Cas's hand calmly and stared deep into his eyes. Now Cas could see a hint of discomfort where moments ago there hadn’t been. Instead of letting it overcome him, Dean sang quietly and kept his eyes on Cas the whole time.

“I'm leaving on a jet plane….”

Cas grinned ear to ear, listening intently to his adorable husband self soothing while also snuggling up to him just because he felt like it. After a few minutes Dean spoke, “I need to ask you something and I need a serious answer.”

Cas became nervous and stammered out an “a-alright Dean.”

Dean leaned toward him, placing their foreheads together and asked, “Will you be my girlfriend Cas?”

His angels face became a brilliant shade of red as he squeaked out a “Yes.”

“Whew, hot damn..made me nervous there for a minute. Ok, since you’ve agreed to be my girlfriend, custom dictates you wear my ring,” Dean stated with a completely straight face, but a twinkle in his eye.

Cas gave him a squint and a head tilt but saw that Dean was offering him a tiny open box with a beautiful brushed silver ring which had writing on it. His eyes shimmered and his face was changing color from red to something else...he looked as if he’d say “Yes”.  Before Cas could even speak, he swiped a bag from the seat on front of him and spent the next few minutes barfing and hurling.

Dean did a facepalm, “This is why we can’t have nice things,” he said to himself.  _ Is it me? Must be me. I kiss him, he pukes. I ask him to be mine, he pukes. Ahh poor Cas...dammit! Luckily….. _

Dean popped right up, and grabbed the plethora of anti-barf meds he’d had the foresight to pick up in Brisbane. He loaded Cas up with wristbands, patches, and Dramamine pills. Before long his beloved creature was once again burrowed into his side, snoring, and drooling. He took this opportunity to put Cas's ring on his left hand, and slide his own on as well. He’d had Gilrad make the arrangements right before Rikbiel took half of his soul component and reserved a small amount of it to later infuse within the bands. Alive or dead, Cas would wear the symbol of marriage for eternity. Dean of course was pleased to put a ring on him in the not so post-mortem state, although from the sound of it a few minutes earlier Cas probably thought he was dying.

He felt much better in L.A., they cleaned up and layered on a few clothes in the bathroom before boarding to Nebraska. While waiting for the smaller plane to take off, Cas was sleepy from another dose of meds but wanted to get a closer look at the ring he hadn't realized was on his finger until then. He squinted to read what it said, but Dean suggested he put them together, side by side first. When they lined up Cas read out loud from Dean's ring to his:

 

D~ I’ll have you

C~ Cursed or not

 

Cas couldn't help a few tears escaping, all he could get out before his stomach twisted again was “Thank you Dean...blaaaghhhh” and into the bag went his face.

Fortunately Dean knew he loved it, despite the interrupting affliction his Cas was experiencing. When all that was left of the misery was an unconscious ex-angel, Dean finally saw fit to nap as well.


	28. Chapter 28

They landed in Nebraska, thankful for the two days worth of warm clothes they’d brought along. Bundled up warmly and pleased that for once there were no wings of any kind in their near future, Dean and Cas mosied out of the terminal and saw Jody, in warm Sheriff attire waiting right on the curb with her cruiser. The second she locked eyes with Dean her face was frozen in shock. 

He grinned, tugged on the growing beard, and joked, “What, ya never seen me all Grizzly Addams before?”

She could barely speak, she stuttered for a few moments and then managed, “That’s not what's different” but that's all she would say on the matter for the time being. She bear hugged them both and began the four hour trek back to Souix Falls. They filled her in mostly on the Yara and witch details, she seemed interested in the Yugambeh culture and pleased Dean spoke so highly of his new found friends. When they pulled into her home they discovered, Alex had made a few pizzas and salad, they all were starved and dug right in. The conversation was warm and pleasant, they answered all of Alex’s questions and then pigged out on pie and ice cream. She had another exam to study for, Cas knew Dean could use some quiet time with Jody so he generously offered his academic assistance which she gladly accepted.

The second she thought Cas was out of earshot, she went for the throat, “What in the HECK went on over there Dean???? Sam’s been calling me worried sick, you’ve never taken this long on a case, and…...did you take some shaman brew or something cuzzz ya look about ten years younger. Answer that last one first…”

Dean knowingly smiled at her and said, “How about we have a drink?”

She knew him well enough to bypass the beer and go straight for the whiskey.  Over the next few hours she laughed, she cried, and almost slapped him in the face...twice. After Alex went to bed and Cas came in she hugged him so tight he thought he'd never breathe again. “Thank you. Thank you for making him see how special and important he is. He looks so different and...really happy!”

Cas could argue it was technically Dean who’d brought him back to life, but he sensed it was not the time for semantics and was just pleased someone else loved Dean as much as he deserved. It did not need mentioning that Sam and Mary were unaware of all that had transpired in the past month. Although when the two headed out for Lebanon the next morning, Jody did say she wished she could see Sam’s face when he and Dean reunited. Warm hugs were shared all around and promises to visit soon as they pulled out of the driveway.

Six hours later and a trip to Ladow’s Market for pie and groceries they finally, FINALLY sauntered into the bunker bags and all, ready to drop. They started laundry, took a very long shower which consisted of only soap and snuggles because they were simply too damn tired. Dean called Linda Tran while preparing something warm to drink, Jobeka had already sung both their praises to her and she was so thankful to Dean and Cas for helping her friends she cried.

They were sitting in the kitchen cozily dressed in plaid pajama pants and grey thermals warming up with hot chocolate and Cas declared winter socks comfortable. Cas decided winter socks and naked Dean were now the only acceptable things he wanted to wear. Dean was becoming very enthusiastic and eager to help him try naked Dean on with winter socks when they heard the batcave garage entrance open up and Sam’s voice traveling down the stairs into the War Room. Both got up immediately and shuffled into the library to see Sam walking in, holding hands in a more than friendly way with Eileen in tow. Both couples stopped in their tracks and regarded one another.

Sam had been looking forward to getting home sweet bunker with Eileen after she’d been passing through BMoL territory and received a half joking S.O.S. from him. She'd collected him, headed straight back to the bunker, where they found Dean, walking in, holding hands in a more than friendly way with Cas in tow.  _FUCKING FINALLY._

Sam dropped their bags, stared at their hands, then at Dean's face, then back at their hands...and it went back and forth a few times.

“Cas….what’ve you done with my brother?” he asked with tears in his eyes.

Cas looked shocked, he had hoped Sam would be happy for them, these could be happy tears..right? “I..I..am trying to make him happy….are you alright?”

“I can see..I mean really see..he is,” Sam whispered, crushing them both into the biggest family hug in the world.

“Jesus Dean...you look like you're ten years younger at least! I can’t believe it!”

Dean smiled for a split second, waved to Eileen and then shoved Sam out of the way.

“Hey Eileen, sorry my brother is a moose with no manners,” he signed 'sorry’ with his fist closed, circling his chest and pointing to Sam.

“Cas-ASL if you please,” to which Cas’s face lit up and he immediately began signing for Dean, “Eileen Leahy, hunter extraordinaire, and from the looks of it...hopefully now Sam’s girlfriend?”

She nodded, thanked Dean for remembering his manners, and signed “nice to meet you.”

“Eileen this is Castiel….my-well..let’s start from the beginning, shall we?” Dean declared and without even breaking eye contact with a confused but happy Eileen he added, “Sam..family meeting, get the whiskey.”

“What the-”Sam was unbelievably confused but immediately complied.

A few moments later they’d all sat down and explanations began pouring out.

“Sam if you ever find yourself on a plane with Dean all you have to do is kiss him and he’ll calm right down,” Cas explained while Eileen tried to keep down her drink as she laughed.

“I’ll pass thanks,” Sam managed after a huge coughing fit.

“He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes,” Dean disclosed while taking his first swig.

Cas rolled his eyes, but let him continue.

Dean started from the beginning, they inched through the entire story with Sam asking an enormous amount of questions. He was fascinated by the Yugambeh people and their ability to hear angels and see souls. When dinner time approached but the conversation had miles to go before winding down, Cas said he'd like to prepare them dinner and they moved into the kitchen. Eileen helped him cook the lemon chicken..without any pepper on his, rice and veggies while the brothers kept talking. Sam loved the meal and was very proud of Cas's newly acquired culinary skills. Dean and Eileen stumbled through conversation after dinner while Sam and Cas cleaned up. Dean had insisted on immersion with ASL since it seemed she’d not be leaving anytime soon...much to everyone's delight.

Later, over more hot cocoa the last of it spilled out.

“Then I asked him to be my girlfriend and he said yes. That's how we got these,” pointing to their rings, Dean winked in a most silly was to Cas.

Sam confessed he’d been suffering their unresolved tension forever but knew it would’ve done no good to interfere. He promised he was beyond happy for them both and always felt Cas was family too.

“Never thought I’d have to have this conversation twice, but here goes…” Sam stated.

He turned to Cas and warned, “Dean is my brother and if you hurt him, so help me I will magically chain your ass to Crowley and have you both working missing pet cases for the next twenty years. Understand?”

“Uh..ok?” Cas was fairly certain Sam was joking but the brand of punishment seemed too precise not to have a touch of true intent.

Then Sam turned to Dean and warned, “Cas is my brother and if you hurt him, so help me I will magically imprison your ass in a warehouse full of book clubbing cougars who love wine spritzers and techno music, we clear?”

“Crystal Sammy.” Dean replied, quickly downing hot cocoa.

Sam got up and hugged Dean and Cas again, family style.

“Jerk”

“Bitch”

“Assbutt,” was said in unison by the brothers.

“You’ll never let me forget that will you?” Cas asked.

“Nope” they both promised, smiling sarcastically.

Cas turned to explain the joke to Eileen while Sam surprisingly confessed to Dean he’d made out with a guy once back at Stanford.

“Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me, you?”

“Yeah, it's how me and Jess sorta started. We were all at a bar in the same group. I had a good buzz going and some decent looking guy was getting cozy. I figured if he kissed me then what the Hell..may as well see if I like it. Said she actually felt worse for me because of how sincerely worried I was about rejecting the guy, had to tell him it wasn't my thing. She said it was the sweetest rejection she’d ever witnessed, the guy ran into me a week later in the library and said the same thing.”

“Huh...never knew that.”

“It's just as important to find out who you're not..as who you are.”

“All I know is he’s mine and he’s home now with us for good.”

“Took you both long enough, I couldn't be happier. Life's too short. Feels good to have you both home and safe.”

All were getting pretty tired, Eileen trudged down the hall to Sam's room after saying her goodnights.  

“How's Mom?” Dean asked as they headed out too.

Sam’s face was rife with concern, “She's gotten herself in pretty deep with the Brits, something's off. Just hope she calls if wants out.”

Dean didn't need to hear anymore, he had her built up in his mind so much that the lessons were all the harder when he realized she was a grown up with flaws just like he and Sam.

Dean walked in their new room first and before Cas had even closed the door he saw pajama pants and orange underwear shoot out from behind him.

“Cas, man I love the way you think,” Dean praised as he turned around to push his nearly naked husband against the door.

He kissed Cas long and slow, letting the hormones and passion slowly build, while palming his his ass.

“Hmmm... think there’s a new contender for my favorite outfit on you,” he lazily drawled as he slid down to his knees with a smoldering glow in his eyes, ”you look hot as fuck in just a thermal and socks Cas, really accentuates yer..hmm nether region. Guess it’s a good thing you won’t go roaming around like this. Otherwise I’d be tempted to fuck you on every surface of this place. What’ll it be tonight? Hmm?” Dean asked as he sucked on Cas, gently at first.

Cas’s hips took over as usual and began rolling, to Dean's delight. The ex angel noted his sleep deprived husband looking entirely too pleased with his current situation, which meant he needed to put him right to bed, or get the blood flowing in a manner more rousing than blissful. “Ready for sleep are we?”

“No!” Dean barked, redoubling his efforts to solicit a more aggressive reaction.

“Then in that case, I’d like you, against that wall, losing your mind while I fuck into you for hours..or we fall asleep standing up-whichever comes first.”

“Cas..for the love of all that’s hmm- holy keep runni,-, that mouth of yours,” Dean whispered, trying not to talk with his mouth full but failing.

His eyes fluttered and closed, Cas pulled him off, grabbed the bottle from underneath Dean's pillow...because that's where he keeps all items of extreme import. Then he quickly divested him of all his clothes, picked him up, pushed him against said wall and immediately upon rubbing himself against Dean's hole, found something that certainly wasn’t there the last time he checked.

His husband smirked at him and confessed with a wolfish grin, “I’m not in the mood to wait.”

Cas tilted his head at Dean as he set him on the floor, watched him throw the plug on the bed, dump some lube on his hands, and begin rubbing Cas in a very nice way with a knowing smile.

“Up please,” Dean said oh so politely, and of course a most curious Cas obliged. He understood the purpose of the object immediately as Dean tilted his hips, allowing him to slide right in.

A very happy Cas kissed his husband roughly, and moved inside him with enthusiastic vigor, all while issuing some insanely primal growling sounds which Dean found particularly arousing. The angle and depth had them both realizing that lasting a few hours in the position would take some serious practice, which of course meant Dean would later remind Cas that he’d pledged himself to the celestial in his time of need and they NEEDED all the fucking practice they could get, literally. Dean felt his tummy twist on one hard thrust from Cas and they both went off like fireworks. Minutes later they curled in bed together and both of them proceeded to sleep like the dead.

~*~*~

About six walls and a week later Cas and Dean were talking in the library about afternoon plans when Sam waltzed in behind Eileen and asked them if they could join. Cas explained the nature of their respective outings.

“Gilrad asked me to volunteer somewhere I felt comfortable donating my time. Since I’m human now and never experienced childhood, he thought it would be beneficial to obtain a child's perspective on life. He also felt since my first family was so judgemental and even the kindest of people still make mistakes, animals are a good source of pure and unconditional love. I’ve been encouraged to find something involving both, so I signed myself up to volunteer in the Paws for Reading program at Lebanon City Library where children with anxiety read books to therapy dogs while petting them, reducing their stress levels.”

Sam’s face broke into a beautifully happy expression. “Cas wow, that's just...perfect. It's a great idea,” he looked to Dean in curiosity. This was never something his brother would've considered doing before even a few months ago. “What about you?” he asked Dean.

“Oh well..I uh..thought about doing the Big Brother program in town, but since we never know when we'll be out on a case I asked if they had something I could do more on a drop in basis. They have an after school program, the teen group seems to need as many guys as possible. Guess some of the kids are from pretty rough families and could use 'strong male role models’, haaaa if they only knew.”

All Sam could do was hug Dean, he was just so damn happy at how peaceful his brother was. He’d be forever grateful to Cas for changing Dean’s life.

“That's awesome. We’ll have dinner waiting you for you guys when you get home then,” Eileen promised.

Dean and Cas headed out in Baby, they were nervous but looking forward to meeting people they’d be helping and thankful that for at least a few hours a week it wouldn't involve putting their lives at risk. Enough time would be spent tracking down and fighting evil, that much was a guarantee. But for the first time, in a long time, they weren't fighting their greatest enemies. They were too busy embracing them, loving them, and feeling amazing hope for the future.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In an effort to accurately represent the Yugambeh Tribe in Queensland, I feel ethically compelled to relay that while in my story they are tolerant of Dean and Castiel's relationship, I cannot be certain it would hold true in real life. In my research I discovered that overall, most Aboriginal tribes are only recently willing to consider changing their intolerant views of same sex relationships. This was not always the case, however, as both First Peoples and English historians agree that the Aboriginal nations were indeed very open and accepting of homosexuality. Their attitudes did not change until the white colonization occurred which brought dramatically different religious views opposing this way of life. Currently there are some strong LGBT leaders and elders emerging, but sadly many in this community have left their families and sought refuge in Australia's bigger cities. Many of those who have, are working with non-Aboriginal activists to continue developing organizations which help younger Aboriginals wishing to safely come out and/or flee if necessary. The areas most suffering are those in very remote regions of the country and the suicide rates among this group are devastatingly high. There are a chain of centers in Queensland that assist indigenous LGBT people in urgent situations. If anyone is interested in learning more, or if you live in Queensland and want to help then visit: www.opendoors.net.au


End file.
